Echoes of the Mind
by angel74
Summary: [Complete] HPDM [Sequel] 6th yearHarry learns to overcome his abusive past with the help of Remus and Draco. He wants to know what really happened to Sirius, but will the Death Eater attacks and strange dreams get in his way of his mission?
1. Prologue

**Echoes of the Mind**

By: angel74

**Rating:** M (just in case)

**Warning:** SLASH, and references to abuse, rape, cutting, violence, (all non-graphic!)

If you disagree with anything in this story, than don't read it. Its rated R for a reason people!

**Disclaimer:** **I have decided to say this once, and only once instead of posting it for every chapter. I do not own Harry Potter or any other of J.K. Rowling's wonderful characters. I only want to play in her world. I intend this story to be merely for pleasure, not profit. So there! sticks out tongue childishly**

**Summary**: This is the sequel to Bring Me to Life and is Harry's sixth year continued. Harry was saved by his soul mate, and is now dealing with the troubles in his life again. Circumstances lead him to believe he is losing his mind…. but could it be something… or someone else?

**Pairings**: HP/DM, HG/RW, GW/NL

**Category**: Angst/Drama

**Spoliers**: for OoTP (and for all other HP books, obviously!)

**Slight AU!**

A/N: If you haven't read Bring Me to Life, you really should. It will help you make sense of this story. I made some mistakes in the last fic… cough Quidditch cough… but I don't have the energy to go back and fix everything. I would rather focus on this new story. Oh yeah, I am writing this fic entirely from Harry's POV. In the last story I felt that it was important to have Ron and Draco's perspectives so that we could see how each helped him to overcome the trauma in his life. For this fic to work, I can only write from Harry's POV. I am contemplating on doing a 7th year fic in which we see alternating POVs once again. Let me know your thoughts!

**Chapter 1- Prologue**

_Many months have past since my last fateful encounter with Voldemort and my life is as complicated as ever. I struggle to overcome the dark depression I feel myself slipping into on a daily basis. I have a lot of emotional baggage that I continue to deal with and the problems I had before Halloween have manifested themselves once again. I feel that everyone has assumed that because I chose to live that I had put all those issues behind me. But they are still there, staring me in the face with each passing day. I am still dealing with the shame of the abuse that my so called relatives caused me to endure. I am still struggling with the intimacy that I so desperately crave from my boyfriend, but I am terrified at the mere thought. I still feel the guilt over the death of my parents, Cedric, and Sirius… Sirius… I miss him so much… it was all my fault… The need to cut grows stronger with each passing day._

_I appreciate the love and support that my friends bestow upon me on each day, but none of them can possibly understand the darkness that lies in my heart. Not even Draco. Draco... my soul mate… he has made me happy in ways that I can barely comprehend. I feel more comfortable with him that anyone else in my life. I can share things with him that I would dare not even tell my best friends. Well... most things… there are still some things that I keep private. Thoughts that are too horrifying to even say aloud for fear that may materialize into something real._

_Attending classes and doing homework seems to be the only constant in my life right now. The predictable pattern of waking up each day and attending classes helps to keep me sane and prevents my mind from dwelling on unpleasant thoughts. I have become more and more like Hermione in the fact that I study relentlessly. Most of my dorm mates assume that my new studying habits is because I want to be a better or student or that I am some how preparing for a battle in this new war. What they don't know is that I only study because it enables to me to keep my mind distracted._

_My one saving grace from the monotony of school life is Quidditch. I never feel more alive than when I am soaring above the pitch searching for the elusive snitch. For one small moment my life has a simple purpose, find the snitch and win the game. If only the rest of my life could be that simplistic. What is my purpose in life now that I have been given a second chance? I have never really thought about what I am going to do after I leave Hogwarts to any real extent. Sure, at times I have thought about being an auror, but I never really thought it would happen. I truly expected that I would have died by now. If not by Voldemort's hand, then by my uncle's._

_I find myself over analyzing everything since I have been given a second chance. I feel compelled to make sense out of the chaos in my life in order to find peace. Mostly, I think about Draco and the lengths that he went to in order to save my pathetic life. Solara Amicus… that was the soul mate he used to bring me back. What is a soul mate really? Does everyone have a soul mate, and if so are we destined search out for this special person? Have the Fates or God designed this manifestation of love in order to try us in some way? I wish I had some answers so that I can begin to comprehend the magnitude of my relationship with Draco. I sometimes find myself praying for guidance through this mess I call my life, but I am not sure if my prayers are even being heard. I have never been overly religious since the Dursleys never felt it necessary to bring me to church with them on Sundays... Dursley… just the name strikes fear and loathing in my heart. _

_I suppose that I should be grateful that my soul mate was able to save me from the pits of hell. I suppose that my love for him should be absolute and that I am perpetually grateful for this gift of life he has bestowed upon me. I suppose that I should be embracing this second chance at life with open arms knowing how closely I had come to the clutches of death. Sadly, I feel none of these emotions. In fact, I feel almost nothing at all. I am hollow inside. Sure, I experience other emotions occasionally, but these feelings never last for very long. The emptiness in my heart always returns with renewed strength._

_I know that Draco meant well when he cast that fateful spell that sent our souls into that limbo like world, but I sometimes find myself being resentful and sometimes even angry. Draco used some dirty tactics in order to get me to return to the land of the living. He played on my emotions and my love for the only "family" I have ever had. He used my fear of my friends becoming endangered because of me to his advantage. What is worse though, is the fact that he was willing to sacrifice his own life in order to be with me. I love and hate him for it._

_I was forced to make a choice in a short amount of time: choose to live again or perish forever. I chose to live again despite what had happened to me in life. What I didn't know is that decision came at a high price. I remember every minute that my soul spent in what I now refer to as "my own personal hell." Memories that I had long since repressed as a child are now lingering closer and closer to my consciousness. Some of the abuse that I had experienced at the Dursleys was too overwhelming to comprehend for my young mind at the time. I was able to forget most of it long ago, but now I am able to recall every detail with greater and greater clarity. _

_But what I remember most is that eternally cold darkness and the utter aloneness I felt within it's undefined depths. Several times I felt myself slip away from Draco while we were in limbo, and I sometimes wonder what would have happened to my soul if I had not chosen to live again. Would I have existed in limbo forever, reliving all those awful memories for eternity? Would my soul have gone to hell, whatever that may be? Or would I have gone to heaven and spent the rest of forever with my parents? Is there even a heaven? Am I even worthy of being in heaven? I find myself contemplating these issues over and over in an endless cycle of self pity and doubt. _

_Oddly enough, my connection through Voldemort has somehow been destroyed. No knows for sure what severed the link through my scar exactly, but Dumbledore thinks that it may have something to do with my soul being detached from my body for so long. Our minds couldn't be linked while I was in limbo and that the connection was not re-established when I returned to my body. I am relieved that I do not have to experience Voldemort's evil plans, but I am also scared of the unknown. _

_What troubles me most is the fact that I felt something else lurking in that unseen darkness of Limbo. I have never been able to determine what I actually thought was in the darkness with me, but it is something more powerful and overwhelming than my soul can possibly comprehend within the confines of my feeble body. The more I try to think about it, the more I understand that the darkness is not something I am meant to understand. But it calls to me nonetheless. It has begun to plague not only my dreams, but my conscious mind while I am awake._

_My dreams are mainly about the horrors of my past, but recently they have become more and more strange. I know that these dreams do not have anything to do with Voldemort because I do not feel the pain associated with him in my scar. No, these dreams are an entity completely upon themselves. I feel as if that I am reliving someone else's life. The pain and the depression that come with these dreams are overwhelming. They do not feel like visions… more like memories… someone else's memories. I only get bits and pieces, but it's enough to make me never want to sleep again. _

_Now I am hearing voices and seeing things while I am awake. I dare not tell anyone for fear that they will shun me like they did during my second year. I also do not need Ron and Draco fighting anymore than they already have; that mess is something that I am still at a loss at sorting out. I need to make sense of everything before I reveal any other secrets to those I hold dear. What if there is something wrong with me? What if I am imagining everything? I am terrified of what will become of me if I have begun to lose my mind._

_I feel like I am falling apart. Every night I lay awake dreading the moment in which I succumb to the deep sleep that my body so desperately craves. I have long since given up on begging Madame Pomfrey for a dreamless sleep potion. She insists that I have become addicted to the substance and that I need to go through withdrawl. Hermione watches me constantly to ensure that I don't attempt to brew my own batch. So now I am victim to my own insane nightmares. They have become more and more horrific._

_I don't feel that I can stand the pain and uncertainty of my life any longer. I am not suicidal... not by any means… but the need to cut grows stronger every day. I am desperate for the pain that will temporarily release me from these thoughts that are so foreign to me. I have kept my promise to Draco, but I don't know how much longer I can hold out. I feel as thought I am going crazy…_

_So many things have happened during my sixth year at Hogwarts. Maybe I should start from the beginning… the beginning of my second chance at this life._

A/N: This will probably be the only chapter in which I do a stream of consciousness in a first person POV. The rest of the chapters will be written from Harry's perspective, but not in first person. (Just a clarification for those who like to be picky). This is not intended be religious in any sense, only spiritual, so I apologize if I have offended anyone's belief system.


	2. And So the War Has Begun

A/N: Okay, the prologue turned out much darker than I intended it to be, but I am proud of it nonetheless. Don't worry; the rest of the fic will be a little lighter. I just wanted my readers to have a general understanding of Harry's character in this fic since I did not write from his point of view in the original story. The prologue represents Harry's conscious thoughts about half way through the story. (Like a little preview). I hope I didn't give too much away. This chapter begins where the last story, Bring Me to Life, left off.

**Chapter 2- And So the War Has Begun**

Harry felt his soul travel through the vast depths of time and space as he desperately clung to Draco in the metaphorical darkness. A blinding white light surrounded them completely as they made their endless journey. He felt as if he was being pulled into some unknown direction, but he was not afraid. He was with his Draco and that was all that mattered.

Suddenly, the bright light vanished and he was again surrounded by darkness. He felt oddly heavy and alone. He could no longer feel Draco's warm presence and that terrified him. He was so exhausted from recent events that his body felt like it was a thousand pounds pressing into whatever bed he had currently found himself laying in. He could barely manage to open his eyes, and he felt himself slipping back into unconsciousness when he heard a familiar voice.

"Harry! You gotta wake up now!" Someone grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him gently. Harry tried with great difficulty to awaken from the deep sleep that was threatening to claim him. His eyelashes flickered a few times until he was finally able to open his eyes completely.

"Draco?" his voice croaked as he tried to sit up. Draco embraced him fiercely. Harry was overwhelmingly relieved to be back in the arms of his soul mate once again. Harry was vaguely aware of seeing Ron over Draco's shoulder as he left the room quietly. They clung to each other as if they were hanging on for dear life. Raw emotion passed back and forth between them with each passing heart beat. Both of them were now crying openly, quietly professing their love to one another. After what they had just been through, words didn't seem like enough.

Awakening in the dimly lit hospital room in the Hogwarts infirmary had been a very surreal experience for Harry. His mind was still foggy from his soul's experience in Limbo and he felt like he was now somehow dreaming. He could recall where he had been, but he could not figure out how he had come to be here in the hospital ward. It felt as if he had been gone for such a long time, but he later discovered that he had only been unconscious for a day. He loosely remembered the battle that had taken place in Hogsmeade on Halloween night, and wondered what became of Voldemort and his followers. He prayed that everyone had survived the attack.

Ron had returned shortly with Hermione and Madame Pomfrey, who came in to check the two boys over. His brain still seemed to be a little hazy and it took Harry a while to register what was going on around him. Dumbledore, Remus, and Professor Snape soon arrived as well. Harry was truly touched about the amount of concern everyone was expressing towards him. Everyone looked so relieved that he was still alive. He even saw unmistakable tears in Ron's eyes, which in itself was entirely odd. Usually any type of affection made him feel uncomfortable, but after what he had just experienced he appreciated the kind gestures. Ron and Hermione both expressed how much they cared for him before they left to tell the others the good news. His friends knew better than to pressure him for information, and there was always an unspoken agreement that Harry would talk about what had happened if and when he ever felt ready.

Dumbledore, however, had insisted upon speaking to Draco and Harry separately so that he could get an accurate account of what had actually occurred after Draco had cast the soul mate spell. Harry waited patiently in the small hospital room while the others spoke with Draco. He had no idea what to expect when it was his turn to speak to them. He wasn't comfortable revealing everything that happened to him and decided to stick to the basics. He just hoped that Draco would not reveal too much about what had happened to him in Limbo.

After a long while, the professors entered to small room and prepared to hear Harry's testimony about what had occurred. Draco was to wait out in the hospital ward while they were talking. Knowing that the situation would be uncomfortable for him, Madame Pomfrey administered to him a calming potion. As always, Dumbledore was very professional and careful about how he questioned Harry. He even enchanted a quill that would record everything that happened for an official record. After all, it was the first time that Solara Amicus had been used successfully in a thousand years or so. Since Harry knew nothing about the spell's origins, Snape quietly explained that he had been the one to suggest using the spell to Draco. In some small way, Harry felt connected to his mother through his experience. Lily Potter was the one that had begun researching the ancient texts looking for ways to protect wizards against Voldemort. It was strange that his experience would be added to the research that she had started.

He recounted his story slowly. The calming potion had helped and he found himself explaining his experience in a monotone voice. At first it was relatively easy to talk about it since everyone in the room knew about much of the abuse he had endured as a child. Harry felt hesitant about revealing the degree of he abuse he had suffered. A lump formed in his throat that made it difficult to speak. Sensing his discomfort, Remus placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, much like the way Sirius had done after the third task during the Triwizard Tournament. Remus could never replace Sirius's role in Harry's life, but his unwavering support and general concern over Harry's welfare made him feel like he finally had another father figure to look up to. He was able to finish by explaining how he had chosen to live again and had returned to his own body.

In the end, Harry decided to only reveal information that most of them would have already known about. The sexual abuse he suffered as a child was too horrible to say aloud. The professors looked at him as if they were expecting more, but accepted what Harry had to say nonetheless. After the several hours of interrogation, Harry and Draco were reunited once again. They were left all alone in the hospital ward. The faculty and students who had been injured during the battle had been healed a short time ago and released from the infirmary.

After their fateful encounter with Voldemort, Harry and Draco were to spend the rest of the night in the hospital ward. Madame Pomfrey had insisted that they be kept for observation to ensure that there were not complications left over from the spell Draco had used. Even after spending almost 24 hours unconscious, the young couple were both extremely tired. It seems that their emotional struggle while in Limbo and the fact that they both underwent the cruciatus curse had left their bodies weakened.

There were no words to describe the complex emotions each boy was feeling as they walked towards each other. In the end, words were not necessary. Draco simply walked up to Harry and embraced him warmly as he planted a gentle kiss on the smaller boy's forehead.

Harry felt himself led to one of the hospital beds, and Draco encouraged him lay down and get some rest. They each took a sip of a dreamless sleep potion the nurse had left them and got ready for bed. The blonde then scooted another hospital bed closer to Harry's and lay down beside him. Instinctively they both reached for each others hand at the same time as emerald green eyes met grey blue ones.

He was very tired, but the silence was deafening. Harry felt that he should say something. After all, Draco had just risked his life and soul in order to bring Harry back from the brink of death. After a long pause, he feebly whispered, "Thank you."

Draco nodded at him in response. The small amount of appreciation was enough. They fell asleep instantly, aided by the effects of the potion.

In the morning, they dressed quietly and walked down the Great Hall for the morning meal. Harry was feeling pretty apprehensive about dealing with such a large crowd of people. He didn't feel like answering anyone's questions. Draco apparently sensed his uneasiness and decided to join the Gryffindors for the breakfast despite the glares that he got from the Slytherin table.

They found Hermione, Ron, Ginny and Neville anxiously waiting for them. They each gave a reassuring smile and scooted over to make room for the couple. They didn't seem to mind that Draco was accompanying their friend this morning. Draco sat down next to Harry happily and began eating feverishly. He shoveled the food on his plate into his mouth at a surprising rate. The behavior was quite out of the ordinary for this usually dainty and well mannered snob.

Hermione laughed at his behavior while eating, "Draco, you have been hanging out with us for much too long now. You are even eating like Ron."

"Hey!" said Ron through a mouthful of food.

"Sorry! I am starving," said Draco as he polished off a piece of toast. "I haven't eaten for an entire day."

Harry sat in a quiet reverie watching the scene around him. It was oddly comforting to see Draco interacting with his friends, but he couldn't help but feel a little out of place after his recent experience. Not being particularly hungry, he picked at his food a bit while lost in his thoughts.

"You are not eating very much. Are you okay, Harry?" asked Hermione who was always concerned about his eating habits.

"Yeah, just been through a lot recently, okay?" he looked over at her hoping that she would drop the subject. He wasn't ready to discuss anything just yet.

"Okay," she said. She smiled warmly and resumed eating her own meal. They finished the rest of their meal in relative silence. Fortunately, the other students had known better than to pester Harry and Draco about what had happened. They too had experienced the battle, and they each had their own horrifying memories to deal with.

The six friends were just about to rise and head outside since they had the day off when Dumbledore stood proudly and began to make a speech. Every head turn towards him in confusion. Usually he left his big announcements for dinner time. Harry prayed that the headmaster wouldn't have the audacity to mention what he had experienced yesterday. He kept his head down and listened intently.

"I apologize for interrupting your breakfasts, but my message is most urgent. As you know, Voldemort and his followers waged a battle against us on Halloween night. He leashed upon on us the horrors of the dementors and his death eater followers, but he failed miserably. His attempt was unsuccessful because of the combined efforts of the Order of the Phoenix, the Ministry of Magic, the villagers of Hogsmeade, and the fine students and professors here at Hogwarts. Remember, we are only as strong as we are united. Although we were fortunate that everyone survived the ordeal, I am saddened to say that this will not be the last we see of Voldemort and his kind. A dark shadow is approaching out little world and many dark days are upon us. The light will only prevail if we join forces against this evil threat. We will not go down without a fight….and so the war has begun!"

The students began to murmur quietly about the implications of what Dumbledore has just said. Everyone was terrified. It was relatively easy for them before to ignore the fact that Voldemort had regained power. The Ministry of Magic had taken forever to recognize the Dark Lord's return, but since the attack on Hogwarts, the impending war was much too real. Some of the first years looked like they were about to cry.

Harry's friends began to discuss the seriousness of the situation. Ron and Ginny were sharing some information that they heard about the first war from their parents. Harry could only think about the prophecy and his involvement in this war. Was everyone really counting on the Boy-Who-Lived-Again-And-Again to win this war? Would he really have the power to bring Voldemort to his demise? He didn't think so, especially after he had come so close to death the other night.

Harry was ripped out of his thoughts when Dumbledore began to speak again. "In order to ensure the safety of all our students, the staff and I have put in place some necessary precautions. There will be no other Hogsmeade weekends until there is no longer a threat of danger. Also, the Ministry of Magic has placed some highly trained aurors at strategic positions around the school to ensure that no death eaters attempt to invade the castle. We also ask that you also keep a watchful eye out for any suspicious activities, not only at home on the holidays, but also here at school. Hogwarts will not tolerate any connections to Voldemort. Any student found to be communicating to the Dark Side will be dealt with accordingly. As you all know, Miss Pansy Parkinson was detained by the Ministry because of her betrayal. I am saddened to think that any of our students would willfully put the lives of others in danger. Remember, we are only as strong as we are united. Thank you," said the headmaster as resumed his seat.

Harry noticed that each of the professors had a grave look about their faces. These adults knew better than anyone just how terrifying the effects of war could be. They all remembered the horrors that Voldemort unleashed the last time he waged war. This situation was becoming more and more serious. Harry mentally reminded himself that his very own parents had been the victims of war. Who else would die because of this monster of a human being? Harry shuddered slightly at the thought.

He felt a comforting hand on his shoulder and he turned to look into Draco's eyes. "Let's all go outside and get some fresh air," the blonde haired boy said gently. _He must know what I am thinking, _thought Harry.

The six friends rose from the seats and quietly walked outside, each of them thinking about what Dumbledore had just said.

A/N: For the record, I hate this chapter. I found this chapter really hard to write and I don't know why. I thought it would be easy to begin where I left off, but I kept changing everything around. I also had to change the story from Ron's perspective to Harry's perspective. It's harder than you think. I feel like it is missing too much dialogue but I didn't want to only be repeating the final events in the last fic. I am not even sure if this is how I wanted the chapter to be, but oh well. Let me know what you think. BTW my beta, Tigercat, didn't get a chance to read this so please excuse any errors.

**Please review!**


	3. Emotional Explanations

**Chapter 3- Emotional Explanations**

The reality that the second war against Lord Voldemort had finally begun weighed heavily in everyone's hearts as the six friends made their way out of the castle and towards the lake. Dumbledore had not minced his words when he had given his brief, yet powerful speech at breakfast this morning. Life as they knew was about to change, and not for the better.

Ron and Hermione took the lead, followed by Ginny and Neville, and then Harry and Draco. The weather was quite favorable despite the fact that it was already late autumn. No one said much of anything as they strolled through the tall grasses. Unfortunately, there was too much that needed to be said, but no one knew how to begin.

Harry had followed the small gathering towards the lake completely lost in his thoughts. The war and his place in the grand scheme of things clouded what was going on around him. He was only aware of the sound of the crunching leaves as they walked on in silence. Having stared at his feet for most of their journey, he was surprised at the beauty around him when he finally lifted his head to take in his surroundings. He had been at Hogwarts for six years now, but he could not remember a day in which the surrounding landscape looked more beautiful. Maybe it was because he was looking at the world with fresh eyes. Near death experiences certainly have a way of altering your perspective about the world around you.

The sun was still fairly low in the sky, and it gave off a soft warm glow through the tops of the trees. Many of the trees still had their leaves and Harry was astonished to find himself surrounded by fiery reds, yellows, and oranges. The enormous trees swayed gently in the breeze, and their fluid motion made it seem as if the fall foliage was dripping off the branches of the ancient beings. The surface of the lake sparkled in the dim light of the rising sun, and its reflective surface softly mirrored the surrounding landscape like some abstract painting.

Harry was about to comment about the beautiful scenery when he heard Ron add his own thoughts to the situation. "Wow," he said dumbly as he hugged Hermione to his side. Harry sniggered at his brilliant and wordy explanation of the view and genuinely smiled at him.

They walked a little further until they found a favorite spot beneath an old maple tree that grew close to the water's edge. Neville and Ginny sat with their backs against the tree holding hands. Hermione and Ron plopped down on the brittle grass to their right. Harry slowly sat down to the left of Ginny and Neville, but a little farther away. Not really understanding why, he felt the need to distance himself somewhat. Draco decided to sit behind Harry so that his legs straddled him. He then gathered him in his arms. At first, Harry wanted to resist the affection, but he was so comfortable in his warmth that he felt himself resting against the taller boy in appreciation. The others noticed their obvious display of affection but said nothing. The uneasy silence continued as the small group stared out across the lake.

The tension was suddenly broken by the sounds of Draco's raspy voice. "I suppose that you all want to know what happened," he said as he cleared his throat. His eyes were still staring out across the water. Harry stiffened slightly in his arms when he realized what he was talking about, but remained quiet, waiting to hear what his beloved was going to say next.

Hermione and Ron looked at Ginny and Neville with a worried glance. They finally came to some decision silently and nodded at Draco to continue.

Draco sighed deeply as if to prepare himself to begin to tell his tale. "Do you know about the spell I used to protect Harry from the killing curse?"

Hermione nodded, "Yes, Professor Snape explained that it was a soul mate spell called Solara Amicus. He said that there was some research regarding it that was started by Harry's mother, but no one knew for sure what would happen after the spell was cast. It was believed that once the spell was said, the two bodies would both go into a temporary coma like state, while their souls were thrown into some kind of limbo. Death was prevented by the souls drawing strength from one another."

Harry and Draco both smiled at her ability to recall in exact detail what Snape had said about the spell. "That's right," said Draco. "Lily Potter's preliminary research was correct about what happened to us. We were somehow taken to Limbo, if that is what you call it."

"Really? What was it like?" asked Ron curiously. Draco looked away after the red head's outburst. Hermione slugged him in the upper arm for his blatant rudeness.

"It's alright. It's just hard to talk about. That's all," the blonde said looking back at his new friends.

"You don't have to Draco, its okay," said Ginny reassuringly.

"No, I need to, and I think you all deserve the right to know," said Draco.

Harry could feel his heartbeat quicken as he realized that Draco was going to reveal their experience in that horrible place. Harry carefully turned his head so that he could look up at the boy behind him. He pleaded with his eyes not to say anything about what happened to him. Draco looked down at him and smiled softly. He then kissed Harry on the forehead at whispered gently in his ear, "Don't worry, love, your story is not my place to tell."

Relieved by Draco's thoughtful comment, Harry turned back around and rested against his strong chest once again. Knowing that his experience wouldn't be revealed he waited to hear Draco's side of the story for the first time. Up until now, Harry never grasped at the idea that Draco had somehow experienced something other than what he knew about.

Draco stared out towards the lake again and began his tale. "I really had no idea what was happening after I cast the spell. I remember a bright light, but really nothing more. At first, I was really confused by my surroundings. I awoke to find myself in a cell of some kind and I had no idea how I cam to be there. It took me a while to realize that I was actually in the dungeon below Malfoy Manor. I was covered in bruises, and I was very afraid. After a long while, my father appeared and I ran towards him in relief thinking that he had come to save me. Seeing the anger in his face I quickly realized that instead of being rescued, I was being punished. It wasn't until later that I remembered my godfather telling me that we may have to come to terms with all the negative things that have happened in our lives and choose to live again. At the time, I truly believed that I was eleven years old again desperately trying to seek my father's approval. Apparently I had been sent to a time in my life in which I felt particularly helpless. My father had always been cruel to me, but never to the extent at which he went to during the Christmas holidays during my first year."

Draco paused at this point in the story as if he was reliving that horrific event. Harry kept his eyes focused on the lake's reflective surface. He desperately wanted to know what happened to Draco, but he knew that his experiences may unlock some of the memories in Harry's mind that he wasn't willing to acknowledge yet.

"Draco, are you okay?" asked Ginny who looked quite concerned for the two boys. Harry could feel him nod above hi. He felt Draco's arms tighten slightly around him as he continued.

"I didn't understand what was happening to me. It felt like déjà vu or something reliving that awful memory. My father was not pleased with my first semester at Hogwarts and he beat me with in an inch of my life, on Christmas Eve no less. I was imprisoned in the dungeon below the manor while the rest of my family was celebrating the holidays," he said with disdain in his voice.

_I can certainly relate to that_, thought Harry as he reflected on his own experiences of being locked in the cupboard under the stairs.

"Draco, what happened to cause your father to punish you so severely?" asked Hermione carefully. Ron looked at her surprised to hear her speak after being quiet for so long.

Draco gave another deep sigh and looked over at the others uncertainly.

'You don't have to say, Draco, its okay," said Ron.

"No, it's not that. Its just I have tried so hard to change myself from what I was that I would hate to bring this up... Remember during our first year when I caught the three of you out of your dorm after hours?"

Ron and Hermione nodded at him, unsure where the rest of his explanation going. "Yeah, we were visiting Hagrid at the time," said Ron.

"I hated following my father's every order, but I had no other choice at the time. I was unable to win Harry's friendship so I was instead forced to become his enemy. At the time, my father had brainwashed me into believing that that was how things were meant to be. Well, my mission while at Hogwarts was to find a way to expel Harry from school. My father believed that he would be more vulnerable to capture away from Dumbledore's watchful eye. I failed miserably in that attempt, and I even found myself attending detention in the Forbidden Forest with you lot. He also learned that Hermione was doing much better than me in all our classes despite the fact that I studied endlessly. I was somehow dishonoring the Malfoy name by not being the top in our class. My father was furious to say the least… I apologized over and over for my stupidity over being caught out after hours. I pleaded with him to understand that I would try harder next time… but my father wouldn't listen. He just kept hitting and kicking me over and over until I lost consciousness… "

Harry listened quietly as a few small tears streamed down his face, but no one seemed to notice as they were completely wrapped in Draco's story. He knew all to well what if felt like to be treated in the manner, but he never suspected that it ever got this bad for Draco. He silently wept for the pain that his boyfriend must have experienced while he was growing up.

"I am sorry to hear how awful your father treated you. Are you alright, Draco?" asked Hermione. Harry watched out of the corner of his eye as Ron placed a comforting arm around Hermione's shoulders to calm her worries.

"I am now. I laid there broken and in pain what seemed like forever trying to figure out what was happening. I was vaguely aware that something was wrong with the situation, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Oddly enough it was something my father said about _you_ Ron that snapped me back to reality."

Ron's jaw dropped in shock. "Really? What did he say?"

"Something along the lines of…'_You should be grateful that you are a Malfoy and not some pathetic Weasley!'_ But I remembered a time in my life when I did wish that I was Weasley and it triggered a whole series of memories from this summer," explained Draco.

"You wished that you were a Weasley?" asked Neville who clearly looked dumbfounded. He was still adjusting to the fact that they were all friends now and the thought of Draco and Ron getting along was difficult to enough to comprehend.

"Yeah, I still do sometimes…, " Draco said as his voiced trailed off.

"What? Why?" said Ginny and Ron together.

"Because I am jealous of your family and how well you all get along. I wished I had brothers or sisters like you do. And I wish that I had a mother and father that cared for me the way your parents care for you."

"I understand what you mean, but mum and dad love you and Harry a great deal. You are a part of our family," said Ron knowingly.

"Thank you for the comment. I really do appreciate it, but it's not the same," said Draco with some sadness in his voice.

Harry understood what Draco was trying to say and turned around in his arms and gave him a small kiss on the cheek. Draco smiled warmly, but then looked alarmed when he saw the tell tale signs of the tears that had streaked down his face only moments earlier.

"Are you alright Harry?" he asked with concern.

Harry turned around his arms so that he could rest against him once again. Keeping his eyes on the steadying waters he nodded. He needed to know what else had happened to Draco before they found one another so he asked him to continue. "You said that your father's comment about the Weasleys made you remember everything from last summer. What happened next?" asked Harry quietly.

"Well, like I said, I began to remember everything with greater and greater clarity until it all started making sense. I knew that what was happening to me wasn't real so I started to search the cell for a way out. Finding no escape, I became frustrated and I started to get upset. I kept thinking about how this couldn't be happening. I had run away from my father and I didn't intend to return. I wanted my life back. I didn't care about everything that had happened as long as I could live again… Then all of a sudden, the ceiling and walls of the cell began to melt away into nothingness. Oddly enough, I then found myself on a beautiful deserted island in the middle of the Caribbean."

"How did you know you were in the Caribbean?" asked Ginny curiously.

"I guess I kind of assumed that's where I was because it looked like the islands that I loved when my family used to vacation there. It was a very surreal experience. I no longer had any injuries from the beating my father gave me and an incredible feeling of peace came over me. I walked along the beach exploring the coast. I even discovered a small hut on the northern shore that was filled with everything someone would need in order to survive on an island all alone."

"It sounds beautiful, Draco. I am glad that you didn't have to stay in that hell hole with your father any longer," said Hermione.

"Yeah, well I knew that in the back of my mind something was still wrong."

"What do you mean?" asked Ron.

"Well, I had stood up against my father and chose to walk away from that way of life. I also chose to live again despite all the painful memories, but I was still stuck in Limbo. So I began to think about everything. I had everything I could ever want on that island… except…"

"Harry," said the others, nodding in understanding.

"There was something I was still meant to do, and I knew that it had to do with Harry. I grew frantic with worry because I couldn't figure out how I was going to leave the island and get to Harry. In the end I fell back against the sand sobbing and screamed Harry's name. It's hard to explain, but I was then somehow transported to Harry's location in Limbo…"

Draco looked down at the small boy in his arms sadly. This was the point in the story in which he knew the others would never know what happened. He hugged Harry closer and sighed deeply.

"I was able to find Harry… and together we chose to come back…" Draco smiled at his new friends hoping that they would have enough sense to know that Harry was in no way prepared to talk about what happened to him. They each looked at him in a way that communicated that they understood Harry's wishes. There was another long silence until someone finally spoke again.

"You were right, Neville," said Ginny quietly. Neville nodded at her in understanding.

"What? What do you mean?" asked Draco.

"He knew that if you were both truly soul mates that you would somehow find one another and bring each other back to us," she replied.

"Really?" asked Draco looking surprised.

"Yeah," said Neville. "Anyone can plainly see how much you two care for each other. If anyone could bring Harry back to life, it would be you Draco."

Draco blushed slightly at the heart warming comment as Harry smiled at his friends.

"I hope you both know what a scare you two gave us. We are glad that you both survived and we are going to do everything in our power to ensure that nothing like that ever happens again," said Ron.

"Thanks Ron," said Harry quietly as he continued to stare out across the lake.

Several hours later, Harry and Draco found themselves alone in the Room of Requirement. They were sitting next to one another on the plush couch attempting to get caught up with their studies.

Harry had accomplished almost nothing in the few hours they had been there. His thoughts kept drifting back to what had happened in Limbo. Memories that he had long forgotten about were now lingering closer and closer to his conscious mind. He had somehow repressed some of the more horrific memories that occurred when he was a young child, but now he was able to recall every detail with greater clarity.

"Harry, are you alright? You have been pretty quiet today," said Draco.

Harry was snapped out of his silent reverie at the sound of Draco's voice. "Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry; I just have a lot on my mind."

"Okay," said Draco, but he looked like he wasn't really sure.

"Hey, Draco," said Harry.

"Yes?"

"I never knew that it got that bad for you at home. I am sorry that you ever had to go through any of that."

"Don't be sorry. It's not your fault. Besides I ran away from my father so that I could escape that way of life… Just like you did." Harry knew that Draco added that last comment in the hopes to get him to understand that he was not alone in his experiences.

Harry merely nodded, but said nothing more. He had run away from the Dursleys, but he still felt like a coward for allowing them to hurt him like that for so long. He always believed that he deserved the punishments that he got. Had anything really changed?

"It's getting late," said Draco looking down at his watch. "We should head back to our dorms. We both could use the sleep."

"You are probably right," said Harry. To be honest, sleep was the furthest thing from his mind despite his body's aching protests. They gathered up their things and Draco walked Harry back to the portrait that led to the entrance of the Gryffindor common room.

"I wish you could come up with me. I loved sleeping next to you last night," Harry said softly.

"I do too… maybe we will again someday… goodnight…"

"Goodnight…"

Draco embraced Harry warmly and kissed him lightly on the lips. He looked deeply into Harry's eyes as if looking for some reassurance that the dark haired boy would be okay after he was gone. Unable to read his expression he pressed his lips against Harry's temple and whispered, "I love you," into his ear.

He waited for Harry to give the portrait the password and cross through the portal before he turned to walk away.

Harry made his way through he dimly lit common room and up the stone staircase. His dorm mates were already softly snoring in their own respective beds. Harry undressed quietly and slipped into bed making sure to pull the bed curtains down around him.

He laid their listening to the sounds of the night wondering if he was going to ever be able to fall asleep. He desperately wanted another dreamless sleep potion, but Madame Pomfrey had said that he needed to wait another couple of days before he could take another dose.

He tried to rid his mind of all the terrible thoughts and memories that were plaguing him, but to no avail. He felt very scared and alone. He shivered slightly and pulled the blankets and comforter closer to his body. Unfortunately, the coldness that he was feeling was not because of the castle's drafty temperatures. No, this coldness was a tight little knot residing in the middle of his chest that would not come undone. He felt as miserable as he did when he first came to the Burrow after escaping the Dursleys. He willed himself not to fall asleep for fear of the nightmares that may come when he did finally close his eyes. He laid there dreading the moment when he could stay conscious no longer. He waited for the monster that would inevitably invade his dreams, but which monster would it be tonight?

A/N: This was unbeta'd. (I can't seem to get in touch with her). I really liked this chapter as I think it was important for the six friends to understand what had happened. I hope that it wasn't overly redundant to those of you who had read the original fic Bring Me to Life. Was Harry's character too reserved and detached? I can't decide. I also had to include the fall scenery as my muse wouldn't leave me alone until I did.


	4. Never Ending Nightmares

**Chapter 4- Never Ending Nightmares**

Harry found himself studying in the library once again. It had become something of a routine in the last few weeks. Hermione had finally convinced them that their grades would improve if they followed her studying time table. And so he began to work relentlessly at raising his grades, attending as many late night study sessions as possible. It became somewhat of a passion for him. He was so tired of the chaos that reined throughout his life that he found comfort in the pursuit of education. It was something that he was actually capable of controlling. Something he could possibly be good at. Something that could help take his mind off everything else that was plaguing him.

His best friends were sitting across the table from him bickering slightly. Ron had not taken to the new study schedule as well as Harry had. He complained about it more than anything else. The red haired boy had not written much of anything in the last two hours that they were there and Hermione was trying to get him to look up the research he would need in order to complete the assignment.

"Mione, can't we take a break? Its getting really late and I can't concentrate on this stuff anymore. It's so boring!"

Hermione sighed heavily in frustration and threw her hands up in the air. "Fine! See if I care when you fail all of your classes. You should be more like Harry. At least he is trying to improve his grades."

The couple looked over at their dark haired friend at the mention of his name. They noticed that he was holding his body upright with a great deal of weariness. In addition, dark circles under his eyes were present against his pale skin. They looked back as one another silently communicating that they were each concerned about him. Saying that he looked so exhausted would be an understatement.

In fact, Harry's eyes had begun to swim in and out of focus as he pored over his History of Magic textbook. He had already completed the two feet of parchment required on the Wizard's Rebellion, but he wanted to make sure that he hadn't left anything of significance out.

"Hey mate, I think it's about time that we got ourselves off to bed. You look like your about to drop off to sleep right here," said Ron.

"I'm fine. You guys can go on without me. I want to get this assignment done."

"Maybe we should leave, Harry," tried Hermione. "Madame Pince keeps looking our way. Besides it is close to curfew and McGonagall isn't going to be happy if she catches us out after hours again."

Harry looked at his best friend's determined faces and knew there wasn't a point in arguing. He began to pack up his things into his school bag and returned the books that he had borrowed from the librarian on her counter. The three friends walked out into the corridor silently.

Harry followed Ron and Hermione towards the Gryffindor tower in complete silence. He dreaded going back to the dorm because he didn't to want to fall asleep or be alone in his thoughts. Thinking quickly, he reached in his school bag and brought out his father's invisibility cloak.

"Hey, listen. Draco was supposed to serve detention tonight with Professor Snape for that prank he pulled on those Slytherins the other day. He should be done by now. I am going to go and see if I can catch up with him," said Harry.

"You really shouldn't be walking around this late. We are prefects, Harry, and I can't keep letting you sneak around like this. You are going to be caught eventually," said Hermione.

"That is why I have this," said Harry as he lifted up the precious cloak. The silvery fabric shined in the light given off by the torches.

"Alright, Harry. Just be careful," said Ron, as he grabbed Hermione's arm.

She looked like she was about to protest, but then saw the look Ron gave her. She set her lips firmly together and turned to walk away with her boyfriend. As they walked, she looked over her shoulder at Harry still standing in the hallway and softly said, "Goodnight."

He nodded at her. Harry marveled at the way his best friends interacted with each other now. They had become closer than ever before since the recent events in their lives. They acted just like an old married couple. Sure, they argued all the time, but they truly cared about one another a great deal. The looks they gave one another spoke volumes, and they always seemed to know what the other was thinking. Harry had always known that they were right for another, and he was glad that they had finally come to realize what everyone else had already understood.

Harry threw the cloak about him and disappeared into the night. He walked slowly down the hall thinking about his friends. He hated lying to them about seeing Draco. The blonde did have to serve detention with Snape, but Harry was not going to see him. Instead, he was on his way to once again to plead his case with the school nurse. If Ron and Hermione knew the real reason why he had lied to them, there would be no end to their pestering questions.

As he walked along the corridors he thought about his relationship with Draco. If someone had asked him about it two years ago, he would have laughed in their face at their audacity. Now he could not imagine an existence without Draco present. He had been more patient and supportive than Harry could have ever asked for. Things always seem easier when Draco was around. He understood Harry in ways that no one else could. Maybe it was because they shared a similar past and could identify with each other's pain. Maybe it was because they were basically halves of the same whole. Yin and Yang. Black and White. Or maybe it was because of their unexplainable bond as soul mates. Harry could in no way begin to fathom how to explain their love, but he knew that it was pure. Something good in all the bad that he could hold onto.

They had spent a lot of time together in the last few weeks. Draco's patience was unwavering. He was always there for whatever Harry needed at the time. Sometimes it would mean quietly sitting beside one another. Other times, it was cuddling before a fire. They had tried on a few occasions to become more intimate, but Harry was still struggling to overcome the sexual abuse he had endured while growing up. They never got farther than kissing. And it wasn't for a lack of trying. Harry desperately wanted to be something more to Draco, but the horrific memories were still too fresh in his mind after his experience in Limbo.

Harry had undergone a mixture of emotions as he began to understand the implications of what Draco had done when he cast the soul mate spell. In some ways, he wished that Voldemort had been successful in his attempt to kill him. At least then he would be with his parents. But then he remembered the prophecy and his role in everything, and he felt guilty. He knew that he was meant for something more, but he couldn't even begin to think about how he was going to bring about Voldemort's downfall when he was struggling with everything else.

Suddenly, Harry stopped in his tracks in the middle of the corridor feeling like something was amiss. He had been so lost in his thoughts that he had forgotten where he was going. Realizing where he was, he back tracked partly down the hall and opened the door that he had passed by mistake.

He took off the cloak and draped it over his arm as he entered the infirmary. After a brief search, he found Madame Pomfrey tidying up her office that was adjacent to the hospital ward.

"Mr. Potter, I am surprised to see you here at this late hour. Are you feeling well? Why are you out of bed?" asked the school nurse curiously as she wiped her hands on a towel. Harry had become a regular visitor while at Hogwarts, and she worried about his well being.

"Well… I was... uh… wondering…"

"Yes, what is it?" she asked firmly.

Harry mumbled something quickly under his breath and darted his eyes at the ground.

"What was that?" she asked again, tilting to her head to one side.

"I said I was wondering if I could have a dreamless sleep potion," said Harry.

The nurse looked at him intensely, her features masking her true emotions. "You know I can't do that, Harry. I can only give you the potion a few times a week, and even then it should be taken with great caution. Are you still having nightmares?"

Harry nodded numbly.

"Any visions?"

"No," he replied honestly.

"Well, I am sorry, but I will be unable to administer you anymore of the potion, unless I hear otherwise from the headmaster. You have already been taking too much of it. I fear that you may become addicted if I allow you take it any further."

"Alright, thank you anyway," said Harry as he turned to leave her office in apparent disappointment. She stopped him by placing a hand on his shoulder.

"You know, Harry, you are only masking your problems by taking the potion. You need to begin to heal from all the traumas you have endure, not ignore it. Maybe you should speak to a counselor. I could…."

"I'm fine. Goodnight," said Harry angrily as he brushed her hand off of his shoulder. He walked out into the corridor as the heavy door slammed behind him and leaned his forehead against the cool stone wall. He could not determine why he was feeling so angry right now. He felt like punching something in frustration.

He had not slept properly since Halloween and he desperately wanted a good nights rest. He was functioning on so little sleep it was a wonder that he could even stand upright. He was beginning to wonder if he was even going to be able to play Quidditch. As much as he loved the sport, he wasn't sure that he would have enough energy to maneuver his broom properly. They had a big game coming up soon and Harry knew that he wasn't playing the way he used to. Because of his ban last year and his unwillingness to fall asleep at night, his skills had suffered somewhat. Fortunately, his teammates were really supportive and understood completely. They seemed to believe that Harry would come around in time.

Sighing deeply, Harry turned around and leaned his back against the wall. He looked both directions down the long corridor. One way would lead back to his dormitory, the other would lead to the Great Hall and the other house dormitories. A part of him wanted to see Draco again today, but he felt like he was more of a bother than anything to him. How can someone be in a relationship with a wonderful person, and yet feel so alone? He hated to be a burden, and that is how he often felt around Draco.

Giving up on the chance of getting a dreamless sleep potion, he threw the cloak around his shoulders once again, and made he made his way back to Gryffindor. He was in no hurry, as he did not want to fall asleep without the aid of the wondrous drug he had come to rely on.

He felt himself go in a trance like state as he walked with heavy footsteps across the castle. Before he knew it, his body had carried him to the portrait that guarded the common room. He removed the cloak and uttered the password to the portrait. The fat lady seemed irritated to be bothered at such a late hour, but allowed him to enter without so much as a comment.

He was relieved to see that the common room was empty. He was about to sit down on chair near the fireplace, when he thought better about it. He knew that as tired as he was, that he was going to inevitably fall asleep. It might as well be in his own bed. He climbed the stone staircase that led to the boy's dorm rooms. Thankfully, his room mates were already asleep. He discarded his robes and got dressed in his pajamas.

Not wanting to wake anyone up if he had a nightmare, he pulled the bed curtains down around him as he climbed into bed. He then cast a silencing charm around his bed. The room was quite chilly, so he pulled the warm comforter close to his body. He desperately tried to keep his eyes open, but he knew that sleep would come despite his unwillingness to fall asleep naturally. In the end he succumbed to the slumber his mind had craved for so long.

At first, his dreams seemed to be flashes of long forgotten memories. A flash or green light… a woman's scream… Aunt Petunia…Dudley… the cupboard… Vernon… _fear…_Cedric… Sirius… Voldemort…_hate_… Images filled his brain like a strobe light in the darkness until finally a nightmare took hold. His nightmare's mainly consisted of his experiences with Voldemort or the abuse he endured at the hands of his uncle, but tonight was different. This time the monster took the form of his Aunt Petunia.

_It was early Christmas morning, and little Harry could hear the sounds of everyone waking up in enthusiasm due to this special holiday. Although he had never been included in their celebrations, a small part of him felt swept up in the excitement. He secretly hoped that he would be getting something from Santa Claus this year. He had tried extra hard this year to be a good boy for his uncle._

_He got dressed quickly and sat down on his little cot and waited until his Aunt Petunia to unlock the cupboard door. Harry listened as his relatives feasted on what smelled like a delicious Christmas breakfast. Later, he could hear his cousin beg his mother and father if he could open his presents as his plump body plodded across the hallway floor and into the living room. Harry waited and waited, but his aunt never came. He slid off of the cot and lay on the floor so that he could peek out through the vent at the bottom of the cupboard door. He could barely see what was happening in the living, but he heard the tell tale signs of wrapping paper being ripped off of numerous packages. He again began to wonder if Santa Claus had brought him any presents. Maybe his aunt and uncle hadn't seen them yet._

_Finally the curiosity overtook his better sense of judgment and he knocked on his own door. When no one came, he knocked again. He heard the sound of his aunt approaching the cupboard and waited as she undid the lock._

"_What is it?" she hissed. Harry knew from the expression on her face that he had interrupted their festivities._

"_I… I … I was wondewing.. "_

"_Wondering what, boy? Spit it out!" she said angrily._

"_I was w-wondewing if S-Santa had bwought me any pwesents," Harry said quietly._

"_And why would he do that? You are nothing but a worthless freak."_

"_B-but…" he began._

"_But what?"_

"_I thought that all good boys and giwls got pwesents from Santa. I have been a good boy this yeaw."_

"_You have not! Where would you get an idea like that?" asked Petunia._

"_Uncle Vewnon…"_

"_What are you talking about?" His aunt looked bewildered at such a preposterous notion._

"_Uncle Vewnon says I am a good boy….w-when…I …h-he," Harry was stuttering uncontrollably. He realized that he had almost told about the secret._

"_When he what?" Her voice was now extremely quiet, but it was laced with venom. She grabbed by the shirt and waited for an answer._

"_When he t-touches m-me…" Harry confessed out of fear. Deep down, he was hoping that if he told the truth that he would be rewarded for being a good boy. He knew in his heart that it was wrong, but his uncle had manipulated him into believing that that was all good little boys did._

"_You foul little boy.__How dare you!" Petunia struck her nephew hard against the cheek bringing tears instantly to Harry's eyes. His aunt had never been kind to him, but she had never hit him like this. "Don't you dare say something like that ever again….or…or… you know what will happen!"_

"_I'm sowwy," Harry tried to explain, but it was too late his aunt had already slammed the door shut. Harry lay down on his cot and curled up in misery. He didn't understand why he was always being treated this way. Didn't he always try to be a good boy and do everything that they asked? He had always felt lonely while at the Dursleys, but he had never felt this alone. He prayed that someone out there would rescue him. Maybe they would love him and treat him like a real family. Sobs began to rack his body as he began to pray._

_Harry then felt like he was falling through the darkness. The endless abyss seemed to be swallowing him whole and reality as he knew it seemed to disappear. He could feel a presence in the darkness, but he could not decide if it was friend or foe. Lost in his thoughts he heard a voice calling his name._

"_Harry? Harry!"_

Harry jolted awake and squinted his eyes against the harsh light of the morning sun. He soon realized that the voice calling him had been Ron's. His bed curtains had been pulled back and he could see that the rest of their dorm room was empty. He fell back against his pillows and squeezed his eye lids tightly together to prevent the tears that had yet to fall. When he was sure that he would not cry in front of his friend, he turned towards him with a blank expression on his face.

"Harry, are you alright? Were you having a nightmare?" asked Ron, who was obviously concerned.

Harry looked a way knowing that he could not lie to him about the nightmare. Ron had shared a dorm with him long enough to know when he was dreaming. He felt Ron sit down on the side of the bed, but he said nothing. Ron's patience with him had increased over the last few years and he simply waited quietly.

"Harry?"

"Yes, I had a nightmare."

"Do you want to talk about it?" asked Ron. Harry shook his head no.

"Do you want me to wait for you while you get ready?"

"No, I am alright, Ron."

"Are you sure?" asked his best friend. Harry shot him a frustrated look. "Alright, alright. I will leave you alone. But Harry, I care about you and I am worried that something may be wrong. You seem to be having nightmares all the time now. Can't you take a dreamless sleep potion?"

"Madame Pomfrey won't let me anymore," Harry said in a flat voice.

Ron looked at his friend with great sadness in his eyes. Harry looked away so that he didn't have to see that look again.

"You know, Ron, you don't have to pity me," Harry said in a distant voice.

Ron looked at him curiously and said, "Pity you?"

"Yeah, you always look so sad around me. You and Hermione both. I wish you wouldn't, it just makes things harder."

"I am sorry that I make you feel that way, but it is not pity that is upsetting me. Well, not really."

"What do you mean?" asked Harry sounding quite confused.

Ron rocked back on the bed and pulled his feet up so that he could rest his chin on his knees. He then proceeded to wrap his arms around his legs. Harry couldn't remember Ron ever looking so insecure.

After a long while, Ron finally answered. "I feel like I am a failure to you as your friend, Harry. I am so sorry about what happened to you."

"Sorry? Why would you be sorry? You didn't do anything!"

"That's exactly my point Harry. I didn't do anything. At all! I stupidly watched as my best friend suffered," said Ron looking teary eyed.

Harry looked at him dumbfounded. What was Ron trying to say?

"I should have known something was wrong at the Dursleys when you came back looking…. well looking the way you did every summer. I should have protected you from everything, but instead I went about my life being jealous of you instead. And then when we came back to school, I had a really bad feeling about going to Hogsmeade for the Halloween celebration. I even overhead Snape and Dumbledore talking about how dangerous it could be, but I ignored my instinct and allowed you to go the festival anyway. Don't you see! I could have prevented so many things and I didn't. I am so sorry, Harry!"

Ron put his head down in his arms just as the first tears began to fall. Luckily Harry hadn't noticed them in time. His head was trying to process everything his best friend had just said.

"Ron, none of that was your fault. You told me that you thought that it wasn't a good idea, but I wanted to go anyway. You couldn't have known about anything that has happened. You are the best friend I have ever had."

Ron tried to wipe his tears on his sleeve as he brought his reddened face up to look at his friend. "Yeah… but… I made myself a solemn promise that I would never let you be hurt again, and I couldn't even protect you from Voldemort!"

"Ron, Voldemort is extremely powerful and he used the killing curse. I thought I was as good as dead. I didn't even know there was a counter spell until Draco used the Solara Amicus. You wouldn't have been able to perform it yourself. We are best friends but we are not soul mates."

Ron looked like he was going to argue further, but Harry stopped by raising his hand. "Listen, I appreciate your concern, but don't feel guilty. I don't blame you and I never would. Okay?"

Ron nodded at him but he didn't look like he really believed it himself. Harry began to get up so that he could get ready. Ron stood up from his position on the bed.

"What about your nightmares? Will you please go and talk to Dumbledore about it? Maybe he can help."

Harry shrugged his shoulders. He honestly did not want to talk to Dumbledore about his nightmares, but he didn't think he could stand one more night of reliving all of his repressed memories that had awakened in his conscious mind. "Alright, I guess I will."

Ron smiled down at his friend and put a hand on Harry's shoulder. He left it there for an awkward amount of time before he left. Harry could tell that his friend wanted to comfort him by hugging or something, but he was still uncomfortable with touching. He only seemed to be relaxed about it around Draco.

As Ron left the room, Harry's thoughts turned back to his recent nightmare. He had forgotten all about that Christmas, and he was inwardly embarrassed about the comment he made to his aunt about being a "good boy." He was too young to understand what his uncle was doing to him, but it shamed him nonetheless.

Harry had not felt the need to cut himself in a very long while, but the mere thought running a cool blade across his arms right now was especially appealing. He just wanted to forget everything, but he had made a promise to Draco. He had finally found love that was true and unconditional, and he did not want to jeopardize the trust they had forged with each other.

He buried any lingering thoughts about cutting and quickly dressed. He didn't even bother with showering this morning. This simple act of proper hygiene seemed unimportant right now. He walked down the empty corridor towards the Great Hall and entered the enormous room. Finding his friends, he sat down beside them and looked across the hall for Draco at the Slytherin table.

Draco's eyes chose to look up at him at that instant. His expression changed softly from a smile to a look of concern. He tilted his head slightly to the side searching Harry's face for some sign in which he could discern what was troubling him. Harry simply smiled in his direction in his best attempt to look normal.

Later that evening, Harry worked up enough courage to go and speak to Professor Dumbeldore.

He approached the statue that guarded his office and uttered the password, "Peeps." The headmaster had given him the new password in case he needed to ever speak to him.

He climbed the stone stairway slowly, stalling the moment in which he would have to reveal his situation. He looked up when he reached the inner doors and knocked softly. He waited only a moment when he heard the old mad say "Enter."

Harry entered the headmaster's private office and quietly took a seat before his desk. "Ah, Harry my boy, how are you this evening?"

"A little tired, sir."

"Haven't you been sleeping well?"

"No," Harry replied shortly.

"Madame Pomfrey informed me that you requested another dreamless sleep potion. May I ask why?" asked Dumbledore.

"I have been having nightmares again, sir."

"Are they visions of Voldemort?" he asked seriously.

"No, I haven't seen anything since before Halloween. My scar has not even hurting."

"Really? Hmmmm…." The old man did not speak in a long while. He sat back in his chair and looked thoughtful. He even stroked his beard absentmindedly. A small twinkle was now evident in his eyes as he seemed to come to some conclusion.

"Professor?"

"Yes? Oh, I am sorry, I was just thinking about your scar. There is no way to be sure, but I have a theory about why you have not had any visions recently. I believe that when your soul was detached from you body and thrown into Limbo, that your link with Voldemort was severed. You were gone for so long that the connection may have not been re-established when you returned to your body."

Harry sat there in disbelief. Could what the professor was saying be really true? He felt almost happy that he wouldn't have to witness the horrors of Voldemort's actions, but he quickly squashed the happiness as a sense of guilt slowly set in.

"Harry? I thought you may be excited that the link was severed. What is wrong?"

"It was our only way to know what he was planning. Since Professor Snape has been discovered as a spy, we no longer have someone on the inside to keep us informed."

"You are right about that, but do not feel guilty about the link being destroyed, Harry. You did not willfully break the connection and besides your mental well being is what concerns me the most."

Harry nodded at the old man in understanding. "Will I have to continue taking occlumency lessons?"

"Well that remains to be seen. It is fortunate that the link has been severed, but if you were confronted by Voldemort in person he could just as easily possess your mind. So occlumency may still be useful. I will have to speak to Professor Snape about this manner."

Harry was clearly disappointed. He did not want the professor probing his mind again as he already knew too much about his past. He had begun to remember many repressed memories and he did not want the man to know anymore than he already did.

"Harry, if your dreams are not visions of Voldemort, may I ask what they are of?"

"To be honest they are really horrible. Mostly I dream about the Dursleys, but sometimes I dream about my parents, Cedric, and Sirius…"

"Ah… I was afraid of that. Harry, you have suffered a great deal. You endured not only physical abuse, but emotional and sexual abuse as well. I know you have refused counseling in the past, but I most stress that it is very important that you speak to someone about this…"

Harry was getting really agitated. Why can't everyone mind their own business? How did he know about the sexual abuse? There was no way that Ron or Draco would have said something. Snape must have told him about what he saw during their occlumency lessons. "No!"

"I'm sorry?"

"I said no. I don't want to talk about it. Okay? I don't have to and you can't make me!" Harry said angrily.

"Alright, calm down. It was only a suggestion, Harry. Maybe in time? Hmm?"

Harry looked away from the old man. He came here to try and solve the problem about his nightmares, but he only managed to become more upset in the process.

"Do you think I may get a dreamless sleep potion, sir?" he finally asked the headmaster.

"I am afraid that that would not be advisable. You have already become too dependent upon the substance."

"Fine," said Harry as he got up to leave.

"I do have an alternative, however," said Professor Dumbledore.

"What?" Harry asked as he sat back down.

"Well, the house elves have a lovely tea that will help you fall asleep more easily."

Harry rolled his eyes. There was no way that a tea would help him get over his nightmares.

"And… I have a gift for you."

"Really?" Harry asked. His face was a mixture of conflicting emotions. He was excited to receive a present, but he was afraid of what it might be.

Dumbledore rose from his desk and retrieved a package from a side table. Placing it upon the desk, he tapped the brown paper box with his wand and the wrappings magically disappeared. In its place was a pensieve, much like the one that headmaster himself used.

"A pensieve?"

"Yes, as you know you may retrieve memories from you mind and store them in here. That way you will have fewer things on your mind while you are falling asleep. I can't say that you will no longer have any nightmares, but I certainly believe that the number and severity will be greatly reduced."

Harry looked at the small stone bowl in wonder. The magical silvery liquid within the container shimmered as it moved in silent fluidity. This might actually work!

"You will also find a small wooden chest in your dorm room beside your bed when you return. It has a lock that only you can open so that you may store the pensieve without anyone prying into your memories."

Harry appreciated the fact that the headmaster had thought that far ahead. He seemed to know about his room mates inquisitive natures.

"Aren't they rather rare and expensive?" Harry asked uncertainly.

"Do you not want the gift?"

"Oh no, I think it is wonderful."

"Then what does it matter?"

Harry looked up at the headmaster and smiled genuinely. "Thank you," he said with as much appreciation as he could muster.

"You are welcome. I hope that you have pleasant dreams tonight."

A/N: Whoa, that was a really long chapter (14 pages). Did you like it? I know what you are all thinking…. Why can't this stupid author give poor Harry a break? Well, I agree with you all. There will be a lovely, happy, fluffy chapter coming that will help balance out all this angst. However, there are a few scenes I want to develop before that scene so it probably won't be out for a few more chapters.

Many thanks to all my reviewers. And to all you silent readers out there, thank you too!


	5. Whispers in the Dark

A/N: Many thanks to my new reviewer/ beta **Drae**. I could have never continued without you! Thank you to everyone who said that they would like to help as well. (menecarkawan, Jess, stampedelover, Katie, Black Penther, mandie/snuffles, mickikat, Silver Malfoy Potter, Immortal Memories, Goldengirl2, spidermonkey-Demon). I appreciated that so many reviewers had stepped up to the challenge. Drae has done a fine job, but if I need additional help in the future I will let you know.

**Chapter 5- Whispers in the Dark**

Harry spent the better part of two hours retrieving memories and placing them in his pensieve. He was eternally grateful to his headmaster for the thoughtful gift, and he was excited at the prospect of actually obtaining a full night's rest. Harry had explained to Ron that he needed to be alone for a while, and his friend was kind enough to keep everyone out of their dorm room long enough so that he could find some peace.

Harry had positioned himself cross-legged on the four poster bed with the stone bowl in front of him. The process of retrieving memories was fairly simple. He had to merely think of a memory and tap his wand against his temple. A yellowish light would then appear from the end of the wand and Harry would proceed to dip the tip of the magical tool into the silvery liquid to store the memory. What he had not expected was that the experience of draining his mind from his painful thoughts was somewhat traumatizing. Harry actually had to try and recall every horrific thing that had ever happened to him. Since his experience in Limbo, recalling memories had not really been a problem. In fact he could remember too many. At one point he thought there might be a limit to what the pensieve was capable of holding, but fortunately that did not happen.

Memory after memory was retrieved from his tired mind. Specific experiences while at the Dursleys', the death of his parents, all the times he endangered his friend's lives, the deaths of Cedric and Sirius, and finally the abuse and rape that had happened this past summer.

After several hours, Harry was spent. He hadn't even realized that he had been crying until he brought his hands up to rub his tired eyes. It was still quite early in the evening, but he was exhausted. He quietly put the pensieve in the wooden chest beside his bed and locked it properly. He then proceeded to lie down on top of his covers fully clothed. He lay on his side and brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around his waist.

His mind felt much more at peace than it had in a long time, but the experience had been quite overwhelming. The traitorous tears kept pouring down his face as a testament to everything he had ever endured. When it seemed that finally the last tear had fallen, he quietly prayed before he went to sleep that he would not have any nightmares tonight. It wasn't long before he nodded off. He was fortunate enough to have a restful sleep for most of the night, but early in the morning he entered the R.E.M. state of consciousness.

_Harry knew in some sense that he was dreaming, but all he could see was darkness. The pitch black seemed somewhat familiar to him and Harry was not afraid. It was as if he could sense a presence in the unseen blackness. Who or what Harry could not identify._

_Suddenly, there was a whisper in the dark, "Harry!"_

He bolted upright wondering where the voice had come from. He looked quickly around the room. He realized that he was now awake and that he must have been a sleep for quite a while. He sighed in relief. He had certainly had a dream, but Harry could not exactly call it a nightmare. In fact, it didn't seem to have anything to do with what he normally dreamed about. _Is this what normal dreams are like?_ It had been so long since Harry had dreamt normally that he really didn't know what to make of what he just imagined. Deciding that he was making a big deal out of nothing, he pushed what happened out of his mind.

Upon looking at his alarm clock he knew that it was still very early in the morning. The dormitory was rather dark and all of his roommates were sound asleep. Harry looked down and realized that he had been covered with a soft blanket sometime in the middle of the night. _Ron…he must have done this_, thought Harry. He smiled at his friend's thoughtful gesture. His best friend treated him more like a little brother than anything else. It made Harry feel like he was part of a family in some small way.

Harry, still being somewhat tired, decided to get some more sleep. It was the first time in as long as Harry could remember that he had not had a nightmare. The pensieve must have worked. Without the memories of his past plaguing his mind, he was able to get some rest like a normal person. Again, it wasn't long before he was fast asleep.

_At first, all Harry could process was the utter darkness around him until finally an image began to take form. A room dimly lit by a fire came into focus and it seemed as if he was at the center sitting in an arm chair. He willed himself to look around and take in his surroundings but something kept his focus on another arm chair that was across from him._

_He could hear someone pacing about the room angrily, but he dared not look up from that green chair. He began to memorize its every feature. The way that it was stained on the arm rests from people's oily skin over many years. The way that the fabric puckered everywhere it had been gathered and fashioned with an elaborate button. The way the nail heads beaded around the edging of the upholstery hiding the unfinished edges. Why was this one image so clear in his mind?_

_Finally, the pacing around him stopped and a voice could be heard._

"_Can you explain to me why I just received a letter from your headmaster telling me that you have gotten in trouble once again?" the voice asked viciously. Harry could tell from the tone that the voice came from a male. An angry male._

_Harry continued to stare at the chair in front of him in absolute terror_.

"_Well, explain yourself!"_

"_We were just trying to have some fun. We got carried away!" Harry felt himself say, but why he said that or what they were talking about he had no clue._

"_Carried away? Someone could have been killed!"_

_Harry continued to stare at the arm chair waiting for the man's next comment._

"_You are a disgrace to this family. I am in the right mind to_ _send you out to the streets for your actions. What would the Dark Lord say about your foolish actions!"_

"_I don't care what he thinks!" said Harry angrily._

"_You what?"_

"_I said I don't care…"_

_And with that Harry felt the man rush upon him and he knew that he was about to come to some physical harm. He jerked way quickly not really understanding the dangerousness of his last comment._

In reality, Harry had jerked himself awake and had almost fallen off the bed. His body was shaking and covered in a sheen of sweat. His dream left him feeling bewildered and frightened. He had no memory of any conversation like that occurring with his uncle or anyone else for that matter, and yet it had felt so real.

He shook his head to clear his thoughts, but he was still confused by the strange dream. Was it normal to have weird dreams like this? It felt like he was living someone else's memories. Was that even possible and why? He felt like he was going crazy or something.

Harry became aware that his roommates were staring to stir, so he gathered his things and made his way to the boy's bathroom so that he could begin to get ready for the day. Maybe a long hot shower would rid his mind of that awful dream. Drowning himself in a shower had never sounded so appealing. He definitely needed to wash away his sorrows. He hoped the scalding water would cleanse his soul as well as his skin.

Later that evening, Harry was lying beside Draco on the large four poster bed in the Room of Requirement. Each was oddly quiet as they had a lot on their minds. Green eyes stared quietly into the grey-blue ones across from him as he sighed deeply. Not being able to look at the beautiful boy in front of him any longer, Harry looked away with great sadness in his eyes.

"I've missed you," Draco said softly.

Harry laughed a little. "You just saw me this morning."

"Yeah, I saw you, but I wasn't able to be with you. I understand why we keep our relationship a secret and all, but it is hard sometimes."

"I know," said Harry. "The only time I really get to see you is in the evenings after Quidditch practice, and lately you have been having a lot of detentions."

"Yeah, sorry about that," said Draco.

"Don't be sorry." Harry knew that Draco had been having some trouble in Slytherin since Pansy was taken into custody. He was only doing what was necessary to survive in his House. The other children of the Death Eaters were giving him a hard time. On a few occasions a fight had broken out, but mostly they hexed and cursed each other. Draco had also invested in a few more items from the Weasley twins so that he could retaliate properly. Draco certainly had changed over the last year, but the part of him that was Slytherin was not about to die. Unfortunately, the events that had occurred did not warrant suspension or expulsion, so Draco and the others spent most of their time in detention waiting for another opportunity to strike. Harry admired Draco's strong sense of will in the face of adversity.

"At least I get to spend time with Severus."

"I wouldn't think that he would let you off that easily."

"Oh, he doesn't! I have scrubbed more cauldrons than I care to admit, but at least in detention I can be in the same room with him without worrying about anyone else listening. We have had some interesting conversations."

Draco got a far away look in his eyes as he talked about his beloved godfather. "What's wrong Draco?" asked Harry.

"Oh, I don't know. I guess I am just worried about him. He doesn't seem well these days since Voldemort discovered that he was a spy. I wonder if he is being affected by the Dark Lord in some way. He may be my professor, but he is my godfather too."

Harry nodded in understanding. He too had worried about his godfather, Sirius, all the time until…. until he had died.

They lay beside each other for a very long time just listening to each other breathing. Draco could sense that something was still troubling Harry. He reached towards Harry and placed his hands on either side of his pale face, forcing him to look back at him. Draco then reached towards Harry and placed a soft kiss on his parted lips.

"I love you," he whispered to the dark haired boy. "You know that, right?"

Harry nodded mutely. A part of him knew how much Draco cared for him or else the fair headed boy would never have gone to the lengths that he did in order to protect him. But another part of him wondered deep down inside why Draco even bothered with him sometimes. Let's face it. He was a complete mess most of the time, and he came with more emotional baggage then most people. He had been conditioned to feel unloved for so long it was hard to believe that anyone could love someone a pathetic as him. He certainly believed that he did not deserve it.

"Then what's troubling you, love? You seem so distant tonight. Are you still having nightmares?" asked Draco.

"No… it's not that. The pensieve Dumbledore gave me has actually helped me quite a bit… its just… I don't know how to explain it," said Harry sounding rather frustrated.

"Can you try?" he asked cautiously.

Harry looked away from Draco and rolled onto his back, removing Draco's hands from his face. He stared up at the ornate ceiling and blinked back the tears. His chin began to tremble in frustration and this throat began to throb with thickness.

"Harry, honey what is it?" Draco propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at his boyfriend uncertainly.

Harry shook his head from side to side to express that he did not want to talk about it. _How do you tell your boyfriend that you feel like you are going crazy? That your "normal" dreams were just as twisted and perverse as your nightmares. That the guilt over causing so many deaths ate away at you day and night. That you wish you could slice your own flesh in order to transfer the emotional pain into something more real._

He felt Draco gather him in his arms. The tender affection caused his emotional dam to break and Harry began to weep quietly. He felt himself being rocked from side to side as Draco placed kisses on his forehead.

"It'll be alright, love. Tell me what is wrong," said the blond comfortingly.

"I'm just so sick of everything!"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm just so sick of… being me…." Harry knew that he was depressed, but how do you put a voice to something as complex as the inner workings of your subconscious emotions?

"I think I understand," said Draco. He bent his head down and kissed a few tears away. Harry sighed again deeply.

"I don't even understand what you see in me sometimes," he said forlornly.

"What?"

"I said…"

"I know what you said, but how can you say that!"

"Because…because… just look at me. I am so pathetic. I feel like I'm crying all the time now. You say you love me, but I don't know sometimes…"

Draco looked down at him sadly. "I do love you. With all my heart! I think in some way I always have. It just took me a while to figure it out. All those years we fought it was just another way to be near each other. I didn't understand what I wanted so I was cruel to you instead. I am sorry for that. If I knew then what a wonderful person you were, I wouldn't have wasted those five years. You are the most kind, thoughtful, and considerate person I know. You would walk through fire if it meant you could save someone you love and for that I admire you."

Harry smiled at the nice things Draco said about him. _Was any of that really true?_

"I love the way you make me feel when I am around you. Like I can be a better person or something."

"You are better person now you _arrogant twit_," said Harry trying to make light of the situation.

"Only because of you!" said Draco in his defense. "I was perfectly happy being a snobby Slytherin and you had to come along and turn my whole world around!"

Harry chuckled at the sarcastic remark. Draco always had a way of making him feel better about a situation.

"Hey, I know how I can make you feel better," said Draco excitedly.

"What?" asked Harry warily.

"A massage! These fingers are known to work wonders." Said the blond while flexing his fingers. The look on his face clearly stated that he was proud of his abilities.

Harry looked away as he thought about the possibility. It was appealing, but Harry was still very self conscious about the scars that had been inflicted upon his flesh by his uncle.

"I don't know Draco…. I don't want you to see me… you might find me disgusting," he said, never making eye contact.

"Harry, I would never find you disgusting. You are the most beautiful creature on the face of the earth!"

"No, I am not."

"You are to me!"

"Really?" asked Harry looking up into Draco's eyes.

"Really. Besides I know you want to," the blond said raising his eyebrows up and down in a suggestive manner.

"Alright… but you know that I have scars…"

Draco put his finger up to Harry's lips to quiet him. "I know all about it darling, and you do not need to feel embarrassed around me. I love you, remember?"

Harry nodded, smiling at the way Draco had again made the situation a little easier for him.

"Now, let's remove that shirt, shall we?"

"Okay, but don't get any other ideas!"

Harry crossed his arms and grabbed the hem of his t-shirt. He then proceeded to lift the article of clothing off of his lithe seeker frame, over his head, and then removed it from his arms. He looked down toward the bed covers not really sure of what to do next. He felt Draco place a hand on his shoulder to nudge him to lie down. This would be the first time Draco had every laid eyes on his half naked body. Harry was extremely nervous of what the other boy would think of him. He was still extremely thin from his experience this summer and his ongoing lack of appetite over recent months.

He turned over on his stomach and lay down slowly, resting his head on his arms, and felt Draco's soft fingers begin to rub the flesh around his neck. The rhythmic kneading began to work out all the knots that had accumulated from too many late night study sessions. He found himself falling into a wondrous state of relaxation.

"You like that?"

"Yeah," said Harry breathing deeply.

"Oh yeah? How about this? Rarrrhhh," growled the blond as he grabbed Harry's butt cheeks playfully.

"Hey!" Harry said, laughing at the intrusion.

"Sorry! I couldn't help myself."

Draco then carefully straddled himself across Harry's bottom so that he could massage him properly. He felt Harry stiffen slightly at the additional weight across his body. "Is this okay, love?"

"Yeah," said Harry softly.

Draco's fingers did work wonders. Harry felt better than he had in a long time. His hands would slowly massage their way up his back and shoulders and neck. He would then use his fingers to lightly ghost their way down his back, barely touching the skin, before repeating the kneading process again. The combined sensations were wonderful.

"Mmmmhhhh…," moaned Harry quietly. Draco smiled down at his boyfriend knowing that the massage was helping the small boy to relax.

When Harry had relaxed completely, Draco began to lightly finger each scar along his back. He calmly kissed each area of blemished skin as if he could erase the emotional pain still tied to those experiences. The scars were actually rather faint and pale, but the knowledge that they were still there caused Harry tremendous anxiety. The only person he had ever willingly allowed to see him without his shirt on was Ron, and only because he was the one who had discovered Harry's condition while at the Burrow.

After massaging the smaller boy beneath him for a long while, Draco wasn't even sure if the boy was still awake. He had been quiet for quite a while. "Harry?"

He leaned forward and realized that he had relaxed the boy to sleep. He carefully got off of Harry and snuggled up next to him on the bed. "Goodnight, love," said Draco kissing his boyfriend on the forehead.

"Gahmigh," Harry mumbled in his sleep. "Fank yuh."

"You're welcome sleepyhead," said Draco as he embraced Harry in his arms.

The two boys slept next to one another for most of the night relishing the opportunity to be in each other's presence for more than just an hour or two.

A/N: Sorry this chapter was so short. I actually planned it to be much longer, but I liked where it ended. Many of my reviewers were sad at a lack of Draco in the last chapter and I agreed that he should make another appearance. I hope that you all liked this chapter. I know it wasn't much, but remember Harry and Draco are going slow with their intimacy for obvious reasons. There will be more scenes like this soon. The lovely, happy, fluffy chapter is still to come. Oh and for those of you who are not sure if they want to continue to read this or not, or may be sick of all the angst, STICK AROUND! You are going to absolutely love the ending, and I have been told by my new beta that I have taken quite an original approach towards it.

Thank you to all my reviewers and readers!


	6. Snape's Suffering

A/N: Sorry it took me so long to update, my muse was sleeping there for a while there while I got my life in order. Now she won't keep bugging me. Unfortunately, she kept inspiring me to write future chapters instead of this one. I actually took my beta's advice at wrote some chapters ahead that I was excited about so that I wouldn't forget everything I wanted to write. So this chappie was slightly delayed. I hope that it was worth the wait.

**Chapter 6- Snape's Suffering**

Harry slowly made his way over to the Gryffindor table at the far side of the Great Hall. It was still fairly early in the morning, but he could see that his closest friends were already seated and waiting for him.

He dropped his school bag unceremoniously on the floor and sat down beside Hermione and Ron and across from Ginny and Neville. He was in no mood for classes today and he dreaded going. He had spent another couple of restless nights of sleep due to the peculiar dreams he had been having. His brain felt like it was made of something on the order of mushy oatmeal. He couldn't imagine trying to sit through hours of mind numbing classes and processing the endless amount of information the professors desperately tried to cram down their throats. Even though the N.E.W.T.S. were not taken until their seventh year, the staff seemed more and more eager to expand what they were learning as sixth years in order to prepare them for the year ahead.

Besides everything that was weighing heavily on his mind, his entire body ached from the grueling practices they have had in order to prepare for the next Quidditch match against Slytherin. They had already defeated Hufflepuff in a match that could be considered an absolute massacre. The loyal softies didn't know what hit them until the game was already over. The final scored was 200-40 in favor of Gryffindor. It appeared that their team this year was prepared to do everything possible to win the Quidditch Cup even if it meant countless hours of practice. Professor McGonagall arranged as many practices on the pitch as the Gryffindor team saw fit knowing that their success would help ensure that her house won the cup at the end of the year. Fortunately, Harry had not lost his edge after the entire year off during the rein of Professor Umbridge as the headmistress.

Grabbing a croissant and a glass of pumpkin juice, Harry proceeded to roll his shoulders and neck around to get out the kinks as he took small bites. He couldn't seem to work out the endless knots in his body not matter how hard he tried. He was going to have to ask Draco for another one of his infamous massages sometime again soon.

Thinking of his beloved, Harry looked across the Great Hall and caught the blond haired boy's eye. He smiled shyly and looked away. They always seemed to know when the other was going to look his way, and their relationship was becoming ever more present to the rest of the student body. Nothing had been confirmed of course, but everyone whispered about the possible relationship nonetheless. It was no secret that they were friends, and the threat of Lucius hanging over Draco no longer existed. The real reason why they promised to keep their love a secret was because it was just easier than having to deal with everyone else. Harry had enough problems with the media hounding him. The last thing either boy needed right now was a scandalous article making a mockery of their new found love. The only person that Draco had told about his relationship with Harry was Blaise Zabini, who was his roommate and long time friend. He felt that he could be trusted as he had stuck beside him when all the other Slytherins had seemed to have abandoned him.

"Alright there, Harry?" asked Neville as he dipped into his bowl of cornflakes with his spoon.

"Yeah, why?" he asked.

"You just seem out of sorts that all. Haven't you been sleeping?" asked the small round boy. He had always been a keen observer of other's emotions.

Ginny, Hermione, and Ron looked over at him questioningly. He had all led them to believe that he had been sleeping like a baby since Dumbledore had given him the pensieve. Sometimes it was easier to omit the truth so that they wouldn't worry about him so much. He looked away trying to decide what he was going to say.

"Harry? Haven't you been sleeping?" Hermione asked repeating Neville's question.

"I have a lot on mind lately. I can't seem to stay a sleep. That's all."

Ron and Hermione looked at one another as if waiting for the other to say something in response.

"Before you get any ideas… I'm fine. Okay?" said Harry. They didn't look convinced. "I am not having those nightmares if that is what you are thinking. I am just a chronic insomniac. Old habits die hard. Geez, give a guy a break!"

The others laughed at Harry's sarcastic way of trying to explain away the situation. He knew that they would let it go for now, but not for long.

The rest of breakfast past by in relative silence as each person quietly finished their meal. Before long, owls could be seen swooping down into the Great Hall to deliver their precious cargo. As usual, Hermione received the Daily Prophet from a large, brown Horned Owl. She quickly gave the impatient bird of prey a knut in the tiny sack that it carried on one of its talons. She had begun subscribing to the newspaper a few years back when it became apparent that the media was not going to leave Harry alone. Harry, himself, couldn't bear to read about all the awful things the reporters said about him. He relied on Hermione to digest the information and keep him abreast of everything that was going on in the wizarding world.

Ron was currently diving into a second helping of eggs, while Ginny and Neville were deeply involved in a private conversation. Harry glanced around the Great Hall as he continued to nibble on his croissant and noticed that their potions master was missing from the staff table.

"He's missing again…" said Harry softly to himself.

"Wawastatmate?" asked Ron sputtering eggs from his full mouth. Harry looked at his friend curiously. Ron swallowed loudly, and tried again. "I said, what was that, mate?"

"Huh?" Harry was confused at what he meant, but then realized that he must have said aloud what he had been thinking. "Oh… I said he's missing again… Snape, I mean… from the staff table. Draco has been worried about him and he has been skipping a lot of meals here in the Great Hall."

"I hadn't really noticed, but I guess your right. What do you think it means?"

"I am not really sure," said Harry. He was about to say something else when he heard Hermione gasp loudly and cover her mouth with one of her hands as she continued to read from the wizarding newspaper.

"Oh my goodness…" said Hermione in a hushed voice.

"What is it?" asked Ron, looking at his girlfriend with concern. She looked at him wide eyed, and then over at Harry.

"I am not sure… you know…if I should say anything…" she tried to explain.

"Hermione, it's alright. I will find out what ever they have written eventually. Just tell me what you read that has gotten you so upset."

"Well, there are two articles really…"

"Hermione, just tell us what's wrong," tried Ron.

"Maybe it would be better if I just read them to you instead," said the bushy haired girl. She began to read aloud from one of the articles in a soft voice so only their small group would here.

_Youngest Person in History Sent to Azkaban!_

_As many of you know, the students of Hogwarts School of Magic and Wizardry were attacked on Halloween night by the Dark Lord and his loyal followers, the Death Eaters. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named unleashed the dementors to serve as a distraction, while someone on the inside weakened the wards that were extended to surround the village of Hogsmeade that night. Thankfully, there were no causalities during the battle, though several people had been injured. This newspaper has it on good authority that Harry Potter, a.k.a. the Boy-Who-Lived, had another attempt made on his life that fateful night. Many witnesses reported seeing the Dark Lord cast a spell on Potter that was the same ominous green color associated with the killing curse. It remains to be seen how he was able to survive yet again. _

_Fortunately, many of the Death Eaters were detained and taken directly to Azkaban, without trial, for their crimes. After careful investigation it was revealed that Pansy Parkinson, a student at Hogwarts and the daughter of Rutherford Parkinson who is employed at the Ministry of Magic, was the one who had weakened the wards on Halloween night. Miss Parkinson was given a trial on November 16 in which she was administered Veritaserum. She admitted to her guilt and has since been sent to Azkaban for her betrayal. At the tender age of 16, she is the youngest person ever to be sent to Azkaban! Her father could not be contacted for a comment…_

"Isn't that awful?" asked Hermione when she was finished reading. "I can't believe they are sending her to Azkaban."

"Why, because she's a minor?" asked Ginny.

"Well, no because of how they treat the prisoners now."

"What do you mean?" asked Harry.

"Didn't you hear?" Neville piped in. "Now that the dementors have left Azkaban to follow He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named the prison guards have to be extra cautious about the possibility of an escape or an attack. The prisoners are put in full body binds for most of the day. They only release them from the spells temporarily to eat meals and use the restroom. "

"What is wrong with that? It's no worse than when the dementors were there. She deserves to go to Azkaban! She is the reason that Harry and Draco almost died!"

"Ronald, settle down. We're not saying that she doesn't deserve to be there. It's just sad that she threw her whole life away. Besides, that was only the first article. The second one is much worse…." Hermione's voice trailed off.

"Well, go on then," said Harry. Hermione began to read aloud once again.

_The Dark Side is Nearing_

_Since the attack at the Ministry of Magic last spring, it has become increasingly more apparent that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named has returned to power. The Ministry's aurors have been working around the clock to ensure the safety of the wizarding world. They have also been working in close connection with Albus Dumbledore, headmaster of the Hogwarts School of Magic and Wizardry who leads a band of allies against the Dark Lord that he has named the Order of the Phoenix._

_Until recently, everything seemed relatively quiet, but since the attack on Hogwarts in October, the Ministry has been following several situations around the world. It would appear that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named has devised a plan of attack that involves total annihilation of the world as we know it. He and his followers have been regularly attacking smaller communities of wizards around the world. Several battles have already taken place. It is believed that once he is control of most of the surrounding communities, he will then focus his attack on Great Britain, which is commonly known to house the largest community of wizards in the world. There are reports of numerous casualties and entire villages have been destroyed. There have also been rumors that Death Eaters have begun to attack and torture leaders in muggle communities so that they will not meet resistance in the muggle world as well. The reporters at this newspaper fear that many will join his ranks when they feel they have lost all hope. We fear that the dark side is seeking total world domination. Life, as we know it, is about to change dramatically... _

Everyone sat in silence as Hermione finished the article. No one knew what to say in response to the article.

"Oh my," said Ginny finally.

"Oh my, is right," said Hermione gravely.

"Oh come on," said Ron. "You know how everything gets exaggerated in the newspapers. This situation can't be that bad. We would have heard about all of this before now, wouldn't we?"

"Didn't you hear what the reporter said? This has all been happening since Halloween night. That was just over a month ago. Things are getting more and more serious," said Hermione.

"We are really at war now, aren't we?" asked Ginny.

"I am afraid so," said Hermione.

Everyone's faces were quite pale as they each processed this information, but none were as pale as that of Harry's. He placed his elbows on the table and rested his forehead in the palms of his hands. He focused his attention intently on the table before him.

"Harry, I know how this kind of stuff bothers you. Are you alright?"

He ignored the question and continued to stare at the grain of the wood of the table in front of him. That familiar sense of guilt was setting in on him once again. His chest felt tight, and his stomach was twisting in knots. So many people had died already, and this was only the beginning of the war! Somehow, all this felt like his fault. It had been his blood that resurrected Voldemort after all. He was the reason that this monster of a man was now destroying the wizarding world, one community at a time.

At one time, he had felt almost useful to the Order because the visions, although painful, had given Dumbledore important information about Voldemort's plans. He had even helped to save Mr. Weasley's life. The visions had been a curse and a gift. Regrettably, the connection between him and the Dark Lord had been severed when he entered Limbo on Halloween night, and somehow the connection couldn't be re-established once his soul had returned to his body. Oddly enough, that felt like his fault too. A small part of him wished that his scar would begin tingling so that he could see what Voldemort was planning next, but he knew that it was too dangerous anyway. The Dark Lord had already begun to try and possess him. His visions had been the very reason that he had begun taken occlumency with Professor Snape in the first place. No, it was better that the connection had been destroyed, but he felt helpless nonetheless.

Hermione reached over and wrapped her arms around Harry comfortingly. "Tell us what is wrong, Harry?"

"Nothing, I am fine," he said, knowing full well that they could see through his lie. "Listen, I am going to step out a bit before classes. I will see you in potions." He stood up from the table so that he could get out of there.

"Are you sure? We could come with you," offered Ginny. Harry gave her a small smile.

"No, that's alright. I need to be alone right now so that I can think about things."

"Alright," said Hermione. "We will see you in class. If you want to talk about things later, we are always here for you, Harry."

Harry nodded appreciatively. He grabbed his school bag and walked away as quickly as possible. He knew full well that they were concerned about him, but he couldn't explain to them the guilt that he was feeling right now over the casualties in those battles. They always tried to reason with him that he was being silly about feeling guilty. They meant well, but they couldn't possibly understand.

He hurried out of the Great Hall, and went straight outside and plunked down on the large stone steps. He wrapped his arms around his knees and sat their thoughtfully. He was without an outer cloak, but he didn't mind the crisp, cold air. In fact, he was hoping that going outdoors would help clear his mind as it sometimes did. His body became numb while he watched as his breath crystallized in the air before him. Each exhalation forming a miniature cloud that soon dissipated. He concentrated on pushing his troubles out of his mind and into his breath, hoping that they would disappear in thin air too. Unfortunately, the guilt was all too consuming and he could feel the darkness he now associated with his depression begin to creep into his heart.

He sat there only a short while, when he felt someone sit down beside him. He didn't even need to turn his head to know that it was Draco. He had known deep down that the blond would have seen him leave and followed him out here.

"Hi," Harry said never turning his attention away from his cloudy breaths.

"Hi," said Draco. "I take it you read the news today."

"Yup." Harry was continually amazed by Draco's insightfulness.

"Wanna talk about it?" asked Draco.

"Nope."

"Want me to leave?"

"No," said Harry sighing deeply. "Thank you for coming out here with me." He turned his head and looked into his boyfriend's eyes.

"No problem. I would love to stay and freeze here all day, but we have class to get to," said Draco chuckling to himself.

The last thing that Harry felt like doing was going to classes, but he really had no other choice and it was getting to be close to the time that class started. "Oh, alright."

Harry stood up, gathered up his things, and followed Draco into the castle. The normally drafty hallways felt quite warm after being out in the bitter cold. His hands and face turned pink and began to tingle as he walked beside Draco to class.

They reached the dungeons a short while later and entered the potions classroom. They joined Hermione and Ron on one of the benches and began setting up their workspace in order to be prepared for the morning's lesson. The classroom was alive with the buzz of conversation as the students chatted idly with one another.

"Your cheeks are a bit rosy. Alright there, Harry?" asked Ron nonchalantly. He knew better than to press his best friend for too much information, but he felt it important to express that he cared about him.

"Yeah, I just needed some fresh air. That's all." Harry set up his cauldron and sat back hoping that the double potions lesson would pass by quickly. His head still felt like mushy oatmeal.

"You know what guys?" asked Hermione. "Professor Snape is late. He has never been late."

Draco quickly glanced at his watch. Sure enough, the professor was more than five minutes late to begin class. "You're right. I wonder if something is wrong. This is very unlike him. Maybe we should…"

Draco's voice trailed off as his godfather entered the room. He was relieved to see him and that he had entered with his robes billowing behind him as usual. Professor Snape made a display of walking down a few of the aisles between the lab tables examining how the students had prepared their potion's table for their assignment. Seeing that he would not be able to take any points away he glided to the front of the classroom and introduced his lesson.

Harry noticed that the professor seemed to be the same as usual, but something was off about him. He couldn't quite place his finger on it, but something was wrong. It seemed as if he was trying to make a good show of acting normal or something.

Snape sneered down at his students and began his lesson in his normal arrogant voice. "I trust that you all have read chapters 13-20 in your Advanced Introduction to Potions text? We will be preparing a healing serum that will cure most common colds. Please turn to page 479 for the ingredients that you will need as I write the instructions on the board."

Hermione had already anticipated which of the potions he was going to have them create today and was busily scratching down notes on her parchment.

"I knew he was going to pick the most complicated potion," Ron muttered under his breath to Harry as he turned the pages of his textbook.

Harry was watching Snape instead, trying to determine what it was that was bothering him about the potion's master. Upon closer examination, Snape's normally sallow skin appeared to be quite pale and small beads of sweat could be seen on his forehead.

"What is it?" asked Draco seeing the look on Harry's face.

"I'm not sure," he replied. His eyes were watching Snape carefully.

He was surprised when Snape used a piece of chalk to write on the blackboard in front of the classroom. This simple action was highly unusual as most professors used their wand to transfer their notes in their lesson plan book to the blackboard. Using chalk was unheard of. Suddenly the professor stopped writing in mid sentence and grasped his left arm tightly in his right hand. He seemed to double over slightly in pain. After a moment or so, he righted himself and resumed writing.

Harry glanced at Draco who looked back at him quizzically. It was clear that he had seen what had happened as well. The rest of the class was busy setting out the necessary ingredients from their potion supply kit. Harry was about to do the same when it happened again. Only this time, it appeared as if Snape couldn't ward off the pain as easily. The professor pursed his lips together tightly in attempt to conceal the anguished cry that had issued in his throat. He shook his head from side and looked at the class thoughtfully.

"Professor?" Hermione called out as she raised her hand. She had a puzzled look on her face as she watched Snape sit down behind his desk.

"Class is canceled for today… everybody out!" demanded the Professor. The students sat there in shock. They have had classes canceled in the past, but never by Professor Snape. Most were too scared to even move. "Now!" he shouted angrily.

The classroom was suddenly filled with chaotic noise as the students scrambled to gather their things as quickly as possible in case he had changed his mind. The four friends gathered their things as well, but hung behind to see if they could determine what was wrong with their Professor.

Draco looked over at them and said, "Maybe you guys should go. I am going to wait and see what is wrong."

"I am staying too," said Harry quickly. He glanced at Hermione and Ron who looked like they were about to protest.

"Let us know if we can help. See you later," said Hermione as she grabbed Ron's wrist and pulled him out the door.

Draco and Harry approached Snape's desk cautiously. His eyes were closed tightly and he was gripping his left arm fiercely.

"I thought I told you to leave," said Snape as he opened his pain filled eyes.

"I want to know what's wrong. You have been acting so strangely these last few weeks. Are you ill? Are you hurt? Why did you cancel class?" asked Draco coming around to his godfather on the other side of his desk.

"It's none of you business. You should be happy I canceled classes. Just leave!"

Draco looked a bit hurt by his godfather's harsh words. He looked as if he was going to follow Snape's directions when Harry spoke up.

"It's Voldemort isn't it?" asked Harry bluntly.

"What?" Snape asked harshly.

"It's Voldemort. He is somehow torturing through your dark mark, isn't he?"

"How did you know?" Snape asked curiously.

"Well, I always felt pain in my scar when Voldemort was torturing someone or when he was feeling particularly malicious. I figured that he might be able to inflict pain on you through the tattoo he gave you."

"It's none of your concern," said Snape looking away. "Unless, of course you are having visions again. Are you?"

"No," said Harry. "Just a lucky guess."

"Why didn't you tell me? What is happening anyway? I don't understand," complained Draco. He looked irritated that Harry and Snape had come to some unspoken understanding without him knowing.

"Listen; don't worry about it, Draco. The Dark Lord is not happy with the fact that I am spy. He is just expressing his displeasure towards me. The dark mark was designed to summon the Death Eaters when ever he pleased. It's actually quite painful; even more so when you do not answer his call. He can even concentrate on individuals and can inflict greater amounts of pain at his own discretion. I am trying to limit my use of magic. I discovered that the Dark Lord's power to inflict pain upon me increases when he senses my magical signature."

"That's torture!" exclaimed Draco. "Are you alright?"

"Actually, he shattered the bones in my left arm," the professor admitted. "I haven't felt well in a long time."

"You need to see Madame Pomfrey, Severus…"

"Draco, I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Besides, where do you think Poppy gets all of her potions in her infirmary? Hmm?"

"Does the headmaster know that this has been happening?" asked Harry.

"Yes. We are trying to find a way to remove the tattoo or place some magical shield around it. We have been unsuccessful so far."

Harry nodded in understanding. That must be the reason why he had been missing so many meals and acting so strangely. Harry couldn't even remember when he took away any points. He must really be suffering if he couldn't even find the heart to take away any points, the one thing that brought him the utmost pleasure.

"Listen, you both look if you could use some rest. Leave me be. There is nothing you can do anyway. Go now, before I take away points for disregarding a direct order."

"I want to stay with you and make sure you are okay," whined Draco.

"Do not argue with me. I will be fine. Now go," said the professor.

"Fine, but please let me know if there is anything I can do for you. Okay?" asked Draco.

Snape nodded but it didn't look as if he would really ask for help even if he did need it. Draco gave his godfather an awkward one armed hug, and then nodded at Harry that they should leave.

They left the dungeons and began walking aimlessly through the corridors. So much had already happened today, it was hard to believe that it was still morning. Harry pitied the professor for what he must be going through. He knew first hand what it felt like to have an unwanted connection to Voldemort

They had several hours until their classes this afternoon, and Harry now had a full blown headache. He hadn't slept more than a few hours last night so he decided to go back his dormitory to rest since potions had been canceled. He gave the painting that guarded the portal to the Gryffindor common room the password and stepped inside. The common room was virtually deserted except for the young couple snogging on the couch by the fireplace.

Harry was about to sneak off to his room and leave them alone when he realized that the couple was none other than Ron and Hermione. Things seemed to be really heating up. Hermione's hair looked quite tousled from Ron's hand stroking her bushy locks as their tongues battled fiercely. It was both amusing and disgusting to watch his two best friends make out like that.

Harry watched them for a few more seconds until he finally made his appearance known. "Ahem," he said as he cleared his throat.

"Oh my!" Hermione squeaked.

"Sorry 'bout that mate. Didn't see you there," said Ron with a foolish grin on his face.

Both of their lips were red and swollen from kissing, and they looked altogether awkward about the situation. Harry laughed at their embarrassment.

"No problem. I thought you might want to know what was going on with Snape."

"Yeah, we do. I am actually worried about him. It's not like him to cancel class like that. What's wrong?" asked Hermione, sitting up so that she could listen properly.

"Well, I won't go into all the details, but Voldemort is torturing him through his dark mark for being a traitor," said Harry.

"Oh gods, really? How bad is it?" asked Ron.

"Pretty bad. Voldemort was somehow able to break his arm while we were in class today. That is why he canceled potions."

"Dumbledore knows?" asked Hermione.

"Yeah, they are trying to find a solution…" Harry's headache was really starting to pound now. He rubbed his temples in a circular motion hoping to lessen the pain. "Listen, I am going to go nap. "Wake me up before we have to go to transfiguration, alright?"

"Sure. Go get some rest, Harry," said Ron.

Harry nodded and made his way up to the sixth year dormitory. He lay down on top of his four poster bed fully clothed and closed his eyes. For a long while he laid awake, thinking about everything that had happened today. How much more drama was he expected to take? The pain in his head increased with each passing thought. He tried to take cleansing breaths and rubbed his temples. He even tried to will away his god awful headache, but nothing seemed to work. He even thought about getting a potion from Madame Pomfrey, but he rather not see the look on her face when he asked for another potion. Finally, when he didn't think he could stand the pain any longer, he drifted off to sleep.

_He found himself sitting on the shore of lake that lied adjacent to Hogwarts. Beside him was a small boy with dark brown hair, so dark that it could almost pass for being black. The boy's hazel eyes seem lost in sadness as he glanced up into his face. The boy looked away and began searching the ground in determination. He watched as he plucked a thick blade of grass from the ground and absentmindedly twirled the blade between his fingers. _

"_Are you going to say anything to me? You were the one who dragged me out here to talk in the first place," Harry could hear himself say. _

_The younger boy sighed deeply and threw the blade grass down onto the ground.. "I miss you. I wish you just would come home and end of this fighting."_

"_You know I can't do that."_

"_Why! I never see you anymore and this whole situation is just so stupid," said the boy angrily._

"_I left for a reason, little brother. I hate them, you know that. Mom and Dad are constantly on my case about everything that happens. And they have never let me forget the fact that the sorting hat put me in Gryffindor. I am always being compared to you and everything that you do. You are their golden child because you made it into Slytherin. Besides, I can't stand all the shit they say about my friends. I refuse to become like them!" Again he was amazed by the seemingly natural conversation he was having with this complete and total stranger._

"_What do you mean?"_

"_You know what I mean. They support the Dark Lord!" said Harry exasperatedly._

"_So what? There are worse things in the world than supporting some guy!"_

"_You really don't get it do you. Haven't you heard what everyone has been saying about him?" said Harry._

"_I don't care what they say. I trust Mom and Dad and you should too!"_

"_Well I don't and I am never coming home so stop asking me."_

"_What about me? Don't you care about being my big brother anymore?" asked the boy. His eyes were shining as if he were about to cry._

"_Of course I care, this isn't about us."_

"_But it is about us! You didn't just walk out on Mom and Dad. You walked out on me. I hate you!"_

"_What?"_

"_I said I hate you! Don't ever talk to me again…." And with that the dark haired boy stomped back towards the castle. _

_Harry was filled with a feeling of such dread as he watched the boy disappear within the confines of the castle's walls. A sense of foreboding consumed him as if he were privy to some knowledge unbeknownst to his conscious mind that this boy would befall some terrible fate._

Harry woke with a start. He soon realized that he had been sleeping in his dorm room and calmed down slightly. Why was he reliving these memories? Something was definitely not right. His head was still pounding from his headache from earlier. His brain was fuzzy with confusion over this latest dream. The more he thought about it the more upset he became. His chest felt like it was tightening with panic. Was he going crazy? Why were his dreams getting stranger and stranger? Was he reliving someone else's memories?

From the alarm clock beside his bed, Harry knew he still had some time before his next class. Not wanting to sleep any longer, he crept over to the window and sat down on the stony still. He focused his attention toward the lake and was reminded of his most recent dream. He tried to process what was happening, but the answer to his dilemma seemed to continually elude him. Will there ever be an end to this madness?

A/N: I will not be focusing on Snape very much in this fic, but it didn't feel right to just leave him out of the story completely. I wanted to explore the repercussions of his actions on Halloween night in which he reveals that he is a spy. If I write a 7th year fic then I feel that he will have an important role. So I am trying to stay consistent with his character now. Even if I don't write another continuation, I think that the scene was an interesting sub plot to this story. (I personally feel that sub plots can add a lot of depth to the story as long as they don't take away from it. I will also explore the romance and friendships between the six friends and Remus will soon have a more important role). The main plot is slowly being revealed and it will be quite interesting. I hope I don't sound like I am rambling.

A/N 2: Many thanks to all my reviewers and readers! And a special thanks to Drae my beta reader.


	7. A Slytherin Solution

A/N: Yea… I updated early! I am trying my best to keep the sequel of Bring Me to Life to be as compelling and dramatic, seeing that so many of my reviewers liked the prequel. However, I feel that I am losing my audience in my attempt to be mysterious about these new dreams Harry has been having. My reviewers do not seem as happy with this fic. There is a reason why they are vague and confusing right now. I hope this chapter clears up some of the confusion for Harry as well as for my readers.

**Chapter 7- A Slytherin Solution**

Harry toweled himself off after having finished a hot shower. He then proceeded to walk into his abandoned dorm room and get dressed in some muggle jeans and a t-shirt. He sat down on his bed thoughtfully wondering what he should do. He really hadn't had a moment's peace for a long while, and he contemplated taking a quick nap before he was due to meet his friends in the library for another late night study session.

The last couple of weeks had passed in an absolute blur. Harry's energy level was still running somewhat low due to the many sleepless nights and a general lack of appetite, but he found himself in rather good spirits when he was around Draco and his friends. They were always finding a way to cheer him up. Just last night he found himself in the middle of a snow ball fight after Quidditch practice. Harry and Ron had been walking in from the pitch when they were suddenly ambushed by Draco, Hermione, Ginny, and Neville. It was one of the first snow falls of the year and everyone was in a childish mood. Ron and Harry teamed up against their attackers and somehow managed to overcome them. They were begging for mercy before it was all over. It felt good to Harry to play like a kid since he never had many opportunities while he was growing up.

He was beginning to feel like he had some sort of split personality. He was more like his old self around those who cared about him, but when he was alone a strange darkness consumed his heart and plagued his mind. He couldn't even put a name to what he was feeling anymore. At first he just thought it was depression, but now it seemed to be so much more. He knew deep down that the darkness had something to do with his strange dreams. They were puzzling to say the least, and they always left him feeling disoriented. Harry had tried to use his pensieve to rid his mind of anything that might be triggering these dreams, but they came almost every night just the same. Most of the time, the images in his dreams were fragmented, but recently they had begun to get clearer and clearer. For now he was keeping them private. His friends had just started to believe that he was his old self again, and he didn't want to give them any other cause to be alarmed. He felt like he had already asked too much from them, and he was determined to figure this out on his own.

As usual this year, Harry began delving again into his studies, mainly as a way to keep his mind off everything that was troubling him, but also because he had developed a passion for Defense Against the Dark Arts. Some would say it was because of his numerous encounters with Voldemort and the fact that the wizarding world was at war. But truthfully Harry enjoyed knowing that he was becoming more and more equipped at handling himself in any situation. It also helped that your dad's best friend happened to be quite a good teacher. Professor Lupin's general enthusiasm for the subject rubbed off on most of his students.

He rubbed at his tired eyes thoughtfully. He was still feeling somewhat fatigued. Harry sighed deeply and decided that a nap may do him some good. He lay down on his bed fully clothed, as he had been doing a lot recently, and shut his eyes. Sleep came almost instantly as it often does when a body is overworked and overtired.

_In his dream, Harry found himself sitting in the empty top most row of seats in the stands of the Quidditch pitch. It was apparent that he was sitting there during a torrential downpour. The wind whipped around the stands roaring in an almost demonic tone. It was difficult to see through the rain and the darkness, but it appeared that a game was going on. The stands were filled with students and staff alike despite the unfavorable weather. Everyone's clothes were soaking wet even though many had umbrellas._

_Suddenly, it dawned on Harry that the two teams playing were from Gryffindor and Hufflepuff as they were wearing their house colors. One player in particular was circling the stands high into the air apparently looking for the Snitch. The boy had black hair and glasses and was flying on a Nimbus Two Thousand. Then the realization set in that he was actually watching himself play Quidditch, which was a surreal experience in itself as he had never been an outsider in his own dreams before. He felt so detached from what was going on._

_He watched himself as he swerved in the powerful wind desperately holding onto his broom. The opponents on each team were having difficulty trying to navigate in the blackened sky. No one seemed to even notice the bludgers that were sailing about the stands heedless of the rain, not even the beaters whose job it was to protect their own teammates. Things were getting even more serious as the sky filled with lightening and the rumblings of thunder. During one particular flash of lightening, Harry could see himself glance in this direction. The look on his own face was a mixture of surprise and of horror._

_Before he could contemplate this strange situation further, an eerie silence fell over the stands as though someone turned off the sound. A horrible wave of cold overcame him and he felt hollow and sad inside. It was as though he was filled with inexplicable grief. He knew this familiar feeling and glanced around quickly._

_Dementors! At least a hundred Dementors had suddenly entered the pitch, and all of them were looking up at the Harry flying on the broom. Their unnatural bodies were hooded in dark black cloaks, effectively disguising the horrors that lay beneath._

"_No, don't hurt him. You have come for me," Harry thought to himself wildly._

_Then he watched in horror as the Harry on the broom began to waver and finally fell from fifty feet above onto the damp ground below. He leapt up from the stands and began to race down towards the field at an alarming speed knowing that he had to check on the small boy below. _

_It was then that he saw Albus Dumbledore come onto the field. His presence was almost as frightening as the Dementors themselves. In his fury over the situation he was able to slow the other Harry down in his descent and then cast away the Dementors with several powerful Patronus charms. Many of the students and staff had joined Dumbledore on the field and were checking on the other Harry's condition._

_Realizing that there was nothing more he could do, he ran off in the opposite direction hoping to escape without detection. During his flee Harry glanced down at the wet earth in order to see where he was going in the gloomy darkness. It was then that he fully began to comprehend that he was not running on two legs, he was running on all fours. Furthermore, his feet were not clad with the shoes he normally wore. Instead, large black paws reached out in front of him as he raced to get away._

He awoke with a sudden jolt. His heart was pounding and his breathing was somewhat labored like he was actually running away from something like in his dream. He jumped up and quickly glanced down at his hands and feet remembering the large black paws that he had had just moments ago.

It was as if a light bulb went off in his brain as the sudden reality of what was happening hit him_. Quidditch… rain… Dementors… falling off a broom… third year… black paws… Padfoot… Sirius_… _Oh gods… Sirius!_ Harry finally put all the pieces of the puzzle together and realized that dream had been an actual memory, but one that wasn't his own. He had watched himself playing Quidditch. It was as if he had been reliving that event through Sirius's eyes, who had come to see him play in his animagus form. Why? Why was this happening? Why was he dreaming about his dead godfather?

Harry was overcome by the brevity of the situation and fell back onto his bed with dizziness. His head felt like it was spinning as he thought about the dream over and over again. Did his other dreams have anything to do with this one? Were those other dreams memories of Sirius too? _I must be crazy!_

The more he thought about his godfather, the more he ached to see him again. He felt robbed of the only parental figure he had every truly known. He wished he were here now so that Harry could talk to him about this, but he knew that his passing was the result of his own mistakes, mistakes that proved to be fatal. Harry quickly stifled a sob that had begun to form in the back of his throat. He was feeling such emotional pain that he felt the need to release it somehow. Harry thought back to how he had dealt with things before, and he remembered those bittersweet seconds in which he was able to forget his emotions and feel something real as he sliced his skin open. He had thought about cutting several times since then, but he had upheld his promise to Draco.

He was just about to find something to release the insanity he was feeling when he heard the dormitory open up. He quickly regained his composure as Ron walked in the room.

"Hey mate, I thought we could walk down to the library together. The rest of the gang is already there."

"Oh, okay," Harry said softly. He was feeling a little unsteady and it was getting more and more difficult to keep up the façade that he was okay to his friends. He took a deep breath and pushed his thoughts about Sirius and cutting out of his mind. He was still feeling a little apprehensive and he hoped that it wasn't showing. The last thing he needed was Ron worrying about him again.

"Are you alright?" asked Ron curiously as he came towards his best friend.

"Yeah, just a bit tired," he replied slowly.

"Well, maybe you should get some rest. In fact, maybe I need some rest too," said Ron as he tried to pull off an obviously fake yawn. "If you're not going, I'm not going."

"Nice try, Ron. You just don't want to go," said Harry smiling as he gathered up the things he needed to go study. He knew that if he stayed behind Ron would stay by his side to get out of studying. He needed to get some work done for Potions anyway so he decided that it was better to go and do what he needed to get done. Snape had begun to assign more and more homework seemingly to make up for having had to cancel classes.

"No, I don't. I am so sick of studying," Ron whined.

"So don't go," said Harry as he walked past Ron and down the stairs.

Ron groaned in annoyance behind him and followed him out of the common room.

"I thought you weren't coming," said Harry in amusement.

"I have to," Ron replied with some resignation. "I promised 'Mione."

"Do you do everything she tells you?" Harry asked jokingly. His good natured self was thankfully slipping back into place.

"Shut up, Harry," warned Ron. "I can't wait for the holidays when I get to sleep in and do nothing all day long."

"That does sound pretty good, but I can't imagine your mum allowing that," said Harry thoughtfully.

"No she doesn't, but a guy can dream."

They found the others already hard at work in the library set out at the various tables that were clustered together. Harry slid into a chair beside Draco. He was close enough to the blond that he could lean against him nonchalantly and breathe in his scent. He inhaled deeply and smiled. He loved being close to him. The warmth his body gave off was always reassuring.

"Hey," said Draco as he smiled at Harry.

"Hey yourself," said Harry looking away. He felt guilty for even thinking about harming himself again and he couldn't bring himself to look his boyfriend in the eye. Draco eyed him thoughtfully and Harry was sure that he knew something was amiss. He tried to hide to the fact that he was uncomfortable by setting out his things.

Draco looked about the library and saw that there were not many other people here this time of night and risked making contact with him. He reached out and placed a comforting hand on his arm. "What's wrong? I know something is bothering you."

"Not now Draco, please," Harry knew better than to argue with him as Draco was pretty good at reading his emotions. He just hoped to save this conversation for a later time and with less people around.

"Alright, but I am not going to let you hide your feelings from me," said Draco. "I'll be right back. I need to get a few books for some research I am doing." The blond quickly stood up and whispered "_I love you"_ in his ear as his lips brushed lightly across his cheek. The movement was so expertly carried out that you would have only noticed the public display of affection if you were sitting directly across from them. Harry was somewhat shocked at Draco's behavior and he smiled at his boyfriend's daring nature.

Harry realized that he too needed some books to complete his Potions homework. He went to the stacks of book shelves that contained potion research and information. After quite a few minutes of searching, he found a few that looked promising. He carried the heavy books back to his seat and began looking for what he needed. Draco was still looking for his own books so Harry was able to use most of the table to open up the largest and oldest of the books he found. It was an old text on potions used in the process of healing. He flipped through the pages half-heartedly until he came upon something rather interesting.

"Dreamless Sleep Potion…." Harry said aloud. He quickly glanced about and realized that no one had heard them. Ginny and Neville had disappeared somewhere, Hermione was questioning Madame Pince about a rare book she was searching for, and Ron was fast asleep with his head laying on one of his textbooks. Drool was dripping onto the parchment he had been writing on just moments before.

Harry eyed the potion thoughtfully. Dumbledore and Madame Pomfrey had refused to allow him to take any more sleeping draughts because they feared he may become addicted. They also believed that he was no longer having nightmares since he received the pensieve so there was no reason to believe that he should still need one. Harry contemplated the idea of making one himself. He skimmed the directions and found that it wasn't too difficult. The idea of making the potion was starting to sound better and better. Maybe he could finally rid himself of those awful dreams and get a full night's rest for once. He was so tired of running on empty.

He began to quickly scribble the information he needed onto a parchment. It was only when he had finished that he realized that he would not be able to obtain one of the ingredients necessary. Dragon's blood is somewhat rare and can only be obtained by a licensed Potions master. There didn't seem like a way that he would be able to make it after all. He was just about to throw it away when Hermione grabbed the parchment away from him.

"Hey, what's this?" she asked curiously. Her eyes skimmed over its contents. Her mouth opened in shock as she realized what she was looking at. She was too smart for her own good. She had known what the potion was even though Harry had not written down its name.

"It's not what you think…" Harry tried to explain.

She looked at him incredulously. "Oh, I know it is exactly what I think. These are directions to make a Dreamless Sleep Potion. Why would you need to make this? You said you weren't having nightmares anymore. You lied to us."

"Lied to us about what?" asked Draco as he sat down next to Harry with his own pile of books.

"This!" said Hermione as she showed Draco the parchment.

He looked at it thoughtfully for a bit. "Am I supposed to understand what this is or something?" he asked.

Hermione scowled in frustration. "Draco these are the instructions on how to make a Dreamless Sleep Potion. Snape hasn't assigned us anything like this so why would Harry need to make one unless he has been lying to us about his nightmares."

"Is this true, Harry? Are you going to try a make a sleeping draught?" Draco looked at his boyfriend with surprise and frustration.

"I don't know. Maybe," said Harry sounding defeated.

"Why?" asked Draco and Hermione at the same time.

"I just can't sleep okay. I am worried about everything going on and I can't keep my mind from thinking about things. I am tired of being tired all the time."

"Have you tried asking for one from the school nurse?" asked Hermione.

"She won't let me. Neither will Dumbledore. They say I have to deal with my problems without relying on some potion to make me forget," Harry admitted.

"Well it is addictive," said Hermione matter-of-factly. "Are you sure that is all that is bothering you? You know you can talk to us any time you want."

"I know Hermione. I am fine. Besides, I can't make it anyway. One of the ingredients is restricted. I was going to throw it away."

"You're right," said Hermione as she perused the list once again. "Then you won't mind if I threw this out."

"Go right ahead," said Harry. He watched as the bushy haired girl crumpled up the parchment and threw it into a wastepaper basket. She then walked over to where Ron was sleeping and poked him in the side to wake him up.

"Huh? What?" the red haired boy asked as he wiped away his own drool. "I wasn't sleeping. I was just resting my eyes."

"Sure, right…." replied Hermione as she sat down beside him. She resumed studying quietly, but every now and then she would glance over in Harry's direction. Lines of worry were already becoming present in her forehead. It was only a matter of time before she began pestering him for answers once again.

Draco was looking quite hurt about something. Harry sighed and asked, "What's wrong?"

"I thought you would always come to me when something was bothering you. I feel like you are keeping secrets from me."

"I'm not, I swear!" said Harry knowing full well he was lying to his boyfriend. He wasn't ready to share what had been bothering him until he fully understood what was going on.

"Whatever," Draco muttered as he got back to studying. He knew that Harry was hiding something, and it bothered it him that he didn't trust him enough to tell him what was going on.

They continued to work in absolute silence. Although Draco and Hermione said nothing, the body language spoke volumes. It was clear by their postures and the way the kept looking over at him that they were both angry and worried about Harry. A short while later, Madame Pince ordered the rest of the students out so that she could lock up the library. They gathered up their things and tiredly began to walk out.

Harry lagged behind a bit. When he was sure that the others wouldn't hear him, he used a spell to retrieve the parchment that Hermione had thrown out. "_Accio potions list," _he whispered Harry caught the list easily and shoved the crumpled ball of parchment into his pocket without the others ever noticing. He had changed his mind after all.

Later that night Harry found himself beneath his invisibility cloak walking through the dungeons long after everyone had gone to bed. He was determined to get a full night's rest for once. He was thoroughly exhausted and he knew that he would fall asleep instantly if he tried, but he was afraid of what he would dream of when he was asleep.

He resigned himself to the only solution he could think of at the moment. Steal what he needed from Snape's private stash. It seemed like such an underhanded thing to do. Steal from a professor… It seemed like something a Slytherin would do, but then again the sorting hat had wanted to put him in that house. Sure, they had borrowed ingredients from Snape in the past. They once created a polyjuice potion in their second year when they were trying to figure out who was the heir to Slytherin. But the ingredients were never from his private collection.

He soon found himself in Snape's office, which is adjacent to the Potions' classroom. Fortunately, the door was unexpectedly left unlocked. He quickly scanned the room and noticed that the large wooden cabinet that housed the most toxic, rare, and precious potions ingredients was on the far wall. He was fairly confident that he could unlock the cabinet without being detected. He was forever thankful that his father's invisibility cloak was one of the few things that he was able to save from the Dursleys.

He crossed the room and browsed the contents behind the glass doors. He quickly skimmed each shelf examining the various bottles and vials. He soon found what he was looking for… dragon's blood. But he soon made a more interesting discovery. On the shelf below the dragon's blood was a bottle labeled: Dreamless Sleep Potion. Harry couldn't imagine his luck. He wouldn't have to waste time making the potion himself. He could just lift this one from Snape.

He stepped back and observed the cabinet fully. He couldn't detect any magical barriers or wards preventing him from unlocking the cabinet. He decided to start with the simplest spell first. He raised his wand and quietly said, "_Alohamora_."

Nothing appeared to happen at first, but suddenly an electric bolt shot out from the cabinet and stuck his wand hand, sending the electric blue light through the rest of his body. It was over before he even knew what happened, but he was still on the floor writhing in pain. The blow had caused the invisibility cloak to fly off of him, and was currently lying in a silvery heap on the floor. _What the hell was that?_

Before he could contemplate it further, he felt a pair of hands grab him roughly. His first instinct caused him to flinch and to shy away from his attacker expecting the hands to start beating him, but the hands set him upright and did not bring him any harm. He opened his eyes and realized that the hands belonged to none other than Professor Snape, and he looked pissed. "_Oh shit!"_ Harry thought to himself.

"What the hell do you think you're doing!" yelled Snape.

"I…I…um… I…" Harry stuttered as he backed away from the angry professor.

"I know you tried to break into the cabinet. The same wards that shocked you alerted me that you were breaking in. I was awoken from a sound sleep. Now tell me what you needed to steal from me at this ungodly hour!"

"I…I…" Harry tried to explain but he was still reeling from the electric shock he had received. His hand was still throbbing painfully. He grasped it firmly with his left hand trying to lessen the pain.

Snape scowled at him fiercely, and then opened up the cabinet using the palm of his right hand. "_It must only recognize his magical signature_," thought Harry. He grabbed one of the vials and handed it to him. "Here, drink it. It will heal your hand."

Harry eyed the vial suspiciously, but seeing the look on his professor's face he decided to drink it anyway. It took only mere seconds for the pain in his hand to diminish completely. "Better?" asked Snape without a trace of concern in his voice. Harry nodded dumbly. "Then answer my question!"

"I…I wanted…" Harry was about to answer him when his eyes involuntarily averted his gaze to the Dreamless Sleep Potion. It happened for only a second, but it was enough to give away the true nature of why he was here. Snape nodded in understanding, but looked no less angry with him.

"Potter, my patience is wearing thin. Now tell me why you wanted the Dreamless Sleep Potion. I thought Dumbledore gave you a pensive to rid you of your troubles."

"He did," said Harry. "But I am having dreams now that are making it difficult for me to sleep. They are strange and confusing, and then pensieve isn't helping me with them. Since they won't let me take a potion, I thought I could make one myself."

"Have you told anyone about these dreams?"

"No," said Harry honestly.

"Are you going to tell Draco?" Snape asked curiously. He knew how close the two boys were because Draco was his godson.

"I don't know," said Harry.

"Do you want to tell me about them?" Snape asked in a tired voice.

"No!" said Harry rather loudly.

"Well, I am disappointed and shocked to find you stealing from me. I didn't think you had the nerve in you to do such a thing. Although I suspect that this might not be the first time you have helped yourself to one of my ingredients. 100 points from Gryffindor and you have a week's worth of detentions."

Harry nodded slowly feeling defeated. "There isn't any chance that I could have…"

"No, you may not have the potion. You are lucky I am not having you reported to the headmaster. You could have been expelled for this. It is only out of the fondness for my godson that I am trying to be civil to you. I am still angry by your actions during occlumency last year."

Harry knew he was talking about when he looked into his pensieve, but he decided not to push the matter.

"You will be here tomorrow at six o'clock for your first detention. Don't be late!"

"Yes, sir," said Harry as he turned to leave. He grabbed his father's cloak from off the floor on the way out of the office. He walked down the dungeon's corridors with a heavy heart, knowing that he had once again failed to do something right. He felt as if he was eternally cursed or something.

Although he was thoroughly exhausted, he somehow made it back to his dorm room in the Gryffindor Tower. He listened quietly to the sounds of his dorm mates snoring and breathing softly. He was determined not to fall asleep if possible. He was still replaying the dream he had earlier this evening over and over in his head and he wasn't sure if he wanted to have another dream like it. It had been so strange. Why would he dream from Sirius's perspective? If this was how his mind was dealing with his unending grief, then it was morbidly wrong. Maybe there was something wrong with him.

His thoughts still on his godfather, he decided to do something that he hadn't done in quite a while. He pulled out the old leather journal that Remus had given him for his birthday. He was hoping that reading would help delay the inevitable sleep that would claim him. He caressed the cover of his godfather's precious journal and lovingly fingered Sirius's name. He then turned a page randomly at the center of the book. He rubbed at his eyes tiredly, and began to read. He was shocked by what he saw within the pages…

_April 28…. I have been hearing some rumors that Regulus has finally joined the Death Eaters. I am sure our parents are quite proud seeing that he was always there golden child. I haven't been home in nearly a year, and I know that they thoroughly despise me. They have probably have already gone and blasted me off of that damned tapestry of theirs. I am scared for Regulus. I don't think he really knows what he is doing. He has always been so impressionable. For years my idiot brother has been listening to all that nonsense about purebloods that our parents have tried to cram down our throats. I tried to talk some sense into him, but since that day at the lake he has refused to speak to me. He feels that I abandoned him when I ran away. I tried to convince him that I had a place of my own now because of our uncle's money and that he could come live with me. But he refuses to listen to me now. I am afraid I have lost him forever..._

After having read the enlightening journal entry, Harry began to recall the conversation that he and Sirius had had when he stayed at Number Twelve Grimmauld Place two summers ago. At the time he had been shocked to learn that Sirius's family were loyal supporters of Voldemort and that he had run away as a result. He also remembered that being told that his younger brother Regulus had joined Voldemort only to be killed by the Death Eaters when he tried to leave. Harry imagined that that his brother may have looked similar to Sirius, with long black hair and hazel eyes. "_I tried to talk some sense into him, but since that day at the lake he has refused to speak to me," _Harry read again from the journal entry.

Then as if the last puzzle piece was slipping into place, Harry remembered the dream he had from before. The one in which he was sitting beside the lake talking to a dark haired boy. "_I left for a reason, little brother. I hate them, you know that. Mum and Dad are constantly on my case about everything that happens. And they have never let me forget the fact that the sorting hat put me in Gryffindor. I am always being compared to you and everything that you do. You are their golden child because you made it into Slytherin. Besides, I can't stand all the shit they say about my friends. I refuse to become like them!" _

Harry started shaking as he realized that he was indeed reliving Sirius memories. Most of the dreams had been somewhat fragmented, but a few stood out as being especially clear. There had been the one about the Quidditch game, and now the one about the two boys sitting beside the lake. Even the first dream he had, in which he was verbally and physically accosted by some unknown man, could be one of Sirius's memories. In fact, it very well could have taken place after the prank the marauders pulled on Snape.

The fact that he was reliving Sirius's memories was both exhilarating and frightening. Everything was slipping into place. Everything was making sense now, except for one thing. Why?

He knew that these dreams could not be the work of his own subconscious imagination because some of the things that happened in the dreams he could have never possibly known about. So where were they coming from?

A/N: As it is obvious now, the dreams are from Sirius's memories. I hope that they are not to confusing to read. In a way, Harry is along for the ride in these dreams. His own subconscious mind can process what is going on, but he has not control over what _his_ body (actually Sirius) says and does. You know, because they are memories, not really dreams. Does that make any sense? Why and how he is having these dreams will be revealed in time. They mean everything to the plot in this story. My beta did a lot of research for me about Sirius from books 3-5 so that I could be as close to canon as possible. I tried to be creative in designing Sirius's memories. I hope that this chapter satisfies everyone's curiosity.

Disclaimer: (Just in case!) The dream was adapted from the scene in POA, chapter 9, Grim Defeat written by J.K. Rowling and owned by some publisher. I do not own rights to it and I am asking nothing in return for using her ideas. (So there!)

Many thanks to all my reviewers and readers. And a thousand thanks to my beta, Drae.


	8. Father Figure

**Chapter 8- Father Figure**

The next day, Harry found himself desperately trying to pay attention in his classes, but his mind seemed as if it were on some continuous loop. There seemed to be no end to the number of times he replayed the dreams over and over in his mind trying to make sense of them. Knowing that the answers behind these intriguing nightmares may lie within the pages of Sirius's journal, he couldn't wait until he had some time alone again to peruse the messy scrawl of his late godfather.

"Harry!" a voice called to him.

"Huh? What?" he said numbly as he came out of his dreamlike trance. He had to stop zoning out like this or he would never get anything done.

"Professor Lupin dismissed our class already," said Hermione who was standing beside Ron.

"What? Oh… right, sorry," said Harry as he gathered up his things. He began to stand up when a movement caught his attention out of the corner of his eye. He blushed with embarrassment when he realized that Professor Lupin had heard their entire conversation and was walking towards them. He knew that Remus had caught him not paying attention again, and he hoped that he wouldn't be reprimanded for his negligence.

"Do you mind sticking around Harry?" asked Remus.

"Yeah, sure, no problem. I will catch up with you guys later," said Harry as he resumed his seat.

"See ya later mate," called Ron as he led Hermione out of the classroom.

Remus sat on top of the desk in front of Harry's so that his feet rested on the attached chair. He placed his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands together firmly. He then leaned forward slightly and said, "So tell me how you are doing?"

"I'm fine," said Harry without expression. He looked up into the older man's eyes hoping that he would not catch his lie.

"We both know that that is not true. Snape may not have informed the headmaster about your little incident last night, but he did feel that it was important to tell me."

Harry opened and closed his mouth trying to form some type of explanation, but no words came. He crossed his arms tightly and looked away in frustration. He felt like he had been betrayed. He should have known better than to think that Snape could be trusted.

"We are all very worried about you. You have been through quite an ordeal this year and it's only natural that you would still be struggling with some things."

"I am fine really…" Harry tried to explain as he looked back at his professor, but Remus cut him off.

"Don't try to insult my intelligence by trying to insinuate that you are in any way fine. People who are _fine_ do not need to steal dreamless sleep potions in order to sleep at night," he snapped.

Harry looked away again and bit his lip in frustration. Why was everyone always trying to meddle in his business? Why can't anyone leave him be?

Remus sighed deeply and looked like he was trying to start over. "Listen, I'm sorry for snapping at you, but I think you and I need to have a good talk. We haven't been talking as much lately and I would really enjoy your company. What do you say to coming to my rooms tonight after your detention with Snape for a late night tea?"

"I don't know…" Harry began.

"C'mon… I would love to have you. I never have company. Besides, the tea I am preparing has some calming properties that may help you sleep."

"Alright, I guess so," said Harry slowly. The idea of taking a tea to help him sleep did sound somewhat appealing.

"Good, so I will see you tonight then, around 9 o'clock?"

"Sure."

Remus gave the small boy directions to his private rooms and silently prayed that he would show up tonight. He had been preparing for their "talk" for quite a while now and he had to handle everything pretty delicately or he would lose Harry's trust forever.

After attending the first of many detentions with Professor Snape, Harry found himself walking towards Professor Lupin's private rooms. He climbed the numerous staircases until he found himself on the fourth floor above the main lobby. He walked along the dimly lit corridor until he reached his destination.

Harry was curious about Remus's living quarters as he had yet to see them. He usually spent time with his father's friend after class or on the grounds surrounding Hogwarts. It never occurred to him to visit him in his private rooms. After much contemplation he decided that talking to Remus may be a good thing. He was grateful for the invitation as the man brought him comfort in a way similar to how Sirius had comforted him when he had been alive.

With a heavy sigh, Harry knocked softly on the small wooden door and waited. After a moment or so, he knocked again since the professor had yet to answer the door. Still, there was no reply. Harry began to wonder if maybe Remus had forgotten or perhaps he had mistakenly come at the wrong time. He thought back to their conversation and he could distinctly remember the professor saying this exact time.

He leaned against the stone wall and raked his messy mop of hair with his hand. Should he wait outside for him or perhaps come back at another time? Harry couldn't decide, so on a whim he tried the handle on the door and felt it click open. The door was unlocked! He pulled the door ajar and peered inside, but there was still no sign of Remus. Not knowing what else to do, Harry walked inside the professor's private rooms and quietly closed the door behind him.

Part of him felt like he was intruding in Remus's space, but he had invited him here and Harry believed that the man would not be upset if he had found him in his rooms. He smiled as he walked around the main living area as it reminded him completely of Remus. The layout of the room was fairly simple, a cluster of chairs and a couch near the fireplace and a small desk near the window. A door, which must lead to his private bedroom and bathroom, was on the far wall across from the fireplace. The perimeter of the room was covered in various book shelves of many styles and shapes. The furniture was made of a deep mahogany wood and upholstered in muted shades of brown and grey. The walls had been painted in a deep tan. The colors did not match all that well, but somehow it suited Remus completely; nothing extraordinary, just comfortable and simple.

As Harry walked around he noticed that there were a few photos atop the book shelves. He had seen many of them before because Sirius had similar photos at Number Twelve Grimmauld Place. There were some pictures of Remus when he was young with two older adults, which Harry assumed may be his parents. There were pictures of Harry's mother and father on their wedding day. There were some of himself as a baby and some of him here at Hogwarts. There were also of course pictures that were taken during the days of the Marauders. Harry wasn't surprised to see that Remus hadn't cut Peter Pettigrew's face out them. He knew from Sirius that they had fond memories of that time, even if Peter did betray his family later. Still, seeing Peter's face was enough to cause Harry's stomach to turn queasy. He decided to move on in his exploration of the room.

He was utterly surprised at what he found when he came upon Remus's rather messy desk. There were several psychology books with titles like Overcoming Trauma and A Collection of Case Studies Involving Abused Children. The books appeared to be written by both muggle and wizard authors. Some of the books were facing down with their pages open. Others had pages that were dog eared at the corners and some were bookmarked using sticky notes, a muggle invention. There were also various pieces of parchment that Remus had apparently used to scribble down information, but Harry couldn't make out the hasty scrawl. But what shocked Harry to the very core was the folder that had been left open on the desk.

He leafed through the contents and could feel himself begin to physically shake at the realization of what he was seeing. Contained within the file were pictures of Harry the day after he came to the Burrow last summer. Madame Pomfrey had insisted upon documenting the abuse caused by his uncle for her records. It was disturbing in the fact that people in wizard photos could move, so it was as if Harry was watching himself in real time. There were photos taken of his face, torso, back and legs. In each photo his face was a mixture of shame and fear. His own emerald green eyes were haunting as they seemed rather dull and they revealed the amount of emotional and physical pain he was in. It appeared as if he was trying to mentally crawl inside of himself to escape the reality of what was happening at the time.

The folder also contained the notes that the school nurse took as she described and healed each one of his injuries. Harry was thankful that it hadn't been worse because he could recall several times in his life that he probably looked much worse at the hands of his own relatives. He was able to conceal at the time the fact that his uncle had raped him as he refused to take off his boxers in front of so many adults. Remus and Dumbledore had both insisted upon staying with him during the examination. As a result, the injuries he sustained from the rape took much longer to heal and provided him a constant reminder of what had happened to him for most of the summer. Harry suspected that Remus now knew about the sexual abuse after the events that took place on Halloween.

_Why would Remus have all these things about me?_ thought Harry as he continued to rifle through the things on the desk. He was so absorbed in what he was doing that he didn't even hear the professor come through the door.

"Harry?" asked Remus with a puzzled look on his face.

Harry jumped at the sound of the man's voice and dropped everything back onto the desk and stepped away. His heart was pounding as he realized he had been caught rifling through the professor's things.

"Oh gods… you weren't meant to see any of that… I am sorry I am late… oh gods…. how do I begin?" Remus looked like he was near panic as he approached the desk. He began closing the folders and stacking the many books so that their bindings could not reveal the true nature of the books' contents.

Harry watched the man in complete shock, not really knowing what to say or do. He began to speculate on the real purpose that Remus had invited him here tonight and suspected that the professor probably hadn't intended to have one of their usual conversations.

Remus looked up at him as he finished tidying and sighed deeply. "Would you join me on the couch?" he asked.

Harry shrugged and followed Remus over to the sitting area, but sat in one of the arm chairs instead. Remus lit the fire using his wand, sat back, and rubbed his face thoughtfully.

"Would you like some tea?" asked Remus after a short while.

"No," said Harry sharply. He found himself sitting in a defensive position with his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes looking anywhere except for at Remus.

"I am sorry I was late. I was held up by a student who had lit a stink bomb in one of the boys' bathrooms. It was more difficult than I had imagined to get rid of that awful smell. I guess it's a Muggle invention. Muggles have the strangest senses of humor…." Remus's voice trailed off as he realized that Harry wasn't really listening. "I am assuming I left the door unlocked again and that you let yourself in."

Harry nodded absentmindedly as he looked over at Remus. "Don't worry I am not angry or anything, just surprised. I didn't have any time to tidy up in here before you came over," said Remus.

Harry shrugged again and looked away again. He focused on the dancing flames in the fireplace, not really wanting to continue with this conversation. He had a feeling about where it was going. He thought about how he could excuse himself so that he could leave, but everything that came to mind sounded a bit too rude.

"I am sorry you had to see all that on my desk. Are you alright, Harry?"

"I'm fine," said Harry firmly.

"You always say that," said the professor, more to himself than to the small boy across the room from him. Harry shrugged again, determined not to say much else.

"Would you like to know why I have all that information on you?"

Rather than responding, Harry looked at him defiantly, waiting for the drama that would inevitably begin.

"Harry, I am concerned about you. You have been through a lot this year, and I am worried that you are not handling everything as well as you would like the rest of us to believe…. I had hoped that you would have taken Madame Pomfrey and Dumbledore's offer and speak to a therapist."

"I do not want to speak to some stranger about my problems and then have them blab all my secrets to rest of the wizarding world. I don't trust anyone enough to do that!" Harry retorted angrily.

"I understand that Harry, and I would like to make you an offer. You may not know this, but after I graduated from Hogwarts there was a time that I tried to pursue being a healer. I began to study on my own, but none of the wizarding colleges would accept me because…. well you know… because I am a werewolf. I was mostly interested in the psychological aspect of healing rather than of medicine itself. I worked for a short time during the war as an unlicensed therapist helping families overcome the loss of their loved ones. But after your parents died, well I was too much of a mess to be of much help to anyone. The rest of the details are not important… I guess what I am trying to say is that I would like to help you… if you will let me." Remus looked over at Harry hopefully.

"Help me do what?" asked Harry purposely trying to be evasive.

"Harry, you and I both know that you are struggling to deal with everything going on. You have had to overcome the loss of someone very close to you, you escaped from an abusive home, and you were nearly killed not more than a month ago. Not to mention everything else that has happened before this year. Let me help you…"

"Professor Lupin, do you honestly think…" Harry began.

"Remus… call me Remus please."

"Remus," Harry replied in a mocking tone, "Do you honestly think that talking about everything with you is going to magically make everything that happened go away?"

"Of course I can't take back anything that has happened to you, but I can make it easier. Or at least that is what I would like to try and do. Harry, you can trust me. You know that I would never betray your trust for any reason."

Harry sighed heavily and looked back into the flames. He didn't know what to do. He hated talking about everything as it brought back too many painful memories, but Remus's offer sounded appealing.

"I don't know… I hate thinking about everything…"

"I know Harry but believe me when I say that talking about it does help… I have seen a therapist myself in the past when things got too bad."

"Really? When?" asked Harry, now a bit curious.

"Well I saw someone a few times when I was a boy to help me to understand how being a werewolf was going to change my life…. and again after the death of your parents… in one evening I lost everyone I ever cared about in one way or another… it was too much to take at the time, especially after the death of my own parents."

"I didn't know, Remus, I'm sorry," said Harry genuinely. He sometimes forgot what Remus had been through in his life. It was somewhat comforting to know that he had seen a therapist when he was younger too. He let down his guard a bit and leaned forward with his elbows resting on his knees.

"It's alright, time allowed me to heal and come to terms with everything, as I hope it will with you."

"I doubt time can heal the pain I feel… it eats away at me inside," Harry revealed. Both looked at each other somewhat surprised that Harry had subconsciously chosen to start talking about what was bothering him.

"Tell me about the pain…" Remus tried.

"I really don't know how to explain it… it's just always there. I feel sad and tired all of the time like there is a darkness inside of me."

"A darkness?" asked Remus thoughtfully. "Do you still have those nightmares… you know about Voldemort and your uncle?"

"No," said Harry honestly, "the pensieve that Dumbledore gave me helped with that."

"Any visions?"

"Nope."

"Does your scar ever hurt like it did?"

"Nope."

"That's good… how have you been eating? You still seem a little thin to me."

"Alright I guess," said Harry. Remus looked at him doubtfully. The dark haired boy across from him still seemed very small and withdrawn. He knew deep down that depression was beginning to take hold of the son of his once best friend. It pained him to see how life had treated Harry. Time and time again he berated himself for not checking on the boy all those years. He was too consumed in his own misery and he made assumptions that Dumbledore had ensured the boy's welfare. They had all been so mistaken.

"You said before that you weren't having those nightmares anymore, but how have you been sleeping?"

Harry looked away, "Fine."

"Don't lie. You haven't been sleeping, have you? I can tell by the circles under your eyes, and from the fact that you tried to steal a dreamless sleep potion from Professor Snape."

"Fine, I haven't been sleeping. Happy now?"

"Of course not. I'm worried about you. Why haven't you been able to sleep? Severus mentioned something about some dreams you have been having. Is something going on?"

"I just have some things on my mind, that's all." Harry was not about to reveal that he thought he was going crazy on top of everything else. These dreams about Sirius were getting stranger and stranger. How could he tell Remus that he was reliving the memories of his dead best friend? Wouldn't that be cruel to bring him such pain?

"Harry, please tell me about the dreams…"

"It's nothing… really…" Harry was beginning to get angry by Remus's insistence at gaining information from him. He was just starting to warm up to the idea of talking to Remus about everything, but he wanted to do it when he felt ready, not on command.

"Harry, please tell me. Are you thinking about Sirius or your uncle?" Harry jumped up from his seat in frustration. Remus was apparently not going to back down from his line of questioning.

"It's everything!" shouted Harry using his hands to emphasize his anger at this point. "And yes I have been thinking about Sirius! How can I not! It's my fault that he is dead. If I weren't so stupid and worthless I would have known that Voldemort was trying to trick me…"

"Harry, Sirius's death is not your fault…"

"Yes it is. Everything is my fault. The fact remains that everyone around me dies or becomes hurt because of me…. and… and now I have this stupid prophecy hanging over my head as well."

Remus stood up beside him with a look of utter pity on his face. "Do you know what the prophecy said?" asked the professor.

Harry crossed his arms again and defiantly said, "Yes, but I can't tell you. Dumbledore gave me strict orders on that one."

"Alright, alright. I was only asking. I didn't mean to upset you. Are you alright?"

"Yes," he answered as his temper began to cool down.

"Harry, do you see now how everything is still bothering you? You are not fine, and I really feel that you should talk to someone. If not me than maybe Draco or Ron or Hermione…."

Harry nodded in understanding. He had thought about talking to Draco, but the time never felt right. He looked down at his watch and realized that it was getting late. "I should get going…"

"Okay, but can I assume that you would be willing to talk to me every once in a while. No one else would have to know about it."

"I guess so," said Harry as he turned to walk towards the door. He stopped mid stride as he felt that it was important to tell Remus how he was really feeling about the situation. "I guess it would be okay, but I don't like to be pressured to talk about things. If I don't want to talk about something, are you going to make me?" He was thinking about his dreams about Sirius. He still wasn't prepared to tell anyone about them until he could make more sense of them.

"No, Harry. I won't make you. We will only talk about what you feel comfortable about. I may ask you some difficult questions, but it will be up to you if you want to respond. How does that sound?"

"I guess it sounds okay. Thank you."

"No problem… Harry, before you leave I need to tell you something very important."

"What?" he asked cautiously. The graying man before him had a look of determination on his face that was somewhat unsettling.

"You know that stuff in your file and everything that has happened to you isn't your fault, right?"

"Yeah, I know," replied Harry knowing that it was what Remus wanted to hear.

"No, I don't think that you do. Harry, everything that has happened: your parents' death, Cedric, Sirius, your relatives… none of that was your fault."

"Yeah, its okay, I know." Harry's heart began pounding. _Why was Remus doing this to him?_ He began to back up slowly, but Remus followed him every tiny step of the way.

"No, you don't. It's not your fault," the man insisted again. There was such sadness in his eyes.

"Yeah, okay. Let it go, alright?"

"It's not your fault."

"Okay," Harry's chin began to tremble in frustration. He wanted to run out of the room and away from this situation. Of everything that was bothering him about the past events; it was the guilt that had sent him into this depression he had begun to feel on a daily basis. He felt solely responsible for all the deaths that occurred in his life, and somewhere deep down he felt responsible for the abuse his relatives caused him as well. The guilt is what ate away at his spirit each day.

"Harry… what your uncle did to you... it's not your fault."

By now Harry had unconsciously backed himself right into one of the book cases on the far wall. Remus had kept a close distance, invading Harry's personal space and therefore making it increasingly more difficult for Harry to put up his mental walls around him. Remus had kept his word about not asking him questions about what happened to him if he didn't want to talk about it. Instead, he was trying to make Harry at least understand that his guilt was misplaced.

"I know… "

"It's not your fault."

"Don't do this to me, Remus…" he whispered. Tears had formed at the corner of Harry's eyes and were now cascading down his pale face.

"It's not your fault…Harry…it's not your fault."

"He said that I was a freak…" His voice was breaking, and he was now shaking visibly. "That I deserved it after what I had done…"

"It's not your fault, Harry."

"I am so sorry… I couldn't get away…"

"Don't be sorry… It's not your fault…."

"Oh gods, Remus…."

Harry broke down and began sobbing uncontrollably. Remus reached out and pulled him into a hug. Harry then threw his arms around Remus's neck and buried his face into the man's shoulder. Remus in turn wrapped his arms tighter around his lithe frame and rocked him gently from side to side. He cried out in misery as sob after sob racked his body. Harry had never cried like this before as he would have been punished by the Dursleys for making too much noise. It felt as if his very soul was weeping in agony, but oddly enough with each passing sob he felt calmer and calmer. It was as if an emotional weight was being lifted off his shoulders. Soon his weeping diminished to only a few tears. Remus continued to hold him tightly, sometimes stroking his hair, other times rubbing small circles on his back. Oddly enough he felt better than he did in a long time. Sometimes a body just needs to cry in order to unleash its grief.

Finally, when it seemed as if Harry had calmed down somewhat, Remus drew back and took Harry's tear-stained face in both of his hands, forcing him to look up at him. "Harry, none of what happened is your fault. You need to understand that you if you ever want to heal." He then lovingly brushed away a few stray tears.

Harry closed his eyes and nodded in understanding. He didn't completely believe what the man in front of him had just repeatedly told him. But cracks had begun to etch their way across the mental shields that Harry had put in place long ago to make sense of what had happened to him. He mistakenly justified his relative's actions by believing all the horrible things they had ever told him. It is extremely difficult to overcome that kind of conditioning.

Remus then placed both his hands on Harry's shoulders and sighed. "I am not sure if I ever told you, Harry, but I love you. You mean the world to me, kiddo, and I promise you that I will always be there for you."

"Sirius said that too…"

"I know, Harry, I know." Remus looked away as his own eyes began to fill with tears. He looked up at the ceiling and blinked them away hoping that Harry had not seen them. He needed to stay strong for him. "I could never replace what Sirius meant to you, but I would like to think of us as family."

"I would like that too," said Harry with a sad smile. Remus hugged him again and kissed the top of his head in an affectionate father type way.

"Are you okay?" asked Remus.

"I think so," said Harry.

"Would you like me to walk you back to Gryffindor?"

"No, I'll be alright… I just need some time alone…"

"Alright, would you like me to send Dobby over with some of that tea we discussed earlier?"

"That would be nice, thanks," said Harry appreciatively.

"No problem. Just know that my door will always open to you, okay? We will talk again later about when you want to come see me next."

Harry nodded, and turned to leave. His hand had already reached the door knob when he stopped for a moment. He turned back around and warmly embraced the torso of the man, who he now looked up to as a father figure. He then quickly left the room without another word.

Remus remained where he stood, shocked to the very core. That was the first time Harry had ever initiated any kind of intimate contact with him. In the past Harry had returned his hugs, but it seemed that he only did it if he felt he was obligated to. Remus hoped that this new development meant that he had gained Harry's trust that he desperately needed in order to help him begin to heal. So they both could begin to heal.

He peeked outside of his door in time to see Harry turn around the corner at the end of the long hallway. Harry was so much stronger than he gave himself credit for. He closed the door again and resumed his position on the couch before the fireplace.

Remus hadn't wanted to say anything tonight to him, but he had begun the process of gaining custody of Harry. With the headmaster on his side, and the fact that Harry was no longer considered a minor in the wizarding world, there seemed to be a real possibility that Harry may be able to come and live with him during the summer and after graduation. It was the least he could do for the boy that he now thought of like a son. Fortunately, the laws regarding werewolves and guardianship of children were somewhat vague for teenagers over the age of sixteen. The headmaster had been working on Harry's new guardianship since this summer and had found a loop hole that would allow Harry to be in Remus's care as long as he was not adopted.

The only foreseeable problem in him gaining guardianship of Harry was that he remained under probation for the spell he had used on Vernon Dursley last summer. The fact he was on probation was trivial as it inflicted no real consequences other than adding another blow to his ability to gain custody of Harry.

He had acted blindly because he had been so full of rage. He had been angry with Harry the night that he revealed that he refused to press charges against his relatives. Remus understood Harry's reasoning at the time, but that didn't negate the fact that Vernon Dursley was allowed to walk around free after the horrendous crimes he had committed. After he had wreaked his revenge, he felt worse than he did before. Besides his alter ego, the wolf, he did not consider himself to be a violent man and his actions went against every fiber of his being.

Regret can be all consuming sometimes. He hated himself for his actions, and now it seemed as if he may be prevented custody of the boy he loved and adored because of it. Dumbledore was currently trying to set up a hearing to determine whether or not Remus would remain under probation. If all went well, Harry would move in with him this summer. He hoped to provide him a home in which he would finally feel like he was loved.

A/N: I loved writing this chapter and it is one of my favorites. My inspiration usually comes from a variety of sources, and the scene between Remus and Harry is borrowed from the movie Good Will Hunting, although I think the dialogue is different, but the idea is the same. I haven't seen the movie in years, but I remembered that scene between Matt Damon and Robin Williams in his office and I thought it was particularly powerful. My heart was pounding when I wrote this chapter, but when I reread it I felt I somehow lost the emotion I was striving for. What did you all think of this chapter?

A/N2: I realize that my goal was to stick to Harry's perspective, but I somehow shifted focus onto Remus in the middle of the story without intending to. I like the outcome because I was able to reveal some information about where Harry will be staying this summer.

Many thanks to my reviewers and readers. And one thousand thanks to my beta Drae!


	9. Detentions and Confessions

This chapter is dedicated to my reviewer Rowenna who inspired me to write my next chapter highlighting a detention with Snape and adding in some HD goodness! This was completely unplanned and I think that it enhanced my story line. Thanks Rowenna!

**Chapter 9- Detentions and Confessions**

Harry was currently serving his fourth night of detention in a row by scrubbing the Potion's classroom. His friends were quite surprised when he told him that he had been given a week's worth of detentions with Snape. He didn't have the heart to tell them the real reason he was being punished, so he explained that the detentions were given to him because Snape had caught Harry calling him "a greasy git" under his breath. His friends had unwittingly believed this as it was their code name for their most hated professor. It was common knowledge that there was tension between the two of them, so it wasn't completely unbelievable that Professor Snape would give Harry a week's worth of detentions for such a comment.

Harry scrubbed and scrubbed with all of his might hoping that this would be the last stain that he would need to get out tonight. He was overly tired once again and he would like to get some rest. He looked down at his work and was pleased at the progress he had made. He rolled his sore shoulders about in a circular motion and then used his left hand to rub at the aching muscles in his right forearm and wrist. Oddly enough, he didn't mind the manual labor. It was somewhat comforting and familiar, and it allowed him to place his frustration about everything he was feeling into his work.

Thinking back to his meeting last night, he was glad now that he had been able to talk to Remus about some things. He was almost looking forward to meeting with him again. He was surprised at how much better he had felt after he left his office despite what he had seen on the professor's desk. He knew deep down that he should be talking to Draco about everything too, but there never seemed to be an opportunity. Harry's schedule was pretty hectic as of late, and they rarely had time to even speak to one another.

Harry stood up and looked about the Potion's classroom searching for any spots he may have missed during his thorough scrubbing. The professor had set him to work on cleaning all of the chairs and tables in the classroom. At first the job seemed fairly simple, but after an hour or more he realized that it was almost as bad as cleaning cauldrons. The tables were stained and caked from the numerous potion accidents over the years and it took Harry quite a bit of effort to scrub them all clean.

For a stone dungeon classroom, the place looked pretty good. The room didn't sparkle or anything like in the cleaning supply commercials he had once seen when he was younger, but it was obviously cleaner than it had been. Harry liked to imagine that the classroom hadn't looked this good in years, and he wondered what he could possibly do next, since he still had a few detentions left. He had already scrubbed umpteen cauldrons, and he had dusted and reorganized the Potion's supply closet. He even scrubbed the stone floor with a scrubbing brush and a pail of water. Knowing Snape he would probably come up with some other menial and rather nasty job for Harry to pass the time.

In the beginning of the week, Snape had been particularly harsh with him. He scolded him time and time again for trying to steal from his private supply cabinet while he put him to work. He even went as far as reverting back to his old ways of belittling him with such comments like, "You are just as arrogant as your father was," and "You think you can get away with anything because you are the headmaster's favorite pet." Harry just let the comments roll off knowing that the professor was saying these things out of anger.

More recently, however, Snape had begun to treat him with a little less disdain. Maybe he realized that his biting comments had no effect on Harry, or maybe it was because his anger was somehow misplaced. Harry couldn't be sure, but he was glad that the man had toned down his attitude toward him some. A part of him believed that Snape tolerated him because of his relationship with Draco. At least he left him alone now in peace during his detention instead of standing over him criticizing his every move.

Harry suddenly heard the classroom door open behind him, so he leaned forward and pretended to be scrubbing the desk in front of him. He didn't want to be yelled at for being lazy enough to take a break or not doing the job properly.

Snape walked across the center of the room carrying an armful of books, his robes swishing about in a dramatic manner. He looked about his classroom determinedly searching for some mistake that he could chastise the boy for. Setting the heavy books on his desk, he turned around to face Harry. His face was still somewhat pale, but his obsidian eyes now shined with brightness. In fact, he looked a lot healthier than he had been in a long time. Harry wondered if he and Dumbledore had found a solution to Snape's dilemma or if Voldemort had finally tired of torturing his former servant. In either case, Harry was secretly glad that the man was looking more like his old self. He still believed that it was partly his fault that Snape was being punished in the first place. Harry's own blood, after all, was responsible for bringing the Dark Lord back to power.

"Are you done, already?" he asked with only a small hint of his usual sneer in his voice.

Harry merely nodded and placed the scrub brush in his bucket and waited for further instructions. Snape folded his arms over his chest and studied the boy carefully.

"I really didn't expect you to finish all of the work I have given you so soon. I hate to admit this, but your cleaning abilities are impeccable. If I didn't know better, I would have sworn that you used magic instead of a brush. I should give you detention more often. Your skills may be lacking in the art of potion making, but they are superior in the art of housekeeping," he said mocking the small boy in front of him.

"I had a lot of practice," said Harry softly as he pushed his glasses back into position on his face.

"What?" asked Snape. He had clearly heard the boy, but he was curious about his comment.

"I said I had a lot of practice… a-at the Dursleys... I mean," said Harry in a defensive voice.

"I see," said Snape, as he nodded in understanding. Harry knew that Draco had told his godfather a little about his home life in an attempt to make the man understand that the boys shared a similar past.

Snape opened his mouth like he wanted to say more, but shut it instead. He went back to his desk and began to sort through his things to prepare for his lessons in the morning. Harry watched him closely, wondering if he was going to be dismissed or not.

"I understand that you are going to start talking to Professor Lupin about what has been troubling you," said Snape.

"Yeah," said Harry cautiously. He wondered where this line of questioning was going.

"I'm glad that you have chosen to talk to someone, even if it is that godforsaken werewolf. I would hate to find you trying to steal from me again in a vain attempt to mask your troubles. Dreamless sleep potions do not make your problems go away. Taking a potion like that is like putting a temporary band-aid over more serious problems. Do you understand?"

"Yes, I know… but I was… desperate," said Harry, who felt the need to explain himself.

"Well, these are desperate times Mr. Potter, there is a _war_ going on… but that does not excuse the fact that you tried to steal from one of your professors."

Harry looked away quickly, his face growing hot with embarrassment. Snape was right. _People are being killed out there in the battles being waged by Voldemort. There are people with far worse problems than my own, and here I am wallowing in self pity,_ thought Harry. He was called back to attention when he heard Snape's voice again.

"Draco was looking for you earlier, but I told him that you were busy working and didn't have time to talk," said Snape in a disinterested voice.

"Oh," said Harry. He would have liked to have been able to see Draco as they had not had a lot of alone time with each other recently. Quidditch, detentions, and the endless amounts of homework that the professors liked to pile on had begun to take its toll on their relationship. They couldn't talk during meals because they sat at their own house tables, and it was too difficult to try and hold a conversation during the classes they shared together.

He watched as the potion's master disappeared in the classroom supply cabinet, wondering if he should leave. Snape quickly returned carrying a few ingredients, which he then set down upon his private work station. "He mentioned something about telling you to meet him later. He said that you would know where to go," said Snape.

"Thanks for the message. Was there anything else you needed me to do?" asked Harry. He was feeling a little impatient now that he knew he would have an opportunity to have some alone time with Draco.

"No, that will be all today. I will see you tomorrow at the same time. You are dismissed."

"Thank you," said Harry. He dumped the dirty water into the sink, and returned the scrub brush and the bucket to the closet. He grabbed his school bag from the far corner and then left the classroom without looking back.

He was excited about seeing Draco tonight and he hoped that they would finally have an opportunity to talk. He walked towards their secret meeting spot, and felt his stomach do a small flip flop. He enjoyed the light fluttery feeling that he got when he thought about Draco. The blond haired boy had an incredible power over him, and made Harry feel alive like no other person could.

He arrived at the Room of Requirement rather quickly, but saw that Draco was no where to be found. Somewhat disappointed, he decided to wait for him on the couch in front of the fireplace. He sat there for a few minutes quietly, but soon the warmth of the flickering flames lulled him to sleep.

_Harry found himself huddling in the corner of what appeared to be a cell of some kind. The room itself was fairly small, maybe only 6 feet by 7 feet. He felt a coldness like none other seeping through the drafty stone walls. All he had to protect himself from the chill besides the ragged clothes on his weak body was a thin piece of cloth that was too small and shabby to be considered much of a blanket. His hands and feet felt quite numb, and he longed for something that would bring him more warmth. The small cot on the other side of the cell was left untouched, knowing that it was more than likely infested with disease and lice. There were no windows to speak of in the tiny room, so he had no idea if it were day or night. The heavy cell door was covered with thick bars, and hardly any light entered the cell. There were very few torches along the prisoner's corridors as the Dementors did not have much of a need for them. The darkness was as much of an imprisonment as the cell itself was._

_Harry began to recall not only what was happening in this particular memory, but he could also sense Sirius's train of thought while he was in prison. For a long time, all Sirius wanted was revenge. Revenge for being wrongfully accused and sent to this god awful place… revenge on Peter for betraying them… revenge on You-Know-Who for killing his "true" family. But now he just wanted out so that he could prevent any further catastrophes from happening._

_At first he had no idea how long he had been in Azkaban. For all he knew it could have been months or perhaps years. Time has a way of seeming to be nonexistent in this darkened place. He now realized that a good many years had passed after seeing the news article in the newspaper given to him by Cornelius Fudge. Peter was at Hogwarts with Harry, and he was perfectly positioned to act if one hint reached his ears that the Dark side was gathering strength again. Sirius became obsessed with the idea of breaking out, but he waited patiently for the opportune time to make his escape. All he had right now was time._

_The unmistakable feeling of desperation and loneliness began to consume him and he knew that the Dementors must be near. He quickly transformed into his dog form and waited for them to pass. As Padfoot, his emotions were less complex, and therefore the Dementors could not sense him. He would not allow those monstrous creatures to suck his one happy thought from his mind… his innocence. It was the only thing that kept him sane._

_Instead of passing by his cell door, one of the Dementors stopped right in front of it. Its ragged black robes were billowing against the chilled air that entered the prison from the endless amount of thin crevices in the stone walls. The sight of the hideous creature never failed to strike fear in his heat. He moved back into the corner of the cell and into the shadows, hoping that he would be left alone. Suddenly, a grotesquely skeletal hand appeared from the tattered robes and opened the cell door. He soon realized that it had come to bring him some food, something they rarely considered giving the prisoners. They like the prisoners to remain as weak as possible for it provided them with easy prey._

_He saw his opportunity and rose up on all fours. When he thought that it wasn't looking, he slipped past the foul thing as quietly as possible. The Dementor could immediately sense that something was wrong and whipped his head about in a confused manner. It the let out a horrible demonic like scream as it realized that the prisoner was no longer in the cell. The Dementor was unable to focus on Padfoot since his emotions were now that of an animal, and it hurried in the other direction to find another Dementor to begin a search party._

_Relieved that he had not been detected, he ran as fast as he could through the long corridors, not really knowing where he was going. He skidded to a stop at the end of the long hallway and looked desperately left and right trying to decide which direction to go. One way led down another corridor, the other led up a flight of stairs. Looking back behind him he noticed that there were three Dementors headed his way, and another one was now coming up on his left. _

_He raced up the stairs taking three at a time with his long canine legs and came upon a large empty room that contained one barred window. Sniffing the air he realized that he could smell the saltiness of the ocean. He approached the window and stood up on his hind legs. It appeared that there was only one way to go and that was down. He sighed deeply, and he jumped with all his might and landed on the window ledge. In his precarious position he could see that the ocean was several stories below him. Because he was so thin he was able to easily slip through the bars, but he miscalculated the amount of effort he needed. He fell off the outside window ledge and plummeted towards the stormy sea below._

"_Harry!"_

_He fell down… down… down… until he finally smacked the surface of the salty water. Because of the distance he fell it took some time to orient himself in the dark waters and swim to the surface._

"_Harry!"_

_He began to panic as he dog paddled his way upwards, it seemed as if he was never going to reach the top. Was he even going in the right direction? It was so hard to tell in his panicked state. His lungs were now screaming in protest from the lack of oxygen. Finally, when it seemed that he could hold out no longer his head broke the surface._

"Harry!"

Harry could feel someone shaking his shoulders and he bolted awake gasping for air. He looked up and realized that Draco was standing over him with a concerned look on his face.

"Are you alright?" the blond asked as he sat down beside his boyfriend.

"Yeah…. I'm fine..," Harry managed to say after a few shaky breaths.

"You don't seem fine. You were thrashing around and whimpering quite a bit when I came in. Were you having a nightmare?" There were lines of worry creasing his forehead.

"No, not really. Just a dream, that's all," Harry tried to explain.

"What was the dream about?"

"I would rather not talk about it right now," said Harry. He really did not want to have to think about Sirius right now after that dream and he especially did not want to think about those Dementors. He always had bad experiences around them, and he hated to even think that they existed.

"Well, when do you think you would like to talk about it!" said Draco angrily.

"Huh… what?" asked Harry dumbly. Draco abruptly got up off the couch and paced back and forth in front of the fireplace. His pale eyes reflected the light of the fire making him appear to be much angrier than he was.

"You know what I am talking about. You never talk to me anymore. I am trying so hard to be supportive, and all you do is shut me out! I have changed so much for you and what thanks do I get? You refuse to talk about what is bothering you! I find out that you are looking up ingredients for a dreamless sleep potion, but you won't even tell me why."

"I… it's just that…I…don't know…," Harry struggled to form words, but felt at a loss to describe everything that had been happening. He had kept Draco in the dark for too long while he tried to sort everything out. Now it seemed that Draco was really angry with him. Harry was upset with himself for being so foolish. A huge lump formed in the back of his throat making it difficult to swallow. His eyes became glassy, but they did not shed any tears.

"I hardly ever see you anymore and when I do you're being all secretive. I am sick of it! I try so hard to love you and be there for you. And every time you shut down on me it's like you are throwing all my love in my face like it means nothing. Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I trust you," said Harry softly.

"Then why are you doing this?" asked Draco as he stopped pacing and stared down at the smaller boy. Harry slowly met his gaze. His emerald eyes caught Draco's pale ones communicating how confused and in pain he was right now.

Draco sat down beside him again and let out a grunt in frustration. He balled up his fists in frustration and punched the pillow beside him. Harry couldn't bring himself to look at him just yet. They sat there quietly for a few moments until Draco finally turned his head to look at Harry. "I am sorry that I yelled at you, it's just… this whole situation…you are all that I have right now, and it hurts when you won't talk to me about things."

"I'm sorry, Draco. I didn't realize that I was hurting you. I just feel so messed up about everything right now. I don't know how to tell you what was going on because I feel like I am going crazy," Harry looked down at his hands that he was currently wringing with nervousness and tried to find a way to begin.

Draco tilted his head to the side and asked, "Harry, what's going on?"

"Well, you know how I was having nightmares before about my past?"

Draco nodded in understanding and reached out and took Harry's hand. He gave it a squeeze and then began to stroke the back of it lovingly with his thumb, willing him to continue.

"Well, as you know Dumbledore gave me that pensieve so that I could store my memories in there. For a while, it seemed like it had worked. I didn't have any dreams about my relatives or Voldemort. I didn't even have any visions about what the Dark Lord was doing, which was pretty weird since I have lived with them for so long. But then… I started to have these strange dreams…"

"What do you mean?" asked Draco.

"They were really weird. First, I dreamt that I was being yelled at by some man for something I had done wrong at school… and then I dreamt that I was talking to this boy beside the lake… there were some other dreams too but they were like only fragments of dreams or something. I couldn't piece them together to mean anything. What was really strange was that it seemed like I knew all these people in my dreams even though I had never met them before. I said and did things that I would have never had said or done before. It felt like I was reliving someone else's memories."

"That is so strange… what do you think they mean…" said Draco in wonder.

"Well, I wasn't sure at first, but I think I kind of figured out whose memories I am dreaming of…"

"Who?"

"Sirius…" said Harry softly.

"Your godfather! Harry, I don't understand…."

"Listen, I know it sounds strange and for a while there I thought I was going crazy. But it is all starting to make sense."

"How do you know that your dreams are Sirius's memories?"

"Do you remember back in our third year when I fell off my broom because of the Dementors?"

"Yeah," said Draco. The blond had a guilty look on his face for he had teased Harry several times about the way he reacted to the Dementors.

"Well, I dreamt that I saw the whole thing from the stands, where he would have been sitting that day. After I watched myself fall off the broom, I ran away so that I wouldn't be discovered. I looked down and saw that I was running on all fours. I had large black paws, just like Sirius's animagus form. He was a large black dog named Snuffles…er… well actually that was our code word for him… he was really called Padfoot," explained Harry.

Harry looked back at Draco and realized that he had a sad look on his face. "You don't believe me, do you?"

"Harry, it's not that. You're still grieving for you godfather. Don't you think that it is possible that you are subconsciously making up these dreams because you don't want to believe he is really gone?"

Harry's eyes became glassy again as he started thinking about Draco said, but deep down he knew the truth and he wiped away a couple tears hastily.

"I know he is dead, Draco, and I thought I was making up the dreams subconsciously too. But there are too many details in my dreams that I couldn't have possibly ever known."

"Like what?" asked Draco curiously.

"Like when you came in here tonight, I was dreaming about how Sirius escaped from Azkaban. I knew only bits and details from what he told me from before, but I relived it like I was actually there. I knew what he was thinking and feeling while he was in prison." Draco still looked doubtful. Harry was getting more and more desperate to have someone understand what he was going through. "You have got to believe me Draco! You just have to!"

"I am trying to Harry, but your story sounds pretty unbelievable."

"Then I will prove it to you!" said Harry determinedly. He looked about the room until he found his school bag. He found it lying behind the couch, where he must have tossed it earlier. He searched frantically through its contents looking for one of the most precious things he owned.

"How?" asked Draco as he watched as Harry searched.

"With this!" said Harry as pulled his godfather's leather bound journal out of his bag.

"Isn't that your godfather's journal? I haven't seen that since this summer."

"That's because I haven't been reading it as much… at least not until recently. Remember when I told you about the dream that I had about talking to a boy by a lake?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, read the journal entry that I have bookmarked. It should say April 28th at the top," commanded Harry. He shoved the journal towards Draco and nodded at him to take it.

Draco read the journal entry quietly to himself and then looked up at Harry. "I knew about Regulus being Sirius's brother because we are cousins. I also remember hearing from my father that Regulus had joined the Death Eaters, but I am not sure what this has to do with your dream."

Harry looked at him with frustration. "Look at this line again… here let me read '_I tried to talk some sense into him, but since that day at the lake he has refused to speak to me.' _ Don't you see… this journal entry is referring to the memory I experienced in my dream."

"I am still not following you…"

"I had the dream about being at the lake talking to a dark haired boy _before_ I even read this entry. I had no idea that Sirius talked to his brother by a lake until after I had the dream. Don't you see… there was no way for me to know about this before I dreamt about it! I am reliving Sirius's memories!"

"Are you sure you didn't read this before?"

"Yes!"

"Oh gods…you're right… this is so weird," said the blond haired boy.

Harry looked relieved that someone believed what he was trying to say, but soon his face turned into a frown and he fell into despair. Somehow having Draco believe him made the fact that he was experiencing his dead godfather's memories that much more real. He began to shake slightly at the realization. _Am I going crazy? Why am I even dreaming about Sirius? What do I do now? Will I have to live with these memories forever?_

"Are you alright Harry?" asked Draco tentatively. Harry shook his no and squeezed his eyes tightly together. Realizing how upset he was, Draco reached out and pulled Harry into a hug.

"Are you sure you believe me? You don't think I am crazy?" Harry asked in a whisper. Draco pulled back and kissed him on his forehead near his scar.

"No, Harry I don't think you're crazy," said Draco. "I am so sorry you are going through this at all and I want to help you. Does anyone else know?"

"No," said Harry. "I didn't want anyone to know."

"Is this why you haven't been sleeping… why you looked up the dreamless sleep potion?"

"Yeah… about that… Dray…I kind of lied to you about that," said Harry looking at the fire. "I got kind of desperate when I wasn't getting any sleep. Some of the dreams had been really terrifying. That night after our study session I tried to steal a potion from Snape and I got caught. That's why I have been serving detention with him all week."

"Well, I can't say that I am happy that you lied to me, but I guess I understand."

"I'm so sorry about everything… it's just I feel like I am falling apart inside… I don't understand why this is happening to me…" Harry's chin began quiver as he got emotional again, and Draco wrapped his arms around him once more. Harry dropped his head so that it rested Draco's shoulder. He clenched his eyes tightly but he could not stop the flow of tears that revealed his true anguish inside.

"It's okay Harry… I am here for you… We'll figure this out," said Draco as he stroked Harry's messy black hair.

"Remus doesn't know about this? I know you went to go talk to him the other night."

"No, I didn't have the heart to tell him I am reliving his dead best friend's memories. He wanted to talk to me about all the… _other_ stuff. Apparently he used to be some kind of therapist. He says that I am not handling things very well, and he wants to help me heal."

"Well, I think it's a good idea Harry. You have a lot of people who care about you that are very concerned. It might be good to talk to him about these things."

"I know… it's just hard," said Harry sighing. Draco wrapped his arms tighter around Harry's body and pulled him down against his body so that they could cuddle together along the couch. Harry's head came to rest on his chest, and Draco continued to run his fingers through his hair. Harry felt quite content for the time being. Listening to his beloved's heart beat while Draco fingered his black locks was very comforting. Human touch was something that Harry was deprived of for far too long, and he savored every moment he had with Draco.

After a long while, Harry felt that he wanted… no, _needed_… something more from Draco than just cuddling. He wasn't used to being the one to initiate any kind of intimate contact so he felt a little awkward. He lifted his head and turned it so that his chin rested on Draco's chest. Draco turned his head to look down into Harry's eyes.

"I missed you…" said Harry.

"I missed you, too…" said Draco smiling.

Harry picked himself up slightly so that he could reposition his body over Draco's a bit better. He then leaned down and captured the blonde's soft pink lips between his own. He moved slowly at first, kissing him gently, but he hungered for more. He flicked his tongue across Draco's lips and felt his mouth open slightly. He entered his mouth eagerly, their tongues lashing at one another in a sudden passion. They hadn't kissed like this in a long time.

After a while, Harry moved away from his boyfriend's lips and kissed him along his jaw line until he reached the sensitive spot on Draco's throat. He sucked and licked at the tender spot hoping to elicit a response from the boy beneath him. Draco moaned in pleasure and ground his hips up towards Harry, rubbing their groins together. Harry felt his hardness rub against him.

Suddenly, Draco pulled back, "I'm sorry Harry, I know I shouldn't…."

"Shhh… It's alright, I want to… I need to…" said Harry lustfully.

"Are you sure? We don't have to go far," said Draco tried to explain.

"Shhh..," said Harry, as he captured that sensitive spot on Draco's neck once again between his lips. Feeling a bit daring, he gave him a little nip with his teeth before he moved on to his ear lobes. He began to suck and lick them as he in turned rubbed his throbbing groin against Draco's.

Draco's hands began roaming all over Harry's back being careful not to do anything that might cause him to become upset. He knew how delicate Harry's mental stability really was when it came to intimacy. He had been sexually abused for most of his life, and he had yet to really deal with the rape from last summer. Somehow, what they were doing was different. It seemed more innocent. Sure they were snogging like crazy and rubbing against each other wildly, but the fact that they had left their clothes on made it some how different for Harry. Their actions were not triggering any memories from his past so he was comfortable initiating everything that was happening.

Both of them were by now breathing more heavily and were emitting little sounds of pleasure as they explored each other's mouths and bodies. Harry began to rub against Draco more fiercely, until finally he let out a small cry of pleasure and fell heavily against Draco. His small frame twitched slightly as the orgasm left his body.

Draco chuckled softly seeing his boyfriend with a look of absolute pleasure on his face. "Alright there?"

"Uh-huh," said Harry drowsily. As if a light bulb went off in his brain, he lifted his head suddenly realizing he had neglected his mate. "Oh wait, I forgot about you. I could..."

"No, that's alright. I'm good," said Draco reassuringly.

"Are you sure? I feel bad that I did and you didn't."

"I'm fine. Besides, I got to see what you look like after… well, you know. I don't know how, but I think you look even more amazing."

"Oh, yeah?"

Draco nodded and planted a kiss on Harry's bruised lips. "We need to do this more often," said Harry.

"Really?"

"Yup, but next time it's your turn."

Draco laughed at his comment and pulled him back on top of him. They rested together like that for what seemed like hours, but alas, all good things must come to an end. They both needed to get back to their dormitories or they risked breaking curfew.

They gathered up their things and made their way back to their respective dormitories. Before they parted, Draco grabbed Harry by the hand and said, "I love you. You know that, right?'

Harry smiled. "I love you too, Dray."

"We'll figure those dreams out okay. You are not alone in this Harry. You will never be alone again. You have all of us to count on."

"Thank you, but I want to keep these dreams a secret for just a while longer, okay?"

"Okay," said Draco. He gave Harry's hand a squeeze and kissed him goodbye. "Goodnight, love."

"Goodnight," said Harry.

He was glad that he had told Draco about the dreams. It had been hard to make him understand, but he felt a whole lot better about it now that he wasn't alone. Maybe Remus was right. Talking about it all does make things easier to handle.

A/N: I had no intention of making this "extra" chapter so long, but I got a little carried away. I hope you all liked it. To be honest, I was a little nervous about posting it. I have never written a sexual scene like that before. Was it lame?

Many thanks to all my reviewers and readers. A thousand thanks to my beta Drae.


	10. Christmas Invitations

**Chapter 10- Christmas Invitations**

Harry was absentmindedly munching his way through a bowl of Frosted Flakes one morning when he noticed that the owls had already begun to make their deliveries. (A/N: I have no idea why I always write the scenes in the Great Hall during breakfast. I hate breakfast!) He didn't think much of it until he spotted the Weasley's family owls Pigwidgeon and Errol fly into the Great Hall. They were each carrying three green envelopes.

Harry watched as Errol swooped down and dropped one of the envelopes in front of Draco over at the Slytherin table. The blonde's face looked thoroughly puzzled as he read through its contents. Errol then silently flew towards the staff table at the head of the room and dropped a similar envelope before Remus and then Snape respectively. Harry didn't have time to contemplate the odd situation any further as a blur of grey feathers came whizzing past him. Pig was obviously having a little more difficulty carrying his load since he was so much smaller.

The hyperactive little owl made an abrupt u-turn and headed back towards Harry. He misjudged his flight path completely and ended up in his bowl of cereal head first.

"Oi, Pig! Bloody bird can't do anything right! I told mum not to use him," said Ron as he grabbed his beloved pet and set it upright. He dabbed at his owl's feathers with a spare napkin to get rid of the milk and cornflakes that were not covering the poor creature's body. He looked rather miserable. Fortunately, Pig managed to save the three precious envelopes, and it held out his small leg so that Ron could remove them. Seeing that he had delivered his cargo, the bird extended his small wings and flapped them a few times before he set off again. Pig whizzed about the Great Hall for a bit until he finally discovered Errol leaving through one of the upper windows.

Ron looked at each envelope and then passed one to Neville, another to Hermione, and finally one to Harry. Ginny and Ron winked at one another knowingly, while the other friends looked at one another completely bewildered.

Harry noticed that his name was written in bold calligraphy on the outside of the envelope. He neatly undid the crimson ribbon that held the green envelope together and pulled out the card that had lain hidden inside. The beige colored card was secured to another green piece of paper, and the lettering on the face of it was done in an amazing red calligraphy. The lettering wasn't only a deep red; it also had some type of glitter embedded in the ink. The card seemed to embody the very essence of Christmas, and he could swear that the card was enchanted to sparkle intermittently. Harry was awed by the sheer of beauty of something so simple. Not wanting to waste anymore time in wonder, he began to read the card to himself.

_In these desperate times it is_

_important that families stick together_

_through thick and thin. So since you_

_are now considered to be part of our_

_family, we wish to extend to you a_

_personal invitation to our humble abode._

_You are cordially invited to_

_stay with the Weasley family at the_

_Burrow this holiday season. The spirit of Christmas has a firm place in our hearts, and we cannot wait to welcome you home. We will greet you at King's Cross Station on December 20th._

_P.S. Harry, we will not accept,_

"_No thank you," as an answer._

Harry looked up at his best friend and tried to say something in response, but no words came. Ron smiled at him and started the conversation for him, "It's going to be so great, Harry, you wait and see. The whole family is going to be there this year. Even Bill and Charlie are coming in for the occasion…er… well, except Percy, but anyway…. this is going to be the biggest and best Christmas ever!"

"Are you sure, Ron? I hate to be a burden…."

"Don't even start in on that, Harry. You are family now, might as well face it. Unfortunately, family members usually get set to work. Mum will probably be having you do chores all Christmas break. Just you wait and see," said Ginny trying to help the situation.

"Well, alright then. What about you two?" asked Harry, looking at Hermione and Neville. "Are you coming too?"

Neville looked torn about the situation. "I would really love to, but my Gram needs me around this time of year. Christmas is always hard… on her, I mean."

Harry looked at his friend sympathetically. He knew what it was like to miss your parents at Christmas. He watched as Ginny wrapped her arms around her boyfriend and affectionately kissed him on the cheek. "I'll miss you, you know. You're going to have to write everyday."

"Okay, okay…let a man breathe," he said as Ginny wrapped her arms tighter around him, practically cutting off his air supply. "What about you Hermione?" Neville asked.

"Well, I don't know. My parents have been pretty funny about me being away from home since…ah... what happened last year…" said Hermione somewhat apprehensively. Everyone tried to side step the issue over what happened at the Department of Mysteries as much a possible so that Harry wouldn't become upset. Harry looked away anyway, knowing that he was the real cause of why her parents now worried about her so much.

"I understand, Hermione. Your parents love you and want to spend time with you, but if you think they might let you come for at least a day or two the invitation will always be open. My parents love you," said Ron reassuringly.

"Thanks, Ron. I'll see what I can do," she replied smiling softly.

During their conversation, Harry looked over at his boyfriend and caught his eye. Draco smiled at him, but something didn't seem right. His eyes seemed sad and lost. Harry made a mental note to ask what was troubling him later. He then glanced up over at the staff table to see what the professors' reactions to the invitation was.

Snape looked utterly bewildered. He scowled as he glanced at the card over and over again. He even turned it over as if he expected another message stating that it had been a joke or something. Harry suspected that he had been invited because of Draco. Like Harry, Draco was alone in the world right now and he needed his godfather as much as Harry had needed Sirius. Snape looked over at Draco like he had something to do with this mess, but Draco could only shrug his shoulders to express he was as confused as him.

Harry looked across the staff table and saw that Dumbledore, who was sitting by Snape, looked quite amused. His pale blues eyes twinkled as he struggled to suppress a snigger. It was pretty funny to see Snape all worked up about being invited to Christmas dinner. Harry continued to survey the rest of the staff until he caught the eye of Remus. Lupin lifted his own invitation slightly and nodded as he smiled at Harry. Harry smiled back at him. At least he would have someone he considered to be family there too.

Later that evening, Harry searched the entire castle looking for Draco. He hadn't been able to talk to him in classes today, and he wanted to find out what had been bothering him. No one had seen him anywhere, not even his roommate Blaise. He even checked the Room of Requirement, but he had yet to find his beloved boyfriend. He really began to worry about his whereabouts. _What if one of the Death Eaters had captured him or something?_

Not really knowing where else to look, Harry threw on his heavy cloak and went out into the cold night air. Draco was notorious for talking long walks when he wanted to be alone or was upset. Harry hoped that he would be able to find him outside. Surprisingly, it was actually quite bright outside. The moon was almost full, and Harry wondered if Lupin had already begun his preparations for his transformation. The landscape was illuminated by the endless expanse of snow, which seemed to sparkle in the soft glow of the waxing gibbous moon. The lake was completely frozen now, and it was difficult to distinguish between the ice itself and the snow covered shore.

Harry began to jog to keep himself warm and looked across the landscape hoping to see some sign of Draco. Suddenly, he knew without a doubt where Draco was. He made his way through the deep snow towards their favorite spot beneath an old maple tree that grew close to the shore's edge. He was freezing, but he was determined to find his boyfriend.

Sure enough, he located Draco sitting beneath the maple with arms wrapped around his body while he shivered. It was the same spot they had all come to when Draco explained what happened to them in limbo.

"Draco? I have been looking all over for you," he said as he approached the boy.

"Sorry. I kind of wanted to be alone for awhile."

"Do you want me to leave?" asked Harry hesitantly.

"No, of course not. I love having you around. Come here…" He said as he stood up and opened his arms. Harry embraced him quickly and snuggled in his warmth.

"What's bothering you?" he asked looking up at the blond.

"I guess it's just this whole Christmas thing…"

"What do you mean? Don't you want to go to the Weasley's?"

"Yeah, I do, but that's the problem," said Draco sadly.

"I don't get it," said Harry. He pulled back and looked up into Draco's pale eyes. He looked quite exquisite. His blonde hair glowed in the moonlight and his pale features were rosy with the cold. He looked almost like angelic, but then his features softened into a frown.

"It's my mum…" he began.

"What about her?"

"I feel like I have betrayed her or something. I left her with my father and never looked back. I didn't even consider the amount of danger she was still in when I left," he said. A single tear rolled down his face.

Harry reached up and brushed it away with is gloved hand. "Draco, you had to save yourself. I can't even imagine what would have happened to you if you hadn't used the portkey Snape gave you."

"I know, but you didn't see how frightened she looked when I last saw her. I didn't even get to say goodbye…"

Harry kissed him softly on the lips and asked, "Do you know what happened to her?"

"No, I imagine that she left with my father like he had planned, but I have no idea what happened to her after he was captured on Halloween. Severus thinks that she may be in hiding or something. It would be too dangerous to come out now…"

"Because of Voldemort?"

"Well, yeah... and the rest of his Death Eaters as well. She has always supported my father, but I think it was more out of fear than anything else. I don't think that she would ever openly support the Dark Lord on her own."

"Do you miss her?"

"Yeah… I do. I have been thinking about her a lot lately. It's not like she was a great mother or anything. She and I were never really close, I was raised by the house elves to be perfectly honest. She knew what my father did to me and she never tried to stop him. Maybe she was too afraid, I don't know. But I do love her, and I am worried for her."

"Maybe we could try to find her…" offered Harry.

"No, I think that she is better of in hiding, if that is where she is. I hate to even think about what would happen to her if she were ever discovered."

Harry nodded in understanding and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's waist once again. They clung to each other trying to block out the cold.

"Harry…"

"Yeah?" he mumbled into his chest.

"Is it wrong that I would rather be with the Weasleys this Christmas than my own mother?"

"No, of course not. You have to do what's right for you. Besides, you don't even know where she is."

"I know… it's just… that… that bunch of red heads have something that I have always wanted…. a real family. I like being around them… you know?"

"Yes, I know. I understand perfectly," said Harry.

He reached up and held Draco's face in his hands and then kissed him deeply. Allowing the taller boy to feel how much he loved him in that single kiss.

"Hey, you know what?" asked Draco as he pulled away grinning.

"What?" asked Harry.

"My arse is freezing out here, let's get inside!" said Draco as he ran back to the school.

"You're the dunderhead that came out here in the first place!" shouted Harry as he ran to catch up.

They traipsed through the heavy snow and back into Hogwarts. They decided to go raid the kitchen for cookies and hot chocolate before heading back to their dorms.

A/N: I know, I know… this chapter was really short compared to my last few, but in my defense when I set out to write the darn thing I kept getting more and more ideas of what I want to happen over Christmas and New Years. Some of which is going to be pretty dramatic. So the chapter I had originally planned has now become four shorter ones. That way I don't drive my beta crazy with an insanely long chapter, and you guys will get quicker updates. My bringing up Narcissa really doesn't add much to the plot, so don't start thinking otherwise, I just realized the other day that I had forgotten about her completely. I am exploring the idea of bringing her back if I do the 7th year fic. I know it seems that I am dragging out the reasons behind the dreams about Sirius, but Harry has yet to make sense of them. He will begin to after New Years (in the story's time line) after some certain events.

Thank you to everyone that reviewed the last chapter. And thank you to all my readers who continue to read this story. And of course, many thanks to Drae, my beta.


	11. Christmas Preparations

**Chapter 11- Christmas Preparations**

A week after Harry received the invitation to spend Christmas at the Burrow, he found himself packing up his belongings.

"C'mon mate, we're going to be late to the train station. Get a move on it!" said Ron as he levitated his trunk and grabbed his cloak before he made his way out of his dorm room.

"I'll be right down," replied Harry. All that he had left to pack was his pensieve. He kept it in the wooden box that he had received it in below his bed. He didn't feel very comfortable leaving it behind over the holidays, and he figured that he may need it while he was gone over the next three weeks. The box was rather large and Harry didn't have much space left in his trunk, so he used a shrinking a spell on the box and then tucked it neatly under his invisibility cloak.

Only the person left in the boy's dorm room besides Harry was Neville, and he had just finished packing his things as well.

"Well Neville, it looks like I won't be seeing you for a few weeks. Have a happy Christmas…"

"Thanks Harry. You do the same. Sorry I can't come with you all to the Burrow," he said sadly.

"No problem. I understand… will you visit them in the hospital?" asked Harry curiously.

Harry had known for quite some time now about what had happened to Neville's parents, and he tried to be as supportive as possible towards his friend about it. He shuddered to think about how it must feel to visit parents that were insane due to Death Eaters' torturing methods. It horrified him to know that the same woman who had caused the Longbottom's insanity was the same person who had duelled Sirius just before he passed through the veil. Harry didn't know what he would do if he ever saw the hateful woman, Bellatrix Lestrange, again. He had tried to use an unforgivable on her while at the Department of Mysteries, but he had not succeeded to cause her the pain that she deserved. He wondered what would happen if they ever crossed paths again. He shook his head to clear his negative thoughts as Neville responded to his question.

"Most likely," said Neville. "Gram and I do every year, not that it makes much of a difference…" He sighed heavily as he thought about his parents in St. Mungo's Hospital.

"I am here for you if you ever need to talk about anything… I kind of understand, you know," offered Harry.

Neville smiled, but shook his head sadly. "I wouldn't want to trouble you with my problems, Harry. You have enough to worry about without having to listen to me," said Neville as he shrank his own trunk and placed it in the pocket of his cloak.

"Nonsense, I will always be available to listen if you need me to Neville. I mean it," he said, trying to sound a heartfelt as possible.

"Thanks Harry. That means a lot to me."

Neville reached out and gave the dark haired boy a quick hug. Harry hadn't been expecting it and he stiffened slightly at the other boy's touch. He hoped that Neville hadn't noticed. It bothered him that he still was a little jumpy around other people because intimacy was something he still continued to struggle with. He never received hugs growing up so it always surprised him when people other than his closest friends hugged him.

"Have fun on your ride back. I won't be going to the train station today. Gram arranged it so that I can floo home this time. She has been having some back trouble lately, and she can't make it to King's Cross to pick me up. See ya, Harry," said Neville as he sombrely he left the room.

"See ya, Neville," said Harry.

Harry took one last look around the room, and was satisfied that he had remembered everything. He grabbed his cloak and levitated his trunk behind him.

"Oi, Harry! What's the hold up!" he heard Ron impatiently yell from down stairs.

"Coming!" he shouted back.

He made his way down and found Ron, Ginny, and Hermione all waiting for him. They scrambled through the portrait and made their way through the halls of Hogwarts making idle chit chat with one another. They soon arrived at the front lobby, where they met up with Draco who had been waiting for them. Making their way outside, they were greeted by a series of carriages that would transport them to the train station in Hogsmeade where they would board the train.

Harry stopped momentarily while the others began to clamber in to the first available carriage. He was again shocked by the sight of the Thestrals that were standing between the carriage shafts. Their strange horse-like bodies were covered in black coats that clung to their skeletons since they appeared to be fleshless. Their black leathery wings were tucked neatly on either side of them.

These strange creatures were the ones that had carried him and his friends to the Department of Mysteries that fateful night. It was odd how a beast could be completely horrid and oddly beautiful at the same time.

"Harry?" called Draco to him as he stuck his head out of the carriage looking for him. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah… sorry…" he said as he climbed aboard. Although the others knew that the Thestrals were there, he was still the only one who could see them. Harry had been the only one to witness death, which was somehow necessary to look upon the beasts.

Harry settled into the carriage beside Draco and sighed deeply. Thoughts of the Thestrals had led to thoughts about Sirius, and he was now feeling rather gloomy. He decided to take in the scenery during the short ride to Hogsmeade and hopefully clear his head.

The train ride had been rather uneventful and they had attempted to relieve their boredom by playing several rounds of Exploding Snap. Eventually everyone tired of the game and decided to snooze the rest of the way there. Everyone, that is, except Harry. He didn't want to risk napping and having another dream that would cause him to wake up abruptly and alarm the others. So instead he watched the passing scenery again and thought about Christmas.

Last year was the first true Christmas Harry could ever remember celebrating. When he was younger he had spent most of each Christmas either locked in his cupboard or doing various chores for his relatives. In fact, he had never received a present before coming to Hogwarts, other than something handed down to him by his uncle or fat cousin. So Christmas at Number 12 Grimmauld Place had been a unique experience.

Harry smiled as he remembered how happy Sirius had been then. He had really liked having the house full of people again, and his delight had been quite infectious. Together they had cleaned and decorated most of the house while they listened to Sirius belt out Christmas carols at the top of his lungs. Harry also remembered that Sirius had gotten really sad and depressed about being left alone with Kreacher once school started again. It had felt good to feel wanted around the holiday. He had almost felt like he belonged.

Harry had been really happy then, but he had also felt a little sad as well. The entire time they were there he had been thinking about Mr. Weasley in the hospital. His best friend's father had spent the majority of the holiday in St. Mungo's after being bitten by the snake Voldemort had set on him. The vision Harry had about the incident had saved the man's life, but Harry had always felt a little responsible somehow.

Harry imagined that this Christmas could possibly be even better than last year, and it saddened him that Sirius couldn't be here to spend it with him. But then again, it was _his_ fault that he wasn't here in the first place. That familiar sense of guilt and foreboding set its way into his heart, and he spent the rest of the train ride feeling rather miserable. That is until he saw the beautiful creature beside Harry decide to curl up with him.

Draco had spent most of the trip with his head tilted to one side, with his arms placed across his chest. Apparently he had grown tired of this position and decided to lie down beside Harry. Harry wrapped his arms around him as Draco laid his head on his chest and sighed deeply. Somehow, Draco always seemed to lighten his mood. He smiled down at the blond as he continued to snuggle up with him. The position that Draco was currently in looked rather uncomfortable as his lengthy form was lying at an awkward angle, but he had a pleasant look on his face despite this.

Several hours later they were greeted by Mr. Weasley and the Grangers at King's Cross Station as they got off the train. Mr. Weasley hugged his fellow red haired children before he turned his attention towards Harry and Draco. He reached out to both boys, clapping their shoulders affectionately with his hands. "We're so glad that you will be staying with us for Christmas. Molly has been working tirelessly getting the house ready for you."

"Ready?" asked Harry and Draco simultaneously.

"You'll see," said Arthur with a smile.

Harry greeted the Grangers with an awkward hello, but didn't know what else to say. He did not know them all that well, and he still felt responsible for the injuries Hermione sustained at the Department of Mysteries last year. They smiled at him politely and asked him how he was doing. Harry responded with his usual "fine," and hoped that Hermione had not mentioned anything to them about his past. The less people who knew about his history was all the better.

Hermione and Ron seemed to be taking longer than everyone else to locate their trunks. In fact, it seemed as if they were reluctant to say goodbye. Realizing that they couldn't stall any longer, the two lovebirds said goodbye. Harry grinned madly as Ron and Hermione embraced each other and kissed their farewells. Ron's tall body towered over Hermione's and the scene was almost comical to watch her reach up on her tippy toes to kiss him goodbye. It always filled him with such warmth to see his two best friends together at last after they had secretly pined away for each other for so long.

Hermione then gave Ginny, Harry, and Draco a hug goodbye before following her parents to their car. The rest of the gang looked to Mr. Weasley to find out how they were going to get back to the Burrow.

"I am sure Molly isn't quite ready yet back at the house, so what do you four say to making a shopping trip to Diagon Alley before we head home. I figured you may all need to get a few things for Christmas."

"That sounds great dad, but how are we going to get there. Isn't Diagon Alley on the other side of London?" asked Ron curiously.

"No worries there Ron; I have borrowed a vehicle from the Ministry again. Well, if everyone is all set, we should be on our way."

The four students followed the red haired man towards the Ministry vehicle that was parked on an awkward angle just outside the train station. They piled in and held on for dear life as Mr. Weasley attempted to drive like a proper Muggle across town. Harry and Hermione politely tried to explain the rules of the road and give him a few tips, but it appeared as if the man was simply delighted to be behind the wheel and was heedless to their suggestions.

Thankfully, they arrived in Diagon Alley in one piece. Since they were mainly shopping for each other, they split up and agreed to meet back at the Leaky Cauldron at a set time.

After an exhausting two hour shopping excursion the children finally arrived home to the Burrow. Mr. Weasley had decided to return the car he had borrowed to the Ministry while the children flooed home from the fireplace in the Leaky Cauldron.

Harry stumbled through the Weasley's fireplace and into the kitchen trying not to crash into Ron and Ginny who had gone before him. He was rather dizzy from the journey, and just as he was about to step away from the hearth he felt Draco come through the ashes and plow right into him. The four students fell on to the floor in a heap of limbs and Christmas packages. Each was giggling madly from the lightheadedness and the awkward positions they were in. It looked like they were trying to play a game of twister.

They soon untangled their bodies and set themselves upright, but Harry's vision was still somewhat blurred. He reached up to his face and discovered that his glasses had somehow been knocked off in the process. Just as he was going to turn to locate them, he felt someone place them carefully on his face and kiss him gently on his nose. Draco's pale grey blue eyes came into focus, and Harry smiled. _God he's beautiful, _thought Harry

Ron and Ginny had already gathered up their things and went to go rest on the couch in the living room. Harry and Draco were about to do the same when Molly Weasley came bustling down from up stairs.

"Oh goodness, you are already here…. Well, no matter, I am so glad that you are all home," she said.

The jolly red haired woman had quickly walked passed her own children and enveloped Harry and Draco both in a huge bear hug. She then stood back to look at the two boys properly, and Harry and Draco grinned at her shyly.

"I am so glad that you will be joining us for Christmas this year... you boys know that you should always consider yourselves home here. Right? We will always be here for both of you should you ever need us," said Mrs. Weasley as she hugged them once again.

"Ahem," said Ron clearing his voice. Molly, Draco, and Harry turned to see Ron and Ginny now standing beside one another, their arms crossed, looking playfully annoyed.

"Yes?" asked Molly curiously. Then it dawned on her she had yet to greet her own children. "Oh yes, well I went and forget about you now, didn't I?"

She gave each of her children a hug and a firm kiss on their cheeks, that was promptly rubbed off by their hands. "Welcome home, dears."

"Mum, this place looks great!" commented Ginny as she looked around.

Harry and the others looked around as well and agreed with her completely. This must have been what Mr. Weasley meant by getting the house ready. The place looked spectacular! Harry had never seen the Burrow looking so fabulous. The furniture, although rather old and bore some patches, looked like it had had a good scrubbing and shined as if newly polished. The normal tidy clutter seemed somehow tidier, if that made any sense. Each window and doorway was adorned with boughs of greenery and ribbon, and a sprig of mistletoe hung from the threshold between the living room and the kitchen. Various candles gave each room a soft warm glow, and an evergreen tree sat in one corner of the living room waiting to be decorated. The walls were covered in wreaths and some child like Christmas decorations that Harry could only assume the numerous Weasley children had made over the years. Nine stockings were hung from the fireplace in the living room. There was one for each of the Weasley children, including Percy, and one for Harry and Draco both. The whole house smelled of something that Harry believed to be cinnamon, and there was the faint sound of Christmas music playing. Ron curiously followed the sound and found a Muggle radio in the corner of the living room, playing "Jingle Bell Rock."

"What's this?" asked Ron to his mother.

"That's your fathers doing. He found the radio in his department over at the Ministry and he enchanted it to play Christmas CDs. He thought Harry, and perhaps Hermione if she can join us, would enjoy some Muggle Christmas carols," she replied.

Harry smiled warmly. This was already turning into the perfect Christmas he had always imagined and the holiday at hardly begun. He felt Draco grab his hand and gave it a squeeze. All the gloomy thoughts that had been bothering him since their journey here began had all been forgotten, at least temporarily.

"Now, let's get you settled, and I will start on making us some dinner. I am sure you are all exhausted from your train ride and would appreciate some rest."

The four teenagers followed Molly upstairs to the bedrooms. Harry noticed that many of the pictures that the Weasley's had going up the staircase had been replaced with photos from past Christmases. He wondered if a photo from this year would be added to the collection.

Ginny immediately turned into her room, and found an extra bed beside her own.

"That bed is for Hermione, dear, if she decides to join us," said her mother.

Ginny nodded and went about putting her things away. The boys continued to follow the woman up the twisting staircase and stopped at the twin's old room. Molly turned to Draco and said gently, "I hope you don't mind stay in here. The twins will be staying here on Christmas Eve so you will have to share a room with them."

"Oh, I thought I…" Draco began, but he was quickly cut short.

"I know you would probably rather stay with Ron and Harry, but seeing how you two are… involved…I would feel better about you sleeping in separate rooms. I was young once too, honey," said Mrs. Weasley knowingly.

Draco blushed a deep red at the insinuation and nodded. "Oh, no problem. I have stayed in here before."

Harry, who was equally red with embarrassment, looked at Ron for some help. He didn't want to get into a conversation with his friend's mother about his relationship with Draco.

"Mum, will Harry be staying with me?" asked Ron, changing the subject.

"Hmmm? Oh, yes. I thought that would be best since Charlie and Bill will be staying in Percy's old room. Well, I guess it was really their room first, but…" Her voice dropped off as she thought about the son who had disowned his family. It was a painful subject for everyone, but especially for Molly who had once adored Percy's ambition. It now seemed as if that ambition had clouded his judgment.

Harry and Ron raced the rest of the way upstairs and opened the door to the last bedroom. Ron's room had also been carefully decorated for the festive season. They sat down heavily on the twin beds that lay parallel to one another and let out a grunt of exhaustion. Before they knew it, they were both fast asleep.

Harry woke a short time later to the smell of something delicious cooking. Molly must have already made dinner. Glancing around the room Harry noticed that

Mrs. Weasley had enlarged their trunks, which Mr. Weasley had shrunken earlier, and set them in front of each of their beds. He woke up Ron, who was rather irritated from being jerked from his restful sleep, and they made their way downstairs and found Ron's parents in the kitchen. They seemed to be in good spirits and were laughing at the conversation they were having. Draco and Ginny soon followed them down, and everyone sat around the table making light conversation while they waited for dinner.

Harry looked up at Mrs. Weasley hesitantly and asked, "Can I help you with something? I can help cook or set the table or something. " The other three looked at him horrified at the thought of doing any chore willingly.

"Oh no dear, that isn't necessary," she replied softly.

"Please? I would like to help," said Harry earnestly.

"Alright then, why don't you set out the plates and the silverware," said Molly gratefully.

Harry set to work being careful that he didn't drop anything. For once it felt nice to work in the kitchen. He had spent years as a slave in his own relatives' house being forced to do every menial chore. Now he could choose to do chores out of kindness towards the woman he had grown to love. He felt oddly like he was part of the family and his heart was filled with warmth.

The next few days passed relatively slowly. Harry was grateful that for the first time in his life, he was able to truly relax. Mrs. Weasley even allowed the boys to sleep in a bit as long as they helped keep the house tidy.

Mostly the boys practiced their Quidditch skills. They seemed to be outdoors more often than indoors. There had been numerous snow ball fights already and the boys made a giant snow man just outside the kitchen window. To any other teenager their age, it may have seemed childish, but to Harry and Draco these experiences were readily welcomed. Harry had never been allowed to play freely like this and Draco was strictly forbidden to do anything considered childish.

Harry had also spent an entire afternoon helping Molly Weasley bake Christmas cookies for all the guests that would be arriving soon. It was something he had always imagined he and his own mother doing together if she were still alive, and he jumped at the opportunity to make himself useful. He simply adored Ron's mother and it was one of the best afternoons he had ever spent with someone. He felt loved unconditionally in this household and he felt himself opening up more and more to the others. He laughed more easily and hugged more readily, and was generally happy-go-lucky. Nothing it _seemed_ could spoil his mood or ruin this holiday.

Harry and the others decorated the bare Christmas tree late one evening, and he was again amazed at the sheer beauty of something so simple. Although Mr. Weasley had enchanted the Christmas lights to twinkle, the tree seemed to have a magic all its own. It embodied the spirit of Christmas in Harry's mind, much like the invitation had. They each had run about the house locating their presents for each other and stacked them under the tree, where they would wait to be opened on Christmas morning.

Later that night, after the others went to bed, Harry found himself lying beside Draco on the floor in front of the tree and fireplace. The glowing flames illuminated each other's face softly and added to the warm atmosphere. They had just finished sipping hot chocolate with whipped cream, were now lying side by side staring up at the twinkling Christmas tree, their arms folded behind their heads. The lights shimmered like the stars in the night sky and illuminated the various baubles and ornaments that adorned the tree. Harry was happier than he had been in a long time.

"Are you glad we came here, Draco?" asked Harry.

Draco looked at him knowingly and smiled. "Yeah, I wouldn't admit this to Ron, but I love being here. It feels like home somehow, even though I know it's not mine."

"I know what you mean," said Harry sighing. "This is how I always imagined Christmas would be. I hope that I have a family like this when I am older so that Christmas can always be like this."

"You want a family…. like with children?" asked Draco curiously.

"Oh yeah… well… I did, but that doesn't seem like a possibility anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, because I'm gay," said Harry like it was obvious.

"Harry, just because you are gay doesn't mean that you can't have children. There is always adoption, and male wizards can become pregnant, but it is pretty rare and rather complicated."

"Really?" asked Harry hopefully.

"Sure, but we don't have to worry about all that until we are married," said Draco staring back at the tree.

"Married? You want to marry _me_?" asked Harry incredulously. He rose up on his elbows and looked at the blond lying beside him.

"Of course I do. Haven't you thought about it? I mean we are soul mates after all, and I love you more than life itself. It's only natural that we should get married some day," said Draco smiling up at Harry.

Harry got a little teary eyed at the notion that anyone could love him enough to want to commit to something as sacred as marriage. "You don't know how happy it makes me to hear you talk like that," said Harry. His emerald green eyes sparkled in the fire light.

"Well good, Harry, 'cause I mean it," said Draco. He sat up and captured Harry's lips in chaste kiss. His pale blue eyes looked deeply into Harry's green ones, and he used his hand to lightly trace his fingers to trace along the side of Harry's face. He could sense the longing in Draco's eyes, and so he leaned forward and caught the other boy's lips in a passionate kiss.

Responding to Harry's initiation, Draco positioned himself over him and lowered the boy back to the floor. He then proceeded to kiss him deeply expressing how much he loved and wanted him with his hungry mouth. He then turned his lips to kissing his neck and nibbling at his ears. His hands began to explore Harry's body over his clothing, and Harry arched his back while moaning with pleasure. He was sure that this is what he wanted, and he definitely wanted more. Harry felt himself harden with each passing touch.

Draco took a risk and tried to gently undo Harry's pants so that he gain better access to him, since he was responding to everything else that Draco was doing.

Harry hadn't really been aware of anything until he had suddenly he heard that sound, the one that triggered a myriad of emotions. _Zip_… For reasons beyond his understanding that simple sound was somehow connected to Uncle Vernon in his shattered mind. As hard as he tried, he could not will away those awful memories. Harry knew that he shouldn't be scared because this is what he wanted to do with Draco, but the emotions came nonetheless.

_No...no…please don't hurt me._

Draco sensed Harry trembling and quickly stopped what he was doing without a word. He lay down beside him and gathered the shaking boy in his arms and spooned him with his legs. Harry felt as if Draco was trying to smother him with his love. He kissed Harry softly on his head, and whispered, "Shhh… Harry, it's alright. It's just me, Draco. Okay? I love you, don't be scared."

Harry lay there a long while in Draco's arms while mentally kicking himself for reacting the way he did once again. He hated how his emotions interfered with his relationship with Draco, and he felt rather guilty after all the love and patience his boyfriend had shown in him these last few months.

"I'm sorry," he said softly.

"Don't be sorry. It's okay, Harry. You have a long way to go until you start to feel comfortable with that kind of intimacy. I don't mind. I love you too much, okay?"

Harry nodded mutely. After a long while he realized that he still wanted Draco on some level. He turned around his arms and faced the blond haired boy.

"I love you," said Harry.

"I love you, too," said Draco.

Harry leaned in for another kiss, this time it was soft and slow. They lay there a long time kissing one another and cuddling beneath the Christmas tree. Harry knew that in time he would heal enough to allow Draco to become more intimate with him, but for now he was simply happy to feel loved. It was the most exhilarating and intoxicating feeling in the world, and he prayed that it would _never_ end.

A/N: There you go, another chapter done. I hope you all liked it. It was supposed to be shorter, but I got carried away again. Damn muse won't leave me alone! Sorry about all the changes in scene, but I didn't see how else to write all this. The Christmas tree scene is taken from my life. I have a thing about making out under the Christmas tree with my husband. It's so romantic! This chappie was so supposed to be the lovely, happy, fluffy one that I had mentioned earlier, but it got a little angsty. Was it fluffy enough? By the way, there was a teensy bit of foreshadowing in here about Christmas and also the HD relationship. Any guesses what is going to happen?

Many thanks to all my reviewers and readers! And let's have a big round of applause for my beta, Drae….author claps oddly all by herself waiting for others to join in, shrugs sheepishly and slips away


	12. Christmas Celebrations

A/N: In the following dream/memory, some of the dialogue is taken directly from Book 4, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, since I am trying to be as accurate as possible with Sirius's memories. (Disclaimer- I do not own the rights to that book… blah, blah, blah… yada, yada, yada). I have taken some liberty of changing the scene slightly to take in account Sirius's perspective and emotions. I hope that it is not too confusing. Remember, Harry is reliving these memories as Sirius, so he has to interact with himself at times. It's rather hard to write and I hope I have done a good job. In some ways Harry feels the emotion that Sirius would have felt then, but he also is able to interpret the memory in his own way and have his own feelings about what is going on. Does that make sense?

**Chapter 12- Christmas Celebrations**

_Harry found himself sitting in one of the mahogany chairs that surrounded the large desk in Dumbledore's office. His chest was gripped with fear and the longer he waited the more likely it seemed that something awful had truly happened. The walls were adorned with several paintings of the previous headmasters of Hogwarts, and they were currently whispering to one another, frantically spreading gossip about the events that had taken place recently. No longer able to stand their incessant whispering, he soon found himself begging the paintings for any bit of information that they could provide. News traveled fast through these magical oil canvasses, and he hoped to find out what had happened only hours ago._

"_What's going on… I need to know… please," he begged one painting in particular._

_Phineas Nigellus turned to him as if just now discovering he was in the room and gave him a sad smile, "Young master Black, how are you doing?" he questioned._

"_I'm not doing well at all Phineas… I need to know what happened to my godson… please tell me what you know," he implored of Sirius's great-great-grandfather and former Hogwarts headmaster. Harry suddenly realized that this memory must be about what happened during the third task of the Tri-Wizard Tournament._

"_All I can say is that Harry Potter has returned, although from where I cannot begin to guess. We know for sure that his classmate, Diggory... I think, is dead, but we are not sure about the condition Harry is in."_

"_What… what do you mean?" he asked nervously._

"_Well, people don't often survive that kind of thing. Goodness… look what happened to the Diggory boy. God knows what unspeakable things happened to those poor boys once they disappeared," the oil painting replied casually._

"_You don't mean that Harry could be dead as well, do you?" he asked. His heart was pounding with anticipation. He dreaded what he would hear next._

"_We believe that he was found alive when he returned, but that doesn't mean much. Many people have died even days after being placed under torture so we really can't say for sure," said the Phineas matter-of-factly._

_Torture….Harry… dead…. It was all too much to take. He felt like he was on the verge of a panic attack waiting to find out what had really happened. Throwing caution to the wind, he rose from his seat and decided to search every room in this castle until he found his godson. He didn't care that he could be captured and taken to prison again as long as he knew that the small boy would be okay._

_Suddenly, the door to the office opened and Harry noted that a younger version of himself limped into the room followed by Professor Dumbledore. In one swift motion, he crossed the room to him. "Harry, are you all right? I knew it - I knew something like this - what happened?"_

_His hands shook as he helped the other Harry into a chair in front of the desk. Harry, living through Sirius's memories of that god awful night, watched himself in reverie. He hadn't realized until now just how haunted and traumatized he had been that night. His clothes were filthy with dirt and blood, and his own emerald green eyes were filled with despair. Not having the luxury of interacting with himself the way he wanted to, he was confined to reliving the moment through Sirius's actions. _

"_What happened?" he felt himself ask, more urgently. He listened as Dumbledore relayed the information obtained form Barty Crouch, growing more and more worried with each passing detail. Finally, the time came when Harry knew that his other self would have to relive the events that took place at the graveyard. He wished he could prevent it from happening again, because it wasn't a memory he wished to relive even if it was from a different perspective._

_"I need to know what happened after you touched the Portkey in the maze, Harry," said Dumbledore._

"_We can leave that 'til morning can't we, Dumbledore?" he said harshly. He felt himself place a hand on the other Harry's shoulder. "Let him have a sleep. Let him rest."_

_Dumbledore instead expressed the concern that postponing the moment in which he had to think about that night would not numb the pain in anyway. No, it was better to get it done and over with. He listened quietly as the young Harry before him retold the nightmarish tale of that horrid night. Once or twice, he made a noise as though about to say something, his hand tight on the boy's shoulder, but Dumbledore raised a hand to stop him. In some way the headmaster knew that the fourteen year old Harry before him needed to tell his tale without interruption. It was already too difficult to say without the interference of his godfather. Harry, as Sirius, listened carefully to himself with a heavy heart. He wished in some way he could have prevented any of this from happening, but knew that it was impossible._

_He listened as his younger self came to the part of the tale in which the priori incantum took place. "An old man," the younger Harry said. "Bertha Jorkins, and..." he looked as if he would not be able to continue. His eyes filled with unshed tears._

"_Your parents?" said Dumbledore quietly._

"_Yes," said the young Harry._

_Harry tightened his grip on the younger boy's shoulder in front, and he remembered how painfully tight that grip had been. He tried to ease up, but his actions were controlled by Sirius's actions in the past. He listened to the last part of the tale in which his parents had spoken to him, and at one point it looked as if the Harry before him could no longer continue, which was just fine because he didn't think he could take much more._

_After hearing the tragic tale, he placed his face in his hands in great sorrow. He could feel not only the despair as it was recounted through Sirius's memory, but also his own sadness as he reflected on the death of Cedric, the rise of Voldemort, and witnessing the shadowy echoes of his long dead parents. That night had been truly horrible, and it had been the first time he could ever remember really seeing his parents. It was sad and painful memory, one he would not forget from either perspective._

Harry suddenly awoke with his own hands covering his face, tears streaming down with silent tears. These memories were becoming more and more real especially now that he had begun seeing himself in each one. He wiped away the tears and took a glance at the alarm clock. It was still fairly early in the morning and Ron was snoring softly in the other bed. Harry knew that he would not be able to get back to sleep so he crept softly out of the room and downstairs.

For a long time, he just sat before the window staring at the snow-covered landscape. He brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them to try to maintain some sort of warmth. He didn't have a clue as to what to do about these strange dreams, and he felt for certain that they were not just going to go away. He knew deep down that eventually he would have to tell someone besides Draco about them so that he could get some help. He was afraid however, that people would go back to treating him like a fragile egg that was about to break. He had just started to gain some sort of normalcy in his life when all this began.

In some ways he still felt like he was going crazy, but a part of him knew that his sanity couldn't be in question. There was no way he could have known about some of the things he was dreaming and yet he dreamt them as clear as day. The more he pondered about that thought he realized that Sirius had never told him about his conversation with Phineas Nigellus in Dumbledore's office that night. How could he have known about it? Where were these memories coming from?

Harry decided to fix himself a cup of tea just as the sun had begun to break over the horizon. He brought his cup over to the window where he had sat thinking for so long. The colors displayed as the sun rose over the snow-covered hills were mesmerizing. It had turned out to be a breathtakingly beautiful Christmas morning.

Not knowing what else to do with his time alone this morning, Harry decided to begin making breakfast for the others. He figured that the Weasleys might be early risers on Christmas morning, like most families, and that Molly would be relieved not to have to cook another meal for her large family. Harry smiled as he began to cook. He had remembered Mrs. Weasley mentioning that they always had pancakes and bacon for Christmas breakfast, and he gathered the ingredients he would need. Mrs. Weasley was capable of doing everything with magic, but since Harry didn't know a lot of domestic charms, he decided to do the cooking the old fashioned Muggle way.

He had cooked breakfast for many years for his own relatives, but it had never been out of pleasure or love. He had truly feared what would happen to him if he had burnt their breakfasts each morning, and he had suffered the wrath of his uncle on several occasions for not doing the job properly. He had learned quickly how to prepare a decent meal so that he wouldn't have to endure the consequences.

But here, in the Weasley household, he felt no such fear. In fact, he felt slightly unencumbered and giddy about being able to surprise the others. He had just begun to set the table when he heard Ron come plodding down the stairs. Harry suspected the smells of the morning meal may have awoken him. He watched as the red head peeked around the corner curiously.

"Harry, wh-what are you doin'?" he asked lamely rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

Harry rolled in his eyes as he turned over one of the pancakes with the spatula. "What's it look like I'm doin', dimwit?"

"Making breakfast?" said Ron looking thoroughly confused.

"Uh… yeah," he said sarcastically. He smiled at his friend's disbelief.

"Why?" asked Ron curiously as he grabbed a rasher of bacon.

"Because… I wanted to do something nice for you all. Okay?"

"Oh…. You didn't have to do that. Oh no…." said Ron looking truly distraught as he just realized something.

"What?" asked Harry seriously.

"Mum is going to love you more than the rest of us now. Just great…" said Ron grinning madly.

Harry laughed at his friend's teasing and pushed him slightly in jest. Ron then left the kitchen to go check out the presents under the tree while Harry finished putting the food out on the table. The excitement of Christmas morning was too overwhelming for him. Ron was in some ways a really big kid, and it was always fun to watch him at Christmas time. Ron located his stocking from the nine lined up across the mantle and excitedly began to rifle through the many items. Inside he found a variety candy, including Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans, a Satsuma, 5 Knuts, and some Wizard trading cards that the boy secretly still collected.

Harry rinsed the cookware he had been using after he had finished cleaning up a bit. As he dried his hands, Harry watched his friend as he looked through his trading cards looking for the ones he was missing in his collection. Soon the other Weasleys and Draco began coming down the stairs, each one still clad in their pajamas, robes, and slippers. They all looked utterly amazed at the spread on the kitchen table. Mrs. Weasley had been surprised by Harry's kind gesture at making breakfast for everyone, and enveloped him in a big hug as her eyes got all watery. Apparently, no one had ever thought to do that for her before.

They all gathered at the kitchen table and tucked in. It took some convincing to call Ron over as he was still shaking the presents under the tree. He was somewhat irritated that they were eating first before opening presents, as it was somewhat unusual, but Mrs. Weasley insisted that the presents could wait and that they should enjoy Harry's breakfast first. They were highly appreciative of Harry's thoughtful gesture, and everyone commented on how lovely the meal was.

Once they were all thoroughly full, they retired to the living room where they began to sort through their stockings and open their presents. Harry, Ron, Draco, and Ginny each got a hand knitted sweater and a tin of homemade treats from Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. Harry had bought Hermione and Ginny silver charm bracelets, but he would have owl Hermione's to her if she couldn't come to dinner tonight. Ginny was absolutely ecstatic about hers having never owned something so pretty. He got Ron some practice Bludgers, and a woolen hat and mittens for Mrs. Weasley. For Mr. Weasley, he got small electronic game that ran on batteries since the man had an odd fascination for such Muggle contraptions. The oldest Weasley couldn't get over the fact that Muggles had created moving pictures without the use of magic, and it was an effort to get him to put his new toy down. Harry had gratefully received a Quidditch Monthly magazine subscription from Ron and Ginny, and he spent a good deal of the morning reading over many of the tips on executing dangerous maneuvers and articles about famous players and teams.

Harry and Draco waited to exchange gifts with each other until the room had cleared up a bit because their gifts were rather personal. Each held their carefully wrapped packages wondering who should open theirs first. Finally they decided to open them at the same time.

Excitedly Harry quickly ripped of the wrapping paper to discover a silver picture frame with a picture of himself and Draco sitting beside the lake together. Although it was a wizarding photograph, meaning that the pictures could move, it had been developed in black and white rather than the usual color photographs. Harry realized that Draco had must have coerced Colin to take the photo without Harry knowing about it. The picture was a candid moment in which Harry was sitting back against Draco on a rock near their favorite spot. Draco's arms were wrapped tightly around Harry pulling him back against his body so that his head was propped up against Draco's shoulder. The blonde's head rested softly sideways on top of Harry's dark hair. Although he had not known his picture was being taken, they both wore soft grins on their faces as they looked out across the water. Occasionally they would look up into each other's eyes and Draco would kiss him softly on the forehead. The fact that it was developed in black and white made the picture feel timeless and added to their strikingly different features. Draco's pale hair contrasted nicely against Harry's dark mop.

He looked up from the precious photograph into Draco's eyes and was at a loss for words. Draco looked worried. "I know it's not much, but…"

Harry didn't even allow him to finish the sentence before he had captured his lips in a kiss. "It's perfect," he said, kissing him again. "Thank you."

Draco smiled deeply and looked down at the small unopened box in front of him. He gently lifted the lid and peeked inside.

"Oh, Harry…." he said taking the silver ring out of the box. The ring was covered an intricate design, much like the necklace Draco had given him on his birthday. A dragon wrapped around the entire length of the thin ring and contained one tiny emerald green eye.

"I hope you like it. It reminded me of the necklace you gave me and I wanted you to have it."

"You shouldn't have. Harry, this must have been expensive?" said the blond amazed at the ring's beauty. Harry laughed inwardly remembering how stuck up and snobbish Draco had been all through Hogwarts. Now that he was virtually penniless his perspective had changed entirely when it concerned matters concerning money.

"Shhh… I said I wanted you to have it. Do you like it?" Harry asked cocking his head to the side.

"Of course I do. It's perfect," said Draco as he slipped onto the ring finger on his left hand. Harry had watched curiously to see what finger he had put the ring on and was touched that he put it on the one finger that was so symbolic. "I love you," said Draco.

"I love you, too," said Harry looking deep into his boyfriend's pale eyes.

"Would ya cut it out already? You're going to make me lose my breakfast!" whined Ron who had been watching from afar. Harry and Draco looked up at him laughing and knew from the smile on Ron's face that he was happy for them.

Harry slipped another quick kiss on Draco's lips as he rose from the floor. There was still much that would happen on this festive day so Harry decided to head up to the shower. He hoped that any lingering thoughts of Sirius would disappear when he drowned himself in a much needed hot shower.

Harry thought for certain that Christmas was going to be hard this year after the loss of his godfather and the strange dream last night, but he soon found that he had many distractions. Christmas seemed to have come rather quickly and with its impending arrival came the rest of the Weasley clan and their guests. They seemed to pop in all day long. First came Fred and George, whose arrival was met with much noise and excitement. Immediately conversations about Quidditch and new products available at their joke shop were flying left and right. It was hard to feel gloomy around these jovial beings, and Harry felt himself get carried away in the excited discussions.

Later that day, Charlie and Bill arrived. Harry found both of Ron's oldest brothers to be rather fascinating. They led quite interesting lives and he enjoyed hearing about their adventures. Charlie who was the second oldest, arrived at the Burrow first. His entrance was loud and obtrusive. Draco had been walking from the kitchen to the living room carrying a plate of homemade cookies for the twins, when Charlie came busting in the door shaking the snow off his head in the process.

Draco got the scare of his life seeing another red head come rushing in like that. "Ahh! Another one! Do they like, clone the Weasleys or something?" He asked looking at Harry seriously. Harry chuckled as he turned back to the game he was playing with the twins.

"Hey everyone, when's dinner mum?" he asked, his good-natured face smiling broadly. He hung up his cloak beside the door and went in search of his mother.

Charlie was much more like the twins in his build than the rest of the Weasleys. He was shorter and stockier than Ron and Percy, and was rather strong looking from his years of working with dragons in Romania.

Bill arrived shortly afterward, but his entrance was much more subdued. He had simply flooed over and casually walked out of the fire place dusting off the soot. Harry wished he could floo that easily. Bill was no longer working in Egypt, but had still been working for Gringott's in London so that he could continue to work for the Order. Although he occasionally lived at home now and again, his work caused him to travel quite a bit so he was rarely seen. Ron had long speculated that Bill was doing so reconnaissance work for Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix, but that it was strictly hush-hush. No one really knew for sure.

Bill found his mother and father talking to Charlie quietly in the kitchen. Molly rose to greet him, but clicked her tongue sadly as she took in her son's appearance once again.

"I know long hair and earrings used to be the fashion, dear, but I believe that you are in serious need of a haircut. Why don't you just let me get out my scissors and I…."

"No, thanks, mum. I'm fine," said Bill as he shoved a cookie into his mouth. The tall red haired man approached Harry and the others who were taking turns playing Chess and Exploding Snap in the living room to pass the time.

"Hey Harry, Draco," he said nodding to them both through a mouthful of cookie. In some ways Bill reminded Harry of a cooler version or Ron. "How are you?" Bill asked curiously.

"Fine," said Harry quickly as he looked away. Bill had been there last summer when the others discovered what had happened to him at the Dursleys'. He hated the fact that so many people knew about his past. It made him uncomfortable to know that even Bill knew some of his deep dark secrets, and he hoped that he wouldn't bring up his past.

"Doin' pretty good," replied Draco. "How has work been going for you? Anything interesting happening?" Draco was just as curious about Bill as Harry was and had developed a fascination for Ron's oldest brother's career.

"Nothing I can really talk about," said Bill with a smile. He sat down across from them and lounged back into the comfortable old couch and watched the other's playing their games.

Soon it began to grow dark and smells of Christmas dinner wafted through the air. Everyone was growing hungry and stomachs growled and mouths salivated as the delicious aromas from the kitchen enticed them. Ron and Draco tried to sneak into the kitchen when Mrs. Weasley had her back turned and tried to steal a bite to eat. Caught in the act, they were scolded and shooed out of the kitchen. The Weasley clan all moaned and whined as they were reminded once again that they had to wait for the rest of their guests to arrive.

As if on cue, someone flooed into the kitchen fireplace and stepped out and greeted the others. "Hi, everyone, I hope that you don't mind that I dropped by."

"Hermione!" yelled Ron as he ran across the room and enveloped her in a hug. He twirled her about the kitchen placing little kisses on her face. "You came, you came, you came."

"Yes! Now put me down Ronald Weasley," she ordered playfully.

"I thought you wouldn't be able to make it," he said.

"So did I, but thankfully my grandmother always has Christmas dinner painfully early so I was able to floo over here once I was done making my pleasantries there," Hermione explained.

"I am so glad you are here," said Ron. "I missed you."

"I missed you too," said Hermione. Before she could greet the others Ron was dragging her through to the living room where they could exchange their gifts to one another. Being the impatient person that Ron was, he couldn't wait to exchange gifts after dinner like everyone else.

Harry gave her a shy wave as she was led away from the rest of them. He also noticed that Ginny was looking a little gloomy in the corner of the living room. She had owled Neville earlier that day and he confirmed that he would not be able to come to dinner this evening. She watched disappointedly as Ron and Harry interacted with their significant others. Ginny was never really good at hiding her jealousy, and Harry gave her a sad smile.

Soon Remus and Snape arrived having flooed over from Hogwarts directly. It appeared as if Remus had convinced Snape to come and the Potions master spent a good deal of the evening mumbling under his breath about, "That confounding werewolf forcing me to come here… perfectly fine on my own… red heads everywhere…."

Remus merely smiled at his difficult co-worker and was determined, like the others, to kill Snape with utter kindness. It seemed to make him little more irritated and uncomfortable then before, and set the normally controlled man severely off balance.

Remus greeted Harry warmly and placed a loving hand on top of his head and let it slide down to his cheek. For once, Harry didn't flinch at the touch. "Happy Christmas, Harry."

"Happy Christmas, Prof- Remus," said Harry smiling. Harry was grateful to the Weasleys for having invited the professor to Christmas dinner. Harry now thought of the man as family, and although he couldn't ever replace Sirius, he was thankful to have the man in his life. He was sure that Remus appreciated the invitation as well seeing how he doesn't really have any family either. Holidays must be equally difficult on him, especially after the loss of his best friend.

"I need to talk to you later privately. I have a gift for you and some things to discuss." Harry nodded his head in understanding. "How are you doing? Are you sleeping well?"

Harry looked away knowing that he couldn't lie to the man he had already opened up to so much. He tried to think of something to say, but he was at a loss for words. "I will take that as a no. We'll talk about it later. For now, let's enjoy ourselves," said Remus.

"Yeah," said Harry smiling. He looked around and found Draco watching him with a smile as well. Draco knew how important Remus was in Harry's life and he had been encouraging him to let the man into his life. Snape was standing close to his godson trying to engage him in a conversation about a potion he was creating, the only thing he really enjoyed talking about, but Draco was only half listening.

Harry noticed that Molly had been looking out the window for the majority of the evening with great sadness in her eyes. Although she loved having almost all of her family home with her this year, there was still one person missing from this glorious occasion. Her beloved son, Percy, had chosen to side against his family and said many hateful things. She had been so hurt when she learned of the letter he had written Ron and when he sent back his Christmas gift last year. Harry was surprised that she had even hung his stocking up again this year. Harry knew that deep down she wished that her once prized son would return home. He wasn't sure how he felt about all that, especially since Percy had tried to convince Ron to stay away from him.

The noise level had grown considerably after each person's arrival and the Burrow had quite a party started. Christmas music and laughter filled the room as they sipped their spirits. Finally, the time had come for everyone to sit down to Christmas dinner. Harry had been wondering how they were all going to fit in the tiny kitchen, and he had thought that Mr. Weasley would just simply extend the room to accommodate everyone much like he had with the rest of the top heavy little house. Harry soon discovered that he had been completely wrong.

"Come along now, right this way," motioned Arthur to the others as he led them outside the Burrow.

Harry was now thoroughly confused and wondered for a moment if they should all go back and get their outer cloaks. The sight that met him was not what he had been expecting. It was dark outside and the temperature should have been freezing, but Harry felt as warm as he would on a summer day. A large table had been placed just outside the Burrow, and was set with a long white table cloth, red napkins, beautiful ornate dishes and goblets, two candelabras, and sprigs of holly that had been placed just so. The nighttime atmosphere was softly illuminated by the glow from the candles and waning gibbous moon above them. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and the stars twinkled merrily as they looked down at the festivities below them.

Upon closer examination, Harry realized that the table and the pathway from the Burrow out here had been enchanted to keep everyone warm. A bubble of sorts could be just barely seen keeping the warmth that had been created in, and the cold crisp night air out. It seemed so surreal to be dining in the middle of the yard amongst the snow-covered landscape.

"Whoa," said Harry as he took in the sight before him. It reminded him vaguely of the Great Hall at Hogwarts which had a ceiling that was enchanted to reflect the sky outside, but this obviously, was a million times better.

"Whoa is right," said Draco. "I have never seen anything like it."

Later, Harry discovered that Molly Weasley had inherited the china when she was very young and they had never had the heart to sell the expensive set of dishes even during the hardest of times. Apparently the Weasleys had been dining like this on Christmas as long as any of them could remember. It had become something of a tradition and a long kept secret until now. On this night, whenever possible, the entire Weasley family dined like kings under the night sky. Thirteen people in all made their way to the table and took their seats. Within minutes the entire table was filled with the delicious foods that Mrs. Weasley had been preparing all day. It had appeared much like the way the meals did at Hogwarts. There was roasted turkey, a large ham, parsnips, breads, sweet potatoes, various dressings and gravy, mashed potatoes, a myriad of vegetables, pumpkin juice, wine and ale, Christmas pudding, and an assortment of cakes and pies. It was a meal like no other.

With dinner came many excited conversations as the Weasleys caught up with one another on what was going on in their lives. Laughter was commonplace at any Weasley table, but tonight seemed especially merry. The atmosphere had everyone in a rather joyful mood and even Snape seemed to be having difficulty maintaining his composure. The poor man was so out of place it was funny. He tried sticking to serious topics while talking briefly with Remus and Draco, but he couldn't keep himself from overhearing the loud conversations at the other end of the table as the Weasleys remembered embarrassing stories about one another growing up. At one point, Harry swore that he had seen Snape snicker at a fine comment, but the Potions master looked away determinedly. Draco merely shrugged at Harry in amusement. He was used to his godfather's odd behavior, but made sure that the man didn't stay in his normal sullen stupor by asking him a thousand annoying questions about anything and everything.

Reflecting back on that enchanted evening, Harry swore that they must have dined outside for nearly three hours before the conversations died down tiredly and everyone was completely full from third and fourth helpings. They all decided to retire back into the Burrow where they could lie about, groaning about how they would surely die from eating too much.

Now that dinner was over, the Weasleys began to open the presents again now that the rest of the family had joined them. There was wrapping paper literally covering every square foot of the floor as the redheaded clan liked to throw the sparkly paper about in an attempt to open their gifts the fastest. Everyone _oohed_ and _ahhed_ as each gift was opened. Draco was currently flipping through the pages of the book Snape had given him about defensive spells. The blond had developed a keen interest in the subject of Defense Against the Dark Arts since using the soul mate spell that protected Harry from dying on Halloween. He had been begging his godfather, who was always keen on obtaining the DADA position anyway, to teach him more about how he could defend himself. Harry was sipping eggnog beside Draco in front of the fire enjoying himself immensely when he was approached by Remus.

"Hey, Harry can I talk to you now?" asked the graying man.

"Sure," said Harry politely. He set his mug down beside Draco and began to follow Remus to the kitchen. Remus motioned Harry to sit down when they were interrupted by Snape.

"Lupin if you don't mind, I would like to speak to Mr. Potter first. I need to be on my way soon so I hope you do not mind terribly," said Snape rather quickly.

"Well, actually I wanted to…" Remus began looking at Harry's confused face.

"Listen Lupin, I don't have all night. Just let me speak to Potter privately. It won't take more than a few minutes," said Snape sounded somewhat irritated.

"Well, I guess," said Remus sounding rather put our. "Is that okay with you Harry?'

"Yeah," said Harry nodding his head.

He was completely bewildered as to the reason why Snape would need to speak with him privately, but he waited quietly nonetheless. Remus left the room and joined the others who were still opening gifts. Harry watched as Snape sat down across from him. He set his palms down on the front of the table as if he were bracing himself for what he was about to say, and looked outside at the falling snow. His obsidian eyes had a far away dreamy look that was unsettling on a man who was usually maintained a stoic glare. While the professor collected his thoughts momentarily, Harry noticed something under his sleeve. It seemed as if Snape was now a wearing leather arm band on his left arm. It was secured firmly with several intricate buckles and leather straps. Upon closer inspection, Harry saw what appeared to be surgical gauze sticking out a fraction of an inch from under the arm band.

"Sir?" asked Harry.

"What? I am sorry. I was lost in thought for a moment. Please excuse my behavior…."

Harry interrupted the man out of curiosity. "Sir, how is your arm?"

Snape looked at him oddly and then realized that he was hinting at his Dark Mark and how Voldemort had been torturing him through it. He unconsciously grabbed his left arm with his right hand, but winced in pain as he gripped it too tightly. "If you must know, the Dark Mark has been removed…." said Snape absentmindedly.

"Really? How?"

Snape sighed deeply in frustration. Apparently this was not going according to his plan. "Pomfrey has removed the tattoo, but unfortunately she had to take a good chunk of my arm in the process. Unfortunately, I am somewhat disfigured now, which is why I wear this leather arm band."

"So Voldemort can't touch you now? You're free?"

"I guess you can say that," said Snape with a smirk on his face.

"That's great. Draco has been so worried about you," said Harry honestly.

"Yes, I know. He is a good boy," said the dark man, more to himself than to the small boy across from him. There was another few moments of silence and Harry caught Remus looking their way again.

"Sir? Was there something you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Hmmm… oh yes. Actually I have something to give you?" Snape reached into his robes and pulled out an old leather journal and placed on the table in front of Harry. Harry looked at his professor and then at the book feeling rather confused. Why would Snape give him something? Was this a Christmas present? What was it?

Snape saw Harry's confusion and reached across the table and turned the cover over so that Harry could see what was inscribed on the first page.

_Defense Against the Dark Arts__Research and Notes__By Lily Evans Potter__My hope is that one day my research will be invaluable_ _in defeating the Dark Lord. The ancient texts hold many answers_ _to our questions and we are only now realizing how important this_ _ancient magic can be. Let the light prevail!_

Seeing his mother's handwriting for the first time, Harry reached out gingerly and fingered the words on the page hoping to somehow feel his mother there too. He then looked up at Snape quizzically.

"You mother's research has been in my possession for a very long time. I found it amongst the rubble when the house in Godric's Hollow was destroyed. Lily had a brilliant mind, and she did extensive research into finding ways to resist the unforgivable curses. It was one of the reasons why your parents had to go in hiding and use a secret keeper.Voldemort did not want anyone learning of a way to stop his progression into power. She was unable to complete her research because of her untimely death, but I kept her journal in hopes that myself or someone else could continue to explore what she had begun."

"My mum?" Harry said softly.

He had always been told about his father, but he had little information about his mother and he was amazed at the dangerous research she had been conducting. He had always assumed that it was because of his father that they had to go into hiding, but it now seemed that his mother was equally responsible for their fate.

"She was a remarkable woman…" said Snape. He got a far away look in his eyes once again.

"Sir? You cared for my mother didn't you?" Harry wondered aloud.

"Yes, I did. But I made some mistakes in my past… and well, she chose the better man. Didn't she?" Harry was at a loss as to what to say about that. He looked at the Potions master in amazement that he was being so open with him.

"Turn to the page that I have bookmarked," said Snape turning his attention back to the boy in front of him.

Harry did as he said and found the spell that Draco had used to protect him on Halloween night… _Solara Amicus._

"This is the spell…." Harry began.

"Yes, I am the one who told him about your mother's research when he came to me worried about you. Look at what is written at the bottom there."

_October 31, 1996-_ _Draco Xavier Malfoy successfully used the Solara Amicus spell to save his soul mate Harry James Potter from the killing curse cast by the Dark Lord himself. Both boys entered a coma like state while their souls crossed the threshold into Limbo, where they had to come to terms with had happened in their lives and choose to live once again. Both Malfoy and Potter soul's returned to their bodies, and they are now leading productive lives.  
- Severus Snape, Potion's Master of Hogwarts_ _School_ _of Witchcraft and Wizardry_

Harry stared in awe as he realized that he had now become a part of his mother's research, and how once again his mother had effectively found a way to save his life. He was eternally grateful for the gift.

"Thank you, professor. You don't know what this means to me to have something that belonged to my mother. But don't you need this book to help the Order?"

"Don't worry. I made myself a copy already, but I felt that it was important for you to have the original."

"Thank you," said Harry again.

"Well, I need to be on my way. Give my best to Draco."

Without another word, the Hogwarts professor flooed away, leaving a very stunned boy sitting alone at the table lost in his thoughts. He thumbed through each page looking at the tireless effort his mother had put into her work. He was sad to be reminded that he had never had the chance to really know her, but he was happy to have at least something to get to know her better.

"Harry, are you alright?" asked Remus. He had apparently been eavesdropping from his location in the living room.

"Yeah, I am really good actually," said Harry looking up at Remus as he sat down.

"Well, that's good because I have something to give you as well."

"Okay. Oh wait…" Harry ran to the living room to get the gift he had placed under the tree where it had waited to be opened. He sat down back at the table, and said, "Open this first."

Remus nodded at the boy in front of him, and Harry watched as he unwrapped the gift. The older man smiled as he pulled the muggle watch from the wrappings. "I thought of you when I saw it in the shop. It shows the phases of the moon across the top," said Harry.

"Thank you very much. I appreciate it. Now go on, open yours."

Harry unwrapped the present and lifted the lid to the small box. Inside, nestled on a pile of purple velvet, was a key attached to a key chain in the shape of a Golden Snitch. He wasn't sure what to say since he really didn't know what the key implied, so he looked up at Remus hoping he would explain. Remus looked very nervous as he took a deep breath.

"Harry, I have been working on something for quite a long time now. Actually since this summer, and it seems like it may be a real possibility now. There may be some unforeseen problems, but I felt confident to give this to you now."

Harry looked at him still completely bewildered. He had no idea what Remus was talking about, and he wondered if he should or something.

"Harry, what I am trying to say, is that if you want to, I would love to welcome you into my home and make it your own," said Remus finally.

"What?" asked Harry as the reality of what Remus was implying took full effect.

"That is a key to my home… our home… if you would like to come live with me… permanently…."

"Really?" asked Harry as his heart began to pound.

"Really," said Remus wholeheartedly.

"I thought you couldn't take me in because you are a werewolf?"

"Well, I have been trying to find a way around that fact and Dumbledore and I found a loophole in the child custody system. Technically, wizards are no longer seen as minors at the age of sixteen even though you are still in school. Fortunately for us, the laws regarding werewolves and guardianship are also somewhat vague for teenagers over the age of sixteen. We think that you will be allowed to be in my care as long as I do not adopt you. I am still under probation though so we are just waiting on a final verdict from the Ministry."

"What about when you transform?" Harry asked.

"Well, I think the Weasleys wouldn't mind a visit from you now and again seeing how they love you so much. Besides, they can lock me up in the dungeons at Hogwarts like they usually do so I will be no danger to you."

"So, I can really come live with you. You want me to?" he asked almost doubtfully.

"Yes, of course. I love you Harry…" And with that Harry began to crumble.

Tonight had been somewhat overwhelming. Christmas dinner was everything he thought it would be. He had received his mother's journal from Professor Snape who he seemed to have a better understanding of, and now he learned that he would finally have a home of his own. Harry felt…. happy. Remus saw that Harry's chin had begun to tremble and came around to comfort him.

"It's okay. You don't have to come live with me if you don't want to."

"No, please… I want to. I had no idea where I would go now that I can't return to Privet Drive. I'm just… overwhelmed, I guess."

"I understand," said Remus. He hugged the boy fiercely. "Wait until you see the place. It's not much, but it's home!"

"I love it already," said Harry chuckling. For the first time that Harry could ever remember, he was looking forward to going _home_ this summer.

A/N: Whoa, another long chapter. I think this is the longest one yet. And to think I had originally planned Christmas to be all one chapter instead of the last three. Damn muse! Not many reviews for the last chapter, but that could be because I had to remove the disclaimer and author's note as a separate entry. I had to include it in the prologue due to new guidelines. The chapters all got shifted up so they may have told you that you had reviewed for the last chapter already. I know not much happened, but trust me the next chapter is going to be rather interesting and exciting. I had to throw some fluffiness in with all the angst. And I can't wait to write what happens on New Years…. Any way, please review… I am begging you….


	13. The Prodigal Son Returns

A/N: This chapter is much shorter than the previous one, but I hope that you all appreciate the quick update.

**Chapter 13- The Prodigal Son Returns**

After what turned out to be an extremely long day, Harry and Draco decided to take a walk in the crisp cool air. Remus had flooed back to Hogwarts after confirming that Harry indeed wanted to still come live with him this summer. Harry was surprised at the excitement in Remus's voice as he was not usually an excitable fellow. He reminded Harry slightly of his late godfather Sirius, who had tended to be over enthusiastic about things that concerned Harry. Hermione had also already left for the evening so she could continue to spend time with her family. Draco and Harry wanted to be alone for a while, and it also gave the Weasley family some time together as well.

They were strictly forbidden to enter the woods that surrounded the Burrow, which was an old haunt of theirs from this summer. They were only allowed to walk the perimeter of the woods where they could keep the Burrow in sight at all times. The Weasleys still had the wards in place that had been cast last summer, but they were still fearful of the Death Eaters, especially since the recent attacks around the world.

It was colder than they had anticipated so they didn't stay out very long. They had just enough time alone to sneak a few kisses before they retreated indoors where it was warm.

Draco was currently holding his Harry's gloved hand in his own, and he was swinging their arms playfully back and forth. Harry smiled up at him and snuggled against his shoulder as they walked. His snuggle was short lived because Draco had to stop to retie his boot laces which had somehow come undone. Harry walked ahead of him towards the Burrow.

"Hey, Harry…." called Draco from behind as he straightened himself up.

"Yes…" said Harry, turning back around.

"I have something to tell you before we go in," said Draco rather seriously, his hands hidden behind his back.

"What?" Harry was somewhat suspicious because there was an odd gleam in his pale blue-grey eyes.

"Gotcha!" yelled Draco as he pummeled Harry with two snowballs before running away.

"Oh no you did not!" said Harry sarcastically. He too began to pick up piles of snow and hurl snowballs in Draco's direction. "Get back here and take it like a man!"

"No way! You gotta catch me first!" said Draco as he sent another set of snow balls Harry's way. Draco's aim was much better than his and Harry found himself at the mercy of the larger boy.

Harry ran on ahead but stopped short when a shadowy figure in front of the Burrow caught his eye. Draco inadvertently ran right into him knocking both boys down. "Oops, sorry."

"Shhh…" said Harry, as they got up slowly. They each brushed the snow off of their clothing while they observed the shadow before them.

"Who is it?" asked Draco as they cautiously approached the figure on the front lawn. Apparently the trespasser hadn't heard their loud arrival.

"I don't believe it… it's Percy…" said Harry in wonder.

"Percy Weasley?" asked Draco, who only knew the red head from when he was head boy at Hogwarts during their third year. Harry nodded looking at him curiously.

Percy was standing in front of the Burrow staring up at his childhood home with a look of utter sadness upon his face. He seemed as if he wanted to go inside and see the others, but was too terrified of their reactions to move from his spot. Harry almost felt bad for the young man as he looked so forlorn, but then he remembered all of the hateful things he said about him last year and he felt resentful instead.

The two boys approached Percy who was completely unaware of their presence as he continued to stare up at the Burrow. "Percy?" called Harry who managed to startle the young man significantly.

"Harry? Is that you?" he asked looking at the young boy before him and Draco Malfoy who was standing rather closely to him.

"Yeah, what do you want? I thought you disowned your own family or something. Why are you standing out here in the cold?" he asked rather callously.

Draco looked at him somewhat surprised. It had been a long time since he heard Harry assert himself in this manner. In fact, Harry was treating Percy with the same cold disdain they had mistakenly used on each other for so many years. Draco, however, did not know about the letter Ron had received last year so he couldn't know about all the awful things he had said about Harry.

"Harry… it's complicated… I'm not sure what happened… I," Percy tried to explain but it was as if he was having trouble speaking and his voice was somewhat hoarse.

It was then that Harry noticed that he was not wearing an outer cloak and his clothing seemed soiled and disheveled. He did not look anything like the high and mighty Percy Harry had known for so long.

"Percy, are you okay?" asked Harry uncomfortably.

"I don't know…." he tried to explain again.

"Maybe we should go inside," said Draco taking control of the situation. "We can sort this all out where it is warm."

He led the two boys into the Burrow and out of the cold. They were immediately greeted by the rest of the Weasley family who had been hanging out in the living room. Only one person looked grateful to see the long lost family member. The others looked absolutely furious to have their festive occasion interrupted by the unexpected guest.

"Percy, oh my gods, look at you. What happened?" asked his mother, who had quickly crossed the room and enveloped her son in a fierce hug.

"I don't know. I don't remember…" he tried to explain but his voice was barely a whisper in the mad chaos that had ensued because of his arrival.

"I can't believe he-" began Fred.

"- has the nerve to show up here," finished George.

"He's not welcome anymore!" shouted Ron.

"Let's hear him out," said Ginny softly.

"What's the big idea you writing that letter to Ron?" asked Charlie furiously.

"Why are you siding with Fudge instead of your own family? Do you have any idea how much you hurt our mother when you sent back the Christmas gift last year?" yelled Bill angrily.

"He doesn't care!" yelled the twins.

"You act like I can't choose my own friends! Harry is the best friend I have ever had, and you wanted me to drop him like our friendship meant nothing!" yelled Ron furiously.

"What's going on?" asked Draco, looking at Harry who was rather alarmed by the situation.

"STOP IT! ENOUGH!" shouted Mr. Weasley who had magically enhanced his voice so that he could be heard over the dull roar that resounded through the living room. "Can't you all see that something has happened to your brother? He can barely stand on his own two feet. Let's hear what he has to say before we pass judgment."

The others looked at the Percy with a strange mixture of hatred, sympathy, and curiosity. Apparently they hadn't noticed the state that their brother was in when he first arrived. They were now feeling somewhat foolish for attacking him in that manner before they found out what had brought the young man to the Burrow in the first place.

Percy looked up at his father gratefully and swayed slightly on his feet. His mother led him the couch and sat him down by the fire, rubbing at his hands to warm them up. The others sat back down around the living room with their arms crossed over the chests and their faces an angry red that rivaled the hair on their own heads. Although they wanted to find out what had happened to their brother, they couldn't just forget all of the hateful things that Percy had said and done to the Weasley family over recent years. Harry and Draco hung back near the kitchen so that they wouldn't interfere with what was obviously a family affair.

"What happened dear? Why did you come here? I - I thought you hated us…" said Mrs. Weasley tearfully.

"I don't hate you. I never did. I don't know what happened," said Percy hoarsely. "All I know is that I had to get here somehow so I started walking."

"But you have no cloak or anything to protect you from the cold. Where were you walking from?" asked Arthur.

"I don't know, Dad. I am really scared. I can't remember anything anymore." Percy was now visibly trembling even though he should have warmed up enough near the fire by now to reduce the shivering. He was pale and thin as well, and he was acting nothing like the Percy they used to know.

"Dad, allow me," said Bill who was particularly good at problem solving. He rose from his seat and stepped in front of Percy cautiously. He then closed his eyes as he raised his wand. The tip of the wand glowed bright blue as he waved it up and down along Percy's body.

Bill stepped back his eyes wide with fright. "He's covered in dark magic!"

"What! Are you a bloody Death Eater now!" yelled Ron angrily. He stepped in front of Harry as if he could consciously protect him from his older brother.

"Ron, he didn't use dark magic. He is covered in it. I'll bet that someone has been manipulating him. And from the way he is reacting right now, he was probably tortured recently," explained Bill quietly.

"Tortured? Oh my poor baby," said Mrs. Weasley who had begun to rock her once favorite child back and forth in her arms.

Arthur kneeled down in front of Percy. "Son, tell us what you do know."

"I – I have been suspicious of the Minister of Magic for a little while now. The things he said and did were not just adding up anymore. It wasn't anything that I knew for sure, but things just seemed off somehow. D-documents that I had been in charge of at work disappeared mysteriously and no one even seemed to be concerned. I started having long periods of t-time in which I could not account for, but Fudge always seemed pleased with my work so I didn't question it any further. I didn't want to be removed from a job I had w-worked so hard to get. I-I have thoughts in my head that I do not think are my own…. I d-don't even know how I got here… I d-don't know where I have been the last few days… I am so confused… I'm scared that there is something wrong with me," said Percy as he stumbled to get through with his words.

"There, there now son. We will take care of you despite how you have treated this family. Charlie, go get a calming potion from the cabinet. Fred, George, gather something for him to eat." The brothers set out in different directions in order to carry out their father's order despite their own feelings about the situation.

"I can't believe all of you! Percy betrayed us! He turned his back on his own family and refused to see the truth," yelled Ron angrily as he walked toward his older brother. The youngest Weasley boy tended to have a hot temper and was slow to forgive, even when the truth was staring him in the face.

"Not now, Ron," said Ginny as she tried to calm him down by grabbing his arm," Can't you see that he is in no state to be yelled at?" He wrenched his arm free from his little sister and continued with his tirade.

"Don't you remember everything he said and did?" Ron yelled as he looked around the room. "He thought Umbridge was a truly delightful woman and that Dumbledore should be removed from Hogwarts! He thought Harry should have been expelled when he went before the Wizengamot. He said Harry was unbalanced and violent, and that the Order and Dumbledore were a dangerous crowd when all we are trying to do is save the freaking wizarding world! I am sure he said much more but I burned the damn letter he sent me I was so upset. What do you have to say for yourself Percy? Do you still think that our parents are still misguided or have you finally seen the truth!"

"Ron, I don't even know what the t-truth is. I am so s-sorry that I said all of those things. I don't know what I was thinking at the t-time. Everything Fudge had been saying had m-made sense to me then. It was s-sensible and rooted in fact, but now I d-don't know anymore."

Ron turned away from him and stormed into the kitchen. Apparently he was not satisfied with Percy's apology. Percy turned to where Harry and Draco were sitting. "I am sorry about those things I said about you Harry. I thought that the Daily Prophet only printed the facts, and I guess I was wrong. I am sorry."

Harry didn't really know how to react. Like Ron, he was still a bit miffed about the whole situation but he nodded in forgiveness just the same. He needed time to think all these things through.

"We should get him to a healer, mum," he heard Bill say. "There may be damage that we cannot see that needs treatment. If the Death Eaters captured and imprisoned him, there could be a number of things wrong."

"You're right. Can you and Charlie stay with the others? I think your father and I both need to see that Percy is alright," said Molly Weasley to her oldest son.

Harry listened to the numerous conversations that were flying around the room. Ron and the twins were discussing their brother's return in the kitchen, while Charlie and Bill discussed what the Death Eaters could have possibly wanted from him and how he could have escaped. Ginny was sitting near Draco and Harry looking somewhat distraught by the turn of events.

Suddenly, Harry felt his chest grow very warm. Recognizing the odd sensation, he pulled out the silver necklace Draco had given him from under his shirt. Its emerald eyes glowed dimly and it was quite hot to the touch. He looked at Draco thoroughly alarmed. The gift had really been an early warning system alerting Harry when danger was near. He rarely took the necklace off especially since it had warned him of the danger that came on Halloween night.

Draco saw his alarmed look and reached out to touch the dragon charm. Pulling his hand away quickly from the heat, he looked into Harry's eyes and said, "Oh gods… not again."

The blonde ran towards the family's patriarch and grabbed his arm in determination, "Mr. Weasley, we have to get everyone out of here…NOW!"

"Why? What's happened?" Arthur asked quickly.

Harry strode toward him holding out the necklace so that he could feel for himself. The tall man reached out and pulled his hand back sharply when he felt the heat radiating from the silver dragon. "Danger's coming?" he asked remembering what Draco had told Harry when he had given him the gift last summer.

Harry nodded, his eyes wide with fear. Ron had seen the whole conversation from the kitchen and said, "Bloody hell this can't be happening…."

"Ron language!" yelled Mrs. Weasley from where she sat still comforting Percy.

Charlie appeared to have noticed something that interested him outside. He went to the window and looked about carefully until he spotted something that made him become alarmed.

"Fuck!"

"Charlie!"

"Sorry mum, but you might want to know that there are Death Eaters outside!" said Charlie sharply.

"What!" everyone shouted at once.

Charlie looked at Percy coldly and said, "You fool! You led them right to us. They would have never found the Burrow again unless they had some idiot to point them the way."

"No, I didn't… I d-didn't mean to…. I d-didn't know… I am so s-sorry…." said Percy as he placed his face in his hands and began to shake his head back and forth.

There was a loud noise that sounded something like thunder. The house suddenly began to shake from the loud rumble that had occurred outside. Everyone grabbed one another in fear, wondering what was going on.

"They are trying to take down the wards," said Charlie still standing guard at the window.

"Oh no…" said Mrs. Weasley. "Those heartless bastards can't even rest on Christmas."

"Mum!" said Ron, who had rarely heard his mother ever curse.

"I am sorry dear I'm just so frightened right now. Arthur what should we do?" she asked turning towards her husband.

Harry took a chance to peer outside around Charlie's shoulder. In the darkness he could see spells being cast that were illuminated against the invisible dome of the wards that had been created to protect the Burrow. Flashes of red, yellow, and blue shone against the night sky. It reminded Harry of a fireworks display he had once seen.

"Well we need to evacuate immediately. Bill, Charlie, and I are going to get out there and try to fend off some of the Death Eaters while you take the children and floo to Hogwarts. It's the only way out of here since we cannot apparate or use a portkey because of the security of the wards. It's going to take some time to floo us all out of here and we may come under attack if the wards fail. You will need to alert Dumbledore so that he can send reinforcements."

"Arthur, no, you and the boys could be killed!" said Molly as her eyes began to fill with tears.

"Molly it's the only way, besides the wards will provide us with some protection for a while. Their spells cannot penetrate the shields, but we can fire our spells out at them. There is no time to discuss this honey. Just do as I say," said Arthur urgently.

Molly reached up and hugged her husband tightly. "You bring yourself and my boys back to me in one piece, do you hear me?"

Just as her husband was about to speak another rumble shook the little house once again. Dust fell from the ceiling and various knick-knacks fell from their shelves and onto the floor. _Their spells are getting through,_ thought Harry wildly as he gripped Draco's hand.

"Bill, Charlie, let's go!" said Arthur. The two oldest siblings nodded silently and kissed their mother goodbye. The three left in determination out into the cold night air.

"Alright everyone," said Mrs. Weasley, who had found her nerve in this time of desperation. "Gather around the fireplace, we are going to do this as quickly as possible. This fireplace is connected to only one other right now. When you step into the fireplace, say Hogwarts clearly so that we do not lose any of you. Harry, you're first!"

"What! No! Get Ginny out of here first! I have defended myself against Death Eaters before. I want to stay and help!" Harry pleaded.

"Harry, they are coming here for you. Don't argue with me! You will do as I say!" said Mrs. Weasley firmly.

Mrs. Weasley was right. He was the reason why there was Death Eaters trying to storm the Burrow. Harry suddenly felt extremely guilty for placing these people in danger once again. No matter what he did, he brought harm to those that he loved. Time had proven that over and over again. He was vaguely aware of Fred and George roughly shoving him into the hearth. He reached into the bag of floo powder, noticing the worried faces in front of him as the house began to shake once again.

Not wanting to delay the safe return of the others, Harry threw the powder down and shouted "Hogwarts."

The dizzying sensation lasted only a moment when he found himself stumbling out of the fireplace in Dumbledore's office. The headmaster was nowhere to be seen. Harry bolted from his office and down the stone staircase hoping to find the professor before it was too late. The lives of the others depended on him finding the headmaster so that he could send reinforcements. He prayed as he pumped his arms and legs as fast as he could that the others were flooing in right behind. He didn't know what he would do if any of them had died. Running into the Great Hall he saw that the headmaster was still dining at this late hour with some of the other Hogwart's professors.

"Dumbledore!"

A/N: I know, I know the Death Eaters would have known where the Burrow was because of Peter, but in my story the wards around the home somehow disguised the location so that they couldn't find it unless they had followed Percy. We will discover more about what happened to Percy and the fate of the others. I know it was kind of a cliffie, but my mind is still recovering from writing that last chapter. I will try to update soon.

**Many thanks to all my reviewers and readers! And a special thanks to my beta Drae.**


	14. Conspiracy Theory

A/N: Sorry about the cliffie in the last chapter but I wanted to get it out knowing that I may not have as much time as I thought to write. Originally Ch 14 and 15 were going to be one long chapter, but I think the story works better this way.

**Chapter 14- Conspiracy Theory**

The dizzying sensation lasted only a moment when Harry found himself stumbling out of the large fireplace in Dumbledore's office. Unfortunately, the headmaster was nowhere to be seen. Harry bolted from his office and down the stone staircase hoping to find the professor before it was too late. The lives of the others depended on him finding the headmaster so that he could send for reinforcements.

He prayed as he pumped his arms and legs as fast as he could that the others were flooing in right behind. He didn't know what he would do if any of them had died or become injured during the attack. He resented the fact that they had sent him through the floo network first, but he understood their caution. The Death Eaters were most likely after the Boy-Who-Lived, not the Weasleys themselves.

He rounded the corner of the front lobby and looked at the two great hallways on either side of the main entrance, wondering where he should look first. Panting heavily, he glanced up at the heavy doors in front of him and hoped that he would find the man he was looking for on the other side. He opened the large wooden doors and ran into the Great Hall. He promptly saw that the headmaster was still dining at this late hour with some of the other Hogwarts professors.

"Dumbledore!"

The headmaster leapt to his feet seeing his most prized pupil running at him in great distress. "Harry? What is it? What are you doing here?"

Harry was gasping for air as he slowed to a halt before the staff table. He couldn't remember ever sprinting so hard in all of his life. With great difficulty he managed to get out the words that would alert Dumbledore to the problem. "Burrow…. under attack…. Death Eaters…. attacking the wards… others are flooing over… Mr. Weasley, Bill, and Charlie are defending the Burrow…"

The other professors rose to their feet as soon as they understood the direness of the situation. Remus, who had joined the others when he had returned to the castle, quickly came around the long table to greet Harry. "Are you alright?" he asked as he put his hands on both of Harry's shoulders.

"I'm fine... just out of breath," said Harry as he regained his composure.

The headmaster set into action by asking Professor Flitwick to inform the Ministry of Magic of the attack by owl and assembling all the members of the Order of the Phoenix that were available at Hogwarts. "Minerva, Remus, and Severus, I would like you to come with me… the rest of you please stay behind and guard the castle. And someone locate Poppy, I think she is in Romania... the Weasley family may need some assistance when they return to the castle," said Dumbledore.

Harry found that a he had a large lump in his throat after the headmaster's last comment. He hoped that everyone would make it back safely. The professors soon began to follow orders and Harry watched as Professor Lupin followed Dumbledore and the others out of the Great Hall.

"Wait!" Harry shouted, and Remus slowed his pace and turned towards him slightly.

"Harry? What is it?" he asked with some concern.

"Please… please be careful," said Harry slowly. Remus smiled down at him in understanding. The small boy was afraid to lose the only parental figure he had left. If something happened to him, he would be left without a home once again.

"I'll be careful. I promise I will return as soon as possible," said Remus reassuringly.

Harry nodded and watched from the doorway for a few moments as the adults swiftly ran to just outside the wards that surrounded the castle. He suspected that they would Apparate to a location that was a short distance from where the Burrow was located and attempt to detain the Death Eaters.

Not knowing what else to do, Harry ran back to the headmaster's office to see if the others had returned yet from the Burrow. Thankfully, the stone guardian had not closed the entrance behind him when he left in such a hurry as Harry would not have known the password to reenter the office. He climbed the precarious stairs two at a time and threw open the office door. He let out a deep exhalation when he saw that Percy, George, Ginny, and Ron were already waiting in the office. They looked over at him expectantly and Harry silently understood what they were asking him.

"I already told Dumbledore about the attack and the Order is on their way there now," he said. Ginny looked relieved at the new information and buried her face into the shoulder of George who was comforting her by rubbing her back. Percy sat in the corner of the office looking completely miserable. It was obvious that Charlie's comment to him had stung deeply, and he sat apart from the others feeling guilty about the cause of the attack on the Burrow.

Unfortunately, flooing can be somewhat a slow process especially since there was so many of them, and Harry waited with baited breath for each person's safe return. Fred arrived moments after Harry reached the office, and Draco soon followed. Upon seeing his boyfriend, Harry promptly went over and took the blond into his arms, glad that the love of his life was safe and sound. Oddly, no one spoke a word the entire time they were waiting and Harry found that he was holding his breath in anticipation. He was only able to exhale again when he saw Mrs. Weasley come through the fireplace and quickly envelope everyone in one gigantic hug.

The large woman looked at each one of the children and asked, "Is everyone alright?"

"Of course, mum," said Ron as he hugged his mother with one arm.

"Harry, did you…" Mrs. Weasley began, but she was soon interrupted by Harry.

"Yes, no need to worry. The Order is on their way to help," he offered. Mrs. Weasley nodded in her appreciation that Harry had alerted them so quickly.

"What about dad and Bill and Charlie?" asked Ron worriedly. Harry hadn't stopped thinking about them either and he was scared about what Ron's mother might say. He felt Draco take his hand, and he gave it a squeeze, thankful for the support.

"I don't know what's happening now, dear, but it was rather quiet when I left," she replied quietly. Harry didn't like the sound of Mrs. Weasley's reply. Her answer could only mean one of two things. Either the Death Eaters had stopped attacking the wards and had been detained, or that they had somehow made it through the wards and had bested the Weasleys defending their home. Harry prayed that the first of the options was true as he could not bear to think about another person lost because of his tie to the Dark Lord.

"I am sure everything is going to be alright," said Fred hopefully.

"Yes, us Weasleys are made of strong stock," offered George. The group nodded in agreement as they thought about the three who were left behind.

"Well, I am sure we will have some news soon. Why don't we go somewhere more comfortable while we wait?" said Mrs. Weasley. She went to where Percy was still seated and helped her son up. He seemed completely out of it and Harry began to wonder what had happened to him to cause the otherwise dignified young man to look so traumatized. Harry silently wondered if he had looked like that all the times in which he had faced Voldemort.

They soon found themselves in the Hogwarts Infirmary. They had decided to bunk there because the hospital ward was the only place that had enough beds to contain the eight of them while they waited for information. Mrs. Weasley was currently checking on the status of Percy, while the twins, Ginny, and Ron hung out on a few of the beds that they had pushed together. They were talking quietly to one another in hushed voices. Harry decided to sit on his usual bed here in the infirmary, and was soon joined by Draco who sat behind him and gathered him in his arms.

Everyone rested quietly but no one was able to sleep, even at this late hour. Harry knew from their conversations that the Weasley's were concerned not only for their loved ones, but also for their beloved home. The Burrow was all they really had in this world, and despite its rickety appearance, it held a special place in all their hearts. They couldn't bear to think of it flattened to the ground, or possibly set on fire that Death Eaters were accustomed to doing.

Percy was still in somewhat of a daze and was currently not answering anyone's questions. His body trembled beneath the several blankets that had been laid on top of his body, and Harry wondered if the trembling was more due to the fact that he may have been tortured than a reaction to the chilly hospital ward. Harry distantly remembered his own body reacting in that matter, and suspected that the red head had been placed under the Cruciatus Curse. He hoped that wasn't true. No one deserved that kind of pain, especially not Percy, despite everything he had done. Mrs. Weasley did her best to care for Percy and make him comfortable, but they would not be able to care for him properly until Severus Snape returned. Madame Pomfrey, at that time, was out of the country visiting relatives. Snape had been filling in for the nurse as he was quite skilled in potion making and he had a history of dealing with injuries related to Death Eater attacks.

They waited two full hours when they finally saw the members of the Order stride through the large wooden doors that led to the infirmary. Mr. Weasley, Bill, and Charlie entered first, followed by Lupin, Snape, McGonagall, and Dumbledore. Everyone was on their feet and greeting the valiant warriors. Their faces clearly showed that they had successfully won the small battle, and they were attacked by several voices at once begging for information about what happened.

"Settle down now," said Mr. Weasley. "Everything is fine, and the Burrow is safe." Everyone sighed in relief, and Mrs. Weasley rose to greet her husband and two sons, grateful that they had also returned safely.

"What about the Death Eaters?" asked Ron eagerly. "Were they captured?"

"Well actually, Mr. Weasley," said Dumbledore smiling down at Ron, "when myself and the other professors apparated to the location, your father and brothers had already stunned the Death Eaters and were waiting for our arrival. There wasn't much for us to do."

"Really?" asked Ron, beaming with pride for his father and older brothers.

"Yes, really. Your family is quite capable at handling themselves in dangerous situations. They are a valuable asset to the Order," replied Dumbledore.

"What happened, dad?" asked George. "Why did they attack us?"

"Well, there were only three Death Eaters attacking the wards around our home. The Ministry took them into custody as soon as they arrived on the scene so we weren't able to interrogate them ourselves... always getting in the bloody way." Mr. Weasley looked somewhat irritated about that fact, and Harry began to get curious as to why. Being employed at the Ministry, Harry would have thought that he would have more confidence in his superiors, but it appeared as though things were not always as they seemed.

"We would have been back sooner if the Ministry didn't keep us waiting for answers for so long," said Remus resentfully.

Snape continued the rest of the story. "From what we were able to gather from the Ministry officials, the three young men were fairly new followers of the Dark Lord. They had planned on kidnapping Mr. Potter, and they had even taken it upon themselves to locate the Burrow without informing the Dark Lord. The idiots hoped to be looked upon favorably by their master when they delivered the Boy-Who-Lived to him. I guess the stupid fools are still pretty naïve about the hierarchy of the Dark Side. Their master won't be happy about this turn of events." The Potions master had a look of mirth upon his face as he thought about how the young Death Eaters would be treated if they were ever in the presence of Voldemort again. The Dark Lord would no doubt punish them severely for their unauthorized actions.

"You mean that Voldemort didn't organize the attack?" said Harry in disbelief.

"It would appear that way, Harry," said Dumbledore. "It seems that these young men were acting of their own accord. I suspect that if Voldemort knew of you location, that he would have arrived there himself. There was no Dark Mark cast into the sky, and he failed to ever appear at the site. I think it is safe to assume that he did not plan the attack. Surely if he had known he would have sent more than just his three newest Death Eaters to your location. I don't think he would risk losing another opportunity to get his hands on you."

Harry nodded sadly, knowing that Dumbledore was right. If Voldemort had known where he was, he would have stopped at nothing to get to him. Harry felt guilty once again for ever thinking that he could lead a somewhat normal life. Until the Dark Lord was defeated, he would continually put those around him in danger.

"But how did the Death Eaters even know how to find the Burrow?" asked Draco. The large group all looked in the direction of Percy. He was still lying on the hospital bed, but was facing away from them. Now that danger was no longer evident for the group, everyone set their sites on determining what had led up to the attack and how it involved Percy.

The red haired boy was led to private room where Mrs. Weasley, Dumbledore, and Snape set to work healing his wounds and trying to determine what had happened. Forgetting their previous hatred for their brother, the Weasley children all looked quite concerned about what had happened to him.

"I'm sure he will be fine," said Mr. Weasley seeing the distress on his children's faces. Before joining his wife in the small room, he led them back over to the beds and ordered them to all relax until they knew something for sure. That was easier said and done, and the red heads all sat about restlessly once again as they waited for news.

McGonagall and Lupin felt it was necessary to alert the other professors that they had arrived safely back and the castle and check on the wards surrounding the castle as a precaution. Before Remus left, he came over to Harry's side and gave him a small hug.

"I told you I'd come back in one piece," he said quietly. Harry looked up at him gratefully and nodded. He hadn't realized just how much he had been worried about the man until that moment.

More than a half an hour later, the four adults returned from the private hospital room, leaving Percy to rest comfortably under the influence of a dreamless sleep potion. Harry, like the others, and just begun to nod off as exhaustion took hold of him, when he realized that they had returned. Now wide awake, he was desperate to hear what had become of Percy.

"Well?" said Ron a bit too loudly in the otherwise quiet hospital ward. Mrs. Weasley's eyes were quite red, and it was obvious that she had been crying. Arthur led his wife to one of the beds and sat her down gently.

"I am afraid that I have some bad news," said Dumbledore looking at each one of them carefully. Harry was saddened to see that the normal twinkle in the man's eye was once again missing. "We suspected that young Mr. Weasley had been captured by the Death Eaters who attacked the Burrow. He had some minor cuts and bruises, but his body seemed sore and weak, as if he had been placed under the Cruciatus Curse. Professor Snape was able to confirm our suspicions by using Legilimency to probe his mind for information. It would appear that Percy was kidnapped only two days ago by the three young Death Eaters. Wanting to capture Harry, who was believed to be spending the holidays with his best friend's family, the three young men kidnapped Percy and tortured him for information. You would be proud to know that the young man lying in there refused to give up the location of his family's home while under torture."

Harry looked away and sighed deeply. He knew what it was like to be placed under such torture and he felt awful that someone had undergone such pain so that the Death Eaters could get to him. He snuck a peek at the family before him and saw that the Weasleys looked at one another sadly. Each one teary eyed that their brother was subjected to torture, but proud that he was able to resist such extreme methods.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly.

"What was that?" asked Mrs. Weasley, who looked as if she didn't hear him correctly.

"I'm sorry," Harry said a bit louder. Draco looked at him oddly now too as if he couldn't grasp at the reason Harry would be so apologetic.

"Whatever for darling?" asked Molly.

"Percy was tortured so that the Death Eaters could get to me. I should have never come to the Burrow for Christmas. No one is ever safe around me. I don't know what I was thinking…"

Mrs. Weasley strode quickly across the room with a determined look on her face. For a moment, Harry was a little fearful of her and shrank back against Draco who was sitting behind him.

"Don't you ever apologize like that again!" she said sharply.

"Wh-what?" said Harry fearfully. Seeing that she had inadvertently frightened Harry, her features softened somewhat as she knelt in front of him.

"Don't you ever apologize for something that is not your fault. You never asked for all the awful things that have happened to you, and you can hardly be blamed for any of it."

Harry tried to protest, but he was soon cut off. "I would never blame you for that which you cannot control," said Mrs. Weasley as she cupped his face in her hands. "We invited you to the Burrow because we love you, Harry, and we wanted to give you a Christmas like you had never had before. And I expect to see you at the Burrow every Christmas for as long as you are a part of my family. We could never have anticipated the attack. Besides the wards stayed intact and everyone is safe now. So stop making yourself upset over this, okay?"

Harry nodded, and was touched Mrs. Weasley's kind words. A small tear escaped from the corner of his eye and she quickly wiped it away with her thumb before the others could see. She then kissed him firmly on the forehead and joined her husband again across the room. The rest of the Weasleys gave him a sad smile that helped to reassure him further. He looked behind him at Draco who had been holding him tight and felt the blond kiss him on the forehead comfortingly as well.

"Molly is right, Harry. You should not feel guilty about things that are out of your control," said the headmaster. Harry nodded knowing that the old man was alluding to more than just what had happened tonight. Dumbledore knew that Harry felt responsible for the deaths of his parents, Cedric, and Sirius.

There was an awkward silence for a few moments until Charlie finally decided to speak up. "If Percy resisted the torture, then how did the Death Eaters find the Burrow?"

"The Death Eaters decided to use the Imperius Curse on Percy to lead them to the Burrow, which was rather insightful," replied Dumbledore thoughtfully. "They merely released him and told him to go _home_. They followed Percy as he walked blindly through the cold towards his childhood home. They would not have been able to see the Burrow itself because the wards around the home disguised it from their view, but they would have known when they had found it because Percy would have suddenly disappeared. They began to attack, but they didn't anticipate just how strong the wards were."

The Weasleys nodded in understanding. So at least they now understood what had led up to the unprompted attack.

"What about that bit Percy said about Ministry?" asked Bill. "He sounded really confused like he had gaps in his memory."

"I was wondering that myself," said Mr. Weasley. "I asked Professor Snape to probe his mind about his work at the Ministry and found some interesting information."

At this point Snape cut into the conversation. "I believe from what I saw that Percy may have been required to destroy documents that involved information about the Dark Lord's whereabouts and his followers' activities. We know that the Aurors have been working tirelessly to gather that information and yet we have never seen any follow up by the Ministry on any of their leads. It would be difficult because of Percy's close connection to Fudge to hide that information from him. I believe that his memory may have been obliviated to prevent him from saying anything. This could only mean that the Minister was somehow working on behalf of the Dark Lord, or that he too was being manipulated somehow."

"You're kidding, right?" boldly asked Bill of his former professor. "You're saying that our own government may be covering up You-Know-Who's whereabouts?"

"That's exactly what I am saying," said Snape darkly. Everyone looked at one another in surprise.

"That sounds like the makings of a conspiracy," said Bill.

"You're right. It would seem that the Ministry can no longer be our allies in this war against Voldemort," said Dumbledore.

"But this isn't right! How can our own government be working against us!" shouted Ron angrily. "We have to let everyone know what a creep Fudge is!"

"Unfortunately, son, that is more difficult than it sounds. Minister Fudge has many loyal supporters and the Daily Prophet prints whatever he sees fit on a whim. It will be difficult to persuade the masses to see Fudge for who he really is. We will only be able to bring him to justice with irrefutable proof of his dealings with You-Know-Who," said Arthur.

"Until then, the Order of the Phoenix will be working alone to defeat the Dark Lord," said Dumbledore defiantly. The silence that remained after that statement was almost deafening.

At that moment the wizarding world officially became divided into thirds; those who followed the Dark Side, those who listened to the Ministry and could not see for themselves the truth about Fudge's loyalty, and those who supported the Order of the Phoenix. This segregation among the wizarding communities would eventually lead to several battles and a possible Civil War not seen by witches and wizards since the time before Merlin himself.

The Weasleys were able to arrive at a truce of sorts seeing how circumstances how clouded Percy's better judgment when it came to his family. Mr. Weasley eventually was able to talk his son into working for the Order. Percy would reluctantly maintain his position at the Ministry in order to try to obtain information that would shed light on Cornelius Fudge's illegal operations. It was the only way they could make everyone see how corrupt their government really was. Only as a united front would they be able to defeat the Dark Lord.

It was also decided that it was safer for Ron, Ginny, Draco, and Harry to remain at Hogwarts instead of returning to the Burrow for the rest of the holiday. The others would go back to the Order's headquarters at Number 12 Grimmauld Place. The adults later returned to the Burrow to gather the children's things so that they could be brought to their dormitories here at Hogwarts. The house elves were kind enough to put away their things for them and had even laid out their Christmas presents neatly so that they would be reminded of all the lovely things that they had given each other before this nightmare began.

Many other families also felt that it was safer for their children to return to Hogwarts early as well when they learned of the attack near Ottery St. Catchpole. They were soon joined by most of their friends, including Hermione, Neville, Dean, and Seamus. It was the largest amount of students to ever stay at the castle between first and second term, and the prefects found that they had their hands full keeping everyone out of trouble while they had so much extra time on their hands.

Dumbledore finally decided after a large petition gathered by the student body that he would allow a New Year's Eve Bash to take place in the Great Hall. It would be a lot easier to supervise than each house having their own respective parties and it would cheer everyone up after the recent attack. Everyone was excited in anticipation of the big event and each house helped make decorations for the Great Hall. House rivalries put aside temporarily, they worked together to make the night one that they wouldn't soon forget.

Harry found himself actually looking forward to the celebration since it wouldn't be a formal like the Yule Ball normally was. He contemplated on whether or not Draco and himself would be able to go as a couple, but he had yet to ask his blond haired angel what he thought about the idea. What Harry didn't realize is that the events on New Year's Eve might change his relationship with Draco forever.

* * *

A/N: This chapter was really to lay the ground work for a possible sequel to this story, and to get our favorite characters back at Hogwarts for the New Year's celebration. You are going to hate me in the next chapter. I just know it! MUAHAHAHA 

**Many thanks to my beta, Drae and my lovely reviewers!**


	15. Becoming

**Happy New Years Everyone!**

A/N: I kind of left you hanging on that last chapter. I wouldn't call it a cliffhanger really…. more like foreshadowing. As you have probably figured out, Harry and Draco's relationship is about to go through the ringer. You may be asking yourself why? Why would I be so cruel? Well, as in any good relationship… nothing is ever perfect. You will have to wait and see if their relationship will be able to survive after what happens on New Years Eve. In fact, this little sub plot has everything to do with the ending of this story, which I know some of you are completely confused about. Trust me, the dreams will start to make sense rather soon. I had planned this chapter all along, and I couldn't wait to write it. But I found myself struggling with perspective because I so badly wanted to switch the point of view to Draco, but I decided to stay consistent with this story instead. Sorry about the rambling… I sometimes feel like I am having an actual conversation with you people… I should really get my head examined….. oh well…

**Chapter 15- Becoming**

It was late afternoon and Harry was currently waiting for Draco in the Room of Requirement lounging on the plushy couch in front of a cozy fire. It was nice having some place to go to when he needed to be alone. He wasn't really in the mood to do much of anything right now, and he was sure that he would need a nap in order to stay up for the big party that would occur tonight. Barely a week had passed since he had returned to Hogwarts and it was already New Year's Eve.

He was rather tired from many sleepless nights because of the dreams, and he was trying to get a few winks in before Draco came to meet him. Unfortunately, the events that took place over the last week were running around his tired mind in endless circles and a quiet snooze was a eluding him for the moment. He had truly been afraid for his friends' lives once again, and he wondered if any of this could have been prevented. Mrs. Weasley's words had been reassuring, but the guilt never truly left Harry's heart. The darkness was forever creeping closer towards the forgotten corners of his mind.

He also contemplated his place in the grand scheme of things and about how the prophecy had foretold how this madness would eventually all end. Harry would have to kill Voldemort, or be killed himself. He didn't like either possibility, but he had made himself a solemn vow that he would do everything in his power to prevent his friends from coming to harm. He had already studied up quite a bit on Defense Against the Dark Arts this year, but he still felt ill prepared. He needed to find something that would ensure his success over the Dark Lord, and he wouldn't stop until he found it.

_Why does everything have to be so bloody difficult?_ he asked himself.

A sudden noise brought Harry out his brooding thoughts, and he peeked over the back of the couch when he heard the door to the secret room open and close. Draco strode toward the couch in a rather foul mood. Harry sat up quickly when he saw the boy's distress and looked at him with concern. Draco sat down beside Harry huffily and crossed his arms in frustration.

"What is it?" asked Harry.

"The same problem I have been having since I returned to this bloody school this year!" replied Draco in frustration.

"The Slytherins?" asked Harry tentatively.

"Of course, who else?" said Draco.

Harry sighed deeply. His boyfriend had been struggling against the students within his own house since he had return to Hogwarts in the autumn. Harry knew that Draco was more distraught over the whole situation than he let on. It must be difficult to be king of the castle for five years, and then be treated like a peon for his remaining years at Hogwarts. Part of the reason why he was treated so differently this year was because of his "friendship" with Harry and the other Gryffindors. Much to everyone's surprise, he would sometimes sit with his new friends during dinner to escape the torment he received from his peers. The most obvious reason for the way he was treated was the fact that Draco openly admitted that he would not follow his father or the Dark Lord in this war. There were only a few children of Death Eaters in Slytherin, namely Crabbe, Goyle, and some seventh years, but their influence was widespread. Most knew not to mess with them and their underhanded dealings were altogether ignored.

Things had settled down somewhat after Pansy Parkinson was discovered as a traitor and sent to Azkaban, but recently the situation had gotten out of control. With Draco changing sides so to speak, and Parkinson out of the way, the wanna-be-Death-Eaters had no real leadership of any kind. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason for their actions anymore. They merely seemed to derive pleasure out of tormenting the tall blond. Draco was mostly threatened by the thugs that he once used as body guards, but the others loved to pull pranks on him every chance they could get. But recently things had gotten more serious. The small group was now using their classes as ways to "accidentally" hex or spill something on him so that they wouldn't be punished by their professors or the headmaster.

"What happened now?" asked Harry finally. He never brought it up to Draco, because they had buried their past long ago, but he knew what if felt like to be treated so awfully by your classmates. Draco, at one time, had been the worst of the bullies here at Hogwarts.

"Someone got into my dorm room and took a knife to all of my robes. There are huge rips in each one of them. They knew perfectly well that I can no longer afford to buy new ones. Hell, I don't even know how to repair something like that!" said Draco angrily.

"Blaise didn't see anything?" asked Harry.

"No, he was outside flying around at the time."

"You know, I am sure that the house-elves could fix your robes for you with no problem. Or maybe Mrs. Weasley?" offered Harry.

"Yeah, I thought about that already. Don't worry about it."

They sat in silence for a while until Harry finally spoke again. "What did you do to them…"

"What do you mean?" asked Draco trying to elude the question.

"You know what I mean. I know you, Dray. What did you do?"

Draco looked at him with his signature smirk on his face, his eyes twinkling.

"Well, l don't really know who did it for sure, but it seems like something stupid enough for those two big oafs to come up with."

"Crabbe and Goyle?"

"Yeah, lets' just say that they are going to be in the infirmary again for the next couple of hours waiting for the boils to go away. I spiked their Butterbeers with Fred and George's Bulbous Boils Formula. I hear they get pretty nasty as the boils get all full of pus…" said Draco as he shook his head to rid himself of the grotesque image.

He glanced up and saw the look that Harry was giving him and got irritated. "Don't give me that look! What do you expect me to do! I would love to hex them from here to next week, but I would get expelled and it's not like I have any place to go."

"But Dray, what if Madame Pomfrey starts asking questions? They will tell her that it was you. Who else would have done that to them? You can be expelled anyway."

"They aren't going to say anything!"

"How do you know that!"

"Because that his how this whole mess works. They won't say anything because they know I will turn them in for shredding my clothes! I couldn't say anything in the first place to Snape or Dumbledore because I didn't have any real proof that they did it. They don't really have proof that I slipped them a potion either for that matter. Don't you see that all this is just a vicious cycle."

"Yes, but it has to end somewhere. They're just going to retaliate again."

"I know, but it's not like I started this whole thing," said Draco in a frustrated voice. "I'm not going to sit around and let them use me as their hexing dummy. I need to have some shred of pride left!"

"Listen, I'm sorry. I'm just worried about you. Okay?" asked Harry sitting closer to his boyfriend. Draco nodded at him looking defeated. They were soon relaxing comfortably in each others arms watching the flames dance back and forth in the fireplace.

In a serious voice Harry finally said, "What are we going to do about the party? It's not like Halloween; we won't be disguised behind masks tonight."

"I know, I have been thinking about that as well. I figured that since we are going as a big group that we could dance all together. That way I can still dance with you and no one will get suspicious. I'm assuming we are still kind of keeping _us_ secret, right?"

"Yeah, if you don't mind that is."

"Of course not," said Draco. "But I won't be able to wrap my arms around you and dance to a slow song." He put a big hurt look on his face and looked at Harry longingly.

"I know, sorry about that."

"Speaking of the party, I had better get back to my dorm and get ready. I want to look my best for you later," said Draco as he jumped up.

"You're kidding right? You just got here," said Harry in disbelief. "Why do you have to get ready?"

"I told you already. I want to look my best. Hey, don't hate me because I'm beautiful," said Draco teasingly. "I will see you later, love."

Draco reached down and pulled Harry towards him and gave him a chaste kiss. Harry began to pout when he pulled away. "Don't worry, there will be more of that later," said Draco. Harry laughed at him as he slipped out of the room.

_I wonder if I should go get ready as well_, thought Harry. He and Draco had never really been on a date before, besides the Halloween disaster, and that was exactly how the party was beginning to feel to him, like a date. Harry didn't have a lot of experience with going out on dates. The only ones he ever went on were with Cho and those had ended terribly. He hadn't even showered yet and now that he thought about it, he didn't even know what he was going to wear. His heart began to pound slightly in anticipation and he felt a little giddy. He jumped up from his position on the couch and jogged out the door towards the Gryffindor Tower. Tonight would be something that neither one of them would forget.

Freshly showered, Harry stood with his four friends just outside the Great Hall around ten o'clock waiting for Draco. Harry felt completely awkward. He had decided to wear a pair of black slacks and a green short sleeved polo shirt that he got talked into buying last summer in Diagon Alley when he had to replace all of his belongings. He felt uncomfortable because he wasn't accustomed to wearing such nice clothes and he wasn't sure how to act. His hair was somewhat different as well. Hermione insisted on helping him do "something" with his hair, and it was now cut a bit shorter and styled in a messy do thanks to the help of some of Hermione's wondrous hair products.

Neville and Ron looked pretty nice as well, but they had chosen khakis and long sleeved button up shirts. Ginny and Hermione were both strikingly beautiful in their party dresses. They even had their hair done up in curls on top of their heads.

The sound of the music was reverberating off the walls of the stone corridors and they were all anxious to go inside and enjoy the party.

"Where is he?" asked Harry worriedly.

"Malfoy's probably trying to make a fashionably late entrance," muttered Ron under his breath.

Hermione promptly elbowed him in the ribs and smiled at Harry. "I'm sure he'll be here. We were here a bit early mind you."

A moment later, Harry saw his blond goddess walking down the corridor towards him. He was dressed in a similar fashion to Harry, but he was wearing charcoal colored slacks and an ice blue short sleeved polo shirt. Instead of his hair being gelled back into place as it usually was, he let it hang loose. Harry thought that he looked absolutely beautiful.

Harry was so struck by his boyfriend's appearance he didn't even register the fact that Draco had brought along Blaise with him.

"Hey, everyone, I hope you don't mind that I'm joining you," Harry heard Blaise say.

"No problem, good to have you," said Ron, as he and Neville reached out and shook the dark haired boy's hand.

"You look gorgeous," whispered Draco in Harry's ear with a slight growl. Harry blushed heavily behind his glasses and smiled at his beloved. He was happy that his appearance seemed to please him so much.

"Shall we go in," said Ginny. Before she could open the door, Neville stepped in front of her and grabbed the handles instead.

"Allow me. Ladies first!"

The atmosphere that met them when they walked inside was mesmerizing. The room itself was dimly lit with floating candles. The ceiling of the Great Hall was enchanted to simulate a disco club and was flashing a myriad of colors to the beat of the music. The long tables that were normally housed in the large room had been transfigured into smaller round tables on either side of the room. There was a large buffet of food and drinks and a live D.J. was spinning his music on a riser where the staff table would normally be.

Harry was relieved to see that they weren't the only ones to have chosen to wear Muggle attire to the New Year's Eve Bash. In fact, Muggle fashion seemed all the rage this year. Hardly anyone was wearing wizarding robes.

The seven of them made their way through the crowd taking it all in. The professors lined the sides of the hall supervising the affair, each looking completely miserable and out of place. Upon reaching the other end of the room, Harry realized that their live D.J. was none other than Dean Thomas.

"Hey Dean!" Harry shouted.

"Hey, Harry, my man! What's up!" Dean shouted back as he removed his head phones.

"I didn't know you D.J!"

"Yeah, it's a Muggle hobby of mine back home."

"I had not idea! That's awesome!"

"Well I kind of kept it a secret. I didn't really get any good at it until I landed some gigs last summer. Glad you came. Sorry, I can't talk long. Enjoy the party!"

"Yeah, I will. See ya!"

Harry had never been to a dance club before, but he suspected that this was what one must be like. The music was intense and he could literally feel the music pounding against his chest. It was difficult to hear one another over the loud music, but that was alright because all he felt like doing was dancing. It was a wonder that the professors hadn't asked Dean to turn the music down to an acceptable level yet.

Before he knew it, he and his friends were swept away with the thumping beat. The crowd was so large and it was so dark in the Great Hall that Harry didn't feel as self conscious about dancing in front of the others. He let himself move to the music and soon found a rhythm that suited him. Caught up in the dizzying and swaying motion, he found that he could lose himself in the music. Nothing else mattered right now. Reality lost all meaning and time seemed to pass differently. He wasn't thinking about the attacks, or Voldemort, or his strange dreams, or even his past. Right now he was living in the moment, and he couldn't remember ever feeling more alive. Normally he was pretty sensitive about people touching him, but right now he was completely oblivious to the number of people dancing and bumping up against his body accidentally.

He smiled as he caught Draco's eye and he moved closer to him boldly pressing up against him in excitement. He moved away and saw that his friends were laughing and smiling in enthusiasm. They knew that this dance was one of the few public places that Harry and Draco would dare to make appearance with one another since it was so dark.

Harry watched as Draco moved in front of him and began dancing for him. Harry had to admit, the boy had moves, and he couldn't for the life of him determine how he had ever learned to dance like that. He was probably a natural. Harry tried to copy some of his movements, but found that he was just too slow to mimic him. He laughed and decided to resume his usual movements.

They had danced for quite a while when Harry saw that some of the Slytherins were now cutting purposefully through their small circle. At first, Harry didn't think anything of it, until he realized that they were mouthing something to Draco. He tried to block them from him, but they brushed rudely right past him. He soon realized that they were saying things like "Traitor!" and "Coward!"

Harry was about to go tell them off, but he felt Draco grab his arm. "Just ignore them. It means nothing to me. Just have a good time!"

"Are you sure!" Harry pleaded.

"Positive! Now shut up and dance!" he said playfully.

Harry still felt awful that Draco had to endure such torment, but by the look on his face it appeared that he was still enjoying himself. _Well if he can ignore them, so can I,_ Harry thought.

Soon the music seemed to slow down somewhat and Harry glanced at his watch. Realizing that they had been dancing non stop for close to an hour or more, Harry and the other Gryffindors decided to have a seat and get some food. Draco and Blaise wanted to go mingle with a few of the Slytherins who hadn't harassed Draco over the last few months.

"Are you having a good time!" shouted Ron as they sat down with a plate full of food. Ron and Hermione were always worried about Harry having fun once in a while, and he was glad that he could answer truthfully for once.

"Yeah! The best," said Harry, beaming from ear to ear.

He watched the crowd on the dance floor as he nibbled on some of the finger foods. He saw that Draco was talking animatedly to Blaise and a group of sixth years. Harry was sure from his body language that he was recounting the tale about how he slipped the Bulbous Boils Formula into Crabbe and Goyle's Butterbeers.

As if on cue, the infamous thugs themselves entered the Great Hall and began to prowl. Harry looked over at Draco anxiously, but it appeared that he hadn't noticed their appearance yet. Blaise and Draco soon left their conversation and headed over to where Harry and the others were sitting. "Man, I'm thirsty," said Draco.

"Yeah, me too! Want some punch? I'll get it," offered Blaise.

"Sure, thanks," said Draco.

"Having fun!" Draco asked Harry over the music.

"You bet!" he replied, as he shoved a piece of popcorn in his mouth. "But you should be careful, Crabbe and Goyle are here."

Draco shrugged as if he didn't care and reached over helping himself to the food Harry's plate, grabbing a handful of popcorn and grinning cheekily

"Hey! Get your own!" Harry replied teasingly.

The party was already so awesome; Harry wondered what would happen at midnight when it officially became a new year. He looked around the room again wanting to remember everything from this amazing night.

As he looked around, he spotted Blaise over at the drink table. Just as the dark haired boy had finished pouring punch into each glass, Crabbe and Goyle came over and bumped into him rudely. Harry felt his throat tighten as he watched the two larger boys give him a hard time. He was about to get up and help Blaise out when the dark haired boy finally managed to escape their glare and return to the table.

"Are you alright!" he asked over the loud music.

"Yeah! I guess those idiots made it out of the infirmary faster than I had anticipated. Made me spill my bloody drinks," he said as he set the glasses down and wiped the red liquid which was now dripping off of his arms.

"Thanks!" said Draco. "I'm dying of thirst!" As soon as he had touched the glass to his lips, he downed the liquid completely. "Ahhh! That's better."

After a few moments though, both Draco and Blaise, who had downed his drink as well, had a funny look on their faces. "Are you alright?" asked Harry.

"Yeah, that punch just tasted funny. Someone probably spiked it," said Blaise.

"With the Professors here?" asked Hermione, horrified at the thought.

"Sure! I have heard stories from my brothers about Yule Balls where punch was spiked with fire whiskey!" said Ron.

"Yeah, and I am sure it was your brothers who did it!" said Hermione laughing at her own observation.

"I want to go dance some more!" said Draco looking at Harry strangely.

"Really? But we just sat down!" whined Harry, who was getting a little fatigued now that he stopped moving.

"I said I want to dance!" said Draco a little more firmly.

"Can't I just finish eating…."

"Now!" he said as roughly pulled Harry to his feet.

"Ouch! Alright, alright! Sheesh… you don't have to man handle me!"

He followed Draco to the dance floor, but he wasn't sure if his heart was really into it. He felt so tired all of a sudden. He followed the blonde's lead and began to sway to the music. Fortunately, he found his second wind and started to dance more easily. Ginny and Neville were dancing again as well a short distance away. Only a few minutes had passed when he saw that Hermione and Ron were pushing through the crowd trying to reach them. The looks on their faces conveyed that something had happened.

"What's wrong? Where's Blaise?" asked Draco irritably.

"I don't know," said Ron. "He started getting all skittish like he was scared or something and left in a hurry. I am kind of worried about him. He looked terrified!"

"Well, what's wrong with him?"

"I'm not sure. He didn't say much when he left."

"Did anything happen to him?"

"Well, no, not that I know of."

Draco shrugged his shoulders and gave them a look that could only mean '_What do you want me to do about it?'_

"Maybe we should go check on him," said Hermione.

"He's fine. Don't let some big baby spoil our fun. Dance!" ordered Draco.

The others looked at him strangely as they couldn't believe that he wouldn't go check on his dorm mate when something is obviously wrong with him. "Listen, I will go check on him later. He probably just needed some time alone, okay?"

Ron and Hermione agreed, but looked not much happier. It wasn't as if they could go to the Slytherin dorm themselves so they decided to go dance closer to where Ginny and Neville were. Harry looked a Draco quizzically. Something was off about him, but Harry couldn't really put his finger on what it was. It was if he was reverting back to his old self or something.

"Are you sure you're okay, Dray? You're acting kind of funny."

"I'm fine. Now shut up and dance!" The first time he had said those words to Harry tonight, it had been funny. Now his words were laced with venom, and Harry hated the tone within his voice.

He continued to dance to the music, but watched Draco carefully. He seemed to be fine. Maybe he was just irritated over the stunt Crabbe and Goyle pulled on his robes earlier. He had been having a rough time of it lately. Maybe he was just finally letting out some of his frustration. Deciding that he had probably come to the right conclusion; Harry shook his head of any lingering thoughts and concentrated on having a good time. He deserved to have fun tonight and he didn't want to over analyze everything that Draco said or did.

He lost himself in the music once again and entered a trance like state as the beat changed to something a little faster paced. He suddenly felt a hand brush against his back side, but ignored it hoping that it just was someone accidentally bumping into him. Soon he felt it again, but this time the hand moved around the front and groped at his groin. He quickly pushed the hand away trying to stifle the panic rising in him when he realized the hand belonged to Draco.

"Stop! What are you doing?" staring at him incredulously.

"Oh lighten up, I'm just having a good time," said Draco.

"I don't think I want to dance anymore!" said Harry.

"Oh don't be a party pooper. Besides, it's almost midnight!"

"Fine!" said Harry. He kept his distance from Draco somewhat, hoping that he wouldn't be so bold as to grope him again as they were dancing.

Suddenly the enchanted ceiling changed. Instead of lights flashing to beat of the music, it was illuminated by large blue numbers counting down until the moment in which the New Year officially came. The music was lowered, and the entire crowd began shouting as they counted down to the end of the year. His friends moved closer towards him and stared up the ceiling and began to count with the others.

_10, 9, 8, 7…._

Draco came forward and grabbed Harry by both arms looking into his eyes intently as he counted down with the crowd. Harry stared right back searching within the depths of Draco's pale eyes for the reason why he was acting so strangely.

_6, 5, 4, 3….._

What he saw there frightened him. Instead of the smiling eyes of his boyfriend staring out at him, he saw something else. Something more sinister. Like he had become someone else. He tried to pull away, but Draco held his arms tightly. The room felt like it was spinning all around him and the heat generated by the crowd's bodies made him dizzy.

_2, 1….. Happy New Year!_

The professors each raised their wands and shot "fireworks" into the air illuminating the room brightly. Silver confetti fell from the ceiling and sparkled in the light cast by the adult's wands. Harry watched in an odd fascination as the confetti floated down and covered everyone.

The crowd began to cheer. Some were even hugging and kissing those around them. He saw that the two couples beside him were now deeply engrossed in passionate kisses. Harry could hear the crowd singing _Auld Lang Syne_ in the background. "_Should old acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind…"_

"You know, they say that the person you kiss at midnight on New Year's Eve is the person you will be with for the rest of the year," said Draco as he bent his head down towards Harry. "Kiss me."

"Draco, no, not here. Not in front of everyone. I'm not ready yet!"

"I said kiss me," he said. Draco then planted a forceful kiss on Harry's lips, not even recognizing the fact that the smaller boy in front of him was trying to desperately get away.

"Draco stop…" he struggled to say while his lips were closed. The blond released and Harry stepped away wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Why did you do that?"

"Because I wanted to! Besides, look around, no one even saw us. They are all too engrossed with snogging the person next to them to care."

Harry looked around and felt a bit better. It did appear that no one had seen them kiss, which he was thankful for. But that didn't negate the fact that Draco was acting so strangely.

"I'm tired… I wanna go now," said Harry quietly. He suddenly did not want to be in this atmosphere with Draco acting so differently. Was this how he acted when he was not around?

"Fine by me. Hey Granger, Weasley, we're going to leave now. We'll see you later," said Draco.

"You're leaving already?" asked Ron.

"Yeah, I'm really tired," said Harry.

"Well, we could walk back with you if you'd like," said Hermione. She was eyeing Draco strangely, and Harry wondered if she might have seen his little display.

"No, don't leave early on my account," said Harry.

"Are you sure?" asked Hermione still looking somewhat concerned.

"I'm fine," said Harry, lying to his best friends. All he wanted to do was to get out of there. If anything was wrong with Draco the last thing he wanted to do was drag his friends into the situation.

"What about Blaise?" asked Ron.

"I said I would check on him," replied Draco coolly.

"Oh, okay. Well, I will see you later. We probably won't stay long either," said Ron.

"Happy New Year Harry!" said Hermione.

"Happy New Year Hermione," he responded half-heartedly, and he waved goodbye to the others.

He followed Draco out of the Great Hall was relieved to find that the air in the rest of the castle was much cooler. He shook his heads and his clothing slightly to rid himself of the remaining silver confetti. Soon some of the dizziness he had felt while dancing began to subside.

"Hey instead of going back to our dorms, lets go snuggle in our special place," said Draco taking Harry's hand.

He looked down at them holding hands and then glanced around. He would allow it out here only because almost everyone was in the Great Hall at the party.

"Shouldn't we go check on Blaise?" asked Harry.

"I'm sure he is fine. I'll check on him later. Right now I want to snuggle," said Draco.

That did sound really appealing right now. "Alright," said Harry.

They soon found themselves in the Room of Requirement once again. The sound of the party could still be heard from this corner of the castle, and Harry was amazed at how well the music traveled through the stone walls.

Chilled by the cool air, they lay next to one another under the covers of the bed that they found when they had arrived. They soon began to kiss softly and Harry was comforted that Draco was acting more like his usual self.

But soon Draco's hands began traveling up and down Harry's body revealing that he wanted something more from him. Snuggling seemed to be the farthest thing from Draco's mind.

"Dray, I'm really tired and not really in the mood. Can't we just stick to kissing?"

"No. Come on Harry, I want you. Please?"

"No Draco. You're acting strangely tonight," Harry said in a frustrated voice. He tried to leave the bed but found himself pulled back down roughly.

"Stop it now. I said I don't want to fool around." He tried again to leave the bed so he could go sit by the fire, but this time he was shoved back on the bed. Draco climbed on top of him, straddling his legs.

"Hey!" He tried to yell, but he found he his lips were soon covered by Draco's. His boyfriend began to kiss him forcefully lacking any of the tenderness or passion that Harry was used. Draco grabbed Harry's arms as he began to struggle and placed them above his head. Draco was much taller and heavier than Harry, and he found himself feeling helpless.

"No Draco, stop it!" He shouted as the blond moved from his mouth to bite and suck on his neck. Harry felt one of his ands released and realized the Draco was now using his free hand to undo his slacks.

Painful memories began rushing back into Harry's mind despite the fact he had used a pensieve to rid his mind of them. He was being violated by his boyfriend much in the same way he was sexually abused by his uncle. He couldn't even fathom what was happening to him right now. To Harry's confused mind, Draco's face began to look like that of his Uncle Vernon and he was truly frightened. He began crying freely and begged Draco to stop.

He felt the blonds hand close in around his flaccid member, and he bucked his body upwards in an attempt to dislodge Draco off of him. "Stop!" he shouted as he jumped off of the bed. He quickly zipped up and buttoned his pants and backed away from his boyfriend.

"I said that I want you, and Malfoys always get what they want. Get over here now!"

Harry shook his head no as he began to tremble. He had no idea what he should do, and he was too scared to move. He backed up as far as he could and felt the couch behind him. Draco approached him with an evil gleam in his eye. _Something must be wrong with him. Draco would never do this to me! Would he?_

"It would do you well not to disobey me again! Get over here!"

"No!" Harry shouted. "You know I can't yet. Why are you pushing me? You said we could wait!" He wiped away his tears feeling a little more angry than scared now.

"Excuse me? What do you mean by no? I have _waited_! Months! How long do you expect me to stick around with you if you won't even put out?"

Harry stared at him open mouthed. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. It was as if his worse fears were coming to life before his very eyes.

"B-but you said…" He tried but he was crying to hard now to form words that would sound coherent. He was near hysterical as Draco approached him again.

"Calm down… I won't hurt you… I just want to be with you…." said Draco. His voice had changed into something icky sweet, but his words were forced and sounded false in their meaning. Harry knew from experience that that tone of voice only meant trouble.

Draco reached out to him and pulled Harry against him, kissing him deeply once again. He tried to get away but he was being held to tightly. "No, don't…." Harry whimpered as he trembled in the blonde's arms. Draco then reached in front of him and grabbed at Harry's groin roughly and gave a throaty growl. "Stop it!" yelled Harry as he slapped Draco hard across the face.

"You ungrateful brat! All I am trying to do is show you how much I love you, and this is how I get treated? How dare you strike me!" shouted Draco.

He pushed Harry roughly against the couch and then punched him across the face. Harry looked up at him terrified as he held his sore jaw in his hand.

"You need to be taught a lesson!" Draco yelled, spittle flying from his mouth. Harry fell to the floor as he felt himself punched once again. He was about to stand back up to defend himself when he felt a kick to his ribs. He wrapped his arms around his torso in pain and looked back up at Draco pleading with him to stop, tears in his eyes. There was a strange look on Draco's face. He no longer looked angry, but rather puzzled.

"Please stop… Dray… something is wrong with you…. Stop….."

Draco, knelt down before him, and looked at him funny. Harry heard a voice from the hallway and recognized it as Blaise's. "Harry? Draco? Are you in there? I need to talk to you!" The dark haired boy pounded on the door from the other side.

Draco looked at the closed door and back at Harry his eyes clouded with bewilderment. He then glanced down at the knuckles in his right hand, and touched it softly with his left hand as if he was pain. Harry began to pick himself off of the floor, moving slowly so he wouldn't alarm him.

They heard Blaise knocking on the door again. Draco looked up him, the confusion about the situation was apparent in his eyes. He finally got a good look at the terror on Harry's face. "Harry?" he asked in a concerned voice. "What have I done?" he asked as his own eyes filled with tears.

Taking advantage of Draco's momentary lapse in beating him, Harry scrambled to his feet and ran across the room. Throwing open the door, he pushed past a surprised Blaise and ran down the hallway. He heard Draco yell after him, "Harry!" He wondered if he would try to follow him, and fear gripped his heart once again.

He ran blindly not really knowing where he was going, but hoping that his feet would carry him back to the dormitory. His face and abdomen burned painfully as he ran, and he was vaguely aware that the music had stopped. He wondered if the party had ended and hoped that he would make it back to his dorm room without being seen.

"Harry? Are you alright?" asked Ron who had suddenly appeared before him in the corridor. "I came looking for you after the party. Draco was acting kind of weird."

Harry looked up at his tall red headed friend and the dam broke completely. He began sobbing uncontrollably as Ron wrapped his arms carefully around his friend. He tried to form the words to tell his best friend what was wrong, but he was to heart broken to even comprehend what had just happened. He wiped away his tears with the back of his hand and tried to maintain some composure. His stomach was hurting something fierce and he wrapped his arms tightly around it.

"Harry, what happened to your face? You've got a bruise on the side of you jaw…." said Ron as he got a good look at his best friend.

Harry looked up at him, his emerald green eyes conveying everything. "Draco did this, didn't he? He hurt you?" asked Ron carefully.

Harry nodded his eyes filling with tears once again.

"What happened? Did you get in a fight?" asked Ron putting his arm around Harry's shoulders.

Harry thought about the question as he felt himself steered in the direction of the hospital wing. "Um… I don't know… kind of…"

"What happened?" Ron tried again.

"He… h-he tried….tried to… wanted to…" Harry looked up at him as he tried to say the words, but he knew he would never be able to. It was to frightening to comprehend. Would Draco really have tried to rape him or was he just being too forward?

"Oh gods," said Ron as the realization began to dawn on his face. "I am going to fucking kill him! We all thought that he had changed, but I guess he is a Malfoy after all. I knew that son-of-a-bitch was full of it. When I get my hands on him…"

As they turned the corner of the hallway, they suddenly found themselves staring at none other than Blaise and Draco in the middle of the corridor. Draco's face was red and smeared with tears. His eyes were bloodshot from crying so hard and he looked completely miserable. Blaise didn't look all that well himself for that matter.

"Harry, oh my gods, I am so sorry baby. I have to tell you…." Draco tried to plead with him. But Harry backed away from quickly as he saw his arms reaching out for him. He turned his face away and started taking quick shallow breaths. He was terrified of what Draco may do to him if he said the wrong thing again.

"Speak of the devil. Here's the bastard himself," said Ron angrily. He straightened himself up to his full height, towering his large form over Draco's. He pushed Draco right up against the wall, gripping the front of his shirt in both of his fists.

"You think its fun to beat up Harry! After everything he has been through, how could you even think about touching him!" Ron shouted in his face as he slammed the blond haired boy up against the wall. Draco's head collided with the wall and he looked like he might pass out from the blow.

"Ron you don't understand… something is wrong with me… I would never hurt Harry…."

"Bullshit! You beat the crap out of him you fucking bastard!" screamed Ron. He pulled his arm back and slugged Draco as hard as he could. His fist collided with his temple and Draco slid to the floor. Before Ron could do any further damage, Blaise was restraining him from behind.

"Ron, stop! Something is wrong with him! The same thing happened to me. I was hiding in the common room when I overheard a few Slytherins talk about how Crabbe and Goyle had slipped something into our drinks. They said that we would become what we hated most, and they were taking bets on what would happen to us... "

"What the hell are you talking about!" yelled Ron as he threw Blaise off of him. Harry stared strangely at Draco who was lying on the floor trying to get up. He wondered if it could be true what Blaise was saying. Harry could vaguely remember the Crabbe and Goyle bumping into him at the party. They certainly could have slipped something into their drinks then.

Blaise stood defiantly in front of Draco's body blocking Ron's view of him. "I swear I am telling the truth. What I hate most are spineless cowards who are afraid of everything and never take chances… Ron, I found myself hiding under a table terrified of every little noise I heard. I have never felt that way in my life. The sound of the door opening and not knowing who was behind it sent me into a panic attack… Don't you see… this potion makes you act out your worst fears… that's what happened to Draco! He didn't mean to hurt Harry!"

"Oh yeah, let's find out," said Ron as he pushed Blaise aside. He reached down and hoisted Draco up by the shirt collar. "Draco, if Blaise is right and the potion makes you become what you hate most, then what did you become…."

"My father…" Draco whispered. He seemed to be struggling to stay awake, but his eyes finally rolled into the back of his head as he succumbed to unconsciousness.

A/N: Sorry to leave you hanging again. My muse has been getting out of control when I write these chapters. I had to end it somehow and what's better than a cliffie. As you may or may not know, I receive my inspiration from a variety of sources, but my greatest inspiration comes from the songs by the band called Linkin Park. I find that because I lead such a mundane and ordinary life that I need their angsty music to put me in the right mood to write. The song "Figure" inspired this chapter and I can imagine Draco singing this song as he felt himself become what he hated most, his father. Sorry I can't share the lyrics, but I'm sure you could find them online yourself if your curious. Just a reminder, Lucius was never sexually abusive with Draco in Bring Me to Life. However, Harry and Draco are in a relationship so I felt that it would be appropriate for Draco's misdirected anger to take that turn.

**Many thanks to my beta Drae and all my reviewers! Love ya!**


	16. Matters of the Heart

**Chapter 16- Matters of the Heart**

"Stop it! Leave him alone!" shouted Blaise as he continued to pull on Ron's arm.

Ron was currently gripping the collar of Draco's shirt and staring down at his now bruised face. Draco had just passed out from the blow he sustained to his head when Ron slammed up against the wall moments ago. His unconscious body was putting a strain on Ron's forearms, and he was no longer able to stand the burning in his muscles so he simply dropped him onto the floor, glaring at him in disgust. Luckily Blaise caught Draco's upper body before he fell completely and gently lowered him to the floor.

Ron made his way back over to where Harry was standing against the wall gripping his stomach tightly with his arms. He was still taking shallow breaths and seemed to be staring at Draco's body oddly. His slight form trembled from his recent experience and the chilled air in the corridor

"Are you alright, Harry?" asked Ron touching Harry's shoulder gently.

The small boy flinched at the touch, but looked up into his friend's face and shook his head. This whole situation felt like a complete nightmare. Just when everything seemed like it was all falling into place, life threw another curve ball at him.

"Ron you shouldn't have…." Harry tried to protest, but Ron didn't seem to want to listen to him. "Ron…."

"Harry, he deserved it. He beat you up and probably would have done more if you hadn't gotten away…." Ron said softly. Harry looked at his friend horrified. Usually Ron wasn't so intuitive, but he seemed to be able to assess what happened fairly accurately.

"We should get you to the hospital wing," said Ron, carefully examining his face.

"No, Draco's hurt too…." said Harry softly. As much as he was afraid of his boyfriend right now, it still pained in him to see him unconscious like that. He had somehow sensed that there was something wrong with Draco earlier, but he hadn't known what was wrong at the time. He really didn't know how he felt about everything just yet. Mostly he felt hurt and confused. Memories of the past and what had happened only moments earlier were swirling around his tired mind.

"Why do you care if he is hurt or not?" asked Ron angrily. "Do I need to remind you what that son-of-a-bitch did to you!"

"No, but…"

"But nothing! Let's go," he said bitterly. He grabbed Harry by the elbow and began to steer him towards the hospital wing once again.

"C'mon Draco, wake up," they heard Blaise say. The dark haired boy was kneeling beside Draco, tapping his face gently to rouse him. Finally determining that Draco would not awaken any time soon, he stood up quickly and blocked Ron and Harry's passage. "Why didn't you listen to me Ron! I told you something was wrong with him! You didn't have to go and hit him like that!"

"How did I know that he wasn't going to try and hurt Harry again? I don't care what is wrong with him; nothing excuses him from hurting one of my friends!"

"But it's not his fault!" shouted Blaise. Ron scowled angrily and tried to walk around him, but Blaise continued to block their path.

"Move out of our way!" the red head shouted as he used his free arm to try and push Blaise out of the way.

"No, not until you listen to reason!" yelled Blaise pushing Ron back.

The two boys were so wrapped up their little spat that neither saw the professor walking hurriedly down the corridor, his robes billowing softly behind him. Harry watched the scene before him wide eyed.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON HERE? I COULD HEAR YOU ALL SHOUTING FROM A CORRIDOR AWAY!" Snape yelled angrily. It was then that the professor saw his godson lying unconscious on the cold floor.

"Draco…." He knelt beside his godson and touched his bruised face gently. "What happened!"

"Weasley slammed him up against a wall and then punched his lights out! He probably has a concussion!" Blaise replied quickly.

"What?" said Snape turning his head quickly and glaring at Ron with a murderous look in his eyes. "Explain yourself!"

"Draco came on to Harry a little too strong and then beat him up! I was just taking Harry to the hospital wing when we ran into these two. I am sorry sir, but he had no right to hurt Harry like that," said Ron heatedly.

"What?" Snape asked in complete shock. He looked back down at his godson in confusion.

"Sir, it's not like you think. Draco was acting strangely because he was slipped a potion that made him act out aggressively! He didn't mean to hurt Harry," Blaise tried to explain.

"What potion? What are you talking about?"

"I-I don't know. I think it may have been Crabbe and Goyle. The potion affected me too… only I was felt terrified of everything. While I was hiding, I overhead some of the other Slytherins taking bets about what would happen to us. They said something about us becoming what we hated most…." Blaise's voice trailed off as he remembered Draco's words before he went unconscious.

Snape stood up and walked towards Harry who was still trembling. The professor gently lifted Harry's chin up with one of fingers and looked into his tear filled eyes. "Is this true? Did Draco really hurt you?" he asked softly.

Harry nodded and then looked away. As he did Snape got a good look at the bruises that had developed on his face and he sighed deeply.

"Alright, I am going to take the both of them to the hospital wing. You two," said Snape pointing at Ron and then at Blaise, "are going to go straight to the headmaster's office to wait for me. We are going to straighten this entire mess out."

"No!" said Ron.

"Excuse me, Mr. Weasley?" said Snape, giving him one of his best sneers.

"I'm not going to the headmaster's office. I am staying with Harry. Nothing you say will make me leave his side."

"How dare you! You will do as I say or I will see you in detention!" said Snape sharply.

"I don't care. Give me all the detentions you want. I'm not going to let you take Harry to the hospital ward with Malfoy!" said Ron gesturing towards Draco. "What if he wakes up and decides to go after him once again? I am not leaving Harry's side as long as he is near him."

Snape sighed deeply and put his fingers near the bridge of his nose as if he were trying to ward off a headache. After a long while he spoke again. "We still don't know the details of this potion that Mr. Zabini is talking about. I understand your concern. You may stay with Potter for now."

"Hey, if Ron is going, then I want to too! I don't want Draco to be attacked by the likes of him either!"

"Fine then! Just stay out of the way!" he said in a defeated voice.

Snape then carefully lifted his godson from off of the ground and carried him to the infirmary, leaving the others to follow behind him quietly. When they arrived, the professor quickly explained the situation to the nurse and then set out to investigate what had happened.

Madame Pomfrey separated Harry and Draco per Ron and Blaise's request and set to work healing them both. After a number of spells and potions were administered, the boys were left to rest peacefully at opposite ends of the hospital wing. Ron and Blaise each sat beside their friend carefully guarding them and trying desperately not to fall asleep at this late hour.

Harry lay in bed quietly, pretending to sleep. It was a habit that he had gotten used to while living with the Dursleys. He didn't like to be caught unaware, and he was still feeling rather apprehensive about what had happened. He was exhausted, but sleep seemed as if it would never come. He was still reeling from when he was attacked by Draco, and he was having trouble understanding what had prompted the attack. Blaise had said something about a potion that causes you to become what you hated most, and Draco had said that he became his father. Harry shuddered at the thought as he remembered all of the awful stories Draco had told him about his father. He wanted to believe Draco and Blaise so badly, but a part of him felt the need to be guarded.

After a long while, he heard the doors to the infirmary open and close as three pairs of footsteps entered. Not wanting to turn his head and alert the others that he was still awake, he listened carefully to find out what was going on.

"Mr. Weasley, Mr. Zabini, can we speak to you please?" he heard the headmaster ask them quietly. He heard Ron scoot his chair away from the hospital bed and then listened as he walked over to the others.

"How are they, Poppy?" asked a voice that Harry identified as belonging to Remus Lupin.

"They have both been healed completely and are just resting now. I was a little concerned about Draco's head injury but we caught it soon enough that there will be no lasting damage. Professor, any word on what type of potion these boys ingested? I would have liked to have treated them sooner with an antidote or something, but I had to wait until I knew something for sure," Harry heard the nurse ask.

"We have been investigating this matter thoroughly and we feel that we have come to some sort of conclusion about the cause of what happened. Professor Snape was able to use a tracking charm to locate any cauldrons that had been fired recently. Lucky for us, none of his Potions classes were assigned homework that required practical application. He was able locate only one recently used cauldron in one of the abandoned classrooms in the dungeons."

Snape then took over in this part of the conversation. "I examined the residue left behind and discovered that it was from a potion called _Factus Contemno. _As you have already guessed, the potion when ingested causes the person to become what they hate most. In Blaise's case he became fearful… where as Draco became violent. It is mildly difficult to brew, but the ingredients are rather easy to come by. There is no need for further treatment. Its affects last only an hour or so. Mr. Malfoy and Mr. Zabini should already begin to feel back to normal."

"Yeah, I do," Harry heard Blaise admit.

"What about the creeps who slipped them the potion in the first place?" asked Ron.

"Well, we know that you all feel strongly that Mr. Crabbe and Mr. Goyle were responsible for what happened tonight. We have questioned them under a mild truth serum and found this to be true. They were aided in making the potion by a seventh year, who shall remain nameless for now," said the headmaster.

"So are they going to be expelled or what?" asked Ron.

"The three students have been suspended for one month," said Remus, but by the sound in his voice it appeared as if he felt that this punishment was not suitable enough.

"What? That's ridiculous…" began Ron but he was cut off sharply by Snape's reply.

"I suggest that you hold your tongue Mr. Weasley. You're lucky that McGonagall let you off without a detention or being suspended, even though you did strike another student. Say one more word and I will personally see you every night in detention for a month!" Snape said menacingly.

"What about Draco?" asked Blaise.

"I do not feel that he was acting of his own accord, so Mr. Malfoy will not be punished at this time. I am sure that he feels bad enough about this situation already," said Dumbledore

Ron made a sound like he wanted to say something, but he quickly stifled it.

"Now, it is quite late, and I feel that you should both return to your dormitories for some much needed rest," said Dumbledore.

"But, I want to stay with Harry…."

"Mr. Weasley, Draco is no longer under the influence of the potion. I assure you that your friend is perfectly safe while under Madame Pomfrey's care," said Snape surprisingly reassuring.

"Alright," said Ron resentfully. Harry listened as Blaise and his devoted friend left quietly. The professors stayed behind for a few moments and were talking in hushed voices. Harry was having difficulty making out what they were saying so he gave up trying.

A few moments a later a pair of footsteps walked over to where he was lying. Harry was facing away from the visitor so he could only guess who it may be. A hand reached out to him and brushed the hair on his forehead back gently. Harry could only assume that it was Remus and had to refrain himself from flinching at the touch. He was in no mood right now and wanted them to still think he was sleeping. He heard Remus sigh deeply and say softly to himself, "Why do these always have to happen to _him_? I hope that he will still let me help him after all this." After a short while, Remus walked away and left the infirmary.

Soon the other professors left as well, leaving Harry alone with only Draco in the room. Sure the school nurse checked on the both now and again, but for the most part they were quite alone.

Harry lay awake in the darkened room for many hours, and at one point he heard Draco shift uncomfortably in his bed. He stiffened at the sound and his heart began to race wondering whether or not Draco was awake too. He was somewhat frightened although he wasn't really sure why. Harry knew that Draco was no longer under the influence of the potion, but somehow lying in the dark listening to the sounds in the night was a little too reminiscent of his time spent at the Dursleys.

Suddenly he heard a small noise that sounded somewhat like a whimper. At first he thought he was just hearing things, but soon the sound began to grow louder. He then realized that Draco was crying softly. Harry wanted so badly to go and comfort the young man that he loved, but he was frightened just the same. His heart and mind were now waged in a battle of sorts. He wanted to forgive but he couldn't forget.

Then he heard his voice, "I'm sorry, Harry…" Draco had whispered into the darkness. Harry couldn't be sure if he knew he was awake or not, but he stayed quiet just the same. He didn't want to respond to him right now, no matter how much it was breaking his heart. He needed time to think about things.

Soon his crying subsided, and Harry was sure by the pattern of his breathing that Draco had fallen asleep again. He waited most of the night for sleep to come, but all he could do was think about those horrible minutes in which Draco had attacked him. They played over and over again in his mind like an endless loop.

Harry didn't remember ever falling asleep, but he soon found himself in the middle of a strange dream.

_He was finally free, but there was no time to celebrate such a victory. He was on a mission, one that he had thought about nonstop since he had seen the newspaper that Fudge had given him. Peter would be at Hogwarts once again, disguised as a pet rat. He had to get to his godson before Peter did. He wouldn't let another soul die because of that worthless traitor!_

_It was dark outside, but the air was warm. A light breeze stirred the air sending a thousand different scents in his direction. His canine nose could expertly discern the difference between each one, but none of the smells seemed to be the one he was looking for._

_Making sure he stayed in the shadows he plodded onwards, zigzagging his way across the street looking for a scent to tell him he was going in the right direction. He remembered that Lily had mentioned long ago that her sister lived somewhere in Surrey, but he didn't have an address to go by. Thankfully, in his animagus form, he would hopefully be able to track his godson. His mission would be difficult, however. It had been almost eleven years since he had last seen Harry, and he could only vaguely remember the boy's scent._

_He looked up and saw a street sign, Magnolia Crescent. That had to be somewhere close to where is godson now resided with his aunt and uncle. A familiar scent caught his attention and he felt his senses heighten in anticipation. It was then that he saw a dark haired boy desperately trying to lug a large trunk down the street. It was a most peculiar sight to see, but he couldn't determine if the boy was Harry or not. He crept through the shadows and found himself hiding in a narrow gap between a garage and a fence of one of the suburban homes._

_He watched as the boy stopped briefly to rest. He seemed to be quite agitated. Dragging that heavy trunk must have taken quite a bit of effort. The boy then bent over his trunk and opened it. He peered inside as if he were looking for something in particular. Sensing that someone or something was watching him, he stood up and glanced around worriedly. Seeing nothing, the boy bent over his trunk once again._

_It was then that he realized that the boy was none other than Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, his beloved godson. He looked just like James, right down to his pitch black hair and trademark glasses. He was smaller than James had been at that age, but it was his son nonetheless. Not able to contain his excitement much longer he crept forward and out of the shadows. He had no idea what he was going to do, but he needed to see Harry again. It had been so long!_

_It appeared as if Harry had sensed that he was watching him, and the boy stood up quickly with his wand in his had. He squinted at the black alleyway, but it didn't appear as if he saw anything. Suddenly, he heard Harry mutter the simple incantation 'Lumos,' and hold his wand high over his head illuminating the pebble-dashed walls. It was then that Harry saw the hulking outline of his large black body._

_He watched as Harry stepped backward in surprise. His legs hit his trunk and he tripped. His wand flew out of his hand as he flung out an arm to break his fall, and he landed, hard, in the gutter. There was a deafening BANG, and Harry threw up his hands to shield his eyes against a sudden blinding light. Padfoot watched in horror as The Knight Bus came to a screeching halt. Harry had rolled back onto the pavement, just in time. His godson had almost been run over by the violently purple, triple-decker bus, which had appeared out of thin air. _

_The conductor stepped outside the bus and made his introductions. As he did, Padfoot slipped out of his hiding spot and made his way through the shadows to another location where he could watch his godson without being seen. Harry glanced at his surroundings quickly before boarding the large bus._

_Padfoot then watched as the bus disappeared into thin air again with a heavy heart. He had missed his only opportunity to reach his godson before he went back to Hogwarts. He had not idea where Harry was going or how else to reach him._

_Not knowing what else to do, he began running north, hoping to reach Hogwarts before his godson did. His self proclaimed mission was to protect him and to find Peter. It was the only way he would ever prove his innocence. His exhausting journey would take him weeks, but he knew of no other way to reach his destination. His wand had been snapped long ago and he was without any money._

_He ran as fast as he could, gaining speed with each passing stride. The wind ruffled his fur slightly and felt refreshing. He hadn't felt the wind on his body for Gods knows how long. It was only then that he began to feel the exhilaration of his stolen freedom. He was glad to be rid of those prison walls, but his freedom came at a price. He would never lead a normal life again until Peter was found. Life on the run was not much of a life at all…_

Harry sensed that the "dream memory" had come to an end and became aware of his surroundings. He was warm and comfortable and he was vaguely aware of someone holding his hand. He slowly opened his eyes to see the face of his beloved Draco watching him. Strangely, his eyes seemed red like he had been upset about something, and Harry wondered about it. Harry sensed that it was still fairly early in the morning because the light was dim in the room he had awoken in.

Draco looked so beautiful sitting beside him with his hair disheveled from sleep. Harry was about to smile at him, but he then realized that Draco was dressed in ugly hospital pajamas. Harry glanced at his surroundings and realized that he was in the school infirmary. The memory of what happened last night came rushing back to him and his chest swelled with emotion. He quickly ripped his hand away from Draco and sat up in bed. He then scooted up against the headboard with his knees drawn up, wrapping his arms around his legs in a protective manner.

"I'm sorry, Harry, I don't mean to scare you. I thought you were having one of those dreams about Sirius because you were murmuring stuff in your sleep. I know how much those dreams bother you so I thought that you might need someone to hold your hand."

Harry didn't say anything, but watched Draco warily. He didn't think that Draco would hurt him again because he knew now that the potion had caused him to act the way he did, but the memory was still too fresh. He couldn't ever forget that look in Draco's eyes when he had been taking advantage of him. It was the same lustful look that his Uncle Vernon had bestowed on him when he raped him in a drunken rage. Things like that stayed with you no matter how many times you use a pensieve.

"Harry… I'm sorry…. I'm so sorry… You know that I would never intentionally hurt you, right? I can't imagine how you must be feeling…. I'm so sorry…." said Draco looking at him with watery eyes.

Harry looked at him and wanted to cry as well, but there were no tears left. He was so emotionally drained from everything that had happened. He was sad, angry, confused, frustrated, and a thousand other emotions all at once. Nothing seemed like it would ever be right again. He didn't know what to say so he sat there in silence staring at his bed covers.

"Harry?" Draco tried to get his attention, but he merely looked away. "Say something…"

"What do you want me to say?" asked Harry coldly.

"I don't know… _anything_… that you hate me… that you understand… that you …. l-love me still…anything…" Draco's eyes were now filled with tears. One of them escaped and slid down his face slowly.

Harry took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. He was still so confused about everything. He didn't know what to say to him right now. Draco's chin was trembling in an effort not to cry.

Draco tried again, "I am so afraid that I have lost you… that you can never forgive me… Oh gods… I love you so much… I couldn't bear it if you left me…" Draco buried his face in his hands as he began to cry more openly.

Deep down Harry knew that no matter what had happened that he still loved Draco. A huge chunk of his heart and soul would be missing if he was no longer in Harry's life. Seeing his boyfriend so distraught, he reached out to him tentatively with his hand. He then stroked his pale blond hair and Draco looked up at him expectantly. "I could never stop loving you, Dray… I think I can forgive you with time…. but I can never forget…"

"Oh Harry… I love you so much… I'm so sorry…."

"I know… I know it's not your fault, but…"

"You're still a little afraid of me?" Draco finished for him and Harry nodded.

"I understand. We can start over, can't we? I mean, we can at least be friends at first and see where that goes. I know that you may never want to be intimate with me again, but…."

"Don't… just don't," said Harry. He touched his own lips gently with the tips of his fingers as he thought back to how forcefully and painfully Draco had kissed him last night. The mere thought of Draco talking about being intimate was too much for Harry to take. He would never forget those lust filled eyes that had seemed so much like Uncle Vernon's.

"I'm sorry... I don't mean to…." Draco gave up in frustration.

"I know… its okay," Harry replied.

Harry had been staring at his covers for some time now, and decided to raise his head to meet his beloved's face. Their eyes met for only a moment, but their souls communicated a thousand words without even needing to speak. They had reached a wordless understanding that only they would ever understand. They were soul mates, bound by love for eternity and endowed with an ancient knowledge of what being a soul mate truly meant. Regardless of what would happen in their lives, fate would continually bring them together even if they tried to be apart. Their destiny was with each other, despite all the misery that their lives seemed to perpetually bring down upon them. Harry needed Draco, now as much as ever. They had a lot to still overcome, but he knew that with Draco was where he belonged.

In some small way, Harry had already forgiven him without even knowing it. He gave Draco a sad smile and looked back down at his covers wondering if anything needed to be said.

"Harry? Can I at least hug you right now?" Draco looked at him hopefully. "It's okay if you don't want to," he added. It appeared as if Draco had understood his silent forgiveness.

Harry nodded and Draco moved beside him on the bed. He felt himself enveloped in one of the gentlest hugs he had ever received. It was as if Draco was trying to hug him without touching him so as not to alarm him. Harry wrapped his arms around Draco and felt the other boy's arms tighten around him slightly. It felt warm and nice in his beloved's arms.

"I love you," Harry whispered. Harry knew that Draco's emotions were tightly strung right now and that he needed to hear those three precious words. Harry hated to think what Draco must be going through becoming what he hated most… his father. He was sure that the situation had brought up a lot of past memories for him as well and that he needed Harry right now as much as Harry needed him.

"Oh gods, love. … I'm so sorry…. I love you too," said Draco as he began to cry once again.

They sat that way for a long time, just holding one another gently and resting their heads on each others shoulder. They were soon cut from their reverie when they heard an angry shout.

"What the hell is this!"

They jumped apart and quickly turned their heads to see who had interrupted them. Ron had just entered the infirmary and his face was beat red in anger. Hermione was right behind him looking equally bewildered.

"Malfoy, get the hell away from him! You have no right to be near him after what you did last night!" yelled Ron as he stormed across the hospital ward.

"Ron…" Harry tried.

"I said get the hell away from him!" said Ron who reached across the bed and pushed Draco to the floor.

"Hey, what the fuck!" shouted Draco as he stood up rubbing his side from where he had fallen. "Weasley, everything is fine now. Stop being an ass!"

Harry stood up from the hospital bed and put himself in between Ron and Draco, giving Draco a look that clearly said- _Let me handle this!_ The tall blond crossed his arms and looked away in defeat.

"Ron stop this! You don't need to protect me anymore. What happened last night was not Draco's fault, and I am not going to blame him," said Harry. Ron looked at him open mouthed as if he was not understanding what his friend was saying. "Draco and I have made up, okay," he said, hoping that everything would be cleared up.

Ron scowled angrily and walked away towards the other end of the infirmary muttering to himself. He kicked a few of the hospital beds and earned a glare from the school nurse who stuck her head out of her office to determine the cause of the noise.

Hermione took the opportunity to go and see how her friend was doing. Seeing Draco now sitting on another bed, she cast him a disapproving glance. The look on her face that she was just as angry as Ron was, but she was containing her emotions right now for Harry's benefit. She hugged him carefully as if he might break and pulled back to look into his face. They were still the same height after all these years. "Harry, are you okay? Ron told me what happened. I can't imagine what you must be going through right now…"

Harry cut her off," I'm fine 'Mione. I just want to forget what happened…"

"How can you forget Harry!" shouted Ron as he came towards the group once again. "I don't understand why you are even being civil to that bastard!"

"Ronald, lower your voice!" Hermione reprimanded upon seeing another glance from Madame Pomfrey from her office. "You're going to get us kicked out of here."

"Ron, you probably wouldn't understand this but… well I just know that Draco didn't mean to hurt me. I can't blame him. Okay?" Harry tried.

"What do you mean I wouldn't understand? Do you think that I'm I thick headed or something?" asked Ron angrily. _Yeah, something like that_, thought Harry.

"Shut up Weasley. You know what he meant!" said Malfoy as he came to stand beside Harry and Hermione.

"Maybe we should all just go sit down and discuss this," offered Hermione.

"There is nothing to discuss, Hermione. It's pretty simple. Malfoy is the asshole that beat the crap out of Harry last night and now he has brainwashed him to forgive him. Like nothing happened!" said Ron

"Ron you know that he was under the influence of that awful potion! You said so yourself," said Hermione. She looked as if she were coming to her own understanding as she tried to diffuse the situation.

"Yes, but that still doesn't excuse the fact that he hurt Harry. He should have been able to overcome it or something and see what he was doing! He promised me that he would never hurt him, but he was just a filthy liar!"

"You're one to talk Ron! Don't you remember being hit with that curse in the Department of Mysteries. You were so out of it you stuck your hand in that strange tank and were attacked by a brain! Draco wasn't able to overcome the potion and control his actions no more than you were able to overcome that curse," said Harry trying to reason with his best friend.

Ron looked down at his arms quickly. They were covered by the sleeves of his sweater, but he looked at them as if he were remembering the incident and the scars that lay hidden beneath the woolen material. He sighed and looked back up at the group pondering Harry's words.

"That was different," Ron said finally.

"How?" asked Harry.

"Because… I only brought harm to myself; no one else. He hurt you Harry, and that is what matters to me right now."

"But Ron, because of that curse you weren't able to help us defend ourselves against the death eaters. You may have only harmed yourself, but you weren't able to protect us either," said Hermione softly remembering her own incident on that faithful night. They had all been so terrified at what was happening that it wasn't until later that they were able to understand the full magnitude of what had happened.

"That's really low, Hermione," muttered Ron looking away. "You know I would have tried to protect you if I could."

"I know that, but you aren't seeing the bigger picture here. Draco wouldn't have hurt Harry if he could have helped it," she said.

"This is different. We are talking about Harry here," said Ron softly, looking away.

"What the hell are you talking about, Ron? What does it matter? I'm fine now, okay?" said Harry.

"No it's not okay! I swore to myself after I saw what you went through living with the Dursleys that I would never let you come to harm like that again. Malfoy made me a promise that he obviously couldn't keep, and you paid the price," said Ron.

Draco responded angrily, "Weasley you have no idea what you are talking about. Why can't you just listen to reason! You know I love Harry!"

"Shut up! You're supposed to be soul mates, aren't you? How does a soul mate do that do the one he loves? How do you nearly…."

Draco shot him a look as if he was daring Ron to say something further. He looked like he was ready to pounce on him and it frightened Harry somewhat.

"I don't approve of you still being with him, Harry," said Ron more calmly.

"Ron… you don't have the right to control Harry's life or the choices that he makes," said Hermione.

"You didn't see him last night, Hermione. He was completely terrified of Draco. I have seen that fear in his eyes before and I never want to see it again. What if that potion is still in his system or something and he hurts Harry again? What then?"

"I would never intentionally hurt Harry and besides, Severus said that the potion's effects only lasted an hour or so," said Draco.

Ron looked away from him disgustedly. "I don't care what anyone says. Harry, I don't want you seeing him anymore. He will only bring you more pain…."

"Ron… you don't get to make that decision… I love him… whether you like it or not…" said Harry.

"Well, it's him or me Harry… that's all there is to it…"

"What! You can't make me choose like that…" said Harry flabbergasted.

"Ron, stop this…" Hermione tried.

"Weasley, stop being an idiot!" Draco yelled.

"No… that is the way it's going to have to be. I will not stand by and watch the two of them be together when Malfoy tried to take advantage of Harry last night…"

"Harry?" asked Draco as he looked at him expectantly. He seemed confident that Harry would choose his boyfriend over his best friend.

"What's it going to be…." said Ron. He appeared just as confident at Draco betting that their friendship would pull them through this catastrophe.

"Harry, you don't have to do this," said Hermione.

"I won't choose then…" Harry said barely above a whisper.

"What?" they all asked.

"I won't choose..." said Harry, turning his back and walking away.

"Harry, please don't leave… we'll figure this out…" pleaded Draco as he hurried to catch up to him, grabbing his arm.

Startled at the sudden pressure on his arm, Harry jerked his arm away fearfully.

"Just leave me alone…." he said with a slight hitch in his voice.

"Harry, Draco's right. We'll figure this out…" Hermione tried, walking towards him.

Harry paused at the infirmary's door and looked back at the group. Each of their faces were a mixture of emotions that were impossible to read right now.

"I want to be alone… don't follow me…" he warned.

Harry walked out into the corridor barefoot and still clad in his hospital pajamas. He was really cold, but he didn't care. He was glad to be out of that room and away from them. He walked down the hall listening to Hermione and Draco yelling at Ron and then being scolded by the school nurse.

He wanted nothing more than to be alone right now so he decided to go up to the astronomy tower. He hoped that he wouldn't run into any other students on the way. He must look quite awkward strolling down the middle of the hallway in his pajamas.

Nothing made sense anymore and he was thoroughly confused. Harry had been quick to forgive Draco because he truly believed in the good in him, but did Ron see something that he couldn't? Was Ron right about Draco only bringing him pain? How could they possibly expect them to choose between the people he loved most?

Ron was practically his brother, and he looked up to him for support and guidance. He had been there for Harry at many dark hours in his life and he couldn't imagine life without him. That went the same for his beloved Draco. He loved him with all his heart, but a part of him was scared of their relationship and what it may bring.

He climbed the many stairs until he reached the top and opened the wooden door. Finding the highest room in the castle empty, he closed the door behind him and walked over to the window. It was a miserable day. Gray, dull, and lousy. The weather seemed to match his mood well. He turned around and slowly slid down against the stone wall to the floor where he preceded to curl up in a ball.

He felt the need to cry so badly, his chest ached from the weight of his emotions, but the tears wouldn't come. He was too emotionally exhausted to cry at this point. _Why did life always have to be so hard?_

A/N: There you go, another chapter done. I really liked this one, but not as much as the last one. The next chapter truly begins the focus of my plot (Sirius's memories) and _all_ will be revealed soon. The potion, _Factus Contemno,_ is Latin for "Become Hate."

**Many thanks to my fabulous beta Drae and all my reviewers!**


	17. Echoes of the Mind

**Warning:** May trigger cutting! Please do not read if you feel you may endanger yourself. I am not a cutter, but I feel that this chapter is particularly graphic!

**Chapter 17- Echoes of the Mind**

_For the first time in what seemed like forever, Sirius was having a good time; a really good time. Sirius never looked forward to the winter holidays as it meant that he would have to be home with the family. There was nothing he detested more than pretending to be something that he wasn't while he was at the manor. But this year was different. His father, Orion Black, was out of the country on business and wouldn't be home for another few days. In addition, his mother had been keeping to herself mostly, but had allowed the boys a visit from their cousin Bellatrix. _

_Regulus and Sirius were currently engaged in a wizarding duel of sorts with their older cousin. Their favourite game was more like a combination of the muggle games freeze tag and hide-and-go-seek, only in their version they had to "tag" one another by using various spells and curses; only the harmless ones of course._

_Fortunately for them, the boys' father had enchanted their home so that the Ministry wouldn't detect any of the spells used by their wands. Orion Black had plenty to hide from the ministry so every necessary precaution was taken. The boys were free to do magic over the holiday without worrying about the consequences. Being the naturally mischievous beings that they were, they loved every minute of it._

_Teaming up against their cousin, Sirius stalked each room of the house closely followed by his younger brother. They hunted their prey from room to room their hearts beating wildly in anticipation. When it seemed as if they had searched every possible room in the manor they heard a shout from behind._

"_STUPEFY!" Bellatrix shouted as she aimed her wand at Regulus. The poor boy never knew what hit him as he fell helplessly to the floor._

_Sirius whirled around and fired off a spell of his own "TARATALLEGRA!" Unfortunately he wasn't quick enough and Bellatrix was able to throw up a shielding spell to block the curse._

"_Come on, you can do better than that!" shouted Bellatrix with a cheeky grin on her face. _

"_You always say that Bella…" said Sirius laughing._

"_INCARCEROUS," she said before Sirius could raise his wand again. Ropes shot out of her wand and began to wind their way around Sirius's waist. Seeing that she had defeated both of her cousins Bellatrix quickly ran over and began to tickle them mercilessly. She laughed gaily at her obvious victory and didn't let up until they cried "Merlin!"_

_No matter how hard he tried, Sirius never seemed to be able to beat his cousin…_

Harry raised his head groggily from his pillow and saw by the time on his alarm clock that he was late getting up this morning. Glancing around the dorm room he noticed that he was completely alone. Apparently everyone had gotten up already and headed down to breakfast. Harry had mistakenly said to his dorm mates that he "_just wanted to be left alone"_ one morning this week when he was feeling especially irritable and now he was wreaking the consequences. They had left him _alone_ … and left him to wake up late once again.

As he sat up in bed Harry realized that he had awoken from that dream with a mixture of feelings. He was thankful that the dream was a pleasant memory because he had experienced far too many nightmarish ones recently. These strange dreams had really begun to take their toll on him as well. He had spent another few sleepless nights dreading the moment in which he fell asleep. The ones about Dementors and Sirius's father were especially horrific. These more pleasant dreams were a welcome relief to some of the others.

Unfortunately, he was no closer to understanding this strange connection he had to his late godfather. Harry had thought about approaching Remus on a number of occasions about what he had been experiencing, but he didn't want to bring the man any more pain than he had already had. Besides, Remus had been away mostly investigating some things for Dumbledore and the Order. They hadn't had many opportunities to talk to each other in the way that they both needed. Mostly they discussed how Harry was dealing with everything that had happened since New Year's Eve.

Harry reflected on the memory for a moment before getting out of bed. "_Come on, you can do better than that!" _Bellatrix had said that to Sirius in the dream, but they had also been the last words his godfather said before he fell through the veil. Harry had always wondered why Sirius had said those words. They had seemed so out of place in the midst of battle. It was clear now that he had been egging on Bellatrix by mimicking his cousin's words during a game they played during their childhood. Harry wasn't sure how he felt about all that, so he decided to get up and get dressed before he dwelled on the death of his godfather any further.

Harry soon found himself inside the Great Hall, which was completely filled once again now that the few remaining students who stayed with their families had returned to Hogwarts for classes. He made his way over to the long table that housed the Gryffindors and sat down somewhat near his friends. Hermione and Ron were already seated and halfway through their own breakfasts. Not feeling particularly hungry, Harry reached for a large bagel anyway and began to smear some cream cheese on each half. It was better to force himself to eat something than hear about it from his friends and Remus later.

Harry glanced in the direction towards the Slytherin table and saw Draco watching him with a mild interest. He smiled sadly and went back to eating his breakfast knowing that his boyfriend was still staring at him. Nearly a week had passed since the New Year's Eve Bash and his relationships with both Ron and Draco were strained to say the least.

Harry sometimes relived those moments when Draco attacked him while he was trying to fall asleep, and it was everything that he could do to reassure himself that it was all some horrific mistake. His heart ached to be with Draco again despite everything that had happened, but their relationship would then affect his friendship with Ron who was being as pig-headed as ever. He needed them both desperately. Somehow Harry knew that this feud between Ron and Draco was something they had to work out themselves. He knew that in the end they would both wise up and see the error of their ways. He only hoped that they wouldn't take too long to come to their senses.

Hermione had found Harry in the Astronomy Tower in the late afternoon of New Year's Day. Despite the fact that Harry had warned them all not to follow them, she took it upon herself to look for him anyway. Hermione was willful in that way. As irritated as he was at her intrusion, he was grateful to see that she was carrying a woolen blanket in her arms. He had been so cold that he welcomed the blanket and Hermione's presence without hesitation.

They sat quietly with one another snuggling under the blanket and chatting idly. Finally, the topic of New Year's came up and Hermione informed him what had happened after he left the infirmary. Apparently things had gotten pretty heated between Ron and Draco again for a while there. Hermione told Harry that they had been shouting so loudly that Madame Pomfrey finally had to step in when she had finally had enough of their bickering. The school nurse lectured both boys for their blatantly stupid behavior and kicked them out into the hallway where they then parted ways.

Harry refused to choose between either of them, so he asked Hermione to tell the other two that until they could get along with each other that he wanted nothing to do with either one of them. Unfortunately, that was where the situation stood currently.

Harry didn't go out of his way to ignore them, but he didn't go out of his way to be with them either. Ron and Draco had finally decided to stop bickering, but Ron had yet to fully forgive Draco the way that Harry and Hermione had. He could be quite stubborn. Even when he could see the truth he was reluctant to forgive out of pride. Draco, despite the changes he had made to his character, was still a Slytherin at heart, and wouldn't back down from the situation. The tension that existed whenever Ron and Draco were in a room together was thick enough to cut with a knife. Harry knew that in time things would resolve themselves, but that didn't make the situation any easier now.

He peeked over at Hermione who was glancing at him shyly. He gave her a small smile and took a sip of his orange juice as she looked away.

"_Harry…"_

"Yeah?" he said as he turned his head in the direction he heard the voice. He had expected to see who was speaking to him, but to his surprise there was no one relatively close. No one was even looking at him for that matter. They were all engrossed in their own conversations and stuffing their faces. He looked down towards the other end of the table and observed his friends. Ron and Hermione were both quietly eating their breakfast and were saying very little. He shrugged his shoulders thinking he must have misunderstood or had just been overhearing someone else's conversation or something.

"_Harry…" _The voice sounded strangely distant, as if it were only an echo.

"What?" he asked irritably. He glanced around again looking for the owner of the voice, but again no one appeared to be talking to him. That time he knew he heard someone calling his name.

"Did you guys ask me something?" asked Harry looking at his friends.

"No… why?" asked Hermione thoroughly confused.

"Oh…. nothing…" he replied shaking his head.

"_Harry… please…"_ the voice whispered in desperation. Harry was startled once again and his face must have clearly showed it because Ron was looking at him curiously. It appeared that no one else had heard anything at all.

"Alright there, mate?" he asked.

"Yeah… just fine…" said Harry taking a sip of orange juice to hide his face. Ron was able to read him pretty well these days and he didn't want to alarm him until he knew what was going on. His heart beat quickened slightly as he thought about the disturbing voice. Everything was so confusing lately. First he was having strange dreams and now he was hearing voices again. He was starting to suspect that he was hearing things in his head, like he was delusional or something. He felt like he was going crazy.

"_Harry…"_ The voice was louder this time but it appeared as if no one else had heard it. He began to panic a bit and his stomach lurched wildly. This time Harry knew for _sure_ that what he heard was actually a product of his mind. Don't people with schizophrenia hear voices in their head? Is that what was wrong with him? This couldn't be normal!

Harry felt the need to escape the situation before anyone could figure out what was truly plaguing him. He excused himself by saying that he wasn't feeling very well, which was partly true, and walked as quickly as he could out of the Great Hall. Hermione and Ron looked on after him worried about the state that their friend was in.

Harry walked out into the lobby in front of the Great Hall. He took some deep cleansing breaths and shook his head slightly to literally clear his thoughts, but nothing worked. The sound of that voice was still echoing in his head like a distant memory. He leaned heavily against the wall near the front entrance and sighed deeply. He was starting to feel a bit light headed now and he gripped the wall for support.

Before he could gain his bearings, he heard the voice again. This time, much more clearly, "_Harry, help me!"_ He recognized the sound of the voice beyond a shadow of a doubt now. He had some suspicions when he was in the Great Hall, but now he was sure who it was. It was the same voice that haunted him in his dreams. It was the same voice that had used to comfort him whenever he was in need of some friendly advice. The ghostly voice clearly belonged to his godfather, Sirius, the man that Harry had inadvertently led to his death.

Tears sprung to his eyes as emotion overtook him. Was he crazy? If he wasn't, then what did that bizarre voice want from him? How could he help his godfather when Sirius was dead? Why was this happening to him?

Suddenly, Harry could not deal with everything any longer. He felt as if he was on a downward spiral of emotions that he felt would never end. Depression like he had never felt before set upon him and he felt a heaviness in his heart. He couldn't live like this! He desperately tried to think about what was happening to him and without meaning to he sent in his racing brain in overload thinking about everything. A chain reaction of sorts was triggered causing him to remember one awful memory after another in attempt to make sense of it all.

…_his dead godfather's voice echoing through his mind…_

…_Draco physically assaulting him on New Year's Eve…_

…_the conflict with Ron and Draco…_

…_the tragic night when Voldemort attacked Hogsmeade… _

…_his soul following Draco's into Limbo… _

…_Sirius falling through the veil…_

…_the deaths of his parents, Cedric, and so many others…_

…_the Dursleys… oh gods, VERNON_…

These events mixed together creating a swirling tornado of dangerous emotions. The bitter darkness crept into every corner of his heart, and Harry felt completely lost; utterly lost. It was just too much. _Too much! _

A panic attack like Harry had never felt before set in at full force. His heart began to race and his entire body broke out in sheen of sweat. His clothes began to feel damp and he knew that he that he must be visibly trembling from head to toe. He tried to will away the emotional pain that was ravaging his very soul, but he only succeeded to dwell on things further. His breath quickened and his chest continued to tighten. It felt as if nothing would ever be right in the world again and he wept in desperation.

Despite his current condition Harry felt the need to leave the front lobby before someone came out and discovered him in such obvious distress. He was in no mood to answer questions to anyone, including his beloved Draco.

He stumbled dizzily through the massive stone hallways of Hogwarts searching for some resolution to end his pain. His mind raced with a multitude of thoughts and worries. He wasn't even sure where he was going, but he knew that he had to keep moving. If he stopped for even a moment the reality of his desperate situation would somehow set in.

Suddenly, everything became very clear to Harry. He felt completely out of control of his life and he knew of only one way to gain that control again. He knew what he had to do. As much as he didn't want to do it, he knew that it was the one thing… the only thing… that he could control at this very moment. He craved the pure sensation desperately with a renewed sense of purpose.

With much determination, Harry raced through the halls back towards the Gryffindor tower. He hastily gave the password to the painting of the Fat Lady that guarded the entrance and then proceeded to run up the stairs two at a time until he reached the boys 6th year dormitory. He pulled his wand out of his sleeve and searched the room for something that would be easy to transfigure. Locating a forgotten yellow comb on the floor he made his way to the boy's bathroom and secured the door behind him with several locking spells. When he felt confident that he would not be disturbed, he stumbled breathlessly into the shower room and fell heavily upon his knees. Hopefully the rest of his dorm mates had already begun their morning classes and would leave him alone to do what he must.

By now he was completely sobbing in despair. Life itself had now become completely unbearable. Just when he was beginning to deal with his haunting past, he was forced to listen to the desperate pleas of his dead godfather, somehow calling to him from the beyond. He looked down at the comb in his hand and contemplated if this was something he truly wanted to do. He had promised Draco and Ron long ago that he would never do this again. There had been several times this year where Harry had felt the need, especially after those strange dreams and New Year's Eve, but the lure was never as strong as it was now at this moment. Harry desperately wanted the release that only a sharp blade could bring.

Deciding that he deserved it after everything that had happened, he quickly transfigured the comb into a small knife. He hastily wiped away his tears so that he could see clearly and pushed back the sleeves of both his arms. He breathed in deeply and pressed his knife against the soft skin of the inside of his left forearm as he closed his hand into a fist. He then closed his eyes and waited for the pain that would release him from his anguish as he dragged the sharpened edge against his pale skin.

A stinging sensation brought him back to reality and he opened his eyes and looked at his arm. The thin red line had already begun to bleed freely. The fresh incision stood out boldly against the few thin scars that revealed his past experience with knives. But sadly, the burning sensation left him all too quickly and Harry felt the need to make another cut, maybe this time a little deeper.

He cut again close to the last incision and smiled sadly at the pain as he was able to temporarily forget everything that had happened and live in the moment. This time his arm had begun to bleed even more, and Harry stared blurry eyed as the red liquid dripped from his arm and onto the white tile floor. At least this was something he could control. The pain was irresistible. He decided how and why he needed to cut, and no one could take that away from him. Everything felt entirely surreal, and he began to feel somewhat fatigued from the mental exhaustion. He closed his eyes and sat back heavily on his feet letting his bloodied arm fall to the side as he zoned out from the pain. But his self induced delirium quickly came to a halt.

An odd sensation brought him back to attention and he looked about him curiously. It was as if something had alerted him out of his trance. He listened carefully trying to determine the cause of the noise that he just heard, but all he found was an eerie silence. He was all alone in the bathroom. "_I must be going crazy,_" he thought bemusedly.

Then his hearing unexpectedly altered. The pressure inside his head changed and he felt as if he was under water or something. He began to pick up sounds that seemed like strings of conversations, but there was no one in the room with him. The odd sensation could only be described as sounding like someone turning the knob on a muggle radio back and forth quickly, only allowing the listener to pick up bits and pieces of information as the dial glided past each station. Suddenly, the imaginary radio knob stopped and Harry could only hear one voice clearly.

"_Harry…"_ said the voice softly. It was Sirius's voice again, calling out to him.

"No. no. no. no NO!" Harry screamed shaking his head back and forth. His escape from what was happening to him had been too short lived. He wasn't ready to deal with this stupid voice again. "Leave me alone!" he begged.

"_Harry! Please!"_ said the voice more urgently.

"No, leave me alone!" screamed Harry. The voice was overwhelming him and consuming his thoughts. Harry could no longer sense who he even was. He felt like he was losing it completely, like he was on the brink of insanity. Not being able to think rationally about the situation, he began to slash at both of his wrists recklessly. He wasn't sure if he was trying to kill himself now or merely trying to make the voice stop, but cutting himself repeatedly seemed like the only solution at the time. He sobbed helplessly hoping that his misery would somehow end. _How much more could a person take?_

"Harry!" a voice shouted. Someone was now pounding on the bathroom door trying to get in, but Harry mistakenly thought it was the voice calling out to him again.

"NO……" he said as he continued to slash his arms in a haphazard fashion, switching the knife in his hands so that he could cut each arm. He began to feel weak and dizzy as the blood continued to pour from each of his arms. They were now shredded to ribbons and were in sad shape. The muscles were now clearly torn to pieces and he had come too close to his arteries, for they were now spurting blood with each passing heartbeat.

He began to feel numb as his brain fogged with confusion. He could vaguely hear what sounded like a variety of spells being cast just outside the bathroom door, but he couldn't register the fact that someone was trying to get in.

"Leave me alone… I am so sorry….." he moaned through his body racking sobs. He was now huddled in a ball over his knees with his hands over his ears trying to block out the offending voice. Blood was now staining most of his clothing, and his face was twisted in agony and looked almost unrecognizable through the tumultuous tears.

"Harry! Oh my gods….." a voice shouted somewhere close.

He felt someone skid to a halt beside him, and he hesitantly looked up at his best friend, Ron, through red rimmed eyes. "Making the voice stop….. please…." He begged. He couldn't bear to have Sirius call out for help from him any longer, especially since he was the one who had led him to his death. The guilt and grief was tearing him up inside. "I can't take it anymore…." He moaned.

"Harry, you promised… what have you done?" asked Ron. He too was crying openly and looked at a loss about what to do. "_There was so much blood everywhere,"_ thought Harry absentmindedly. "_What happened?"_

"Oh gods… I knew something was wrong," said Ron again as he shakily ripped at his own school uniform. The red-haired boy wasn't advanced enough in spells to heal Harry's arms himself, so he desperately tried to stop the bleeding by wrapping his friend's arms tightly with strips of cloth from his now torn uniform. His efforts had been in vain because soon the make shift bandages were soaked with the crimson red life-giving fluid. Harry's tears had now stopped and he just sat their listlessly and allowed his friend to care for him, like he once did not so long ago.

"We need to get you to the infirmary," Ron said in a tear strained voice.

He felt Ron's arms go around him as he was lifted off of the ground. Harry tried to stand on his own to feet, but found that he was too weak and dizzy from the blood loss. He slipped on his own blood and almost toppled over when he felt his friend grab him firmly.

"I don't think I can make it," said Harry hoarsely.

"Don't be silly, of course you can, Harry. I am going to let you die on me," said Ron determinedly. He motioned Harry to begin walking with him, but as soon as Harry took another step he collapsed again on the floor.

"Please, gods, help me…" he heard Ron cry out. He felt himself lifted off of the bloodstained tile floor and into the comforting arms of his best friend. Ron rushed out of the boys' bathroom and ran down the stairs despite the load in his arms.

"Did you find him?" a female voice called out from below. Then she let a blood curdling scream when she saw what Ron carried in his arms.

"Harry? Harry!" said the female as she tried to get his attention. When Harry failed to answer the girl proceeded to begin sobbing. He wondered if the girl was his best friend Hermione, but he couldn't find the strength to open his eyes.

He felt himself carried towards some destination that he could only assume was the school infirmary. He knew Ron was still crying and he seemed to be saying things aloud to him that he thought would help will Harry to hold on, but soon the Boy-Who-Lived could no longer hear him.

Harry had succumbed to the darkness. This darkness was unlike the one he felt creep into his heart time and time again over the last few months. This darkness was blissfully sweet. He no longer felt any pain, and the voice had stopped calling out to him. Harry wished that the empty darkness would last forever. Maybe he wouldn't have to wake up. Waking up meant that he had to face everything that had sent him into this frenzy of emotional pain. He didn't think that he would ever be able to overcome all of his emotional obstacles. Most importantly, he didn't think he could overcome the voice of Sirius who had begun to call out to him first in his dreams and now while he was awake. The voice haunted him and Harry feared that he was going insane.

**A/N**: There you go; this chapter was the reason why I chose the main title of this story. Yes, I know it doesn't reveal all that much, but stories need to a climax sometimes to further it along. Sorry about all the blood. I hope that it was as powerful as I meant it to be. Don't worry; Harry is not going to die. My story is barely half way through. In the next chapter expect Harry to wake up and begin to talk to Remus. He will soon learn the true meaning of what is beyond the veil as well. Yea... the plot is unfolding!

**Fun Fact:** Bring Me to Life was 27 chapters long, and this story is currently only 17 chapters long, but I have already exceeded the word count of the prequel. Go me!

**Many thanks to all my reviewers and a thousand thanks to my beta Drae!**


	18. Awakenings

**Chapter 18- Awakenings**

Harry's body ached from head to toe, and he hesitated to open his eyes. The blinding light seemed to be threatening to penetrate his poorly adjusted pupils. He felt completely groggy and disorientated. With heavy lids he blinked away the sleepiness until he could open his eyes fully. The bright light was harsh on his sensitive eyes and he turned his head away from the offense. Unfortunately, the quick movement caused his head to spin. He closed his eyes and he lay motionless once again, trying to will away the nausea that was creeping its way up the back of his throat.

With reluctance he attempted to open his eyes once again and found that he was lying in a pale yellow room on a fairly large bed. He appeared to be covered in an oversized down comforter that was nestled in an off white duvet. The rest of the details were somewhat of a blur because he was not wearing his glasses. Turning his head slowly he realized that he had never been here before and he felt fairly alarmed. Where was he? Why wasn't he at Hogwarts?

He rolled his head in the direction of the window which was dressed in material similar to the duvet. He had hoped to gain some perspective on his current location, but from his position on the bed all he could see was the offending yellow sunlight set against a cloudless, pale blue sky. It was a most peculiar sight as the sun was mainly absent during these frosty winter months. The sun mainly hid behind the clouds, only peeking out playfully ever so often, but here it was bursting with pent up energy. Its bright light seemed to be shining solely through his window, willing him to wake up with an odd mixture of intensity and friendliness. How long had he been asleep? It felt like he had been asleep forever.

He turned his head to gaze at the ceiling wondering if he should attempt to sit up despite the weariness in his bones. His need for self preservation was kicking in and he felt rather vulnerable lying in some strange bed. Who had brought him here and what did they want with him? Harry began to grow fearful at the possibilities, but before he could contemplate his situation further a noise brought Harry's mind back from its wandering.

The door to the small bedroom that had been slightly ajar before was now being pushed wide open allowing a tall man to enter the room. The man's clothing seemed somewhat old and worn down and his hair was beginning to grey. Harry smiled inwardly with relief as he realized the man was none other than Remus Lupin. It appeared as if he had not noticed that Harry was awake yet, and he walked gingerly across the room to a small table beside the armoire that housed a variety of potions. Turning around with a vial of red liquid in his hand Remus was startled to see Harry's emerald green eyes watching him with wonderment.

"Harry! You're awake!" Remus said as he quickly returned the potion to the small table. He crossed the room in three swift strides and sat down on the bed beside Harry's small form.

Harry was about to sit up when he felt Remus's hand upon his chest holding him in place. "No, lie still. You are still very weak. Madam Pomfrey would have my head for allowing you out of bed before she could see you."

Harry sighed deeply as he rested his head back on the pillow. He tried not to flinch as Remus reached up to brush one of his locks out of his eyes but his blurred vision made him feel a bit jumpy.

"It's alright Harry… here, you probably want these," said Remus as he gently placed Harry's glasses on his face.

"Remus? Where am I?" asked Harry, who was surprised at the sound of his own hoarse voice. Now that he thought about it, his throat felt dry and scratchy like he had not used it in a long while.

"Here drink this…." said Remus lifting a glass of water to Harry's parched lips. The cool liquid was refreshing in his dry mouth and it relieved him a great deal.

"Where am I?" Harry asked again.

Remus sighed deeply and looked at Harry sadly. "Well, we're in an old cabin that I inherited from my family that is set on the shores of Silvery Lake. It's called Villa de Luna. It's a rather fancy name for such a tiny cabin, but my parents insisted upon naming it that. Once you are feeling better I'll show you around. I didn't really have enough time to fix the place up for you yet so you will have to bear with me while I begin cleaning this old house. No one has lived here for years, and I wasn't expecting you until this summer."

Harry smiled softly as he realized that he was probably lying in what would become his "bedroom" if everything went according to plan. Remus smiled back at him and watched him curiously. He had never put much thought into where he and Remus would be staying this summer, and a part of him assumed that they would go back to Number 12 Grimmauld Place. He was relieved that this wouldn't be happening as that musty old place held too many memories for Harry. His smile soon faded as he began to think about Sirius. Something wasn't right? Why was he here now?

"W-why am I here?" he asked Remus looking into his eyes. Their eyes locked for a few moments before Remus looked away. In those precious seconds Harry saw the utter pain and sadness behind his friend's concerned eyes. What had happened to cause such misery?

"You don't remember what happened?" asked Remus carefully, looking back at him.

"I-I'm not s-sure…" said Harry softly. He was now slowly starting to remember bits and pieces of what happened before he lost consciousness, but he needed another person's point of view to help shed light onto his situation.

"I am going to be honest with you Harry because I feel that hiding the truth from you will only do more harm than good. The only way you will begin to heal is through understanding." Harry nodded at him dumbly waiting for him to make some revelation that would help him make sense of the scattered pieces of his memory from that awful day.

"Ron and Hermione decided to follow you after you left the Great Hall during breakfast because they were concerned. They said that you had been acting strangely all morning. They searched everywhere until Ron finally found you… in the boy's bathroom covered in b-blood…"

Harry looked away from Remus his chest swelling with emotion. So that hadn't been a dream after all? He felt guilty that his best friend had to find him in such an awful condition once again.

"Harry, you …y-you cut your arms with a knife that you transfigured from a comb…."

Harry looked back at Remus and saw that his eyes were filled with unshed tears. There was so much pain in those soft brown eyes. "Do you remember?" he asked.

"Yes…" the small boy answered slowly. He raised his head from the pillows and looked down at his arms, noticing for the first time the pale blue pajamas that he was clothed in. White bandages could be seen sticking out of the cuff of each arm, and Harry was now mildly aware that his arms were tightly bound in the gauzy material from his wrists to his elbows. He briefly imagined what those scars would look like. Up until now his incisions had been precise neat rows, but he was pretty sure that during his lapse in sanity he had sliced at his arms randomly. He dreaded the moment when he would finally see the ugly mess he had made of himself. Maybe Madam Pomfrey had been able to heal them completely…

"Why did you do it Harry?" asked Remus breathing in deeply. Harry could tell that the man was trying to get a grip so that he wouldn't lose it in front of him. He didn't particularly want to answer Remus's questions right now so he decided to change the subject.

"How long have I been here?" he asked evasively.

Remus tilted his head in contemplation. He understood Harry better than most, and he knew that Harry had purposefully changed the subject to avoid answering him. He had promised long ago that he would never push Harry to talk about things before he was ready, so he decided to keep his word.

"Almost a week now. Before that you were in the infirmary for about three days…"

Harry was going to question him about why he was unconscious for so long when Remus continued for him.

"When Ron found you, you had lost a lot of blood. You had damaged the arteries in your arms and it was a miracle that we were even able to save you. Madam Pomfrey spent almost an entire day repairing each one of your blood vessels so that they would function again normally. Snape, Dumbledore, and myself took turns using a spell that would prevent further blood loss while she conducted the surgery by wand. Pomfrey then placed you into a spell induced coma so that you could begin to heal properly without feeling all the pain. When we all felt that you were stable enough to move, you were brought here. The nurse removed the spell that caused your coma two days ago and I have been waiting for you to wake up ever since."

"A coma?" asked Harry somewhat surprised.

"Yes… unfortunately, wizards do not have a procedure for a blood transfusion like Muggles do. Instead, you were given a potion called Rapid Cellulo that is similar to Skele-gro. The ingredients stimulate the bone marrow to produce more red blood cells than normal to compensate for the body's blood loss. The effects are much more painful than that of the Skele-gro potion, and Madam Pomfrey felt it best to save you from such excruciating pain by placing you in the coma. Another potion has been working to heal the muscular damage, but you may have some weakness in your arms for a while. You have also been given potions three times daily to prevent dehydration and provide you with nutrition."

Harry nodded taking in all the information. He was amazed by the vast amount of healing his body had undergone in the last few days without his awareness.

"Why was I brought here? Why can't I stay at Hogwarts?" asked Harry curiously. He was grateful to spend time with Remus, but under the circumstances he would have liked to have had a say in what was happening to him. Wasn't he missing classes? Wouldn't everyone wonder where he was?

"Dumbledore felt that you may need constant supervision once you regained consciousness, so I volunteered for the job."

"But why? Couldn't I have just stayed in the hospital ward?" he asked pulling at the edges of his bandages slightly. He wanted to peek at the scars, but the bindings were much too tight. Somehow none of this would seem real until he could see the evidence for himself.

"Well, no you couldn't. Because of the nature of what happened, it was either St. Mungo's or me…and I know that you wouldn't be able to heal the way that you need to if you were too worried about people leaking information to the media. So I took some time off from teaching… looks like you're stuck with me."

"Who's covering your classes?"

"Dumbledore…"

"How long will I be here?"

"I am not sure yet… we'll have to wait and see…"

"I don't understand. What aren't you telling me? Why do I need supervision? Why do you need to watch over me instead of Madam Pomfrey? She's the school nurse for _Merlin's__sake_!"

"Calm down, Harry, there is no need to get upset. Poppy is not trained to handle these kind of cases like I am," Remus tried to reason with him.

"What do you mean? What are you not telling me…" Harry pleaded with him.

Remus sighed again heavily before answering him, "Fine… if you must know… you are on suicide watch…"

"What?"

"You heard me…"

"But why? I didn't try to commit suicide!" Harry was getting really angry now. Is that what people thought that he did? Try to kill himself! Why didn't anyone understand? His eyes began to water as he thought about what had happened. He was just trying to gain a sense of control the only way he knew how. Wasn't he? He had just gotten carried away. Right?

"If you weren't trying to kill yourself than why did you slash arms to shreds…" said Remus softly. "You almost died Harry…."

"I… I… it's just that… I…" Harry's mouth did not seem to be working properly and his face was now streaming with tears. He hastily wiped away the tears with the back of his hand and looked away, crossing his arms protectively over his chest. He wasn't ready to tell Remus about Sirius's voice calling out to him. He wanted to desperately, but he needed a little more time to think.

"Harry… it's okay buddy…" Remus leaned forward and brought Harry into a semi seated position so that he could hold him. His long arms wrapped around the boy's small frame and he pressed his head against Harry's head, speaking into his messy mop of hair. "You're not alone in this… okay...You have many people who love you who want to help you; me included…"

Harry felt his wet tears slide down his face and dampen Remus's robes. He felt so safe being rocked in the man's protective arms, but his body was protesting at the movement. His nausea was returning from earlier.

"I love you … don't you ever forget that… let me help you…" Remus whispered into Harry's ear.

Harry nodded slightly, but pushed back with his arms so that he could lie down again. He was feeling quite dizzy.

Remus noticed the look on his face and began to inquire about his health. "How are you feeling?"

"Dizzy… my head hurts a bit…"

Remus rose from his position on the bed and began to search the small table for some necessary potions. "Anything else?"

"I feel really sick too. How come my whole body hurts instead of just my arms?"

"You are still feeling the effects of the Rapid Cellulo potion. Your body aches because your bones have had to produce enough blood to replace what you lost. The side effects should subside by tomorrow morning."

"Oh…" said Harry feeling sleepy.

"Here… drink these and you should feel better after you have taken a nap. Maybe later on you can try eating something for me." Remus handed him the red potion he had held in his hand earlier and a light blue one. Harry was about to inquire what each one did, but decided he really didn't care as long as he felt better. He downed each one quickly, set his glasses on the nightstand beside him, and lay back down on the comfortable bed. Turning over on his side, he closed his eyes and felt himself drift off to sleep. Thankfully he was blessed with a dreamless sleep and he was able to rest for a short while.

When he awoke later that evening, he found the school nurse leaning over him checking his vitals with her wand. She smiled at him when she saw that his eyes had now opened fully.

"Harry… I am so glad that you are awake. Remus told me that you had awakened earlier, and I flooed over as soon as possible. Do you think you can sit up for me?"

Harry nodded slowly and used his weak arms to push himself up into a seated position. The small request was more of an effort than he realized as he felt completely exhausted. He rested against the headboard and grabbed his glasses from the night stand. She sat down beside him and manually took his pulse and felt his forehead. Normally she would continue to check his vitals using her wand, but she sometimes used Muggle methods as well. She was getting more and more motherly with him, but Harry didn't mind the attention all that much. He imagined that this is what it must feel like to have a parent dote on you.

"You gave us quite a scare young man. You have several friends at Hogwarts who are dying to come visit you when you are feeling a little better."

Harry nodded but looked away. As much as he wanted to see his friends, he had no idea what he would say to them when they were reunited. He felt that he had a lot to apologize for and they would probably want an explanation as to what had happened. Harry wasn't sure how to deal with any of this at the moment, and in some ways he was grateful that he had been taken away from Hogwarts. At least he would have time to think about things before he was bombarded with several well meaning questions.

"How are you feeling? Remus said you were feeling nauseous earlier," the nurse asked.

"I'm feeling a little better. Just really weak," he replied.

"That is to be expected, so I don't want you out of bed just yet. I'd imagine that you're pretty hungry, but your stomach probably won't be able to handle solid foods yet. I've asked Remus to bring some nice chicken broth up for you. In the morning we can try a bit of porridge and take it from there. If you feel up to it you can try to eat some small meals after that until you are feeling yourself again."

Harry nodded at the information. "When can I take off the bandages?" he asked curiously as he pulled at the edges of the gauze around his wrists.

Madam Pomfrey pursed her lips at the question and looked thoughtful. "Remus will let you know when you may."

Harry wanted to inquire further about the possibility of scarring, but he kept his mouth shut. She wouldn't understand why he needed to know, and he didn't want to initiate a conversation about it.

"Well now, seeing that I'm no longer needed here, I will just show myself out. I'll let Remus know that you are awake again. I'll be visiting you again soon. Take care." She gathered some of her things and took a quick inventory of the potions on the table. Seeing that Remus was still prepared for another few days she turned to leave.

"Thank you," he said softly as she walked out the door. She stopped in the doorway and turned to look at him. She nodded once, her eyes saddened by the fact that she had had to heal the boy once again.

Alone now in the room Harry began to glance around. The walls were indeed a pale yellow, a color he didn't usually like all that much, but somehow if fit the room perfectly. The color was oddly reminiscent of the friendly sun he had seen earlier. The bed and the rest of the furniture were all made from a dark wood. The flooring was of a lighter wood and was covered in a large sisal area rug. He could see that his trunk from Hogwarts had been placed in the far corner of the room, and that some pictures had been placed on the nightstand beside him.

One picture was a color photo of Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Neville, and Harry hanging out in the Gryffindor common room. They had all be lounging around the couches near the fireplace when Colin had come up and asked to take their picture. Harry never knew that the picture had ever been developed, but he was glad to have a copy. Everyone was smiling at the camera and waving. His own smile looked sad and rather forced on his tired face. Studying the picture carefully, he could see that Ron would shoot him a worried glance every now and then from the corner of his eye. He never broke his smile, but he seemed to be watching his friend just the same. Harry smiled at how much Ron worried and cared for him. Ron was more than just a friend to him. He was his brother, if only in his heart.

The other picture was the black and white photo Draco had given Harry for Christmas. Harry cherished the photo, but he didn't often take it out of his trunk because they were still trying to keep their relationship a secret. Most people only assumed that they were good friends, and that seemed to be the crime of the century. They got whispers wherever they went, and Harry couldn't imagine how much worse the situation would be if the whole school knew the truth. He fingered the frame lovingly wondering when he would see Draco again, or his friends for that matter. He knew deep down that he had just put his friends through hell and he felt guilty for it. Why did everything have to be so damned hard?

He set the picture down and glanced around the room once more. All in all, he was quite pleased with the room. Although somewhat bare, it was rather pleasant. Nothing like he had ever been in before, and certainly not at the Dursleys.

Just then he saw Remus enter the room carrying a steaming cup of broth. "Hi, there," he said cheerfully.

"Hi."

"Feeling better?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want to try some yummy broth?" said Remus sarcastically, trying to lighten the situation. He sniffed it playfully and a look crossed his face like it was the best thing he had ever smelled.

"Sure," said Harry shrugging his shoulders.

Remus handed him the broth and sat down beside him as Harry took a tentative sip. "Do you mind if I hang out with you for a bit?"

"No," said Harry truthfully. He enjoyed Remus's presence. It was like he finally had a parental figure. He missed Sirius deeply, but Remus seemed to have an easier time dealing with him in this fatherly role.

"Do you always answer with one word responses?" he asked jokingly.

"No..." said Harry smiling behind his mug. He was starting to feel a lot of better, and it seemed as if Remus knew how to put him at ease.

"Can we talk about what happened for a little bit?" said Remus more seriously.

"I guess…" said Harry. He dreaded the conversation, but he knew that this wasn't something that Remus would let go.

"I could sit here and ask you some annoying questions or you can just tell me whatever is on your mind," Remus suggested.

"Okay," said Harry, realizing that he hadn't stated which he would prefer. Remus sat quietly with his hands folded as he waited for Harry to continue.

"I wasn't trying to commit suicide…." he said after a long moment of silence.

"You weren't?" said Remus in amazement. Harry took another sip of broth.

"No," he said shaking his head for emphasis.

"Then what would you say happened?" Remus asked curiously.

Harry thought about that for a moment. "I got carried away this time."

"What do you mean?"

Harry took another sip of his broth. It was like they were playing a little game. Harry wasn't offering a whole lot of information. Remus was only questioning him on the things he said so it wasn't like he was being forward, but it was hard to answer him nonetheless. Anytime Harry needed time to think, he sipped some of his broth thoughtfully.

"The cutting… I went too deep this time."

"You have done this before…" Remus looked like he was starting to get upset.

"Yes…"

"How long have you been doing this?"

He raised the mug to his lips once again before he answered. "I'm not sure; maybe since my third year. I can't really say for certain. I really haven't done it all that much."

"Why would you do that to yourself, Harry?" asked Remus incredulously. He took the mug from his hands and set in on the night stand so that he could prevent Harry from trying to avoid his questions any longer. Remus had to know what was going on. He grabbed each one of Harry hands and stared down at the bandages like he was trying to understand.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I-I don't know how to explain it…. y-you wouldn't understand…"

"Try me," said Remus looking into Harry's green eyes. At this point Harry knew that he had nothing left to lose. He had to start trusting someone at some point, didn't he? Maybe Remus could help him.

"W-whenever things get really bad… or if I don't feel like I am in control… I cut myself…mostly my arms but sometimes my legs… I know it sounds stupid, b-but the pain feels good… it feels real… it makes me forget all the _shit_ that his happening to me for bit."

"The pain makes you forget…" said Remus to himself softly, echoing his words. He seemed to be scrolling through some mental index of some kind trying to process what Harry just said to him. Harry wondered if he ever had any experience as a therapist with cutters before, or if he knew how to help them.

"Yeah… I know it sounds stupid…"

"No it doesn't. It sounds to me that you were just trying to cope with what was happening to you. We will need to find a way to help you cope that won't endanger you, okay?"

Harry nodded, not really sure if he could ever give up the cutting. It wasn't like he did it all the time. Right? It was nobody's business what he did to his own body as long as he didn't get carried away again.

"Does anyone else know?"

"Ron and Draco… they found out last summer while I was staying at the Burrow…" Harry didn't say anything else about that hoping that Remus could probably fill in some of the missing details.

"I promised them that I would never do it again… and I kept that promise until that night…"

"Did you feel the need to cut any other times this year?"

"Yeah, lots of times. Sometimes the urge got really bad, but I tried to occupy my mind with something else instead. I would practice Quidditch as often as I could, and I started studying like crazy. It helped me to focus on something else."

"And I just thought Hermione had finally gotten to you…" said Remus smiling at his own weak joke. Harry did not laugh.

"I am proud of you for summoning the strength to find alternatives to cutting yourself. We will have to work on some of those strategies further," said Remus approvingly.

Harry shrugged his shoulders and looked away. Neither one of them said anything for a while. Harry knew what was coming next and he did not feel prepared to answer Remus's probing questions.

"Harry, what happened to cause you to cut your arms?"

Harry said nothing and stared across the room seeing nothing. What do I tell him? Do I tell him the truth? Do I tell him I am hearing Sirius's voice in my head?

"Harry, I won't push you to talk to me. I promised you that long before, but I want to help you. I can't do that until I know the full story. Is it because of what happened on New Year's Eve?"

"Huh?" asked Harry looking back at him. He heard Remus correctly but he wasn't sure how to respond. That night had upset him greatly, but it was not the true cause of why he started cutting again. It was an easy escape though. He could just tell Remus that it was because of New Years and leave it at that, but he desperately wished for someone to give him answers. He was tired of living with secrets, but how do you begin a conversation like that. "Uh.. no…." he answered slowly.

Remus looked saddened that Harry was not being very cooperative. "It's alright Harry… we don't have to discuss everything now. You have been through a lot… You probably want to rest some more. I'll check on you later…"

Remus rose from the bed and turned to leave, but Harry reached out quickly grabbing his arm. "No… please don't leave me…" he said desperately. Harry really didn't want to be alone right now. He was afraid of falling asleep and dreaming about another one of Sirius's memories. Or worse… what if the voice came back…

Seeing the alarmed look on his face, Remus turned around and sat down again on the bed. "Okay, Harry… it's alright. I won't leave. I will stay with you for as long as you want."

He took Harry's hand in his own and stroked the back of it encouragingly. Harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath. This was going to be difficult.

"I want to talk to you Remus, but it's just so hard."

"I know, Harry, but you will feel better once you begin to share your problems. Talk to me… You won't feel so alone…"

Harry closed his eyes and took a few calming breaths. This was it. Once he started talking Remus would know everything. "I have been having some really strange dreams… They started up after I used the pensieve…"

"That was why you tried to steal the dreamless sleep potion?" Remus asked, even though he knew the answer already. They had discussed this issue when they had met in his private rooms, but Harry had never revealed what the dreams were about.

"Yes… I was really terrified of them… until I started to understand what they all meant."

"What do you mean?" asked Remus curiously. Harry took a deep breath and decided that it was time to start letting someone in. He had spent far too many years locking his troubles away inside his heart, and it had gotten him no where. Maybe it was time to let this man, who obviously cared for him, start to understand him a little bit more. Draco and his friends were great, but they were no substitution for the type of unconditional love that a parent could provide. Harry desperately wished that Remus would become that person.

Not really knowing how to begin, he finally decided that he would briefly explain each dream and let Remus come to his own conclusions. "They were really confusing and scary at first… one time this man, who I think was supposed to be my father, was yelling at me about something I did at school… then I was sitting by a small dark haired boy beside the lake near Hogwarts explaining why I ran away from home… sometimes I dreamt that I was in the form of a large black dog… in one of those dreams I was watching _myself_ playing Quidditch from the stands, when I almost fell off my broom because of the Dementors… and then I dreamt about escaping from a prison cell in Azkaban…" By now Remus's mouth had dropped open and he was staring at Harry fearfully. "Then I was waiting in Dumbledore's office on the night of the third task of the Triwizard Tournament waiting for _me_ to return with Dumbledore…. there were many more, but in the last dream, I was running around Black Manor dueling with Regulus and Bellatrix in some childhood game…" Harry's voice trailed off while he waited for Remus to say something.

Remus's mouth opened and closed a few times trying to find the words to respond to Harry's strange dreams. When he finally found his voice he said, "Sirius… you were dreaming about Sirius… Sirius?" Remus's eyes moistened slightly and he looked incredibly sad.

Harry felt instantly guilty for what he had done. He had already suffered so much losing his best friend, and now Harry had just gone and made him feel even worse. "I'm sorry…." said Harry, his own eyes filling with tears. "I don't know why I keep getting these dreams… they just won't go away… I shouldn't have told you."

"No, I am glad that you told me. I was just a little shocked is all. I know Sirius's death upset you greatly, but I had no idea to which degree. You must be subconsciously creating these dreams so that you can still have him a part of your life."

"But it's not like that," Harry protested.

"What?"

"I am not creating these dreams. They _are_ memories… Sirius's memories…"

"I'm sorry, Harry. I am sure that is what you believe, but that is not possible," said Remus gripping his hand more tightly.

"It's true! You've got to believe me," said Harry ripping his hand away from Remus. Was he wrong to have trusted him with this information?

"That can't be! You don't just relive some else's memories, Harry," said Remus becoming slightly irritated.

"But I am. You can't dream about things that you never knew happened, but I am!"

"Some of the information in those dreams you could have learned about from Sirius when he was alive... "

"Remus… You've got to believe me. The memories in my dreams are so full of detail there is no way that Sirius could have told me all of that. I relived his escape from Azkaban like I was really there… and I never knew that he talked to his brother by the lake until I dreamed it…"

"Harry, that doesn't mean that it was a memory… I know he and Regulus had some problems, but there is no way to no for sure if they ever met by the lake like you say."

"There is a way," Harry shouted excitedly. "It's all in Sirius's journal you gave me for my birthday."

"What?" asked Remus, his face draining of all color.

"It's in my trunk… if you get it, I will prove it to you…" he said confidently.

Remus stared in Harry's blazing green eyes and saw the sincerity in what he was saying. He rose from the bed and crossed the room to Harry's trunk uncertainly. He rifled through some of the items until he found what he was looking for. Remus then brought the journal to Harry and handed it to him his hands shaking.

Harry quickly flipped to the page he was looking for and then handed it over for Remus to read. The older man quickly read the journal page, his face draining of color even further. He didn't look back up at Harry, but continued to stare at the page trying to make some sense of it.

"Do you see what I mean now? I didn't read that entry until after I had the dream. I am sure of it as I have been about anything. I couldn't have known about it before I had the dream…"

Remus looked up at Harry and saw the hope for understanding, the fear of rejection, and the utter sadness in his eyes. Dropping the journal on the bed, he wrapped his arms tightly around Harry, pressing his face into his robes. Harry hugged the man back using his weakened arms. He rocked Harry back and forth as Remus's own tears streamed down his face.

"Oh, Harry… I am so sorry… why didn't you tell me sooner?"

Harry turned his head to the side so that his voice wouldn't be muffled. It appeared that Remus wasn't going to let go of him anytime soon. He felt comforted by the man's embrace and found strength to say what he needed to next.

"I was afraid that I was going crazy, and I didn't want to hurt you by bringing about the fact that I was reliving your dead best friend's memories," said Harry truthfully.

"You can tell me anything, Harry, no matter how painful or sad it may seem. I would never want you to suffer something alone. I will be here for you no matter what comes our way."

"Thank you…" whispered Harry.

"Does anyone else know about the dreams?"

"D-Draco…."

"Did you cut your arms because of a dream that you had?" Remus asked probing further. He hoped that he hadn't pushed Harry too far and that he would be willing to say this last piece. However, he did not expect the answer that he received.

"No," Harry whispered as he began to sob.

"Than what was it? Harry, tell me what's wrong," said Remus as he rubbed comforting circles on the boy's back.

Harry continued to cry for a few seconds as he tried to find the words to reveal his secret. Finally he managed to choke the words out, "I heard Sirius's voice calling to me for help… while I was awake…" His sobs continued as Remus processed what he just said.

"You heard Sirius calling for help?"

Harry nodded into Remus's shoulder not really knowing if he would be able to say more now.

"I don't know what that can mean Harry… but I promise you … we will figure this all out… "

"I feel like I'm going crazy…" he said continuing to sob.

"I know, Harry, I know… this can't be easy… but cutting your arms is not going to solve anything…"

"I know! I just felt so out of control… all those weird dreams and my memories of my past came pounding down upon me… I just wanted it to all go away…" he said while sobbing. He was amazed that he was even able to tell Remus that much. It was if someone else was speaking for him while he cried inside.

"Shh…." said Remus, kissing his forehead and rocking him again. "It will be okay…."

They held each other for a long while, Remus all the while whispering comforting words into Harry's ear. To Harry, it felt as if a load had been lifted off of his shoulders. He had never been held like that for so long and he was relishing the attention. After a long while, when it seemed that Harry had cried his heart out, they lay down in bed and fell asleep. Harry was well aware of Remus's presence all night, but it did not frighten him or feel awkward. He felt loved, and he suspected that this is what it might feel like to sleep beside a parent after having a nightmare. Only in Harry's case, his life was a living nightmare.

The next morning, Harry awoke to find himself alone in bed. Last night had been pretty tense and he wondered how Remus would act around him today. He would hate to be treated any differently. He was a little sad to see Remus gone, but his spirits lifted when he saw him enter the room with a tray of food.

"I thought you might like some breakfast in bed," said Remus helping Harry to sit up and placing the tray in front of him.

"Porridge?" asked Harry scrunching up his face. He was never a big fan of the stuff.

"I know it's not the world's best breakfast, but I am under strict orders from Madam Pomfrey. If your stomach can handle this then you can try to eat more later."

"Okay," said Harry as he took a tentative bite of the mushy substance. Surprisingly it tasted pretty good. He was sure that Remus had seasoned it with maple syrup and brown sugar because it was the sweetest porridge he had ever had.

To his relief, Remus did not bring up anything that Harry had said to him last night. He suspected that he was trying to give him a little breathing room so that he didn't feel overwhelmed. He wondered when Remus would want to talk about any of it again.

After his small meal it was decided that Harry should try to get out of bed. He made a few laps around the bedroom, stretching his limbs. Although somewhat weak, he was feeling pretty good so they made their way down to the bathroom so that Harry could shower. It had been almost two weeks since Harry had bathed and he was starting to smell like it.

The bathroom was quite quaint. The lower half of the wall was done in white tiling, while the upper half was painted cornflower blue. Harry found two large while fluffy towels laid out for him on the counter, along with a fresh set of clothes, a comb, and a tooth brush and toothpaste. Remus was about to leave him to shower when Harry quickly turned to ask him a question.

"Can I take off the bandages now?" he asked.

Remus sighed deeply and said that he may. Harry quietly closed the door, stripped off his pajamas, and began to unwind the bandages. To his dismay, he did not like what he found.

There were a few neat lines on his pale skin where he had cut himself before, but the rest of his arms held a jagged array of angry red lines that crisscrossed their way up his arms at odd angles. Madame Pomfrey had done an amazing job healing him, but there was an ugly scar everywhere he had sliced his arms open. He had hoped there wouldn't be any scars from that night. He realized now that he hadn't been in control when he had started to cut himself. Maybe he was suicidal at the time, because if he had been in control then every cut would have been precise and neat like the others. He shook his head sadly as he looked at the mess he made. He then reached out and traced each horrid raised scar with the tip of his finger causing a burning sensation to erupt everywhere he touched his arm. Would anything ever be the same?

He finally came out of his trance like state and started the shower. Half an hour later, Harry was washed and fully dressed. Not knowing what else he should do, and curious as to where Remus was, he began to explore the house on his own looking for him.

He discovered there were three bedrooms in all upstairs. The other two rooms were similar in size to Harry's but decorated quite differently. The room that he presumed to be Remus's looked similar to his private rooms at Hogwarts and the other room was stark white with navy blue and red accents.

He made his way down the stairs to the lower level and soon noticed that the rest of the house contrasted dramatically from the room upstairs. The main floor was rather large and had more of an open floor plan concept. Where as the rooms upstairs had been dry-walled and painted skillfully; the living room, dining area, and kitchen exposed the logs that had been used to build the cabin and gave it a cozy feel. Remus had called the place a tiny cabin, but it was certainly larger than the Burrow and the house on Privet Drive.

A large stone fireplace, ablaze with a fire, was the focal point of the main floor, and huge bookshelves flanked the hearth on either side. Large couches and chairs were arranged in an intimate seating arrangement in front to the fireplace and in the far corner. The kitchen and the dining area were on either side of the main doorway and large windows illustrated the picturesque scenery outside that surrounded the cabin. The furnishings were much more rustic looking than of those upstairs and didn't really match each other all that well, but somehow complimented the house nicely. Harry loved it all. It felt like a home.

He had yet to find Remus, and he wondered if the man might have flooed somewhere for supplies. A movement caught his eye just outside the window, and he walked closer to get a better look. Upon first glance it appeared as if Remus were dancing because he was swaying back and forth. Curious as ever, he opened the front door and found Remus sweeping some of the snow off of the porch with a broom. Amazingly, the porch seemed to wrap around the entire cabin.

"Hi," said Harry watching him. He wrapped his arms around his body trying to keep out the cold.

"Oh, hey there. Sorry… I was just tidying up a bit…" said Remus smiling as he set the broom aside.

"Couldn't you just use magic to do that?"

"Yeah, but it feels good to put your hands to work too. Did you get a chance to explore the house?"

"Yeah, it's great!" said Harry enthusiastically.

"Well, I am glad that you like it. Let me show you around some more."

Before going inside, Harry quickly took in the surrounding landscape. The scenery was breathtaking. The cabin was the only structure in sight that Harry could see in the wild forest. The lake that lay no more than a hundred yards from the cabin was completely covered in ice. Tall evergreens surrounded the lake towering over it like sentinels guarding their secret treasure. A wooden boardwalk had been built leading from the cabin to the shore, where it was expanded to create a dock that loomed out over the water's surface. A thick blanket of snow covered everything in sight, and icy crystals hung from the bough of every tree limb. The sun had chosen to make another spectacular appearance again and the snow and ice glittered in the bright light. Harry briefly wondered what the land looked like during the other seasons and imagined that they were equally breathtaking.

The pair spent the afternoon talking idly about different things. Mostly Remus explained the history of the old house. His parents decided to move to the house after Remus was bitten by a werewolf. They were ostracized in the wizarding community they lived in so they came out to the country to live more peacefully. A cage was erected in the basement to house Remus when he went through his transformations each month. Apparently the structure of the house was a compromise between his parents. His mother was more of a city gal, where his father liked the great outdoors, so the house was split among their tastes in decorating.

Before long, Harry was feeling rather tired, so he was told to go take a nap before dinner. His body was still recovering form his ordeal and he didn't want to push himself too much.

Harry later found himself awakened by a wonderful scent. He followed his nose and soon found Remus cooking in the kitchen. He walked silently over towards the kitchen and leaned up against one of the posts that supported the main floor. He watched as the man hurried about the kitchen using a mixture of Muggle and wizard cooking methods. There appeared to be a couple of pots being heated by the gas burners on the stove top, but the spoons in each were stirring all on their own.

Remus had yet to notice Harry watching him. He grabbed one of the stirring spoons and lifted it to his mouth tasting the red sauce that was dripping from it. He then got a funny look on his face and waved his hand back and forth in front of his open mouth. Apparently the sauce was hotter than he had anticipated. He rushed to the sink and gulped a mouthful of water from the tap without using a glass.

He then set about washing and cutting up a head of lettuce for a salad when he heard the bubbling and sizzling sound from one of the pots that was about to boil over. A look of panic crossed his face and he used his wand to put out the pilot light on the stove. Only then did he notice Harry, who was trying hard not to suppress a giggle from where he stood.

"Sorry, I am not the best cook around, but I try my best," said Remus with a sheepish grin.

"That's alright. I can help you if you want. I did a lot of cooking for the Durs…" Harry didn't finish his sentence. He hated telling people about his time with his awful relatives.

Remus looked at him thoughtfully and shook his head. "Why don't I worry about the cooking… at least for tonight… you just sit down and relax."

"Can I at least set the table?" asked Harry hopefully. He wanted to find some ways in which to repay Remus's kindness.

"If you feel you must…" said Remus jokingly. "The plates and glasses are in the cupboards over there…" he said pointing behind him. "The silverware is in one of these drawers… um… you're going to have to hunt around for that. It's been a while since I lived here."

Harry found everything fairly easy because he had an idea where the items would most likely be since he knew his way in general around kitchens. He filled their glasses with pumpkin juice from the refrigerator and filled a couple of bowls with the salad Remus had made. Just as he had finished Remus whirled around and grabbed their plates so that he could fill them with his meal.

"Bon apetit!" he said enthusiastically as he set the plates back down. "I hope you like spaghetti and meatballs!"

"Yum!" said Harry as he dived in. Surprisingly, everything was delicious. It was a simple meal really, just spaghetti and salad, but it tasted heavenly after not having anything in his stomach for over a week.

They sat and ate in relative silence not really knowing what to say. Harry felt full rather soon and sat back completely satiated. It was the most he had eaten in a long while.

"Thanks Remus, that was really good," said Harry genuinely.

"No problem, Harry. I wanted your first meal in your new house to be somewhat special," said Remus smiling.

_New house?_ Harry knew that he would be staying with Remus in the summers, but he had never really thought of it as _his_ house before.

"What's wrong Harry?"

"Oh, nothing… it's just… you said that this was my new house…"

"I know it's not much and you deserve so much more, but I am offering you a chance to live with a crazy old man who has lots of stories to tell."

"So… this house is mine now too?" he asked trying to make sense of such a foreign concept.

"Of course it is. I gave you a key, didn't I? You're family now. This place belongs to you now as much as me. You will be welcomed here for the rest of you life… that is if you still want to live with me…"

"I do," said Harry smiling. "I do." He came around the dinner table and hugged Remus warmly. Maybe things weren't so bad after all.

**A/N**: Wow! That was a long chapter! Actually it is my longest ever! I know, I know. Draco was missing once again, right? We will see him and the others again soon. Don't you worry! I know you are all dying to know about Sirius calling out to Harry. I _promise_ it will all make sense in a couple more chapters. I don't want to rush things.

**I was simply overwhelmed with the large number of responses I got from you all. You have no idea what it means to me. Many thanks to all my readers and my beta Drae!**


	19. Emotional Confrontations

A/N: Just a quick note. If you have the time, go back and reread the prologue. I am hoping that you will discover that it all makes a lot more sense now that you know a little more of the details.

**Chapter 19- Emotional Confrontations**

_Dear Journal,_

_I was a little apprehensive about writing about what I was feeling in here, but once Remus assured me that I could put the same wards on it as I do on my pensieve, I figured I'd at least give it a shot. I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to be writing about. Remus says that writing can help me with my "emotional pain." It is supposed to be my alternative to cutting, but I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to stop completely. It's like a security blanket. I can always go back to it if I need to when things get too bad._

_Remus caught me again yesterday playing with a safety pin. He ripped it from my hands and yelled at me angrily. I know he is looking out for me, but sometimes I don't feel like he truly understands. I never did actually pierce my skin with it. I was just toying with the idea after I awoke from another nightmare. These dreams are getting pretty extreme, and I don't really feel that Remus is being all that helpful with them. He refuses to give me a dreamless sleep potion and seems at a loss as to how to prevent them. Oddly enough I'm unable to remove them from my memory and place them in the pensieve. And herbal teas can only do so much._

_My wand has been confiscated to prevent me from transfiguring anything that I could use to harm myself. All the knives in the house have been locked in one of the kitchen drawers. It was only by pure chance that I came across a few safety pins in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. Remus doesn't know that I have hidden the two pins I have left in my trunk just in case I need them._

_Sometimes I wonder why Remus ever really bothers with me. It's not like I am his godson or anything. He has no ties to me other than that he was friends with my father at one time. So why does he even bother? He sure puts on a good front around me trying to be cheerful and upbeat all the time, but there is sadness in his eyes and I know he is just as confused about this whole mess as I am. I wish he could just open up to me and tell me what he is thinking sometimes. I am almost afraid to ask because the truth may be unbearable. What if he feels obligated to take care of me? I don't want to be anyone's burden..._

_After nearly a week holed up in this place I'm thoroughly sick of being here. The metaphorical honeymoon is over! I was so happy when I first learned I was staying in Remus's cabin, where I'll be spending my summers and holidays. I felt safe around him, and not just because of the numerous wards that surround the property. I even enjoyed being taken care of for a while. But now I just feel irritated all the time. I'm not used to being looked after 24/7, and I feel like Remus is constantly questioning me about how I'm feeling during our sessions. He never pressures me to talk, but he asks his questions just the same. I don't even know what to say to him any more, and I hate feeling like I am being smothered. It's hard when your therapist lives with you. You feel like you're never given a break._

_Boredom is a funny thing. When I was living with the Dursleys there were days, maybe even weeks, when I was left alone locked in my cupboard or Dudley's second bedroom; somehow knowing that I couldn't help my situation kept the boredom at bay. I resigned myself to my fate and tried not to let it get to me. I always managed to entertain myself somehow, especially when I was very young. Now that I have freedom, so to speak, I find that I am staring at these walls in agony. I am sick of reading, and I have already completed all the homework the professors sent me. It's too cold to go outside and fly, and there is not much to do in the house besides watching television or listening to the radio. Not having anything else to do, I find myself watching the small telly listlessly lying on the sofa for hours on end. I am not even interested in the programs that I am watching; I just have nothing else to do._

_I miss Hogwarts desperately. I want a sense of normalcy again in my life but Remus is worried that returning to school right now may be too overwhelming. Maybe he is right. I miss my friends and Draco more than words can say but I'm terrified to see them again. What they must think of me… I don't even know…Do they hate me? Will they understand? Remus says that I can write to them whenever I want, but I am at a loss as to what to say to them, so I don't write at all. I am not sure I will ever be able to face them again. I am too ashamed of the freak I have become…._

"Harry…" Remus called from downstairs.

"Yeah?" Harry shouted down, pushing himself up on his bed where he had been lying while he wrote in his new journal.

"You have a visitor…" said Remus.

_Visitor? What visitor?_ No one told him that anybody would be coming by today. Was it Dumbledore or one of the other professors? Or was it one of his friends? His heart started pounding in his chest as he started to panic. He wasn't ready to see anyone just yet. What would he tell them?

Harry closed his journal and placed it in his trunk. He then slid out into the hallway shaking from head to toe. He didn't know what to do. He stood in the hallway for a good five minutes trying to think about the situation. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't seem to make himself go down there right now.

"R-Remus? I don't want any visitors right now. Tell them I'm sorry…" he shouted down. He leaned against the wall near his bedroom doorway and waited for a reply.

Remus came into view at the bottom of the stairs and looked up at him smiling. "Oh… I think you will want to see this visitor…" he said wiping his hands on a dish towel. The tall man was still cleaning up after their most recent meal.

"Is it one of my friends?" Harry asked carefully.

"Nope," said Remus still smiling. Harry stood up and took a step forward.

"Is it one of the professors?"

"Nope," said Remus. "Just come on down. It's a good surprise. I promise."

Harry took a deep breath and began his descent down the stair case. He hesitated at the bottom looking around the cabin. Upon first glance he didn't see anyone or anything. But then he saw the most wonderful sight perched on the back of one of the dining room chairs.

"Hedwig!" Harry shouted with glee as he rushed across the floor to reach his beloved pet. The snowy owl hooted and nipped at his finger affectionately. He stroked her silky feathers slowly, thinking about how long it had been since he had last laid eyes on her.

"I told you that it was a good surprise," said Remus good-naturedly, coming up behind him.

"You were right… It's just that I thought… that maybe one of…"

"It's alright. I understand. You're nervous about seeing your friends again."

Harry nodded as he continued to pet his bird. After a short while Hedwig impatiently held out her leg to him when Harry failed to notice the letter that was still attached.

"I have a letter…" he said thoughtfully.

"I know," said Remus as he settled himself in a sofa over near the fireplace.

"Do you know who it's from?" asked Harry curiously as he followed the older man towards the living room area.

"No, but I have a good idea. Just open it," he said encouragingly.

Harry sat across from him on the other couch and stared at the rolled up piece of parchment wonderingly. Taking a deep breath he opened the letter and began reading quietly to himself.

_Dearest Harry,_

_I hope that you are doing well and that you are making a full recovery. After pestering Madame Pomfrey incessantly she finally revealed to us that you had awakened at last. I am so glad that you are alright. We are all so worried about you, and I hope you understand just how much we all love and care about you. _

_I hope that you are taking advantage of the time you have with Remus and that you relax. You have been through so much. You deserve this break so that you can begin to heal properly._

_I love you so much that it hurts to write this letter. But I don't know what else to do. The headmaster asked us not to write or contact you until you were feeling better, but I couldn't wait any longer. I'm sorry, but I fear that I am writing to you for selfish purposes. When you are ready I think you need to see Ron and Draco. They are tearing themselves up inside about all of this and I have never seen either one of them look so withdrawn. They aren't doing well at all, Harry. Neither of them is eating or sleeping, and they have both been skipping classes rather frequently. Oddly enough, they each think that they were the reason why you chose to hurt yourself, yet they bicker openly blaming the other. I don't know what to do. Nothing I have tried seems to work. They can't go on like this. Please don't feel like I am blaming you. This is not your fault, Harry. I understand how much you are going through, but they need you so desperately. And if I am right, you need them as well. When you are ready, try to reach out to them instead of pushing them away like before. Just seeing you would probably make them feel a whole lot better._

_I, too, need to see that you are alright with my own eyes… but it is probably more important that you see Ron and Draco first. You have no idea what it has been like… I have never been so scared in all my life… I think of you as my brother, Harry, and the mere thought that we almost lost you is more than I can bear. I wish that I could have been a better friend to you. Maybe then you wouldn't have needed to take such drastic measures. I can't even imagine what you are going through…I am so sorry… If there is anything I can do to help please do not hesitate to tell me. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for you._

_Think about what I said Harry; embrace those that you love. Don't push us away… we need you so much…_

_My thoughts and prayers are with you,_

_Love Always,_

_Hermione_

When Harry had finished reading he could tell that the letter was tear-stained. Smudges covered a good majority of the document, and Hermione wasn't the type to allow her work to contain ink smudges. Usually she was so meticulous about these types of things. Harry took another deep breath realizing how he had practically held his breath the entire time he read the letter. His head was swirling again with emotions again. Were Draco and Ron really as distraught as Hermione made them out to be? How would they react when Harry saw them again?

"Was it Hermione?" asked Remus, carefully watching Harry's reaction.

"Yes, how did you know?" he asked looking up.

"She contacted me once before asking how you were doing. I thought it might be her."

Harry nodded and sat back thinking about what he just read. He stared into the flames in the fireplace trying to figure things out. Hearing a flap of wings he looked up to see Hedwig fly across the room and land on the back of the couch behind his head. Sensing that her friend was upset she nuzzled him with her head. Harry absentmindedly reached up and stroked her with his fingers.

"What are you thinking about?" asked Remus. The tone in his voice sounded somewhat different than before.

Harry looked at the serious nature of Remus's face and then realized why Remus's demeanor had suddenly changed. He glanced at his watch and groaned when he noticed the time. It was six o'clock already.

"Do we have to do this now?" Harry asked irritably.

"Harry, you know we have a session every night at six. We might as well get started. The letter has obviously upset you. If you are willing, I would like to know what you are thinking about."

Harry thought about what he wanted to say for a long while. Remus, as always, waited patiently with his quill and paper that he summoned in his hand. Harry knew that he liked to sometimes take notes so that he could analyze what Harry was feeling later that evening. Remus had a large collection of books about therapy and healing hidden in his bedroom upstairs. Harry sometimes saw a light on in his room in the wee hours of the morning and he wondered how those books could possibly ever help him. What did those muggle and wizarding authors know about what he had been through?

"Hermione thinks that I should see Draco and Ron when I am feeling up to it. She says that they aren't doing so well," Harry said finally.

"Why do you think that is?"

"I don't know…I'm not them," said Harry irritably.

"Think about it for a moment. Why might they be so upset?" Remus asked pushing Harry a little further.

"Because they think I tried to kill myself," Harry admitted crossing his arms over his chest.

"How might that affect them?"

"I don't know…"

"Do you think they might be sad?"

"Yeah, maybe," said Harry.

"Well, wouldn't you be sad if either of them died."

"Well, yes, of course I would," said Harry angrily.

"Calm down. I am just trying to make you realize that your friends care as deeply for you as you do for them."

Harry nodded slightly looking back at the fire.

"Do you want to see Ron and Draco?"

Harry thought about the question carefully. "Yes," he replied honestly. "But I am really scared of what their reactions might be. I don't know what to say to them. What if they ask me to explain what happened that day?"

"Why not tell them the truth?" asked Remus.

Harry snorted. "Yeah, right! Tell them I'm hearing Sirius's voice in my head! Oh that will go over well. It would be like second year all over again, only this time it would be worse!"

"Why not? You don't give your friends enough credit. They have stood beside through almost everything. Draco already knows about the dreams. Don't you think that he might understand about hearing the voice as well?"

"I don't know, maybe. What if they think I'm crazy?" he asked fearfully.

"Then send them to me and I will set them straight," said Remus, like it was the most obvious answer.

Harry thought about what Remus said and it sort of made sense. Although Remus believed Harry about the dreams they were both somewhat worried about him hearing voices. Harry had been really afraid that he may be developing schizophrenia or something. In response to his growing paranoia, Remus put Harry through a battery of tests over several days looking for possible mental illnesses. The only thing that had come back conclusive was that Harry suffered from severe depression, which was tied to his need to cut himself. Otherwise he was mentally healthy so to speak, which was surprising considering what Harry had been through over the years. They had yet to determine the real cause that Harry was hearing Sirius's voice. The possibilities that Harry could think of all seemed too scary to voice openly.

"Okay… do you think you could arrange for them to come here?" he asked.

"Sure I'll set it all up whenever you are ready. Do you want to see them together or individually?"

"As much as I love Draco, I think I need to see Ron first. He was the one who found me and that had to be really hard on him."

Remus looked like he wanted to say something more about that but held back. "Alright, just let me know when you are ready."

The day finally came in which Harry would see Ron. He was so nervous about seeing him again that he hadn't eaten a thing all day. Not having anything else to do while he waited, Harry sat upstairs in his bedroom reading a novel from Remus's library. To tell the truth he hadn't a clue what the book was about. He had reread the same paragraph a dozen times already. He couldn't seem to make himself concentrate as his stomach did flip flops.

Soon he heard a soft knock on his door. Taking a deep breath he answered, "Come in..."

Ron pushed open the door and stood in the doorway staring at Harry in disbelief. Harry, who had been sitting upon the bed, stood up to greet him, a little unsure of himself.

"Hi," said Harry, running his hand through his thick head of hair.

"Hey mate," said Ron now looking anywhere but directly at Harry. Hermione was right; Ron did look quite awful. There were dark circles under his eyes and he seemed slightly thinner than usual. Whether it was from a recent growth spurt or his sudden lack of appetite Harry couldn't decide.

"You can come in you know," said Harry laughing slightly as he sat back down on his bed.

"Okay," said the red head in a soft voice. Harry could see that Ron was shaking like leaf when he came to sit down beside him. He was apparently as nervous about this little meeting as Harry was.

"Nice room you've got here," said Ron taking in everything. The room looked a little more lived in than when Harry first arrived. Harry was finally able to hang up some of the Quidditch posters he had been collecting in his trunk over the years. He also put up a Hogwarts flag in Gryffindor colors and some more pictures of his friends and family. "Do you like living here with Remus?" asked Ron.

"Yeah, it's alright, I guess. Beats the Dursleys right?"

Ron looked at him surprised by his dark humor. Harry looked away feeling stupid for saying something so awful. He truly loved living with Remus so why was he being such a prat?

Suddenly Harry felt himself embraced roughly in Ron's arms. He stiffened at first when he felt the contact, but when he realized that Ron was crying he wrapped his own arms around him. After a long while, Ron pulled back hastily wiping his tears away.

"Sorry…"

"Are you alright?" Harry asked his best friend. He had never seen Ron look so pale or nervous before.

Ron shook his head no. "Do you know what it was like finding you like that Harry? You were covered in so much blood!" The tears started rolling down his freckled face once again as he squeezed his eyes shut. He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and placed his hands on his face. This was going to be just as hard as Harry thought it would be.

"I know. I'm sorry. I never meant for you to find me like that," said Harry putting a comforting arm around his friend's shoulder.

"Well, it's a good thing that I did. You almost died, Harry!" he yelled bitterly. Ron seemed almost angry about the fact that he had come close to death.

"I know… but you need to understand that I wasn't trying to kill myself…. I wasn't trying to commit s-suicide."

"You weren't?" asked Ron blinking at him in disbelief.

"No…"

"So what happened? Were you just trying to cut yourself again?" Ron looked at him with an odd mixture of curiosity and anger.

"Yeah, you could say that," said Harry softly.

"Well that's not much better. You promised us Harry! You said that you wouldn't cut again after last summer. You said that you would come to one of us when things got too bad…" Ron was nearly shouting by now.

"I know… I-I just didn't feel like I could tell you guys what was w-wrong…"

"It's because of me, isn't it?" said Ron looking thoroughly devastated. "It's because I gave you that ultimatum!" Ron's face was riddled with guilt and pain, and Harry hated knowing that he made his best friend feel so distraught.

"No… it's not that…" Ron didn't seem to hear him, however.

"I am so s-sorry Harry… when I t-told you that you had to chose between me and Draco I had no idea that it would upset you so much…I thought I was looking out for what was best for you… I know I was just being an idiot…"

Harry had been trying to get a word in edgewise, but Ron was nearly sobbing now as he spilled his heart out to Harry. He clearly believed that he was the reason that Harry had cut himself again. Ron wouldn't listen to a thing that Harry was trying to say and just continued with his tirade.

Seeing no other option he shook Ron firmly by the shoulders. "Ron, look at me!"

"What?" he asked, his blue eyes blurred with tears.

"None of this was your fault, okay?" Harry said to him trying to get the taller boy to look into his eyes.

"You're just saying that to make me feel better!"

"No, Ron, it's the truth. I have some problems that I haven't told you about, okay?"

"What kind of problems?" asked Ron. When it looked as if Harry didn't want to continue he added, "Please Harry, let me help you!"

"I am not sure if you will believe me…" said Harry.

"I will stand beside you no matter what Harry Potter. Nothing you can say would ever make me leave your side," said Ron with more warmth and compassion than Harry had ever heard him express.

With much resignation Harry told Ron his long story. He explained each of the dreams briefly like he did with Remus, but Ron wasn't as quick to pick up on Harry's subtle clues. Harry had to literally re-explain each dream again after he told Ron his theory that he was reliving Sirius's memories just to make him understand. He had to then show Ron Sirius's journal before he was fully able to understand the implications. For some reason Ron had a much easier time believing that Harry was hearing Sirius's voice calling out to him for help. Harry wondered if it was because he had heard voices in his second year when there was a Basilisk slithering through the pipes of Hogwarts. Ron seemed to mull over what Harry had said for a little while before he spoke again.

"Harry, can I ask you a question?" asked Ron thoughtfully.

"Sure…"

"Is that why you said those things to me when I found you?" asked Ron curiously.

Harry was shocked by Ron's question. He had no idea what he was talking about. "I don't remember. What did I say?" Harry asked, a little afraid of what he might hear.

"I can't remember exactly, but you were pleading with me to 'make the voice stop' and that you 'couldn't take it anymore'," said Ron.

"Oh… yeah that was why," said Harry. He remembered feeling completely hopeless as Sirius begged him for his help. The guilt over his death had never been as strong as that moment. His throat felt thick again and he was having difficulty swallowing for some reason. A small tear escaped the corner of his eye. He tried to wipe it away before Ron noticed it, but he was too late. His friend was looking at him sadly.

"Have you heard Sirius's voice again since that night?"

"No, but I have had a few more dreams," said Harry, sniffing.

"Harry, we'll figure this out okay?" said Ron, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"I hope so," said Harry. "Thanks for being there for me, Ron." Ron smiled at him sadly. He knew that Harry meant more than just saving his life that day, he meant Ron's constant support on a daily basis as well.

"Can I ask you a favor?"

"Sure," said Ron, willing to do anything at this point to help Harry.

"Will you explain everything to Hermione for me?" he asked hopefully.

"Sure…. but wouldn't it be better coming from you?"

Harry looked at Ron searchingly hoping that he would comprehend how hard it was having to tell him. Ron studied him carefully and nodded in understanding.

"Why didn't you tell any of us about this sooner?" asked Ron.

"Well, I did tell Draco about the dreams, but only because he found me after I had woken up from one of them. But I guess the real reason I kept this all to myself was that I was scared and confused. I thought I might be seriously going crazy, and I didn't know what all of you would think of me. I even had Remus give me some psychological tests to prove I wasn't."

"Well, whatever your reasons were I hope you realize in the future that your friends will always be there no matter what. We love you mate!" Ron gave him another big brotherly hug.

"Thanks Ron, I appreciate it. Hey, before you leave will you do me a favor?"

"Sure…" said Ron, wondering what Harry could possibly ask of him.

"Will you play chess with me? I am bored out of my mind right now!" Ron laughed at his exaggeration, but eagerly agreed.

He and Ron played three games of chess, and he lost each time to his best friend. Harry wouldn't have it any other way. The evening had turned out a lot better than he could have ever anticipated. Remus was right; he never gave his friends enough credit. He hoped that his visit with Draco tomorrow would be equally successful, although they did have a few more things to work out.

Later that evening, after Ron left, Remus came to check in on him before bed.

"Hey, I need to tell you something," he said softly. He sat beside Harry who was lying in the bed trying to read the book he started earlier.

"What is it?" asked Harry. Remus had that serious look on his face. The one he got when he had to deliver some important, yet disturbing news.

"Ron didn't have the heart to tell you this earlier, but it would appear that most of the student body thinks that you tried to commit suicide…"

"What? Why? Is someone spreading rumors about me?"

"No… not really. Harry you need to understand that when Ron found you, he wasn't thinking about anyone else finding out what had happened. He was more concerned with saving your life. He ran with you in his arms all the way from Gryffindor tower towards the infirmary. Unfortunately the students were all on their way to classes and many of them saw Ron carrying you. Your arms were quite bloody so they put two and two together. I am sure that they told their housemates and the gossip spread."

"Just great... lets add that to the list of reasons why my life sucks…" said Harry bitterly.

"I'm sorry kiddo. I just through you might like to know before you go back to school so that you would feel prepared," Remus tried to reason.

"When _am_ I going back?" asked Harry inquisitively.

"I am not sure. Probably soon. Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I guess. I think I am going to just go to bed. It's been a long day," said Harry. Although it was only nine o'clock at night, Harry felt like it was much later. Emotionally he was exhausted and all he could think about at this point was getting some rest. Hopefully the nightmares would stay away tonight.

"Alright, see you in the morning," said Remus tucking him in.

Harry lay there for while thinking about everything that had happened that day. It was great seeing Ron again, but his visit with his best friend brought back a lot of unpleasant memories. He wondered for the umpteenth time that day how his visit with Draco tomorrow would go. He was probably more nervous about seeing him than he had been about seeing Ron. Now he had a new dilemma to deal with as well… how was he going to handle everyone's questions about what had happened and why he had been gone for so long. His fellow Gryffindors had an insatiable curiosity about these types of things and they wouldn't let up until they received some bit of information that satisfied their need. He wondered how Ron and Hermione had been dealing with all of this. Maybe they had already played defense when it came to his dorm mates….

Just as he started to nod off he heard a knock at the door. "Harry, you have a visitor downstairs," said Remus softly, poking his head into the bedroom.

"Who?" said Harry clearly frustrated. He was glad that his visit with Ron had gone so well, but he wasn't sure if he was up to anymore visitors especially after what he had learned. He hadn't scheduled a day to meet with Hermione yet, and his visit with Draco wasn't until tomorrow.

"Grab a robe or something and I will explain," said Remus.

He got up and grabbed a robe to put on over his pajamas. The more he thought about this late night guest the more curious he became. A small part of him wanted who ever it was down there to just go away, but another part of him was touched that someone else had come to see him. He understood Remus's reasons for trying to isolate Harry somewhat during all of this, but he had been feeling rather lonely before Ron's visit. Remus was great, but he was no substitute for the kind of friendship he had now come to rely on.

"Who is it?" Harry demanded again now that he stood beside Remus in the hallway.

"Draco…" Remus whispered quietly.

"Really?" he asked smiling broadly. He hadn't stopped thinking about Draco since Harry had come here and he was really dying to see him again. His communication with his friends had been nonexistent until this week.

"I told him that he should just wait until tomorrow, but he seemed a little insistent. Apparently he found out that Ron was here earlier. He refuses to leave until he sees you."

"Okay, I guess I could go talk to him," said Harry. His voice sounded strong, but he was truly shaking inside. Now that the reality of the situation had set in, he wasn't entirely sure he was ready to face him yet. This was all so sudden. He made to walk toward the stairs, but Remus put a hand on his shoulder to stop him before he could go any further.

"Wait Harry… I need to warn you… he is a little angry right now…" Remus whispered fiercely into his ear. Harry was surprised by the sudden warning.

Harry opened his mouth to ask why Draco was angry, but he thought better of it. He thought he already knew why. Draco was probably mad that he had cut his arms again. He had promised Draco and Ron that he would never do that again, and if he ever felt like he needed to that he would come to one of them first.

"Alright… thanks…" Harry murmured as he entered the darkened hallway. He walked down the stairs slowly trying to think of what he would say when he would finally see his beloved again, but he couldn't find any words that seemed right. He sighed deeply and entered the living room area.

Harry quickly saw that Draco was standing in front of the fireplace with his arms crossed over his chest and his back to him. Gorgeous as ever, he was wearing a pair of loose fitting jeans and a charcoal knit sweater. Harry felt a little awkward now wearing only a pair of pajamas. He didn't feel that he had prepared properly for this meeting and he wished now that he had checked his appearance before he came down here. Unlike Draco's blond locks, which were cascading down on either side of this face loosely, Harry's mane was probably as unruly as ever.

Taking a moment to run his hand through his dark hair, Harry walked towards the tall blond and stood behind him for a moment hesitantly. He didn't want to startle him, but he didn't know what to say either. For some reason Harry sensed that Draco knew he was in the room. He had probably heard his footsteps, but he had yet to turn around and greet him.

In the end, Harry decided to take a step forward and reach out to him. He placed his hand tentatively Draco's shoulder. "Draco?"

"I hate you," Draco whispered, as his body stiffened. Harry was startled. He had not expected him to say that!

"W-what?" asked Harry in utter shock, removing his hand from his shoulder.

"I hate you…" Draco whispered angrily. He then turned around to face Harry, his arms still crossed. Harry looked up into his pale eyes and saw they were quite glassy with emotion. "I hate you for almost leaving me…"

"What do you mean?" asked Harry feeling completely bewildered. Harry noticed for the first time how awful Draco looked. He seemed much thinner since the last time he had seen him and he had dark circles under his eyes, much like Ron did. Hermione was right to have written to him. Both boys were a complete mess.

"What do you think I mean? You tried to kill yourself…and you nearly succeeded. What would I have done if I'd lost you..." said Draco angrily. Harry stared at Draco intently, too afraid to look away. The small boy was completely bewildered. He had never expected Draco to act like that towards him. Harry searched Draco's face, hoping to gain some understanding of the boy's passionate display of emotions. It was clear by the look in Draco's eyes now that he was in complete distress.

He thought about how he would feel if Draco had died, or if he had seen him near death, and he was filled with a deep ache in his chest. Was this how Draco felt right now? "I'm sorry…" said Harry softly.

Tearing his eyes away, Draco looked to the ceiling in hopes of drying the tears before they threatened to fall. He looked completely miserable as his bottom lip began quivering uncontrollably. Harry couldn't stand to see Draco this way anymore and he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around his chest.

"I'm so sorry… I love you…" he said pressing his head into the crook of Draco's neck. His breath was warm on his skin.

The mental barriers that Draco had put up to protect himself from everything came tumbling down. With those three precious words, he broke down completely. He wrapped his arms tightly around Harry trying to bring the smaller boy even closer, and began to sob.

Draco, overwhelmed by his own emotions, fell to his knees bringing Harry down with him. They sat there in this half seated and kneeling position clinging to one another desperately. Their souls quietly cried out in agony as they were once again reunited. Other than death, fate would never be able to tear these two apart again. Life had thrown many curve balls, and yet they were still willing to play the game.

Harry held onto him tightly, feeling both of their bodies shake ever so slightly. He had missed Draco's touch desperately all those weeks they were apart. He was no where near ready to pick up their relationship in regards to sexual intimacy, not after what happened on New Year's Eve, but he craved the attention that Draco gave him on a continual basis. He had come to depend on their soft caresses, long warm hugs, and gentle kisses. Harry had been deprived of love for so long while living with the Dursleys that he wasn't about to give it up on it so readily.

"Oh, Harry… you have no idea what I have been going through… it was awful… When your heart stopped, I thought I had lost you forever…" Draco whimpered through his tears.

"What? My heart stopped?" asked Harry fearfully.

"Yes…when I-I found out what had h-happened I ran straight to the infirmary. You were on a gurney c-covered in… b-blood. Madame Pomfrey w-was in the middle of surgery. No one noticed that I was standing there watching in horror. Then… then she said that your heart had s-stopped. I freaked out… I couldn't take it. I thought I had l-lost everything I had ever c-cared about. I must've passed out or something because it wasn't until I woke up later that someone told me you were still alive."

"Oh gods… I'm so sorry, Draco," said Harry pressing his face into the warm fabric of Draco's sweater. No one had told him that his heart had stopped. He knew that he had almost died, but he hadn't considered what that had meant entirely. It sounded so much scarier from Draco's point of view.

"They couldn't t-tear me from your side. I was so afraid that something might happen to you if I left. I held your hand for almost three days until they decided to take you away from me…" It was odd that Draco thought that the professors had tried to separate them. He didn't see that Harry was sent away so that he could heal without the pressure of the entire student boy pestering him for answers.

"They were only doing what they thought was best…" said Harry softly trying to make himself understand as well.

"Do you have any idea what I have been going through?" asked Draco, he took Harry's face into his hands and stared intently into his emerald green eyes.

"No, but I can only imagine," said Harry softly. "I'm sorry to put you through all that." He leaned forward and kissed Draco on the cheek, tasting his salty tears in the process. Draco's hands fell to his sides as he allowed the boy in front of him to express his love. Harry continued to kiss Draco softly all over his face, waiting to kiss him properly on the lips. When he finally did, it was the softest, sweetest kiss they have ever shared yet.

Draco pulled back finally and took Harry's face in his hands again. "Why?" he asked simply, his pale blue eyes filling with tears again.

Harry looked away, not wanting to admit the truth yet. Draco, unfortunately, took that as a sign that he was the cause of all Harry's problems. "It's because of me isn't it?" he asked softly.

"No… Draco…" Harry tried to explain, but Draco abruptly got up off the floor and began to pace in front of the fireplace. Harry watched him from his position still on the floor.

"It is because of me! Just admit it! I hurt you in the most unimaginable way!" Draco hugged his arms around his waist and choked back a sob. He seemed to be at a loss as to what to do so he continued to pace.

"No… that's not it..." Harry tried to explain. Draco didn't seem to be listening to him, so he picked himself up off the floor and stood in Draco's path.

"Oh gods Harry… I'm so sorry… I didn't know what I was doing…OH, BLOODY HELL!" Draco suddenly shouted to ceiling. "I fucked everything up!"

"Draco… stop this… listen to me!" Harry said grabbing Draco by the shoulders.

"What? I know you must hate me…" said Draco. Another tear slithered its way down his cheek, illuminated in the fire's light.

"I don't hate you… I love you… none of this is your fault…"

"Then whose fault is it… Weasley's?" asked Draco angrily.

"No, Ron's not the reason that I… I cut myself..."

"Cut yourself? You make it sound so simple. You tried to commit suicide, Harry!" the blond yelled angrily as he gestured with his hands wildly.

"No I didn't, Draco…I just got carried away…" Harry whispered.

"Carried away? You nearly sliced your arms in half!"

"Stop yelling!" Harry shouted. He covered his ears with his hands in frustration. Things were getting out of hand. This was why Harry was so worried about seeing Draco. He knew that his boyfriend would blame himself and wouldn't listen to reason. Draco saw Harry's obvious distress and stood there silently waiting for Harry to explain the situation better.

"Draco, I wasn't trying to kill myself, okay? You've got to believe me!" Harry pleaded. His emerald green eyes met Draco's pale blue ones. Harry knew from the look in Draco's eyes that he finally understood.

"You promised me that you would tell me everything… that you wouldn't let things get so bad that you would ever start cutting again…" Draco said quietly.

"I'm sorry… I just felt that I couldn't tell you what was wrong this time…"

"Why not?" asked Draco, tilting his head in contemplation. He came closer to Harry, closing the distance between them.

"Because I was really confused and scared. I thought I was going crazy for a while, and I was afraid that if I told someone the truth they might lock me up in St. Mungo's and I would never see any of you again…" Harry admitted truthfully.

"Why? What's wrong?" asked Draco. He stepped forward again, placing his arms around Harry in way that he could hold him while still looking him in the eyes.

Harry said nothing, and looked away. Should he tell Draco everything? Ron seemed to handle it okay, but what if Draco didn't believe him? What then?

"Please, Harry, don't shut me out…" Draco said. He leaned forward and kissed Harry on the forehead. The blond then bent his head down so that they were standing with their foreheads touching. Harry took a deep breath before he began.

"Well, you know those dreams I was having?" he asked.

"The ones about Sirius?" asked Draco.

"Yeah well they didn't go away. They only got worse."

"How bad are they?" he asked.

"Bad enough that I am hearing my godfather's voice while I am awake…" Harry blurted out.

"What?" Draco asked with his mouth dropping open

"That day that Ron found me in the bathroom I had heard Sirius calling out to me for help… while I was awake. It started in the Great Hall during breakfast. I was the only one that could hear him. I kind of freaked out and ran away. The voice wouldn't stop! After everything that had just happened I couldn't take it anymore. I felt so out of control…"

"So you cut yourself to feel like you were in control again?" asked Draco softly. He was beginning to understand problem with cutting more and more now.

"Yeah, only I wasn't… I took it too far when the voice wouldn't stop…" he said, tears slipping from his eyes.

Draco wrapped his arms around Harry more tightly and kissed him again on the side of his head. Harry was relieved that he wasn't acting any differently. He didn't know what he would do if Draco ever stopped accepting him.

"What does Remus say about all this?"

"Not much…He doesn't seem know why I can hear Sirius's voice and no one else can. I was worried that there might be something wrong with me so I asked him to check to see if I was crazy or something. Remus put me through a bunch of tests. It turns out that I don't have a mental illness or anything." Harry felt more and more relieved by this information each time he said it aloud.

"So what do you think this all means?" It appeared that Draco believed Harry's sincerity.

"I don't know…" Harry said nestling his head back into the crook of Draco's neck once again.

"We'll figure it out, Harry," Draco said determinedly.

"That's what Ron and Remus said too…"

"Well, for once they are both right," said Draco. "Harry can I ask you a question?"

"You just did…" said Harry playfully.

"Smart ass!" said Draco. "No, seriously, are you still cutting yourself?" The taller boy pulled back to look in Harry's face again.

"I haven't yet…"

"But you do you want to?" Harry didn't say anything in response. "_Harry_?" Draco asked sternly.

"It's not as easy to stop as you think, Draco. I need it…"

"Why?"

"I can't explain it…"

"Does Remus know this?"

"I think so…"

Draco sighed heavily, not knowing what else he should say. It was as if he had finally resigned to fact that Harry had a problem that wouldn't go away simply by asking it to. "How are you anyway?"

"Better. I still have some weakness in my arms, but otherwise I am feeling a lot better," replied Harry truthfully.

"When are you coming back to Hogwarts?" asked Draco hopefully.

"Probably soon… I am a little worried about going back though," Harry admitted.

"Don't be…"

"Why?"

"Hermione and Ron threatened to hex anyone that even tried to come near you and start asking questions. Hell, they would probably hex them if they breathed near you. I think they are all sufficiently scared enough to leave you alone while you adjust to being back at school."

"Well, that's a relief." Good old Ron and Hermione thinking ahead again. Now that he was thinking about his friends, Harry grew curious about the relationship between Ron and Draco since he had been away. Hermione had alluded to the fact that they were blaming each other for what had happened.

"Are you two still fighting?" asked Harry.

"I don't know…"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I am not sure what is up with the two of us. I don't think we are really fighting anymore. I think all it ever was… was venting at one another our frustrations for what you were going through. There is still some tension between us, but I think things will get better once you return."

"Really? Cause that whole situation totally sucked!" Harry replied in frustration.

"I'm willing to do my part if he is," said Draco. Harry nodded hoping that Ron would see things as clearly as he did.

"So what have you been doing here?"

"Nothing really. Remus and I talk a lot about things, but I'm bored out of my mind mostly. Would you believe I got all my homework that I had to make up done in two days?" Draco shook his head in disbelief. "Mostly I watch the telly."

"What's a telly?" asked Draco completely puzzled by the foreign terminology.

"You have never seen a telly before!" asked Harry, completely shocked.

"No, what is it?"

"Basically it's like… well… here just let me show you…" Harry dragged Draco by the arm over to the couch where he sat the blond down. Harry flipped on the television and soon the picture came to life. Draco was instantly mesmerized by all the colors and sounds. A commercial came on advertising feminine hygiene products in quite a peculiar manner. A look of utter disgust crossed Draco's face.

"You enjoy watching _this_," asked Draco mystified.

"Well, no this is just a commercial… it's like an advertisement. People watch the telly for entertainment. Hey, I think the Simpson's is coming on next!" Sure enough the theme song for the cartoon came on. Harry enjoyed the dark humor and comic relief the dysfunctional family provided.

"Is this magic?" asked Draco "How to Muggles get the pictures to move?"

"It's a long and complicated explanation, Dray. Just watch!"

And so Harry and Draco watched the telly together, lying beside one another on the cramped little sofa. Shivering slightly Harry pulled the throw blanket that was lying on the back of the sofa over the top of them. They snuggled closer together under its warmth. Draco wrapped his arms around Harry as he watched the television program with interest. Occasionally he brushed back Harry's bangs and kissed him on the forehead, but mostly they cuddled together.

Exhausted by their conversation earlier, they were soon fast asleep. Later in the evening, Remus came downstairs to check on the two boys. He discovered them fast asleep despite the telly being on. He turned the muggle contraption off and pulled the blanket up over their shoulders to keep them warm. They looked innocent enough so he left them alone. Draco and Harry deserved some time like this together. He crept back up stairs with a huge smile on his face. It would appear that Harry was ready to go back to Hogwarts sooner than he had anticipated.

A/N: Are these chapters too long? Let me know. I desperately wanted to write this chapter from another POV here but I swore to myself that I would stay consistent. It made Ron and Draco's reactions difficult to write, especially through Harry's eyes. I am sure you were all surprised by Draco's initial reaction when he saw Harry, but I didn't want to be predictable or typical with his character. He is a Slytherin after all and tends to lash out passionately. Just imagine what he went through all that time he was separated from Harry thinking that it was his fault. He was feeling guilty at first, but then his emotions swayed towards anger for Harry almost leaving him. I wanted to convey Draco's moods as swinging wildly back and forth (angry… loving… angry) because I wanted to show his inner turmoil as he processed everything. I hoped that I achieved that affect.

A/N2: Here is a little teaser for you…. the next chapter is titled _Beyond the Veil_….

**Many thanks to all my reviewers and a thousand thanks to my beta Drae!**


	20. Beyond the Veil

A/N: This chapter is somewhat shorter, but it is filled with angst and explosive conversations. We will all finally discover the truth. But will it be more than Harry can bear?

**Chapter 20- Beyond the Veil**

_Dear Journal, _

_Remus says that I can go back to school on Monday, and believe it or not I am actually looking forward to it. I need the normalcy that going through the daily routine of being at Hogwarts brings to me. I can't wait to get on my broom again too. I haven't been out on the Quidditch pitch for ages. I hope that I will still be able to fly as well as I did before. There should be some Quidditch matches coming up rather soon._

_As much as I want to go back, I am really nervous about seeing everyone again. I sometimes wonder what everyone thinks of me. I have never been one to worry about other people's opinions very much, but no one wants to be the resident freak. I am sure that my friends are going to be watching my every move too. They mean well, but sometimes they just don't understand what I am going through._

_Why am I so messed up? You would think that after my visits with Ron and Draco that I would feel a lot better about myself, but the emptiness still remains. Why? What's wrong with me that I can't be happy? Ron and Draco were so great about everything and I appreciated every moment we were together. I especially liked the time I spent with Draco snuggling on the sofa. I needed to feel his warm body next to mine so desperately that it was almost painful to say goodbye to him in the morning. I couldn't ask for better friends than the ones I have, so why isn't it enough. Why do I feel just as sad and empty as I did before their visit?_

_Considering the fact that I have never really written anything before now, I find it amazing how freely these words fall onto this page. It feels like I am unburdening my soul. Now that I've started writing, I feel like I can't stop. There are so many things going on in my mind right now… more than I could ever express to Remus. He tries hard but will he ever really understand? Why does he even put up with me in the first place? Sometimes I feel that the only reason I am here is because he feels obligated to… like he is indebted to my parents and Sirius._

_I'm struggling to overcome the dark depression I feel myself slipping into on a daily basis. In addition to the dreams and Sirius calling out to me, I have a lot of emotional baggage from my past. For a while I had hoped that I had put all those issues behind me. But they are still there, staring me in the face with each passing day. The shame of the abuse that my so called relatives caused me to endure, the need for and fear of intimacy that I so desperately crave from my boyfriend, and the guilt over the death of my parents, Cedric, and Sirius… Sirius… I miss him so much… it was all my fault… The need to cut again grows stronger with each passing day._

_Sometimes I think about the time I spent in Limbo on that fateful Halloween night. I remember all of those awful things that I had to endure as a small child. Why would anyone ever to do that to a little boy? Am I really a freak that deserves that type of punishment? But what I remember most is that eternally cold darkness and the utter aloneness I felt within its undefined depths. Several times I felt myself slip away from Draco while we were there, and I sometimes wonder what would have happened to my soul if I had not chosen to live again. Would I have existed in limbo forever, reliving all those awful memories for eternity? Would my soul have gone to hell, whatever that may be? Or would I have gone to heaven and spent the rest of forever with my parents? Is there even a heaven? Am I even worthy of being in heaven? I find myself contemplating these issues over and over in an endless cycle of self pity and doubt. _

_What troubles me most is the fact that I felt something else lurking in that unseen darkness of Limbo. I have never been able to determine what I actually thought was in the darkness with me, but it is something more powerful and overwhelming than my soul can possibly comprehend within the confines of my feeble body. The more I try to think about it, the more I understand that the darkness is not something I am meant to understand. But it calls to me nonetheless. It has begun to plague not only my dreams, but my conscious mind while I am awake._

_-H._

Later that week, Remus and Harry found themselves sitting together at the dining room table eating chicken stir fry. Neither of them was saying very much at the moment. Harry was dreading another therapy session this evening and Remus seemed to have something on his mind.

It was as if Remus had expected Harry to revert back to his normal cheerful self after the boys had visited him. Harry half expected that of himself too, but that clearly had not happened. He was just as irritable as ever and he was having difficulty pin pointing what was exactly bothering him. Remus had tried so hard to engage him in light conversations, but Harry remained silent for the most part. He even tried to initiate playing one of the various Muggle games that he had found stashed away in one of the old closets, the games were left untouched.

It was almost as if Remus were trying too hard to make Harry happy again. He put on a cheerful face and was as upbeat about everything as possible, but beneath the exterior Harry saw the truth. Some say that the eyes are the windows to the soul, and when Harry looked into Remus's eyes all he saw was sadness and tired frustration. Why did he feel like he had to pretend?

Harry picked at his meal thoughtfully. He wasn't overly hungry and he saw no point in forcing himself to eat when his body clearly didn't want to. Remus suddenly looked up and eyed him carefully, so Harry stabbed a water chestnut and carefully placed it in his mouth. Chewing slowly, he smiled mockingly at Remus who had to encourage him more often than not to eat something.

Harry absentmindedly wondered when Hedwig would return. He had decided to write to Hermione after his visit with Ron and Draco, and she had yet to return. Not really knowing how far Villa de Luna was from Hogwarts, he had no way of knowing just how far she had to travel.

Finally, when the silence seemed unbearable, Remus finally spoke. "I have something of a dilemma that I need your help with…" he began.

"What's that?" asked Harry tiredly, not really paying attention to anything.

Remus sighed deeply and then took a deep breath before he began again. "The Wizengamot has finally set a court date for the custody hearing. It's this Saturday…"

Harry stared at Remus but said nothing. _So it begins…_

"We don't have to go through with all of this if you don't want to, you know," Remus said carefully. Staring into the older man's eyes, Harry knew that he was fearful of Harry's answer.

"I know," said Harry softly. "I still want to stay with you." It wasn't like he really had anywhere else to go anyway. _You just feel obligated to take me in…_

"Okay, good," said Remus, looking somewhat relieved. "Well, my dilemma is that I am not sure what to do with you on Saturday…"

Harry looked at him quizzically, not really understanding what he meant. _Trying to get rid of me already?_

"I can't leave you here unprotected and I am sure you wouldn't feel comfortable with someone from the Order or Hogwarts looking after you. So that means that you either have to return to Hogwarts early or come to the hearing with me…"

Harry thought about this decision carefully. They had planned that he would finally return to Hogwarts on Monday, and he had only mentally prepared himself for this arrangement. If he went back on Saturday that meant he would be there for two full days without anything to distract him or his house mates. What if they started asking questions? What if they wouldn't leave him alone until they got some answers? What if they acted strangely or ignored him completely? At least if he went back Monday everyone would be so consumed with going to their classes that they wouldn't bother him as much. Going back on Monday would be an easier transition for everybody.

"Would I have to testify?" he finally asked.

"No, of course not. Your statement has been taken, and I have been assured that you cannot be forced to testify," said Remus.

"Will the Dursleys be there?" Harry asked fearfully.

"No, they will not. If the court finds it necessary they will obtain a statement from them at Privet Drive. I doubt they would ever step into our courtroom willingly because of their obvious fear of magic."

_You have no idea…_

"Well, I guess I'll go with you to the Ministry then…" He put down his fork that he had been holding in mid air all this time and sat back. He then crossed his arms protectively over his chest after revealing his decision.

"Are you sure? I didn't think you would ever want to go back there after… well, you know…. I don't even want to have to go there," said Remus who also put down his fork. Apparently he had lost his appetite as well. _Neither one of us has ever spoken of Sirius's death, why start now?_

"What will happen there?" asked Harry curiously.

"Well, it will be a closed hearing, meaning the media will not be allowed inside or be privy to what happens on Saturday. Madame Pomfrey, Professor Dumbledore and I will plead your case. We will only say that we have discovered that the Dursleys are unfit to care for you and that I should obtain permanent custody."

Seeing the worry in Harry's eyes he added, "Don't worry; we are not going to tell everyone what happened to you… Madame Pomfrey and I are actually bound to a healer-patient confidentiality contract to you much like they have in the Muggle world, so we couldn't reveal anything about your past without your consent. Dumbledore will have to be a little more careful when he makes his statement, but I'm not worried. He's a manipulative old coot!"

Harry stared at Remus and waited for him to continue. "The fact that you are no longer technically a minor and could legally live on your own in the wizarding world should be sufficient enough sway our case. We are arguing that you have enough money to support yourself if need be, but that you will remain in my care, as a member of the Order, for your own safety. Fortunately for us, we have had Percy working on the inside. He has helped us immensely by looking up all the necessary information regarding custody laws. As long as I do not attempt to adopt you, they can't object to my custody rights. Because of that my lycanthropy shouldn't be an issue. You gotta love legal loop holes…" Remus said. He had tried to make light of the whole situation, but Harry was obviously not responding.

Remus eyed him thoughtfully, expecting the raven haired teen across from him to reply to everything he just heard. Harry had merely nodded, but didn't say a word.

"What's wrong Harry? I thought you would at least be happy or something…"

"How happy do you want me to be?" asked Harry bitterly. _It's not like I wished any this upon myself…_

Remus threw up his hands in frustration. He opened and closed his mouth several times trying to think of what he would say next. Finally bursting with pent up frustration over the last week, Remus exploded. "I have tried so hard to make a home for you Harry, and I don't think that you appreciate it. I have given you some space, because that is what I thought you needed, and I have never pushed you to talk about anything. Yet for the last week or so you have been nothing but cold to me. Why are you treating me this way, Harry? Have I done something wrong?"

"No… you've done everything just right, haven't you?" Harry said staring at the wood grain in the table now. He did not want to be having this conversation right now, but he could think of no way to get around it at this point.

Remus stared at him incredulously. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Harry rubbed his face tiredly and wondered how he should begin to tell Remus what had been plaguing him all this week. It was only now starting to make sense to him. There seemed only one way to get the answers that he needed so he just came out and asked. "Why are you doing any of this anyway?"

"What?"

"Why do you feel obligated to take me in?" Harry blurted out. "It's not like you're my godfather or anything…"

At first Remus seemed thoroughly shocked and hurt by his statement, but after a few moments he seemed to get where this conversation was going. His face softened from one of anger to that of understanding. "I know that Harry. Sirius was your godfather. I know I could never replace him, or what he meant to you. I don't feel obligated to take you in. I want to take you in because I care about you," said Remus softly.

As much as Harry wanted to believe him there was a small part of him deep inside that couldn't believe the validity of his words. The Dursleys had instilled in him long ago that he was nothing but a burden and that he was worthless. "Yeah right… You're probably doing this only because Dumbledore asked you to. Can't have his golden boy living on the streets, now can we?"

"That's not the reason why, Harry…" Remus tried again. He got up from his seat and walked around the table to where Harry was currently seated. He placed a hand on his shoulder, but Harry angrily knocked it away jumping from his seat in the process.

"Or maybe it's because I am just a little miniature version of James! Or maybe you just miss Sirius more than you are willing to let on! Or maybe you just miss being apart of the Marauders, the only thing that was ever good in your life! You lost all your friends in one way or another. So now you are pretending that I can take their place!" Harry shouted. Remus froze in place horrified at the awful things Harry had just said.

Angry hot tears fell down Harry's face as he backed away from the man who had so lovingly taken him in. Harry just couldn't believe that someone would have taken him in for anything other than selfish purposes. He was just a messed freak, wasn't he? Who would ever really want or love him?

"That's not true Harry. I can't believe you would ever think that of me. I love you. You are no substitute!" Remus started to walk toward him brushing off a stray tear from his own face with the back of his hand.

"Yeah right, everyone is always telling me how much I look like James. What else am I supposed to think?"

"That may be true, but you are very different in your father…in many ways," Remus tried to explain.

"Oh yeah…I forgot. I am the one who is a messed up kid who has been beaten and sexually abused for most of his life. You're right…there are differences!" Harry was sobbing now, but he hadn't stopped backing away. This situation was oddly reminiscent of their conversation that day in Remus's private quarters in Hogwarts.

"Harry, why are you doing this? What's wrong?" Remus looked really afraid now and at a loss as to what to do next. _He probably thinks I am going to go slice up my arms like I did before…_

Harry finally stopped when he reached the back of the sofa. He crossed his arms protectively against him and tucked his chin into his chest as the tears fell.

Remus approached him carefully and gently grabbed his chin with his hand, forcing the small boy to look up at him. "Harry, what's wrong?"

"It's okay…you don't have to take me in if you don't want to," he whispered.

"But I do…" he tried to reassure Harry as he wiped away a few tears.

"Why? How could you possibly want to take care of a mess like me?" His emerald green eyes were glassy with tears and emotion. Remus could sense the desperateness in his words and silently cursed the Dursleys for systematically destroying this small boy's self worth.

"Because I love you… you mean the world to me kiddo…" Remus said lovingly.

"I don't believe you…" Harry whispered.

"Just because you don't believe something doesn't mean it's not true."

Harry shook his head slightly in disbelief. He wasn't ready yet to understand. "You're probably just like everyone else…"

"What?"

"Most people only like the Boy-Who-Lived. They like what that title stands for. They don't see who _Harry_ is..." the teen revealed suddenly.

"I do… I can clearly see who _Harry_ is," said Remus confidently.

"Oh yeah and what do you see," said Harry in a patronizing tone.

"I see a brave young man who despite all odds remains amazingly strong, and would do everything in his power to protect his friends. I see a young man who gives love readily but never expects it in return. I see a soul that has seen more horrors than anyone could possibly imagine yet continues to strive to live. I see a person who struggles to survive the only way he knows possible. Most importantly I see a boy I have grown to _love_ like a son that I would do anything for…. I do see you Harry….. just Harry…"

Harry began crying again as he listened to Remus's speech. He looked up at him, his green eyes hopeful that all the wonderful things that Remus had just said were true. "Harry, I would protect you with my life if need be. If I could turn back time and right all the wrongs that have happened in your life, I would…. but I can't. So I am going to try and be there for you the only way I know how… as your guardian… as your therapist… as your friend…"

Harry clung to him, hugging him fiercely. All week, he had desperately wanted to believe that those were the reasons Remus had taken him in, but there was the nagging bit of self doubt that made him skew reality. Distancing himself was the only way he knew to protect himself if he had discovered Remus really didn't want him.

"I'm sorry... I have been such an idiot…" he whispered into Remus's warm clothing

"It's alright, Harry. I understand…." he replied, stroking the boy's messy locks.

"I just never know who to trust anymore… things always get so fucked up!"

"Well, you can trust me always, and I promise you that I will never leave you. I can't imagine not having you somehow a part of my life now. No matter what happens or what you may say or do I will always love you like a son…" said Remus hugging the small boy closer and placing a kiss affectionately on top of his head.

"I love you too Remus," said Harry truthfully. He felt more relieved than he had in a long time. At least now he knew for sure the true reason Remus wanted him around.

The next few days passed by agonizingly slowly. The day before the trial began Remus asked Harry an important question at the end of one of their sessions.

"Are you sure you want to come with me to the Ministry of Magic? It's not too late to arrange for you to go back to school early," he said reassuringly.

"Yeah? Why?" asked Harry.

"I just thought that going there with me might bring back too many memories, you know?" said Remus.

"It probably will, but what other choice do I have?" asked Harry.

"I'm sorry if this will bring you more pain, but at least it will have a positive outcome," Remus said hopefully, but Harry shrugged.

"You're sure that we will win the case?" he asked.

"Yeah, I think everything will be okay," said Remus, mostly to himself. He began to gather up his notes and things from the couch and placed them on a nearby table. Stretching his arms over his head, he stood before the fireplace thoughtfully.

There had been something on Harry's mind since he had first heard Sirius's voice that he had been meaning to ask someone. It never seemed like a good time, and he hated to bring anything up that may be sad or painful for Remus. Knowing that he would never again find the courage, Harry decided to ask him his question. Little did he know that this one question would set forth a string of events that would change his life _forever_.

"Remus?" he called softly.

"Yes?" Remus said, turning around to face Harry who was still seated at the couch cross-legged.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure," said Remus shrugging his shoulders and looking quite intrigued. It was rare that Harry ever initiated a conversation.

"Do you promise to answer honestly no matter what?"

"Yes," said Remus growing concerned at the seriousness in Harry's voice.

Harry took a deep breath before he began. "What happened to Sirius that night at the Department of Mysteries?"

Remus looked like a deer caught in the headlights as his eyes grew as round as saucers. "You know what happened, Harry… He f-fell through the veil."

"Yes, but what happened to him," said Harry in a frustrated tone.

"I'm not following you," said Remus, looking perplexed at his question. He sat down again across from Harry and leaned forward, placing his arms on his knees.

"I guess what I mean to ask is what is on the other side of the veil?" asked Harry.

Remus said nothing and looked a way towards the fire. Harry sensed that his question was going to go unanswered so he stood up defiantly and replied, "You promised Remus!"

"I know, I know. Listen, I don't have a lot of information about all this... I didn't even want to think about it for a very long time... All I know is that the veil is some type of portal leading from this world to some other plane of existence…"

"What do you mean?" asked Harry curiously. He narrowed his eyes and looked at him quizzically.

For a while it looked as if he wasn't going to answer him. Harry could see from the look in his eyes that he was trying to think of what to say. Finally, Remus looked Harry dead in the eyes, and replied, "The veil is the threshold to Limbo."

"What!" Harry shouted, clearly shocked and not expecting that answer.

"I didn't want to tell you Harry! I was trying to protect you," Remus pleaded.

"Why? You should have told me!" Harry shouted again. He stamped his foot angrily as if he were a little child throwing a tantrum.

"I know, but I didn't want to upset you. It's not like what happened with you and Draco," Remus said sadly. This conversation was obviously painful for him, but Harry had to know the truth now.

"I don't understand… we came back. Why can't Sirius?" he asked.

Remus stood up as well now and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Because… it doesn't work like that. When Draco cast the soul mate spell only your souls were sent to Limbo. Your bodies remained behind so that your souls could return. When Sirius crossed over, he went through body and soul. There is nothing for his soul to come back to. He has been lost forever…" Remus voice sounded tight like he was struggling to suppress his emotions. His eyes had become glassy as well.

"You mean to tell me that he's really not dead!" Harry shouted in disbelief.

"But he is… well, he is as _good as dead, _Harry. He is never coming back. You must realize that!" said Remus growing more and more frustrated.

"You lied to me! You _all_ lied to me! You should have told me!" Harry pleaded.

"I know, we thought we were protecting you at the time…"

"But you're not! Things just got whole lot worse... Don't you see Remus? That's why I'm having these dreams and why I can hear Sirius's voice. He is reliving his memories in Limbo like I did…."

Remus said nothing as he looked away dejectedly. Suddenly, Harry realized something important. He paced back and forth trying to make sense of it all. "Oh my gods…. For Merlin's sake he's calling out to me for help! I must have made some sort of connection with him while I was in Limbo…"

Remus again said nothing as he stared at Harry sadly. Harry stared straight back at him and he suddenly understood Remus's abrupt silence.

"You knew! Oh my gods… you knew! You knew that was the reason why I was hearing Sirius's voice. Didn't you?" Harry asked, as angry tears formed in his eyes.

"I did suspect that, yes, but not until recently," Remus admitted in a defeated voice.

"You knew and you didn't tell me!" Harry shouted again, pointing his finger accusingly at Remus.

"I was going to but it never felt like the right time. Besides, Harry, what good would it have done? There is nothing you can do. You can't get your hopes up!" Remus tried to reason.

"Why?"

"Because… there is no way to bring Sirius back. He's gone! Dead! Okay, now let it go!" Remus pleaded. His chin began to quiver and it looked as if the tears were threatening to fall again from his tired eyes.

It pained Harry to see Remus like that. He knew that he had been as close to Sirius as Harry was to Ron. He could only imagine what it must feel like to lose a friend like that. Hell, he barely even knew Sirius when he died and the pain and guilt had cut at him like a knife. As much as Harry wanted to spare Remus from this conversation, Harry couldn't let it go. He was drowning in this depression that had begun to suffocate him. Maybe truly understanding would finally set him free.

"I can't! These dreams won't go away. I had another this morning for Merlin's sake!"

"You did?" asked Remus sadly, and Harry nodded.

"Well, the professors and I are trying our best to find a cure…" Remus tried.

"But I don't want them to stop now!" he shouted. His voice was becoming hoarse from all the yelling, but he didn't care. He needed to say all of this once and for all.

"Harry, you have to let Sirius go…I know its hard… but we have to…" Remus said, a tear cascading down his cheek.

"I c-can't, not if there is some way to bring him back!" Harry yelled again, trying to make Remus understand.

"There isn't Harry, trust me! There is no spell, potion, or charm that I know of that will ever bring him back. He's gone!"

"You can't just leave him there. He is reliving all those awful memories just like I did. It's awful! It's like he is stuck in hell!" He screamed angrily.

"Harry…" said Remus as he tried to reach out to him.

"No, don't touch me…" Harry said, twisting his way out of Remus's grasp. "You just don't understand… You didn't hear him calling for help…" Harry said in almost a whisper. A sob escaped his lips as his chest filled with emotion.

"Harry, listen…" Remus tried to explain as he followed Harry, who had been backing away. "Where are you going?"

"I want to be alone!" Harry said, as he ran up the stairs. Remus chased after him, but was greeted by the door slamming in his face.

Harry paced about his room processing everything that had just happened as tears streamed down his face. He could hear Remus knocking on the door, trying to get in. Harry must have someone how placed a wandless locking charm on the door in his anger, because Remus couldn't seem to get through.

The need was too strong to deny any longer. Harry walked over to his trunk and located one of the pins that he had been hiding. Slumping to his knees as he sat on the floor, he held the tiny piece of metal in his hand. It glinted softly by the light in the room. He knew that it wouldn't do very much damage, but it was the mere idea that he could inflict pain upon himself that was so appealing. No one could ever hurt him more than he could. He was the one in control. Nobody else!

Suddenly, he closed his fist around the small object in frustration. His knuckles turned white with strain as he clutched the pin more fiercely. Was this what he had become? Had he become someone who couldn't deal with reality and cut in desperation? Was this how he was going to live the rest of his life?

Deep down Harry knew that the self mutilation had to stop. The quick fixes weren't helping any longer and he had already caused everyone such much pain. But what was he supposed to do? How do you get rid of the painful ache inside of you that is so strong you feel like you are crawling in your own skin trying to get out? Everything was just so confusing. Just when things were starting to feel normal again something else happens to send him into a whirlwind of emotions.

He leaned forward on his knees, wrapping his arms around himself as he continued to cry. Slowly he began to rock himself back and forth. He wasn't entirely sure who he was praying to, but he began to silently pray nonetheless. He prayed for an answer to end his pain, but mostly he begged for absolution.

He vaguely heard the sound of Remus magically breaking the locks on the door and entering the room. He was so absorbed in his grief that he barely registered the fact that Remus had picked him up off the floor and was holding him on the bed, rocking him back and forth n his comforting arms. Harry leaned into the touch and cried his heart out. At one point Remus must have found the safety pin clutched in his hand because it was missing from his palm later on.

"Harry… I know you must hate me… I just didn't want you to hurt anymore… I'm sorry I didn't tell you… I love you…" Remus whispered into his ear.

Harry couldn't find his voice to answer the man holding him, but he could never truly hate Remus. He had only been acting out anger when he thought he had been betrayed.

Harry wasn't sure when he actually fell asleep that night, but when he did fall unconscious it was with one amazing and terrifying idea in his head. He knew what he needed to do now more than ever, but he dared not tell Remus. It seemed so simple really. All he had to do was remember to bring his invisibility cloak when they went to the Ministry of Magic tomorrow morning. Harry was going to slip out of the custody meeting and to talk to Sirius if it was the last thing he did.

A/N:This chapter was inspired by the song Breaking the Habit by Linkin Park, especially the last scene. I'm not aloud to write the lyrics here but if you have the song on your computer it makes great background music for reading this chapter.**  
**

A/N2: Little cliffhanger there for you. Yea… the plot's unfolding! Many of you have probably already guessed at where this is going. (A little cliché, I know!) For the record I have never read another story like this, on purpose, so that I could remain original. Tell me what you thought of this chapter. Was Harry too angsty? I thought he deserved to be after everything he has been through. He still has a hard time trusting and understanding how people can love him. I don't think that he will actually try to cut anymore, but I don't think he can ever give up on the idea of trying. I am not a cutter so I can't be sure. Let me know what you think! 

A/N3: There seems to be a lot of crying sessions in my story. I don't mean to make Harry out to be weak (and he's not), but they just fit so nicely into the plot line. I know… I know… another chapter without Draco. Well, the next chapter will not include him either, but the rest should feature him more prominently.

**Many thanks to all my reviewers and my beta Drae!**


	21. Conversations with the Dead

A/N: Well, it looks like the lack of ellipses (or …) in my last chapter wasn't my fault at all; it was because of some system error in I tend to use them a lot in my writing for dramatic purposes, so the last chapter looked like my beta and myself had made a lot of grammatical errors. That was clearly not the case. Someone please let me know if I can replace the chapter without losing all my precious reviews

_Okay, here is the chapter at the Department of Mysteries you have all been waiting for!_

**Chapter 21- Conversations with the Dead**

Harry awoke as daylight broke the horizon the next morning to find Remus sitting in a chair beside his bed looking after him. Well, to be truthful, Remus was currently slumped in his seat with his head cocked to one side and snoring rather loudly. Apparently Remus thought it would be safer if he watched over Harry all evening, but had fallen asleep during the effort. Feeling rather uncomfortable, Harry shifted his position in his bed. Unfortunately, the springs annoyingly squeaked loudly and Remus awoke with a start. Harry wondered what he might say to him after he had come so close to cutting again. But Remus just looked at Harry knowingly and caressed his messy head softly as he went about encouraging the boy to get up and start the day. Remus knew better to push him to talk about everything so soon after an episode.

Neither of them knew what to say to one another and Remus was looking rather ill about having to take Harry with him to London today. He kept repeatedly asking the younger man if he wouldn't rather go to Hogwarts instead, but Harry insisted that he would be fine.

After a light breakfast, as neither of them felt like eating much, they walked to a distance beyond the cabin in which the wards did not reach. They would have to apparate to a location near the Ministry of Magic instead of flooing because their fireplace was currently only connected to Hogwarts as a security precaution. Upon reaching a safe distance from the wards Harry grasped onto Remus's robes, and they quickly apparated to an alley within the heart of London. Harry recognized their location immediately from when he was required to attend the court hearing two summers ago when he was forced to use magic outside of school. Harry smiled inwardly as he remembered how scared Dudley had been when the Dementors approached them in Surrey.

The pair briskly walked along one of the streets in downtown London passing several shabby-looking offices, an old pub and an overflowing skip. Harry slowed his pace beside Remus when the old red telephone box came into view. The reality of the situation hadn't really set in until he laid eyes on it. This would be the first time he had been to the Ministry of Magic since Sirius's death. Memories of that awful night came thundering back into his head like an enormous rain storm. A whirlwind of emotions overcame him and he swayed slightly.

Remus noticed his distress immediately and stepped before him, gripping each arm tightly to prevent Harry from falling over. He looked deep into his emerald green eyes searching for an understanding. But Harry appeared hollow and sad.

"This wasn't a good idea. Why don't we just go home and ask the Wizengamot to reschedule the court hearing? I don't want to put you through this," said Remus, who was now trying to guide Harry back the way they came.

Harry stood his ground and pulled on Remus's arm. "No, I want to go. I _need_ to go, Remus," he said with as much conviction as possible.

"Are you sure?" Remus asked again for the hundredth time that day. Harry nodded confidently and walked up to the telephone box.

Harry pulled open the red door and noticed that the near ancient muggle contraption was still in a state of disrepair. There were several missing panes of glass and the alley wall behind it was heavily graffitied. Harry was sure that some of the locals had added their own "artwork" in recent months because some of the designs were of a nature that he did not recognize from his last excursion here. It was amazing how efficiently the dilapidated old telephone box disguised the location of the Ministry of Magic. Muggles passing by this location wouldn't give it a second look other than to sneer at it in outright disgust.

Harry grew more anxious as he realized what may happen once he was inside the Ministry. He was determined now more than ever to carry out his plan. Not waiting for Remus, he picked up the receiver inside the phone booth and dialed 6-2-4-4-2. How he had remembered that number he will never know.

"Hello, and welcome to the Ministry of Magic. Please state your name and what your business is here," said the friendly receptionist on the other end of the line.

"Our names are Remus Lupin and Harry Potter… and we're here for a… er… custody hearing?" Harry asked sounding a little unsure of himself. He turned towards Remus who had now joined him the telephone booth. The older man nodded and Harry understood that he had said the right thing.

"Thank you," said the receptionist. "Please submit to a search and present your wand for registration if you have not already done so at the security desk at the far end of the Atrium."

The line then went dead so Harry hung up the phone. Two small silver badges bearing their names appeared in the coin return, and Remus and Harry promptly pinned them on. Harry then took a deep breath as the telephone booth began to descend below the streets of London towards the subterranean offices of the Ministry of Magic. Remus put a comforting hand on his shoulder and looked at him sadly.

Soon the doors opened to reveal the Atrium, which was the main corridor of the Ministry of Magic. Harry stood unmoving in the telephone lift, completely transfixed at the scene before. He wasn't sure what he had been expecting, but it certainly was not this. Everything looked exactly the same as when he had been here two summers before, instead of the scene of horror that he witnessed just last June. He closed his eyes briefly trying to block out the memories of destruction and mayhem that had occurred in this very corridor when he battled Lord Voldemort. By the time it had all ended and Dumbledore rescued him from being possessed, the place had been completely ruined. Opening his eyes he could see now that there wasn't anything left to indicate that a battle had ever taken place here.

It was because of that very night that the Ministry of Magic had to openly admit the return of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. It would have been too difficult to deny his very existence when he had so boldly stepped foot on their very own turf.

"Come along, Harry," said Remus, who had gently nudged the boy forward with his hand that still rested on his shoulder. "Let's get this over with so we can go home."

Harry loved hearing Remus say that word… _home_. Besides Hogwarts, Harry could never remember having any place to really call home. He smiled up at his new guardian and gathered his courage to will himself to keep moving. He would never forgive himself if he wasn't able to carry out this self-appointed task.

They quickly moved across the long hallway, their heels tapping ever so lightly against the highly polished, dark wood flooring. It was fairly quiet this time of morning and hardly a witch or wizard could be seen down the long corridor. The first time he was here, there were people bustling about everywhere and they were even popping in and out of the gilded fireplaces that line the Atrium's walls. Harry wondered if the Ministry was always this slow during the weekends.

Glancing upwards, Harry was startled to see a peculiar message written in golden lettering against the peacock blue ceiling that served as a large bulletin board. "_Death Eater attacks in the United States_ _have been mistaken for terrorist activity. No reported casualties at this time…"_

Harry had only seen the message for a fleeting moment, but it was enough to shake him thoroughly. Because of his isolation, he had almost forgotten about the systematic attacks that Voldemort had been planning and executing around the world. A part of him wished he still had his connection to the Dark Lord. The Order of the Phoenix had no way of knowing what was going on now that Snape had been discovered as a spy.

"What is it?" asked Remus with concern. Harry hadn't noticed that he had stopped completely in the middle of the long hallway and was staring transfixed at the ceiling, his eyes not focusing on any thing in particular anymore.

"Oh… er, sorry… it's nothing. I just saw a posting about some Death Eater attacks," said Harry solemnly. Remus nodded in understanding and continued to walk forward, leaving Harry behind. An air of sadness seemed to follow him as he proceeded. Harry sometimes forgot that he wasn't the only one affected by this war. He hurried his pace to catch up to Remus, and fell in step just behind him.

Harry quickly diverted his eyes as they passed the Fountain of Magical Brethren half way down the hall. The golden statues circling the pool had been the site where he had confronted Bellatrix Lestrange and later fought Voldemort. He was still ashamed of himself for trying to use the Cruciatus Curse on that evil witch, but he had been so overwhelmed with despair he hardly knew what he was doing. He need not be reminded of that awful night anymore than necessary, so he looked away purposefully.

Upon reaching the golden gates at the far end of the hall, Remus and Harry stated their business to the security desk. Their wands had already been registered from before, so they were free to pass through the small hall that led to the lifts.

Remus and Harry entered the first lift they found available. Remus pressed the button that was labeled Level 10: Courtrooms. Harry quickly took notice that the Department of Mysteries was on Level 9, one level below their current destination. When he had been here last year he had been running on a lot of adrenaline and had mainly navigated this place on autopilot. He was thankful that it was still located where he had remembered it. He hoped that he would just as easily find his way later on. He wouldn't have a lot of time to search for the place he had to go today when he slipped out of the hearing.

Harry felt the lift ascend to Level 10 quickly. They stepped out into the corridor, which was lined with rough stone walls and torches placed in intricately carved wrought iron brackets. Heavy wooden doors with iron bolts and keyholes lined the darkened hallway. Harry briefly wondered if the hearing would take place in the largest courtroom, number 10, at the end of the hallway like last time.

Seeing Professor Dumbledore, Arthur Weasley, and Madame Pomfrey waiting for them in front of the second courtroom, he sighed in relief. At least this time he wouldn't have to be paraded around again in front of a full court. It had been quite terrifying last time to be scrutinized by so many members of the Wizengamot.

Dumbledore and Pomfrey were quietly talking to Mr. Weasley as Remus and Harry approached them. Noticing that they had arrived the headmaster turned to his young student and smiled softly. "Ah… Harry, I am glad to see that you are faring much better than when I last saw you…"

Harry did not know what to say in response so he simply shrugged. Madame Pomfrey looked down at him, also smiling softly, and gave a small sigh.

"Hello, Harry," said Mr. Weasley. His presence here, although unexpected, was comforting to Harry. He looked up to the man like a father figure, and he had a lot of respect for him. Harry truly had no idea where he would be today if Ron's family hadn't taken him in last summer.

"Hi, Mr. Weasley. I didn't know you would be here," said Harry sounding somewhat confused.

"Too be honest, I didn't either. I had some work I had to do today in my office, and Molly mentioned that the custody hearing will be today. I decided at the last minute to stop by. I thought you might like some company during all of this," he offered.

"Thank you," said Harry. "I'd appreciate that, but you don't have to."

"I think I will stay just the same," Mr. Weasley replied. He smiled down at Harry and he couldn't help but smile back.

It had been agreed upon earlier that Harry would sit in the back of the courtroom where the spectators would normally sit. He hadn't wanted to be alone, but he also needed to be in order to slip out of the hearing unnoticed. Mr. Weasley now presented an unexpected twist in his plans. How was he going to leave without the others noticing?

Remus had peeked into the courtroom while Harry greeted the others. "It looks like they are ready for us. Harry, are you still sure about all of this?"

"Yes," he said confidently.

"Okay then, here we go," said Remus following the headmaster and the school nurse into the courtroom. Mr. Weasley and Harry went in as well, close behind the others.

Like the corridor just outside this room, the walls were made of a dark stone and dimly lit by torches. This courtroom was nearly half the size of the one he had originally been in. There were benches on either side of the main aisle way and a set of taller benches at the head of the room. Shadowy figures had already been seated in accordingly to their ranking positions within the Ministry. Harry quickly noticed that only 10 members of the Wizengamot were present for his hearing. Like before, they wore plum robes with a "W" embroidered in bright white on the left hand side of the chest. The only other difference from the last courtroom he was in was the lack of the odd chair that had been in the centre of the larger courtroom. There seemed to be no need to have a chair covered in chains and shackles in this smaller room.

Arthur Weasley directed Harry to a bench in the back of the room while the others made their way towards the benches nearest the Wizengamot members. Percy Weasley was seated at the farthest end of the room, poised, waiting to take down notes about the hearing. He winked at Harry as he caught his eye, and then returned his gaze to the piece of parchment in front of him.

Harry took as seat and placed the shoulder bag that he had been carrying on the floor beside him. Mr. Weasley eyed it carefully wondering why Harry had brought it with him. Seeing Mr. Weasley's inquisitive look, Harry simply stated, "I brought some homework in case I got bored. We have no idea had long it will take to make their decision." Mr. Weasley nodded in understanding.

Soon the hearing was underway. A representative of the Wizengamot, seated at the center of all the others rose and began to speak. "A panel of members from the Wizengamot has been assembled for a custody hearing for Harry James Potter. I will act as chairman over this proceeding. Would the person or persons representing Mr. Potter please step forward and state your case?"

Harry watched as Remus rose from his seat and stepped into the center of the room. "Chairman, my name is Remus Jonathon Lupin. I am an old friend of Harry Potter's deceased parents and godfather, and current Professor of the Defense Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts. I feel that I have gotten to know Harry quite well over recent years, and I feel that his current living situation is unacceptable. I have only his best interests at heart when I say that I wish to obtain permanent guardianship of him."

The Chairman looked down at him curiously and then began to rifle through some pieces of parchment littering the desk in front of him. Finding the document he was interested in, he replied "This court currently acknowledges that Harry James Potter has been placed into the custody of his only living relatives, the Muggles living in Little Whining, Surrey…. Vernon and Petunia Dursley… by Albus Dumbledore, Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot and current Headmaster of Hogwarts," said the Chairman. Harry shivered unconsciously at the sound of his relative's names. He _really_ didn't want to be here, so he grabbed the Potion's textbook he'd brought out of his bag and tried to block the hearing out by re-reading one of the chapters. Mr. Weasley rubbed his shoulder lovingly, seeing Harry's distress.

Dumbledore then rose from his seat to aid Remus in the hearing. "If I may be so bold as to interject here…. I did in fact place Harry Potter at his Aunt and Uncle's house as an infant when his parents were killed, but I did not realize at the time that by doing so I had placed the young man in danger."

"Headmaster… Mr. Potter was sent there for his own protection by you. What do you mean by placing him in danger? Do you make it a habit to do such a thing?" asked the Chairman in a patronizing tone.

"It has recently come to my attention that the Dursleys are unfit to care for Harry Potter any longer. He has received the proper medical attention needed by our school nurse Poppy Pomfrey and is currently undergoing emotional therapy under the care of Remus Lupin. I will not disclose the nature of Harry's stay while with the Dursleys, as it is confidential, but I will say that I will do everything in my power to see that he never has to go there again," said Professor Dumbledore.

As hard as Harry had tried, he couldn't block out what they were all saying. The Chairman was currently probing the three adults looking for answers as to why it was inappropriate for him to stay at the Dursleys' any longer. His heartbeat had increased significantly and he found that he had trouble breathing.

"Harry, are you alright?" asked Mr. Weasley in a concerned voice.

Harry squeezed his eyes tight and shook his head no. "Well, c'mon on then… let's go out in the hallway for a bit until this thing is over."

Harry nodded and gathered up his things. They slipped out quietly as Remus and Dumbledore began to argue with the chairman. Harry leaned against the cool wall and took some deep steadying breaths. Mr. Weasley was kind enough not to say anything as Harry tried to get a grip. He probably knew that Harry wouldn't talk to him even if he did try questioning him. After fifteen minutes or so, Harry had calmed down significantly.

Trying not to think about what was happening in the hearing; Harry began to pace the long corridor trying to figure out how he was going to get away from Mr. Weasley in order to carry out his plans. There was no place to sit, so pacing sounded like a rather good idea. Harry found that it was best to keep active during troubling situations. Poor Mr. Weasley was looking rather dizzy following Harry's progress back and forth. "I'm sure everything will be okay, Harry," Arthur tried to reason. Harry didn't seem to be able to answer or indicate that he had even heard him.

Suddenly the door to courtroom number 2 opened and Remus poked his head out into the hallway. "They've gone into a recess to discuss their decision," said Remus. "Are you alright?" he asked Harry who had suddenly stopped in the middle of the hallway and was staring at him wide eyed. Harry nodded, and then continued his pacing.

Remus was then called back into the courtroom by Dumbledore. Arthur and Harry were left alone again. The large red headed man sighed, seeing that Harry was looking rather irritated with his presence.

"I'm going to talk to the others and find out what is happening," said Mr. Weasley. "Do you want to come with me or stay out here in the hallway?'

"I think I'll stay out here for a bit," said Harry.

"Okay, I will be back soon. Holler if you need me," said Mr. Weasley, who had keenly sensed that the boy needed to be alone. He walked through the open courtroom doors looking for his colleagues. Little did he know that Harry wanted to be alone for different purposes entirely.

Harry couldn't believe his luck! He was finally alone! He knew now what he needed to do. He quickly grabbed his invisibility cloak that he had safely hidden in his bag and threw it over his head. Checking to see that he was completely covered, he ran down the hallway to the stairs and the far end of the corridor. He didn't want to risk taking the lift and someone becoming suspicious when it stopped at their floor without any passengers.

He descended the stairs to the floor below the courtrooms. Reaching Level 9 he realized that the entrance to the Department of Mysteries was just as he remembered it. He looked back and forth trying to gain his bearings. The walls were completely bare except for the torches that illuminated the hallway, and there were no windows or doors apart from the plain black door directly left of the small flight of stairs. The lift was directly opposite the black door at the other end of the hallway.

Taking a deep breath he turned left and walked toward the shiny black door, which opened automatically as he approached. It vaguely reminded of the electronic doors found in Muggle supermarkets that swung open when they detected movement.

He entered the large circular room that lay beyond the door and marveled once again at the feeling of being in a bottomless pit. Everything in here was black including the floor, ceiling, and the unmarked handleless doors that were set at intervals all around the perimeter of the room. Blue flames flickered from candles that were staggered between each door. Their eerie glow shined down upon the dark marble flooring making it appear as if there was dark water beneath his feet. Like before, the place appeared to be completely deserted. Harry vaguely wondered if anyone worked at the Ministry on weekends.

Harry stared at the dozen or so doors trying to decide which one would lead to the room that contained the veil that Sirius fell through. Like before, the circular room began to rotate as if trying to purposely confuse and disorientate Harry further. Trying desperately to remember the order of events that took place that fateful evening last spring Harry walked forward purposely. If he could just find that mysterious room that contained all those weird brains where Ron was attacked he could find his way to the room he needed.

The Department of Mysteries was a frighteningly odd place, and Harry felt a sense of anticipation and fear being back where he battled the Death Eaters not so long ago. Harry knew that the Order was now skeptical of the shady dealings at the Ministry of Magic, and he felt the need to be more guarded than usual. It was believed that Cornelius Fudge, the Minister himself, was no longer on the side of the Light so there could always be some unforeseen dangers when treading on "enemy" territory. Percy knew that lesson better now than anyone. Knowing that he always needed to be prepared for anything, he gripped his wand tightly in his right hand. He decided to keep his invisibility cloak on a little longer until he found what he needed.

He tried a few doors, finding them all locked as they wouldn't budge from their frames. Finally, he found a door that appeared to be unlocked. He lightly pushed open a door to find a narrow room lined with odd looking tanks of water. Each one contained a few grotesque looking brains. The grayish hued brains were had long tentacles and were swimming about listlessly as if they were some hybrid jellyfish. Harry grimaced as he remembered the awful scars that his best friend had received when he mistakenly tried to pick one up. The angry red welts that he received never did heal completely. Harry was amazed that the Ministry didn't keep this room better guarded. Then again, who would willingly stick their arms in a tank full of brains unless they were hit by some curse to cause confusion and outright silliness?

Stepping away from the "Brain Room", the door closed soundlessly. He knew that one of the doors in that last room led to the Veil room, but he wanted to avoid that awful place as much as possible. He tried the next door and was relieved to find the very room that he was looking for. It was just as he remembered it. Harry's breath quickened slightly as he began to descend the stone steps that led to the dais at the center of the room. Like the Atrium, there were no signs to indicate that a battle had ever taken place here.

Although rectangular in shape, the stone "benches" were set in a circular fashion facing the sunken pit at the center of the room, like some type of ancient amphitheater. It was oddly reminiscent of the courtroom he was just in, minus the raised benches where the Wizengamot sat. Harry absentmindedly thought about what the room might be used for.

Harry slowed his paced and was mesmerized by the sight in the center of the pit. On the raised stone dais stood the veil archway looking almost regal in its central position. Harry felt a lump in his throat as his eyes settled on the very placed where Sirius had fallen to his doom. Its spiraling columns looked so ancient that they appeared as if they would crumble at the slightest touch. They were completely unsupported by anything in the rest of the room and Harry imagined that they must be held up by some unseen magic, like the rooms at the Burrow were. The tattered black veil swayed in the archway slightly although there was no breeze in the room. Harry suddenly realized for the first time that even though the archway was placed at the center of the room, you could not see through to the other side. Behind the billowing fabric was only darkness. It truly was a portal to another realm… _Limbo_!

It wasn't until this very moment, staring at the utter blackness that lay in the Veil before him that he realized he had known all along that Sirius had been in Limbo with him. He always remembered feeling another presence in the darkness, one that he was not afraid of, but could never understand it entirely. While in its undefined depths, Sirius had silently willed him to go back and had effectively helped save his life.

Tearing off his invisibility cloak, Harry sat down on the stone steps still some distance away from the veil. Soon he felt hot tears course their way down his tired face. He was sad and angry as he thought about Sirius last moments here on earth. After all this time he still missed his godfather desperately. He then began to reflect on his odd connection that he had developed with him over recent months. There had to be a reason for everything that had happened. A million questions entered his mind as he thought about reliving Sirius's memories in his dreams, and the voice that had called out for help from beyond.

Why? Why did Sirius have to die? What was the veil used for anyway? Why did it even exist? Why would the Ministry have something so dangerous left unguarded? Why was the veil even here at all? It seemed so old that Harry began to speculate that it may have been here all along in some subterranean cave, and that the Ministry had been carved out of the rock surrounding it. But why? What hidden purpose did this mysterious object hold?

Knowing that he would not have much time here once the others realized that he was missing, he hastily wiped away his tears and set out to do what he had come here for. He descended the rest of the stone stairs that were left and took a few hesitant steps forward. From this distance he could hear the shadowy whispers coming from beyond the veil. The voices were indiscernible from each other and it was near impossible to hear what they were saying, but they were as alluring nonetheless. He felt oddly drawn to the veil like he did before. The whispery voices were like sirens calling out to lost ships, guiding them into the rocky precipices that would inevitably sign their fate. Harry shook his head slightly and forced himself to focus on the task at hand.

He was determined to not only talk to Sirius, but also find some type information that may help understand what had happened, and even possibly bring his beloved godfather back. He didn't care what Remus said. There had to be a way!

Although the room was dimly lit by torches it was hard to see much of anything. He walked around the dais slowly searching for anything that may help him. Upon closer examination Harry could make out some ancient runes on the arch above the veil. They were completely unfamiliar to him, but he could sense their importance. He quickly got out his journal and a Muggle pen from his shoulder bag and stashed his invisibility cloak inside.

He drew a rough sketch of the veil and archway and then copied the odd symbols as best as he could. Some were too faded with age to be of much use, but he copied them anyway. He planned on asking his bushy haired friend to aid him in deciphering their significance once he returned to Hogwarts. He also planned to make use of the school library's extensive research section to study anything that may pertain to the Veil. He was going to help Sirius if it was the last thing he did; even if it meant leading him to rest in peace if he could not bring him back to the land of the living. His godfather deserved that much after everything he had done for him.

Finishing the drawing he quickly assessed the rest of the arch and the dais. He walked all the way around the raised platform again, but found nothing of significance. He hid the journal and pen back into his bag and placed it on the floor beside the platform. He really didn't know what he was doing, but he felt the overwhelming need to be closer to the veil. He climbed up on the dais and kneeled before the large archway about two meters away. The whispery voices were beckoning him to draw nearer, but he forced himself to remain a safe distance away. He wouldn't be of any help to Sirius if he fell through too.

Harry didn't really know what to do now that he was here, so he said his godfather's name aloud hoping for a response through the Veil. "Sirius?"

Nothing happened so he tried again. "Sirius? Hello?"

Again he received no response from his godfather. He was very disappointed because he truly thought that his godfather would somehow sense he was here and greet him at the veil or something. Apparently his expectations had been too high. The whispers on the other side of the veil were getting a bit louder with excitement and Harry tried his best to ignore them.

He thought about the dreams he'd had about Sirius and when they had first started occurring. Although he fell through the Veil last June, he couldn't remember having a single "memory" dream about Sirius until after he received the pensieve from Dumbledore at the end of November. If he had made some sort of connection to him from being in Limbo why hadn't they started sooner? The more Harry thought about it the more he realized that he had been so overcome by the memories of his own experiences after he returned that there was probably no way for the dreams about Sirius to come through. He had simply been overloaded with his own grief until he received the pensieve. The connection must have been too weak to get through all of the other stuff going on in his head.

Maybe simply thinking about Sirius was the key. Harry remembered that when he first heard Sirius's voice calling to him, he had been thinking about the dream he had about his cousin Bellatrix and what he said to her before he fell through the veil. Maybe by thinking about him Harry could somehow establish a connection so that they could communicate.

Trying a new tactic, Harry closed his eyes in order to concentrate and tried to calm his racing heartbeat. He hoped that he could "tune" into Sirius somehow. He tried focusing on thoughts about Sirius, but he found that his mind was skipping from one idea to another in anticipation. He then tried one of the yoga breathing techniques Remus had taught him to calm himself. Maybe by focusing on his breathing instead of everything else his mind would be more open, and he could reach out to Sirius with his mind.

He took slow steady breaths, inhaling and exhaling through his nose, trying to clear his mind of all thoughts. Yoga breathing was a lot like his Occlumency lessons in that it calmed him and rid his head of all thoughts.

_Suddenly he was swept into a vision of the night in which he had first come here. Only this time he was seeing everything from Sirius's point of view. He soon realized that the vision began at the entrance of the Department of Mysteries. Sirius sprinted through the open door that led to the room containing the veil. Close behind him were Remus, Moody, Tonks and Kingsley._

_He bounded down the stone steps seeing "himself" near the base of the stone dais trying to assist Neville. They were crawling along the ground trying to get to safety. Lucius Malfoy turned, raising his wand, but Tonks quickly stunned him. The Order quickly became engaged in an all out battle with the Death Eaters, throwing spells and curses left and right. Completely distracted by the Order's appearance, the Death Eaters had all but forgotten about the two students at the centre of the room._

_Pieces of stone were flying across the room as powerful spells caused giant craters in the floor and walls. The room was filled with utter mayhem as the battle ensued. He was now only a few feet away from "Harry" fighting off one of the Death Eaters who had tried to surprise him._

_He soon became aware that "Harry" was currently being attacked by another Death Eater. The large man had one arm wrapped around his neck, effectively cutting off his supply of oxygen while reaching for the prophecy that was clutched in his outreached hand. He desperately wanted to go and help his godson, but it appeared that this Death Eater was going to kill him as soon as he turned his back. He was relieved to see Neville tackle the guy, allowing Harry to then stun him._

_His duel with the Death Eater before him increased significantly. So fierce was their battle that their wands were merely blurs of activity. He finally was able to subdue the mindless idiot on the far side of the room, when he saw Dolohov bearing down on Harry and Neville. He ran across the room at lightning speed and tackled Dolohov with his shoulder like a line backer from an American football team._

_Dolohov was on his feet again quickly, as any trained warrior would, and began firing spells at him. Sirius fired back, their wands flashing like swords as the dueled. Sparks_ _flew from the tips of their wands like a myriad of fireworks. Just as the Death Eater began to form the intricate wand movements needed to perform a debilitating curse "Harry" petrified him._

"_Nice one!" he shouted as he forced Harry's head down as a pair of Stunning Spells flew towards them. "Now I want you to get out of ¾_" _he began._

_They both ducked again as a jet of green light had narrowly missed Sirius. Across the room they saw Tonks fall from halfway up the stone steps, her limp form toppling from stone seat to stone seat. _

_His cousin Bellatrix had just injured one of his favorite members of the Order with a sadistic look on her face. He had to take her down and see that Tonks was alright. She was one of the few members of his strange family that actually accepted him openly over the years._

"_Harry, take the prophecy, grab Neville and run!" he yelled, dashing to meet Bellatrix. _

_Somehow or another, Sirius had known that the day would come in which he and his cousin, and once childhood friend, would ultimately duel. When he chose to side against the Dark Lord, she had disowned him much like the rest of his family. Their affection for one another had tarnished dramatically over the years and now only hate was left._

_He jumped on top of the stone dais facing his cousin defiantly. They began dodging and throwing curses at one another, much like they did as youngsters in one of their childhood games. As he ducked from one of the curses she had thrown at him, he saw Malfoy smash into the dais they were standing on._

_Sirius was about to leave his duel with Bellatrix, to help Harry who Malfoy had been attacking, but Remus thankfully came to the rescue. Harry and Neville appeared to be making their escape, just as Dumbledore arrived on the scene. The powerful wizard single handedly began to round up every last Death Eater as Sirius continued to fight his cousin. The stupid bitch didn't seem like she was going to give up for anything!_

_He knew that the only way to defeat her was to taunt her into near frustration. She was a very skilled dueler so he had to maneuver quickly. If he could only break her concentration he might be able to get past one of her shields and stun her._

_He ducked a jet of red light, laughing at her efforts boldly. "Come on, you can do better than that!" he yelled, his voice echoing around the cavernous room. That little phrase had always been a favorite of hers, and he could see the look of utter hate that blazed in her eyes as he said it._

_Suddenly, a second jet of light hit him squarely on the chest. The laughter had not quite died from his face, but his eyes widened in shock._

_Slowly, he felt himself fall backward, not really comprehending that Bellatrix had finally hit her mark. His body curved in a graceful arc as he sank backwards through the ragged veil hanging from the arch._

_He was more surprised than anything, but he quickly realized that he should be afraid. He had no idea what was happening to him, but he knew something wasn't right._

_He heard his cousin scream triumphantly, and then his godson yelling for him desperately, calling for him over and over again. An odd sensation overcame him as he continued to fall. He felt weightless as if his entire body as simply vaporized. He was suddenly surrounded by pitch darkness and could no longer hear the sounds of battle. He desperately tried to get back to Harry and the others, but he had no sense of movement where ever he was. In fact, he could no longer tell if he even had a body. He screamed for the others in despair, but he found that he had no voice at all. He cried out in agony and felt the weight of his soul as he was overcome by grief. But there was nothing he could do. He was lost!_

As Sirius fell through the veil in slow motion, Harry opened his eyes and yelled for his godfather as the memory dissipated. Although he could not see it, Harry was suddenly aware of something's presence on the either side of the veil. Immediately he felt a pull on his solar plexus; it felt like there was an energy coursing between him and the Veil. It was very uncomfortable, but not painful. He could vaguely feel what felt like an invisible web-like connection that had been made with him and the spirit in the unseen in the darkness. Closing his eyes tightly he saw spidery like stands of white light emanating from his chest. The feathery strands than began to encircle his head and shoulders, but he felt no fear. The being that he was connected to on the other side of the veil threshold began to take shape. Behind his closed eyes, Harry soon saw a ghostly form that was very familiar to him. Sirius….

"Sirius?" Harry called out with his mind.

"Harry?" a voice answered back as the ghostly spirit reached out to him. Its ghostly fingers were unable to reach across the divide. Harry could now clearly make out the features of the soul before him. _It really was Sirius!_

"I'm so sorry, Sirius, I didn't mean for you to fall through the veil…" he said desperately. Harry somehow sensed that his time with Sirius would draw shorter than expected, so he said the first thing that came to his guilt ridden mind.

"I know…" Sirius replied. His voice is soft and wispy like the wind.

"Are you okay?" he asked, unsure of what he should say with his precious little time. Sirius's eyes were filled with sadness and through their connection Harry could feel the weight of what Sirius had been experiencing while existing in Limbo.

"Harry you have to help me…I don't want to be here…" Sirius's voice pleaded. Harry wished that he could touch his godfather as well, but he was happy to have at least made a connection to him.

"I don't know how? What do I do?" Harry asked of him.

"Use the veil…" Sirius replied, his voice sounding fainter and fainter. The edges outlining his ghostly shape were beginning to fade. It appeared as if there connection was breaking.

"What? I don't understand! What do you mean?" Harry pleaded. If there was something he could do to unleash Sirius from his imprisonment in Limbo he would, but Sirius wasn't being very clear on what he had to do.

"Use the veil!" Sirius seemed to shout, but his voice was only an echo of his words from before. His shadowy figure faded into nothing, and Harry cried out at the loss. The spider strands of light connecting them in the darkness seemed to snap in half. _No!_

Suddenly, Harry was ripped from his trance-like conversation with Sirius as he felt a pair of hands on his shoulders. Someone had grabbed him roughly from behind and was now pulling him away from the veil and setting him down on one of the stone benches. Harry opened his eyes and found himself still in the room containing the veil. He was sweating profusely as his heart raced in his chest from the exertion. _What just happened!_

Slowly he looked up into the man who had shaken him from his stupor. Remus's eyes were filled with utter worry and were searching his own green eyes carefully to see that he was okay. He was kneeled before Harry searching him over making sure that nothing had happened to him.

Turning his head away in frustration, Harry saw that Dumbledore, Pomfrey, Mr. Weasley and Percy were standing around them, and were all looking rather anxious about the situation. _Why are they here? They ruined everything!_

"What were you doing?" Remus demanded as he shook Harry's shoulders fiercely. He was so tired and weary that he barely had the strength to look him in the eye.

"…" Harry decided to remain silent as he tried to process everything that had just happened. Had he really just talked to Sirius? Was he still in Limbo?

_How am I going to save him? Oh, gods…Everything happened so fast. I didn't even get a chance to tell him I love him!_ He became aware of the wetness on his cheeks and brought his hand up to his face. Had he been crying?

"Do you realize what would have happened if you fell through the veil?" said Remus, his voice seemingly laced with anger.

"…" Harry looked up at him apprehensively. _Of course he knew what would have happened if he fell through! He had only been thinking about Sirius's "death" since it happened._ Although Harry had heard the anger in Remus's voice before, the expression on his face told Harry that he wasn't angry at all. He was desperately afraid for his young ward.

"I don't know what I would do if I lost you too!" Remus suddenly said. Harry felt himself enveloped in Remus's large arms in a bone crushing hug. Although his embrace was warm and comforting, it did nothing to quell his thoughts about Sirius and his pleas for help.

_What am I going to do? How am I going to explain all of this?_

Remus pulled Harry back to get a good look at him. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," Harry finally managed weakly.

"What are you doing down here? Why did you leave the hearing?" Remus asked once again. The man was now demanding answers and it was clear that they wouldn't be going anywhere until he got some.

Harry looked up at him, tears still evident in his eyes. "Can I talk to you alone?"

Remus turned to look toward the others as if to communicate that they all should leave. They all looked at both of them searching and nodded in response. The two Weasleys and Madame Pomfrey all left wordlessly understanding Harry's need to be alone with Remus. Dumbledore, however, didn't seem to think that he needed to leave.

"Professor, may I ask if I could please speak to Harry?" asked the headmaster of his DADA teacher. Since the night Harry discovered the truth about the prophecy he had never fully learned to trust Dumbledore again. He looked at Remus beseechingly, hoping that he would understand that this was something he could only talk about with him.

"I understand, headmaster, why you may wish to speak to Harry, but given the current circumstances I feel that it is best if Harry and I are left alone. Maybe we could save this conversation for when we return to Hogwarts," said Remus understanding how important it was for him and Harry to be alone. It was only just last night that Harry learned the truth about the Veil and Sirius. That conversation alone had sent Harry into such a state that he almost cut himself again. He should have suspected that it was in Harry's nature to try something foolish like this.

Professor Dumbledore looked as if he wanted to say something more, but merely nodded and said "As you wish…" Harry watched as the aged frame of the headmaster appeared to float above the stone steps and out of the rectangular room. He briefly wondered what the headmaster wanted to say to him, but soon dismissed his curiosity so that he could focus on what he would say to Remus.

"Why did you come here?" asked Remus looking into Harry's eyes.

"I-I wanted to see the veil again. I just wanted to be in the last place where Sirius was alive…" he said softly as another tear cascaded down his pale face.

"Is that all?" Remus asked. "Did something happen?" he asked taking Harry's face in his hands.

Harry tried to shake his head no, but Remus's hands held his head firmly in place. He looked back at this friend's face and knew that he could not lie. He nodded his head slightly.

"So what happened?" asked Remus wiping the tears from Harry's face. "Why did you come here?"

"After I learned the truth about the Veil, I started thinking about Sirius calling out to me for help. I just wanted to see if I could somehow communicate with him…" Harry tried to explain.

"And did you?" Remus whispered almost hopefully.

"Yes…" Harry whispered back. He looked past Remus at the Veil and thought about his strange conversation with Sirius. When he looked back at the older man's face he was surprised to see he had shed a few tears. His chin was slightly trembling as well.

"Please tell me Harry…" he asked. The pain was evident in his voice. Harry debated even telling him anything. It was clear that Remus needed closure as much as he did, but he didn't want to give him false hope either.

"I tried one of the breathing techniques you showed me and I relived one of his memories…"

"Which one?"

"The last night he was alive… the night he fell through that veil…"

"Oh gods…" said Remus as he brought his hands up to his face.

"But Remus…"

The older man looked up at Harry, who was still seated before him.

"I talked to him too… that's what I was doing when you found me…"

"You spoke to him?" asked Remus in disbelief.

"Yeah… I could see him too when I closed my eyes… he seemed younger…"

"What did he say?"

"Not much…. He said that he didn't want to be there anymore and he wanted my help… He said 'Use the Veil'…" Harry voice was now cracking with emotion.

"That's it… that's all… " asked Remus.

"I'm sorry… we didn't have a lot of time…" Harry tried to explain.

Remus saw the sadness in his eyes and leaned forward and kissed Harry on the forehead near his scar.

"Harry… I want to ask you to do something… but I don't think you should…" Remus whispered into his raven locks.

"What?" asked Harry.

"Will you try again… to talk to Sirius…."

"Okay…" said Harry relieved that Remus had actually believed him.

"You don't have to… I know this is painful for you… but if there is a way…" Remus seemed so sad and lost, that Harry couldn't help but feel his pain.

"I know…" said Harry. He stood up and walked purposefully towards that dais, and climbed up. He took his position before the veil like he did before and closed his eyes. He could feel Remus sit down beside him waiting anxiously.

For several minutes Harry tried to re-establish the link he had created earlier, but to no avail. Sirius seemed farther away from his mind's reach and he was emotionally exhausted to say the least. He finally gave up when it seemed all he was doing was giving himself a headache. He cried out in frustration at his failure to contact his godfather once again.

"I'm sorry Remus… I tried… I just can't…." said Harry crying once again.

"Shhh….. I'm sorry… I shouldn't have asked you, but I just wanted to believe that there was a way to bring him back," said Remus who was hugging him tightly.

"I know… me too…" said Harry hugging him back.

"I miss him so much…" said Remus. Harry was somewhat shocked by his honesty. It was rare for him to confess his feelings to Harry unless it had something to do with him.

"Me too…"

"I know it hurts… but we can't hold on to something that will never happen…" Harry didn't say anything one way or another. Remus could believe that there wasn't any way to bring Sirius back, but that didn't mean Harry would stop trying.

"Harry, you have to promise me that you won't run off like that again, okay? I was really worried about you. I thought someone had taken you…" said Remus confessing his fears.

"I know… I'm sorry…" said Harry genuinely.

After a few minutes, they stood up carefully and gathered up Harry's things. They climbed the stone steps looking back at the Veil one last time. As they reached the lift at the end of the Department of Mysteries it finally dawned on Harry that the hearing must now be over.

"Remus…" asked Harry as the lift descended to the Atrium, where they were to make their way back out to the street.

"I forgot to ask earlier… I left so soon that I didn't hear the verdict… what did they say about the custody hearing…" asked Harry softly.

Remus smiled down at him for the first time that day. "We won!"

Harry hugged his new guardian and breathed in his comforting scent. He finally had a real family.

A/N: This was a hard chapter to write, not only because of what occurred in the veil room but also because of the amount of detail necessary to write a scene at the Ministry of Magic. It's not a common location in fandom and I wanted to be sure that I was as accurate as possible to the description used in Book 5. My beta did some research for me, so some of the descriptions are pretty close to those found in the canon. In fact, most of the dreams Harry has about Sirius were researched by Drae. Let's give her another round of applause for all her hard work. I did take some liberties with some of the scene descriptions so that they would work better with my story, so please don't point too many mistakes unless it affects the plot. Thanks!

**Many thanks to all my reviewers!**


	22. Behind My Back

A/N: Hey everyone! Sorry it took me longer to update. I have had this chapter planned for a while, but my muse got tied up with some other things. It wasn't writer's block; I just didn't have any time to write because of some other things I have been working on.

**Chapter 22- Behind My Back**

For Harry, speaking to Sirius through the Veil at the Department of Mysteries was a life changing event. Before, he had been a lifeless person going through the motions of living while hiding his pain inside, but now he was filled with a renewed sense of purpose. He had finally begun to discover some of the answers to the problems that he had been enduring these last few months. He now understood the strange dreams that had haunted him for so long and the voice of Sirius that had called out to him in desperation. Despite this new sense of purpose, he was also deeply afraid. He knew without a doubt what he needed to do, but it was the journey that he was about to embark that chilled him to the bone. There were still so many unanswered questions.

The rest of that weekend had been pretty tense to say the least. Harry and Remus both shifted back and forth between bouts of utter happiness and sheer sadness in alternating intervals. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason for their apparent mood swings and they happened almost without warning. Their cause for celebration had been winning the custody hearing, but the uncertainty of Harry's conversation with Sirius brought about sorrow as well.

After leaving the Department of Mysteries, Harry and Remus returned to the cabin silently, each taking a seat beside the fireplace in order to take in the warmth, hoping that it would quell the coldness they felt inside. Harry couldn't remember who started the conversation, but once they started talking, it was as if a flood gate had been opened. They talked endlessly through the night after that fateful event, and even into the next day. Neither one seemed to want to go to sleep later that night, so they curled up beneath blankets on opposing couches discussing a myriad of topics. Amazingly, they connected with each other on a level that neither one had ever expected to arrive at in the past. Somehow sharing the pain of losing their friend had once and for all bonded them together into this permanent relationship.

They were a funny pair that evening; sitting at odd angles on the couch munching on potato chips and candy rather than fixing a proper meal. Harry was thankful that Remus didn't bring up his past while living with the Dursleys. It would have ruined the whole evening. By focusing on everything else, Harry could almost pretend that he was a normal kid staying up late talking to their "parent." The abuse was a conversation that he would rather save for one of their sessions. It wasn't something he liked to openly talk about and Remus knew better than to press him on it.

They talked about a great number of things: Quidditch, Harry's parents, Hogwarts, Sirius, Remus's past, the war, stories about the Marauders, Peter Pettigrew, love, Sirius, Cedric Diggory, Diagon Alley, Padfoot, werewolves, Chinese food, Sirius, summers at the cabin, the war, Voldemort, Sirius…. Whenever there was a lull in the conversation, which happened frequently over the course of that long night as they continued to connect to one another, someone would bring up a memory they had about Sirius. Fortunately, it was always a pleasant one; neither one dared to dwell on how he died any longer than necessary. It was still too painful.

To be honest, it was the most Harry had ever talked to anyone in his entire life. Sure he and his friends talked a great deal, and Draco knew him inside out, but never had he talked about so many different things in one night with any one person. It felt very freeing. Harry would later be reluctant to admit just how many times he shed tears in those 24 or so hours, but the tears had unburdened his soul a great deal.

The one thing Harry was most thankful for that weekend, other than the fact that he now had a real home, was that it appeared as if Remus had finally begun to heal. Although finding Harry in front of the Veil had brought back many painful memories, it also forced Remus to rifle through his feelings about losing his best friend and to accept things for how they were. He seemed adamant that there was no way for Sirius to come back, but that he was grateful that Harry had had a chance to speak with him. It gave Remus a sense of closure somehow. Harry didn't feel it was right to say that he had his own suspicions about the Veil when it was clear Remus was just now dealing with everything.

The only negative experience that came out of that long weekend was when Remus finally discovered that Harry was now in possession of his wand. It had been taken from him when they arrived at the cabin to prevent Harry from transfiguring something to cut himself with. Harry reluctantly admitted that he had sneaked into Remus's room that morning after showering and found it in one of his dressers' drawers. Remus had been furious with him, but part of him understood deep down that Harry needed it to feel protected while he attempted to make contact with his late godfather. As punishment for his actions, Harry had to spend three detentions with Remus cleaning the DADA classroom once they returned to Hogwarts. Harry tried to look upset and disappointed when he received his punishment, but underneath he was secretly happy that Remus had been so lenient on him.

Harry had been looking forward to returning to Hogwarts for a long while now, but when it was time to leave that Monday morning, Harry felt his stomach twisted into sickening knots. He tried to eat a bit of breakfast, but his stomach had protested wildly. Remus eyed him carefully as he took his breakfast plate away to place in the sink, but couldn't really nag Harry about not eating. He was just as nervous for Harry about returning to school, and he could barely eat himself.

Harry walked over to Hedwig's perch and stroked the soft white feathers of the snowy owl. Knowing that it was time to send Hedwig on her way to Hogwarts, Harry opened the window letting in the frosty winter air. "Go to Hogwarts, girl," he said softly. "I will be there soon."

Hedwig nuzzled Harry's hand before flapping her wings and flying out the window. He watched as the bird of prey flew silently across the snowy landscape in a graceful display of aerial skill. Harry sighed and wondered when he himself would be able to get on his broom again and fly. It had been a long time since he and Hedwig had had an opportunity to fly together.

A short while later, Remus levitated their trunks over the fireplace and waited for Harry patiently. The raven haired teen took one last look around the cabin, and had to remind himself that this was home now. He would be returning here in just a few months to stay for the summer. For the first time in his life, he was excited about the summer holidays. He was really looking forward to having his friends over to "his house" and going for a swim in the lake. He had never been able to invite a friend over in his entire life and it made him feel like a normal teenager to have the opportunity.

"Are you sure you want to still do this? We can put it off another day or two if you want," Remus said again.

"Yeah, I need to go back," said Harry. As much as he had come to love his new home, he needed to get on with his life instead of wallowing in misery.

Knowing that he was just wasting time and that they both had to get to classes, Harry walked resolutely over to the fireplace and positioned his trunk next to him.

"Are you ready?" asked Remus, holding the pot of Floo powder out to him.

"Yeah," he said talking a handful. Taking a deep breath he threw the magical glittery powder down into the hearth and clearly said, "Hogwarts."

He experienced the dizzying sensation that he now associated with this odd mode of transportation, and then felt himself stumble out of the fireplace when he arrived at his destination. Not really having a good handle on his bearings, he wasn't surprised to find himself careening forward out of control. Thankfully, before he smacked the ground, a pair of strong arms caught him and held him close.

"Gotcha," said a strong, sexy voice in his ear.

Shaking his head to clear the fog, Harry looked up and caught the pale eyes of Draco. He smiled affectionately at him and returned the embrace. "I missed you, love," Draco whispered in Harry's ear. They held each other for a moment or so relishing the touch before they were rudely interrupted.

"Okay, okay, enough of that, you two," said Ron who was standing behind Hermione. "Welcome back, Harry and congratulations on your _official_ new home." The tall red head walked towards them and gave Harry his classic goofy grin.

Harry smiled back at the three of them, realizing that they had all been waiting here to greet him. He stood up and began to dust the soot off of himself when he felt a thin pair of arms wrap around his neck. He felt his body stiffen slightly until he realized that he had gotten a face full of curly brown hair. Hermione.

He returned the hug in earnest at first, and then tried to pull back as the arms seemed to be now cutting off his supply of oxygen. "I'm alright Hermione. You can let go now," Harry said softly in his friend's hair. She seemed to hug him even more tightly. "Hermione, seriously… you need to let go. I need to breathe!"

"Oh… sorry… I-I just missed you so much, that's all," she said, wiping away a stray tear. Seeing his girlfriend's distress, Ron placed a comforting arm around her shoulder. No one seemed to want to mention the reason he had been missing from Hogwarts in the first place.

"I missed you, too," said Harry scanning the faces of his three friends. Each one was determined to look as pleasant and cheerful as possible for him, but the eyes cannot lie. Harry saw behind each pair of eyes that sadness in his friends' hearts. They were all deeply worried for him, and Harry knew all to well that he had been the cause of their misery. It was then that he noticed Dumbledore standing in the far corner of his office.

"We're glad to have you back, Mr. Potter," said the headmaster striding towards him carefully. "Are you ready for classes?"

He nodded confidently but didn't say anything else. He heard a few of the paintings rudely whispering to one another about his return. He turned his head and looked around the headmaster's office; suddenly realizing that the last time he had been here was after Sirius's death. He had been so angry then that he had literally destroyed the place by throwing things against the walls. From the look in Dumbledore's eyes it appeared as if he had remembered that episode as well. Like the Ministry of Magic, you couldn't tell that a small "battle" had ever taken place here. Everything had been magically fixed and was in its proper place. If only "real" problems could be fixed so easily with magic, Harry would be a lot happier. The silence had only lasted a moment or so, but the tension in the room was so thick that it had felt like several minutes. The others looked at one another, confused by the odd look in Harry and Dumbledore's eyes. It was clear that they were sharing some memory that the rest of them didn't know about. Remus fortunately came through the Floo a moment later and saved them all from the embarrassing tension.

"Welcome back, Professor Lupin," said Dumbledore placing his hand on the man's shoulder. "If you wouldn't mind, I would like to speak to you before you leave for your classes today."

"Yes, of course," said Remus. "Will you be alright, Harry?"

It was clear that they wanted to talk about him and that it was time for him and his friends to leave. Harry nodded and took a deep cleansing breath. His stomach still felt like it was in knots, but he just wanted this first day back over with.

"I will talk to you later," said Remus rubbing Harry's back affectionately. "Go on…you need to get going…." Remus's encouragement made Harry feel a lot better.

The others seemed to notice the closeness between Remus and Harry as they looked slightly surprised. They had always been cordial to one another, but Harry had had a hard time opening up to him in the past. Now it seemed that Remus was almost "fatherly" to Harry, and they were greatly relieved that they had finally bonded on some deeper level.

"We best be off to classes. Are you ready mate?" asked Ron, looking at him with some concern.

"I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be," he said. Harry eyed his trunk carefully wondering if he should risk going to the dorm to put away his things first. He really didn't want to be confronted alone by one of his dorm mates right now.

"Don't worry about that, Harry," said the headmaster. "The house elves will put away your things."

"Alright, I guess I can't put this off any longer," he said.

"It'll be fine, Harry. Besides you will have us with you at all times," said Draco reassuringly. He grabbed Harry's hand and gave it a quick squeeze.

"Okay," he said, grabbing his school bag from his trunk.

The foursome headed out the door and down the stone staircase, leaving the two professors behind. Draco stuck close to Harry's side as they followed Ron and Hermione. Harry found himself even more nervous than he had originally anticipated. What if they made awful remarks to him? What if they asked him where he had been? What if someone asked him if he'd tried to commit suicide? He took another calming breath and set his usual mask in place. Maybe if he acted like everything was normal, he would just be left alone.

Fortunately, most of the students were still in the Great Hall eating breakfast so the corridors were mainly deserted. He walked the massive stone hallways with his friends and took in his surroundings in wonder. For some reason, Harry had thought that something might have changed while he was gone. Weren't near death experiences supposed to change your perspective on things? He wasn't really sure what he was expecting, but he thought for sure something would be different. Maybe a painting would have been moved, or the staircases would remain fixed now for some reason. Or maybe Hogwarts would somehow smell different.

Closing his eyes quickly, so that Draco and the others wouldn't see, he sniffed the air around him. He felt satisfied when his nostrils were filled with the damp, dusty smell he had come to associate with the age old castle. He was finally back in one of the few places he still felt secure. Sure, he felt safe when he stayed with the Weasley's at the Burrow, but Hogwarts always held a special place in his heart. At one time he had even called it "home" for lack of a better word. But now, Harry truly knew what _home_ felt like. Remus had given that much to him.

Home was where you could hang Quidditch posters all over the walls in your very own bedroom. Home was where you could sit around all day and watch T.V. just because you can. Home was where you could scream and rant and rave when life became too much to bear. Home was where you could hide, even from your friends, when you were too ashamed to admit the truth. Home was where you could cry yourself to sleep in the arms of one of the few people who promised to always be there for you. Home was where you felt safe from the dangers in the world because you knew in your heart you were not alone. Most importantly, however, home was where you felt unconditional love and acceptance.

Although the definition of home had changed for Harry, his love of the old castle that he had become so accustomed to had never wavered. Somehow, living within these stone walls made him feel closer to his parents. He felt closer to his parents here knowing that Lily Evans and James Potter had once traversed these very hallways and even stayed in the same house as him.

He quietly followed his friends to class, taking in everything around him. He was overwhelmingly relieved that everything seemed to be just as he had left it, like he had never left. Harry found a lot of comfort in that. Almost as if he could forget his awful experience had ever happened.

Harry was thankful that he had had the presence of mind to learn concealment charms back in second year, when the abuse at the Dursleys had taken a turn for the worse. It would be near impossible to hide all of his scars from his dorm mates without the magical incantations, and he certainly didn't feel like explaining why his arms look like a weed whacker attacked him. Harry had never told anyone else before, but he was quite sure that he could use wandless magic to cast his magical mask. There had been several times in the past when Harry had been wishing quite hard that he was able to conceal the truth from others.

Fortunately, Harry had at least one of his friends in each of his classes. They dutifully walked beside him guarding their friend from the stares and whispers from their fellow students as they walked from class to class in a hurried manner. Harry was really surprised by everyone's behavior. He truly thought that his day was going to be miserable. He knew that rumors about his disappearance had been flying around the school since he was taken to the cabin. In fact, he was astonished that the rest of the school wasn't questioning him the way he thought they might.

His first class that day was Potions, which he was sure was going to be quite awful. There were several Slytherins still in the class who would stop at nothing to torment Harry endlessly. After the initial shock at seeing the Boy-Who-Lived returning to classes, some of the students had begun to whisper and snicker at him behind his back. He couldn't really make out what they were saying, but he was sure it was about him. When Snape realized what was going on, he lashed out at them quickly, reprimanding them for their inappropriate behavior. The rest of class went much more smoothly; despite the difficult potion they had been assigned. In fact, no one even said a word to him in the dungeon hallway afterwards.

Even Neville, who was in Transfiguration with him later that day, seemed to understand that Harry wouldn't be in the mood to talk about what happened. He simply smiled at his friend sadly and said, "It's good to have you back," and left it at that.

Harry was eternally grateful that everyone had the presence of mind to leave him alone. He suspected that most of their behaviors could be attributed to Hermione and Ron threatening to hex them into oblivion if they so much as looked at him the wrong way. It could be said that Ron and Hermione could be quite powerful in magic in their own right, despite any appearances to the contrary, and Harry was sure that the pair was a force to be reckoned with when they were determined.

He could feel Draco's eyes watching him all day, silently wishing that he would be alright. Harry knew how desperate Draco was to piece together the shreds of their relationship. They had already begun to reconnect when Draco came to the cabin, but they had so much farther to go if they ever wanted to be together the way they both desired.

It wasn't until dinner that evening that the whispers and pointing reached its critical peak. He had walked in with his friends and noticed the sudden hushed silence that he was presented with. It was as if the entire student body was waiting for him to do something. By now everyone knew that he had returned and they were all as curious as ever to learn about the circumstances of his disappearance.

Harry ignored the stares and walked towards his house table, closely followed by Hermione and Ron. Draco shot him a look of understanding and took his seat at the Slytherin table. As much as Harry wanted Draco to sit with them again, he knew that it would raise too many questions.

He took a seat facing the wall so he didn't have to look at anyone and began to fill his plate. He wasn't really hungry, but he knew he had to go through the motions of eating a meal in order to please Hermione. He picked at his food listlessly and glanced up at the head table. He caught Remus's eye and the professor smiled at him reassuringly. Part of Harry wished that they were back at the Villa de Luna, just the two of them. Everything had seemed so much easier then.

He sat quietly listening to the idle chatter between his friends, who were trying their best to make the situation feel normal. His ears then began to pick up on some of the conversations at the various tables around the Great Hall. It seemed like the excitement of his return escalated the conversations so much so that the students got louder and louder after each passing minute, trying to talk over one another about their own suspicions. After a day of relative quiet from his peers, Harry was not prepared to handle the rude comments flying around each table.

From the other side of the room he heard a rather loud debate about why he had slit his wrists:

"_He probably tried to commit suicide because he couldn't handle the fame. Everyone is always going on about the Boy-Who-Lived!"_

"_No, I think it was because he is too scared to face He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named…"_

"_Well, wouldn't you?"_

"_Of course, but its not my job to defeat You-Know-Who, now is it?"_

Harry's heart sunk that his suspicions about what people thought of him were true. They did all expect him to defeat the Dark Lord for them. It was written in the prophecy as well, but to hear it from someone else's mouth made that situation even more of a reality. He tried to tune them, but in the process he began to hear another conversation:

"_Well, I heard that Potter and Malfoy are a couple."_

"_What? That's impossible. Where did you here that?"_

"_A first year Ravenclaw had to go to the infirmary for a tooth ache after it happened and she saw Malfoy holding his hand when he was in the infirmary…"_

"_Really?_ _But they're both boys…"_

"_Well, DUH!"_

"_Wow… that's gross. I didn't know that they were gay…"_

By now Harry had broken out in a cold sweat and his heart was pounding wildly. They knew about him and Draco! The one thing he had tried to keep secret… the one thing he tried to keep special… was now tainted. Harry felt like he was going to be sick. He wanted to get up and leave, but he knew the instant he moved every eye would be on him, watching his every move. He desperately wished he could just disappear. Where was his invisibility cloak when he needed it? It was probably stowed safely away in his trunk in the dormitory. Why was everyone always so concerned about what he said and did? Couldn't they just leave him be? Just when he got up enough courage to leave, he heard another disturbing comment.

"_Where do you think he was all this time?"_

"_Didn't you know? He was in St. Mungo's in the mental ward! That's were all suicide cases go…"_

This was getting really ridiculous. Although, some of their comments were true, they were now fabricating their own rumors to suit their view of the situation. The noise level in the dining hall grew steadily until it was almost deafening. Even at his own table, the Gryffindors were talking about him.

"_He just wants more attention… that's why he did it…"_

Ron, Hermione, Ginny and Neville were glaring furiously at everyone around them, but no one seemed to get he hint. "Shut up you bastards!" Ron spat angrily down to the either side of the long table. "Or I will make you wish you never said that."

The second years that had been talking about him looked away quickly and quieted down at Ron's sharp reprimand. His friends looked at him worriedly, but they were at a loss as to what to say. There was no way to really make he situation any better. By now it was just too much for Harry to take. He had secretly hoped that no one would know the truth and yet everyone's gossip was hitting closer to home that Harry liked.

"I can't take this right now…" said Harry. He had to get away, even if it meant everyone would see him leave.

He got up from the table and noticed Remus looking at him with concern. When Hermione and Ron rose to follow him, Harry said, "Listen, I need to be alone right now…"

He felt every pair of eyes on him as he strode quickly for the door to the Great Hall. All he wanted to do was get out of there as soon as possible. The large crowd had made him feel claustrophobic and he found himself having trouble breathing. It was strange how being locked in a cupboard and sitting in a large crowded room full people could bring about the same emotions. Their piercing stares bore into his back and made him feel as if his skin was crawling. He felt so vulnerable and alone, like every single secret he had was clearly written across his very skin for everyone to view and judge. He softly prayed that no one had figured out what happened last summer at the Dursleys. He couldn't bear it.

Once he reached the main entrance hall, Harry stopped to take a few deep breaths, but nothing seemed to calm him down. He felt his breath catch like he was going to hyperventilate. The relaxation method Remus had taught him was failing him right now and he couldn't seem to slow his heart beat. He hoped that he wasn't having another panic attack. This was all a little too reminiscent of his last attack, right before he had cut his arms to shreds. He leaned against the cold stone wall and felt it cool his hot skin.

He closed his eyes briefly, but opened them quickly when he heard footsteps approaching him. Looking up he noticed that Hermione and Ron had decided to follow him despite his warning, and that Draco was right behind him. He turned away angrily and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Harry? Are you alright?" asked Hermione, placing a hand on his shoulder. He wished he could control the shaking in his body right now, but he was too upset to do much of anything right now.

"Listen, this is not easy for me. I am sorry if I sound like an arse right now, but I just want to be left alone… Please…"

"Alright, Harry… we are only worried about you…Please remember that we will always be there if you need us…" Ron said from behind him.

"I will talk to you guys later…I promise…Okay?" he asked quietly, hoping that they would go away and leave him be.

"Alright…" said Hermione, her voice sounding tearful.

Without turning around Harry walked toward the main entrance and yanked open the large wooden door. He stepped outside into the bitter cold air and began to descend a few of the steps. Not having a proper outdoor cloak to keep him warm, Harry found himself shivering rather quickly. He knew that some of the shaking in his muscles could be attributed to the emotion coursing through his veins right now. He sat down on the stone steps and wrapped his arms around his knees to keep warm. A part of him felt the need to cry, but he wouldn't let himself. He had already shed enough tears this weekend and he really didn't think he had any tears left. He was so caught up in his thoughts that he barely noticed when a tall figure sat down beside him.

"I know you said you wanted to be alone… but I don't right now…" said Draco. "I need to talk to you…"

Harry looked at him sadly and realized again that Draco was suffering too. "They know about us…" Harry said quietly. His voice sounded cold and harsh, but he didn't mean it to sound like he was accusing Draco or anything.

"I know… that was my fault. I'm sorry, Harry… I was just so worried about you when you were in the infirmary that I didn't even think about what someone might think if they saw me holding your hand. Are you mad?"

"Not really… just confused. I hate everyone knowing my business. Why can't they leave me be…"

"I don't know… human nature, I guess. People have an innate need to make sense of what they don't understand."

Harry nodded at those words. There was a lot of truth in what Draco said. In fact that simple statement summed up the reasons for organized religion, mythology, and scientific research.

Draco scooted closer to Harry for warmth. "Are you okay?" he asked gently.

Harry leaned against him and placed his head on his shoulder. "Yeah… this is all so hard. It was easier when it was just Remus and me."

"I can imagine… how are you two doing together… getting along?"

"Things were rocky between us at first … mostly because of me… but then something amazing happened to us this weekend that brought us a lot closer together."

"Really? Was it the custody hearing?"

"Well, no, not really… Actually if you don't mind, it would be a whole lot easier on me if I could tell you and Ron and Hermione all at the same time..."

"It sounds like you have something pretty important to tell us… I can't even imagine what you have to say," said Draco, wrapping his arms around Harry in an effort to keep warm.

It felt nice being so close to Draco again. Harry could almost forget everything that happened. They sat quietly with one another, shivering in the cold when Harry finally looked at his watch.

"Dammit, I'm already late…" Harry stood up quickly and began walking back up the stairs toward the castle.

"Late for what?" asked Draco gently grabbing Harry's arm. "I kind of wanted to spend some time with you now that you are back. I missed you."

Harry smiled at the puppy dog look Draco was giving him. He found that standing on the step above Draco's made him be at perfect eye level with his boyfriend. He leaned forward and kissed Draco sweetly on his lips. "How about you meet me in the Room of Requirement in a couple of hours? I shouldn't be long. In fact, why don't you have Ron and Hermione meet us there so that I can talk to you all at once."

"Well, I kind of wanted some alone time…" Draco whined. Harry laughed at him. He had never heard Draco whine before, and it wasn't very becoming of him.

"I know… but I think I would feel better if I told you all what has happened. I don't want to keep secrets from you guys anymore. I learned the hard way how important it is to tell people what I'm feeling…"

"Alright, but where are you going now?" asked Draco.

"To meet Remus… I… well, we…. I have to still go to sessions with him while I am back at school," Harry mumbled, looking somewhat embarrassed that he had to see a therapist about his troubles.

"Every night, still?" asked Draco curiously. Harry looked at him skeptically and knew that Draco was trying to work how much time he would be able to spend with Harry each week.

"No… only like three times a week. Apparently I have made some improvement.

We're going to schedule them so they don't interfere with Quidditch practice," he replied.

"Well I'm glad that you have Remus to talk to you now, Harry…"

"Me too…" he said as he left Draco standing on the stone steps.

While Harry entered the castle, the fair headed teen looked up at the shimmering stars above him. It was a beautiful night despite the freezing temperatures, and he felt more alive than he had in a long time. Some could say the chilled air was invigorating, but deep down Draco knew it was because he had his soul mate back. He would never forget how close he had come to losing him. It was almost more than he could bear. He thanked the stars for giving Harry back to him and headed back into Hogwarts in search for Ron and Hermione.

A few minutes after leaving Draco, Harry knocked on Remus's door and entered the man's private quarters when he heard a reply.

"I wasn't sure if you would show up tonight or not," Remus said as he walked toward his new ward. The expression on his face told Harry that he knew about the rumors passing around the school about him.

"I made a commitment to you… and I'm not going to break it… I want to get better…" he said softly.

"That's good, Harry," said Remus, placing his hands on the teens shoulders. "Are you alright?"

Harry shook his head no. "Come on then… have a seat. I already have some tea ready."

Harry took the steaming cup of herbal tea from him gratefully. Remus usually put a mild calming potion in his tea, and Harry really felt like he needed it tonight. Like usual, a small fire had been lit in the fireplace. Remus had not lit any other candles so his rooms were only illuminated by the light of the fire, giving everything a soft yellow glow. Harry was reminded of their sessions spent beside the fire in the cabin and felt comforted.

"Tell me what you are feeling…" Remus encouraged him. His eyes still looked tired from their long weekend, and Harry suspected that the man had not slept at all.

"Angry… sad… violated… embarrassed mostly…" Harry said as he blew into his mug to cool the tea. He took a tentative sip and found the liquid to be at the perfect temperature. He drank another mouthful of the flavorful substance and felt warmth radiate into his extremities. He sat back and savored the wonderful feeling that came over him for a moment. He did in fact feel a lot calmer than he did a few minutes ago.

"Why is that?" asked Remus, sipping his own mug of tea. Harry noticed the absence of his quill and parchment, and wondered why he wasn't taking any notes. He hoped that this session would turn into a casual conversation, rather a series of difficult questions to answer. He understood the need for Remus to act in a professional manner, because it helped him think about Harry's problems, but it could be quite annoying.

"The whole school knows what happened to me, and they know about Draco," Harry admitted finally.

"Do you think they really know, or that they only think they know?"

Harry pondered that mouthful of a question, and replied, "Does it really matter?"

"I guess not… Is there anything else on your mind?" he probed again.

Harry nodded, but didn't say anything else. He took another sip of his tea and sighed deeply.

"Are you thinking about what happened at the Veil this weekend?" asked Remus sadly.

"Yes… actually, I'm thinking about telling my friends what happened."

"Really? That's a pretty big step for you to open up to them like that. You _have_ been keeping a lot of secrets from them these last few months."

"I know, but it's too hard keeping secrets… I think it might be just easier to tell them what is going on. At least they won't worry so much…"

"Are you telling them because you want to, or because you feel pressured to?"

"I want to," said Harry after a few minutes. "Actually, I want to tell them tonight." What Remus didn't know was that Harry wanted to ask his friends for help in researching the Veil and possible ways that he might be able to help his late godfather. Harry knew that he wouldn't be able to carry out this task alone.

"Do you want to get going then?" asked Remus with a knowing smirk on his face.

"If you don't mind…" he asked purposely putting on a pitiful face. Harry felt like a little kid asking permission to go out and play.

"Of course… just let me know your schedule as soon as possible so we can figure out our next session… we need to also think about when to schedule your detentions."

"Sure," said Harry, rising from his seat.

"Harry… we need to start exploring some of the other… _stuff_… too" said Remus hesitantly. Harry knew what he was alluding to and nodded in understanding. They had mostly discussed Sirius and his experiences with Voldemort in their sessions. They also touched upon what happened after New Years with Ron and Draco. They hadn't really talked about the Dursleys all that much yet. Remus only knew bits and pieces so far and Harry had been really reluctant to admit too much else yet. As much as he wanted to forget the past he was beginning to understand how much all that stuff really affected what he said and did on a daily basis. If he had any hope of a future with Draco, he was going to have to face his demons once and for all. He turned to walk out of Remus's private quarters when he heard his voice again.

"Harry?" Remus called after him. "There's an old saying that says '_This too shall pass'… _Everything is going to be alright, you know? The gossip will eventually die down after a few days. If anyone says or does anything to you, just let me or one of the other professors know."

"I know, thank you…" said Harry gratefully. Remus smiled down at him.

"I love you, kiddo, don't you forget that!" Remus gave him a one armed hug and pulled him close to his side, while he ruffled his hair.

Harry chuckled and left quietly. He was thankful that Remus allowed them to end their session early. He wanted to think about what he wanted to say to the others. He found himself walking aimlessly around the castle, with his hands in his pockets and his feet shuffling across the floor in his trainers. Thankfully the hallways were relatively quiet at this time of night. Most students were either hanging out in their common rooms or studying in the library.

Part of him debated whether or not to say anything at all, but he knew that he owed that much to them. Hermione's support had never wavered and both Ron and Draco had saved his life this year. How could he even think about hiding things from them after everything they did for him? He hoped that he wasn't leading his friends into danger like he did with Sirius.

Turning a corner he came upon a group of second year Gryffindors outside one of the older classrooms. They seemed to be talking quietly about something, and he didn't really feel like passing them, even though they were standing in the corridor that led to the room he was trying to get to. Curious, Harry leaned up against the wall behind a statue to eavesdrop on their conversation. He felt his stomach drop when he realized they were talking about him.

"You'll never guess what I just heard…" said a small girl with a long pony tail.

"What?" asked the two boys with her.

"I heard that Harry Potter slit his wrists because Malfoy was going to break up with him. A couple of Hufflepuffs that I know heard them arguing a few weeks back…"

"Are you serious? What a lame reason to try and commit suicide! I would never slit my wrists just because someone was going to break up with me. How pathetic!" said the taller boy.

Harry felt his chest rising and falling in anger. This was like the straw the broke the camel's back. He just couldn't take it any longer. Why couldn't everyone mind their own business? He grabbed his wand from inside of his robes and boldly stepped into the hallway in plain sight.

"I can't believe you three! Do you honestly believe all that _shit_ everyone is saying about me?" He screamed at them, spittle flying from his mouth. He took a few purposeful steps towards them, trying to look menacing.

The three second years took a few steps back in fright. "H-harry… we're sorry… we didn't know you were there…" the brown haired girl tried to explain.

"Sorry? SORRY? Would you be so sorry if I hadn't caught you spreading rumors about me? You are supposed to be Gryffindors, not Slytherins! How dare you defame a member of your own house!"

"I-I… w-we…" the taller boy began.

"What? Spit it out!" Harry yelled; his body seemed to be shaking by now.

"W-we just wanted to know what happened to you. We were concerned?" one of the second years tried to explain. There eyes widened as they saw the three figures quickly approaching from behind Harry. He was yet to see their presence.

"Bull shit! You just wanted to hear a good piece of gossip. Well here is one for you! Maybe I tried to kill myself because I'm tired of Voldemort coming after me! Maybe I just wanted to save him the trouble!"

"Harry…" he heard someone say from behind him. "Let them go…" He turned his head to see Hermione, Ron, and Draco. Scowling in anger, he pushed past the younger Gryffindors and stalked down the hallway.

Harry heard Ron yelling at the second years and issuing them detentions as he searched for the door to the secret room. Hermione and Draco caught up to him, but seemed to be waiting until they were inside to say anything. Harry walked back and forth, concentrating hard on a place where he could be away from everything. Suddenly a door appeared, where it wasn't before, and Harry quickly grasped the handle and stepped inside.

He almost smiled in relief when he realized what he had wished for. The magical room had rearranged itself so that it looked very similar to the interior of the cabin Ville de Luna, his home. He walked towards one of the couches and sat down, putting his feet up on the coffee table. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, concentrating on each inhalation and exhalation. He felt the others settle in around him, waiting for the others to make the first move. Finally, a small voice broke the tension.

"What you said wasn't true, was it?" asked Hermione tentatively.

"What are you talking about?" asked Harry as he tiredly opened his eyes.

"That you tried to kill yourself to save Voldemort the trouble…"

"Of course not. Didn't Ron explain it all to you?" Harry asked in a frustrated tone.

"Yes, but I need to be sure," she replied.

"I took care of them for you, Harry. I don't think they will repeat anything you said," Ron offered, as he joined the others.

"Thanks, I guess," said Harry.

They sat there quietly for a few minutes, Harry sitting beside Draco while Ron and Hermione sat across from them holding hands. Draco had been anxious all night to hear what Harry had to say and couldn't take it any longer.

"What did you want to talk to us about? Did something happen this weekend?" the blond asked.

"Yes… something amazing and terrifying, but I am not sure how to explain it. I have been giving this a lot of thought, and I have decided that I need to know more about something before I tell you all everything," he said cryptically.

The others looked at one another in a confused manner. Harry knew that were frustrated so he tried to explain again, "Listen, I promise I will tell you all everything, it's just that I don't understand everything myself yet. Actually, that is where you come in, Hermione. There is something I need you to do for me."

"Me? What can I do?" she asked in an excited tone. It was apparent that all three of them were thrilled that Harry was even talking to them about this and that he was asking for help.

"Well… you've studied Ancient Runes here at Hogwarts, right?" Harry asked.

"To some extent, why?" she asked.

"Well, I have something here that I want you to translate for me."

Harry reached into the pocket of his jeans and took out the folded piece of lined paper that he had ripped out of his notebook earlier this morning. He had made sure to copy to the runes he saw on the arch above the veil onto a separate piece of paper. He opened the paper up and smoothed out the edges before he handed it to her. Ron and Draco leaned in to get a closer look, but seemed to be confused by the odd markings that the paper contained. Hermione studied the paper carefully with her head cocked thoughtfully to one side. She then slowly traced some of the runes with her fingers trying to decipher their meaning.

"I have never seen anything like this? Where did you get it?" she asked excitedly.

"I would rather not say right now, but those runes might be really important. I promise I will tell you everything if you are able to translate it, but I need you to give me unbiased interpretation of what all those symbols mean. What do you think? Will you do it?" he asked.

Hermione sighed thoughtfully and tried to look like it was a great bother to ask something like this of her. Harry knew her better than that though. He knew that this little act of hers was just a way to get Harry to reveal more information. He waited patiently and watched his bushy haired friend ponder the runes further. He could almost see the gears turning in her head as she studied the symbols. He knew that she would do it. Hermione was a bookworm at heart and loved an intellectual challenge.

After a long pause she said, "Okay, I'll do it, but it might take me some time with classes and all."

"No problem. Just let me know when you are finished," said Harry smiling at his friend.

"Alright, Harry. I must say you certainly have got me intrigued…" She stood up, gently rubbed Harry's arm, and then began to cross the room towards the door.

"Where are you going?" asked Ron, watching his girlfriend with a confused expression on his freckled face.

"To the library, of course! I can't wait to solve these runes," she replied in a matter-of-fact tone.

"I better go follow her or she will forget to go to bed. Good night," said Ron as he resentfully trudged after Hermione.

Draco turned towards Harry and looked thankful that they were alone again.

"You are certainly a man of many mysteries Mr. Potter," the blond said.

"Hey, I told you before… life with me will never boring."

"You're right about that one," said Draco laughing. He grabbed Harry around the middle and positioned them so that they were cuddling on the couch side by side.

"I missed you," Draco whispered in his ear.

"You said that already, silly," replied Harry, kissing Draco on the forehead.

"I know, but sometimes I don't think you believe me."

"I'm starting to," said Harry.

They both closed their eyes and sighed, thankful to have this quiet moment together. They both always felt more whole in each others arms.

A/N: I know there wasn't much in here with Harry and Draco, but I saved some scenes in the next few chapters for them. What did you all think of this chapter? I tried to make the transition between the cabin and Hogwarts as fluid as possible. When I originally set out to write this chapter it felt really disjointed. I was tempted to dwell on that long conversation Harry and Remus had after the Department of Mysteries, but I sensed that my readers wanted to move this story along. I am thinking about doing a one-shot side story in the future, when this beast is done, highlighting that conversation. What do you think?

**Many thanks to all my reviewers.** **I love each and every review!**


	23. One True Thing

**Chapter 23- One True Thing**

Harry was already so sick of almost every person in this bloody castle after only a week of being back, that he could hardly contain himself. A small part of him desperately wished that he could just return to the cabin with Remus and forget about his life here completely. But he knew he couldn't, so that was why he was walking down this stone corridor with nothing but anger in his heart.

He stalked stealthily towards the one location where he was capable of finding solace in this wretched place. He was greatly relieved that his sanctuary had reassembled itself once again so that it was similar to Ville de Luna in decor. Harry had been extremely grateful that he had yet to see the room that he usually found himself in; the one that was equipped with a four-poster bed that he and Draco would often snuggle in. The very sight of that bed now made him shudder with fear, reliving the awful things Draco had said and done on the birth of the New Year. The new cabin-style room had made him feel much more comfortable, and he didn't find himself dwelling on that unfortunate event all that often anymore.

Finding the Room of Requirement unoccupied, he threw his shoulder bag to the ground and quickly searched for his journal and a pen inside of it. He flipped through the pages until he found one that didn't contain his messy scrawl. Not really caring about being comfortable at this point, Harry sat down on his knees before the coffee table and began scribbling furiously on the blank page of his notebook before him.

_DEAR JOURNAL… THEY ARE ALL SO FUCKING STUPID! THE WHOLE LOT_ _OF THEM! THEY THINK THEY KNOW ME BUT THEY DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! DON'T THEY KNOW THAT RUMORS AND GOSSIP ARE RARELY EVER TRUE? WHY CAN'T THEY JUST LET ME BE? WHY AM I NEVER ALLOWED A MOMENT OF PEACE? WHY DO I ALWAYS FEEL THE NEED TO CUT MY ARMS IN ORDER TO FORGET WHAT IS HAPPENING? WILL THIS NEED EVER GO AWAY? I AM SO FUCKED UP! X X X X X X X X X X X XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX X X X X X X X X X X X X X_

He stopped slashing at the page for a moment and reflected on what he had written. He was amazed to find that he had nearly covered an entire page with the dark, angry X marks. Each one had been written with such force that the page on the other side seemed to be embossed with his anger.

Remus had taught Harry to use the action of writing X's in his notebook when he was feeling angry or particularly overwhelmed with need to cut himself. He had read about it in one of his tomes on healing mentally. Making the slashing motion of the X on the page was supposed to simulate cutting, without the nasty side effect of bleeding all over the place. He had been reluctant at first to try the method because it seemed stupid to him, but it had had some surprising results. It usually calmed down him as it gave him a healthy way to vent his frustration, but not tonight. Tonight he just couldn't shake the awful feeling. It was an ache deep inside of him that didn't seem to want to go away. He knew that if he left this room right now he would inevitably give in to the craving and find some quiet corner to release the crimson fury.

He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he never even heard Draco enter the room. The blond had watched his beloved intently as he scribbled furiously into his notebook. It wasn't until Harry threw his journal across the room in frustration that he noticed his presence.

"D-Draco? Sorry… I-I didn't see you…" Harry muttered, rising from his position on the floor. He retrieved his journal from across the room and returned it to his bag beside the couch. He then leaned on the back of the sofa and waited for the other boy to speak.

"I noticed… Are you alright?" asked Draco coming closer to him.

Harry looked away and folded his arms over his chest. He hoped that Draco wouldn't feel the anger rolling off of him. "Not really…after Quidditch practice this evening I got into it with some third years from my house. I had to return a book I had borrowed from the library and I overheard them spreading rumors about our so called _scandalous_ relationship behind one of the bookshelves. I had nearly hexed them when I got kicked out by Madame Pince."

"Really? You seem pretty angry. Is that why you threw your journal across the room?"

Harry nodded, but remained silent fearing that he may somehow say something that he would regret later in this heightened state of anger. He closed his eyes and concentrated on calming down. The urge to cut was still pretty fresh and he had to suppress it before it took him over completely.

"I also got into a fight of sorts… only I think you fared much better…" said Draco. Harry hadn't heard the odd slurring in his speech before, and he looked up at him curiously. It was then that he noticed that Draco's lip was split and swollen painfully and that he was sporting a developing black eye.

"Merlin! Draco, what happened?" asked Harry with concern as he lifted his hand to touch the offended flesh gingerly. Some of the anger he felt earlier immediately dissipated when he saw that Draco was hurt. He was now totally focused on figuring out what happened to his boyfriend.

"Two words… Crabbe… Goyle…" said Draco with utter disdain in his voice.

"You have got to be kidding me? Those oafs are back already…" asked Harry in disbelief.

"I'm afraid so. They thought it would be fun to jump me to teach me a lesson for getting them into trouble. Those two are so stupid that they used their fists instead of their wands. Once I realized what was happening I hexed the both of them and levitated their unconscious bodies into the broom closet. They won't be waking up for quite a while," said Draco with a light chuckle.

"Draco…" Harry looked as if he wanted to scold him for such behavior, but he knew that the blond had no choice in the matter. It was either that or be beaten to a pulp. "You should really go see Madame Pomfrey. She can fix you up in a jiffy."

"I'd rather not. She will just get suspicious. I'm hoping that my former goons will forget that I have bested them yet again. If I don't say anything, I'm sure they won't either."

"You can't let them get away with this… not after… not after what they did to us…" said Harry softly. He looked up into Draco's pale eyes and hoped that he would see that he was blaming them not him.

Draco looked back down at him with sadness and guilt. Harry knew that he still couldn't stop blaming himself for attacking Harry on New Years. He took a breath and contemplated the situation.

"Listen, they have already been punished in Dumbledore's eyes. There is not much else I can do, and I'd really like to avoid having to receive another detention this year."

"But what about your face…" Harry said studying the red and purple blemishes on Draco's pale face.

"I'm fine," said Draco. He raised his hand to touch his now swollen eye and winced in pain. It was obvious that he was hurting much more than he was willing to let on.

"Will you allow me?" asked Harry pulling out his wand. The urge to cut was starting to pass as their conversation was played out.

"Allow you to do what?" asked Draco in playful matter. He raised one eyebrow suggestively and smiled.

"Heal you, of course…" said Harry rolling his eyes. He smiled back at the blond knowing that Draco didn't know about this particular ability of his.

"I didn't know that you knew how..." said Draco in shock. "Why didn't you…."

"Ever heal myself…" said Harry finishing Draco's sentence. "Believe me… I have tried. I taught myself a few simple healing spells my third year. I was hoping that I could use them before returning to Hogwarts each year, but things went badly when I tried. Let's just say that it isn't easy to heal your own body…" Harry shuddered at the thought. "Concealing charms are just as useful…"

Draco nodded thoughtfully and looked as if he wanted to say something more. He remained silent instead, and sat down on one of the couches beside the fireplace. Harry followed him and sat down beside him, noticing that Draco was sitting rather stiffly.

"Where else are you hurt?" he asked intuitively.

Draco sighed heavily and replied, "Well, my stomach hurts a bit too." He then took of his shirt carefully, his face contorted in pain.

Harry winced inwardly when he saw Draco's torso. He hadn't been badly beaten, but it was clear that he was in some pain. Harry knew exactly how those injuries felt all to well.

Determined to help his love anyway that he could, he grabbed his wand from his sleeve. He raised the wand and saw that Draco was looking at him with some apprehension. Harry laughed lightly at his expression as it reminded him of how he must have looked when Lockhart de-boned him while trying to heal his broken arm during his second year.

"Just relax," said Harry softly as he pushed Draco back gently. He then pointed his wand at the boy's abdomen. He whispered, "_Medicor malum_," and the purple bruising that marred his pale skin slowly vanished. He then repeated the procedure on Draco's face. His lip had healed nicely, but there was still some discoloration around Draco's grey-blue eye. Harry was reluctant to try healing it again as he wasn't a trained healer, so they decided to allow the bruise to disappear on its own. It was certainly less noticeable than it was before and Draco was no longer in pain.

"Thanks," said Draco licking his lips to find that they were no longer swollen or bleeding. "You're amazing. What would I do without you?"

Harry actually took a moment to think about what he had said. "You would probably be a whole lot happier…" said Harry sadly, sitting back against the plushy cushions. "Then you wouldn't have to deal with people talking about you behind your back all the time." Some of the frustration and anger Harry felt earlier was starting to return.

"Oh, come on now… You know how happy you make me. Don't let all those other idiots out there make you think any different…" said Draco wrapping his arms around Harry. Harry nodded morosely but remained silent.

Draco rested his head on Harry's shoulder and decided it was time to ask him something he had been thinking about earlier. "So you really taught yourself those healing spells because of the Dursleys…"

Harry took a breath and seemed to hold it as he listened to Draco's question. Exhaling slowly he muttered, "Yeah…"

"Will you tell me about it?" asked Draco quietly.

Harry's heartbeat quickened slightly and he began to feel a little nervous. He hated even thinking about the Dursleys much less talking about what had happened in their house. "Why do you want to know?" he asked curiously.

"Because it's a chapter in your life that has obviously affected you a great deal and I want to understand you better," Draco explained.

Harry thought about what he said and it sounded reasonable. After all, Draco had been more than candid with him when it came to his own private experiences with his own parents. Draco hadn't gone through nearly as much as Harry, but he wasn't without the emotional scars that abuse was associated with.

Part of him wondered why Draco would bring up his past now, when the rest of the world seemed to hate him and bent on making his life hell. Didn't he understand that he had enough to handle without having to think about all of that? But he realized that his life had always been one big drama after another, and there was probably never a good time to start a conversation like that. His experience with Remus had helped him somewhat and he wondered if sharing his story with Draco would help him at all. Deep down, he knew that he would never truly heal until he talked about it all so he decided to give it a go.

"What do you want to know?" asked Harry, turning his head to look down at Draco who was still snuggling him.

"Anything… I just want to understand..." said Draco whispering into his ear.

Harry contemplated what he said for a while. "Well, I really don't want to talk about some of that… you know… _stuff_…" said Harry. It was probably best that he didn't talk about the sexual abuse, especially since he hadn't spoken to Remus about it yet. Draco already knew how fragile Harry was about it because of their somewhat basic level of intimacy and the fact that Harry had reacted so badly when Draco had inadvertently attacked him on New Years. Besides, Draco had been there with him in Limbo when he relived the memory of being "touched" for the first time.

"I know…" said Draco sadly. "Just tell me whatever you feel comfortable with."

"I don't know really when it all started… It seems as if that was always the way things were in that house. I guess I was treated differently ever since the day I was left on their doorstep. My first inclination that something was wrong should have been the fact I lived in the cupboard under the stairs instead of a proper bedroom. And it wasn't like they didn't have the extra room for me. But not really having a sense of what's normal, I truly thought that I had deserved the treatment I got somehow…"

Draco kissed Harry's cheek and willed him to go on. "They expected a lot from me, even at an early age. I was responsible for most of the chores and for making breakfast and lunch. Petunia some times made me help with dinner too. I was expected to perform everything perfectly, every time. Any little slip up on my part warranted a slap or a kick. I don't think there was a day that I lived in that house in which I didn't have one bruise or another. One time, when things seemed to be getting worse, I tried to tell a teacher that I had in school what was happening to me. She took me under her wing and tried to help, but the social worker that came to the Dursleys' found that my relatives were 'upstanding citizens.' Because the paperwork took so long to process, most of my telling bruises had faded. She was convinced that my teacher and I had concocted the whole story to get attention."

"What happened?" asked Draco curiously. He sat up a bit to look Harry in the eyes.

"She was fired… I never saw her again. I was beaten with a belt and locked in my cupboard for two weeks…I learned the hard way that no one could help me… and it wasn't worth trying."

"Oh Merlin…" said Draco, putting his forehead against Harry's to show that he understood how horrible life had been on him. He then slid back down and rested his head on Harry's shoulder and listened to the rest of the story.

"Things didn't get really bad until my magic started to manifest itself. I had no idea at the time that I was a wizard so I had no explanation for all the weird stuff that would happen to me. It used to really scare me that weird things seem to happen to me but nobody else. My aunt and uncle told me on a daily basis that I was a _freak_, just like my parents, and for a long while I truly believed them."

Harry felt his throat become thick and he struggled to swallow the lump that had formed at the back of it. "Sometimes I would stand in front of the bathroom mirror and try to see what they saw in me. I thought that I might look different from other kids or something, but I seemed like a pretty average kid, besides my scar. I would stand there and stare at myself for what seemed like forever, but I never saw what they did. I knew that it must be something inside of me that only my relatives could see. Maybe I really was a _freak_… maybe that was why they were so cruel to me… and why I never got any Christmas or birthday presents… and why they would hit me and lock me up for days…and denied me food… and maybe that was why I didn't deserve to be loved…"

"Oh Harry…" said Draco blinking back the tears. "I hope that you know that isn't true. You are not a _freak_, and you deserve to be loved just like everyone else."

"I'm starting to understand that now, but for a long time… that was all I knew," Harry admitted. It had taken an enormous amount of energy to reveal everything he just said and he was feeling rather tired.

"At least you never have to go back there again… you have a home of your own now," said Draco trying to sound cheery.

"Yeah… I know…" said Harry.

"What is it?" asked Draco, hearing the defeated tone in Harry's voice.

"I don't know… things are great with Remus… but I can't seem to escape my past no matter how hard I try."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know… it's hard to explain. The pensieve has really helped with the dreams and my journal has given me a way to vent my frustration, but little things seem to still trigger bad memories…"

"What kind of triggers?" asked Draco curiously.

"Random stuff… the smell of whiskey… enclosed places… crowded places… touch… loud voices… the sound of a zipper…" said Harry, his voice trailing off.

Draco nodded in understanding. Everything Harry had said made sense from what he knew about his past with the Dursleys. Harry was silent for a long while after that and it was clear that he couldn't say anything else tonight. It had already been quite an ordeal to admit everything he just said.

"Thank you for telling me Harry…" said the blond squeezing him tighter.

For once Harry didn't feel the tears begin to prickle at the corners of his eyes. As much as he hated talking about everything that had happened to him he did feel a sense of release, like he had unburdened his soul. He mildly wondered if that was what it was going to feel like when he and Remus finally got around to discussing the sexual abuse.

"Can I kiss you?" asked Draco rather suddenly. He turned around to face Harry properly and waited for his reply.

Harry looked at him quizzically as if he were out of his mind. How could Draco think of kissing him after everything he just said? It seemed a little inappropriate. "Huh?" Harry muttered.

"I said… Can I kiss you? I suddenly feel the need to kiss you very badly… to show you how much you are loved," said Draco really sweetly. Harry grinned at him sheepishly. How did Draco always know to say just the right thing to put him in a better mood? He loved that about him.

"Do you even have to ask?" Harry questioned him lovingly. Upon seeing the knowing look Draco gave him, he had to admit that it had been a _thoughtful_ question. He smiled again slightly and responded by kissing the blond gently on the lips. "Does that answer your question?"

"Indeed," said Draco taking the hint.

The blond shifted his position again so that he could kiss Harry more easily. His soft pink lips touched Harry's and he began to kiss him with utter adoration. Harry had to admit, it was hard not to feel loved when Draco's kisses were capable of making him feel so tingly inside. It was amazing how much one little kiss could convey. Harry liked to think that their souls were never happy until their lips were locked, passing copious amounts of positive energy back and forth between them.

Harry responded by slipping his tongue into Draco's slightly opened mouth. They continued to kiss each other lovingly, and each felt the frustration and anger that each had felt earlier ebb slowly away. Their little snogging session that evening was very innocent and loving; not lust filled or passionate. They each needed to feel the soft caresses of their hands over each other's bodies as they kissed and embraced one another softly.

In the end, Harry found himself draped over Draco's body as they lay with each other on the couch. His head rested on Draco's chest, and he could feel the blonde's fingers entwining themselves in his unruly hair. He listened to the sound of Draco's heart beat as his head gently rose and fell with each breath the taller boy took. This was just what he needed. A moment's peace in the chaos that was his life.

If nothing else went right in the rest of his life, he knew that he could always depend on Draco. He was his one true thing that he could believe in. Feeling content, he felt himself just begin to fall asleep when the door to the Room of Requirement slammed open.

Hermione came running in and stopped suddenly when she saw the compromising position she had found the two boys in. Harry and Draco were both startled by her sudden presence.

"Ah…" Harry shouted as he fell off of Draco and landed on the floor with a thud.

"Sorry to barge in here like that… but I have important news," she said. She seemed very out of breath, like she had run all the way there. Suddenly, a tall red head appeared in the doorway looking very put out.

"Honestly 'Mione, was it necessary to run out of the library like that? You could have had the decency to wake me up properly… I was having a nice nap," Ron said as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He spied the other two boys looking a little embarrassed and he grinned madly. "What were you two up to before my lady here interrupted you so rudely?"

"Shut up Weasley," said Draco, whose face was now bright red. This caused Ron to start laughing. They hadn't really been doing anything to warrant embarrassment, but the way they had flown apart from each other was enough to cause suspicion.

"What is it? What did you find out?" asked Harry who seated himself next to Draco again after picking himself off the floor.

"I have translated the runes, Harry. I had to ask special permission to use some books from the restricted section, but I finally figured it out. Where did you see these runes, Harry?" she asked him suspiciously.

"Tell me what they mean first," said Harry, not willing to play her game.

"Fine," she replied huffily, plopping down on the couch across from the lovebirds. Ron sat beside her, looking completely bewildered in his sleepy state. Harry and Draco leaned forward intently, placing their elbows on their knees and clasping their hands in synchronization. They waited patiently for Hermione to reveal her part of the mystery. She pulled out the paper that Harry had originally given her and placed it on the coffee table between them.

"I must say Harry, you certainly had me intrigued. I have spent the better part of this week in the library trying to figure these symbols out," she said excitedly.

"Don't I know it…" said Ron. Apparently he was a bit irritated that his girlfriend had ditched him for books yet again.

"As I was saying," said Hermione, ignoring Ron's remark, "I find runes in general to be quite fascinating. They have been always closely associated with magic and foretelling the future, and each rune holds a special power. We have studied runes from various cultures in class, but I have never seen anything like these." Hermione pointed to the paper Harry had written the strange symbols.

"These ancient runes are so old that they _predate_ the Germanic writing called Futhark, which was once thought to be the earliest form of a rudimentary alphabet in Northern Europe. I couldn't even find a proper name for the language for the runes on this paper, and I had some trouble translating them. I found one book that translated the ancient runes into Old English, but I couldn't find an Old English to English dictionary here in our library. Luckily, I discovered a rather old and decrepit Latin dictionary that had a translation for the ancient language."

"Well… what do the runes say…" said Harry carefully. He eyed Hermione and knew that whatever she said, it was going to be quite powerful.

Hermione pulled out another piece of paper and turned it so the boys could see the words she had written on it in her perfect penmanship. "_Ligatio__animus damno infinitas._ _Justitia celer_…" said Hermione in a clear voice. She had obviously already memorized the translation.

"Which means?" asked Harry, Ron, and Draco in an annoyed tone. None of the three boys were very adept at translating Latin, despite the fact that many of the spells that they cast were derived from the dead language.

"Well… a loose translation would be _Imprisonment for souls who are damned for eternity. Swift justice."_ She turned over the paper as she spoke the translation in English so that the boys could see for themselves. Draco and Ron didn't seem to know what to make of either translation.

Harry grabbed the paper from the table and looked at the vague message in disbelief. He had had some wild suspicions about what the Veil could really be over the last few days, and it seemed as if his assumptions may have been correct. Could it really be? Does it mean that there may be a way to bring Sirius back? Harry's mind boggled at all the possibilities.

"What's up mate?" asked Ron. "Does any of this make sense to you?'

"I'm not sure…" said Harry sighing. He sat back and ran his hands through his messy mop of hair several times trying to think.

"Well, maybe if you explained what was going on we might be able to help you," suggested Draco.

"You're probably right…" he replied. Hermione and Ron looked at each other surprised that Harry was actually going to reach out to them for help yet again.

"I need you guys to just listen to what I have to say right now… please don't say anything until I'm finished…It's hard enough thinking about it all the time let alone having to say it out loud."

"Sure, mate," said Ron supportively. Hermione and Draco also nodded in agreement.

"The night before the custody hearing, Remus finally told me some information that he had been keeping from me about Sirius's supposed death…"

"_Supposed_?" asked Ron quickly, cutting Harry off. The dark haired boy eyed his best friend warily, and Ron got the hint. _Shut up and listen or I won't continue._

"As I was saying… Remus explained to me that as far as he knows, the Veil that Sirius fell into is actually a portal to Limbo." Harry paused here to glance at his friend's faces. Sure enough, they were just as surprised at this information as he was.

"I got pretty angry with them for lying to me and we had a row." Harry left out the part where he almost cut his arms again. He didn't want his friends to worry about him anymore than necessary, and it was important that they focus on the Veil, not his awful habit. "I started to think back to all those dreams I had about him and the voice calling out to me, and I think that I must have made some type of connection to Sirius when Draco and I were sent to Limbo last Halloween… I remember that entire experience quite vividly and I'm positive that I felt his presence while I was there. I just didn't know that it was him at the time.

When Remus and I went the Ministry the next morning I made sure that I brought my invisibility cloak and my journal with me. At the first opportunity, I sneaked out of the hearing and made my way down to the Department of Mysteries and found the Veil room."

"Oh Harry…" said Hermione softly. It was clear that she didn't want to interrupt but was saddened by the fact that he had chosen to return to where he had seen his godfather die. The look Harry gave quieted her instantly.

"I studied the archway and the surrounding dais carefully and that is where I got all of those runes," he explained. He reached beside the couch and took his journal from his bag that was still on the floor. He flipped through the pages until he found the rough sketch that he drew that day.

Ron, Draco, and Hermione studied the drawing intently, each one focusing on the strange symbols that decorated it. Across the top of the archway Harry had copied the runes that he asked Hermione to investigate. The three of them eyed Harry carefully wondering what he was going to say next.

"While I was there, I used a breathing technique that Remus taught me and I was able to put myself in a trancelike state. I received another dream memory… this time about the night that Sirius… er… died…" Draco looked at him worriedly. He knew about each of the dreams Harry had, and he knew how much each one affected him. Nothing could have been worse than seeing his godfather die yet again. Hermione and Ron had not been with Harry when Sirius fell, but they remembered when they found out a short while later. Both of their eyes looked somewhat glassy as they relived the horrors of that night. "When the dream ended I somehow managed to make a connection to Sirius through the Veil… It was like this light had shot out from both of our souls, connecting us together so that we could communicate."

"What?" asked Draco in disbelief. "Harry, you had no idea what you were doing! What if you'd been pulled into the Veil or something?" he asked somewhat angrily.

"Well, I didn't. Just listen. I t-talked to Sirius…"

"But Harry… you can't… Sirius is dead…" said Ron sadly. He looked as if he thought his best friend was going crazy.

"Don't you see… he really isn't! Remus tried to explain it to me, but I don't think that he even truly knows the mystery behind the Veil. He said that Sirius fell into Limbo body and soul, where as Draco and I only entered as souls. He says that there is supposedly no way to bring him back because there is no body for his soul to come back to."

"Do you mean to tell me that Sirius is actually alive… and stuck in Limbo forever…" asked Hermione quietly. Harry was getting a little irritated at all the interruptions, but he knew that his friends wanted to understand what had happened to Sirius as much as he did.

"Yes… reliving his memories over and over for an eternity…"

"But that sounds like hell…" said Ron.

"I know," Harry replied sadly.

"Harry, you said you spoke to him… What did he say?" asked Draco.

"Not much… we really didn't have a lot of time because Remus and the others came looking for me. Just before our conversation was cut short though, Sirius said two really important things to me…" This was the hard part of the conversation. Sirius's words had echoed through his mind over and over again since his visit and it was all he could think about. The guilt had been almost unbearable this last week. "He s-said that he d-didn't want… want to be t-there anymore…"

"Oh Merlin…" said Hermione dropping her face into her hands as she began to weep. Realizing that a trusted friend was suffering so badly was almost too much for her to bear. Ron put his arms around her and buried his face in her hair.

"And secondly…he said to 'use the veil' when I asked how I could help him get out of there."

"Did he say anything else?" asked Ron looking confused by Harry's last revelation.

"No… he just kept saying 'use the veil' over and over again…"

"What does all this mean?" asked Draco taking Harry's hand.

"I'm not sure, but I think that it's all starting to make sense now…" Harry looked back down at the paper he was still holding and began to think aloud. "The runes said that the Veil was _Imprisonment for souls who are damned for eternity. Swift justice._ I think that could mean…maybe… maybe the Veil is some type of prison for people that have been judged guilty. "

"I don't know, Harry," said Hermione. "We really can't make any assumptions."

"I understand, but… didn't you wonder why that room had all those circular rows of seating? It was set up like an amphitheatre or possibly some ancient court room. In fact, the whole room is similar to the courtrooms the Ministry has upstairs. The dais in the room was directly in the center too, just like where the chair with the shackles was in the courtroom I was in the summer before our 5th year."

"Harry, I don't understand what you are trying to say…" said Ron dumbly.

"I think that the Veil was what ancient wizards used before we had Azkaban Prison. What better punishment could there be than for someone to relive their sins over and over again for eternity?"

The others looked at him with understanding. Everything that Harry was saying was starting to make sense. "What are you trying to say Harry?" asked Draco.

"Sirius has been wrongfully imprisoned, once again, and I am going to do everything in my power to help him get out of Limbo."

A/N: Sorry to leave it there, but it felt right. I hope there was enough fluff in here to balance out the angst. I think I would like to highlight at least one more therapy session with Remus before this story goes into "action" mode. They may even explore some of the sexual abuse. What do you guys think? I know it seems like it is moving slow, but I hate it when things are rushed.

A/N2: I am sure that my Latin translations are a bit inaccurate, but I tried my best. I used an online English to Latin Dictionary. I couldn't remember if there was actually a healing spell used in any of the HP books so I made up my own. _Medicor malum_ means "heal injury."

**Many thanks to all my reviewers! You keep me going with your thoughtful comments and rave reviews.**


	24. Pensieve For Your Thoughts

A/N: Sorry if seemed like it took me a while to update. I was really looking forward to writing this chapter; I just never had any time. I hope that it was worth the wait. Don't forget to give me your input!

A/N2: Blackenedsoul has drawn a picture of the Harry from my story. It is so amazing that it's like looking at an actual photograph. Since the picture wasn't tied to any scene in particular, I decided to incorporate a scene in this chapter that fits her drawing. Thanks for the inspiration blackened soul! Check out my bio for a link to her drawing.

**Chapter 24- Pensieve For Your Thoughts**

Weeks had passed since Harry explained his theory about the Veil to his friends and he was no closer to finding the answers he was looking for. Why couldn't he find any information about it in any of the library's books? Both he and Hermione had searched the library a dozen times looking for anything that would remotely point them in the right direction, but each time they came up with nothing. They searched through books containing information about the Ministry of Magic, death, various courtrooms, archways, and even Stone Age architecture, but they couldn't find anything that could help them save Sirius. They even tried to locate information on the veil itself, but not a single book they had looked through had ever made reference to it.

There was the possibility that the restricted section could hold some answers, but without a clear idea of what they were looking for they could spend hours in there without finding a thing. Harry really didn't want to spend an entire night beneath his invisibility cloak searching through the thousands of off limit books trying to find an answer, but it looked as if it may be the only way.

Harry wasn't about to give up on something so important, so he decided to give the library one last try. His friends were all busy doing other things, so he took the opportunity to slip out of the common room to make another attempt at this fruitless search. His thoughts lately were mostly on ways in which to save his godfather from his metaphysical prison. Harry knew all to well the horrors of reliving your worst memories in Limbo, and the guilt over the fact that he had inadvertently sent them there was eating him alive.

He was currently walking down one of the many stacks in the library tracing his finger lightly over the many tomes as he whispered the name written on each of the spines. He silently cursed the fact that the library's filing system was so archaic. Sometimes there seemed no rhyme or reason to how the books were organized. It was so different from the system he was introduced to when he attended his Muggle primary school that he couldn't wrap his brain around the organization used here. So involved he was in his dedicated search that he barely registered the fact that someone was now standing beside him.

"Ahem," said the librarian, politely clearing her throat to gain Harry's attention. Nearly jumping out of his skin, Harry turned to face Madame Pince.

"Oh, I'm sorry… didn't see you standing there…" he replied shyly.

"That's quite alright. I know you and your friend said that you didn't need any help with your mysterious research, but you have been in here nearly every day for the last few weeks and it seems as if you are no closer to your answers than when you started," she said softly. Her arms were folded neatly over her chest and she stared down over the glasses on the bridge of her nose with a knowing look.

"You're right about that," he said looking way in frustration. Harry had to admit that her statement was more than true. He and Hermione had been pretty vague to the librarian about their reasons for being there so often.

"Might I help you with something?" she asked politely. She uncrossed her and arms and folded her hands in front of her waist and waited patiently. Harry eyed her warily, but realized he had nothing else to lose.

"I'm looking for information on a veil…" he replied, hoping that she wouldn't ask any more questions.

"Is this a certain veil in particular… perhaps one that women wear during certain wizard ceremonies… or perhaps a veil that covers a window…" she trailed off naming the various uses of veils in wizarding society. Nothing she said seemed to be of the historical sense that Harry was looking for, so he remained quiet.

She pursed her lips, taking his vow of silence as a cue that he would not reveal the true nature of his research. Then the librarian nodded thoughtfully and said, "Well, Mr. Potter, since you cannot tell me what you are exactly looking for, I suppose that my only solution to your dilemma is to allow you access to my reference tome."

"I'm sorry… did you say a reference tome?" he asked quizzically.

"Yes, there is only one like it in the library and I keep it behind my desk to protect it from the thoughtless teenagers that roam these halls. Most students that come in here do not value books as one properly should and handle them carelessly. I couldn't bear it if my only reference tome were damaged beyond repair. The old book is quite rare and has been spelled to search for information a wizard may be looking for from every book within this library," Madame Pince replied matter-of-factly.

"I didn't know such a thing existed," he said. He was more surprised that Hermione hadn't known of its existence since she seemed to know about everything that went on in this school. Being a Muggle born student, Hermione had always made it a point to know as much as any wizard born student, if not more. Harry couldn't wait to rub her nose into it that he knew something about her beloved library that she didn't.

"Well, its not common knowledge that it exists. I will allow any student access to it who needs use of it; they only need to ask, which you and Mrs. Granger clearly never did. I could have saved you quite a lot of trouble you know," she said pointedly.

Harry groaned inwardly at his own stupidity. He certainly could have saved a lot of time if he had only asked for Madame Pince's help in the first place. They had been worried that if they told her why they were searching for information on the veil that was contained within the Ministry of Magic that she would inevitably tell the headmaster and then all would be lost. "May I please use it?" he asked politely.

"Of course," she said smiling at him. "Right this way."

They crossed the spacious library over to her massive desk. She reached below the counter and pulled out a small book that seemed at least a few centuries old. _How could something so small hold enough information to search every single book in the entire library?_ Harry thought to himself. The thin book was so old that he was fearful to even touch the pages for fear that it would fall apart on him. Madame Pince handed it to him with great care and saw the look on his face.

"It's alright, Mr. Potter. I'm sure you will take great care of it. All you need to do is write the word or words that you need information about on one of its pages. Then tap your wand on that page three times and say _Invenio._ The reference tome will search every book in the library and give you the title and author of the book where that information is contained. I suggest that you write down that information because once you close the reference tome, the most recent search will be erased."

"Thank you Madame Pince," said Harry staring down at the tattered book in his hands with awe. "You don't know what your help means to me."

"That's why I'm here dear," she said. She turned away from him and began to quietly return used books back to the stacks by flicking her wand in the proper direction. As she went about her business, Harry found a quiet corner to do his research. Fortunately, there were only a few other students in the library so he knew that he wouldn't be disturbed. He was still dealing with some of the gossip floating around school about his recent disappearance and the nature of his relationship with Draco.

The raven haired teen sat down at a rather worn out wooden table near the back of the library and then retrieved his quill and ink from his shoulder bag. Setting his things on the table before him, he carefully turned the cover back on the reference tome, listening to it creak open with age. He then found himself staring at a creamy yellow page that shimmered slightly in the soft glow of the candle light.

Harry filled his quill with ink with determination and carefully wrote the word _archway _into the reference tome. He tapped the page three times and said _Invenio_ just as the librarian said. The word seemed to soak into the page, and for a moment Harry was slightly terrified. This experience was far too similar to what happened to Ginny and him when they wrote in Tom Riddle's diary back in his second year. The page glowed brightly for several minutes and seemed to be processing his request. After another moment the old page revealed a short list of books and authors. He relaxed when he realized that he wasn't in any danger. Scanning the page, Harry noticed that he and Hermione had already checked each one of those books in one of their earlier searches.

Taking a deep breath, Harry tried the same process on the next page with the word _veil_. He waited patiently as the book shimmered and vibrated softly. It seemed as if it was searching the entire library because it took several more minutes than before. This time only one book and author was revealed: _A Wizard's Analysis of Celtic Mythology by Theodore Waterbane. _

Harry stared at the title of the book in confusion. What did Celtic Mythology have to do with Sirius or the Veil? Maybe it was a mistake? He tried the reference tome again using the same word as before, but achieved the same result once again. He was deeply disappointed that it was the only book that seemed to contain information on a veil. He copied down the title and author quickly on a spare piece of parchment before trying a few other key words in the reference tome. He had no other luck during that late afternoon, and most of the books that had turned up were ones that they had already tried looking through before.

Feeling rather defeated Harry ran his fingers through his messy hair and rubbed at his tired eyes. He then packed up his things and walked towards the librarian's desk. He handed her the reference tome and said thank you softly. Sensing his sadness she asked him, "Is there anything else I can help you with? Didn't you find your search useful?"

"Not really… I did come up with one title, but I'm not sure how useful it will be to me." He showed her the name of the book he had written on the parchment.

"Celtic Mythology? Really? I didn't think you would be interested in such a thing. Most boys your age are only interested in Quidditch…" her voice trailed off again as she walked towards the stacks searching for the book. Harry followed her quietly thinking that searching for the book was pointless. He knew a little about Celtic Mythology from when he lived with Muggles and he never heard about a Veil before.

Madame Pince searched several stacks before finding the dusty old book tucked in the corner between two shelves. "Here we are… I hope that this was what you were looking for."

"I guess… thank you," he said taking the thick green book from her hands. He decided that looking through it was worth a shot so he seated himself back at the table he was before. He blew onto the cover of the old book to rid it of some of the dust and saw that inlaid in the cover and spine was gilded lettering that said the title and author of the book. Also on the cover was a picture of the goddess Eiru, outline again in the same gold leaf.

Harry quickly flipped through the pages, scanning the pictures depicting gods and goddesses, feasts and battles, and several strange looking beasts. The table of contents did not prove to be very useful so he then went to the index at the back of the book hoping that he would find a list of pages under the word _veil_. Sure enough there were several listed. Curiously, Harry turned to one of the first pages that was listed and began to read.

_**Otherworld**_

_The otherworld is a general term in Muggle Celtic Mythology for the various lands of the gods, both good and evil and for the place where one is reborn after death. The veil between these worlds is said to be rather thin at certain magical times during the year. The Celts were one of the first European peoples to believe in the immortality of the soul. The belief was that death was only a changing of place and that life went on with all its forms and foods in another world, a world of dead that gave up living souls to this world. Many Muggle Christians would call this place heaven. Celts also sometimes believed that the dead lived with fairy folk._

Harry stopped reading for a moment and remembered something that Dumbledore said to him after his first encounter with Voldemort during his first year. "_To the well organized mind, death is but the next great adventure,"_ he had said. Harry smiled while remembering this and thought about his parents. He liked the idea of James and Lily Potter alive and well in an otherworld waiting for him to join them. He forced his mind to leave his short fantasy and focus on the task at hand. Once again he began to read:

_Another form of the Otherworlds is a dark, brooding purgatory known today as Limbo, where souls relive their worst memories for eternity. Celts called this place the Fomorii Islands and described it as being protected by misshapen Merpeople. Another Otherworld is called the Mag Mell, or Land of Youth. Unlike many of the otherworlds in most mythologies, Mag Mell was a pleasurable paradise, either on a beautiful tropical island or at the bottom of the ocean. _

Harry briefly wondered if this was the place that Draco was transported to while he was in Limbo with Harry. He remembered Draco explaining about why he had thought he was taken from his memory of being in his father's dungeon to the island paradise. It seemed possible that there were ways for souls to cross from one otherworld to the next. Perhaps there was a way for Sirius to do the same. He mused for a moment that maybe all lost souls had to do was merely get past all their pain and suffering like Draco did, and accept that which they cannot change in order to move on. But would Sirius be able to cross back into the land of the living?

He returned back to the text, but there didn't seem to be anything else referring to a veil on the next few pages. This information wasn't exactly what he was looking for, but it was certainly more than he had to go on before. Harry glanced back at the index, and noticed that there were still a few more pages that he would have to read on the Veil elsewhere in the book. He hoped that they would be a little more promising.

Feeling rather tired, he glanced at his watch and noticed the time. Harry was surprised to see that he had already missed dinner and that his session with Remus would be coming up rather shortly. He decided that he would definitely need to go down to the kitchens to grab a bite to eat or he would never hear the end of it from Hermione. He also felt like taking a nap before the weekly session as well. Harry was by no means looking forward to tonight's conversation one bit.

He carefully closed the book, grabbed his things, and approached the librarian again. "May I please check this book out of the library?"

"Of course. Maybe your search wasn't so fruitless after all? Hmm?" she asked. Harry smiled politely and waited as she wrote his name and the book he was borrowing into her log book.

"Thanks again for your help," he said as he left the library.

"No problem, Mr. Potter. Anytime. Enjoy the book!" she said.

After making his way down to the kitchens (where he was ambushed by Dobby and Winky with copious amounts of affection), Harry returned to the common room to find Ron and Hermione studying with Neville and Ginny. They looked up at him worriedly, seeing the tiredness on his face. He quickly explained where he had been all afternoon and that he needed a nap. He also stated that he would like to be left alone for a while. They all agreed readily and promised to keep his other dorm mates out of their room while he rested up a bit. Harry was thankful that they didn't press him further on the subject.

He climbed the stairs with heavy steps and upon reaching his dorm room threw his bag down beside his bed. He toed off his trainers and then flopped down onto his bed rather unceremoniously. His arms and legs sprawled, he lay there feeling the full weight of his body along the soft four poster bed. Sometimes he felt so old and weary that he could hardly get himself up in the morning. It took an enormous amount of strength to deal with everything in his life sometimes, and he wondered if it was even worth it to get out of bed each day. He oddly wondered if there was anyone else that felt as burdened as he did with the entire weight of the world on his shoulders. Probably Dumbledore- he had defeated Grindelwald. Maybe even Snape- he was an ex-Death Eater turned spy- that couldn't have been easy.

He took his glasses off with his left hand and rubbed at his eyes tiredly with his right. As sleepy as he was, he knew that he would be unable to fall asleep. Too many things were running through his mind at the moment. He hadn't stopped thinking about the Veil, or about the information he had read in the book about Celtic Mythology. He wondered what else the mysterious book might hold, but he was too tired at the moment to make sense of anything else if he tried to read some more. He lay there quietly for a few more minutes sighing deeply now and then.

Mostly Harry thought about what he was going to tell Remus at their session tonight. He had certainly been successful at pushing off the inevitable conversation by manipulating their discussion in his favor. Part of him realized that Remus had probably allowed this control, but he felt empowered by it nonetheless. If he was going to talk about anything it had to be on his terms.

Remus had tried to encourage Harry several times to start talking about the Dursleys during their sessions, especially about his memories of being abused. With his support Harry was finally able to open up about a lot of things. He was able to talk about the verbal abuse on several occasions. That was easy. He could even talk about some of the physical abuse as well. Draco had seemingly helped him with that. But when it came to the emotional abuse he was subjected to, or especially the sexual abuse, Harry couldn't find the courage to say anything at all. How do you explain to someone that you feel as worthless as the Dursleys made you out to be?

He had been conditioned to think that he deserved the treatment that he got. It had been told to him so often that he shouldn't tell anyone about his awful secrets that it had been ingrained into his very being. He hated that he felt dirty and used. He hated that he had been unwittingly used as his uncle's play toy for so long. But what he hated most was that anyone knew about it all in the first place.

If only he had hidden the truth from Ron and Draco on that fateful day. He had replayed the event by the stream when he was staying at the Burrow over and over again in his head. Each time he wished that he had somehow kept the truth from them, but they had coerced it out of him in the end. Remus had inevitably found out and he was now determined to help Harry overcome the trauma he had been through.

As much as he appreciated everything Remus had done for him, he was immensely embarrassed and ashamed and horrified that he knew about the abuse. He wished that he could go back to that pure and innocent little kid that Remus met sixteen years ago. He was terrified that Remus might disown him or something once he found out the whole truth. He knew deep down that that would never happen, but the doubt lingered in the back of his mind like some disease. He also sometimes wished that he could go back in time and prevent the deaths of his parents from even happening. Maybe then he would never have had to endure all the shit that had happened in his life. Mostly he wished that he hadn't let Vernon touch him in the first place, but then again he had been only a little kid. He didn't know any better, right?

Harry scowled heavily as he thought about his uncle and rotated the earpiece of his glasses around and around in his hand so that his glasses spun back and forth. He couldn't figure out how he was going to avoid this conversation much longer, and it seemed as if it may have to happen _tonight_. He then set his glasses on the night stand beside him to prevent the disaster of breaking them once again.

Harry then turned onto his side and rested his head on the crook of his left arm. He gazed blurrily out the window of his dormitory and was suddenly awed at the sight he beheld. An amazing sunset was in the making, splayed with colors of gold and orange and red that illuminated the clouds and the sky with their ethereal light. Harry never noticed it before, but as the sun set, its rays reflected off the panes of the window in his dorm in such a way that the glass seemed to shimmer and glow with movement.

Harry was oddly reminded of the shimmery fluid contained within in his pensieve. It was then that he realized what he should do. If he couldn't talk about everything openly because it was too painful, maybe he could show Remus what happened to him instead.

Nearly an hour later, Harry found himself outside Remus's door toting a heavy wooden box. Not having a hand free to knock, he gently kicked the door with his foot, signaling to Remus that he had arrived. It hadn't occurred to him to simply levitate the heavy object all the way there.

"Hey Harry," the older man said. "Come inside. The house elves have just brought us some tea and cookies."

"Okay," said Harry. He made his way over to the couch and sat down, setting the large box on the coffee table in the process. Seeing his mug already set out for him, he grabbed it and breathed in the pleasant aroma. Taking a tentative sip he found that his tea had already been sweetened for him and was at the perfect temperature. He hated it when his tea was too hot to drink. From the odd sensation that overcame him, Harry knew that a calming draught had been added to his tea tonight. For all he knew, Remus may have always added it, but the effects felt stronger than usual. That could only mean one thing… he was preparing him for the dreaded conversation.

Remus sat across from him with his parchment and quill in hand, getting ready to start their session. Harry knew that he had noticed the box when he came in, but he probably figured it was full of pictures or something. Now that they were both seated, Harry saw Remus eye the wooden structure quickly. It was then that he noticed that Harry hadn't brought just any old wooden box. He had brought the one thing that had saved him from his never ending nightmares. Moreover, the precious box was the one thing that held all of Harry's worst memories.

"Uh… Harry… why did you bring your pensieve?" asked Remus. The older man looked at Harry curiously. He had seen the box that contained the stone bowl while Harry stayed with him at Ville de Luna, but Harry had never shared the contents of it with him before.

Harry raised his hand to silence Remus and began to speak, "Hear me out, okay? I know that talking about some of my past is important for me to heal, but I still can't seem to find the words to describe what happened to me. I thought maybe I could show you instead."

"I don't know Harry… what is it you want me to see…"

"What happened to me last summer… before I came to the Burrow…" Harry said looking down into his mug. The fire light reflected off the surface of the tea and Harry found himself staring at his own reflection. He quickly turned his head and stared at the box instead, finding the sight of his own face somewhat repulsive.

"No, Harry… I can't see that… It would be like a violation of your privacy… I would much rather just talk to you about it and hear in your own words how you feel about everything," said Remus. He had gotten up from his seat was now pacing around the room in a worrisome manner. Harry had certainly sprung something unexpected upon him and it seemed he couldn't decide how to proceed.

"Please Remus… I haven't really ever told anyone everything that happened to me. I think this may be the only way that I will be able to."

"Harry, I really don't know… it just doesn't seem right…"

"Please?" Harry asked pitifully. "I don't really want you to see what happened to me either, but I cannot avoid this conversation for much longer…" His emerald green eyes looked up at his new guardian pleadingly.

Remus finally stopped his incessant pacing and sat across from Harry once again. He leaned forward and rubbed his face tiredly as if trying to arrive at some decision. "You really want to do this?"

Harry nodded silently. Remus looked around the room, anywhere but at him, thinking carefully. Finally, he looked back at his young ward who looked so small and pitiful on the overlarge couch that occupied his personal quarters. "I will make you a deal Harry… you try to talk about as much as you can… and if you get to a point where you don't think you can go on… then we will decide if this is something you still want to share with me… okay?"

Harry wasn't exactly happy about the decision, but he wasn't left with much a choice. He had been hoping to get this whole nightmare over with rather quickly. "Alright," he agreed sadly.

"Good, then where to you want to start tonight?" said Remus sitting back casually.

"I'm not really sure," said Harry. He took one last sip of his tea and placed the empty mug on the coffee table between them. He eyed the cookies but decided not to touch them as his stomach lurched violently. He was suddenly not very hungry now that he knew what he had to do.

"Why don't you start at the beginning of the summer after your fifth year…" Remus suggested. Harry was grateful to see that Remus had abandoned his quill in parchment in favor of a more casual conversation. It helped to put Harry at ease.

"Okay… well… I was pretty upset after… you know… what happened at the Ministry and all… so I wasn't looking forward to going back to Privet Drive. You and the others tried to make it clear to my uncle at the train station that they should start treating me better, but he didn't seem to understand or care. The Dursleys thought that I had somehow put the members of the Order up to it," Harry paused a moment to sigh softly. "Things got pretty bad after that. I'm not really surprised though… it's not like they ever treated me right or anything. I was just a burden… a worthless freak that got left on their doorstep…"

"Harry, you're not a burden or a worthless freak….you know that, right?" Remus interjected.

Harry looked up at him in an annoyed manner. "Remus, this is hard enough as it is. Please don't interrupt me unless you find it absolutely necessary."

Remus's jaw dropped at Harry's assertive tone and then nodded in agreement. Seeing that he wouldn't be interrupted again he began his story. "Vernon seemed like he was always in a foul mood that summer; probably because his business was doing so poorly. He liked to blame his problems on me, and seemed to find great pleasure in making my life a living hell. My quality of life, if you can even call it that, decreased dramatically while at the Dursley's. I found myself locked in the cupboard under the stairs once again, and was only allowed out to do my chores. My portions of food, if I received anything at all, were near nonexistent because Dudley had been put back on his diet again."

"Vernon even went so far as to intercept all the owls, which angered him to no end, and burned my letters from my friends before I could read them. He forced me to write these dictated letters to everyone so that no one would get suspicious. There wasn't any way I could get word out that I was being mistreated even if I wanted to. Not that I really did… with Voldemort being back, Dumbledore said that I would only be safe from him at the Dursleys. I had some kind of protection there because of a blood tie with my aunt. I didn't want anyone else to get hurt like Sirius and Cedric did…" Harry's voice trailed off momentarily as he became lost in thought. With a nod from Remus he continued.

"I later found out from Dudley that Vernon had burned all my things in the backyard the night I had come home. I thought I was going to go crazy from the anger and grief I felt. My only saving grace was that I had the presence of mind to stow my wand, invisibility cloak, and photo album under my overly large clothing before we left the train station. I had planned on hiding it under the loose floor board in my room… I had no idea that I would get thrown in my cupboard instead."

Harry paused momentarily, not really sure what he should say next. Up until now the conversation had been surprisingly rather easy, but what he had to say next was going to be really difficult. He had already revealed more of his home life than he had ever told anyone before. A lump was slowly forming in the back of his throat, making it difficult to say anything else. His chest felt tight and constricted.

"Are you alright Harry?" asked Remus, noticing his sudden discomfort. He nodded thoughtfully, but refused to look at him. He felt so stupid and weak under Remus's scrutiny. He knew deep down that all this therapy would help him become a more happy and healthy person, but why did it have to be so hard?

"Do you think you can continue?" he asked. Harry nodded again. "When did your uncle start hitting you?" Remus asked carefully. Harry was shocked to hear him say it out loud. It sounded so cold put in that way, but he supposed there was no nice way to ask something like that.

Harry took a deep breath and tried to will away the knot that was still his throat. "Uncle V-Vernon has b-beaten me ever since I can remember, but it never got that bad before. It seemed like… he would h-hit… it seemed like he would h-hit me for n-no reasons sometimes… e-everything hurt… I had b-bruises and c-cuts all over my body… I think my ribs might have been f-fractured too. At one point my u-uncle began b-beating m-me with his b-belt for not getting all my chores done…" Harry paused to wipe away a stray tear and swallowed with some difficulty. Talking aloud was becoming increasingly more difficult. Remus came around the table to sit beside him, and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, willing him to go on.

"How often… Harry?" asked his guardian.

"I-I don't know… maybe everyday… I kind of lost track of the time…" He whispered softly. This was getting more and more difficult.

"Harry, I really don't want to ask you this… but it's necessary so that you can begin to heal… I know that you want a healthy relationship with Draco, right?"

Harry nodded and squeezed his eyes tightly, hoping that the tears would refrain from falling down his face. As safe as he felt around Remus, he wished that he were anywhere else but here right now. "Have you been having difficulty in your relationship with Draco?" Remus asked.

Harry knew that Remus already knew the answer. It was his way of starting the dreaded conversation without having to come out and say the words himself. "Yes," he replied weakly.

"Why?"

"Because of things that have happened to me… things that my u-uncle d-did to me…" Harry said softly. His voice was barely audible and he wondered if Remus could even hear him.

"What happened, Harry?" asked Remus as he removed his arm from Harry's shoulder carefully. The small boy was thankful that he had done so. He was still funny about touch sometimes, and he didn't think he could talk about what he needed to with Remus so close to him physically. By taking his arm away it gave Harry the security of the small amount of distance that he needed to remain detached.

"It h-happened mostly when I was really little… b-before I knew any better. My u-uncle would t-touch m-me… in a way that he wasn't supposed to. It usually happened when my aunt went out or if I was taking a b-bath," Harry cringed slightly as he thought about his seven year old self lying in the cool water of the tub while his uncle did unspeakable things to him.

"I-it's okay Harry… it's just you and me here… you can go on…" Remus said encouragingly.

"I-it didn't happen often though… mostly when my u-uncle got d-drunk. My aunt always refused him when he's like that…" Harry was crying openly now, but he wasn't even aware that the tears had started to fall from his face.

"Harry, what did he do?" asked Remus. Harry glanced up at Remus for a second wondering if he would have the strength to tell him and saw the unshed tears in Remus's eyes. "Tell me, Harry… it's alright…"

"H-he would t-touch me in p-private areas… b-between my legs… sometimes he would make me t-touch h… h-him…" Harry choked on a sob and brought his hands up to his face. "H-he s-said that I had to be a '_good'_ boy for him or I w-was going to g-get it…." The tears continued to fall unencumbered down his pale cheeks and splashed down from his chin on to his now soaked shirt.

Without being prompted Harry tried to continue. Remus looked somewhat surprised and was caught wiping away a stray tear of his own. He felt that the needed to get the whole story out before it consumed him entirely. "L-last summer things got worse… like I said Uncle Vernon had b-been having a lot of problems at w-work and started going to the local pub every day. One n-night he came h-home and he…"

Harry opened and closed his mouth but he found that he couldn't continue. The lump in the back of his throat from trying to suppress his shameful tears seemed to be constricting his ability to speak. All the came out was a strangled cry as he began to sob more loudly. He felt Remus's arms go around Harry, and heard him whisper comforting things in his ear. He couldn't seem to calm down in the slightest. What was upsetting him so much that he was so weak that he couldn't even tell his new guardian what happened to him that summer? It was just words, wasn't it? Why was he so afraid?

"Shhh… Harry, it's alright… you don't have to talk about anything else tonight… you have done so well… thank you for trusting me enough to tell me this…" said Remus, still holding him tightly. Harry continued to sob into his shoulder, relishing the comfort that was being bestowed on him.

"No," said Harry through his tears. "I want you to know everything… right now… I don't want to have to come back here and do this all over again…"

"Harry…." said Remus pulling back. He knew what the teen was asking of him.

"Please Remus, I need you to know…. so that you understand why I am so messed up…"

"Can't you just tell me in your words? I don't want to actually see what happened to you…" he said truthfully.

"I can't… every time I try… I just like shut down or something… I can't even write it … _please_…:" Harry begged him. He had already begun to feel a lot better about himself after sharing his past with Remus during their sessions. He had been reassured time and time again that nothing that happened to him was his fault and that he had no need to feel the shame. He was hoping that by sharing this last traumatizing experience that it would finally set him free from this emotional anguish he felt deep inside… free to be a normal kid… free to pursue a serious relationship with Draco, without having to deal with his past all the time… free to live like everyone else.

After a long time Remus finally agreed. He seemed very reluctant at first, but Harry knew that he would do anything for him… even if it meant reliving his worst memory so that he could continue to help Harry heal.

Harry sat down on the floor in front of the coffee table, and whispered an incantation. He heard the lock click open inside the wooden box, and he lifted the lid. Carefully he slipped his hands inside and picked the heavy pensieve up. He then placed it on the table before him. Remus seemed to be watching him intently. As apprehensive as he was about doing this, Harry knew that he was fascinated by the pensieve itself as well. It was somewhat smaller than the one in Dumbledore's office and was covered in modern wizarding runes.

Harry touched the surface of the silver liquid with his wand and closed his eyes searching for one of his most traumatic memories. Finding what he was looking for, he sat back and opened his eyes. Harry had decided before he had ever come that he was not going to follow Remus into the memory. It was bad enough to experience it the first time.

"I've never done this before… what will happen?" asked Remus. Harry was somewhat surprised at first, but then remembered that pensieves were somewhat rare and he was most fortunate to have had as much experience with them as he did.

"I have already searched for the memory I am looking for. Concentrate on the image in the bowl and you should feel yourself enter the memory. You won't be able to change anything that happened so don't even try. You will only be able to watch as an observer," Harry explained.

"Alright," said Remus nodding. He steadied his hands on either side of the stone bowl and tried to compose himself before entering the memory. Soon the professor was magically transported into the stone bowl where he became an observer to a most horrific scene.

Harry curled up at the end of the couch and sought the warmth from the fire. He suddenly felt very cold inside as he thought about what he had just done. Was it a mistake to ask Remus to do this? What would he think of him afterwards? What if he was disgusted by him or something?

Harry brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. His heart felt like it had suddenly sunk into his stomach, and he was overcome by worry. He thought about the horrific images Remus must be witnessing… _his uncle staggering in the house from the pub… stale whiskey heavy on his breath… opening the cupboard door roughly…. His uncle beating his already weakened and bruised body for being a worthless freak… then his uncle changing his tone of voice until it is almost icky-sweet… asking Harry to be a "good boy" for his uncle like old times… only this time he took it a step further… viciously ripping off his pants when Harry refused… the large man violating him repeatedly until his own obese body was spent… Harry crying and begging him to stop… threatening to tell someone if he didn't… Vernon strangling him in rage… screaming at him that if he told anyone that he would find and kill him… Harry believing him with every fiber of his being… and finally running away when he discovered that his uncle had forgotten to lock the cupboard in his drunken state…_

He sat there unknowingly rocking himself back and forth as he thought about Remus in his memory of that terrifying night. He waited several minutes for Remus to return, hoping that the man would be sympathetic about what had happened to him and not disgusted.

Finally, Remus's body was transported back into the room with a bright glow. He stumbled backwards and fell upon the couch behind him heavily. Harry eyed him warily not sure of what to say. Remus seemed confused and his eyes were unfocused. When he finally shook his head to clear the fog, he looked over to where Harry was sitting. His face changed rapidly from one of confusion to realization. His face paled considerably and he looked as if he might be sick. Then, without warning, Remus leapt up from the couch and ran for the open door way of the bathroom.

Harry stood up to follow him, wondering what was wrong when he heard his guardian throwing up in the toilet in the bathroom. His worst fear had been realized… Remus was disgusted by him. He probably thought he was weak for letting his uncle do that to him… he probably was ashamed of him as well. Overcome by emotion Harry didn't wait to find out the truth. He ran from Remus's private rooms like a bat out of hell.

He ran down the corridors at an insane speed, not really knowing where he was going. Right now only one thing was on his mind… he needed to cut… oh god he needed to cut so bad… he had to let out all this pain…

Suddenly deciding where he needed to go he changed directions and ran towards his safe haven. He ran blindly and wasn't even aware that someone was running after him calling his name. For the second time that day he was caught unaware, as he felt an arm grab him roughly around the waist to stop his insane sprint.

"Harry!" Draco shouted.

"No... stop…" Harry moaned through his erratic breathing. He struggled away from Draco's grasp and backed away towards the wall.

"Harry… it's me… what's wrong… what's going on…" Draco asked as he approached him slowly.

Harry looked up as he recognized the voice talking to him. His heart swelled with emotion at the sight of his beloved Draco. After everything he had been through this evening, he needed him now more than ever. Harry launched himself into Draco's arms and began to cry once again. Draco wrapped his arms protectively around Harry and tried to calm him down.

"Love, what is it? I can't help you if you won't tell me…" Draco tried. Harry continued to sob, saying nothing. Seeing that they were near their special place, Draco steered Harry towards the Room of Requirement and sat him down on one of the couches.

"Damn it Harry, what has got you so upset…" he tried again. Draco was trying to be patient, but he was also growing angry as well. He had started to speculate on what had caused his boyfriend to be so distraught and thought that maybe someone had hurt him. No one would hurt _his_ Harry again and get away with it.

"I need to cut…" Harry revealed. "I don't want to, but I need to so bad…" He looked down and saw that his hands were shaking.

"What? Why?" asked Draco angrily. He wouldn't tolerate anyone hurting Harry, including Harry himself.

Harry looked up at his now angry boyfriend and sighed. He would have to tell him eventually, might as well be now. He wiped away one of the last remaining tears and said, "Remus…"

Without allowing Harry to continue, Draco jumped up and said, "Remus hurt you? I'll kill that son of a bitch!"

"Draco, no… sit down and I will tell you," said Harry grabbing one of Draco's arms. Seeing that he wouldn't make another outburst Harry began again. "I had a session with Remus tonight and I ended up telling him a lot of what happened to me at the Dursleys… when I got to the part about the…. r-rape… I couldn't g-go on… so I asked him to see the memory in my p-pensieve…"

"You did?" asked Draco sounding surprised.

"Yeah, only I don't think it was a good idea," he replied regrettably.

"Why's that?"

"Because Remus is disgusted at the sight of me now… he probably won't want some pathetic weak excuse of a human being hanging around him this summer…"

"You don't honestly believe that, do you Harry?" asked Draco grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze.

"You didn't seem him Draco… he took one look at me and had to go vomit in the bathroom…"

"Listen, I don't think…." Draco began, but he was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Harry?" they heard Remus call from the other side. Draco looked at him to see what he should do about the adult that had intruded on their sation.

"I guess just let him in… I can't avoid him forever…" said Harry, who had curled back up with his knees to his chest, and his arms encircling around them. The need to cut had not yet diminished and he wondered how much longer he could hold out.

Draco crossed the room and opened the door. Remus looked relieved to see Harry. The older man crossed the room quickly and sat down beside the distraught teen. His eyes were red rimmed like he had been crying as well.

"Why did you leave like that? Did I do something wrong? Didn't you want me to see your memory…" Remus began to question him.

"I thought I did, but once you had entered the pensieve I started to have some doubts. I thought you might be disgusted by me, and when you came back out you took one look at me and threw up…" said Harry. A single tear had coursed its way down his cheek. He wiped it away hastily, cursing himself for being so weak as to cry as often as he did.

"Oh Harry… I am not disgusted by you… the reason I got sick was that I was so upset by what I had seen… Your uncle is a horrible excuse for a human being… It broke my heart to see you hurt in that way… I'm so sorry that we didn't rescue you… I'm so sorry that you were sent to live there… I'm so sorry for everything that has ever happened to you… I hope that you will still allow me to help you…" Remus's voice sounded desperate and his eyes became glassy once again as he was overcome by the emotion of the situation.

Harry looked up at Draco who had sat down on the other couch, not wanting to interfere with the conversation. He gave Harry encouraging look as if to say "_Accept his help you idiot!"_

"You still want me to stay with you?" asked Harry tentatively.

"Of course I do Harry. Why wouldn't I?" he asked. Harry merely shrugged as if it were a conclusion that any person might jump to. "You need to learn that I will always care about you and want you around. That will never change no matter what you say or do, or what may happen to you. Alright?"

Harry nodded and gave him a smile. Remus reached out and gave him a quick hug. He flattened down his messy hair a bit, and asked him, "Are you really alright?"

Harry was about to nod yes, but caught Draco's eye. He knew that he would have to admit the truth before Draco said something. "Well… not really. I-I was going to go c-cut myself when I ran into Draco…"

"You were… but I thought… do you still want to?" said Remus, processing this startling revelation.

"Not as much as before… but a little… I didn't really realize until now that I actually have a problem… I'm not so sure now that I can control it."

"It won't be easy, but you will learn in time. Do you want me to stick around or would you like to be alone with Draco?"

Harry was touched by the man's thoughtfulness. "Alone please…"

"Alright, but I want you to come see me tomorrow night to check in. Okay?"

Harry nodded and gave Remus a quick hug. "Good night kiddo. I love you…"

Remus then turned to Draco and whispered something in his ear. After several minutes, Draco nodded in response, but didn't offer to tell Harry what was said. He briefly wondered if Remus had asked his boyfriend to watch out for him so that he didn't cut himself. Remus quietly left the room, and Draco came over to where Harry was sitting and grabbed his hand.

"You know I love you, right?" asked Draco, looking into his emerald eyes.

"Yes… I love you too…" Harry said smiling.

"Good, because I don't think I say it enough…" The tall blonde leaned over and kissed Harry sweetly on the lips, and then pulled him into a hug. "Do you feel like doing anything?"

"Not really…" Harry replied. In fact he felt rather tired from his ordeal.

"Good because neither do I…" And with that Draco pulled him into a hug and lay down beside him on the long couch. They cuddled each other through most of the night, breaking once in a while to kiss and caress one another. It was just what Harry needed after such a hectic day. A long peaceful night beside the one he loved.

A/N: _Invenio_ means "find" in Latin.

A/N2: I actually had to go back and re-read parts of my own stories BMTL and EOTM so that I was consistent as far as the details on the abuse. It's been so long and I have written so much that I forgot a lot of it already. Is that normal?

A/N3: This note is actually pretty important. My beta and I did a lot of research on Celtic Mythology in order to make the existence of the Veil more believable. Most of what you will read in the "excerpts" is information we have collected and is factual in the historical sense. Some of the information has been "fudged," so to speak, with my own interpretation of what may be possible wizard history. It should be fairly easy to tell the difference so please don't point out any inaccuracies if you are a Celtic Mythology buff of something. I hope that you all enjoy the interesting angle I have taken. You will see more Celtic Myth's in the next few chapters.

A/N4: As far as the pensieve goes, my story is working on the premise that although Harry has placed his memories of his uncle in the pensieve, he hasn't lost his knowledge of what happened to him. Does that make sense? For example, you may know about things that happened to you when you were real little, but may have no actual memories of it because you were too young. I hope that clarified any confusion.

**Many thanks to all my reviewers and readers! And a million thanks to my beta/ researcher Drae for all her inspiration!**


	25. Celtic Gods and Slytherin Monsters

A/N: xblackenedsoulx has drawn another picture for my story. Check out my bio page to find the link. This time she illustrated what was going through Harry's mind as he retold Remus about the rape.

**Chapter 25- Celtic Gods and Slytherin Monsters**

For the first time, in a long time, Harry felt he could almost move on in his life. The horrors of his past were slowly becoming distant memories and it seemed as if his life was getting on track. He hadn't cut himself again even though he had felt the need several times. Remus's unwavering support had been a godsend these last few weeks, and he had grown to depend on him more and more. He was closer than ever with Ron and Hermione, and things had been going well with Draco as well. In addition, his studies continued to improve and he even found himself having an appetite for the first time in a long time.

The only thing that was still seemed to be a problem was the unending gossip about him. Most of the students now had the presence of mind to whisper behind his back, rather than openly. Thankfully, Harry's fellow Gryffindors eventually came to their senses and began to defend him fiercely, stating that it "was none of their business" whenever a member of the other three houses tried to defame him. Harry later learned that McGonagall had talked some sense into them, but he appreciated their support anyway. He was no longer wary of hanging out in the common room with his friends.

A few days had already passed since his soul unburdening session with Remus, and the Boy-Who-Lived was desperately trying to get some much needed rest. Although his life had seemingly improved, sleep was still an issue. He had already tossed and turned on his four poster bed a dozen times until he found a position in which his body found suitable to finally fall asleep. He slipped fitfully most of the night, slipping in and out of consciousness; waking at the smallest sound. When he did finally fall to sleep, he found himself oddly aware that he was dreaming again. It had been a long time since he had relived one of Sirius's memories in his dreams, almost a month now, and he was having trouble understanding what he was seeing. As the dream unfolded, it all began to make sense.

_Through the darkness Padfoot could see a patch of dim light through a small opening ahead. Though he could not see much of anything, he was aware that he was in a tunnel of some kind as the walls around him felt close and the air stank of a certain dankness that only a subterranean cavern could hold. _

_Despite the tiredness he felt in his bones, he charged ahead on all four legs with renewed determination. His sense of purpose had not wavered since his escape from Azkaban. He knew what he had to do, and nothing would stop him from succeeding at his goal. While he continued his swift pace, he carefully half-dragged, half-tugged the large body that limped and struggled behind him. Despite the thrashing the young man was making, the black dog kept the boy's arm firmly between his teeth. He made sure to apply enough pressure to keep his arm in place, but not enough to pierce the sensitive freckled skin. _

_The boy was certainly putting up a good fight despite his grievous injury. He had tried unsuccessfully to pry his arm loose while managing to hold onto his beloved pet, who was also thrashing about in the most peculiar manner. Foul language spewed from his mouth in anger, fear, and pain, but Padfoot ignored his comments as he continued on his mission._

_The darkened tunnel suddenly began to rise upwards at a steep incline before twisting slightly. Upon reaching the ever growing light, the large black dog used one of this front paws to push a door forward, entering a very disorderly and dusty room. It was obvious that this run down shack had not been cared for in a very long time. Paper was peeling from the walls and there were stains all over the floor. Every piece of furniture was broken as though somebody had smashed it in an angry fury. The windows were all boarded up from the inside. It was rather difficult to determine if the boards had been used to keep the villagers out of the old house, or to keep something inside the house from leaving. He almost smiled fondly, despite the flesh between his teeth, when his canine eyes saw his surroundings once again. He knew this place well, as did the boy's rat._

_Padfoot moved quickly up the creaky old stairs still tugging the struggling boy. Upon hearing the squeal of pain, he darted his eyes sideways to catch a glimpse of his captive. The tall red headed boy was still holding onto the squirming rat. His face showed the true terror that he was feeling inside, but his actions made it clear that he was not willing to give up so easily. There was something else in his eyes as well; defiance. Sirius would later learn that this strong willed boy beside him was his godson's best friend Ron Weasley._

_Padfoot continued their ascent at a feverish pace until they happened upon an old bedroom. The large black dog quickly transformed back into his human form, frightening his captive greatly. Sirius grabbed the boy roughly and discarded him onto the floor by the bed. The red-head began to writhe in pain as he clutched at his broken leg, which was now sticking out at a strange angle. Seeing that Sirius was now standing over him menacingly, Ron quickly deposited the squirming rat into a pocket of his robes and reached for his wand instinctively. Fortunately, Sirius seized the boy's wand before he could fire off a hex. Although the wand was not his own, it felt good in his hand. It had been a long time since he had held one and the subtle power that it emitted was now coursing through his veins, empowering him to do what needed to be done._

_He approached the boy again hoping to seize his prize but his cat friend distracted him momentarily. Crookshanks, Hermione's bushy tailed cat, must have followed them up there because he suddenly appeared from the shadows. He leapt up onto the four poster bed and curled up, purring happily. A noise alerted Sirius that someone was in the hallway. Wanting to have the element of surprise when the intruders appeared, he waited quietly behind the door. _

_He curiously watched as "Harry" and Hermione burst into the room seeing their friend in pain. Harry was once again disconcerted by the fact that he was watching himself in one of Sirius's memories. Ron tried to warn them of Sirius's presence, but they were too late. Sirius quickly disarmed them and tried to explain to "Harry" everything that had happened up until that night. Harry observed himself in wonder, as he boldly stood up to Sirius defending his parent's honour. Hermione tried to hold him back, but the other Harry wasn't having it._

"_HE KILLED MY MUM AND DAD!" the younger Harry roared as he lunged towards Sirius, forgetting the fact that he was a short and skinny thirteen year old kid standing up to a full grown wizard. He looked ready to kill!_

_Sirius didn't do anything as one of Harry's hands grabbed his wasted wrist, forcing the wand tips away. He then struck the side of Sirius's head with the knuckles of his other hand._

_Hermione and Ron were screaming in the background as a blinding flash of light emitted from the three wands Sirius was holding. A jet of sparks soared through the air and missed Harry's face by mere inches. Harry held onto Sirius as he began to struggle. Having no other choice, Sirius reached out with his free hand and clutched Harry's throat tightly._

_"No," Sirius hissed, "I've waited too long --" His fingers tightened, choking Harry fiercely. His glasses were now askew on his pale face. A look of horror stared back at him through emerald eyes… eyes that revealed an old soul who had known such pain and fear in his past._

_Soon Hermione and Ron joined the scuffle, each one punching and kicking until Sirius finally let go of Harry with a grunt of pain. By now the man was sporting a black eye and his nose was bleeding freely. Crookshanks had also joined the fray; sinking both sets of front claws into the younger Harry's arm, protecting the older man. The bushy orange cat jumped atop Sirius, who now lay sprawled on the floor against the wall._

_Harry approached him again cautiously, wand in hand. The look in his eyes bore so much hatred that the grown man was truly frightened. If looks could kill he would already be dead. Just when it seemed that he would be doomed to his fate, a noise alerted them to a presence in the hallway…_

As usual, Harry was startled awake from his dream. He sat up quickly and saw the curtains around his four poster bed hanging limply all around him. He listened quietly in the dark to see if he had awakened any of his dorm mates. From the sound of the various breathing and snoring around the room, it appeared as if everyone were still sleeping.

Like most instances when he dreamed, he found himself shaking slightly as he remembered the events that had taken place. He ran his hands through his messy black hair and took some deep cleansing breaths. It was always a very surreal experience to view a memory from someone else's perspective, but tonight Harry found it more alarming than usual. Not because of what happened later that fateful evening when they discovered the true identity of Ron's pet Scabbers… no, that was something that Harry had already come to terms with. It was their actions towards each other that surprised him. Although the memory took place in the past, Harry found himself feeling scared. Terrified really… for mainly two reasons.

Before he knew the truth about Peter Pettigrew, Harry saw the look in his own eyes when he wanted to kill Sirius. What if he hadn't been so reserved? What if he had taken things too far and jumped into action without thinking, like he was known to do? This thought was very unsettling, and Harry couldn't help but feel guilty for wishing any ill will towards his godfather.

Secondly, he experienced Sirius's actions through his memory and couldn't shake the look in the other "Harry's" eyes when Sirius had wrapped his hands around his throat. He had been truly terrified, but he never realized how much so until now. It was oddly reminiscent of what his uncle did to him last summer. Harry reached up and gently caressed his neck, thinking about both men wrapping their large hands around his throat, cutting off the supply of oxygen. Couldn't Sirius have done something else to prevent the series of punches that the younger Harry had thrown at him? Did he have to nearly strangle him to protect himself? What if Sirius had really known what he had been doing to him?

Harry shuddered at the thought. It had always slightly disturbed him that Sirius had only intended to come back to Hogwarts to kill Peter Pettigrew. It seemed as if Sirius had only considered getting to know his godson better as an after thought. His behaviour had been so strange that night in the Shrieking Shack, so unlike the Sirius he would eventually grow to love. He had been hell bent on revenge, and it didn't matter who or what stood in his way of that, including his godson.

Later, Harry learned more about his father's best friend, and he found comfort and support in the man's presence. He soon forgot what happened in the Shrieking Shack and even jumped at the opportunity to live with him. He would do anything to get out of living in the Dursley's household. Unfortunately, living with his godfather was never a reality for Harry. Sirius was still a wanted man, and Dumbledore was convinced that Harry could only be protected from Voldemort in the "sanctuary" of his aunt's house. The headmaster had no way of really knowing at the time just how foolish that decision really was.

How would things be different if Harry had just told someone about his home life? Why couldn't he swallow his pride and admit the truth? Would he still have been able to get to know Draco if things had been different? Would they still have this undeniable connection? Part of Harry knew that deep down that they would have come together eventually. Their souls wouldn't rest until they were together again, even if it took decades for them to realize their feelings.

With Sirius on his mind, and no real possibility of being able to fall asleep again, Harry decided to have another look at the book he had borrowed from the library. Grabbing his wand from beneath his pillow, he cast the "Lumos" spell so that he could see properly. Fortunately, the heavy red curtains that draped around his bed were thick enough that his dorm mates shouldn't be awakened by the light. He picked his head out of his bed, and reached for his glasses on the bedside table. After placing the frames on his face, he saw that he had a good hour or so before the others would begin to rouse. He then reached beside the bed where he had last tossed his bag last night, and reached inside. He fumbled about in the darkness, pushing aside what felt like his school textbooks until he found a book that felt to be the proper width.

Pulling his arms inside his coverings he was relieved to see that he had selected the correct book. He quickly propped his pillows up behind his back so that he was more comfortable and leaned back. He then bent his knees and placed the thick book on his pyjama clad legs. He looked at the cover once more and sighed deeply. He hadn't yet told his friends about his discovery, because he still didn't know much more than before. _Please let this book hold some answers to saving Sirius_, he whispered to himself. _I don't think I can spend a lifetime witnessing his memories and hearing his pleas for help._

He opened the book to the index in the back and searched for the word "Veil" once again. Finding what he was looking for, he thumbed through the pages looking for the next reference to the mysterious veil. What he found was a quite lengthy analysis of a Celtic God that Muggles called Donn. The accompanying black and white picture depicted a rather old wizard standing before an archway, casting what looked like a spell. He seemed to be quite powerful, and the image reminded Harry of Professor Dumbledore because the man wore a beard as long and as white as the headmaster. Intrigued by what he saw, Harry began to read to himself quietly.

_**The House of Donn**_

_It is amazing how Muggles have created a belief system like Celtic Mythology, to help understand the practices of witches and wizards around them. Instead of embracing the magical folk living among them, they concocted stories and scenarios to explain that which they do not understand. _

_For example, Muggles have long believed that Donn was the god of the dead in Ireland. In actuality, he was a powerful sorcerer who lived over two millennia ago, whose magic still defies our current understanding of what wizards are capable of. Many witches and wizards, who both feared and were awed by his power, joined his army of Milesians. He had many followers in his day, but he was not what was considered to be a dark wizard._

_His house, Tech Duinn, otherwise known as the "House of Donn," was said to exist on an island located to the southwest of the Irish coast, and was a temporary resting place for the dead before they crossed into the Otherworld. Muggles believed that within his home there was a portal that led the dead from this world to the next. _

_Magical brethren know that Donn wasn't a god at all; he was just a misunderstood wizard. Through careful research it was revealed that the "portal" to the Otherworld was really a result of a spell that back fired on him. Donn was merely trying to contact his long lost love, Mira, in the Otherworld Mag Mell through a series of magical spells and charms, when he accidentally punched a hole through our world leading to the next. Like a needle piercing cloth, two holes in the fabric of our existence were created. One was produced in his home in Ireland, the other in the heart of what is now present day London. Both were located in subterranean caverns, deep beneath the Earth's surface. Thankfully, not many knew of their existence. Realizing the seriousness of what he had done, Donn erected two archways, each covered with a cloth like veil, to protect the living from accidentally crossing through to the beyond._

_From that point forward, Donn charged himself with the position of guarding the two veils. Through a series of enchantments and potions, he prolonged his own life as much as possible so that he could oversee what he had inadvertently created. If a soul did not pass directly to the Otherworld, Mag Mell, upon death because of unfinished business here on earth, they sometimes needed some help finding their way. He watched over the veils carefully, ensuring that only lost souls that had already passed away could cross over into the Otherworld. Donn tried to find a suitable replacement for him when he passed away, but no wizard he found ever seemed worthy enough of such an honor; so no apprentice was ever appointed. _

_It is unclear in wizarding history what caused the eventual death of Donn. One Muggle story tells of how the lovely goddess Eiru, whose name was later given to Ireland, destroyed Donn. According to Muggle legend, Donn became restless and wished to go an adventure. When Donn and his ban of Milesians left their island and arrived on the mainland shore of Ireland, they were greeted by Eiru. She promptly asked if she might have the honor of lending her name to the land that they had planned to conquer. Donn dismissed her request, scorning the goddess. For his mistake, Donn paid dearly. The god of the sea, Manannan Mac Lir, caused a storm to engulf the Milesians per Eiru's request, drowning Donn off the coast of Ireland. _

_Muggles do not understand the seriousness of his death, however it was really caused. Donn regrettably did not realize that his death would have huge implications for what happened to the veils next. Many lost souls would later come to the portal in hopes of passing through to the Otherworld, but without Donn there to correctly guide them, they passed through the veil of death into a Limbo like world. They had no way of returning to the land of the living or passing on to the Otherworld, and they were lost forever. Their fate was to relive their memories for eternity. Many other lost souls learned about the difficulty of crossing into the Otherworld and decided not to take a chance. That is why we have so many ghosts haunting wizarding homes today. There is no way for a lost soul who has unfinished business here on earth when they die to ever make the crossing successfully._

_Centuries later, magical folk who learned of their existence decided that the two veils could be used for some good. They had struggled for a long time to find a way to contain dark wizards who had committed horrendous crimes. Before they discovered the usefulness of Dementors, they had no way of preventing dark wizards from breaking out of their prisons. Sending these criminals to a place where they could never harm anyone again was an appealing idea. A courtroom of sorts was carved around the subterranean rock protecting one of the veils and was used for many centuries to punish the worst wizarding criminals. Later the Ministry of Magic was built around the Veil to protect its existence after they learned how to control the Dementors in their newly built prison, Azkaban. The true nature of the veil's existence remains a mystery to most wizards and witches who work for the Ministry._

_The location of the other portal remains hidden to this day. It is said that many centuries after Donn's death; Merlin himself erected wards around the second veil's location off the coast of Ireland to protect its existence. Only the true of heart are said to be able to enter the confines of the subterranean temple…_

Harry turned the page, but found that there was no further information about the House of Donn or the veil itself. He quickly reread the section of text again, amazed at what he had found. This seemed to be the answer he was looking for! He knew that if he wanted to save Sirius that he was going to have to go back to the Veil, but it had seemed impossible before seeing that it would be difficult to go the Veil room again unnoticed. Now it appeared as if there may be a second Veil still in existence off the coast of Ireland.

Harry was feeling rather excited about his discovery at first, but then he realized that he now had more unanswered questions than he did before. Where was the second veil exactly? How was he going to get there? When should he go? When he did get there, would he be able to get past Merlin's wards? If he did, how was he going to bring Sirius back? Would he be able to do all of this alone? Were there dangers involved? What about the Death Eaters who seemed to be getting closer and closer to Britain? What would he do if he were caught by Voldemort? What would his friends say about all of this? What if Harry failed his mission? What would this do to Remus? If he succeeded, would Sirius ever be the same?

Harry pulled at his hair in frustration as he thought more and more about his predicament. He knew that he was "looking for trouble" again, but he couldn't live with himself if he didn't at least try to save Sirius from the torturous hell he was in right now. He was about to grab his journal to write down his thoughts when he heard Dean and Seamus begin to awaken from their sleep. Wanting to get in the showers before the others, Harry quickly hopped out of bed and gathered the things he would need. A hot shower sounded really appealing right now, and he still wanted some time to think before he had to face his friends. Their eyes seemed to be able to see right through him lately, and Harry knew that it was inevitable that they would drag whatever was bothering him out into the open.

Fortunately, Harry had an extremely busy day and he managed to avoid any serious conversations with his friends for most of the day. They seemed to know something was on his mind, but they didn't press the issue for the time being. In fact, he was having a rather good day for once. He found his classes today to be fairly easy, even Potions, and his peers had seemingly stopped staring at him whenever he walked through the halls.

Even Quidditch practice went well that day. Everyone was on top of their game, executing difficult maneuvers with the greatest of ease. And Harry was able to catch the golden snitch a total of eight times during the course of their hour and a half long practice. A team record even for him. The Gryffindors couldn't wait to play against the Slytherins in the upcoming match.

Harry was in high spirits walking back to the castle with Ron and Ginny. There was a slight bounce in his step as he talked about trying out some new diversionary tactics he read about in _Quidditch Weekly_. Out of the corner of his eye he could see the smirk on both of the red heads' faces at his apparent jubilation, but he didn't care. He was having a good day for once, and nothing was going to spoil it. It had been a long time since he had felt this good. Just as it seemed as if the day couldn't get any better, another moment of good fortune seemed to shine down upon him.

Ron was just about to open the door to the castle for his best mate and little sister when he noticed that Ginny had stopped in the middle of the stone staircase. "What is it, Gin?"

"Oh… I can't believe how stupid I am…" said the younger sibling, cursing under her breath. She hung her head in her hands. Her hair was still slightly slick with sweat and it made her look even more distraught than she really was.

"Hey, what is it?" asked Harry with concern.

"Well, I just realized that I forgot to an assignment for Muggle Studies this weekend, and it's due tomorrow," she moaned looking up at them.

"How could you have possibly forgotten?" asked Ron in a parental like tone. Harry eyed him in disbelief. Ron was notorious for doing assignments at the last minute or forgetting about them altogether.

"Well, Neville and I were… you know… kind of occupied… all weekend… and we forgot," she said shyly. "It's an honest mistake." She sank down onto the stone steps as she realized what she had slipped out. She held her head in embarrassment.

"What do you mean!" asked Ron. Harry gave him a look that clearly sent the message about what they had been up to. "Wait, you mean… no… I don't want to know… ewww… my little sister… yuck… bad mental image…" Ron began to hit the side of his head trying to dislodge the image of his sister snogging Neville out of his head.

"Okay, so you forgot to do the assignment. Big deal! Why can't you just do it now?" asked Harry as he slid down next to her.

"I guess I could… it's just that, well… I'm not even sure what we're supposed to do. I tried to ask Dad about it when I owled him last week, but he didn't seem to know the answer," she replied.

"Why didn't you ask me or Hermione for help?" asked Harry. "We both have lived as Muggles."

"Well, I was kind of embarrassed. I feel like I should know this stuff by now, but it doesn't make any sense to me. And Neville doesn't really have a clue, even though he had the same class last year. I didn't want you guys to think I was stupid or anything," she replied.

Ron sat down beside them. "Are you kidding? Don't you remember all the stuff that Harry had to learn about our world his first year? He didn't know anything!"

"Thanks, Ron," Harry replied mockingly. He rolled his eyes, and continued again. "Okay what's the assignment?"

Ginny sighed deeply and said, "Well, we're supposed to watch something called a Vid-eeh-oh… and write an essay on what we thought of it. The professor gave me a 'tape' to watch. Well, I tried watching it, but it didn't do anything. It didn't even move when I set it on the table! I don't even really know what is or what to do with it."

"A video?" asked Harry. "Is that all?" He chuckled out loud over the silliness of the situation. He could picture the red head staring at the VHS tape on her desk waiting for something to happen. Ginny had no idea how much fun her assignment really was. Seeing that the other two were annoyed by his outburst, he quickly squashed giggles.

"What's the video called?" asked Harry smiling from ear to ear.

"Liar Liar" she replied. Harry couldn't believe his luck. He had heard about that movie before, and had always wanted to see it. Of course the Dursleys would never allow him to go to the movies or watch a rented one for that matter. A good comedy would do them all some good right about now.

"Brilliant! Listen, you two get Hermione and Neville. I'll get Draco and see if Blaise wants to join us. Meet me in the Room of Requirement once you get a chance to shower," Harry said excitedly as he rose from his seat. "Oh… and don't forget to bring the video tape."

"Why? How is this going to help me with my assignment?" asked Ginny curiously. She and Ron stood up beside him and looked at Harry suspiciously.

"You'll see," said Harry cryptically. "Just be there as soon as possible. We are going to need at least a couple of hours."

"Well, then you can count Hermione out," said Ron in frustration. "She won't want to do anything that will take her away from her precious studying that long."

"Trust me, Ron. Once you tell her what Ginny's assignment is, she will be there in a heartbeat."

"Alright, if you say so," said the taller boy, as they followed each other inside the castle.

Approximately half an hour later found the six friends on comfy cushions and couches in front of a large screen TV and a killer sound system. It amazed Harry to no end just how useful the Room of Requirement really could be. Fortunately, everything ran on magic instead of electricity so they didn't have to worry about the set up going haywire from all the magic in the air.

"Where's Blaise?" asked Ron. "I thought you were going to ask him to join us."

"He had a hot study date with some Ravenclaw," replied Draco as he made himself more comfortable on the overly large couch. "Wouldn't tell me who it was."

"Ahhh…." said Hermione smiling. They had all become fond of Blaise as they had gotten to know each other over these last few months. He was just about the only one in Slytherin who still accepted Draco as one of their housemates, and he had been a good friend to him. Especially after all the hell the two had been put through by their peers. They were all glad that he had finally found someone as he had been quick to point out on several occasions that he hated hanging out with them when he was the only single one.

"What's all this?" asked Ginny, eyeing the various food set out before them.

"This is what Muggles eat when they watch a video," said Harry matter-of-factly. "It's tradition."

"Oh," said Ron, helping himself.

In front of them were a giant bowl of popcorn and an assortment of candies. The house elves even managed to find some cans of Coca-Cola for the festive event. Hermione was watching her boyfriend with a disgusted look. Ron was currently grabbing large handfuls of popcorn and stuffing his face. All the while he was eyeing Draco carefully, who was also scowling at him. Although the pair had found a truce when it came to Harry, they were no less civil to each other than necessary. Harry had the distinct impression if they ever found themselves in a room alone that an argument would immediately erupt. Giving each a meaningful look, Harry grabbed the video that Ginny had brought and popped it into the VCR that had magically appeared in the room along with the telly and stereo.

"Oohhh… I'm so excited," said Hermione, biting into a piece of licorice. "I love this movie."

"You've already seen it?" asked Harry.

"Yup. Last summer my Mum and Dad took me to see it," she replied. "It's hilarious."

"What's a moo-vee?" asked Ron, through a mouthful of popcorn.

Draco sighed heavily as if he were annoyed by Ron's question. "Moving pictures… hello… duh!"

Harry grinned and suppressed a giggle that wanted to escape. He knew that Draco had only just learned what a television was when he visited him at the cabin, but he was trying to do his superiority act almost as if he were his old self. It was weird how Ron brought out that side of him.

"Well, I knew that much… we're sitting in front of a felly-physician for Merlin's sake!" said Ron as he threw a piece of popcorn at Draco. The blond eyed the popcorn that had landed on his chest thoughtfully, and then popped in his mouth, crunching the kernel longer than necessary. He smirked as he had somehow won the battle.

Harry was pretty sure that the Weasleys had never seen a television set used before, despite their father's fondness for all things Muggle. Neville looked equally lost about the whole situation. Harry and Hermione caught each other's eye, and quickly covered their mouths to suppress their laughter. It wouldn't be nice to laugh at their friends' ignorance about Muggle things, especially since they were both in their shoes at one time learning about the wizarding world.

"Harry… can we at least get started… it's getting late," said Ginny worriedly.

"Sure, no problem," said Harry as he grabbed the remote control. He turned the telly on, cranked up the surround sound on the stereo, and pressed play on the VCR. He then fast forwarded through the previews and commercials until he found the beginning of the movie. All the while he explained what he was doing as best he could so that Ginny would understand.

Harry and Hermione watched in amusement as their pure-blooded friends stared at the large screen in wonder. Even Draco, who had watched shows with Harry before, still seemed to be amazed.

"It's like a painting… but better," said Neville in awe.

Two gut-busting hours, and several popcorn fights later, Harry was finally able to turn off the movie and rewind the tape. His friend's eyes were still glassy from laughing so hard and they were all smiling merrily.

"That, Ginny, was a movie… did you like it?" Harry asked. He felt quite proud that he was able to expose his friends to something like this. He had never been ashamed of the fact that he was raised as a Muggle, but it certainly didn't get you very far when you are surrounded by a school full of pureblooded wizards who inadvertently look down upon Muggles.

"Yes, that was amazing… Muggles watch this kind of thing often?" she asked.

"All the time… in fact many become couch potatoes!" said Hermione.

"They turn into vegetables? Is that some kind of Muggle magic?" asked Ron seriously.

"Never mind," said Harry laughing at his friend.

"Are all movies always this funny?" said Ginny.

"No… there is quite a variety… kind of like books. In fact some are based on books that Muggle authors have written. They can be funny, suspenseful, romantic, scary, or dramatic," he replied, hoping that he was being helpful.

"Well, this has been lovely, but Ginny still has a paper to write. Thanks everyone for helping her with the assignment!" said Neville, pulling his girlfriend up by the hand to a standing position. They walked out hand in hand to go write their essays.

"No problem," called Ron, who seemed to think that he had played a big role in helping them. Draco looked at him curiously but kept his mouth shut.

Harry collapsed beside Draco on the couch, feeling very content. The blonde's arms wound their way around his boyfriend, pulling him closer. All in all, today was one of the best he had had in a while. He should have known that it wouldn't last for long.

"Well, that was fun," said Hermione. "We should have thought of doing that a long time ago."

"I agree," said Harry. "We need to do this again soon."

They sat in relative silence for a few moments enjoying the comfort of the soft couches and enjoying each others presence.

"Alright, Harry," said Ron finally. "I can't take it anymore. What's going on?"

"W-what do you mean?" Harry stammered in confusion.

"You know what I mean. You have been acting like you wanted to say something to us all day, but haven't. It's like you know something but you aren't letting on," the red head replied truthfully.

"Am I that obvious?" Harry asked his boyfriend. Draco looked at him thoughtfully, and then nodded in agreement.

"So what's up?" asked Ron again.

Harry sighed and ran his hands through his hair a few times, as he often did when he was trying to think of what he wanted to say.

"I had another dream about Sirius last night..." he began. "This time it was his memory about the night at the Shrieking Shack in our third year." Hermione and Ron both shared looks of understanding, but Draco looked completely confused so Harry explained.

"That was the night I met my godfather and learned of his innocence. We found out that Ron's family pet, Scabbers, was really an animagi called Wormtail, a.k.a. Peter Pettigrew… the traitor that gave Voldemort the location of my family's home all those years ago," Harry spat out angrily. "Sirius escaped from Azkaban and came to Hogwarts in order to kill Peter for what he had done. It's kind of a long complicated story, but that's the gist of it."

"I wondered how all of that went down… it's a shame that he didn't kill Pettigrew when he had a chance," said Draco.

"Well… that would be my fault too… I stopped Sirius from killing him so that he could be brought to justice and my godfather's name would be cleared. I had no idea that he would escape and eventually help Voldemort rise to power again."

"Harry…" Hermione said softly. "You were only doing what you thought was right. Don't beat yourself up over things that you can't change."

"Well, I can change something… at least I'm going to try …"

"What do you mean?" asked Draco. Hermione and Ron looked at one another, concern written all over their faces.

"I'm going to bring Sirius back if it's the last thing I do…"

"Oh, Harry…" said Hermione, her eyes filling with tears. "I don't think it's even possible."

"But I have to try… I can't live the rest of my life dreaming his memories and hearing his voice in my head begging for help…"

Draco looked away in frustration, realizing that Harry's suffering was something that as much as he tried, he couldn't help him with. Ron paled and swallowed visibly. Harry wondered if he was thinking about the night he had found Harry slicing his arms to pieces in an attempt to quell the voices in his head. He knew that he could never put his best mate through that again. He took a calming breath to rid his thoughts of Wormtail and tried to focus on the task at hand. He found himself drawing off the good time they had that day and using it for energy to say what he need to next.

"I have found some information about Sirius and the Veil…" Harry began.

"You did! That's great… Was it in the library? Because I swore we checked that place at least a dozen times, but we were never able to find anything," said Hermione.

"That's because we were looking in the wrong places… oh by the way, _I know something you don't know… I know something you don't know_…" Harry said in a sing song voice, as he rose from the couch to fetch his bag from across the room.

"What?" asked Hermione with a bit more attitude than she had intended to use. She hated anyone knowing something she didn't. Her eyes followed Harry across the room has he grabbed what he was looking for.

"Did you know that when you're having difficulty locating information in the library, all you have to do is ask Madame Pince for her reference tome?" asked Harry. He joined the others again, resting the green book he found on his lap. He had decided earlier to bring the book in case he felt like telling the others what he had learned.

"_Reference tome_? I've never heard of that before… and I spend more time in that library than anyone else. I'm sure I would have known about it…" Hermione tried to reason.

"Well, have you ever asked Madame Pince for help before?" asked Harry. Ron smiled at his girlfriend in amusement. He loved the fact that she was getting put in her place for once.

"Well, no… I can almost always find what I'm looking for on my own…"

"Than you can't possibly know about it, because the librarian only lends it to those who ask for help. You know… we wasted a lot of time in there…"

Hermione sat back huffily as she listened with a mixture of curiosity and annoyance to Harry describe how he had used the library's search engine.

"Alright… so you know something I don't, big deal… so what did you find?" she asked in an irritated tone.

"Celtic Mythology," said Harry as he placed the thick green book on the table in front of them.

"_A Wizard's Analysis of Celtic Mythology, by Theodore Waterbane_…" Ron read the cover aloud to the others. "Isn't that some ancient Muggle belief… what does this have to do with the Veil?"

"Yeah… I don't get it…" said Draco.

"I didn't either at first, and I almost didn't give this book a second thought. But it was literally the only book in the library that made reference to the Veil at the Ministry of Magic."

Harry quickly turned to the pages he read so far and explained what he had learned about the two veils. The others listened with fascination as he told how the veils came into existence and where they were said to be located today.

"This is wonderful, Harry… but we still have a lot of unanswered questions," said Draco, trying to sound positive.

"I know, I know… but at least this is something to go on," Harry explained.

"What do you mean exactly? What do you plan to do?" asked Draco.

"I'm not really sure, but I'm going to try to reach that second Veil and bring Sirius back…"

"Harry, I'm usually the first to jump at the opportunity for an adventure, but this sounds really dangerous… Isn't the other veil somewhere off the coast of Ireland? We have no idea how to even go about doing this…" Ron interjected.

"_We?_ I never said anything about any of _you_ going…" Harry said softly.

"You don't honestly think we would let you go alone, do you?" asked Hermione.

"Granger's right Harry… if you are doing this, then we are coming with you…" said Draco.

"NO! This is my fault that this even happened and I will fix it… without you! I couldn't bear it if anything happened to anyone one of you…" Harry said jumping up from the couch. "I'm doing this alone!"

Hermione jumped up to meet him, "No you are not Harry! What you are proposing is dangerous! Have you even thought about telling Remus any of this? What if something happened to you? He wouldn't forgive himself!"

"Hey, settle down," said Draco, stepping between the two. "We don't even know enough information for this mission to even seem like a possibility. Why don't we all wait until Harry knows more information about the veil? We can continue this pointless argument then."

"Pointless?" yelled Ron. "I don't call this argument pointless. Harry is intending on doing something that could possibly get himself killed, and I refuse to stand by and do nothing about it." His face was turning beat red with suppressed anger, clearly showing that he thought he knew better when it came to Harry's welfare than the blond did.

"I agree!" yelled Draco. "Harry knows that we won't let him do this alone… he just has to realize that the only way this will happen is if we come with him…"

"What? Wait… no, I…" Harry tried to explain, but Draco covered his mouth, and whispered in his ear, "_We love you… you stupid git. Don't think for a second we are ever letting you out of our sights again…_"

Harry's eyes watered at the sentiment and he backed down from the argument for the time being. He was just going to have to think of way of doing this without them. The task seemed impossible, however… seeing that they already knew so much about it. Their support about the whole situation had been remarkable. Maybe he needed them more than he thought.

"Alright everyone, calm down. It's been a long day and we are all pretty tired. Why don't we turn in for the night and talk about his when we have had a chance to sleep on it," Hermione offered.

"I don't think I can go to sleep…" Ron moaned.

"Why not?" asked Hermione.

"Well, my body's tired, but I am still feeling pretty wound up. I know if I try to sleep now my mind will be racing all night thinking about everything," said Ron.

"Yeah, me too," Harry admitted. It was nice to know he wasn't the only one who was thinking about another sleepless night.

"I have an idea," said Hermione. "Why don't we go down to the kitchens and get a glass of warm milk. That's what my mum always gave me when I was having trouble sleeping."

"Sounds great!" said Draco. The others looked at him in surprise. "What? I had a house elf that always brought me warm milk when I was little and couldn't sleep…"

"Can we have some cookies too?" asked Ron, as they gathered their things and stepped out into the hallway.

"Do you ever stop eating?" asked Hermione.

"Hey, I'm a growing boy…" Ron said defensively.

A few minutes later the foursome found themselves outside the kitchen doorway. Loud noises were erupting behind the door. Harry looked at the others in alarm.

"Wands out, you reckon?" They nodded and fetched their wands from inside their robes.

Carefully Harry opened the kitchen doorway to find chaos on the other side. Four or five house elves were shrieking as they scrambled around the kitchen desperately trying to clean the mess that the two Slytherins goons were making. Winky was in the corner of the kitchen looking wide-eyed at the scene before her.

"Please sirs," pleaded Dobby. "We can fix you what you like… just don't throw anything else."

"How dare you tell me what to do!" shouted Goyle, who was munching on a cupcake with one hand and knocking pots and pans down with another. "Do you know who I am?"

One of the house elves had just got done filling a tray full of sweets for them on one of the counters, when Goyle ran across the large kitchen to it. The big oaf knocked her out of the way, and began to stuff his face. He was completely unaware that they were being watched.

Crabbe was ransacking one of the cupboards searching for more treats, discarding anything that appeared healthy with a toss over his shoulder. He narrowly missed hitting a couple of house elves, who were still scattering all over the place. A few of them made a dash under the table and were shaking like a leaf at what they were watching. The two large boys were quite menacing despite being utterly brainless.

The four teens in the doorway watched what appeared to be a late night snack that had gone horribly wrong. "Hey!" yelled Harry. "What the hell do you think you are doing?"

"Shut up Potter and get the hell out of here if you know what's good for you!" yelled Goyle, raising his wand at Harry.

"I will not… you have no business coming down here and trashing the kitchens like this. Leave them the hell alone!" he yelled aiming his wand at Goyle.

"Oh look, Crabbe. Potter here is threatening us. And look he brought his friends to help him. He's too scared to face us alone."

"Yeah and he brought his fruity boyfriend… the Slytherin traitor!" said Crabbe.

"Shut up you idiots and get out of here before we hex you into oblivion!" said Draco, standing beside Harry with Ron and Hermione.

"How dare you treat innocent creatures this way…" Hermione began in a fury. She was more opposed to the maltreatment of house elves than anyone else here in school, and seeing this scene was breaking her heart.

Crabbe, knowing that the foursome wasn't going to back down, grabbed Dobby by the throat and hoisted him up into the air. "Come one step closer and I will make sure that this 'innocent creature' wishes that it had never been born!"

"Yeah," said Goyle in agreement. He then began to chase a few of the other house elves who were left so that he could torture one too.

"Eek!" shouted Winky as she disappeared with a loud POP.

"You wouldn't…" Harry muttered through his teeth.

"Oh, wouldn't I? Do you think I'm too stupid? Well, let me assure you that I'm well trained when it comes to the dark arts. Maybe I will just use this house elf here as a test dummy," replied Crabbed aiming his wand at Dobby's throat.

"It's okay sirs… Dobby will be okay…" Dobby replied, urging Harry to leave before something bad happened to him.

"Shut up!" yelled Crabbe, shaking Dobby by the neck. "_CRUC_…." he tried to say.

"_EXPELLARMUS!_" shouted four people at once. The spells hit Crabbe squarely in the stomach causing him to fly across the table and smack into one of the kitchen counters. Dobby landed on his feet and ran towards his saviors hugging them about the knees.

Goyle turned around to find out what had caused all the commotion. He had been oblivious to everything as he chased the rest of the house elves under the table. "_Stupefy!_" yelled Ron, effectively bringing down the other boy. He landed with a heavy thud, a cupcake rolling out of his hand.

"Mr. Weasley!" said a loud voice from behind them. They all turned to find Snape standing in the kitchen doorway with an angry look on his face. Winky, was trying to hide behind his dark robes, away from their piercing stares.

"Professor Snape! You don't understand… Crabbe and Goyle…" Ron began.

"I know…." said Snape holding up his hand to silence them. "Winky came and got me when things got out of hand."

"Severus, they were going to use the cruciatus curse on them…" Draco started to say.

"I know that as well. I saw the whole scene from the doorway…"

"Oh great…" said Ron, thinking that he was getting in trouble.

"I wanted to see how you handled yourselves. As loathe as I am to admit… you did well," said Snape crossing his arms over his chest. There was a look in his eyes for a moment that seemed almost like pride. The professor eyed the damage in the kitchens and saw that the fearful house elves had already begun to come out of their hiding places. Seeing that they weren't in any danger, they used their magic to put their kitchen back as it was.

"What will happen to them sir?" asked Hermione, motioning towards the two unconscious teens. "This is only one of many incidents they have caused this year. I know they were supposedly punished for slipping Draco and Blaise that potion on New Year's, but surely their poor behavior can no longer be tolerated. They have been quite awful to Draco and Harry recently, spreading rumors about them throughout the school. And I know Draco doesn't want to admit it, but most of the Slytherins have been harassing him since the beginning of the year. I'm pretty sure that Crabbe and Goyle have been behind it all since Pansy left."

Draco shot her a dirty look. She knew that he had tried to deal with everything on his own, so that he wouldn't have to always rely on his godfather. Snape gave him a curious look before addressing Hermione's question. Draco hadn't told him everything that had happened this year.

"Thank you for bringing all of this to my attention. These two will be seeing the headmaster momentarily and I can assure you that they will inevitably be expelled. Hogwarts will not condone the practice of dark arts within its walls," the man said darkly.

"Thank you, Professor," said Hermione.

"Professor Dumbledore may wish to speak to you all, but for the time being I think you can all go back to your dormitories to rest. I will ignore the fact that you are all out your houses past curfew, as long as it does not happen again."

"Of course," said Hermione, smiling at their teacher. Harry knew that smile, and could reasonably assume that she knew that this wouldn't be the last time that they broke house rules. How he and Ron had corrupted her so, he would never know.

They watched as the Potions master levitated the two teens out into the hallway and directed them towards Dumbledore's office. His robes billowed softly behind him as he strode purposely down the hall.

"Thank you, thank you… for saving us," said Dobby dramatically, clinging to Harry's robe. "Can I get anything for Harry Potter and his friends?"

"How about some warm milk?" asked Draco. Dobby smiled up at him and tilted his head to the side as if remembering something. The small creature then quickly set off to fetch their glasses of milk. The trio looked at Draco carefully, smiling all the while. "What?" he asked in confusion.

"Was Dobby the house elf that used to bring little Draco his milk?" asked Harry in a playful voice. It was common knowledge among them that Dobby had been rescued from the Malfoys by Harry in their second year.

"Shut up, Harry," said Draco, pushing his boyfriend jokingly.

The friends talked quietly over the milk and cookies and then set off to bed. Harry had thought for sure that he would have difficulty sleeping, after everything that happened that day. It's not everyday you learn about Celtic Gods and duel with Slytherin monsters. But all in all, it was a good day. Harry drifted off to sleep fairly early and found that he slept soundly straight until morning. It's amazing what a little laughter can do to heal the soul.

A/N: Did you like it? I kind of got the idea about the "_two holes in the fabric of our existence were created," _from the movie Poltergeist. Not the words per, but the idea itself. Have you seen it? If you have, then you would know that my reasoning makes some sense. In the movie, there was an entry and exit point between our world and the ghost world. I wanted to set up an adventure, and going to the Ministry didn't really seem plausible or as exciting.

A/N2: Can you guys tell which parts of the Celtic Mythology are legends and which parts I made up. If you can, great! If you can't, even better! I was hoping that the melding of the two ideas would be almost flawless. The answers to all of Harry's questions will be revealed in time.

A/N3: I chose the Jim Carey movie "Liar Liar" because I think it's hilarious and it came out in 1997, which I thought would fit somewhat with the book's time frame. I might be a year or so off, but I don't care. I didn't use the term DVD only because it wasn't as popularly used back then.

**Many thanks to all my reviewers and to my incredible beta Drae!**


	26. Puzzle Pieces

A/N: Hey everyone! My beta finished this chapter so I posted sooner than expected. Oh yeah… by the way… please do not take offense if you're a practicing Wicca as I make light of your holidays. They are actually deeply rooted in Celtic Mythology, and I have twisted them to suit my story. I actually did quite a bit of research before writing these last few chapters so I could remain as close to the true descriptions as possible.

**Chapter 26- Puzzle Pieces**

"C'mon… tell me what your dream was about…" pleaded Harry. The two love birds were currently seated in front of each other on the window seat that spanned the large pane of glass in the Room of Requirement. They sat cross legged with their knees touching.

"They'll be here soon…" said the blonde.

"I don't care… we have plenty of time."

"I never should have told you I had that dream last night. I don't know… I'm still getting used to this whole-opening-up-to-another-person thing…" said Draco crossing his arms over his stomach. Harry liked seeing this vulnerable side of him. It was rare that he ever let his guard down enough for Harry to understand what was going on inside of his head. As close as they had become, Draco was still very guarded about himself in numerous ways.

"Please…" Harry whined. "I've told you about my dreams!"

"That's completely different… they aren't even your memories!" Draco said heatedly. Realizing what he just said, he tried to take it back. "Sorry… that was awful… I didn't mean that." His pale blue eyes darted upward and searched Harry's face for understanding.

Harry sighed deeply and looked away for a moment realizing that Draco wasn't trying to slight him. "I know… it's just that you don't tell me a lot about what you're thinking. We always seem to focus on what _else_ is wrong with me," he said sadly, shrugging his shoulders up to his ears and then letting them fall back in defeat. Harry wasn't so selfish not to realize that Draco probably needed to talk about stuff too.

"It's not like that… I just worry about you with everything going on so it seems stupid to talk about the mundane things going on inside my head…" Draco began.

"Can you at least tell me if it is a good dream or a bad dream?" Harry urged him.

"Oh, it's definitely a _good_ dream," said Draco raising his eyebrows in a characteristic manner. "It always is…"

"Always? You have recurring dreams?" asked Harry. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Yeah, just this one. It's about you. I've been having it since last summer… before you came to the Burrow actually… but it gets longer and longer each time I have it. It's kind of corny really."

"How so?" asked Harry.

"I don't wanna say… I'll sound all girly…" said Draco trying to preserve his pride.

"Please… if it's a good dream about me, then I want to know…" Harry begged again.

"Fine!" said Draco, throwing his hands up in the air. "The dream always starts off the same… It's summer, and you and I are flying on broomsticks across a field, laughing and having fun. You usually try to impress me by making some bold maneuvers on your broom. In the dream, I used to never be able to catch you… but now, when I finally do, we fall to the ground beneath the shade of a tall tree, and we tickle each other endlessly…"

Harry started giggling at this point because Draco's dream did sound pretty girly. It sounded fun too, but he didn't usually think of Draco as being a hopeless romantic as this dream implied. "Okay, I'll stop now… sorry… continue…" he said smiling.

"After we stop laughing, I look into your beautiful green eyes and we start kissing each other softly…"

"Like this…" said Harry as he leaned forward to plant some chaste kisses on Draco's mouth.

"Hmmm… just like that… and then we take off our shirts and I start running my hands over your sweaty body…"

"Like this…" said Harry, as he slipped his hand under Draco's shirt and ran it across his pectoral muscles and around to his back, tracing his spine lightly.

"Mmmhmmm…" said Draco as leaned in for another kiss.

This time Harry parted his lips and allowed the blonde's tongue access to his mouth. They explored each others mouths for a short while, savoring each other's presence. Harry suckled on Draco's upper lip lightly, and breathlessly asked, "What happens next?"

"Well, we start to remove the rest of our clothes and we cuddle up under the tree and lay in the cool grass touching one another…"

"And?" asked Harry expectantly, kissing Draco again firmly on the mouth. He was starting to feel a little hot and bothered by the erotic dream.

"And nothing… I wake up after that…" said Draco, sounding somewhat disappointed.

"Oh… that's a pretty sexual dream Draco…" whispered Harry as he nuzzled Draco's neck.

"No, it's not… It's innocent snogging, I swear…" said Draco, sounding defensive. He always tried not to push Harry into any sexual situation for fear that he might upset him.

"It's okay. I like your dream… even if it is quite sexual. Honestly Draco, did the fact that we are _flying_ on _broomsticks_ completely elude you?" asked Harry, tracing Draco's jaw line with soft kisses. There had been a long-standing joke in the wizarding world that the reason why Quidditch was such a popular sport was the fact that broomsticks had inadvertently become phallic symbols. Players who were the best "riders" were said to be good in bed as well.

"What? You're saying that… Oh… I get it…hee-hee…" Draco giggled. "Can't blame a boy for his raging hormones now can you?"

"Nope…" said Harry, capturing Draco's lips again with his own. Their arms went around each other; bringing their bodies closer together as they kissed. Draco began to run his hands through Harry's messy black hair, stopping periodically to twirl a silky strand between his fingers. So involved they were in their ministrations that neither heard the door open.

Ron and Hermione entered the room and set their things down at the table, completely missing the two boys sitting in the corner by the window. "Looks like their not here yet, Ron... I don't see… Oops," said Hermione, finally catching sight of the two boys.

Upon seeing their friends enter the room, Harry and Draco flew apart and started straightening themselves out. Harry's hair was messier than ever, and both of their mouths were red and swollen.

"Uh… we can come back," said Ron, turning away from the scene quickly.

"No, it's okay. We planned to meet to here study anyway. We got here a bit early and just… uh… got carried away," said Harry. He could see now why Ginny had forgotten to do her assignment for Muggle Studies. Being intimate with the one you love had way of making you lose total sense of space and time.

"I see that," said Hermione smiling. "If you're sure…"

Harry nodded quickly and went to go find his bag of school supplies. He found it with Draco's lying beside the couch. He carried both to the large table that had appeared, and handed the blonde his bag of things.

"We need to start locking that door…" said Draco groaning. This was the second time they had been caught in a compromising situation in this room. Harry laughed at his boyfriend's disappointment. He would really rather be kissing Draco somewhere else, but they all had a big test coming up in Defense Against the Dark Arts this week. Remus had recently been piling on the required reading in addition to the practical application they studied in class.

"I thought we would start by reviewing each others' notes and seeing if anyone wrote something down that the rest of us missed that might be helpful…" Hermione began.

As usual, Hermione's notes had spanned several long parchments, and she truly thought that everything she wrote was important to remember. Draco and Harry, on the other hand, had written comparable amounts on one sheet of parchment each and felt that Hermione was had gone a bit overboard writing down everything Professor Lupin had said.

Ron had taken considerably less notes than the other three and was scrambling to copy some of the information from his girlfriend. The red head seemed to have a hard time figuring out what he should take notes on in class. Even transferring information from Hermione's paper to his own, was a tedious chore. He was incredibly smart and was known as being somewhat of a strategist, but the poor boy always seemed to get lost in his own thoughts during class. Harry had known Ron for a long time now, and part of him suspected that his friend had what was called learning disability. Unfortunately, it wasn't something Harry knew how to help with, and as far as he knew the wizarding world did not address learning difficulties in the slightest. So he helped him muddle through the best he could.

They studied DADA for nearly an hour when they all decided to move onto something else. Hermione pulled out her arithmancy notes, while Draco began reading a book called _Most Potente Potions_ he had borrowed from Snape while chewing on the end of his quill thoughtfully. Ron had settled for practicing transfiguration, his best subject, in one corner of the room. Harry decided to skip studying all together. Instead, he began to research more information on the mysterious veils he had learned about in the book he had borrowed from Madam Pince.

Harry opened the book on Celtic Mythology and used the index again to find another set of pages that made reference to the veil. What he found was a two page layout describing two of the eight major holidays in the Celtic belief system. Harry recognized them both, as they were dates that witches and wizards also celebrated. He never really understood the significance of them before, not that he really cared to pay much attention. He found himself feeling intrigued as he glanced at the black and white illustrations on each page.

On the left was a description of the festival of Samhain. The illustration below it showed a picture of a family communicating to the ghosts of their ancestors. Thinking back on his own upbringing, Harry remembered that Halloween had its origins in this ancient festival. A school teacher he once had while living with the Dursleys explained that long ago people believed that demons could walk the earth on the eve of Samhain. In order to ward off these evil spirits, people wore scary masks and built large fires in hopes of protecting their loved ones. Over time, the practice evolved into the ritual of trick or treating that is common today.

On the right side was a description of the festival of Beltane. Below it was a picture of a Maypole, and several men and women dancing around the tall structure, intertwining the ribbons than hung from the top of the pole in an intricate pattern. Each person wore a wreath of flowers on their head. Staring at the upright wooden pole, Harry wondered for a moment if the Maypole weren't also a phallic symbol. Draco's dream was still fresh in his memory. Trying to hide his smirk from the others, Harry set about reading the two short descriptions.

_**Samhain**_

_Samhain was the New Year to Muggle Celts. In the Celtic belief system, turning points, such as the time between one day and the next, the meeting of sea and shore or the turning of one year to the next were seen as magical times. During Samhain, (October 31st) it was believed the veil between the worlds was thinnest, and the living could communicate with the dead. A great Pagan feast on November 1st usually took place during this time, celebrating the New Year and the arrival of the cold season._

_Oddly enough, this time of year is also a special occasion for witches and wizards, and we celebrate similarly to our Muggle brethren. Large celebrations are held during this auspicious time of the year and ancestors are remembered._

Harry looked down at the page in dismay. The book had made another reference to the veil, but it wasn't anything that he didn't know before. He was looking more for an actual location of the veil or perhaps a time frame in which he should begin his journey. He continued reading the information that followed on the next page.

_**Beltane**_

_Beltane is the great spring holiday of the Goddess, and is the last of the three spring fertility festivals and the second major Celtic festival. Beltane, and its counterpart Samhain, divide the year into two seasons, Winter and Summer. Beltane is celebrated on the first of May, and is commonly known as May Day. A popular activity around this time is dancing around a May Pole, intertwining colorful ribbons representing love, prosperity, friendship and peace. Celts believe that the Goddess herself will slide down the May Pole and consummate the marriages that take place on this special day._

_Beltane literally means "fire of Bel." On the eve of Beltane, the Celts used to build two large fires and drove their herds between them. This ritual celebrated the return of life and fruitfulness to the earth. As Samhain is about honoring Death, Beltane, its counter part, is about honoring Life. Beltane, like Samhain, is a time of "no time" when the veils between the two worlds are at their thinnest. Celts believed that when the veils are so thin it is an extremely magical time. It is said that that the Queen of the Faeries rides out on her white horse trying to entice people away to the faeryland. (See pages 245-247 to learn more about the Muggles' understanding of Faeries)._

At first, Harry felt frustrated. This wasn't helpful at all! The book didn't give the location of the second veil like he had expected, and it wasn't like he could just go search the southwest coast of Ireland looking for the elusive island. There were probably hundreds of islands in that given region. How would he know which one contained the veil? Glancing back at the book's index, he realized that he had run out of information. He had already read everything the book had to offer on the two veils.

Feeling somewhat discouraged, he reread the two passages again and then froze. There was at least one piece of information contained within the text that could be helpful. He had overlooked it the first time. "_Beltane, like Samhain, is a time of "no time" when the veils between the two worlds are at their thinnest." _The more Harry thought about it, the more he realized that maybe this section had answered at least one of his questions in regards to when he should begin his mission. The festival of Beltane would be here in one month! Trying to contact or possibly save Sirius when the veils were at their "thinnest" seemed to be the answer. And there was no way Harry could wait until the end of October to do this.

Excited by the prospect of saving Sirius, Harry searched the page again and made sure that he didn't miss anything. He even studied the illustrations to look for hidden clues. It was then that he noticed that someone else had scrawled a quick note in the margin at the bottom of the page.

"_Very interesting… I hadn't thought about an ideal time of year to perform the spell!" LP_

The initials by the note said LP! Could it stand for _Lily Potter_? Harry knew that his mother had done extensive research on ancient magic, but was it possible that she had used this very same book? He traced her words with his fingers when he remembered something. Harry suddenly stood up very quickly, causing his chair to fly backwards and hit the wall behind him.

"Harry? What is it?" asked Draco, as he pulled the quill he had been chewing away from his mouth.

"Did you learn something new?" asked Hermione, eyeing the green book he was holding in his hands.

"I think so…" said Harry. He placed his finger in the book to save the page he was on and closed the book around it. He then righted his chair and began walking towards the door.

"Where you goin', mate?" asked Ron.

"I need to check something out… I'll be back in a few minutes…" said Harry in a rush.

"Do you want us to come with you?" asked Draco, looking concerned.

"No… it's alright… I'll be back in a jiffy…" said Harry. He opened the door of the Room of Requirement and stepped out into the hallway. Seeing that no one was coming his way, he proceeded to run all the way back to his dormitory. He quickly gave the password to the painting of the Fat Lady, and rushed across the common room, up the stairs, and into the boys' dormitory.

Seamus and Dean were just headed out of their room when he came barging in. "You okay, there, Harry?" asked Dean.

"Yeah… just forgot something in my trunk that's all…" he said, trying to catch his breath.

"Alright then… See ya, later," said Seamus, as the two friends walked out of the room.

He was grateful to find that he was now alone in his dorm room. Harry grabbed his mother's journal from his trunk and lay down on the bed with green book he had brought with him and opened it to the correct page. He glanced quickly down at the bottom to make sure the words hadn't disappeared or anything, and turned his attention to his mother's journal. All the while he had been running up here, part of him wondered if he hadn't dreamt the whole thing up. He was greatly relieved that he hadn't.

Since he had received the remarkable gift from Snape at Christmas, Harry had not had many opportunities to truly read through it carefully. With the Death Eater attack on the Burrow, the events of New Years Eve, and the time he spent at Remus's, he really hadn't given it a second thought. Harry felt somewhat guilty that he had neglected a gift as precious as this, and he made himself promise that he would read it cover to cover at the next available opportunity. For now, he needed to stay focused on the task at hand. He opened up the old, battered leather journal and briefly reread the inscription on the first page.

_Defense Against the Dark Arts  
Research and Notes  
By Lily Evans Potter_

_My hope is that one day my research will be invaluable  
in defeating the Dark Lord. The ancient texts hold many answers  
to our questions and we are only now realizing how important this  
ancient magic can be. Let the light prevail!_

Harry was once again amazed to learn that his mother was responsible for this important and dangerous research. She seemed so passionate about her work, and he wished that he had gotten a chance to know her. She was so special in so many ways. It was a shame that she was never able to complete her research and publish it in a book. Harry thought that maybe some day he could do it for her, as a tribute to saving his life and to preserve her memory. The fact that it even survived the rubble of Godric's Hollow, and that Death Eaters hadn't found it was amazing. He knew he had Snape to thank for that.

He thumbed through the pages, skimming the contents of each one, looking for something that may be helpful in saving Sirius. Lily Potter seemed to be adept in many areas of magic, but she primarily focused on spells and potions in her work. Most of the information Harry had found were on ancient protection spells that wizards could use against the unforgivable curses. A few looked fairly easy to master, and Harry thought that he should bring them up with Remus to see if he might want to incorporate them in his lessons. A lot of her work seemed to make references to the use of blood magic.

Harry found the Solara Amicus spell that Draco had used last Halloween, and again read the notation that Snape had added before he gave Harry the journal. He also found a spell that he thought his mother might have used the night that she was killed so long ago. She made references to the love between a mother and a child and had written a series of ancient magical incantations. Unfortunately, the information seemed incomplete as the ingredients for a potion she also made reference to were still experimental at the time she wrote the entry. There was no way to know for sure if the potion she was working on ever worked, or if this was the magic she had used to save her child's life.

Harry skimmed through several more entries until he came across an illustration that made his breath catch in his throat. Right there, in his mother's journal was a rough sketch of the Veil done in her own hand. Below it were the following words:

_My husband is an auror so I would often visit him while at work in order to gain access to the library in his department. I became thoroughly intrigued when I was one day taken to a room in the Ministry of Magic that housed an archway that was covered with a tattered Veil. Mysterious voices could be heard whispering behind the black cloth, and I became enamored with learning more about it. I have yet to discover what the ancient runes mean that are carved around the archway, but I have made some progress in learning more about its origins. (See Analysis of Celtic Mythology by Theodore Waterbane in Hogwarts library)._

Harry's heart was beating loudly in his chest as he continued to read his mother's handwriting on the following page. Why hadn't he read any of this before? This seemed to be everything he was looking for.

_I knew from my research that the veil is only one of two in existence, and that long ago it was used to punish criminals. Maybe we can detain Voldemort this way if there isn't a way to defeat him. The Ministry has fortunately granted me access to the restricted section of their library, and I was able to find out that there was a way to retrieve lost souls that may have fallen through the veil by accident or were wrongfully accused. It appears that ancient wizards also felt the same hesitation I feel about sending a soul to Limbo if there was any lingering doubt of their innocence. As the practice of using the veil as a prison became obsolete, so did the information about its origins. Only a handful of texts make reference to it, and most are behind lock and key at the Ministry._

Harry read the next few pages carefully as Lily Potter described in detail the potion that must be brewed on site, and how it should be poured into some type of stone basin in front of the archway. Then he read about the incantation that is uttered in order to call forth the lost soul you are looking for. The final step in completing the process is the addition of a blood sacrifice from a loved one to the potion. Apparently, it helped the lost soul in reanimating their lost body.

"This is it… This is it… Oh my gods… this is it…" said Harry jumping up and down on the bed on his hands and knees. He soon stopped his childish playing and lay back on his bed thinking about everything that he had just read.

There couldn't have possibly been a way for Harry to learn all of this on his own. The Ministry certainly wouldn't have allowed a Hogwarts student to use the restricted section of their library, and he couldn't think of any other way he would have found this information without his mother's help.

He closed his eyes and said prayer in his heart for his mother, wherever she was. Did she have any idea when she began her research that it would become so important in Harry's life? She saved him when he was only one year old, and exactly fifteen years later her research helped him again when Draco used the Solara Amicus spell. And now he would use her research to help save Sirius from his horrible fate. Sirius… _Wait a minute, where is the second veil? _He thought wildly. Harry turned back to his mother's notes, skimming frantically for the missing piece of information. In one corner of the journal he found a notation that seemed to be an afterthought.

_The location of the veil off the southwest coast of Ireland still remains hidden to me at this time._

"Shit!" said Harry aloud. He had everything he needed, but the location of the second veil. He might have to do this at the Ministry of Magic after all. "Shit! Shit! SHIT!"

He grunted aloud in frustration. Desperately trying to think of what he should do next. Glancing at his watch, he realized that he had been gone almost half an hour now. Knowing that his friends were probably concerned about him, he made his way slowly back to the Room of Requirement. He was in an almost trancelike state as he thought about what he had just read. He carefully placed his mother's journal on top of the mythology book, and pressed both against his chest as if he were carrying precious cargo.

Upon reaching the hidden room, he opened the door and found the three of them turn their heads to stare at him anxiously. "You were gone quite a while… what's going on?" asked Draco. The blond rose from where he was sitting and met Harry halfway across the room.

"I got sick of studying so I began to do some more research on the veil. I learned something new…" said Harry softly.

"Really? What?" asked Hermione, as she and Ron walked up behind Draco.

Harry was beginning to feel a little cornered, so he ignored the question and went to gather the things he left behind earlier. Setting the Celtic book and his mother's journal on the table for a moment, he grabbed his quill, ink, study notes, and a few large textbooks and shoved them into his shoulder bag.

"Harry… you promised not to keep this a secret…" Draco chastised in an irritated manner. "Why are you so quiet?"

Harry sighed deeply as he hoisted the enormously heavy bag onto his shoulder, but still said nothing. Using his wand, he cast a feather weight charm on it, and shifted the bag into a more comfortable position. It was then that he noticed Ron looking quizzically at the old leather bound journal on the table.

"What's this?" asked the redhead, as he reached for the odd little book.

"No, don't…" said Harry, grabbing it quickly before Ron could even touch it. He pressed it firmly to his chest as if to hide it from prying eyes. Ron took a step back, bewildered by Harry's strange possessive behavior. "Sorry… it's just that…" Harry began to explain.

"It's your mother's research isn't it?" asked Ron. "I remember Snape giving it to you at the Burrow, but I haven't seen it since."

"Yeah," said Harry nodding. He glanced down to look at the precious journal in his hands. "Actually… that's why I left earlier. I discovered that my mum had used this myth book in her research and I wanted to check her journal to see if she mentioned the veil at all."

"How did you know she used the myth book?" asked Hermione, looking somewhat confused.

Harry thought about her question, and a smirk, not unlike Draco's signature trademark, was soon plastered on his face. "She committed an awful crime Hermione…" he said sarcastically, watching her facial features. "She wrote in a book…. and then signed her initials…"

Hermione put her hand up to her chest in shock, her mouth and eyes open wide. She truly looked horrified at the thought. "I can't believe Lily would have done such a thing," she replied. Books were treasures to Hermione, and the mere thought of writing in a book or dog earring a page was sacrilegious to her. Harry and Ron learned that the hard way during their first year when they were caught flattening a book they were reading so that it would stay open. Hermione screamed that they were breaking the binding on the book and used a spell to fix it that she had found for that purpose. He would never forget the lecture they got about the proper way to handle books after that.

"Well, she did…" said Harry confidently.

Draco and Ron rolled their eyes at Hermione's behavior, before returning their glare at Harry. The three waited quietly for more answers. Seeing that Harry wasn't going to say anything, Draco said, "Well, did your mum's journal reveal anything?" He seemed to be really curious about the journal's contents, especially since he had first learned of it before Harry knew of its existence.

Knowing that he couldn't outright lie to the one that he loved Harry said, "Yes, in fact she described the veil in great deal. Apparently she gained access to the Ministry's library while my father was an auror, and she did a lot of research there. I-I would rather not say r-right now what I learned…" It wasn't that he didn't want the others to know; it was just that Harry was still determined to do this on his own if possible, and the less the others knew, the better off he would be.

"Alright," said Hermione. "But don't keep this a secret to yourself for too long, okay?"

"Yeah, sure," said Harry. He turned to leave again, when he felt a hand on his elbow.

"And where do you think you're going?" asked Draco.

"The library, actually. Why?"

"I'm going with you…" said Draco. When he saw the look Harry gave him, he whispered, "Maybe we can sneak a kiss behind the stacks."

"You don't give up, do you?" asked Harry, waiting by the door with a smile.

"Nope!" said Draco as he grabbed his things.

"So, what are we doing here?" asked the taller boy, walking a bit too close for comfort.

"You'll see…"

"What does that mean?"

"You'll see…" said Harry, ignoring the scowl Draco had just made He walked up to Madame Pince's desk and said hello. The librarian turned to look his way, surprised by the friendly greeting. Seeing that it was Harry, come to ask for her help again, a smile crossed her face that made her look a few years younger. Harry suspected that she didn't really interact with many people, and she seemed sad and lonely. It was a pity, really. She seemed to be such a caring person. He was surprised he hadn't noticed it before.

"Well, hello Mr. Potter… Mr. Malfoy… what can I do for you?" asked the librarian, rising from her seat and straightening her robes.

"Well, you were so helpful before, I was wondering if you can help me locate some information again," said Harry politely.

"It would be my pleasure… do you wish to use the reference tome again?" she asked, fetching it from behind her desk.

"Actually, I just need to look at some maps of Ireland please," said Harry. Nodding, she put her precious tome back in its resting place.

"Does this have to do with your sudden interest in Celtic Mythology?" she asked, as she came out from behind her desk and walked across the large library.

"Actually it does…" said Harry following the librarian, trying to match her brisk pace. As usual, there weren't many other students in the library at this time of day. Just a few Gryffindors and some Ravenclaws scattered about the room.

"Here we are," Madam Pince said. She lifted a large atlas from one of the lower bookshelves along the windows and placed it on a large table. She then pulled her wand from beneath her robes and cast a banishing spell on the thick layer of dust covering the book. A plume of smoky gray particles filled the air for a moment before dissipating completely. "Sorry about that… this atlas hasn't been used in quite some time. I'm afraid that Hogwarts doesn't teach geography so it doesn't get a lot of use."

"Thanks," said Harry sitting down in front of the huge book, and motioning Draco to join him.

"Is there anything else I can do for you?" she asked sweetly.

"Um… I'm not sure… If I find something that's important… is there a way to make a copy of it?" asked Harry. He was thinking back to the copy machines his Muggle teachers had used when he was younger. It would be quite handy to actually have a map with him when he set out on his mission.

"Sure…" she said. "Just let me know when you're ready." She left the two boys alone and returned to the information desk.

"What's the atlas for?" asked Draco, looking slightly bored as he propped his elbow on the table and rested his chin on his hand.

"I'm looking for the location of the second veil…" said Harry as he struggled to turn the large pages.

"How do you know that it will be on a map?" the blond asked.

"I don't… but I thought it would be worth a try."

Locating the maps he needed ended up being a difficult task. The large book was filled with hundreds of maps, and finding what he needed took longer than expected. He found a few maps of Great Britain. Some showed the topography of the region, and others showed landmarks and major cities. He decided that he would probably need a map of major landmarks and cities so that he would be able to navigate across the small countries to reach his destination. Since he couldn't apparate or create a portkey, (not that he really wanted to), it seemed that flying was the only way to go.

He continued to search the large maps until he found one of only Ireland. There wasn't a lot of detail on the map, and Harry struggled to find a single name of any of the islands that dotted mainland Ireland's coast.

Glancing upwards, Harry realized that Draco had disappeared somewhere. He craned his neck in either direction, but didn't see the blond anywhere. Madam Pince took his actions as an indication that he needed help of some kind, so she cautiously approached him.

"Would you like to make any copies?" shed asked, carrying with her several rolls of parchment.

"Yes, please," said Harry, pointing out the maps of Great Britain and the one of Ireland he desired. He watched bemusedly as the witch used her wand to cast a charm that allowed her to transfer the image in the book onto a sheet of parchment.

Seeing the two copies she had created for him, Harry got an idea. "Is there a way to… blow up… or kinda zoom in… on a section of a map, so that it is larger and easier to see?"

"Hmmm… I have never tried that before. What section of the map do you want to enlarged?" she asked.

"The southwest coast of Ireland, please," said Harry, hoping the she wouldn't start getting suspicious about his reasons for needing that section of the map.

"Let's see…I think I can… yes…" she said as she traced a square around the southwestern portion of the map with her wand and then used the same spell as before. This time she transferred the image to a smaller piece of parchment. Harry was about to protest that he needed a larger copy when she smiled and said, "ENGORGIO!"

The small map began to grow until it was practically the size of the other maps. Harry looked down excitedly to see that several smaller islands with their names beside them had now appeared on the map. "Thank you!" he said.

"Sure, let me know if I can assist you in any other way."

Harry sat down again, studying his personalized map. He searched through many of the islands, looking for something that may indicate where the veil was hidden. There didn't seem to be any symbols or anything to go on, so Harry started by reading the name of the islands that map depicted. Some were fairly large, others were down right tiny. _Aran_ _Islands,_ _Great Blasket Island, Valencia Island, Dursey Island, Bear Island, Clear Island, Donn_ _Island_…Wait a minute! _Donn_ _Island!_

_This has to be it_, Harry thought to himself as his heart began to pound with anticipation. _The veil was said to be on an island off the southwest coast of Ireland, and that Donn had created it. And here is an island called Donn__Island. This can't merely be a coincidence!_

All the pieces of the puzzle slid into place, and Harry could now see the bigger picture. With a clear sense of where he was going, a time frame in which to do it, and the means with which to revive Sirius in his hands, Harry felt elated with joy. The sense of purpose that coursed through his veins was invigorating. He carefully rolled up the three maps and placed them in his bag. He then closed the atlas and returned it to its proper shelf.

Since Draco had yet to return, he set about looking for him in the stacks. He found the blond a short while later, pouring through a potions book in the middle an aisle way. Harry knew he had not yet seen him, so he tiptoed toward him as quietly as possible.

When he was as close as he dared to get, he reached up and planted a strawberry kiss on the back of Draco's neck. Startled, Draco threw the book in the air and whirled around, grabbing his wand. Harry laughed at the bewilderment on his boyfriend's face.

"Oh… you are _so_ going to pay for that…" said Draco. Neglecting to put back the book that had fallen on the floor, the blond began to chase Harry through the stacks at the back of the library.

Harry was feeling rather giddy after his recent discovery, and decided to play along. Never before had he ever so carefree. He dodged back and forth, in and out of the stacks, just one step ahead of his boyfriend. That is until Harry ran into a dead end. Seeing no where else to go, he spun around and faced his pursuer giggling wildly. Draco was approaching him steadily, his fingers wiggling as if he were about to attack him.

"No… don't tickle me… I'll do anything…" he pleaded playfully as the fingers began to touch his sensitive skin.

"Anything? Really?" said Draco, as he paused to ponder the thought. "How about we go outside and re-enact my dream?"

"Draco…" said Harry. "I hardly think that sexual encounters on school grounds are permissible."

"Well, how about I just attack you in the school library then?" asked Draco, pushing Harry up against the stacks and capturing his lips in a kiss.

Harry felt very weak in the knees as his mouth was attacked by Draco's, and he was grateful that he at least had the book shelf behind him to hold him up. He suddenly felt very needy and slightly bold. Grabbing the taller boy by the shoulders, he spun them around so that he was now the dominant one of the pair. As their passionate kissing increased, Harry pressed his straining groin up against Draco's thigh and moaned appreciatively at the stimulation it caused. He could also feel Draco's growing member through the fabric of their robes. Taking his cues from Harry, Draco reached a tentative hand around to grab Harry's bottom.

Unfortunately, for the second time that day, and perhaps the third time that month, Harry and Draco were caught unaware as they continued to snog one another.

"Ahem…" said a voice from behind.

"You have got to be _kidding_ me!" said Draco angrily as he stood up to his full height.

Harry wheeled around, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand to see who had approached them. Lavender Brown was the last person he had expected to see.

"Hi," she said, as she leaned sideways against one of the stacks.

"Hi," said Harry, feeling rather sheepish at the moment. He was positive that he was now bright red with embarrassment. "Sorry… Are we in your way?"

"Nope… You dropped your book, Draco… I thought that you might want it back," said Lavender, holding out the book that he had discarded earlier. Harry wondered if she had been watching them all along.

"Oh… thanks," Draco muttered, as he stepped forward to take the book. Harry knew he probably didn't have any intention of checking the book out. He had most likely used it to cross reference the book he was reading earlier.

"Sorry to disturb you two…" she said in a giggly voice. "But for the record… I think you two are absolutely adorable together. Don't listen what anyone else says, okay?"

Harry nodded dumbly, not knowing what to say in return. He peeked around the corner after she left, and made sure that no one else was coming. He turned back around to see his very red faced boyfriend.

"She has some nerve!" said Draco, looking quite angry.

"What? What do you mean?" asked Harry.

"She as the audacity to say we look 'absolutely adorable together' and not to listen what others say, when she has been helping to spread the gossip about us around school!"

"You're right. She was… but I think she might have stopped now. At least it's one less person against us."

"Yeah, right! People don't change! She just wanted to ogle Potter and Malfoy snogging so she can go blab it to everyone else," he said, crossing his arms with the book still in one of his hands.

"You're kidding right? People don't change?" Harry asked in disbelief.

"Well, no, generally they don't."

Harry gave him a knowing look and then smiled. "I think people can change their ways, if they really want to."

"What are you implying?" asked Draco, as Harry stepped closer.

"Just that you… my dear Draco… are much different from the annoying git that used to torment me and my friends for nearly five years."

"So, _I've_ changed… is that it…" said Draco looking defensive.

"In the best ways possible," said Harry, placing a gentle kiss on his already swollen lips. Draco moaned pitifully when Harry took his lips away.

"I swear I'm going to whisk you away someday, so that I will finally have the chance to get you alone without being interrupted," he whispered into Harry's hair, as he pulled him into an embrace.

"That sounds nice…"

"Hey, did you find what you were looking for in those maps?" asked Draco, suddenly remembering what they had came for.

"Yes, but I would rather not discuss that right now…"

"Why not? Planning on keeping that a secret as well?" he asked in an irritated tone.

_Yes!_ Harry thought. "No, it's just that I had something else in mind right now," said Harry.

"What's that?"

"Finding someplace quiet where we can be alone…"

"I think the Room of Requirement may still be occupied by Granger and the Weasel," said Draco, his eyes now shining with desire.

"I don't care where we go, just as long as we aren't interrupted …" said Harry kissing Draco again.

"You have no idea what you do to me…let's go!" Draco took Harry by the hand as they quickly made their way out of the library.

A/N: I know, you are all probably yelling at your computer screens for not writing about Harry and Draco snogging more, but I thought that they might need a little privacy. (LOL) Anyway, these last two or three chapters were needed to set up the ending of this story. Sorry if they were a bit on the dry side. The next four or five chapters should be a little more exciting. I'm starting to think that there is a bit of Hermione in me. I treat books that same way she does! Or maybe there is a bit of me in the Hermione in my story.

**Many thanks to all my reviewers and my beta Drae!**


	27. Cast me gently into morning

A/N: I have been listening to a lot of Sarah McLachlan lately, so I used a line from her song _Answer_ on the _Afterglow_ album as the title of this chapter. It touched me so much; I couldn't get it out of my head until I used it in some way.

**Chapter 27- Cast me gently into morning, for the night has been unkind…**

An early afternoon Quidditch practice had sent Harry straight to the showers of his dormitory to soothe his sore muscles. They had begun to practice much more frequently now that the weather had gotten a bit warmer, and their captain seemed intent on utilizing every free moment that the team could take advantage of. There was only one match left in the season and a victory would bring the Gryffindor's that much closer to winning the house cup.

After spending a good twenty minutes under the pounding hot spray of the shower, Harry toweled off and dressed quickly. He wanted to write down some of the things down he had been thinking about all day before he had to go to dinner. It was surprising how much clearer things seemed when they were written down on paper.

Flopping down upon his bed, Harry grabbed his journal from his trunk and a pen. Although he used a quill almost exclusively for his homework assignments, he had taken to using Muggle pens while he wrote in his journal. They were much less messy and he enjoyed writing in blue, instead of the oppressing blackness of his ink well that his professors required of them. It sounds stupid really, but it made him feel much more cheerful.

_Dear Journal,_

_With our final Quidditch match coming up, it seems like we're practicing harder than ever. Oliver would be proud how the team has progressed this year. Ron is turning out to be a pretty fair Keeper and Ginny is amazing as our Chaser. I never would have thought when I first met her that behind her petite frame lay the body of an athlete._

_Everything is going well in my classes too. I have no real complaints about schoolwork this year other than there is a lot of it. Although it certainly helps not having to worry about taking a major test this year. There is only one thing that seems to be on my mind lately… and that's Sirius._

_I'm a bit nervous about leaving to save Sirius in a couple of days. I haven't had a lot of time to plan everything between Quidditch practice and my studies, so I hope that I have covered all the bases. I have my mother's journal and the maps I found in the library. I even remembered to bring my compass that came with my broom kit. And I have Dobby preparing me a bunch of food that I will take with me. I didn't like doing it, but I had to lie and tell him that I was going on a picnic with my friends so that he wouldn't be suspicious. I hope that it will be enough. I'm also bringing an extra change of clothes. I have no idea what Sirius will need when he comes back through the veil so it's the best I can do. And of course I will bring my invisibility cloak. I'm going to shrink all these things, along with my cauldron and potion supplies, and place them in my shoulder bag. I finally have all the ingredients that I need for the potion as well. What I didn't have in my potions kit, I was able to buy through owl mail from the local apothecary. It was fortunate that none of the ingredients were restricted, or I might have had to have another go at Snape's potions chest._

_As the date April 29th approaches I grow more and more anxious. I plan on leaving in the evening and traveling most of the next day so that I make it in time for Beltane. What if the spell doesn't work? What if I make the potion wrong? What if I run into Death Eaters or Dementors along the way? I'm praying that my dragon charm will be enough to warn me of danger I guess there is no way to know the answers to these questions so I can only hope to do the best that I can._

_Draco and the others are starting to get pretty suspicious about the whole ordeal. I find myself ignoring their questions, and when I can't avoid them any longer I side step the truth by saying that I don't know enough right now to share anything with them. There is still a deep pain in my chest over the loss of Sirius, and I think my friends can somehow sense that his death is still a difficult topic for me. They are so petrified that they might trigger me to cut again that they don't even push the issue with me anymore. I know I'm taking advantage of their friendship, but I don't want them knowing about what I'm going to do._

_As odd as it sounds, it felt wonderful to hear Ron and Draco fighting over my well being a few weeks ago. I felt loved despite their bickering. They both mean well, and I know they are truly worried about me, but I can't bear to put anyone else in danger. It's bad enough that I lost Sirius. I couldn't stand it if anything happened to my friends. I'm the one that has made mistakes. I'm the one who is going to fix this._

_As awful as I feel about keeping my friends in the dark, I feel even worse about hiding everything from Remus. He has been so supportive about everything this year and I feel like I'm betraying his trust. Part of me wants to tell him what I have learned, but something tells me that he shouldn't know. I don't want to get his hopes up thinking I can bring Sirius back when I really don't know what the hell I'm doing. I feel like I'm winging this entire "mission" every step of the way._

_Harry_

Just as he finished his entry, Ron stepped into the room and walked across to his bed. Though he was fully dressed, his hair was still a bit wet. He used the towel he had with him to continue drying his hair.

"Hey," said Harry rising from his bed to return his journal back where it belonged.

"Hey yourself," said Ron smiling down at him. "Great practice, wasn't it?"

Harry nodded in agreement. "You were bloody brilliant out there, Harry. I don't know if it's possible, but your flying skills have really improved," said Ron.

"Thanks…er… you too…" said Harry. He never knew how to react to compliments and they made him feel uncomfortable.

Harry then found himself in front of the dorm's mirror. He ran a comb through his hair trying to make some semblance of peace with it, but his messy locks refused to obey. They were still sticking out every which way defiantly.

"It's not going to work," the mirror said softly. Scowling at his appearance, Harry turned away from the mirror.

His gaze instantly found Ron sitting on his bed looking at him strangely. "What? I know my hair is a wreck… what do you expect me to do about it?" he asked, good-naturedly.

"It's not that…" said Ron.

"Then what?" asked Harry. "You're staring at me as if I have three heads."

"I'm worried about you… you've been all secretive lately… like last time…" said Ron, almost in a whisper. His blue eyes were soft with concern and his body language suggested a determined air about him, like he had given this conversation a lot of thought already. Harry knew from the expression on his best mate's face that he was thinking about when he found him bloodied on the bathroom floor. Ron's unwavering friendship was still amazing.

"I'm fine," he replied, trying to sound as convincing as possible. He was feeling a lot better than he had in a long while. Things were seemingly going his way for once.

"You always say that… you seem okay, but I just feel like you're keeping something from us …"

Harry didn't say anything as he looked away. He felt awful about keeping all the information he had learned from his mother's journal to himself, but he didn't want to drag Ron or anyone else into his problems anymore. They had already done so much for him.

"You know you can tell me anything Harry… what are you keeping from us… Is this about Sirius?" he asked as he stood up, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Listen, I don't want to talk about it… not right now…"

Ron looked like he wanted to say something more, but didn't. Instead he stood in front of the door in an attempt to block Harry's passage.

"I'm not letting you off that easy, Harry. What's going on? What's with all the owl packages you've been getting? Why are you being so secretive?"

Ignoring him once again, Harry took a small step left… then right, but Ron still blocked his path. "I don't want to talk about it right now!" Harry yelled.

"Why not? What are you hiding?" he yelled back. Ron could be quite stubborn when he wanted to be.

"Nothing!" Harry replied in an exasperated voice.

"Then why are you avoiding my questions! Harry, I'm worried about you! Can't you see I'm trying to help?"

"Because I'm hungry and would like to go to dinner!"

Harry brushed past Ron roughly and made his way down the stairs. He crossed the common room, ignoring Hermione's pleading calls from where she was seated, and headed toward the main hall. He followed the crowd of traffic replaying what had happened in their dorm room. He was mad at himself for reacting like that, but at the time he felt he had no other choice. He had to lie to protect his friends at all costs. He just hoped that he hadn't damaged their relationship too badly.

Dinner ended up being a silent affair. Both Ron and Hermione were rather sullen, and they didn't try to initiate a conversation with him like they usually did. He suspected that Ron had already briefed her on what happened. That was the down side to having best friends who were dating. It was impossible to tell one of them something without the other one knowing. They kept to themselves mostly, and the few times Harry looked over at them there were hurt expressions on their faces. Ginny and Neville sat near by, but knew enough not to ask what was wrong.

Harry knew that Ron's line of questioning was not over, and he was desperately trying to think of what he could tell them to satisfy their curiosity. Nothing was coming to mind at the moment, and his head was starting to hurt from all the frustration. After a fairly good day, he really didn't feel like being irritated so he closed his eyes and took some cleansing breaths to clear his mind. He could worry about what he would say to the two of them later. For now he felt like relaxing a bit.

It was then he began to take in his surroundings a bit. Refusing to speak to others during meals had a way of making you notice things that you wouldn't normally pay attention to. He ate slowly watching the others around in him in silent fascination. He even turned around in his seat to get a better view. There were a lot of excited conversations bouncing all over the Great Hall indicating that most were in good moods. Even Draco seemed to be in a pleasant mood as he talked animatedly with Blaise. He caught the blonde's eye briefly and received a small wink when the others weren't looking.

He turned his attention towards the staff table and saw that Remus was listening intently to one of Hagrid's stories. The others seemed to be chatting to one another quietly.

Feeling like he had stared at everyone long enough, he lifted his eyes upwards and noticed a most peculiar sight. Bright light was streaming through the large windows of the Great Hall as the last rays of the evening sun streaked through the ever growing dark clouds. The large room was aglow with the soft orange light, and everything seemed suddenly still. Dangerously _still_. Even the normally loud conversations at each of the house tables had lessened to a dull roar as they noticed the change in lighting. Was this the calm before a storm?

The enchanted ceiling above their heads slowly morphed from the once pleasant image of the setting sun, into dark menacing shapes. The angry black clouds gathered and swirled about the concave structure, matching the weather just outside. As the room fell into darkness, the ever present floating candles magnified their flames in order to make up for the difference in light. The entire scene was somehow unsettling, and everyone sensed the immediate change.

Grabbing a forkful of mashed potatoes, Harry strained his neck upwards slightly to peer out of the large windows to see what was going on. The wind had picked up considerably and the trees that surrounded the ancient castle swayed back and forth in warning. It was as if Mother Nature herself knew about the sudden unrest in the wizarding world and was attempting to alert her precious children.

"Looks like we are in for quite a storm," said Seamus. "I haven't seen the skies look so troubling in quite a long while."

"Nah, this is nothing," replied Dean, munching on some corn. "I visited my aunt and uncle once in the States. You should see the storms they have back there."

Harry looked at Ron and Hermione who were chatting quietly and said, "Something's not right."

They were both surprised that Harry had chosen to speak to them after their awful silence. "What do you mean?" asked Hermione curiously.

"I don't know, but don't you feel it… something feels off," he replied. "It's almost as if the air is somehow charged with energy."

"Maybe it's just the storm. I've read about people sometimes feel the same way just before a bad storm," she said matter-of-factly.

"Maybe." Somehow Harry knew that what he was feeling had nothing to do with the storm. He glanced over his shoulder in search of Draco again. The look on his face told Harry that he felt it too. Maybe they were picking up on some type of magical energy around the castle.

Feeling a sudden spray of rain on his face, Harry looked upwards again and saw that one of the windows had opened momentarily to allow a great horned owl entrance. The seal on its broad chest revealed that the majestic creature was a messenger of the Ministry. It soared across the massive room on silent wings and landed gracefully in front of Hogwart's headmaster.

Taking the scroll of parchment from the bird's talons, Professor Dumbledore silently read over the contents of the letter. Harry watched his reaction carefully, hoping to find some type of validation of the feeling that had suddenly gripped his heart. Seeing the headmaster's normally twinkling eyes dull for a moment was all Harry needed to know that something was most definitely wrong.

The entire student body watched as the headmaster motioned to his staff to rise and meet him in a small huddle behind the staff table. Each one hung their head in despair as they processed whatever news their superior had just delivered. As the huddle broke, the professors grouped themselves and made some quiet decisions.

Harry watched anxiously as Lupin, Snape, and McGonagall ran wordlessly across the great hall and out the main doors. It was a most unusual sight. Hundreds of heads followed their movements and then snapped around to look at Dumbledore when the three members of the Order disappeared out the entranceway.

"I will explain everything in due time, but for now all I can say is that we are on high alert tonight. I expect that everyone will go straight to their dormitories after dinner and remain there until further notice. I will not tolerate any disobedience in this matter. Prefects will guard each house entrance to ensure that their house members remain in the dorms this evening. That is all," said Dumbledore.

He gathered the owl on his arm and quickly left the staff table, striding out of the hall with a sense of determination. Hagrid was close on his heels. The remaining teachers stayed behind to supervise the rest of dinner, but it was unnecessary. Everyone had just lost their appetites, and they soon began to file out of the large room.

Although the headmaster really hadn't confirmed anything, there could only be one reason why the school would be on high alert. There must have been an attack by the Death Eaters.

Harry looked back at the pale faces of his friends. "This is really happening, isn't it?" asked Ginny. Neville reached across the table and took her hand in comfort.

Ron pulled his sister in a brotherly hug, "It's alright, Gin. We don't even know what's going on yet."

"We knew this day would eventually come. The Order is probably going to go fight in the battle… I wonder where it's taking place…." said Hermione sadly.

"Does it really matter? People are going to die regardless of where it happens," said Harry bitterly. _People are going to die and it's all my fault. It should be me out there fighting. Isn't that what everyone is expecting of me anyway?_

"Don't you start talking like that Harry Potter," said Ginny, scolding him. "You don't know that anyone is going to die. The Ministry and the Order might be able to stop the battle from ever taking place. Don't assume the worst!"

"I can't help it. I've seen what that sick bastard does to people!" Harry countered.

"So have I!" she shouted back. Harry looked into her tear-filled eyes and remembered once again that Ginny had her own emotional scars when it came to Voldemort. He looked away in shame for his sudden out burst.

"Everyone calm down. Fighting with each other isn't going to do any of us any good," said Ron.

"He's right. Why don't we head back to our tower? Ron and I need to be on duty anyway," said Hermione.

They all nodded and followed each other out of the Great Hall. Seeing his boyfriend leaving at the same time, Draco reached out to Harry and gave his hand a quick squeeze before following his house members back towards the dungeons. It was understood that neither one wanted to be separated right now, but they didn't really have a choice in the matter.

As the Gryffindors walked the stone hallways towards their tower, Harry felt a small arm snake around his shoulder, pulling him into a hug. Turning his head, he found himself staring into the shining hazel eyes of one his best friends. He was surprised she was even speaking to him after the way he had treated Ron and Ginny.

"He's going to be okay, Harry. I know you are worried about him," whispered Hermione.

"Who?" asked Harry, trying to sound nonchalant despite the knot that was beginning to form in the back of his throat.

"Remus… he's going to be okay," she replied. He nodded and then titled his head towards hers and sighed deeply. Ever since his guardian had left with the other Order members, he had been thinking about his safety. He didn't know what he would do if he lost yet another father figure. It was amazing how well she knew him sometimes. It was kind of scary really.

The common room was deathly quiet when the friends stepped past the painting. No one knew what to say to each other as they had no idea what was really going on. Each person thinking that their family's lives may be in danger, but not knowing what to do about it. There was no way to even send an owl right now to check on them.

Some were talking to their friends in various corners of the room. Others tried reading to preoccupy their mind. And some retired early to bed, hoping that they would wake up tomorrow and this would all be some terrible mistake. Was this how it felt the last time Voldemort was in power; constantly worrying about the unknown?

A few of the younger students kept eyeing Harry expectantly, like he was going to take some sort of leadership position and could explain things. Or maybe they felt that he might still have his visions of Voldemort and knew what was happening. Or maybe they were even thinking that he should be out there fighting.

Feeling rather uncomfortable under their scrutiny, Harry excused himself and went upstairs. He needed some time alone to think. He was thankful that the boy's sixth year dorm room was otherwise unoccupied. He walked straight toward the window and sat down upon the stone ledge, drawing his knees up to his chest. He had spent many sleepless nights seated in this position, thinking about anything and everything.

He watched the raging storm that was still howling outside and wondered if it was raining wherever the battle was taking place. A part of him still felt guilty that he wasn't trying to help the Aurors in battle, but he was after all still a child. Well, not really a child, but he certainly wouldn't consider himself an adult. And it wasn't like he was trained for this kind of thing… sure he had read a lot of literature on defense this year on his own time… but book knowledge doesn't make up for practical application. But still… didn't the prophecy say that the only way the Dark Lord would be defeated was by his own hand. _Neither one can survive while the other lives…_

He realized for the first time since the prophecy was revealed to him what his fate actually meant. This war wouldn't end… and many people would die… until he put a stop to it. He was really going to have to do this. As much as he didn't want to he knew that he had a lot of people counting on him. When he had the chance he was going to ask Remus or Dumbledore if he could start training.

All thoughts of Sirius put aside for the moment, he focused his attention to thinking of Remus… willing him to be okay… praying that he would return home safely. He had come to depend on him like a parent, and he couldn't bear it if he found out something had happened to him.

He watched as a sudden bolt of lightning pierced the night sky, illuminating the dark black clouds with eerie purplish glow. The thunder that rumbled across the sky a mere second later seemed to shake the castle to its very core. He sat there watching the storm for what seemed like hours while he worried about Remus.

Later that evening, he felt Ron shake his shoulder gently. "Hmm?" called Harry, as he raised his head, blinking his eyes warily. He had been sleeping with his head lying on his arms, which were still resting on his propped up knees. He must have fallen asleep sitting beside the window. No wonder he felt so cold now.

"C'mon mate, everyone else has gone to sleep. You should go to bed too," he suggested. Harry got up willingly and felt the ache in his joints for sleeping in such an awkward position for so long.

"Okay, what about you?" Harry asked as he made is way through the now dimly lit room to his bed. He noticed that his other dorm mates were already sleeping soundly. He wondered why they hadn't woken him when they came in earlier. Either they hadn't seen him sitting by the window or they didn't want to bother him.

"I'm on duty for another hour. Hermione has been resting all this time. She will relieve me and then I can come up to bed. I left my post for a moment because I wanted to check on you," he said, as he turned to leave the room again

"Oh… hey, Ron… I'm sorry for the way I treated you earlier…."

Ron nodded, but said nothing further. He was still hurt that Harry was keeping things from him, but right now everyone's attention was on the possible battle taking place. No one knew yet what was going on and it was very disconcerting.

He removed his glasses from his tired face and placed them on the nightstand beside his bed. Rubbing gently around his eyes he felt the painful indentations that had been made from falling asleep with his glasses on again. Harry tried desperately to go back to sleep, but oddly enough once he was nestled beneath the warm covers of his four poster bed, he no longer felt tired. Part of him wanted to go downstairs and keep Ron or Hermione company while they made sure everyone was safe, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He was too afraid that they would try to ask him what he was hiding from them again, and he wanted to avoid any serious conversations for the time being. So he lay there quietly in bed, waiting for morning to come.

And morning did finally come, in all its glory. The now gentler skies broke to reveal the rising sun. Harry padded his way across the cold stone floor to get a better look at the awesome scenery. The view was spectacular. Bands of soft light broke through the clouds creating a halo-like affect. It was as if heaven itself had parted for just a moment, and allowed its peaceful light to push away any lingering reminders of last night's storm. Harry hoped that this was a symbolic indication that whatever occurred last night was finally over.

He dressed quickly and decided to see if Remus had returned yet. He nearly ran through the deserted hallways to the older man's quarters. He didn't even knock; he just said the password and barged right in his private rooms. Unfortunately, the werewolf was no where to be seen. What did this mean? Is he not back yet? Is the Order still in a meeting or something?

Frustrated not to find his guardian in his rooms, he walked over to the bookshelves that lined one of the walls. There he glanced at the photographs searching for the latest addition to the memories. In the center of the pictures of the marauders and Remus's family was a photograph that was taken at Villa de Luna. It was picture of the two of them sitting beside each other munching on popcorn. It had been taken the day after Remus had gained custody of Harry… after that fateful moment in which Harry communicated with Sirius through the veil… after they bonded for an entire evening talking endlessly. The picture itself was a little off center and tilted slightly because Remus had enchanted the camera to take the picture while floating in the air.

Harry stared at the picture and sighed. It felt good to know that Remus cared enough about him to insist upon having a picture of the two of them together. He stayed a few moments longer looking at the other pictures that adorned the small room. He had done this dozens of times and he never tired of it.

Glancing at his watch, he noticed that it was almost time for breakfast. He decided to make his way down to the Great Hall, hoping that Dumbledore or one of the other professors would shine some light onto their current situation.

Upon his arrival, he seated himself at the long table and watched as the entire student body began to file into the large room quietly. Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Neville sat down on either side of Harry, but remained quiet. No one seemed to know what to say, so they all waited quietly for some answers. They made an attempt to eat something, but everyone was so sick with worry that most just picked at some toast or sipped their tea.

Finally, the staff began to enter the room and take their seats up at the head table. Dumbledore and McGonagall came in last. The headmaster stood before the entire school after he reached his place at the table and looked ready to give a speech. Harry noticed that both Snape and Remus were missing from the staff. He shot a worried look across the room at Draco. He had noticed too. Where could they be?

The headmaster closed his eyes briefly before opening them again to address the students. "I'm afraid that I have some very grave news to share with you. I apologize for not telling you all the truth earlier, but we didn't have much information until now."

"Last night, Voldemort sent his Death Eaters to attack a small village outside of Dartmoor, England. The Ministry of Magic responded to the villagers' desperate plea for help, and then sent word to the Order of the Phoenix. Unfortunately, despite everyone's best efforts, many people died. We have calculated that at least 56 wizards and witches were killed in the attack. There were also 23 Muggles killed, who lived in close proximity to the village. The actual death toll keeps rising. We won't know for sure how many perished last night until a few days from now when the Ministry is able to conduct a full investigation. The Ministry's Aurors and the Order members all survived, but many were injured."

Harry felt his heart drop to his stomach. So many had died… He felt both guilty and relieved that he was no longer connected to Voldemort in order to have visions. Glancing around the hall, he noticed that several students had begun to cry. He wondered how many of them had family members who lived in that area of England.

Dumbledore continued with his speech. "Together, the Order and the Ministry were able to capture several Death Eaters, but many also escaped," he said with a small sigh.

Harry could see Ron and Hermione holding hands, and Ginny and Neville holding each other fiercely. He wished he could be with Draco now too.

"I don't know what our future holds… but, I promise you this. As long as you attend Hogwarts, you will not be in danger. Your professors and I are determined to make the castle a safe place to live and learn. I will do my best to keep you informed, but as of now… there are several owls waiting outside those windows that need to deliver some very important letters." Closing his eyes he sat down upon the chair behind him. He seemed so much older now than ever before. He raised his hand and flicked it towards the windows, which opened to allow the owls to enter. In all the excitement no one had noticed the flurry of birds waiting impatiently to deliver their letters.

Hundreds of owls flew into the Great Hall. They moved about in frenzy, searching for their mail recipients. Before they all left it was clear that almost every student had received a letter. Harry knew that their families must be just as worried as their children, as they were about them. A few students seemed to have received awful news, because they left the hall with their faces stained with tears. Harry turned back to talk to his friends, when he noticed that Ron had received a letter as well.

Ron motioned to Ginny to sit beside him, and the two red heads began to read the letter to themselves. Harry, Hermione, and Neville waited quietly to hear what the letter was about. When the two were finished reading, both hung their heads in sadness. Ginny's eyes welled up with tears, and Ron pulled her into a brotherly hug.

"What is it, Ron?" asked Hermione, her eyes searching his freckled face for answers.

"My mum's cousin and his family were killed in the battle," he said softly. His blue eyes seemed glassy, but they did not shed a tear.

"Oh gods, Ron, I'm so sorry," said Hermione. She got out of her seat and kissed him softly on the temple, before hugging the two siblings in support. Neville did the same.

"It's okay… we didn't even really know Albert or his family. He was a squib, actually, and worked as an accountant. Mum says that it's too dangerous to even attend the memorial," said Ron.

"It doesn't matter if you knew them or not, Ron," said Harry. "They were still family and I'm sorry that they were killed." Deep down, he knew that it was his fault that Voldemort had been resurrected. He should have somehow stood up to Wormtail before he took his blood in that graveyard. Then none of this would have even happened.

"Thanks," Ron muttered. "I think I've actually lost my appetite. Let's get out of here."

"Sure," said Hermione, helping them up.

Classes for today had already been canceled the night before, so they all had some time to relax. They began to walk out to the main entrance hall when they saw the many sad faces that were being comforted by friends. Not wanting to invade their privacy, the others turned to leave. Harry stayed behind.

"Aren't you coming?" asked Hermione.

"I think I'm going to go look for Remus again, and maybe meet up with Draco," he replied.

"You don't know where Professor Lupin is?" she asked worriedly.

"No, I haven't seen him."

"You might want to try the hospital wing. Dumbledore did say that some of the Aurors and Order members were injured," she suggested.

Harry's face blanched. He had never even considered that Remus may have been seriously injured. He had prayed that he wouldn't be killed, but it never even entered his mind that he might be hurt. He always seemed so strong and sure of himself.

"Don't worry. I'm sure he's fine. We'll catch up with you later," she said as she caught up with the rest of the group.

Harry nodded and turned to go find Draco. Much to his surprise he found himself staring up at the blonde's worried face. "I was just coming to look for you," he said.

"I know," said Draco. "It's been a long night. I missed you." He wrapped his arms around Harry's small frame and brought him into a hug. Harry was going to protest that they were in a public place, but he saw that everyone else was too wrapped up in their own grief to even notice the two boys embracing.

Draco released him, and looked into his emerald eyes. "Are you as worried about Lupin as I am about Severus?"

"Yeah, neither one were at breakfast. Remus wasn't in his rooms earlier either. Hermione seems to think that we should check the infirmary," he said.

"Then let's go," said Draco.

The pair walked the long hallways to the hospital wing, and pushed open the wooden doors. Inside they were greeted by an amusing sight: Snape was lying on a hospital bed pleading with Madam Pomfrey to let him go.

"Seriously, Poppy, I'm fine! I have things I need to attend to!" Snape growled at her, while swatting her hand away.

Snape did seem a little worse for wear. His robes were slightly tattered and his sallow face was mottled with dirt and bruises. A cut on his cheek appeared to have been healed magically.

"Just let me finish cleaning your other wounds…" she protested.

"No, I can take care of them myself. I always do. You've healed the worst of my injuries, so stop badgering me!" The Potions professor rose to his feet and realized that they had an audience.

"Severus!" Draco shouted as he ran over to his godfather. "You're alright!" The blond threw his arms around the man's waist and hugged him fiercely. Snape looked a little more than uncomfortable with the affection, especially with Harry watching him, but he returned the embrace anyways.

"Of course I'm alright. Why wouldn't I be?" he asked, stepping back to look at his godson.

"I was worried the Death Eaters would go after you for being a spy!" Draco replied, as if it should have been obvious.

"That is why I used a glamour charm to alter my appearance. I'm not brainless," his godfather retorted.

"Oh, so you're okay?"

"Yes, I'm _fine_. Careful, you're starting to sound like this one," said Snape, pointing over his shoulder to the school nurse. She harrumphed loudly at the crude remark and then set about putting some things away. "Actually, Draco, there are some things that I need to discuss with you in private," he said in a serious tone. "Will you please follow me back to the dungeons so that I may discuss it with you?"

"Okay, sure," said Draco, sounding a bit worried.

"Um… excuse me sir… but have you seen Professor Lupin?" asked Harry, speaking up for the first time.

"Yes, your beloved werewolf is resting down there," said Snape, nodding to the other end of the hospital wing.

Harry didn't bother to thank him, and set off to find his guardian. He didn't even hear Snape and Draco leave as he hurried across the long room. He skidded to a halt when he found the bed that Remus was lying in. Catching his breath he noticed that his guardian was lying deathly still on top of the crisp white sheets.

Remus was lying on his side; his pale face grimaced with pain as he slept. Upon closer inspection Harry found that his robes were torn and frayed on the man's exposed side. Blood stained most of his torso, revealing the true nature of his grievous injuries. Harry had no idea what caused the blood loss, but he was relieved to see that the skin beneath his torn robes had been healed, for it bore no visible wounds.

He sank in the chair beside the bed and thanked the heavens for allowing Remus to survive last night's battle. He had already lost so many people close to him that he didn't know what he would do if Remus had died. It wasn't until he saw him that Harry understood just how afraid he had felt for his safety. He raised his gaze upwards in attempt to stop the few tears that had threatened to fall upon his relief.

Suddenly, the bed before him shifted slightly, and Harry found himself looking down at Remus's haggard face. His eyes blinked open slowly and looked up at Harry.

"Hi," said Harry softly. "How are you feeling?"

"Like hell…" Remus replied. Seeing the concerned look on Harry's face he added, "Sorry… but it's true."

"Are you going to be alright?" asked Harry, leaning a bit closer to Remus.

"I will be. I just need to rest for a day or two. Pomfrey healed me completely, but she had to give me some of that Rapid Cellulo potion you had because of the blood loss. You're lucky she put you in a coma. This stuff is pretty painful to endure. My bones ache from being forced to make new blood!"

"Can't she give you a pain numbing potion?"

"No, the ingredients counteract the blood replenishing potion. I just have to grin and bear it for a day or so," he replied.

Remus then rolled carefully onto his back and then attempted to sit up properly. Harry rose to help him and gently pulled on his arms until he was in a seated position. Remus squeezed his eyes tight and bit his lip in an attempt not to cry out from the pain he was feeling. Harry grabbed an extra pillow from a nearby bed and placed it behind his back so that he would be more comfortable.

"Thanks," said Remus gratefully, settling back against the bed frame.

Feeling overwhelmed by emotion again, Harry threw his arms around the older man and pressed his forehead into his shoulder. "I'm so glad that you're going to be okay. I was really scared there for a while," Harry revealed.

"Me too. Battle is a pretty scary thing," said Remus. Harry sat down beside him on the bed and studied his face. Remus's eyes seemed to cloud over slightly as he stared across the room. The horrors of last night were apparently still too fresh in his mind.

"What happened?" asked Harry hoping that Remus would treat him with the same honesty he had come to appreciate.

"It was a mess Harry. Utter chaos really. It was hard to tell what was even happening when we Apparated in. Buildings had been set on fire everywhere and it was hard to see and breathe through all that smoke. The rain did nothing to stop all the fires from spreading, and it was near impossible to put them all out while searching for the Death Eaters. Many of the townspeople were killed before we could even get there," he explained, searching Harry's face for understanding.

"I know. Dumbledore explained some of what happened this morning. Why did Voldemort decide to strike there?" he asked curiously.

"We don't really know for sure, but we do know that Voldemort never even showed up. I think he was just 'flexing his muscles' so to speak. Letting us all know he's still out there."

"But why? What does he have to gain by terrorizing a small village?" asked Harry in a frustrated tone. He still felt the guilt over every innocent life lost by the Dark Lord's hand.

"He has _everything_ to gain Harry. Don't you remember hearing stories about what it was like last time he was in power? We lived our lives in terror, never knowing what was going to happen next. Many people were ready to give up the cause because the cost seemed more than any of us could bear. Fear is a powerful thing," said Remus, his voice becoming hoarse.

Harry nodded at this, knowing that Remus was right. Fear can be crippling at times, especially when you feel helpless about a situation. He had felt that fear more times than he cared to admit in his short life.

"I did some thinking while we waited for news last night. I know you understand what the prophecy said about me and Voldemort…" Harry waited to see the recognition in Remus's face. He nodded wearily and waited for Harry to continue. "Well, it seems that the responsible thing to do is to start preparing for the inevitable. I want to start training, and I was hoping that you would help me like you did back during my third year."

"Harry, I don't want you looking for trouble. I am not going to allow you to just walk up to Voldemort thinking that you can destroy him!"

"I know, Remus. I've made some rash decisions and a lot of mistakes. But I also know that I'm going to end up facing him again one way or another, and I want to be more prepared. Please help me. I have to do this," Harry pleaded.

"Alright. I'll speak to Dumbledore and see what he thinks about all this. I would be happy to help you, but you may have to train with the other professors as well. You would be surprised to find out just how skilled each of the staff is in their area of expertise."

Harry nodded in agreement, knowing that he may have to eventually train with Snape. He wasn't looking forward to it, but nothing could negate the fact that Snape was a powerful and knowledgeable wizard in his own right.

Harry looked up when he heard a quick intake of breath between Remus's teeth. His guardian had attempted to shift his position in bed, but his body had been racked with pain at the smallest movement.

"Are you okay?" asked Harry worriedly. The werewolf nodded as he grimaced in pain. "Remus, how did you get hurt? What happened?"

"Yeah, about that…Harry… I have something to tell you that you may or may not like to hear…" said Remus, looking into his eyes.

"It's okay. What happened?" asked Harry expectantly.

"I was helping Kingsley and Tonks put out some of the fires while looking for any survivors when I noticed a situation. Three young Aurors had managed to corner a few of the Death Eaters in a grove of trees, and I came over to help detain them. Unfortunately, the Ministry had sent some of their trainees out of desperation. The Death Eaters must have sensed their inexperience because the moment one of the young men turned his back, all hell broke loose. They quickly escaped the magical bonds and began firing shots wildly…"

Remus stopped for a moment and motioned to the glass of water on the table beside the bed. Unable to reach it himself, Harry grabbed the glass and helped Remus take a few sips of water. Nodding that he had enough, he continued his story.

"Well, anyway, the three Aurors managed to flee to safety. I tried my best to hold off the Death Eaters myself, but a spell was fired directly at me when I wasn't looking. It caught me in the side, and I howled in pain as it tore through my body. Seeing that I was injured they started to run away, but one of the Death Eaters spun around and stared at me for a moment. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but now it makes sense. He must have recognized me… I fell to the ground in pain and waited for help to arrive. Seeing that the Death Eater was still watching me, I lifted up my head and fired a stunning spell."

Remus stopped again for a moment to think about what he wanted to say next. "And..." Harry said, hanging off his every word.

"I missed him. The Death Eater had transformed into his animagus form and ran off. It was pretty dark so it took me a moment to realize that it was a rat with a silver paw running away from me. I think the wolf part of me took over because I somehow leapt off of the ground and chased the rat through the woods. I caught up with him in a few strides, and I used the last bit of my energy to petrify him. The stupid fool! I would have never known it was him if he hadn't transformed..."

"You don't mean…" began Harry, his jaw hanging open in surprise.

"Yes, I caught Peter Pettigrew… he is currently in the custody of the Ministry being questioned," said Remus sadly.

"Oh my gods, Remus, this is incredible! I can't believe this happened!" said Harry excitedly.

"I wasn't sure how you would handle the news," said Remus tiredly.

"What? Why? This is amazing. Sirius's name can finally be cleared!" Harry was ecstatic with elation, but it was clear that Remus didn't share his enthusiasm about the turn of events. Of course, how could he? He had no idea about Harry's plans to save Sirius.

"I'm glad that traitorous bastard is behind bars, but clearing Sirius's name is a bit pointless now. Just a mere formality. Why couldn't we have captured him before?" asked Remus, mournfully. He closed his shining eyes and rested his head against the headboard.

Remus looked truly distraught, and Harry wasn't sure how to comfort him. He imagined that he might feel the same way if hadn't done all this research and learned the truth behind the veil.

"But this is still a good thing, Remus… I didn't get a chance to tell you before, but I have been doing some research about the veil in the library…"

"What? Why would you do that?" asked Remus angrily, as he lifted his head to question Harry. "Didn't I tell you that there was no way that Sirius could be brought back?"

"Well, yes, you did… but what if there was a way? Wouldn't you want to bring him back?" asked Harry.

"Yes, I suppose… but Harry we have no idea what we are dealing with here. Even if you did find a way to bring Sirius back from beyond the veil, would he truly ever be the same? There's an old saying that says '_Be careful what you wish for'_…You have to remember that he had already spent twelve years in Azkaban and now a full year in Limbo. Don't you think he would be changed somehow? You were only in limbo for twenty four hours and look how it impacted you. There's no telling what Sirius would be like if he came back. He might not be _whole_, if you know what I mean."

Harry thought about the things Remus said, and he had to admit that he could be right. He had never even thought about how drastically different his godfather would be after being in Limbo for so long.

"I know, but isn't it worth a try?" asked Harry softly.

"Well, what do you know so far?" asked Remus curiously.

"There are actually two veils. One is in the Ministry, obviously, and the other is somewhere near Ireland," said Harry.

"Anything else?" Remus eyed him skeptically and seemed to sense that Harry was holding back something. Harry was starting to feel like he never should have said anything to Remus. He had just been so excited about clearing Sirius's name that he wanted to share some good news too. There's no way that Remus could make the trip in a day or so anyways. Not with the way he was feeling at the moment, so why even bring it up? Remus would never let him go alone.

"Well…er… yeah… just that there exists a potion and a spell that could bring a loved one back from beyond the veil," he replied. He was being purposely vague about the details so that he wouldn't have to tell the truth. "So what do you think?"

"I don't know Harry. It sounds too dangerous. Now is not the time to be traveling to some unknown destination to find another veil that we aren't sure even exists. We can't be gallivanting off when there are Death Eaters positioned strategically all over the U.K. Voldemort isn't going to stop until he has thrown over the Minister of Magic and rules the wizarding world."

Harry nodded like he understood, but nothing was going to stop him from trying to save Sirius. He knew there were risks involved; that was why he refused to explain anything to his friends. And even if Sirius came back… _changed_ somehow… wasn't it worth it to save him from the hell he was currently in. Wasn't that the humane thing to do after leading him into danger in the first place?

"Do you truly understand, Harry? Because you seem to be holding something back from me!" Remus said loudly.

"No… I mean, yes, I understand… it's just that… er… I had another dream about Sirius, and I just wish there was a way to save him…" he replied deceptively.

"I'm sorry kiddo. I know all this is hard for you. I don't mean to yell… it's just that this is all pretty hard for me too right now…This war is bringing up some painful memories for me from the last war…"

Harry was surprised by his confession. Remus rarely admitted what he was feeling to him.

"I'm sorry…" he said quietly.

"It's okay…" Remus replied.

Madam Pomfrey suddenly appeared by Remus's hospital bed with a determined look on her face. "Mr. Potter, Professor Lupin still needs his rest now. Why don't you come back again sometime later?"

"Alright," said Harry, standing up. He knew better than to argue with the school nurse. "I'm glad you're going to be okay."

"Thanks," said Remus, as Harry leaned down to give him another hug. "I'll see you later."

"You bet," said Harry as he turned to walk away.

He was filled with a mixture of emotions as he walked out into the hallway: he was still sad that so many had died… he was relieved that Remus was okay… he was happy that Peter was finally captured and that Sirius's name might possibly be cleared… and he was more determined now than ever to rescue Sirius.

He was about to turn towards the Gryffindor tower, but decided to head towards the Slytherin dungeons instead. He hoped he might be able to find Draco. He hadn't spent a lot of time with him over the last few days and he wanted to be in his presence for a while. He always made things seem better somehow.

As he descended the stone steps that led to the lower levels of the castle, Harry ran into Snape. "Oh, hello, Professor. I was wondering… have you seen Draco? I would like to speak with him if possible," he said as politely as possible.

Snape stopped and looked down at Harry for a moment. Amazingly his obsidian like eyes seemed sad and worried. Harry wondered briefly if it had anything to do with Draco. Snape opened his mouth a few times to say something, but nothing came out. Harry couldn't ever remember a time when the Potions professor seemed at a loss for words. He finally said, "He went outside," before brushing past him and disappearing down the hallway.

Confused by Snape's behavior, Harry walked back up the stairs and proceeded to find his way outside. At first, Harry didn't see any sign of Draco and he wondered if Snape had purposely led him astray or something. But then he remembered their quiet spot by the lake, and began walking towards it.

It was actually turning out to be quite a beautiful day. The sun was shining and there wasn't a trace left of last night's storm. Harry was surprised that there weren't more students outside today with classes canceled and all. But they were probably all dealing with their own problems in their own way.

The old maple tree that grew by the water's edge blocked his view of the rock that they occasionally sat on, but he somehow knew that he would find Draco there. Harry walked towards the water's edge and went around the large tree so that he wouldn't startle him.

"Hey," he said when he at last caught sight of his beautiful blond boyfriend.

"Hey," said Draco, moving over on the rock so that Harry could sit down. His hair was wild and loose now, blocking Harry's view of his face.

Harry sat beside him and could feel the tension radiating off Draco's body. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Not really," said Draco. He turned his head to look at Harry. Wanting to see his beautiful face, Harry pushed back Draco's blond locks and saw that his grey blue eyes were brimming with tears.

"What is it?" Harry asked, holding his face with both of his hands.

"My mother," said Draco. He shrugged off Harry's hands and turned away. He then rubbed roughly at his face to wipe away the tears.

"Did you find out where she is?" asked Harry. Although Draco never spoke of her, he knew that he thought of her frequently. No one had seen her since she left with Lucius last summer. After Lucius Malfoy's arrest last Halloween, a few Aurors briefly tried to find his wife, but to no avail. It was as if she had vanished off the face of the earth. Draco figured she was hiding out so that she wouldn't be captured by the Death Eaters, but no one knew for sure.

"Severus thinks she may have been staying in Dartmoor…" said Draco. "Apparently she had a distant cousin that was living in the wizarding village that was attacked."

"Oh no…" said Harry. "Is she…"

"I don't know…" he replied with a sniffle. "During the attack Severus said he encountered some villagers who said they saw a woman in town that matched my mother's description a few days prior. They couldn't remember her name, but they said it was also the name of a flower. Before the Aurors came they said they saw her being taken away by some of the Death Eaters. She struggled to get away, Harry… she was fighting them… Apparently there was nothing anyone could do to help her," he said. As he finished, a tear slid down his face.

"I'm so sorry, Draco…" Harry began.

"I secretly hoped that she was hiding from the Death Eaters and that one day she would come back for me… I guess, that's not happening anytime soon… I doubt she will even survive…" Draco's face crumpled as he began to cry harder.

Harry wrapped his arms around Draco and held his shaking frame. "Dray… I'm so sorry… I don't know what to say…"

"It's okay… it's not your fault…" he mumbled

"I know… but I wish that I could do something to help you somehow…" Harry tried to say as he comforted him.

"I _wish_ that I hadn't been so selfish that day I portkeyed out of the mansion! I should have taken her with me!"

"Don't do that, Dray…. This is not your fault. Who knows what would have happened to you if you hadn't gotten yourself out of there!"

"I know that Harry, but it doesn't take away the pain I feel inside," said Draco.

"Shhh… I know…" said Harry as he pulled Draco closer, rubbing circles onto his back. Draco in turned wrapped his arms around Harry seeking comfort. His head was now tucked up under Harry's chin as well.

Draco soon stopped crying, but made no effort to move from his comfortable position. "You miss her, don't you?" asked Harry as he continued to rub his back.

"Yeah… it's not like she was the world's best mother or anything… but she's still my mum…"

"I know… don't lose hope though, Dray… maybe she managed to escape… you have to have faith that everything will turn out okay…"

"How can I? Do you really believe that?" asked Draco, lifting his head to stare into Harry's green eyes.

"I have to…" he replied, thinking of Sirius yet again. He kissed Draco on the temple and pulled him closer.

Now wasn't the time to reveal that Peter had been captured. It didn't feel right to celebrate when Draco was worried about his mother's safety. Maybe that bit of news could wait until he returned home with Sirius.

Neither said another one word, but relished the warmth of each other's company. They sat together with their limbs entangled for another hour or so before retreating indoors.

A/N: The next chapter will begin Harry's adventure to save Sirius. I know you all can't wait to see what happens! Just so you know, Narcissa will be important to the summer sequel I am planning on writing.

**Many thanks to all my readers and reviewers! Thanks again Drae for being the world's best beta.**** C'mon… review… you know you want to!**


	28. The True Meaning of Friendship

A/N: Sorry it took me so much longer to post, but I had trouble writing this chapter mostly due to lack of time. I'm not sure I even like how it turned out. It felt like I was trying to do too much in just one chapter. Let me know your thoughts in a review!

**Chapter 28- The True Meaning of Friendship**

A mysterious silence had enveloped the ancient castle with its oppressing arms. Although classes had resumed the next day, the normally cheerful students were now subdued with the knowledge that the war was creeping closer and closer to their own doorsteps. It was as if the glittery illusion of denial had been burst open in all of its glory revealing the truth. It was only a matter of time before many of these innocent souls looked into the blank, nameless faces of Death Eaters as their dreams of the future were shattered by reality. It's one thing to know that there is a war going on in the world around you, but it's quite another to feel the effects of such a haunting revelation directly.

Harry felt both saddened and relieved that he wasn't the only one perpetually worried about what was inevitably coming anymore. Everyone was observably overcome by the present situation. In fact it seemed as if the entire student body had suddenly been connected to one another in a very tangible way- the wizarding world that they knew was being threatened by the most evil wizards of their time. If the light didn't prevail, then the darkness that would ensue would certainly block the rays of happiness from ever reaching their hearts again.

War certainly has a way of putting things into perspective. Things that used to hold great importance in the life of a young teenager were no longer of any value when put against such weighty issues as death, battle, and for Harry… prophecies. Homework hardly seemed relevant when the lives of loved ones were at stake.

During classes and meals that following day, Harry would occasionally receive a furtive glance from his peers; as if to say, "_Why isn't the Boy-Who-Lived doing anything about this?" _or "_Where was our so called savior when all those people died?"_

It cut him to the very core to know what was expected of him… but he also knew that it was his fate… his destiny… his right to destroy that which was threatening them. Voldemort had been resurrected using his own blood. Harry realized that deaths of so many people would not have occurred if it weren't for him, and he held onto that shame and guilt… for now it _empowered_ him. For the first time since he learned about the prophecy, he felt driven to do what was right once and for all.

Harry had asked the day before if Remus would help begin training for the inevitable confrontation with Voldemort, and he was feeling more determined than ever. He had spent the better part of his sixth year studying like a mad man in order to quell the depression he had gotten himself into, but book knowledge wasn't going to save his ass when the final showdown began. He decided that what he needed was some practical application and good old fashioned exercise. Long hours on his broom performing death defying maneuvers during Quidditch practice had toned his muscles nicely, but he knew that he didn't have the stamina that he needed when it came to the endless dodging, running, and spell casting that came with a true wizard battle. Harry now understood the importance of his role in this war, and he wanted to be prepared for just about anything; even if that meant hand to hand combat.

While briefly visiting his guardian in the hospital earlier that afternoon, Harry learned that Remus had already spoken with the other professors as per Harry's request. Dumbledore was currently organizing a training schedule that wouldn't interfere with his studies or Quidditch. Harry was anxious to begin, but he also couldn't ignore what was most important to him right now… making sure Remus was alright so that he could leave to bring Sirius home. His life was becoming more and more complicated with each passing day, and he wasn't really sure if he was up to all the challenges he was posing to himself.

After dinner that evening, Harry quickly explained to his friends that he wanted to visit Remus again, and then made his way down to the hospital ward. His heartbeat quickened as he approached his destination. Harry couldn't stop thinking about the condition Remus had been in last night; how he had been covered in so much blood…how he had seemed so weak…how he had almost lost him. He felt like a nervous parent checking on a newborn baby while he slept to make sure he was still breathing, but Harry couldn't help it. Never before had he had anything close to being a family, and he was endlessly worried about the man he had come to depend on.

He soon entered the infirmary and made a beeline to Remus.

"How are you?" asked Harry, walking up to his bed and leaning his hands on the frame of the foot board.

Remus was currently attempting to eat a bit of food, but was managing poorly due to the painful weakness in his limbs. Most of the food ay cold and uneaten on the tray in front of him. It was clear that the blood restorative potion Madam Pomfrey had given him was still affecting his mobility.

"Back again already?" asked Remus, as he slowly brought a cold piece of chicken to his mouth and proceeded to chew with some difficulty.

"I asked you _question_," Harry responded in a teasing tone.

"I'm fine," he said, waving his hand as if to dismiss the possibility that he wasn't.

"Okay, how are you _really_ doing?" Harry persisted, as he sat beside Remus on the bed.

"I've been better," he finally replied with a heavy sigh. He shifted his position so that he could sit up more and his face grimaced with pain. "At least I only have to be in this stupid bed one more day."

The werewolf's condition had greatly improved over night and into the following day, but Madam Pomfrey still insisted that Remus needed to rest in the infirmary. She was certain that if she discharged him, he wouldn't take care of himself properly and would have a relapse. During the rest of Harry's visit, she pestered Remus with potions and endless questions about how he was feeling. It was difficult to hold a conversation as she continued to hover around them. For once, Harry was grateful that it wasn't him that was gaining the school nurse's bed side wrath. She could be quite intimidating in her motherly-do-as-I-say-or-else kind of way. Even Snape had a hard time managing her, and he could argue with the best of them.

Noticing that the sky outside had turned considerably darker; Harry decided it was time to excuse himself. "I guess I should be going now," said Harry as he stood up to leave. He had already been there nearly an hour and he still had some things he needed to do.

"Thanks, Harry," said Remus, as he grabbed Harry's hand.

Harry turned around and stared down at his tired face. "For what?"

"For taking the time to keep an old man company. I really appreciate it…"

Harry smiled down at him and said, "No problem."

"Maybe we can talk some more tomorrow when I get out of here," he offered. "Something you said last night has been on my mind."

"Uh… sure…" said Harry apprehensively. Unfortunately, he couldn't tell Remus that by tomorrow he would already be gone in search of Sirius. Beltane was fast approaching. He briefly wondered what Remus wanted to talk about. Was it about the information he shared about possibly bringing Sirius back?

Remus, knowing Harry so well now, picked up on the change in the tone of his voice instantly. "What? What is it?"

"Nothing… I just remembered that I promised Draco that I would meet him tonight." It wasn't a _total_ lie. He had told Draco he would see him later.

"Oh," said Remus, but he was sure that the man hadn't believed him. "Alright then… hurry along. Can't keep lover boy waiting," he added playfully.

"I'll see you _later_," Harry replied as he reached down one last time to hug him. A small part of him realized that should anything go wrong in his plans tonight, this may very well be the last time either of them saw one another. "I love you," he whispered as he walked away.

With the knowledge that Remus was going to be alright and that his training would soon begin, Harry concentrated on his upcoming task as he walked toward the Room of Requirement. Sadly, meeting Draco ended up being a complete and utter disaster.

Harry had found him napping on one of the couches when he entered the room. He stealthily crept towards his sprawled body, kneeled beside the couch, and awoke his love with a chaste kiss on the lips. Draco awoke with a startled smile on his face.

"I wondered when you would get here," he said sleepily. "I literally got tired of waiting." Draco yawned dramatically and turned to face Harry.

"Sorry, I wanted to check on Remus one last time," he replied in a dejected tone.

"What do you mean 'one last time'?" said Draco quizzically as he suddenly sat upright and crossed his arms.

Alarmed by Draco's body language, Harry quickly replied, "Nothing… I just meant one last time before I came here to snog you senseless."

"Oh…then by all means… please proceed." Draco plastered his signature smirk onto his face and seemed to forget about Harry's little slip of the tongue for the time being. The prospect of being alone with Harry again was just too great to pass up.

Neither one said another word as they embraced passionately and began to kiss. Harry climbed onto the couch on top of Draco and fell deeper into his embrace. They both needed this intimate contact desperately as they both felt weight of what was happening around the world. Draco was still thinking about the safety of his mother, and Harry… well, Harry had other things on his mind. A part of him felt like he was saying goodbye to Draco as well in case anything were to happen to him on his journey.

After a lengthy snogging session they lay beside one another quietly. Harry wasn't even aware that he was clinging to Draco tightly until the other made a joke about it. Harry had tried to act casually, like there wasn't any reason for him to be holding on for dear life, but Draco also sensed that something was indeed bothering him. That was the disadvantage to letting others get close to your heart… they can read you like an open book when you want them to the least.

"What is it?" asked Draco as he kissed the top of Harry's head. "Tell me what's on your mind."

"It's nothing… really…" Harry insisted.

"Are you worried about the war?"

"Well, yes, but it's not that…"

"Than there _is_ something wrong… tell me…" Draco sat up quickly and pulled Harry up beside him. His grey-blue eyes searched Harry's face for some kind of answer.

"It's nothing really…"

"C'mon… _please_ tell me…is it about Sirius?"

"Draco it's nothing… leave it alone," said Harry in a frustrated voice.

"No, I won't. You have been acting all distant and mysterious for weeks now and I'm sick of it. What are you hiding from me?" he spat angrily. Something in his eyes told Harry that he knew more than he was letting on.

"It's nothing! Leave me alone."

The blonde continued to question him endlessly, bringing up a variety of issues that could be plaguing him, but Harry refused to admit that anything was wrong. There was no way he was going to reveal to him that he was secretly going to go try to save Sirius. That would mean Draco- and possibly Ron and Hermione- would follow him and he couldn't risk putting their lives at stake for something he was trying to put right.

They each raised their voices increasingly louder until it was clear that an all out argument had erupted. Never before had they fought like this… well, at least not since they had begun a relationship. Harry felt like he was fighting with the _old_ Draco instead of the man he had come to love.

Finally, when it became too much to bear, Harry covered Draco's mouth with his hand and said, "I can't do this anymore… _I love you_… and I refuse to fight over something so stupid! Good night, Draco"

And with that Harry stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind him. He was shaking with emotion as he left, and he felt a huge knot in his chest. He knew that it was the guilt over what he had done eating way at him again. Lying to the man he loved was a horrible thing to do. This certainly wasn't the way Harry wanted to leave things with him. Draco had every right to know what was going on, but Harry refused to say or do anything that might result in Draco getting hurt. In his heart he truly felt that he was keeping the people he loved safe.

Harry swallowed painfully, willing away the thickness in his throat, and made his way towards Gryffindor Tower. The anxiety he was feeling was becoming overwhelming…. so overwhelming, in fact, that he was starting to feel the need to cut again in order release some of pain he was feeling inside. Instead, he went in search of his journal and hoped that it would be enough. Besides, he was secure in the knowledge that he would have to use a blade once again, and he was pretty sure that he could wait until then if necessary.

Lying in the dark for the last few hours, he listened until he was sure that his dorm mates were all asleep. He didn't want to alert anyone that he was leaving because it would rouse too many suspicions. As quiet as the night, Harry slipped out of bed and began to prepare for his impending journey soundlessly.

In theory it all seemed so simple really: fly to the southwest coast of Ireland, find the temple that contained the second veil on Donn Island, use the spell and potion to bring back Sirius, and then fly back. He would really only be gone a few days depending on how things went.

Checking the alarm clock beside his bed, he could see that it was almost midnight- the witching hour. Harry had never felt so anxious or scared in all of his life. He knew what he was doing was risky, but he felt that it was something that he just had to do. If he didn't, he would never be able to forgive himself for leaving Sirius in that hell-like world.

Everything he needed had already been strategically placed beneath his bed for easy access. First he dressed in layers of warm clothing, knowing that if he became warm he could always take off a layer at a time. Spring time can be pretty unpredictable when it comes to weather conditions. One day may feel like a warm sunny day, and the next is more of a reminder of the winter that just passed. And the evenings could be quite chilly as well, so Harry wanted to be well prepared.

Reaching for his glasses that were also on his nightstand, Harry accidentally knocked over a metal frame that contained a picture of his friends. It clattered to the ground noisily, and Harry felt his heart begin thumping wildly. _What if I woke one of them up? _he wondered.

Harry froze hoping that the pale moonlight wouldn't give away his shadowed form standing beside the bed. He listened for signs that someone may be awake and heard Ron roll over in his sleep. His heartbeat quickened once again. It sounded as if he may have actually sat up slightly in bed, but Harry couldn't be sure in the darkness. He feared for a moment that his red headed friend may be lying awake listening as to what had made the noise, but Ron soon rolled back over as if nothing had happened. Harry waited another few minutes until he was sure that Ron had gone back to sleep before he got to work again.

He decided to ignore the frame that still lay on the floor and focused on what he needed to do. Feeling around blindly, he checked everything he had packed earlier in his bag again, and slung it over his shoulder. He then grabbed his broomstick from the corner and a pair of shoes and padded quietly across the room and out the door. It wasn't until he had reached the bottom of the stairs that he deemed it safe to put on his shoes. He had been too afraid that the sounds his footsteps would have awakened his friends, and the last thing that he needed was anyone asking questions.

Sitting there on the steps he took a moment to gather his thoughts about what he needed to do. He briefly reached inside his robes and felt for the magical amulet that still hung around his neck. He then clasped his hand around the chain and pulled out the silver dragon pendant. Harry still couldn't believe that Draco had given him such a precious gift last summer. Holding it up, he watched as its emerald eyes sparkled in the candlelight. It was all he had to alert him of any dangers on his journey and he hoped that it would be enough. The ever growing presence of Death Eaters was on the back of his mind ever since the battle had occurred in Southern England, and he truly didn't know what he would do if he had any fateful encounters with them.

He replaced the dragon to its hiding place beneath his shirt and straightened up. He then began to walk across the common room when he abruptly stopped in the middle as realized what he was about to do. He was setting off on a dangerous mission… alone… without letting anyone know what he was doing. He suddenly felt extremely guilty. He hadn't even gotten a chance to say to goodbye to Ron and Hermione earlier like he had with Remus and Draco. After everything his friends had done for him, didn't he at least owe them the courtesy of leaving a note behind explaining what was happening? It wasn't like he had to tell them exactly where he was going…no, they would only follow… but he could at least explain that he hadn't been captured by Death Eaters or anything serious.

Sighing heavily he walked over to a large desk that lay against the wall opposite of the fireplace. He fumbled around inside the many drawers until he found an old pad of Hogwarts stationary, a quill, and an ink well. He began to write a quick note to his friends explaining everything, when a noise from the stairs got his attention.

"Oh good… you're still here," said Hermione as she descended the steps. She was closely followed by Ron.

Harry's jaw dropped in shock at the sight of his best friends. Both were dressed in outdoor wear and seemed to be fully awake, despite the late hour. They were each carrying a knapsack on their back and a broom as well.

"What the hell is going on?" Harry asked angrily. _How had they found out?_ he wondered. He had been so discreet when he had begun to make his plans that he was sure that there was no way for them to know what he was doing.

"What do mean 'what the _hell_ is going on'?" asked Ron as he walked across the common room to stand beside Harry. He plunked his knapsack down onto the floor and lifted his broom off of his shoulder.

"You know what I mean… why are you both up?" he snapped back.

"Because we're coming with you, of course," said Hermione in a matter-of-fact tone as she stood beside Ron.

"Oh _no_ you're _not_! Besides who said I was going anywhere?" he countered.

"Isn't it a little obvious?" said Ron as he gestured towards Harry's gear lying beside the desk. His eyes traveled to the piece of stationary lying on the table top and he picked it up before Harry could snatch it away. "Hey, Hermione, looks like you won the bet. He _was_ going to leave us a note before he set off on his own."

"I told you that he wouldn't just leave without saying anything. He knows how upset we would have been," said Hermione as she peered over Ron's arm to read Harry's messy scrawl.

"Give that back!" Harry shouted. "I don't want you to read it now!" He tried to grab the letter, but his short stature left him ill suited to reach as high as Ron was now holding it.

"It doesn't matter anyway, Har…" the red head said as he crumpled up the stationary and chucked into a nearby waste paper basket. "We already know what you are up to."

"How? Did you read my journal or something?" he asked fearfully. There were so many personal thoughts written down in his journal that he couldn't bear it if anyone read it. The very thought felt like his soul was being ripped out his body.

"No, of course not, Harry. That's private!" Hermione insisted. "We would never do that to you."

"Then how the hell did you find out? I didn't say anything!" he yelled. Harry was really getting upset now. He didn't want anyone coming with him, and it was clear that it would be difficult to leave now without his friends knowing.

"We _know_," they both said at once and rolled their eyes in frustration. Harry wasn't sure he liked his two friends ganging up on him like this. Hermione, he was used to, but Ron and Hermione together seemed like an unstoppable force.

"You know, we gave you several chances to come clean, Harry…" Hermione began. "We asked you repeatedly to let us know what you were researching."

"Come clean? But there is nothing going on!" Harry yelled indignantly. He knew that it was pointless to hide the fact that he was going to try and save Sirius, but it was worth the effort if it meant that his friends would be safe.

Ron's face became an angry red as he shouted, "I can't believe you are going to stand here and lie to us still!"

Hermione placed a hand gently on his arm as if to remind him that they had to stay calm. Ron closed his eyes took a deep breath and let it out slowly. When he opened his eyes again he seemed calmer. The change was amazing and it revealed just how much Hermione's influence had an affect on him. "Harry, don't lie to us… please… not after everything that has happened…" Ron tried again.

"I don't want to lie, but I don't want you guys coming with me either… I didn't want you to even know at all until I came back," Harry said softly.

"That's why we… well _I…_ had to do some investigative work of my own," said Hermione. "You're not the only one who is all _buddy-buddy_ with Madam Pince now."

"She sold me out?" he said incredulously.

"Well, it's not like you didn't tell her not to, and you did return all the materials you had been using to the library. She just figured that since we had originally started searching the library together that I wanted the same information that she had provided to you. I guess she thought we were working on some project together."

"How did you know I was leaving tonight?" Harry asked curiously.

"Well, it wasn't hard to figure out the time frame in which you would leave. I read the information about the veil being the thinnest around Samhain and Beltane so we figured you would try to make it for the spring festival. We weren't really sure which night you would leave, but we had a pretty good idea. Ron here hasn't slept a wink all week making sure that you didn't leave without us knowing," Hermione replied nodding in her boyfriend's direction with a proud look on her face.

"How did you figure out I would be flying?"

"Well, we know how much you hate using the floo and portkeys, and apparating is out of the question since you don't know how… flying was just a natural conclusion," said Ron.

"Hey guys, let me in…" said a muffled voice suddenly from the other side of the portrait hole.

"Well… I never!" said the painting of the fat lady, as that same someone began to knock loudly on the painting's frame.

"That must be Draco," said Hermione. She brushed past Harry and pushed open the painting to allow Draco entrance.

"How does _he_ know what's going on?" asked Harry. "It's the middle of the night!"

"Nice to see you too, love," said Draco, who seemed a bit of breath. Harry wondered if he had run all the way here from the Slytherin dorms. The tall blonde smiled mischievously at Harry as he and Hermione joined the others. He was carrying a knapsack and a broom with him as well, and it was becoming more and more apparent that the three of them had planned this little intervention long ago. Standing side by side defiantly, Harry's closest friends had effectively formed a human wall between him and his exit.

"Well, that was really a stroke of genius on Draco's part… he transfigured some buttons to work as a sort of signal system. As soon as Ron heard you leave tonight, he activated his button with his wand, which sent a signal to our buttons. They lit up like a Christmas tree and began vibrating. It would be impossible to sleep with something like that attached to your clothing," explained Hermione.

"What? Let me see…" demanded Harry.

Draco and Hermione each pulled out an old S.P.E.W. badge from their pockets. They were apparently left over from Hermione's days of pursuing house elf rights. Ron looked a little less enthusiastic about showing him his button, and Harry soon realized it was because his said "_Weasley is our king!_" Just as Harry was going to shoot a knowing glance in Draco's direction, Ron tapped his button with his wand four times, which then activated the other two. Sure enough, the light display that emanated from the buttons was quite amazing. Draco seemed to be grinning from ear to ear over his sheer brilliance over such a creation, but Harry knew that part of his smirk stemmed from the opportunity to give a jab at Ron's ego once again.

"So you're telling me that you have known all along that I was planning on saving Sirius, figured out where I was going, when I was approximately leaving, and then devised a plan to alert one another so that you could mess up my plans. How could you guys possibly plan all of this without me knowing?"

"Very carefully…" Ron muttered under his breath. "It's no different than you keeping secrets from us."

"But I don't understand something…I thought you two still hated each other," said Harry as he looked back and forth between Ron and Draco.

"We have had our moments, but looking after you has kind of brought us all together," replied Draco, who gave the other two a lopsided smile.

"Yeah… once you get past Draco's I'm-such-an-arrogant-git routine, he's not such a bad guy," said Ron in a dead pan voice.

"Hey," said Draco, shoving Ron playfully. "You know you're not such easy bloke to get along with either."

"Alright, alright... enough already. You two drive me nuts," said Hermione shaking her head in frustration. "Anyway, Harry… we have been secretly planning all of this for a while now because we had a sneaking suspicions that you would try to do something utterly stupid. It looks like we were right about everything."

Harry shook his head in disbelief while the other three looked at him with anticipation. "No… this isn't happening… you three are staying here…" he said firmly.

"I don't think so," said Draco. "You either go with the three of us or not at all. I'm sorry, but that's the way it's gotta be." He took a step towards Harry, closing in the space between them as if to reiterate the point he had just made.

"No! I'm leaving without you all and you can't stop me. I'll stun you if I have to," said Harry looking at Draco directly. He made a movement to grab his wand, but Ron's hand on his arm stopped him.

"You pull that wand and you will be stunned right along with him," said Ron seriously. As if on cue, they all pulled their wands from their pockets and glanced at each other nervously.

"Why are you doing this? Why can't you understand why I need to do this alone?" said Harry almost desperately. He looked into Draco's eyes and prayed that he would just let him do what he needed to do.

"Because we _don't_ understand… after everything we have been through, why can't you trust us? Why can't you trust _me_?" asked Draco. He raised his hand towards Harry's face and cupped his chin gently. "I asked you what was going on earlier. I even asked you directly if what you were hiding had anything to do with Sirius. Why are you hiding from me?"

Harry pulled away from Draco's reach and turned to the side in an attempt to distance himself slightly. He then crossed his arms over his chest and thought frantically for something to say that would make them understand. In the end, he could only think of one thing to say. "Because I could never forgive myself if anything were to happen to you… I already live with the guilt over the others everyday… it eats me alive…"

Draco and the others looked at one another quickly before turning back to him. It was Hermione that spoke next. "Harry, I think we understand, but can you explain it to us anyway," she tried.

"You don't know what its like to feel responsible for so many deaths… first my parents, then Cedric and Sirius, and now so many others… It's too dangerous out there with the Death Eaters and Dementors waging war on us… I couldn't bear it if any of you died… I think I would die too…"

"But Harry, that's exactly how we feel about you…" said Draco. "Why can't you see that?"

"What?" asked Harry, turning back towards them.

"You say you live with the guilt everyday… but you couldn't possibly have done anything to stop the death of your parents, Cedric, or Sirius. Nor could you have prevented the battle in Dartmoor. It wasn't your fault!"

Ron stepped into the conversation and finished what Draco was trying to say. "Draco's right, Harry; none of that was your fault… whether you believe it or not… but this is a different case entirely. What kind of friends would we be if we knowingly allowed you to set off on some dangerous mission on your own? What if something happened to you? What if you were captured by Death Eaters and tortured or killed? I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing that I could have somehow stopped you or at least been at your side."

"Even if it means that you would die too?" asked Harry, staring at his best friend fearfully.

"Absolutely. I would die to protect you. Any of us would," he replied. The other two nodded in consent.

"But I don't want you to die…"

"And we won't… not as long as we stick together… four wands are always better than one," said Draco.

"Can't you see what you mean to us? How much we love you?" asked Hermione.

"I guess I'm starting to…" Harry replied, as he stared uncomfortably at the floor. He knew how much his friends cared about him, but he had been conditioned to feel alone and unloved for so long, that it was still difficult to believe it sometimes. It felt almost too good to be true. Sighing deeply, he knew that he owed them an apology. "I'm sorry I kept all of this from all of you…"

"Just see that it doesn't happen again," said Draco pulling him into a hug. He kissed his temple and then buried his forehead into Harry's shoulder, pulling him in closer. Harry breathed in his scent and felt the comfort in knowing that he truly wasn't alone. "I love you… stop shutting me out," he whispered. Harry nodded into his shoulder and squeezed him tightly.

"Hey, we want to get some hugs in too," said Hermione as she nudged Draco out of the way to allow herself and Ron to also show Harry how much he meant to them.

"You guys are the best friends a guy could ever have..." Harry said, as they finally parted.

"We know," said Ron.

"I can't believe you were actually going to go on this mission all on your own," said Draco incredulously.

Harry shrugged like it was no big deal. "I was just trying to keep you guys safe."

"Speaking of which, do you still want to go save Sirius now that the three of us will be tagging along?" asked Hermione.

"I have to … I couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least try… besides, I don't know if I can live with his memories in my dreams for the rest of my life."

"You're still dreaming his memories?" asked Draco. Harry nodded in response. "Any voices?"

"Not since… well, you know…." The others nodded in relief, remembering what happened the last time Harry thought he was hearing voices.

"Well, let's do this then. Let's go bring Sirius home," said Ron, clapping his hand on Harry's shoulder affectionately.

"So what's the plan?" asked Draco.

"Well, I had planned on flying approximately south-south west through Scotland. I wanted try to make at least half the trip tonight. If possible, I want to cross the North Channel before morning and then rest on the shore of Northern Ireland."

The others looked at him incredulously. "Have you ever been on a broom that long?" asked Ron.

"Well, no… but I was on a broom for a couple of hours when the Order brought me to Grimmauld Place. Listen, I know that sounds like long a flight but Beltane is almost here. There is now…" Harry said looking at his watch, "less than 24 hours left before I need to perform the spell and make the potion."

"Then I guess we have no choice," said Hermione. Her jaw was set tightly against her face and Harry knew that she was mentally calculating how long she would be on a broom. Although she was a superbly talented witch, she had never really taken to flying the way the rest of them had.

"Let's check out those maps of yours before we leave," said Ron. Harry pulled out his maps and pointed to the red line that depicted the path he had chosen to navigate. "This all looks pretty good… except that… well, I don't think you should cross the North Channel so far to the south… I owled Percy last week and he compiled a list of known Death Eater locations and Stanraer was mentioned briefly in an auror's report. I think that crossing from here is a better alternative." He pointed to a location on the shore of Scotland a few miles north of the previous location.

"If we cross here we will make it to Northern Ireland somewhere near the Giant's Causeway," said Harry looking up from the map to peer into Ron's eyes. "Do you know if there were any Death Eaters seen in this part of the country?"

"Percy didn't mention it, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. Judging from the attack on Dartmoor there could have been a lot of movement in just the last week or so."

"But how will we know we are going in the right direction?" Hermione inquired.

"Well, I do have a compass… and we could always use a 'Point Me' spell of we get off track," said Harry.

"And I am pretty familiar with most of Britain. I traveled with my family a lot when I was younger so I should be able to determine by the landscape if we are going in the right direction," Draco offered.

"Sounds good, let's go!" said Ron. He grabbed his things from beside the common room's desk and began to walk towards the portrait hole. Harry and Draco made movements to follow.

"Wait!" Hermione yelled. "Are we absolutely sure we are prepared for everything?'

"Ugh…'Mione… we're wasting time," said Ron impatiently. "We have plenty of food, water, bedding, and clothing, and we're not going to be gone that long. And you've got those bloody ruin translation books that you insisted on bringing. What else do we need?"

"I'm not sure, but I feel like I'm forgetting something…"

"Listen, Hermione, we need to move. I have my cauldron and all the ingredients I need for the potion. I have my mother's journal, some clothing I have altered for Sirius, and three maps. We aren't forgetting anything. Let's move!"

"No wait! What about Remus?"

"What about him?" said Harry, looking at his friend quizzically. He was pretty sure that he knew what she was alluding to.

"Shouldn't we at least tell him something? He is going to be worried sick!"

"Hermione, don't fight me on this one… please… it's bad enough the three of you are coming along. I don't want Remus to come after us in the condition that he is in…"

"But Harry…"

"Granger, Harry made it clear that he didn't even want us to know. I doubt he wants to tell the one person that is going to run after him to make sure he is alright. He's still in the hospital for Merlin's sake," said Draco, jumping to Harry's defense.

"Fine, I guess I understand. But do you think it is really wise that we're leaving without notifying a professor? I mean we are doing something that could be quite dangerous… no one would know where we were if anything should happen to us…"

"We're not telling anyone…" said Harry as he crossed his arms defiantly and glared at her.

"But if you would just listen…" she tried to explain.

"We're not telling anyone!"

"But I could just…"

"Hermione, we're not tell…" Harry was never able to finish his sentence because his bushy haired friend cast a silencing spell on him. Harry continued to yell, but nothing came out of his mouth. Draco was about to argue that Hermione should mind her own business, but saw that she had turned her wand in his direction. He immediately quieted.

"There, that's better. As I was trying to say… I think we should write Remus or one of the other professors a letter explaining where we have gone off to, but put it on a time lock so that Hedwig can't deliver it until… say 24 hours from now… that way if something were to go wrong they would know where we were and what was going on."

"Hey… that actually sounds like a good idea, Harry," said Ron. "I've never used it before, but there is a time lock box in the owlery specifically for that purpose. What do you say?"

Harry looked at each of his friends faces and finally stopped to look at Draco for some kind of guidance. Draco consented that it did sound like the best way to fulfill their mission and still remain safe. Harry agreed as well, albeit reluctantly.

Hermione lifted the silencing spell, and Harry fetched another piece of stationary in order to write his letter. It took a little longer than he expected because he found himself trying to explain to Remus what he was doing in a way that wouldn't make him feel slighted. When he was somewhat satisfied with what he wrote, the four friends made their way to the owlery.

"Hello girl," said Harry as he approached his beloved pet. "Sorry I've been such a stranger. I'm going to go find an old friend of yours, but I need you to do something for me. I'm going to go put this letter in that red box over there. It's going to hold on to this until it's time to deliver it. When you see it pop out I need you to deliver it to Remus. Can you do that, Hedwig?"

The snowy white owl ruffled her feathers indignantly. Harry knew she didn't like to wait, but he had no choice. "Please…." he pleaded. After some bird-like contemplation, she nipped his fingers affectionately and hooted to show she understood. "Thanks girl… I will see you soon."

Hermione performed the spell to lock the box and set the time once the letter was safely tucked inside. They then made their way outside and stopped only when they had reached the edge of the forbidden forest.

"Okay guys, this is it. There's no turning back once we get started," said Harry, checking his compass one last time before they took off.

"We're coming with you so stop stalling already," said Ron. He then mounted his broom and flew a couple of circles around the others impatiently.

"Get back down here, Ron," said Harry. "It's dangerous to travel by broomstick even at night. Death Eaters would be able to spot us with no trouble at all. I think we should cast a Disillusionment Charm on all of us."

"I've heard of that charm before, but I've never seen it used," said Ron, as he reached the ground once again. "It's supposed to turn you into some sort of chameleon."

"You don't really turn into a chameleon; your body just takes on the appearance of whatever is behind you. I've never cast one myself, but Moody put one on me when the Order brought me to Number 12 Grimmauld Place. I _think_ I can do it too…"

Hermione looked appalled at the idea of any experimental spell casting. "Think? You're kidding me right, Harry? Please tell me you have at least read about the proper enunciation and wand movement associated with this spell."

"Sorry, no…but I do know how to remove it," he offered.

Hermione sighed in frustration and waved her hand as if to say _Well, then get on with it already…_

Harry pointed his wand at Ron and clearly said "_DEFLUO!" _ Slowly, Ron's tall frame began to vanish before their very eyes. All that was left of him was a faint outline of his body. It was as if they were looking directly through him, but that the scenery behind him was somehow distorted. Even his pack on his back and broomstick, which he was still holding, took on the altered appearance.

"Wicked!" said Ron, as he attempted to look down to see his own body. "This is better than your invisibility cloak, Harry! Why didn't we ever think of doing this before?"

"Because we hadn't learnt it yet, Ron!" said Hermione, who had rolled her eyes at her child-like boyfriend. She in turn cast the same spell on Draco, who looked a bit surprised at the sudden action.

Harry quickly cast the spell on her, while Draco cast one at him. The familiar sensation overtook him quickly. It felt as though someone had broken an egg on his head, like a flood of cold running down over him. Soon the four friends were near invisible to the world around them. Thankfully, they were able to make out each other's facial features and body somewhat so it wasn't impossible to know where each other was at any one time.

Relieved that they were virtually invisible, they mounted their brooms quickly and took off in the chilly night air. The cloudless sky was illuminated by a waxing crescent moon and thousands of stars that twinkled above. They soon formed a tight diamond formation that would allow each other to converse if necessary and notice anyone's change in flight speed or direction. Being the more experienced flyer, Harry took the lead so that the others could fly in his draft. Hermione and Ron flanked either side of him on the left and right respectively. And Draco took up the rear. (A/N: I know that line sounds really funny, but I couldn't think of how to change it. Plus I kind of liked it. LOL).

Although there wasn't as much to see in the darkness of the night, the view was still spectacular nonetheless. Trees swayed softly in the wind, Lakes and rivers glittered in the moonlight, and every now and then they could see the twinkling lights of various Muggle towns and cities. It felt as though they were the only ones awake for miles around, and there was never any indication that they were being watched or followed in any way.

They flew silently over the countryside over the next several hours. Conversation while flying proved to be more difficult than they had assumed because the wind nearly drowned out their voices. Instead they each took to focusing on their mission. Flying all the way across Scotland, then over the sea, and through most of Ireland seemed to become more and more a daunting task as each hour past.

Harry had yet to reveal the true nature of the potion and spell that he had to cast in order to bring back Sirius. And he wasn't exactly looking forward to explaining what he had to do to the others. He knew the conversation would turn up eventually so for most of the journey he tried to think of what he was going to say to make them understand.

The foursome decided to only stop to take a break for a few minutes at a time. They made sure that they were adequately hydrated and that no one seemed so tired that they might fall off their broom. The group tried to keep on moving at all costs just in case they were being tailed by some unseen threat. None of the boys had wanted to admit that they were practically freezing to death flying up there for so long, but each readily agreed to submit to one of Hermione's warming charms once she proposed it. With their thirst quenched from a swig of water, and their bodies considerably warmer, the rest of their night journey went much more smoothly.

Near day break, the group found themselves resting on a rocky shore of Scotland near the North Channel. Harry insisted that they cross the sea before morning due to the late start on their journey. After resting almost a half an hour and eating a few scones Dobby had packed, the group set out over their most difficult leg of the mission. Should anything happen while they crossed the sea, there would be almost no chance of a rescue.

With much determination, the group mounted their brooms one last time that morning. Because they were traveling over open water, there was less likely a chance that anyone would spot them. Harry decided to lift the Disillusionment Charm for the purpose of safety. It would be much easier to determine if anyone were in danger if they were visible once more.

"Now hold still so that I can do this properly," said Harry. "_EXSISTO!"_

Each of his friends gradually reappeared until their bodies looked solid once more. Draco performed the same counter charm on him and he soon felt a trickling of warmth cover his tired body.

Glancing around at their tired faces, Harry knew that he was pushing them harder than anyone had ever done before. "Are you sure you guys still want to do this now? We can always cross the sea later?" asked Harry.

"No, let's get this over with. I think I'm getting my second or third wind. I'd sleep much better knowing that this part of our journey was over with," said Ron.

"I agree," said Hermione with a slight yawn. "But can we do this as quickly as possible? We're all getting pretty knackered."

"You want to fly full speed across the sea?" asked Draco. Hermione hadn't hidden the fact from them that she was still fearful of flying, and it was amazing that she was willing to fly full speed if necessary to cross the North Channel.

"Might as well get it over with, don't you think?" she said.

"Alright. Everyone ready?"

They all nodded and resumed the diamond position they had become accustomed to flying in. Harry took it easy at first and slowly leaned his body forward, accelerating his broom at an increasing pace. Glancing behind his shoulder ever so often to ensure that the others were still in line behind him, Harry quickened the pace until they were flying at near breakneck speeds. Fortunately, the ever rising sun was to their backs so they didn't have to squint into its offending light. After almost twenty minutes of death defying flying they slowed their pace as land became visible.

Harry glanced back once more and saw that the flight was as exhilarating for Draco and Ron as it had been for him. Hermione looked a little green after their long flight and he knew that he would have to find a place for them to rest soon.

When they reached the shore on the other side of the North Channel, they were met by an awesome sight. The Giant's Causeway.

Both Muggles and wizards alike have told legends about the origins of the mammoth stone structure and it was easy now to see why. The Giant's Causeway lay at the foot of the basalt cliffs along the coast of Northern Ireland on the edge of the Antrim plateau. It was made up of a field of 40,000 rough hexagonal basalt columns created by volcanic activity long ago. Each massive black column stuck up right out of the sea like some kind of ancient stepping stone used by behemoth like creatures. Some reached heights of 40 feet high.

The group followed the strange stone structure inland. The sun had come up fully by now and they knew they had to seek shelter soon. The Giant's Causeway was a popular tourist attraction and it went without saying that four teenagers on brooms would attract more attention than the stone structures would that morning. They needed to find cover quickly.

Harry headed straight towards a wooded area and searched for a place to rest where they wouldn't be noticed. As luck would have it, he found a rocky outcropping in the center of the forest that housed a small cave. It wasn't large enough to contain all four of them, but the stone ledge above the cave created a canopy that would help shield them from prying eyes. They would rest here for most of the day and set off again in the late afternoon for Donn Island.

Hermione quickly laid out four blankets on the ground and handed each a canister of water. When they all had adequately quenched their thirsts, they lay down beside one another quietly. Everyone was too tired for words. Hermione curled up beside Ron looking a little less green than she had earlier. The two were soon fast asleep.

Draco wrapped a protective arm around Harry, and pulled him closer. Despite their risky mission Harry felt oddly safe and secure in his boyfriend's arms. He temporarily put all worries about being able to save Sirius out of his mind. He reassured himself that they were already over half way to their destination, and allowed his over exhausted body to drift asleep without worry. He had no way of knowing the dangers that the rest of his journey would bring.

A/N: I hoped you like the chapter. I know you waited quite a while for it. The next one will mostly be about their adventures while traveling, and the following chapter will be when they arrive at Donn Island. By the way _DEFLUO_ means "disappear" and _EXSISTO_ means "appear" in Latin.

A/N2: I don't know if I'm really supposed to be leaving such long responses to my reviewers in each chapter, or if I'm allowed to respond to you at all. I have seen quite a few opinions about it in other fics. Some one please let me know what the policy is on that. I love doing it, but I don't want to get in trouble. I already had one little altercation with with BMTL. So if in the future I group responses together or not write back to you at all, please don't take offense and feel like I'm slighting you. I love each and every one of you. I just don't want my story taken down again.

**Many thanks to all my reviewers and my lovely beta Drae.**


	29. Misadventures

A/N: Sorry it took me so long to update. I hope this extra long chapter makes up for it. A lot happens in this chapter and it took me a while to sort out each scene and connect them together. Many of you were surprised to see that all four friends set out on the journey together, but I hope that it was a good surprise. It didn't feel right to have just any one of them go with Harry. Just so you know I have taken a little liberty with the following scene, but I feel that I have stayed true to canon with the limited detail JKR has provided us with.

**Chapter 29- Misadventures**

_Sirius had only just received the owl with the life shattering news a half an hour ago and he was already on his way to Godric's Hollow. He had to see it with his own eyes… to know what Dumbledore had said was true… that Lily and James were really gone._

_The letter came to him while he was checking in on Peter, who had gone into hiding in order to help keep the Potters safe. Oddly enough, Peter wasn't at his hiding place when Sirius arrived. There was no sign of a struggle at the safe house so Sirius had figured he had just left on his own. But something hadn't felt right about the whole situation, and it scared him. He was about to leave to check on the Potters when a large tawny owl came in bearing the Hogwarts crest on its chest. The shocking news that the bird of prey carried had nearly floored him. He quickly gathered some sense of composure and set out to find the truth for himself._

_Flying his enchanted motorcycle high above the clouds, it would've been easy to assume that everything that just happened had been some kind of nightmare. Above the rest of the world with the stars overhead everything seemed so surreal. _

This can't really be happening, _he told him so over and over again. _

_A part of him was still in denial, and he felt dazed about the whole situation. But he could feel his heart thumping wildly in his chest and the adrenaline coursing through his veins, both reminding him that he was very much alive and that this wasn't some kind of awful dream. He really was flying to the home of his best friends to see for himself what had really happened on this terrible night only moments earlier. _

_A small part of him secretly hoped that the headmaster was wrong about everything, or at the very least there was some small chance that he might still be able to save them. After all, Dumbledore had been notified by owl himself and had yet to confirm what he had said in person._

_Knowing that he was nearing the house, he decelerated slowly and began to lower the motor bike through the clouds. He was truly unprepared for the sight he beheld once he looked at the scene below him._

_In the sky above the Potters' property was the ominous Dark Mark that conjured fear in the hearts of every witch and wizard. The Dark Mark was a large green skull that contained a serpent protruding from its mouth, and the wispy shape eerily seemed to be watching the horror below. The symbol while somewhat gruesome wasn't dangerous in itself. The meaning behind its presence is what terrified them all. For it represented only one thing… death. Without a doubt Sirius knew that Voldemort and the Death Eaters had been here tonight._

Oh no_, he thought. _It really is true

_He lowered his motorcycle even further and prepared to land. Sirius searched the ground below, dreading what he would find next. Where there once stood a quaint little white house, was now a pile of ruins. Amazingly some of the walls still stood erect, while others were damaged beyond repair. Fires had broken out from various places around the house, and smoke had begun to steadily rise from the ruins as the house continued to smolder. Sirius was mesmerized by the morbid scene below. He watched a second or two longer as the ominous flames tried to lick the dark clouds above, growing more and more monstrous as they swayed in the wind._

_Staring at the pile of rubble, Sirius felt his heart catch in his throat. "No, this can't be happening!" he screamed into the night._

_He wondered if anyone had notified Remus yet. There wasn't another full moon for another week or so. Where was he at a time like this? And where was Peter for that matter? And why wasn't he at the safe house? Surely Dumbledore would have also contacted the other two when he heard from Hagrid what had happened. Did Peter already know? Is that why he had left?_

_He quickly landed his bike in the street in front of the demolished home, and stood on shaky legs trying to understand what he was seeing. He took a few hesitant steps forward and saw that the once beloved possessions of James and Lily seemed to have been smashed into smithereens. Shards of wood, metal, and plastic littered the front lawn of their home like confetti left over from some party._

_It was then that it hit him. What if James and Lily were still alive somehow and were buried under the rubble? The sudden realization of what that meant set him into action. He ran across the lawn like a crazed man, screaming into the night._

"_JAMES! LILY! OH GODS… HARRY! WHERE ARE YOU!" _

_There seemed to be no easy way to gain access to the house with all the debris that was in the way. Some type of explosion must have caused the house to shatter in order for it to look like this. Desperate to find his friends he began throwing aside large pieces of wood and metal all the while screaming and begging for his friends to respond to him. As hard as he tried it seemed as if he wasn't making any progress._

_After trying to lift a particularly heavy beam, Sirius's ears picked up on a very faint sound. A child's cry!_

_Turning in the direction of the crying Sirius saw a large man standing about 50 yards away with his back to him. He ran towards him, realizing that it could only be one person that had the same giant like frame. He hoped that little Harry was safe in his arms._

"_Hagrid!"__Sirius yelled as he approached his giant friend. "Is Harry okay? You've got help me find James and Lily!" He wasn't ready to accept what Dumbledore had told him in the letter._

_Sirius walked in front of Hagrid and saw how distraught he was._

"_They're gon'," moaned Hagrid, turning towards the dark haired man. "James an' Lily are gon'…"_

_Tears trickled down the giant's face and got caught in his scraggly beard. Sirius looked at him in horror, trying to process what he was saying. First Dumbledore… now Hagrid… don't they understand that there might still be a chance…_

"_What do you mean? We can still save them…" said Sirius. The baby's cry caught his attention, and for the first time Sirius realized that Hagrid was in fact holding little Harry in his arms. The poor child was beginning to cry again, wailing for his mother and father. In the darkness Sirius wasn't able to determine if Harry was injured or not, but he seem to be fine other than the oddly shaped trickle of blood that lined his forehead._

"_Sirius… they're gon'…I was jus' going ter stop by fer a chat wi' me ol' friends when I saw the explosion. I found them all inside the ruins."_

_Hagrid stepped aside and revealed to Sirius what he had been blocking from his view. There on the ground, just a few yards away, were the bodies of James and Lily Potter lying side by side…deathly still. At first glance Sirius could have sworn that they were only sleeping. Looking more closely he saw that their clothes were now torn and filthy. James's glasses were missing and his hair seemed messier than usual. Lily's beautiful auburn hair was swirled beneath her head haphazardly and a few stray strands covered her face. It wasn't until Sirius got down on his hands and knees between his friends and saw their faces up close, did he truly believe they were dead. Both of their eyes were still open but all the sparkle and life that they once held were gone. Now their eyes were lifeless and dull, staring hauntingly into the face of death. _

_He reached out his arms and placed a hand gently on each of their chests and hung his head. Their bodies were cold and lifeless beneath his fingers. He could sense that the kindred spirits that had once resided in them had already left for the spirit world._

"_Oh gods… no… not James and Lily… please no…" he moaned as began to process what had happened._

_His heart felt like it was breaking in two. Here was one of his best friends in the whole world and his beautiful wife lying dead. So powerful was the grief that he felt like lying down beside them and ending it all. He didn't want to be in a world when a loving family like the Potters were so shamelessly killed for standing up for what was right._

_Sobbing in agony, Sirius doubled over and gripped the lawn between his fingers trying to steady himself. His own shaky cries drowned the sound of little Harry's wail and Hagrid's poor attempt to calm the child. He cried for his friends… he cried for the injustice of it all… but mostly he cried for what he had lost in life…members of his true family. Long ago he had turned against the Black Family for their allegiance to the Dark Side, and had embraced his friends as his real family. Now James and Lily were gone. He begged the gods for it not to be true, but when he opened his eyes again they were just as they were before. He allowed himself for a few moments to mourn a little longer, but realized he needed to focus on what had happened now. There might still be danger._

_In a last attempt to compose himself; he decided that he would spare them every last shred of dignity. He couldn't bear if anyone else saw the haunted look he had seen in their faces. He reached out with a shaky hand and closed James's eyelids. Never again would he see the laughter behind those blue eyes as they recounted the days of being Marauders. He then did the same for Lily, noticing that her pale eyes no longer resembled Harry's emerald green ones. It was just another chilling reminder that she was really gone. He gently brushed aside the few strands of hair that had been covering her face, and took a shaky breath. With their lifeless eyes now shielded from the world, Sirius could almost pretend once again that they were merely asleep._

_He rose unsteadily to his feet and looked at the carnage around him again. The house was still smoldering and the darkness of the night seemed to have crept into his very heart. Sirius knew that he would never be the same again. Part of his real family was gone. All he had left was Remmy and Peter now. It would have to be enough. He hastily wiped away the falling tears, but to know avail. He couldn't seem to stop crying._

_Suddenly Harry's cries pierced their way into his heart and he realized what the small child was saying._

"_Ma…ma…." Harry cried, trying to reach his arms towards where Lily was lying. Hagrid had turned away so that he couldn't see his dead mother's body, but Harry knew she was there just the same. "Mmmamaaa..." When his mother didn't respond to his desperate plea, he tried to reach his father, "Dadeee…."_

I'm crying that I've lost my best friends when I should really be more concerned that Harry's parents are dead_, he thought to himself. _I'm being selfish

"_Hagrid… let me take him…" Sirius reached for the crying babe._

"_No, I'm sor'ry. Professor Dumbledore sir's orders. I 'ave to take Harry 'ere away once I've gott'n the okay by the Aurors. The Ministry 'as finally gotten their act together an' sent them in."_

_Sirius looked around and saw that investigative Aurors had indeed begun to apparate in to assess the damage. A few began walking towards them._

"_Please, Hagrid. I'm the boy's godfather. I'll look after him…" Sirius stroked Harry's face and tried to calm him, but the small boy wouldn't be comforted. He was hysterical and near hyperventilation as he squirmed in Hagrid's arms. He then got a better look at the boy's forehead and saw that the trickle of blood he saw earlier was in the shape of a lightning bolt. "He's hurt… that doesn't look natural!"_

"_I'm not sure what happened, but I think he'll be okay… I can't let you take 'im. I was told that the boy would go ter his aunt's an' uncle's house. Something abou' 'im being better protected there."_

"_What! You can't do that. Those Muggles are awful! I don't think Lily has even spoken to her sister since the wedding," Sirius argued._

"_I don' know abou' any of that," Hagrid began, "but I'm sure Professor Dumbledore has his reasons. If you explained all of that ter 'im, he migh' reconsider. For now that is where little Harry will go. Sorry… I'm sure this'll all get sort'd out shortly," the large man said, wiping a few stray tears._

_Sirius agreed reluctantly and wrapped his arms tightly around his chest. He was still shaking like a leaf, and the smoke was beginning to make him cough._

"_I'm sor'ry Sirius… I know 'ow close you were to them…" Hagrid said as he placed a large hand on his shoulder. Sirius knew he was trying to comfort him, but it didn't seem like anything would ever take the pain away that he was feeling._

"_You can take my flying motorbike to bring Harry to his relatives. I know you aren't supposed to use magic," Sirius offered._

"_Oh, I can't do that…" Hagrid argued._

"_Take it! I won't need it anymore," he said. In fact, that bike was one of the few joys he had in life. It pained him to see someone else on it, but if it meant Harry's safety then he didn't care. It felt wrong to take joy in something as mundane as a motorbike now that the Potters were gone. If he somehow could trade it in order to bring them back he would. To be honest he didn't really care if he ever saw the bike again._

_Hagrid nodded gratefully and went back to calming Harry whose cries had by now become a dull whimper as he wore himself out._

_Taking one last look as his friends' bodies, Sirius began to walk around the house in a daze trying to figure out what had happened on this Halloween night. _

_How had Voldemort known where the Potters were living? The Order had begun to suspect that there might be a spy among them, but they weren't able to point a finger at anyone yet. Even so it would be impossible to locate them while they were under the protection of the Fidelius Charm. Why just last week Sirius had asked his friends to change their Secret-Keeper to someone else to throw the Death Eaters off track? Peter had readily agreed, so how did they…. PETER!_

"Harry…"

_There would have been no way to locate them unless Peter had told the Death Eaters exactly where they were. He was the traitor!_

_Sirius suddenly realized what he had done. He had as good as killed Lily and James. He was the one to persuade them to use Peter as the Secret-Keeper instead of using him. If it weren't for him, James and Lily would still be here. Tears began streaming down his face and his chest constricted tightly as the guilt became overwhelming._

"Harry…" a voice called again.

_He ran blindly away from the scene desperate to find the bastard that had betrayed him all. He should have known that Peter was working for Voldemort. He was always so skittish during the Order meetings, like he had something to hide. They had all assumed he was just nervous about the war; now it seemed Sirius had a true reason why. _

_With an audible _crack_, Sirius apparated away in search of Peter._ _He would search all night if he had to but nothing was going to stop him from hunting for his ex-friend. Deep down Sirius was scared to admit what he would do if he actually ever found him…_

"Harry…"

Harry's brain was now in that place between dreaming and consciousness. In his mind, he was still reliving Sirius's actions as he searched for Peter. Just as he was about to confront him on the street, he heard his name called again. This time much more forcefully.

"Harry!"

He opened his eyes to a blinding light and found that the sun was now high overhead, blinding him. Turning away from the offending glare, he found Draco looking down at him worriedly.

"Are you okay, love? You were dreaming again, weren't you?" Draco asked gently wiping away the tears that had stained Harry's pale face.

Out of the corner of his eye, Harry could see Ron and Hermione sitting beside one another further back in the small cave, waiting to see if he was alright.

The memory of what he had just dreamt came back with full force, and Harry felt sick to his stomach. He sat up immediately, recognizing what the wave of nausea meant. He quickly began to scurry down the rocky out cropping to the forest below; ignoring his friends worried calls. He nearly fell several times as small rocks loosened and cascaded down the steep hill below him, but he managed to scoot his way along as he suppressed what was rising in the back of his throat.

Finally reaching the soft ground, Harry found himself retching violently on his hands and knees. Unfortunately, he had not eaten much of anything in the last two days because he was too worried about Remus, the battle, and this mission. Now he was dry heaving uncontrollably, as his stomach struggled to empty that which was not there. Tears leaked out of the corner of his eyes once again as he tried to gain some control. He felt a hand on his back rubbing in small circles and soon began to feel better.

Ignoring the other's presence, he crawled over to a nearby tree and propped his back up against it. He brought up his knees and buried his head in his arms, willing the uneasiness to go away.

"Here, drink this…" said Draco, nudging a water canteen towards Harry, who shook his head vehemently. "C'mon, take it. It'll make you feel better."

Wiping away his tears in frustration, Harry took the canteen and took a sip of the cool water. It was rather refreshing. He took a few more careful sips and some of the nausea he had experienced earlier began to go away. He then spilled some of the water onto his hands and washed his reddened face of the tears, sweat, and bile. Feeling a bit better, he rested his head back against the tree and sighed deeply. Why did everything have to seem so overwhelming?

"Are you alright?" Draco asked, sitting beside him and taking Harry into his arms.

"No," he confessed truthfully. Not only did he feel like shit, but he was also embarrassed about being sick in front of his boyfriend.

Draco seemed to be choosing what he wanted to say next. "Do you feel like cutting?" he asked finally, seeing the way that Harry was still shaking.

Harry considered the question for a moment, but realized the answer right away. "No," he replied. In fact, he hadn't even though of it, which was a good sign. "You don't have to worry about that all the time…" he said in a frustrated tone.

"Sorry… I can't help it. I don't mean to sound like I don't trust you."

"I know."

Draco pressed his lips to his temple and pulled him closer. "Which memory was it this time?" he asked carefully. Harry looked up in amazement and saw in his blue-grey eyes a sense of understanding.

"The n-night… the night my p-parents died…The house was in ruins…fires everywhere… I saw their…their dead b-bodies on the ground. I could hear my baby self crying for them, but they wouldn't answer me. They were already gone…"

Draco swallowed deeply and rested his forehead against his. "Oh Harry… I'm sorry you had to see that…"

Afterwards, Draco held him for a long while and said nothing. Harry was eternally grateful. There really wasn't anything he could say right now to make him feel any better, but he did feel comforted in Draco's arms.

"I know deep down that it's not really my fault so why do I feel so guilty all the time…" he whispered aloud.

"I really don't know, Harry. Maybe it's just because you care about everyone so much. You're such a good person that you feel responsible for everyone's well being."

"I don't know. I guess you're right," said Harry, not really sure what to believe any more. "Hermione told me once that I had a hero complex. Do you think that's true?" Harry waited a long while for Draco's response. It seemed as if the blonde were choosing his words carefully.

"No… you just want to keep everyone you love safe. There isn't anything wrong with that… as long as you stay safe too…" Draco offered. Harry nodded; wanting to believe what he said was true.

After a while, Draco stood up and helped Harry up by the elbow. Pulling him close, he hugged him once more and ran his fingers through his messy hair to soothe him. Part of Harry wanted to reach up and kiss the blonde for being so loving, but figured that he would save him the horror of what his breath must smell like right now.

Pressed against Draco's chest, Harry noticed the others climbing down from the cave and coming towards them. They must have watched and waited until they felt it was appropriate to join them again. As they parted, Ron and Hermione came up beside them. Burdened with carrying all of their gear, they set it down quickly and ignored the dirty look Draco gave the couple for disturbing their private moment.

"Alright there Harry?" asked Ron. Harry was beginning to feel a weird sense of déjà vu every time his best friend said that, which was all too often.

"Alright," he replied. "Just a bad reaction to a dream I had, I guess. I'm feeling better now." He was telling them the truth for once; he did feel better, at least physically he did.

"Do you want to talk about it?" asked Hermione hopefully.

"Not really… if you don't mind…"

Harry could see the disappointment in Hermione's eyes as she quickly glanced at Draco. He knew that Ron and Hermione were sometimes jealous of his relationship with Draco, but they never said anything. For so long it was just the three of them that had shared everything. Many of their friends still called them the Golden Trio. The friendly branding was something of a mystery; nobody could remember who exactly had coined that term, but almost everyone had used the title at one point or another.

Things had changed slightly when Draco entered the picture, especially after what happened on New Years. Harry was still amazed the two boys were able to put aside their differences in order to do what was best for Harry, but the tension between them was still evident. It was still an adjustment for Ron and Hermione to realize that Harry would tell Draco private things that he didn't want to share with anyone else.

"That's fine Harry, but we'll always be here to listen when you need us," she replied.

"Thanks, 'Mione."

"No problem. I don't know about you guys, but I'm feeling pretty restless," said Hermione. "Do you want to start flying again?"

"Yeah, but we probably shouldn't… There are too many Muggle tourists in this region and even flying under the disillusionment charm may cause attention. Plus there may be Death Eaters in this area that we don't know about. I would feel safer on the ground under the cover of the trees. I'm thinking we should wait until at least late afternoon before we are in the air again," said Harry. He checked his watch and confirmed what he had suspected earlier from the position of the sun, it was only noon time. They still had 12 hours left until he had to perform the spell, and the rest of their flight should only take them about four to five hours at the most.

"Well, why don't we take a walk? The scenery is certainly beautiful here," said Ron taking in the surroundings.

Draco looked somewhat relieved that they wouldn't be mounting their brooms so soon. "Sounds good to me," he said. He loved flying as much as anyone else but being on a thin piece of wood hundreds of feet in the air for endless hours was a little disconcerting.

After sitting on a broom all night and huddled together in the little cave, their legs were still feeling quite cramped. A good walk was just what they all needed. The small group gathered their things and set off, walking in a westerly direction deeper into the forest. They followed a small stream that flowed through the woods, hoping to find a nice place to rest and grab a bite to eat.

Draco led the way this time, picking his away along the bank as the stream widened into a larger river. Sunlight streamed through the dense trees softly illuminating their path. They were in a sheltered area deep in the woods, away from the tourists that flocked to this part of the coast. The trees were quite tall in this region and they stood over them like sentinels guarding a fortress. They talked quietly now and then, but mostly they listened to the natural setting.

Harry felt strangely at peace in this place, like they were traveling through some forgotten land on an adventure. Birds chattered to one another from high above, and a low hum could be heard in the brush below as insects flitted about beating their wings. Everything was covered in a thin layer of moisture, but by now the morning dew would have burned off as the temperature rose throughout the day. Harry figured that it must have drizzled during the night for everything to be still wet, but he didn't mind because it made the air strangely fragrant. There was sweet earthy smell heavy in the air that mixed subtly with the aroma of the pines acting like aromatherapy. Harry found the calmness that soon overcame him to be welcomed relief after his recent nightmare.

After twenty minutes or so of walking, Harry felt his stomach rumble loudly, but not because of his earlier sickness. He was quite hungry, especially after all the flying they done the night before.

"Hey, Dray… this exploring is fun and everything, but I'm getting a little hungry."

"Yeah, me too. I think I see some logs up ahead we can sit on. Let's…"

They suddenly heard a loud splash that was accompanied by a frantic shout from behind them. "Ron!" Hermione yelled as she jumped into the river after her boyfriend.

Ron came up sputtering in the shallow water, soaking wet from head to toe. "Get him!" he muttered, trying to cough out the brown river water from his mouth.

"What? Who?" asked the others in bewilderment, spinning their heads about looking for the danger.

"I don't know! Whatever tripped me and grabbed my pack!" Ron shouted.

"That way!" Hermione shouted as she pointed to a line of trees near the waters edge.

Ron's canvas knapsack could be seen dragging along the ground and through the bushes. Harry and Draco raced after it while Hermione made sure that Ron was okay.

They ran a short distance following the knapsack closely. Whatever was dragging the bag was small and quite fast. The creature darted this way and that trying to lose them. Jumping over a giant root Harry realized he had just lost sight of his prey.

"Where did it go?" he asked, as Draco jumped down beside him.

"I'm not sure… that way!" he shouted as he laid eyes on the runaway pack. He was now running back towards the direction they had come. The creature was apparently doubling his way back to the river in an attempt to try and lose them.

Leaping forward ahead of Draco, Harry caught sight of the creature's small frame and stunned him swiftly. "_STUPEFY!_" he shouted, almost out of breath.

"Did you get him?" asked Ron as he and Hermione caught up to them.

"Yeah, but what is it?" asked Harry, looking down at the motionless body. It was very tiny, almost humanlike with actual fingers on its hands and feet.

The creature was only about 8 inches tall and had large oversize ears, much like a house elf. It looked a lot like a pixie in appearance except for two things. It was flightless since it did not have any wings, and its skin was dark brown instead of the vibrant colors that were common to pixies. Its dark coloring seemed to serve as camouflage in its natural surroundings because it blended in well with the damp ground.

"An imp," said Ron matter-of-factly. "I should have known. Charlie had a bad experience once with these things when he went camping with some friends. He said that they stole all of their food and gear, but not before they had their way with them."

"What do you mean?" asked Harry.

"Let's just say these things are the creature equivalent of Fred and George. I guess they are natural pranksters and have a sick sense of humor. Charlie said that they placed flobberworms in their sleeping bags, decorated the trees with his underwear, and canoed down the river in his friend's shoes. "

"I read in one of our Care of Magical Creatures textbooks that imps rarely live alone. So there is probably a small colony around here somewhere," said Hermione as she searched about looking for more.

"Then let's get out of here. I'm in no mood to chase these damn things around all day trying to get our stuff back," said Draco.

"But I'm still all wet!" complained Ron. "I can't travel like this."

"Honestly, are you a wizard or not?" asked Hermione, as she performed a drying spell on him. She then performed the same spell on her legs that were also soaking wet.

"Well, I can never remember that one!" he exclaimed as he reached down to grab his pack. He nudged the still stunned imp aside, making sure it wasn't waking up yet, and checked to see everything was still in order. "It's all here," he announced.

"Good, l say let's eat and then go!" said Draco.

"Sounds good," said Harry. "I'm still starving."

They picked their way a little farther down the river, where they felt that they may be safe from anymore imps. A few fallen longs near the stream provided the perfect setting for a picnic. Despite the incident with the imp, the trip so far had been a lot easier than Harry had anticipated. It was starting to feel more like a vacation than a rescue mission.

Each found a comfortable spot on the logs and began to enlarge the food that they had shrunken before packing. Dobby had prepared quite a feast, but they made sure to eat in moderation in case their mission was extended for some strange reason.

"So Harry," Hermione began, "you never told us what is actually going to happen when we reach the temple on Donn Island." She was staring at her sandwich instead of him trying to sound as casual as possible. Harry knew this conversation would come about sooner or later. This was their first real opportunity to talk on the entire trip.

Harry studied the faces of his friends and realized that they were risking their very lives in order to help save Sirius. The least he could do was explain what would happen when they got there.

"Well, I'm not sure how easy it will be able to enter the temple. I'm kind of under the impression that there might be some magical wards surrounding the place, but I couldn't find much information on them."

"Neither could we…" said Ron, through a mouthful of food. Hermione nudged him with her elbow as if to say "_Shut up and let him talk!"_

"It's alright 'Mione. I know you three did some research of your own. Once we're inside, I will need your help brewing a potion, but after that it will be all up to me."

"What do you mean?'' asked Draco.

"There is a spell… well, really an incantation I guess… that will help connect me to Sirius so that I can direct his soul through the veil and towards the stone basin, where the potion will be poured."

"That's it?" asked Draco in disbelief. Harry nodded. "It sounds too easy." He looked worriedly at Hermione and Ron and they shared some type of silent communication.

"We'll have to wait and see how it goes," he replied, knowing that the others didn't really believe him. They looked away in frustration, but didn't press him any further. Harry knew they were trying to keep everything as amiable as possible.

Harry decided that it was better not to divulge any more information about what would happen because his friends would never allow him to go through with it. For one, the spell was supposed to be quite energy draining and there was the risk that he may over exert himself and die. There was also the key ingredient that he had to add to the potion at just the right moment in order to reanimate Sirius. It wasn't something he was looking forward to doing, but he knew that he would be able to do it.

They finished lunch quickly and prepared themselves for flight. It wasn't quite late afternoon yet, but they were all eager to move on and felt it was worth the risk to keep moving. Harry checked his maps and his compass once more, and decided that they should keep moving in the same direction for the time being.

The weather had grown increasingly warm overnight so they shed their robes and jumpers. Now clad in just jeans and long sleeve shirts, they shrunk their belongings and stowed them in their bags. They also recast the disillusionment charm before they flew up into the air. Hopefully no one on the ground below would notice the distortion their near transparent bodies made as they flew across the sky.

Like before, the foursome resumed their diamond shaped configuration on their brooms. Draco offered to take the lead to give Harry a rest, but he had adamantly refused. This was his idea and he was going to see it through.

They flew west first, passing over the town of Londonderry in Northern Ireland. There they were sure to avoid to the shipping yards and the local airport, which were both high traffic areas for Muggles. Although they were near invisible they didn't want to take any chances of being seen. Harry had asked Hermione at one point if they could be detected on the airport's radar and she assured him that if they did appear on their radar, they would probably be dismissed as migrating birds.

They soon passed into the country of Ireland and veered south towards Sligo. This region was much more rural than where they had been previously. There weren't as many large towns, mainly small villages and field after field of farm crops.

Ireland was a beautiful country. It was truly an emerald jewel with its gently rolling hills and lush green trees. The landscape was by no means covered in dense forest but the woods that it did provide were peaceful and plentiful. Harry could sense the history of the earth here and knew that there were cosmic secrets lying within the numerous hills that no mortal man was meant to understand.

Flying during the daylight made Harry feel much more vulnerable than with the cover of darkness. He was constantly surveying their surroundings to make sure that they hadn't stumbled upon on any Death Eater camps. Although Ron and Percy had painstakingly researched where known Death Eaters were said to have been seen there was no real way of knowing what move they would make next. The battle in Dartmoor had certainly proven that.

After flying for nearly two hours, Harry spotted something very peculiar set against the wild landscape below.

"Hey, what's that down there?" shouted Harry to the others behind him.

"Not sure," Ron shouted back, squinting at the scenery below in order to determine what they were looking at. "I'm getting rather bored up here. Let's take a quick break and check it out."

Flying a little lower beneath the clouds, they could see that it was the remains of what was once a small village. It appeared to have been abandoned long ago for not a single soul could be found anywhere. Harry told the others to wait near the line of trees while he swooped down below to check things out. They looked at him with frustration, but reluctantly followed his orders. In the back of his mind he wondered if the place had truly been deserted. Maybe there was someone in distress that needed their help.

He skimmed his broom close to the ground and surveyed the area, trying to determine if there was any sign of life. Several buildings appeared to have been destroyed because there were piles of rubble everywhere. Unfortunately it was a painful reminder of what his own childhood home had looked like in his recent dream. A shiver went down his spine and he shook his head to rid any more thoughts about that nightmare.

Upon further inspection, Harry discovered that it was once a wizarding village because some of the little shops that still dotted the main street had names that indicated they once sold magical things. From the state of disrepair and overgrowth of weeds, Harry estimated that it had been abandoned some 15-20 years ago.

He finally shouted to the others to join him and he lifted the disillusionment charm on them. Soon the four friends were exploring the little town together searching for some answer for its strange existence. Still tired from their long journey, this curiosity was a welcome relief from their eventless flight. It was late now in the afternoon and they still had plenty of time until midnight to make the rest of the flight to Donn Island. They began walking down the main street silently looking at the depressing sight before them.

"It's quiet…" said Harry after a while.

"Too quiet…" Hermione responded. Realizing what she had said both she and Harry began chuckling quietly at the Muggle reference to scary movies.

"What?" asked Ron who hated to be left out of any inside joke.

"Nothing…you wouldn't understand anyway…" Hermione replied. Ron looked a little put out, but soon got over it.

They discovered that there were only seven buildings still left standing in the downtown area, and they varied from apothecaries to pubs to book stores. From the amount of debris that surrounded the place it appeared that more than half the town had been destroyed by some unknown force. Some buildings seemed to have simply collapsed in on themselves. Others had been apparently set on fire because all that was left were their charred remains. In some areas, black scorch marks marred the sides of a building or the street indicating a spell that had failed to hits its mark. The lonely looking lamp posts that lined the main street were tilted at various odd angles, and their poor state only added to the dismal scenery.

On the outskirts of town, houses were partially hidden amid the rolling hills of greenery. Like the down town area, many had been leveled to the ground, but most seemed to be still rather sturdy.

The four of them remained eerily quiet as they continued to explore. They let themselves into some of the buildings that were still standing to see what they could find. Most were completely bare inside, as though the residents had all decided to pack up and leave at the same instant. Other dwellings still contained some household items, but nothing of real value or importance. Just some broken plates, a lonely boot, half torn books, empty cupboards, spools of thread, a dead plant, and so on. Everything was covered in a thick layer of gray dust and numerous cobwebs. All in all, the place seemed to be a ghost town. Harry wondered if any Notice-Me-Not charms had been placed on the village to distract any Muggles that may have come upon it.

In the last abandoned shop the group came upon they discovered another magical creature. Apparently it had been hiding in the rafters of the building because it jumped down upon Draco's head and scurried into a dusty corner.

"Ahhh! What the hell was that?" he shouted. He slapped at his head and ran his fingers through his hair as if to decontaminate whatever vile vermin had the audacity to touch his lustrous blond locks.

"I'm not sure," said Harry laughing at Draco's antics. The peered into the corner and found a catlike creature watching them warily.

"Oh, it's a Kneazle," said Hermione. "I wonder what it's doing here?"

"Why?" Harry asked.

"Well, they are mainly bred in captivity. You don't find many Kneazles in the wild anymore. I just think it's strange that it would be here in an abandoned village," she replied.

Ron added, "I'll bet that one if its ancestors was a pet of one of the wizards or witches that lived here. Maybe they were left behind and have started breeding on their own."

"Are they friendly?" asked Harry. He squatted down to get a closer look at the strange creature. Its fur was brown and flecked with bits of tan and black. A band of white fur began at the base of its neck and lined its stomach. All four paws were white as well, as if it were wearing tiny socks. The oversize ears and the lion-like tail were its most unique features. Otherwise it looked more or less like an ordinary house cat.

"They can be, but I've heard that they can be quite a handful as well," said Ron. "Mum tried to keep one as a pet once, but it didn't work out well. Damn Kneazle kept getting into everything no matter how many times she spelled the cupboard doors to stay shut."

Harry reached out a hand to pet the small creature, but it shied away from him. Seeing its ears now pressed against its head, he knew better than to try petting it again. All those years he spent with Mrs. Figg taught him to understand animal body language quite well.

"It looks pretty thin. Maybe it's hungry…" said Hermione. "Draco, Dobby packed you some ham sandwiches. Why don't you try giving it some meat?"

Draco looked mortified. "Why would I do that? The bloody thing attacked me!"

"Because it looks too thin. C'mon…." she pleaded.

"Fine…." He replied in an irritated tone.

Harry moved out of the way as Draco set his pack on the floor. He enlarged a sandwich, picked off the meat, and placed it on the floor in front of the Kneazle.

"_Mrrarow…"_ it called to him as it sniffed at the food. Finding the scent pleasing, it took a few hesitant licks before deeming it suitable for digestion. Draco sat on his hind quarters watching the thing eat with distaste. Harry would bet any amount of money that the blonde was still holding a grudge about being jumped upon so unceremoniously.

"It certainly likes ham… how odd…" said Ron as it finished off the meat in a few quick bites.

"At this point the poor thing would probably eat anything," added Hermione.

"There are you happy now?" asked Draco as he began to stand up and brush the dust off of his clothing. To his dismay it wasn't coming off very easily so he began to beat as his clothing an irritated manner. He didn't even notice the affection he was receiving from his new furry friend he was so involved in his activity.

"Um…Draco…" said Harry.

"What?"

Harry merely pointed down towards the Kneazle, who was currently rubbing up against Draco and purring.

"Oh no… you stay away from me. Merlin knows where you have been…" he said harshly as he moved away from the creature. Unfortunately, the Kneazle merely followed him where ever he went.

"_Mrrow…"_

Harry, Hermione, and Ron each attempted to pet the poor thing, but it seemed to only have eyes for Draco. A few occasions it hissed at them while pursuing the tall blond. They gave up any attempt at being friendly with it when it took a swipe at Hermione and caused her hand to bleed.

"Gah! Why won't this thing leave me alone? I thought they were supposed to be intelligent? So why can't this one figure out that I want nothing to do with it!"

Draco pulled out his wand and looked like he was about to stun it when Harry stepped in. "No, don't! It's just trying to be friendly. Maybe it's lonely… Don't be so mean!"

"Then you deal with it!"

"I've tried. She doesn't seem to like me, but she certainly loves you. She's still very young. Maybe you could keep her as a pet?"

"I don't want a stupid pet, and how do you know that it's a girl anyway…" Harry tilted his head at Draco and raised his eyebrows knowingly. "Never mind… that was a stupid question…."

"We should be going," offered Ron, realizing how long they had spent there already.

"Yeah, at least then I can be rid of this thing," said Draco trying to step through the door of the shop while the little Kneazle ran back and forth through his legs, rubbing up against him.

Taking one last look around as they gathered once more in the middle of the cobblestone street, suddenly realizing again how quiet it was in this village. The four of them looked at one another hoping someone would break the eerie silence that had overcome them. Not even a bird's call could be heard. It was strangely unsettling. Ron spoke first looking rather uncomfortable about all the quietness.

"Do you think anyone still lives in any of those houses?" he asked, gesturing towards the outside of town.

"I doubt it…" Harry sadly replied. This place was making him feel more and more morose the longer they stayed. Since their arrival a mass of gray clouds had been steadily moving into the region. The sun's cheerful rays had by now been completely hidden.

"What do you suppose happened here?" asked Hermione curiously. Harry and Ron looked at her incredulously. "Well, I know that it must have been Death Eaters that destroyed these buildings, but when did it happen? And where did everyone go?"

Draco had been standing apart from them trying to get rid of the Kneazle who was still at his heels when he crossed his arms over his chest. His brow was furrowed in concentration like he was trying to remember something.

"I have no idea…" said Ron honestly. "I knew things were bad back when You-Know-Who first started causing trouble, but Mum would never go into any detail about what happened. Now I know why… Can you imagine the battle that took place here? And all the lives that were lost?"

Harry closed his eyes briefly and nodded. Unfortunately, he knew all to well from Remus how battles such as those went. He just hoped that when he faced Voldemort himself that he would be ready to witness such atrocities.

Ron also looked utterly sad and lost as he contemplated the horrors that had destroyed this once beautiful village. Hermione put her arms around Ron and hugged him tightly.

"What's up Dray?" asked Harry, who had now noticed his continued silence.

"I could be wrong, but I think this village used to be called Hazelden. It was attacked during the Dark Lord's first…"

"Don't use that term," said Harry harshly. "Only Death Eaters call him that!"

"Sorry… It was attacked during the first war against Vol…er… You-Know-Who," he replied.

"How do you know?" asked Ron sharply. The look that Draco gave him clearly communicated that he had learned about it from his father. "Oh…"

"It's so sad to see this village completely abandoned after the attack. Can you imagine if Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley were attacked like this? Do you think the people that live there would abandon their homes too?" asked Hermione tearfully. They were all quite attached to those two towns as they were the only wizarding communities that they had access to. If they were to fall, their people would begin to lead very disconnected lives.

"I don't know," replied Harry.

"But why abandon a perfectly good village? I know that there were a lot of buildings destroyed and many people were killed, but they could have rebuilt their community. Why didn't the residents come back once You-Know-Who was defeated?" asked Ron almost angrily. Like the rest of the Weasleys it pained the red head to see anything go to waste, especially a perfectly good building that was once a home.

"I don't know… but this place has a certain feel about it… you can feel the despair of the people that once lived here… can't you?" Harry asked, looking at the others. They nodded as they looked around at the scenery once more. It was as if death itself had left its fingerprint on this sad little village.

"Yeah, I can," replied Hermione. "It feels so gloomy here. Do you think that is why they stayed away?"

"I don't know," he replied. "Maybe this place held too many bad memories." Harry often wondered if he would ever be able rebuild his parents' home or at least visit the location. He presumed that he must have inherited the land the house was built on, but the very thought of going back to the place where his parents were killed made him shudder. He could understand why these people felt they couldn't stay here any longer.

After another few moments the temperature of the air began to feel considerably colder and Harry noticed the others also gave a shiver at the sudden change. Every part of his body had begun to feel mind numbingly cold; all except his chest which was becoming increasingly warmer with each passing second. Reaching inside his shirt, Harry pulled out his dragon pendant. It was hot to the touch and the silver beast's emerald eyes glowed fiercely.

"SHIT!" Harry exclaimed as he retrieved his wand quickly. Turning in a circle he searched the perimeter looking for the haunting creature. Draco stared at him trying to figure out what Harry already knew. "Shit! Get on your brooms! We need to get out of here!"

They secured their bags on their backs and mounted their brooms, hovering just above the ground. _Which way do we go?_ Harry thought desperately. The little Kneazle that had followed Draco was shaking in fear just below him. She looked like she wanted to bolt but couldn't bear to leave his side. Magical creatures must also be able to sense when danger was near.

"What? Why? What's going on?" asked Ron in alarm.

"Don't you feel it?" Harry asked in wonderment.

"Dementors," he whispered hoarsely.

"Yeah… but I'm not sure how many…" Harry was still searching their surroundings trying to determine which way they should go. No matter what they did the odds of escaping the Dementor was slim.

Draco began shouting frantically beside him. "Get off of me you mangy beast!" The little Kneazle had leapt straight off the ground and was clinging to the knapsack on Draco's back. He tried desperately to shake her off, but to no avail. She was just out of his reach.

"Don't worry about it Draco. Let's just go!" said Hermione.

"Fine," he shouted back. He growled in frustration at the little Kneazle and accelerated his broom quickly. The others followed as he led them through town and began to reach for higher altitudes.

A dark shape could be seen moving through the dark clouds ahead of them. Realizing what it must be, they skidded to a halt and began heading in the opposite direction. Just when Harry had begun to believe that they had out maneuvered the evil creature, the Dementor flew up beside them. Its tattered cloak that draped its frail body fluttered in the wind wildly as it flew faster and faster. On several occasions it tried to suck away their life energy, but each time they used evasive maneuvers to place themselves out of reach. Growing frustrated that it could not capture any one of them, it began darting back and forth just above their group. All four of them were screaming as it got nearer, feeling the dark coldness creeping into their hearts. At least a dozen times they tried to cast a patronus charm, but it was too difficult to cast while flying. The Dementor never stayed in any one place for very long.

Harry suddenly realized that they were making this too easy for the Dementor. Staying together meant that it could focus on all four of them at once, feeding off their energy. If they had any chance of escaping it they needed to separate. "Split up! It's the only way," Harry shouted.

Ron and Hermione looked back at him worriedly. Neither of them wanted to leave their friend especially since he was affected most by the Dementors. All of a sudden the Dementor flew just above them and began reaching toward Hermione, with its wretched hand. Having no other choice, the young couple dived in opposite directions in order to escape.

Ron zoomed out of sight, but Hermione wasn't as lucky. She was not a skilled flyer by any means of the word. Harry could see that Dementor had spotted her quickly and was hot on her trail in pursuit.

Fearing for her life, Harry chased after the Dementor with a burst of speed. Draco could see what he was attempting to do and followed after him quickly. "No!" screamed Draco. "Harry, don't! I'll save her… Just go take cover somewhere… you know what will happen to you!"

"I can't just leave her Draco!" Harry shouted back.

He caught up to them soon and hovered just above them. Hermione's screams pierced the air below and he set into action. He then began a spiral dive down towards the ground, encircling the Dementor and Hermione. "It's me you want! Come and get me!"

The Dementor swung its head around and screeched menacingly at Harry. Seeing how close he was to the creature, Harry flew downwards hoping to lure it away from Hermione. Glancing over his shoulder he realized that it was pursuing him, but closer than he expected. The Dementor was amazingly swift. _This creature must be desperate for prey_, thought Harry.

He accelerated faster towards a grove of trees hoping the others had made it to safety. He glanced back once more and felt the creature's hand grasping at his robes. Unfortunately, he didn't realize just how quickly he had reached the trees. Before he knew what was happening he was crashing through the branches at break neck speed, slowing his pace. When he could fly no further without injuring himself badly, he landed his broom and prepared to face the Dementor.

As quickly as he had drawn his wand, the Dementor was already upon him. It drew a long, slow, rattling breath and begun to suck his life energy from him. He had already begun to hear the desperate screams of his parents as he relived their last moments on earth. The intense cold that he had felt earlier became much more prominent, and he felt his breath catch in his chest. He fell upon his knees and struggled to remain conscious.

With every last bit of strength he tried to back away and cast a patronus. All that he was able to produce was just a wispy silvery cloud that did nothing to ward off the evil creature that was attacking him.

With each passing second, Harry fell deeper into the darkness as the Dementor sucked away his life force. At first he had only heard the voices of his parents, but then he began to hear the angry yells of his uncle. He could no longer tell what was reality and what was memory. Harry could feel him getting closer and closer, and he knew that by the sound of his voice that his uncle was in another drunken rage coming towards his cupboard.

"_Get out here, you worthless freak! I'm going to beat the freakishness out of you if it's the last thing I do!"_

"_Please, Uncle… no…I'll be good…"_

"_That's right… you're going to be a _good _boy for Uncle Vernon… just like old times…"_

"_No… that's not what I meant…please don't…"_

Somehow the voices began to twist until it was rather confusing. It was as if he were hearing two separate conversations at once. Harry desperately wanted it to all go away, but he was becoming more and more disoriented as the Dementor advanced upon him once again. He felt like he was drowning in cold. There was a rushing in his ears as though of water. He was being dragged downward, the roaring growing louder.

"_I'm going to kill you, you fucking traitor!"_

"_Please Uncle, stop…"_

"_Goddamn worthless freak! No one wants you!"_

"_Please, Sirius you don't understand what he is like. You would have done the same!"_

"_I would have died to protect James and Lily!"_

"_I'm going to make you wish you were never left on our doorstep!"_

One conversation seemed to dominate over the other, until Harry could only focus on the stronger of the two. Suddenly, a younger version of Peter Pettigrew stood before him, darting his eyes desperately back and forth looking for an escape. Harry was accustomed to hearing things when he was attacked by a Dementor, but never before had he experienced a hallucination.

"_I didn't know what to do, Sirius. He has powers like you wouldn't believe. He would have killed me if I hadn't given them up!" said Peter, groveling for forgiveness._

_Several Muggle looking individuals began to appear from behind the trees, looking at the display in fear and awe. Harry vaguely wondered where they had come from. The nearby village had long been abandoned._

"_You fucking traitor! Do you even realize what you have done? They were our friends! I'm going to kill you!"_

_The scenery before him began to morph from that of a wooded forest to a Muggle suburb, complete with houses and everything. Harry thought he was standing in the middle of what appeared to be a street. The Muggles that had appeared earlier had begun to creep closer, intrigued by the ensuing argument. Why was it that people loved a good fight, and were willing to risk their own safety to get a closer look? _thought Harry_. They had no idea how much danger they were really in._

"_No Sirius, don't. Please be reasonable!"_

_Peter backed away slowly, looking like he was going to bolt. He then put his wand behind his back and muttered a series of spells under his breath. There was suddenly a loud explosion and the entire street was illuminated by the force of the spell. When the smoke cleared, there was a huge indentation cracked into the cement where the explosion had occurred. At least a dozen or more Muggles were lying on the ground, dead or badly injured. Peter Pettigrew was no where in sight. Sirius began to laugh manically as he realized what Peter had done. Harry wondered why he would have done such a thing. Maybe if he didn't start laughing at the irony of it all he would soon begin sobbing and never stop._

"NOOOOOO….." Harry shouted, trying to use what little he learned about Occlumency and controlling the mind. He finally pushed away all the horrifying thoughts and concentrated on trying to save himself. The suburb scene dissolved away, leaving him in the grove of trees once again.

"EXPECTO PATRONUM!" a voice yelled from just a few yards away.

The Dementor screamed in outrage and Harry felt himself fall sideways toward the ground. He was extremely weak after his experience and couldn't find the strength to lift himself up again. Harry opened his eyes to see the slivery apparition of a giant dragon charging at the offending Dementor. They flew around one another at dizzying speeds until the dragon finally won the battle and chased the Dementor away.

"Harry!" Draco shouted as he ran towards his boyfriend. He skidded to his side and gently stroked his face in worry. "Are you alright?"

"No…" he said truthfully. "So tired…"

"Harry, don't go to sleep. Not just yet. We need to get some chocolate in you and move to another location. There is no telling when that thing will be back."

Harry could only nod mutely. He still felt rather cold, and the depression that the Dementor had brought upon still had Harry firmly in its grasp. Between hearing his parents' screams, reliving the rape, and witnessing the scene that sent Sirius to Azkaban, he was in a right awful state.

"Over here!" Draco shouted. Harry heard the sounds of Ron and Hermione dismounting their brooms and run over to him. He had no energy to turn his head to face them.

"Oh Harry…He should have never had done that to save me. Is he okay?" said Hermione, brushing back the hair on his face.

"I'm not sure," said Draco. "Give me some chocolate."

Ron broke off a few pieces of chocolate and handed it to Draco, who placed a few bites in his mouth. He instantly began to feel warmer, and the affects of the Dementor began to wear away.

He suddenly felt something like sandpaper against his cheek. Out of the corner of his eye he could see that the little Kneazle, who had stuck by Draco, was licking him affectionately. He reached up and began to stroke her fur and she purred in response.

"It looks like she loves you. Maybe now she will leave me alone," commented Draco. As if understanding what he had said, the Kneazle jumped up into his arms and nuzzled his face to show she still cared for him. "Stupid kitty," he said in frustrated tone, but his actions spoke louder than his words. He reached up and petted her softly a few times before setting her aside.

Harry felt well enough to try and sit up now. Draco and Ron each took an arm and helped hoist him up to a seated position. His head began to swim with dizziness and Hermione placed another bit of chocolate in his mouth. He was grateful that the sweet stuff was working; he hated feeling that way.

After polishing off an entire bar of chocolate, Harry was already on his feet, grabbing for his broom. Although he was still rather shaky, he knew that they were in danger if they stayed any longer. The sense of urgency was strong in the group.

"What do you think you are doing?" asked Draco.

Harry looked at him puzzled. "You said it yourself; we need to get out of here…"

"Yes, but you're not well enough to fly alone."

"I'm fine."

"No you are not, and you know it." Draco came forward, and lifted his chin, looking into his upward turned eyes. "I don't know what happened to you with that Dementor, but I know it affected you greatly. You are going to fly on my broom with me and that is all there is to it."

"But…"

"No buts… let me take care of you, damn it!" Harry nodded and reached up and kissed Draco sweetly. The blond then took his face in his hands and kissed him back more deeply, expressing his love for him.

"Are you guys ready to move?" asked Ron, searching the skies above them.

"Yeah, let's go!" said Draco.

He mounted his broom and waited for Harry to join him. He hated doing it, but he had to use a shrinking charm on his broom. There was no other way to carry it safely. He just hoped that the spell didn't affect the broom's integrity in anyway. He began to stow it in his own pack when he had an idea. He stood behind Draco and began fiddling with the pack on his back.

"What are you doing?" The blond asked trying to see behind him.

"No room in my shoulder bag. Gotta put my broom in yours," he replied.

"Fine… hurry up!"

He opened the latch quickly and pushed everything inside around to make room. He then carefully reached down and picked up the little Kneazle without Draco noticing. He put a finger up to his mouth to indicate that she should be quiet, hoping that she would understand. He then sneaked her into his pack, allowing her head to stick just a little so that she could breathe. As much as Draco tried to convince the others that hated the poor thing, Harry knew she would be good for him. Draco, like Harry, had no real family anymore and needed a familiar to keep him company. Hedwig had always been a great source of comfort for Harry and he hoped the Kneazle would do the same for him.

"Why is your broom so bloody heavy?" asked Draco trying to shift the slightly heavier bag on his back to a more comfortable position.

"Oh quit complaining! Let's go!" Harry scooted up closer to Draco and wrapped his arms around his waist, the little Kneazle securely between them.

They took off quickly and reached higher and higher into the sky. Harry glanced back to cast the disillusionment charm on his friends and could see that they were trying to hide their laughter. Apparently they had seen Harry hide their stowaway in Draco's bag.

Laughter aside, they concentrated on getting out of there. They couldn't risk another run in with a Dementor and they were getting behind on time. They flew almost as fast as they did before to make up for the lost time, their hearts beating wildly with adrenaline.

They flew for many hours and thankfully the dark grey clouds held off their rain. Harry's strength did not return as quickly as he expected, so he remained seated behind Draco for a long while. It must have been an incredible strain on him to fly for so long with the extra weight, but he never once complained.

Harry was extremely grateful because as it turns out he was in worse condition to fly than he expected. The hallucinations had not gone away. All the while he was seated behind Draco he was hearing and seeing things from Sirius's life. Not complete memories; just words and images would pop up in front him like it was actually happening in reality instead of his mind. On a few occasions he started dramatically and almost threw himself off the broom. He held onto Draco even tighter and explained that it was just the turbulence. He was relieved that Ron and Hermione couldn't see his reactions because of the disillusionment charm. He didn't want to worry them anymore than necessary. Harry was starting to wonder if he would have ever survived this mission without his friends. He had needed them after all.

After a long journey, the group finally reached the western shore of Ireland. Using a Point-Me spell they discovered that they had navigated their mission almost expertly. Fortunately they were right on course. Now all they had to do was find Donn Island. They rested once again before daring to cross the sea.

Resting on the sandy beach Harry and the others took in the picturesque landscape. The dark clouds that had plagued them earlier had finally parted allowing the early evening sunlight to shine through. Although the coast was as green as the interior of the country, it was rocky as well. Cliffs jutted sharply out of the sea, and boulders that had once been a part of their steep walls dotted the sand and water where they had fallen.

The lull of the waves, gently slapping the shore at regular intervals lulled them back into a sense of peace once again. After their terrifying encounter with the Dementor it was nice to have their heart rates return to a normal pace.

It was during the small meal that Draco discovered the stowaway. "Did you have something to with this?" he asked Harry, pointing to the Kneazle as she crawled out.

"What if I did?" he replied. "You need something furry and cuddly to keep your temper in check."

"That's what I have you for," said Draco, messing up Harry's hair even more than it was before.

"And now you have the Kneazle."

"Whatever. Nobody said I have to be happy about it though." Draco grunted in frustration, but he threw his new pet another piece of meat without complaint. The little Kneazle ate it quickly and curled up in a little ball to rest peacefully beside him.

After a few moments of silence, Harry felt he finally had to admit what he had been dreading to his friends. "Hey guys, there is something I need to tell you…"

"What is it?" asked Ron.

"When the Dementor was attacking me... I…I…"

"Harry you don't have to tell us. We know you relive your worst memories," Ron replied knowingly.

"No… I mean… yes I do… but something else happened…"

"What?" asked Draco breathlessly. He was afraid to hear what other awful thing might have happened to his boyfriend.

"I started to relive memories of Sirius as well, but I know I wasn't dreaming. I also began to hallucinate. I saw what happened on that street when Peter framed Sirius… and I …I've been seeing and hearing things while we were flying…"

"What? Why didn't you tell me? Is that why you almost fell off of the broom three damn times!" Draco shouted. Ron and Hermione looked at him in alarm.

"Well, yes, but I didn't want to worry you. I think the combination of the Dementor and the veil thinning as it gets closer to Beltane is somehow strengthening the connection between me and Sirius. Do you see now how important it is to save him? I can't live like this anymore. I don't know what's real, imagined, or a memory anymore. He certainly can't exist like this either wherever he is."

"We get it Harry," said Hermione. "We always have. That's why we insisted on going with you."

"Promise me that whatever happens that you will let me do what I have to do," Harry pleaded.

"What do you mean by that?" asked Draco. "What's going to happen?"

"Just promise me…"

"I don't I know if I can… but I'll do my best."

They looked out over the sea in concentration. In only a matter of hours they would be bringing Sirius back from the hell he was currently in. Hermione, Ron and Draco were now each silently wondering; would Harry and Sirius survive?

A/N: Prisoner of Azkaban was a cool movie and it really helped me write the Dementor scene. I'm glad I waited, and I hoped you like it. Just so you know the Dementor move like they do in the movie not in the canon. I wanted some obstacles on their journey, but I was worried about using Death Eaters so I stuck to Dementors. I didn't want to prevent them from reaching the island before Harry would have to use the spell. Drae also helped me out on the magical creatures and the general landmarks that they followed. Would you believe she went so far as to email me a map with descriptions of the regions and little red line depicting the path we chose for them to take? She's amazing! I hope you all enjoyed this amazingly long chapter. Let me know if you have any ideas what to name the Kneazle. Please review!

**Many thanks to all my reviewers and my incredible beta Drae!**


	30. The House of Donn

A/N: If you didn't know already, I have started a new HP/RW story called "_Shattered Illusions"_ that has nothing to do with the _Soul Mate Series_. Check out my bio page for details. (Sorry for the shameless plug!)

A/N2: Here's the chapter that everyone has been waiting for. I hope that it is worth the wait. I tried to make it especially adventurous and dramatic seeing that this is the climax of the story, but I'm not sure if I achieved the desired effect. Don't forget to leave a review!

**Chapter 30- The House of Donn**

"_Without a soul;  
my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold,  
until you find it there and lead it back home."_

_-Bring Me to Life by Evanescence_

The foursome quietly made their way across the Atlantic from the coast of Ireland in search of Donn Island. They first headed due west towards the Arran Islands where they would take another breather before heading another five miles south. Fortunately, Harry appeared to be well enough to ride on his own broom stick again. Fearful, however, that the effects of the Dementor-induced hallucinations may cause Harry to fall of his broom, Ron and Draco insisted that Harry fly between them. They wanted to be sure that they could catch him were he to fall. Amazingly, Hermione, who had gained some confidence over their long flight, offered to take the lead.

They soon reached what they assumed to be Donn Island, but after exploring it for nearly half an hour they were no closer to finding the elusive temple that housed the second Veil.

The island was small, only about two or three miles in diameter. Like most of Ireland, it was very rocky with many low lying shrubs and was dotted with the occasional tree. In his mind he had pictured an ancient temple jutting out against the wild landscape like in some National Geographic Magazine he had once seen. Harry had also assumed that they might find some sort of ancient village, but it appeared that the island had been abandoned long ago because there were no signs of human habitation left.

The four friends were on guard, however. For all they knew, there could be Death Eaters on the island watching their every move.

The little Kneazle, who Harry insisted they bring, followed them closely as they searched the island. She occasionally left their sides to explore a bit on her own, but she always returned swiftly. It seemed as if she didn't want to get left behind.

They picked their way across the landscape with their wands out, searching for the ancient wizard's temple. Each of them was growing more and more tired with each step, Harry especially. They only had another few moments of light before the sun set completely, and they had no idea how to find what they were looking for.

"This has gotta be it. We followed the map carefully and the compass directions seemed right. We even used Point-Me spells! This has gotta be it!" yelled Harry out loud in frustration. He was getting really worried that something may have happened to the temple after all these years, and that they may not be able to rescue Sirius like they had planned; which meant Harry would live a life time dreaming, hearing, and seeing memories that were not his own.

Draco looked at him worriedly and pulled him near. Placing a hand at the nape of the dark haired teen's neck he brought his head down until their foreheads were touching. Harry breathed in his wonderful scent deeply. Draco never said a word, but the comfort this simple gesture brought him was amazing. The blond kissed his temple to reassure him and pulled away.

Hermione looked at Ron and approached the pair cautiously. "Don't worry, Harry. I'm sure this is Donn Island. We just have to keep on looking… wait a minute…I just thought of something… Didn't you say that the Veil's archway was subterranean?" Hermione asked.

"Yeah… underground…"

"So all this time we've been looking for the temple. Maybe the temple itself is underground too…" she offered. Her soft brown eyes looked at him hopefully. He knew she wanted to save Sirius as much as he did.

"Then how are we supposed to find it! I've tried Point-Me spells, but they're not working!" Harry felt himself begin to panic again slightly as he looked around at the landscape. This was harder than he had expected. Everything had seemed so easy when he planned it all down on paper.

It was Ron now that approached him in an attempt to relieve his worries. "Harry, mate, calm down. We'll find it! I know you wanted to be there before midnight, but Beltane lasts 24 hours. I'm sure that the Veil will still be at its thinnest during that time."

"Ron's right. We have plenty of time," said Draco rubbing his back. "Maybe we should start looking for a cave or some sort of entrance while we still have a few minutes of light."

"Yeah, I guess," said Harry as he nodded.

They began their arduous search once again; occasionally going back to cover ground they went over before in case they missed anything. As much as they wanted to split up to increase their search, they decided to stick together for safety reasons. The moved quietly as it grew darker and darker, each hoping that they would find the entrance soon. The only noises they heard in the dead of the night were the croak of frogs and the sound of the waves crashing against the beach a short distance away. As night fell, they lit their wands with a _Lumos_ spell so that they could continue to search in the blackness.

"Hey Harry…" said Ron cautiously, peering into the night. "You don't suppose there's any _spiders_ here do you?"

"Not sure…" he replied, smiling gently. Harry knew what a phobic the red head was about them. "Probably small ones… just like anywhere else."

Draco laughed out loud. "What's wrong Weasley… scared of an itsy bitsy spider?"

Hermione gave him a fierce look as if to say, "_Knock it off!"_

Ron mumbled, "You haven't been almost eaten by a herd of Acromantulas…"

"Acro-what?" asked the blond, trying to pick up on what he had said.

"Never mind…"

It grew quiet at one moment, and they found themselves puzzled by the lack of sound. It was as if the night was holding its breath in fear of some unknown danger. Suddenly, a loud noise broke the silence. A small flock of birds took flight loudly from a grouping of trees as if something had spooked them. Upon closer inspection it appeared as if that something was moving through the bushes and was headed right towards them. They looked at one another worriedly and held their wands at the ready.

Draco, who looked somewhat frightened, was about to stun the creature coming towards them, when Harry's arm darted out and pushed his wand towards the ground. "No, don't!"

The blond was about to ask why when the little Kneazle came bounding out of the bushes and ran towards him. Ron and Hermione suppressed their giggles as the tiny creature rubbed up affectionately at his legs and purred like she hadn't seem in him a long while, when it really had been only a few minutes.

"Ugh! Stupid bloody thing… get away from me!" he shouted looking rather embarrassed about the situation.

"_Mrrarow…" _the Kneazle called, putting her two front paws on his pant leg like she wanted to be picked up.

"Get off me!" he said pushing her away. Draco began walking again quickly, determined to continue searching for what they had come for. The Kneazle followed her master obediently, but looked sad that she had been rejected.

The others caught up quickly, teasing him for being afraid of his own pet. "Oh no, what's that in the bushes!" Ron joked.

"Ha ha… very funny. We should never have brought it with us in the first place. If there _was_ anyone following us, that racket it just caused certainly gave away our location!" Draco said, walking a bit quicker. "Stupid thing is just bad luck!"

Just as he finished his last word, he tripped rather ungracefully over a rock and fell forwards. He caught himself just as his upper body was going to slam into the ground. He got up angrily and began to dust off his already filthy clothes.

"Are you alright?" asked Harry, trying to hide the smirk on his face.

"I'm fine!" he shouted. The little Kneazle tried rubbing up against him again to show that she was concerned, but he grabbed her and picked her so that they were face to face. The sneer that he had plastered on his face was very familiar to the trio. They had seen that disdainful look many times in their first five years at Hogwarts. "You're nothing but a jinx! Now get out of here and leave me alone!" he shouted into her furry face. He then tossed her aside, and looked satisfied when she ran away without looking back.

"Hey! That was pretty harsh! It wasn't her fault that you tripped, so why are you taking it out on her!" said Hermione, ever the cat lover.

"I don't care! We have a mission to complete, and I can't concentrate with it in the way. Now let's go!"

"No, you can't just leave her here! That's cruel! You're such a Slytherin sometimes," she retorted. Draco walked away from her after the last comment.

"He's just being a git because he's embarrassed he tripped. There is still a lot of the old Malfoy in him. He'll get over it and realize he was a jerk," explained Harry, knowing that he understood the blonde's idiosyncrasies better than any of them. "Don't worry, 'Mione. She'll turn up like she always does. And if she doesn't then we'll look for her once we've saved Sirius." He was getting quite fond of the Kneazle too. He hated to think about the poor creature on its own out there, but he had to stay focused on the mission.

"Fine!" she replied, although she didn't look too happy about it. Ron grabbed her hand and gave her a small smile. Her devotion to all creatures, big and small, was one of the things he loved about her. She had a big heart and would stop at nothing to ensure the well being of any animal.

After searching in the dark for another hour or so, the group was starting to wonder if the temple ever really existed. They had yet to find any sign of it anywhere. They took a break on a few boulders and looked at one another in despair. They hated to think that they had come all this way for nothing.

Harry had been leaning up against Draco, who was seated behind him, when he noticed their little friend had returned. No one else had seemed to notice. Ron and Hermione were currently sitting apart from them to enjoy a bit of privacy, and he was pretty sure that Draco had his eyes closed behind him taking a bit of a rest.

She looked rather anxious and was turning around in circles excitedly. Harry had stood up to greet her when she took off towards a cluster or rocks. Puzzled by her behavior, he sat back down and leaned into Draco again.

"What was that all about?" he asked in confusion, opening his eyes when Harry first left and then returned to his embrace.

"Oh nothing… Jinx came back and when I went to pet her she ran away…" Harry replied turning to look up at his boyfriend.

Draco looked bewildered. "Who the hell is Jinx?"

"Your Kneazle… you said yourself that she was nothing but a Jinx, and I thought it would be a cute name…" He smiled up at him, knowing that now it had a name Draco wouldn't be as quick to discard it. Harry had an inexplicable feeling that Draco would come to rely on her as most wizards do with their familiars. He just had to admit that she wasn't all that bad.

"Yeah… real cute…" he replied sarcastically.

Just then, Jinx made another appearance. "What do you want?" Draco asked it with annoyance, standing up with Harry. But when they tried to approach her she darted off again.

"I think she wants you to follow her," said Hermione. She and Ron had heard their conversation and decided to join them again. "Crookshanks acted like this once before. Harry, remember when he led us through the tunnel to the Shrieking Shack? I think that he may be part Kneazle. They are known to guide witches and wizards when they are lost. Despite what you may think they are really intelligent creatures," she added to solidify her argument.

"Why would it want us to follow?" asked Draco.

"Cats can see really well in the dark, and Kneazles and cats are closely related. Maybe Jinx found something that we overlooked in the dark." Seeing the cat-like creature a near the line of bushes, Ron said, "There she is. C'mon… what have we got to lose?"

"Yeah right. She probably just found another flock of birds to scare up," he mumbled as he crossed his arms defiantly.

"Ron's right. Jinx might have found something. Let's follow her a bit…" said Harry, tugging on Draco's sleeve. He was suspicious that their new friend had discovered something important, and he was anxious to get to the temple as soon as possible. Maybe she could actually lead the way.

"Fine… but don't blame me when we end up walking around in circles chasing a field mouse!" he exclaimed.

Seeing that Draco was walking towards her, Jinx turned around in a circle anxiously and trotted off toward the cluster of rocks once again. She moved quickly through the night, dodging bushes and logs along the way. The four of them had to keep up a brisk jog in order to keep up with her.

Feeling rather fatigued, Harry began to lag behind a bit. His brain felt like mush and he was starting to get a headache. He assumed that he was still feeling the effects of the Dementor he had encountered, and he decided to stop to take a quick breather. Just as he was about to catch up to the others, the figure of a scornful looking woman stood before him, startling him greatly. Raising his illuminated wand he could see that she was dressed in formal looking robes and her hair was pulled back into a severe bun.

"_What have I told you about fraternizing with those mudblood loving friends of yours? For Merlin's sake, I found out from a family friend that one of them is a half breed!" _she screeched as she advanced up on him.

Harry recognized her instantly. Her familiar face was the same one from the horrid painting that hung in Black Manor on Grimmauld Place. This awful woman, although she seemed somewhat younger, was Sirius's mother. He backed away fearfully as she lunged over him. Part of him knew that this was probably just another hallucination, but that didn't mean it wasn't any less scary. The woman was supposed to have been dead for years!

"_What were you thinking? Did you ever think about how badly this would reflect upon the Black family's good name!"_

Her black eyes narrowed hatefully, and her lips were pursed like she had tasted something rather sour. The angry woman reminded him so much of his Aunt Petunia, that he half expected Uncle Vernon to arrive at any moment. He continued to back up until he fell awkwardly over fallen log.

"Harry!" shouted Draco, as the blond ran over to where he had landed. "What's wrong!"

Harry's beloved charged right through the apparition, unaware that she had ever been there, and reached his side quickly. Seeing that Mrs. Black had vanished from where she had been standing, Harry stood up shakily.

"Nothing…" mumbled Harry as he brushed off his jeans.

"That wasn't nothing… what spooked you?" Draco asked putting an arm around his shoulder.

Harry sighed deeply. "I had another hallucination."

"What happened?"

"Sirius's mother was yelling at me… well I guess I mean him…or she thought I was him… I mean… whatever… it's hard to explain…"

Draco looked down at him in the darkness and pulled him near. "I'm sorry… I wish I could somehow fix everything…" he muttered into his messy hair.

"I know…" replied Harry, whose face was buried in the tall blonde's shoulder.

"We're going to do this, okay? We're going to save your godfather and put end to your misery…"

"I hope so…" said Harry sadly. He was still having some doubts that they would ever find what they were looking for.

"C'mon… we need to keep looking..." said Draco, taking him by the hand.

They caught up with the others and before Ron could ask, Harry said, "I'm fine!" The red head shut his mouth quickly, but looked as though he still wanted to inquire about his friend anyway.

They finally reached the large pile of jagged boulders, and sighed in relief. They had thought originally that the boulders had been their destination, but Jinx ignored them and ambled towards the enormous hill that the boulders lay at the base of. She took a quick left and then began to navigate her way around the hill. When they finally reached the other side, they found that the rock had been cut into, leaving a steep flat wall that jutted up sharply from the ground. The boulders on the other were probably from when the rock was cut away.

Jinx sat down in front of the sheer face and wagged her tail back and forth. The others illuminated their wands more brightly and tried to figure out what she was staring at.

"See… I told you… this one is mental… it's staring a blank wall…" Draco complained.

Ron agreed reluctantly, "Yeah, I don't see anything either. Maybe we shouldn't have followed. Sorry I suggested it."

"No wait… look…" said Hermione, pointing her wand towards the rock wall.

"What?" asked Ron. He looked at the blank wall and then looked at her like she was now mental.

"Those are runes… do you see?" she asked Harry.

Very slowly oddly shaped markings etched their way into the rock in a semi circular fashion. They were similar to the ancient runes Harry had found on the archway at the Department of Mysteries. It was as if some invisible scribe were standing before them trying to communicate by carving into the rock itself. Jinx looked back at them expectantly. When it seemed like the last word had finally been etched, the runes began to shimmer magically.

"Yeah, can you translate them?" Harry asked his bushy haired friend.

"Yes," she replied excitedly. "I brought the books that I used to translate the markings that you showed me before. It'll take me a while, but I think I can do it." She placed her bag onto the ground and began to retrieve her precious tomes. She then sat down and began flipping through the pages quickly using her wand as her only means of light.

"Why couldn't we see them before? Why did they just now appear?" asked Ron curiously.

"Don't know… maybe there was some type of Notice-Me-Not Spell on the markings to keep people from finding this place," said Harry, rubbing his temples with his fingers. His headache was getting worse, and they hadn't even completed the last part of the mission.

"Hey, look at this!" Draco shouted, as he began walking towards the rock.

Beneath the strange carvings a rudimentary cave opening slowly appeared. Like the entrance to Diagon Alley from the Leaky Cauldron, the stones jutted out of the wall began to quiver and wriggle until they rearranged themselves completely to reveal the entrance. It must have sensed a wizard's presence and opened up accordingly.

The cave entrance was held up by an archway and supported on either side with stone pillars. The opening was so old and decrepit that it looked as if it might collapse in on itself at any moment. Harry felt his heart quicken, knowing that they would have to go in there. He hated confined spaces with a passion. He just hoped that it had the same spells the Weasley's used on the Burrow to keep it all together.

"This has gotta be the entrance to the underground temple!" said Harry, walking towards the opening curiously. As he neared however, he felt a distinctive magical force between himself and the entrance. It felt as if the air itself were electrically charged. He took a hesitant step back and looked at the others. "It's protected by wards."

Ron picked up a stone he found on the ground and threw it towards the cave entrance. About a meter away from the opening, the stone was caught in mid air as the wards began to react to the intrusion. A bright blue force field illuminated the dark sky, as it crushed the stone into smithereens. The light dissipated as quickly as it appeared.

"Great!" Draco said sarcastically. "How are we going to get past them?"

"I'm not sure. The Celtic Mythology book I read only mentioned that the wards were erected by Merlin himself. It didn't say how to remove them or get past them," Harry replied.

He hadn't really given much though to it before, and he was feeling rather stupid to have forgotten to research it. Wards could be quite tricky to remove because there were so many kinds and variations. Curse breakers, like Bill Weasley, could spend months trying to destabilize a ward. The strength and power behind the spell used to erect a protective ward depended on the witch or wizard who cast it. If Merlin had put these wards in place like legend says, Harry was sure they would have little or no chance at removing them.

"What about your mother's research? Do you think she may have mentioned a spell that would help us?" asked Ron, taking a seat on nearby rock.

Harry shrugged, "I don't recall her ever mentioning one, but I'll look again."

After retrieving it from his shoulder bag, Harry began flipping through his mother's journal. Hermione was still feverishly trying to translate the runes. Like before, she had to first translate the runes into Latin and then use another book to transfer the Latin into English.

"Nope, nothing…" Harry replied sadly as he held onto the old leather journal tightly. His mother's work may not be able to help them now, but it would be essential in helping to save Sirius once they were inside.

"Got it!" shouted Hermione, leaping off of the ground where she had been sitting. Her sudden outburst startled everyone greatly. Jinx ran over to Draco and stood behind him fearfully. "_Solus natio per benevolentia itaque fidelis animi obduco"_

"And that would mean….. what exactly?" asked Draco, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Well this is really a loose translation, but I think it means: _Only those with good intentions and are true of heart shall pass."_

"How does that help us?" Draco's voice drawled. "That doesn't exactly sound like a spell to get past the wards."

"I don't _know_!" she retorted angrily. "That's just what the runes said."

Harry began to repeat the expression to himself, "The true of heart shall pass… true of heart…" It sounded like something he had read before about the Veil, but yet again it really didn't help them understand how to disengage the wards.

"What is it Jinxie?" asked Draco all of a sudden. Harry glanced over at the blond and noticed him kneeling beside the Kneazle, petting her somewhat absentmindedly. He must have already forgiven her for whatever he had thought she had done. Jinx had led them to the entrance to the temple after all, and he knew Draco would eventually have to swallow his pride and admit she had been helpful. He just didn't expect to see him warming up to her again so soon.

After receiving a few more strokes, she darted off towards the temple entrance, stopping just outside the wards. She glanced back at them for a moment before walking straight towards the wards, "Jinx don't!" Draco cried, as he watched his pet's bravery.

They all watched in morbid fascination, expecting the wards to stun her or possibly kill her, but she walked right through untouched. Once on the other side, she ran into the cave entrance and down the stone stairways that had appeared. A torch on the inside of the passage lit up brightly as she passed.

"I can't believe it…the wards didn't even harm her…" said Ron, his mouth hanging open in amazement.

The four friends looked at one another, hoping that one of them would know what to do next. Harry finally broke the silence after much deliberation with himself.

"I've been thinking," said Harry, "that the wards may have been placed here so that no one would come here for evil intentions and mess with the Veil somehow. What if someone came here for good intentions? Like to save someone who shouldn't have passed through the archway… Wouldn't they be able to pass through the wards unharmed, like Jinx?"

Hermione looked at him with wide eyes. "I don't know, Harry, it sounds like an awfully big risk."

"Well, what other choice do we have? None of us know any good spells that can help us, and Jinx didn't seem to have any problem. I'm going to do it," he said determinedly.

Ron was angry about his decision. "Harry, no! We don't know what will happen to you! What if the wards allow animals to pass but not humans? Did you think of that?"

"Ron, I already considered that, and I'm sure about this. I didn't come all this way to be stopped by some stupid protection spell that a Kneazle can pass through!"

Ron was about to protest again when Draco intervened. "Fine, we'll do it together then," said Draco grabbing his hand.

"What? No!" Harry exclaimed.

"You're not doing this alone, so stop arguing with me so we can do this," he replied.

Harry looked up at him in amazement. He knew now that no matter what choices he made in his life, Draco would always be by his side. As much as he didn't want Draco do something as dangerous as testing a ward with him, he knew that arguing with him would be pointless. Once Draco set his mind to something there was no stopping him. Smiling slightly, Harry led him over towards where the wards began. Their skin began to tingle slightly as they got closer, but it was not painful.

"Ready?" Draco asked. Harry nodded, tightly gripping the blonde's hand on the left and squeezing his mother's journal in his other hand for comfort.

They stepped through together and found that they had already reached the other side safely. They both gave a huge sigh in relief. Hermione and Ron soon joined them.

"I didn't actually think Malfoy would be able to pass," said Ron sarcastically. "I never thought of him as being true of heart."

"Yeah, well, now you know. So maybe we can stop all this bickering, and you can finally see that I'm not the stupid prat that I once was," Draco said, rather seriously.

Ron as a little taken back by his remark, but he soon realized that what he said was true. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Let's go!" said Hermione.

Harry paused for a moment as he peered down the passage way, feeling little more apprehensive now that they were on the other side of the wards. "It's okay Harry, I'm right beside you…" said Draco, knowing about how he felt about enclosed spaces. "I won't let anything happen to you."

Harry nodded and took a cleansing breath to conquer his fear. Together they descended the narrow stone staircase, hesitant of what they would find below. Torches began to alight as they moved further and further below the surface, illuminating their path brightly. The steps were rather steep, and Harry and the others found themselves having to reach out to the walls on several occasions to prevent themselves from toppling forwards into the darkness.

When they had reached the bottom, they found themselves in a giant cavern, much to Harry's relief. He had half expected that they would have to navigate small tunnels to reach their destination. He could deal with a large cavernous room.

The air down here was thick, and the foursome found themselves shivering slightly against the cold. Torches, that lined the cave walls, magically ignited revealing their surroundings. A deep pool of water lay before them, completely covering the rocky floor. Stalagmites and stalactites protruded from the floor and ceiling, their water droplets echoing off the stone walls with each _plop_.

"Look! There it is!" said Harry excitedly, his voice sounding louder than it really was as it reverberated off the stone. The temple itself was on the other side of the underground cavern, and seemed to have been carved right out of the rock. Glancing down, Harry noticed that the only way across was to traverse a crumbling stone bridge that stretched 50 meters across the expanse of the cavern. The large pool water lay only a few feet below the top of the bridge, and there was no railing to prevent them from falling in.

Harry led the way, and the other three friends followed behind him closely. They had to move in a single file line because of the narrowness of the bridge. Harry kept his eyes down; so that he could make sure that he stepped carefully. The bridge itself was rather slippery and any wrong step would cause him to fall into the black water.

As they walked, Harry and the others noticed something moving through the dark liquid, sending large ripples that pierced the water's surface. A fish like creature, maybe four feet long, was swimming back and forth beside them. Upon closer examination, there appeared to be several of them. The creatures' silvery black scales shined in the torchlight whenever they neared the surface. Their overly large teeth protruded menacingly from their jaws and extended past their mouths. Each razor sharp tooth looked like it could saw a man in half for they were all serrated. Harry tried not to think about what was currently hunting them and placed his focus on the bridge itself.

They were almost on the other side, when Harry heard a scream. "Ron! Help!" Hermione shouted as she slipped and fell over the side of the bridge.

The tall red head instantly whipped around and grabbed for one of Hermione's left arm, just as her lower half entered the water below. Holding onto Ron, she tried to scramble up the side of bridge, but the walls were too slippery and she fall back into the water.

One of the monstrous fish was coming towards her with its mouth open wide. Ron was just about to pull her up when the large fish lunged at Hermione. Luckily, the only thing it managed to bite into was her knapsack that was on her back. The strange fish used its large head to shaking her pack violently back and forth in order to dislodge it, and Ron was having a hard time holding onto her. The force of the shaking and the added weight of the creature were putting quite a strain on his arms. His hands were slipping under the strain.

Hermione screamed as another fish began to draw near from the other side of the cave. Harry wanted to help, but the bridge was to narrow for him to get around the blond behind him. Draco, who was in front of Ron, quickly grabbed her other arm.

"Let go of Ron's hand and take your arm out of your bag's strap!" Draco shouted, watching as the other monster began to draw near. Ron looked at him warily wondering if he could be trusted, but Hermione let go and quickly maneuvered her arm out of strap. She then grabbed Ron's hand and did the same with her right arm, letting go of Draco temporarily.

Together hoisted her back to safety just as the other fish was about to close in on her. The fish that still held onto her bag had fallen back into the water and swam away. They had used so much force that they almost fell over the other side, and it took a moment for them to regain there balance. They watched briefly as her bag floated away, with no hope of ever retrieving it.

"Thanks," she muttered to them graciously, as she watched the gruesome creature swim away. "Sorry I lost balance… I'm not even sure what happened."

"No problem," answered Draco.

As an after though she added, "I hope Madame Pince isn't upset that I lost some of her library books."

Ron hugged her tightly to reassure her that it would be okay. "You were almost eaten by a very large fish, and you're worried about books. I swear… you need to get that head of yours on straight."

Ron then performed the same drying charm on her that she had used on him earlier that day; proud that he had finally remembered it. He then kissed her on the cheek before placing her in firmly between him and Draco so she couldn't fall again.

Once they were sure that no one would lose their balance again, they finished crossing the bridge. They found Jinx anxiously waiting for them on the other side. She didn't seem to like the nasty fish either. The temple itself was much smaller than Harry had imagined, but he figured that it was probably because it had to be carved out of the rocks instead of built on land.

They walked through the front entrance and found themselves staring at a main corridor, which various rooms and small hallways extended off from. Like before, magical torches lit their pathway. Moving together as a group, they glanced quickly into each one searching for an archway similar to the one at Ministry of Magic, but each room was completely barren. The only signs that anyone had once been here were the occasional mural on the walls and ancient runes that marked the tops of each doorway.

"I think this is it," said Harry as they reached the far end of the corridor. Jinx seemed to think so as well because she was pacing back and forth along the far wall.

There they found a single wooden door. Around the threshold was a brilliantly colored mural, which depicted the day that the Veils were created. Just like in wizard paintings, the images in the mural moved magically. In the far upper right corner was the image of a red haired woman dressed in billowing teal colored robes. She looked to be in great distress and appeared to be weeping. Her position in the mural, above the rest of the landscape indicated that she had died and was now in the otherworld, which Muggles called heaven. Harry wondered if her sadness stemmed from having to leave her true love behind.

An ancient looking wizard on the lower left side of the mural was casting a powerful spell, and the natural forces around him caused the wind and leaves to swirl around him. Harry remembered reading that Donn had been trying to contact his long lost love, Mira, in the Otherworld Mag Mell through a series of magical spells and charms, when he accidentally punched a hole through our world leading to the next. The wizard in the mural then raised the staff he held in his right hand high above his head and a bright blue light shot out of it. Two "holes" were created and they appeared on either side of door. Slowly an archway covered in a tattered Veil appeared in front of each hole indicating the existence of the two portals between the worlds. The wizard Donn lowered his staff and then his head realizing what he had done. His true love, still unable to speak with Donn in her afterlife, continued to weep with sadness. Soon the whole scene began to repeat itself, like it was stuck on an endless loop.

"This is amazing," said Draco, gazing at the wall in wonder. "I've never seen anything like this."

"Nor have I," replied Ron, "but we should see what's behind this door. We haven't technically found the Veil yet."

The red head tried to turn the handle on the door, but it wouldn't budge. Draco tried himself, thinking that Ron wasn't doing it right, but found it immovable as well. After examining the handle carefully, Hermione tried a standard unlocking charm, but still the door wouldn't open. They looked at one another in frustration, not knowing what to do next.

On a whim, Harry stepped forward and placed his hand on handle. He closed his eyes and felt it turn in the palm of his hand. "How did you do that?" asked Ron incredulously.

Harry shrugged uncertainly, before pulling the door open wide and peered inside. The sight that greeted him was a huge relief. There, in the middle of the room, stood the other stone archway. Like the Department of Mysteries, it was covered in a tattered Veil, but the archway itself lacked the ancient runes that the Ministry arch had. This one must have never been used to punish criminals. The black Veil swayed in the archway slightly although there was no breeze in the room. In front of it lay some sort of stone altar.

Harry walked into the room and instantly felt his connection to Sirius strengthen. His head felt heavy, as if Sirius's memories were trying to make room in his head for all of them. Glancing at his watch, he realized that it was already past midnight. Beltane had begun.

He walked towards what he thought was an altar, and discovered that it was a basin, just like his mother had said there would be in her research. The walls on either side of the structure came up about three feet high, but hole in the basin was only a foot deep meaning that solid stone must lie beneath it. Runes had been carved around the lip of the basin, but they were so worn with age that they were no longer distinguishable. Harry didn't care, however; he already knew what he needed to do. From this distance he could hear the shadowy whispers coming from beyond the Veil, but he ignored them in an attempt to concentrate on his next task.

The others watched him, as he wordlessly set to work. First, he started two large fires on either side of the room in large open hearths. In Celtic Mythology people would build two large fires on open plains and drive their herds between them. The seasonal ritual celebrated the return of life and fruitfulness in Spring. Beltane is about honoring life, and by using the fires in the temple, Harry hoped to ward off any evil spirits and promote good will before he brought Sirius back.

He opened the journal he had been carrying to the proper page and set it on the stone structure for easy access. He then gathered the things he needed from his bag and began to enlarge them one by one. He also slipped an important item into one of his pockets before anyone could notice what he was doing.

"I will need some water," Harry said, handing several empty canteens to Ron. The red head looked like he was about to ask where he was supposed to get water and when he remembered the hazardous pool they had crossed to get here. He sighed deeply, but left the room to obtain to what Harry needed. He returned quickly, looking a little pale, and handed Harry the canteens

"Did you purify it?" the smaller teen asked.

"Of course," Ron replied nonchalantly. "I do pay attention in class occasionally."

Harry set up his large cauldron beside the basin and poured the water into it. He then cast a fire to begin the boiling process.

"Can I help?" asked Hermione. Harry wanted to say no, but decided that he could probably use the assistance. His headache had not diminished in the slightest and he was worried that he may make a mistake. Hermione and her expertise would make sure that wouldn't happen.

"Yeah, I'll hand you the ingredients and you can measure and add them to the potion. This needs to be stirred continuously in a clockwise fashion as well."

"No problem," she said, spelling the spoon he had placed in the cauldron to stir on its own.

"Good thinking," Harry replied. She smiled sweetly at him, grateful that he had actually asked for her help.

"What can we do?" asked Draco, feeling a little put out that Harry had asked Hermione to help and not him. The blonde was as skilled as she was in potions, if not more.

"I guess nothing…" Harry said distractedly, as he squinted in the torch light to read his mother's directions.

Draco sulked, but didn't say a word. Ron took a position at the door and it seemed to be standing guard. They still had no way of knowing if they had been followed. Jinx kept her distance from the Veil, and continued to eye it warily. She eventually positioned herself beside Draco, and waited patiently.

Together, Harry and Hermione created the potion, adding each ingredient at the proper time. With each new substance the potion turned a different color, indicating that the proper reaction had taken place. The process took longer than expected, but they finally added one more ingredient, which was spine of Lion Fish.

The surface began not only to bubble, but also began to send out fiery sparks, as though it were on fire. Hermione and Harry quickly took a step back. The steamed thickened and sent smoking tendrils wafting towards the ceiling. Harry was reminded of the potion Wormtail created to resurrect Voldemort when he was held captive at the cemetery.

Harry never said a word about it, but the entire time they worked together, he had been hearing disturbing voices. They weren't coming from the Veil, however. These were the same voices that had haunted him during his dreams about Sirius. Thankful that he wasn't hallucinating also, he did his best to ignore them and concentrated on the potion. A few times Hermione had glanced over at him knowingly, but Harry chose not to say anything to her about it. Hopefully, all of these horrible delusions would go away soon enough.

After checking to see that the potion was of the right consistency, Harry looked over at his friends and indicated that it was ready. He grabbed the journal that had been resting on the edge of the stone and quickly re-read the contents, making sure he had done everything correctly. Together, Ron and Draco levitated the cauldron and carefully spilled the contents into the stone basin with a wave of their wands.

Harry had memorized the spell he had to use bring back Sirius long ago, so he placed his mother's journal back into his bag for safe keeping. The shimmering liquid began swirling around the basin, and Harry took his position beside it so that he was facing the Veil.

"Whatever happens now… please don't interfere!" he said loudly, turning his head slightly to make his point clear. The three friends nodded reluctantly and took a step back to indicate that they understood. Neither one, however, put their wands away. They held them at the ready in case something went terribly wrong.

Harry turned his attention back to the archway and stared at the darkness that lay just beyond the billowing fabric. He could hear the voices much more clearly now, but there was only voice in particular that he would be searching for.

Remembering how he reached Sirius last time, he took slow steady breaths, inhaling and exhaling through his nose, trying to clear his mind of all thoughts. He then concentrated on locating Sirius in Limbo by thinking about the happy memories he had of him. He soon felt an uncomfortable pull on his solar plexus as an invisible web-like connection was made between Harry and his godfather. It was much easier than last time because the Veil was already at its thinnest because of Beltane.

Closing his eyes tightly, Harry saw spidery like stands of white light emanating from his chest as the energy coursed between him and the Veil. Like before, the feathery strands then began to encircle his head and shoulders, but he felt no fear. Behind his closed eyes, Harry soon saw the ghostly form of Sirius's soul.

"_Harry!"_ the man called out to him.

"_Hold on Sirius! I'm going to get you out of here. Whatever happens, don't break our connection or I may lose you forever…" _he said in his mind.

Sirius nodded that he understood. "_Be careful Harry, don't risk yourself for me!"_

Harry opened his eyes, and could see the temple room come into focus once again. Although he could no longer see Sirius standing before him just beyond the Veil, he could still feel their connection.

He reached into his pocket and retrieved the small dagger that he had hidden there earlier. Now all the potion needed was the final ingredient and he could perform the spell. He stared down at the simmering liquid as he rolled up the sleeve on his left arm. He then glanced at the many scars that lined his pale skin and brought the dagger to it.

"Harry, no!" screamed Draco, grabbing the hand that held the dagger while Ron pulled back his exposed arm.

"No! Stop! Don't interfere!" Harry screamed trying to struggle free without losing the connection. He sensed that Sirius was concerned about him from the other side. He must be able to read his emotions through their link right now.

"You can't do this Harry! You promised me you wouldn't cut anymore!" Draco yelled, his eyes shining with emotion.

"You don't understand! I need to perform a blood sacrifice in order to complete the potion… it's _blood_ magic!" he tried to explain.

"How much?" Draco finally asked. When Harry didn't answer he knew that it meant it needed a lot. "Fine, then we'll all add our own blood, that way it doesn't have to all be from you."

"Draco's right, Harry. If I remember correctly blood magic doesn't have to be confined to one person making the sacrifice," said Hermione.

"But it has to be from someone who loved him!" Harry knew it was a bad idea to allow them to come along.

Hermione tried to reason with him, "Harry, we all loved Sirius, even if he wasn't our godfather. Ron and I spent a lot of time with him that summer before our 5th year. And even if Draco didn't know him all that well, they were cousins by blood. That has to count for something…"

"I don't know…"

"Well, you don't have a choice… I'm not going to risk losing you…" Draco replied.

He pried the dagger from Harry's hand and swiftly cut his left hand across the palm. Holding it over the basin, Harry watched in fascination as it began to drip into the swirling potion. He then handed the knife to Ron and Hermione who did the same, pain etched on their faces as they held their hands over the potion as well.

Harry was about to reach for the dagger himself when Draco grabbed his left hand. "No, let me do it," he said. Harry was sure that his boyfriend was trying to prevent him from cutting himself at all costs. He watched as he sliced his left palm gently, leaving only a very shallow cut that wouldn't bleed very much.

"That's not enough!" he protested. He was accustomed to cutting his arms, which tended to bleed more because of the number of large veins.

"It's enough…" Draco replied holding Harry's hand out with his own bloodied hand.

The four of them stood there, dripping their crimson blood over the stone basin and watched as it slowly turned dark red. Harry felt a small sense of satisfaction at the pain he felt in his hand, and knew that it was because of his addiction. It was just like old times. He could ignore everything else going on around him, and focus on the pain. It left him feeling much more clear-headed than he was before. He only wished that he could have bled more freely. He hadn't cut in months, and he had been counting on this moment for a long time now because of his promise to Draco. He felt slightly robbed of the experience.

When the sacrifice was complete, Harry used a spell he knew to heal his friends' hands. He didn't want to see them in pain or bleed any longer. Unfortunately, he wasn't as skilled as Madame Pomfrey and they were each left with a faint scar; a constant reminder of this perilous journey. Ignoring his own laceration, he prepared to perform the final spell.

Draco grabbed his hand before he could do anything else and healed him properly as well. Seeing that the blood had vanished and scar was now in its place, Harry felt saddened. He had kind of wanted it to heal on its own, but he didn't have that choice any longer.

"Thank you," Harry muttered. "Now please step aside."

He waited until the others stepped back to the original positions before he continued. He took another deep breath, closed his eyes, and concentrated on the connection. "_Sirius, are you still with me?"_

"_Yes, are you alright?"_ Sirius shouted with concern.

"_I'm fine. Now get ready, I'm going to bring you through the Veil. Don't break the connection!"_

"_Okay…"_

Harry opened his eyes, and grabbed his wand from where he had stowed it up his sleeve. He pointed the wand straight at the Veil and yelled "_Solara Reverto!"_

A white light shot out of his wand and passed through the Veil, when he felt the light connect with Sirius's soul, he mentally began to draw the light back. It took a lot more exertion than he expected and he had to hold onto his wand with both hands he was shaking so badly.

The room was now swirling around him dizzyingly and Harry was having trouble concentrating. Part of his mind felt like it was Limbo again, and the other part felt like it was still here in reality. He could feel the darkness that had plagued him while he was there in the otherworld calling to him and Harry struggled to remain conscious.

His body was slowly weakening under the strain, and he was seriously starting to wonder if he would be able to complete this task. Never before had he cast such powerful magic. He knew he couldn't fail, the lives both he and Sirius was a stake now. He would stop at nothing.

Suddenly, the walls of the temple began to shake, and he could hear his friend's frightened cries behind him as dust and debris fell from the ceiling. The magic he was using was more powerful than he had ever expected.

He concentrated even harder on bringing Sirius out and tried to block out everything that was going on around him. Slowly a glowing ball of light connected to the end of the spell emanating from his wand began to reveal itself through the Veil. It was Sirius's soul. Now all he had to do was to direct his soul to the stone basin where his body could begin to reanimate itself with the potion. Since he had no body to come back to, it was essential that the blood sacrifice had taken place. It was the only way his soul could return to its mortal form.

Harry could hear a commotion coming from behind him, but he kept his sights on saving Sirius. Bits and pieces of conversations floated their way into his ears, and Harry came to realize that Remus and Snape must have suddenly arrived.

"Harry! What's going on, Hermione! Ron, let me go!"

"No, Professor Lupin! Let him finish! He's bringing Sirius back! You can't interfere with the spell! They'll both be killed!"

"Draco! I'm very disappointed with you for leaving like that! There are Death Eaters all over this region!"

"Sev, I'll explain everything, but not right now!"

"What has the boy gotten himself into this time!"

"Harry! Sirius!"

Harry lifted Sirius's soul towards the stone basin and slowly lowered his wand and directed it at the potion. It was becoming increasingly hard for Harry to concentrate and he felt only semi-conscious as he struggled to breathe normally under the strain.

The brilliant ball of light entered the swirling crimson liquid little by little, as if melting into it. Harry kept his focus on his wand, knowing that the spell was not over. He had to now put some of his own magical energy into the potion to bring Sirius back. Suddenly, the light from his wand changed from white to orange and the liquid in the basin reacted violently. It began swirling faster and faster around itself, until a crystal form began to take shape. Harry could feel what little magical energy he had left leave his body and enter the potion.

"What's happening!" Remus shouted.

Harry could barely stand upright from the effort he was forced to put into the spell. He knees slowly began to buckle. The crystalline image in the basin slowly morphed into that of a human male. Facial features and muscles along the body began to emerge and soon the almost transparent body became more solid. Fleshy hues appeared through the skin and Sirius's black hair became visible along various parts of his body.

Finally, when Harry was utterly exhausted from the spell casting, the soul transfer was complete. He dropped his wand to the floor and stared at the image before him in amazement. The naked form of Sirius lay in the stone basin where the potion had once been.

Harry suddenly collapsed in front of the stone structure, catching himself just before he fell completely. Draco ran to his side and put helped support his body. Jinx had followed him, and was now standing on her hind legs licking Harry's hand affectionately.

"Sirius…" Harry whispered, desperately trying to keep his eyes open. His head felt like it was spinning.

Sirius's body looked better than over. His days in Azkaban had taken a toll on him, and Harry had only ever known his haggard, tired appearance. All traces of that hardened life seemed to have been erased when he was brought back through the Veil. He was beautiful now. His soft skin was peach like a new born baby, and his black hair was lustrous how it had been in his youth.

"Sirius…" called Remus, as he joined Harry beside his best friend. "Is it really him?"

Harry nodded silently, wondering if he had done something wrong when he noticed Sirius hadn't awakened. Had Sirius died or something? Why wouldn't he wake up?

Remus shed his outer robe and placed it over his friend's body to preserve his dignity and began to search for a pulse. "He's alive," he said, with tears in his eyes. "You did it Harry. He's alive…"

Ron and Hermione came around to the other side of the basin to see their lost friend. Snape seemed to stand back from the others, watching them with restrained curiosity.

Suddenly, Sirius took a deep breath and his chest rose up to accommodate the volume of air in his lungs. Exhaling slowly, his eyelids fluttered open, revealing baby blue eyes. "Harry…" he whispered as he caught sight of his godson. He raised his left hand slightly, but it seemed as if it was a huge effort. Just as he was about to reach out to him, he passed out once again.

"What's wrong with him?" Harry asked Remus worriedly, his head still feeling rather foggy.

"I'm not sure…"

Harry was about to try standing up when he felt a blinding pain in his forehead. He had had a headache for most of the evening, but now it felt as if his head was going to split open from the agony. Realizing that this familiar pain was stemming from his infamous scar, Harry began to panic.

"No!" he screamed grabbing his forehead tightly to quell the torture that was coursing through his brain. He fell sideways and made no movement to try to rise again.

That was when he heard it. "_Harry…"_ a voice called.

"Harry!" Remus and Draco both yelled, rushing to his side where he had fallen. "What's wrong?"

"_Harry…"_

"NO!" he moaned once again, feeling rather nauseous from his suffering. It felt as though someone was trying to poke around in his head. He suddenly realized what was happening, and he was terrified.

A maniacal laugh consumed his mind completely until it was all he could hear; Voldemort couldn't have been more delighted than to re-establish their old link. Harry was terrified of that horrible nightmare beginning once again. Unable to stay conscious through the pain and exhaustion, the small teen soon passed out.

A/N: Sirius lives! Yea! I hope you are all as excited as I am. I was deeply disturbed with how OoTP ended and this is my way of making things right. I hope you liked how this chapter turned out. Remus and Snape's sudden appearance will be explained in the next chapter since we only see this story from Harry's point of view. Sorry about the cliffie at the end there!

A/N2: I am excited to say that there is only **one chapter left** after this! It will be an epilogue and serve as a transitional piece between this story and the sequel, which will be called "_Somewhere I Belong_." The summer sequel will be the last story in the _Soul Mate Series (trilogy_). There will be more details about it in the next chapter. I don't think I have the energy to write a 7th year story for the universe I created. Who knows… maybe something will come to me later.

To be truthful I'm glad to see this story end as it turned out to be much more complex (and longer) than I have ever anticipated. The sequel will pick up right where this story stops and will span the length of the summer. I hope you all continue to read this series and still find it enjoyable.

**Many thanks to all my reviewers! And around of applause for my beta Drae for putting up with my endlessly long chapters!**


	31. Epilogue

**Chapter 31- Epilogue**

_Passing out at one location and awakening in another can be a rather terrifying experience. Having no sense of time or space, I quickly began to panic thinking that I must have been abducted by Death Eaters because of the pain I felt in my scar just before I blacked out. All I remembered at that moment was that I was somehow connected to Voldemort once again. But when I noticed the crisp white sheets of the hospital bed I was lying on and the familiar surroundings of the infirmary, I knew that I was in no danger. _

_At first I couldn't comprehend what had happened or how I had arrived back at Hogwarts, but soon the flood of memories came back to me like a dam breaking. _

_A tattered veil billowing… four hands dripping with blood… a crimson red potion… a bright white light… my near hysterical guardian shouting for me…feeling enormously fatigued as my energy was drained… seeing Sirius's face for the first time in nearly a year…Voldemort laughing at his success…._

_Hot tears flooded down my face as I remembered what had occurred in the temple. For some reason, I was under the impression I had done something wrong and Sirius had died. Why couldn't I feel his presence anymore? I thought for sure that I was somehow a failure and it was more than I could bear._

_Thankfully, Draco was by my side, waiting anxiously for me to wake up. I had been unconscious for nearly three days and he was beside himself with worry. I was greeted with a flurry of kisses all over my face and swept up into his warm embrace. I loved the way that he made me feel, but he could tell that it was a little overwhelming for me as well. He gave me some room and sat down beside me, inquiring about my health. My head still ached something fierce, and Madam Pomfrey gave me a migraine potion to dull the pain. I was also extremely weak after depleting my magical reserves, which explained my extended stay in the infirmary._

_Remus was no where to be seen, and Draco didn't elaborate at first why. All he said about my guardian was that he kept coming to check on me, but that he had other business to attend to. Ron and Hermione had been waiting for me to wake up as well, but after being scolded by the school nurse about not sleeping or eating while they waited, they finally relented and headed off to the Great Hall. Jinx had been by my side during most of my hospital stay as well, but she soon discovered a new friend and forgot all about me. Apparently Crookshanks and Jinx were last seen chasing mice in some dusty corner of the castle. Draco made it clear that nothing could have dragged him from my bed side, not even that overbearing nurse._

_I smiled. God I love him…_

_After Draco confirmed that I was alright, he began to explain everything that had transpired after I fainted. I was first scolded repeatedly for doing something so dangerous as to perform an energy draining spell without informing them as to what the consequences would be. I knew Draco meant well, but there would have been no other way to bring Sirius back. Telling anyone about what I had to do would have only complicated matters greatly._

_Remus's recovery from the battle was coming along smoothly until he learned what I had done. He had just moved down to private rooms after leaving the hospital ward when he received the letter from Hedwig. Just as we planned, the letter arrived to him approximately 24 hours after we had left when the time lock in the Owlery was released._

_Realizing what we were going to do, Remus spoke to Madam Pince and figured out where we had gone. The poor witch was surprised to learn that she had unwittingly been involved in such an escapade. Knowing that Snape would be concerned about his own godson, he asked him to follow along. They apparated to Donn Island after using many Point-Me spells and charms that detected magical signatures, only to find me in the midst of resurrecting Sirius. _

_Realizing that Sirius and I were not out of the woods, Snape created a portkey and brought us all back to Hogsmeade. I guess portkeys were similar to apparating in the sense that they could not get past the wards at Hogwarts. Draco said that both Sirius and I were still unconscious and that we needed to be moved. Snape cast a spell on Sirius and brought him up to the castle, muttering something about "a mangy mutt."_

_For some reason Remus refused to use a levitation spell to bring me back to the castle, and carried me back instead. Madame Pomfrey had been horrified to see that he had inadvertently aggravated the wound on his side. He was ordered to go straight to bed, but he promptly ignored her._

_Draco then explained that Sirius was alive and even awake! I was so excited that I jumped out of bed and began to search for the nurse so that I could see him. Remus, who appeared from behind a closed door, quickly caught me and pulled me into a hug. He told me that he loved me and that he was glad I was okay, but I couldn't see Sirius yet. I tried arguing. I tried yelling until I was blue in the face. But I knew from the look on Remus had given me that it was no use. He wouldn't budge on this one._

_I soon joined my friends in our dormitory to find everyone anxious about my return. Rumor had spread around the school about our antics and we were something a legend. Too bad no one knew the truth about what we had done. The four of us had agreed to keep what happened private. Most of what the students gossiped about was hearsay… some even believed that we had fought against Death Eaters and won… I ignored them all and tried to go about my business as casually as normal. I attended classes but didn't put forth any effort into any of my work. Oddly, the professors didn't seem to care. In fact, they understood the emotional strain I had been under and cut me some slack._

_The defense training that I had begged Remus and Dumbledore for was postponed until the summer in light of what had happened. I was thankful because my heart really wasn't in it at the moment… as bad as that sounds. I'm supposed to be the "savior-of-the-wizarding-world" and I can't find the motivation to even start training. I had too much to think about…_

_It was rather hard to act normally when I was so worried about Sirius. I had a lot to deal with and I struggled with the need to cut to get through it all. The fact that I had to also deal with Voldemort again weighed heavily on my mind._

_Strangely, I knew almost immediately after waking up that the metaphysical connection I had with Sirius had been severed. I could feel his absence somehow in my head, only to be replaced with something else. It was rather disturbing for some reason. I had almost become accustomed to the dreams about his memories. Now my sleep has been dreamless. It took a lot of reassuring to convince me that he was truly alive and that the spell and potion I used had worked. A part of me thought that he might have died and nobody wanted to tell me._

_Snape explained to me after Potions class one day and explained that he had done some thinking and that he thinks that the Dark Lord may have been quite troubled that he no longer felt a connection to the Boy-Who-Lived. He believed that the Voldemort could have been trying to figure out why the connection was severed for a long time now. It was probably only by chance that he sought out my mind just as the connection between me and Sirius had diminished._

_It scared me to think about what this renewed connection may mean. In the past I felt guilty when the link was broken because it meant that I could no longer warn the Order of the Phoenix_ _of Voldemort's plans. Now I am terrified that I will start having those visions again. _

_Life can be utterly cruel sometimes._

_I still wasn't allowed to see Sirius until nearly a week after I awoke. I didn't understand why at the time and I fought with Dumbledore and Remus about it constantly._

_I finally figured out that they were keeping Sirius in a private room behind the infirmary. I even snuck out of bed one night and tried to see him, only to find a complicated lock on the door that I could not break. I was devastated._

_They said that I would understand in time… and indeed I did._

_There is that old saying, "Be careful what you wish for…."_

_Now I know what they mean. Remus had tried to explain to me once that bringing Sirius back could come with complications. I never understood what he meant until I was finally allowed to see my godfather in that locked room. _

_Remus tried to warn me about his condition, but I barely listened because I was so excited to see my godfather alive once again. I don't think anything could have prepared me for what I saw when we walked through the door. I held my breath._

_There he was. Alive in the flesh. Standing before me. _

_I let my breath out slowly in relief. I had been told that Sirius was still extremely weak and disoriented from his ordeal, but he looked rather healthy considering everything he had been through. _

_Appearances can be deceiving._

_I knew instantly that something wasn't right with him when I saw him for the first time in that private hospital room. He looked like a caged animal, pacing about the small room incessantly. I tried to talk to him, but he ignored me entirely. He didn't seem able to focus on anyone or anything for very long. Apparently his mind was still trapped inside the horrific memories he had to endure while in Limbo. _

_It was scary to say the least._

_I tried to spend time with him over the next few days, but nothing seemed to bring him out of his shell. Sometimes he would talk to someone that wasn't really there; other times he acted out what was happening in whatever memory he was currently lost in. I wondered if he may be hallucinating and having nightmares like I did, but there wasn't any way to find out. _

_Remus believed that his mind may be having difficulty switching "gears," meaning he was in Limbo for so long that his subconscious is controlling his actions rather than his conscious mind. He wasn't insane… not in the technical sense._

_Sirius wouldn't talk to anyone but himself, at least not directly. He had many visitors. Each one attempted to make him understand what had happened to him. Snape, much to his own pleasure, was even asked to try to get a rise out of him._

_No one had any success._

_Remus and I had tried to assure him that he was okay and that he wouldn't be hurt by anyone. But he snapped at anyone that came near him shouting that he was innocent and that the 'rat-bastard' was going to pay for betraying them all. Completely unaware of his surroundings, Sirius thought he was still imprisoned in Azkaban most of the time. It was as if his eyes could see what was before him, but his mind couldn't comprehend the truth._

_He did have some rare moments of lucidity, when his pale blue eyes would connect with someone that he knew. The torment behind their watery depths illustrated just how much he was still suffering. Those fleeting moments were few and far between._

_I can't decide yet if what I did was right. At the time I knew with certainty that bringing him back was something I had to do… but now… I'm not so sure. Maybe it was crueler to bring him into a world that he was no longer capable of understanding. Maybe I should have helped guide him onto the otherworld, like Donn did for so many lost souls so long ago._

_I didn't understand what was happening to him. Remus, who had spent a lot of time trying to reconnect with his old friend, finally admitted that Sirius needed help that he simply couldn't provide. His mental incapacity far out reached his limited experience as a healer._

_He had made some progress, but not enough that he could be self-sufficient. After a couple of weeks it was decided that he would be placed in the mental ward at St. Mungo's hospital in hopes that the healers there could help bring Sirius back to reality. They had spells, charms, and therapies that could help restore his memory and rehabilitate him back into wizarding society. Dumbledore also felt that Sirius would feel less pressure about getting better without all of his friends around._

_I was against the whole thing completely. I felt strongly that he would be better off around those he loved. What I didn't understand was how dangerous it could be for the rest of us. I learned my lesson… painfully…_

_On the Friday before school let out, I went to visit my godfather one last time. He was in the midst of some violent memory and I unknowingly got in the way when I tried to help. Not realizing what he was doing, Sirius shoved me roughly into the wall. _

_I was utterly terrified. _

_Thankfully, Remus had followed me into the room and saw what was happening. If he hadn't gotten me out of there when he did, I'm not sure what would have happened. I agreed then that his stay at St. Mungo's would probably be for the best. _

_It was painful to say goodbye. I felt like I had done something wrong._

_I was able to finish the year with fairly high marks, despite my recent absence and lack of care towards my school work. Apparently, all those previous months of studying to ward off the depression had finally paid off. _

_The only thing that seemed to lift my spirits was spending time with Draco and flying. The Gryffindor team practiced nearly every day and we won our final Quidditch match, sweeping the rest of the houses by claiming four consecutive victories this year. Unfortunately, all our hard work was for naught. _

_The House Cup, however, went to Ravenclaw this year. Being the clever bunch that they are, they earned many points this year for all their hard work academically. It would have been given to Gryffindor if its house members hadn't had so many points taken away. It seems that the Gryffs were beginning to have a reputation as troublemakers. Fred and George had paved the way for many other house members to learn the joys of pranking others._

_The school year soon came to a close, and I found myself excited for once about the Leaving Feast. Usually I looked toward this event with trepidation because it meant that I would soon be leaving for the Dursleys. This year I was going home with my guardian… Remus._

_I also looked forward to the moment that Sirius would come to stay with us at Villa de Luna with much anticipation. We had all agreed that staying at Grimmauld Place__would only reverse any progress Sirius was making, so he was going to stay with us. _

_Besides the Weasleys had decided to stay there, and they had even invited Draco to join them seeing that he had no place to go. Dumbledore readily agreed and made sure that the floo at Villa de Luna was now connected to Black Manor in addition to Hogwarts. For the first time ever, I was going to be able to see my friends, and boyfriend, on a regular basis. I could even have friends over to my house!_

_My house… that's something I'm still trying to get used to._

_Thankfully, the Ministry wasn't giving us any problems in regards to Sirius and his criminal record. Because Remus had captured Peter during the battle at Dartmoor, Sirius was now a free man. Well, he will be free once he is released from the hospital. Peter was interrogated under Veritaserum and the Ministry determined that Sirius Black and had been wrongfully accused. He was given a full pardon. Pettigrew, however, was sentenced to life in prison for murdering those Muggles all those years ago and for his allegiance to Voldemort._

_The traitor is finally getting what he deserves… the rat bastard! I hope the Dementors torture him mercilessly._

_Anyway…_

_For the first time in my life I am going to have a real family to go home to. I now have two father figures to look out for me. And I'm reasonably sure neither would ever harm me directly… well I know Remus would never… I'm somewhat afraid of Sirius now… especially after what happened. I'll just have to learn how to deal with it like I do with everything else. What's the worse that could happen?_

_Little did I know just how complicated things would become…_

**A/N: Wow! That was a lot shorter than most of my chapters. Sorry to end the story there. I know many of you expected to see more of Sirius in this chapter, but in my mind _this_ story (plot) is completed. The next phase of Harry's life is just beginning. Here is a little summary of the sequel to this story and what will be the final installment in the "_Soul Mate Series"_**

**Somewhere I Belong: **

_This story will be written from the perspectives of both Harry and Draco!_

Draco is saddened when he cannot stay with his godfather over the holidays because it is still too dangerous. The Death Eaters learned Snape was a spy during his sixth year and Snape Manor is under constant surveillance. Instead he is asked by the Weasleys stay with them again, only this time at Number 12 Grimmauld Place. The Burrow no longer feels safe after the attack during Christmas. Since it is still the Order's headquarters Draco is relieved because he will still be able to see Severus. With the help of Harry, Jinx, and the Weasleys, Draco strives to be a better person and put his past behind him. Will all his hard work be jeopardized when a mysterious family member arrives at their front door and questions his choices?

Meanwhile, Harry returns home to Villa de Luna with Remus. They are soon joined by Sirius, who has been recovering in St. Mungo's, because he doesn't want to return to his "mother's" house if at all possible. Harry desperately longs for a "normal" life and is apprehensive about telling Sirius about everything that has happened to him in the last year, much to Remus's dismay. Their therapy sessions continue in secret and Sirius is starting to question why Harry is living with Remus instead of the Dursleys. Harry also begins training to defend himself against Voldemort. The situation is awkward to say the least. How will the three men adjust to living with one another when there are so many things left unsaid? What will happen when Sirius discovers Harry's many secrets? And how will Harry's renewed connection to Voldemort affect the situation?

**Many thanks to all my faithful reviewers!**


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